EzzyBr

I have just seen this now the series, and the end still circulating in my mind. I have rewatched the opening and the ending several times and reviewed all the theories here...Actually now I totally agree with you with one addition/exceotion so I cannot skip to add a comment too :D . I have the intention that Shin had also feelings for Keng which was way more than brtoherly and friendly. First of all this is a BL story. In Ep1 it really starts like a typical love story, then Shin got scarred because of the attention what a relationship with Keng could cause to him, so he stepped back. This explains why he is also blaiming himself at the end afters years. That leads to the second suicide at the end. Shin first suicide cause by the pain what he wanted to end. Then he tried at the end living a normal life but cannot let the thoughts gone "what if". After years he still cannot let this go, neither the pain cause by the rape nor the lost possibilites with Kheng. How can you live your life after the person you started to love rape you? This ends with continous frustration between the hatred and disgusting crime and the previous lovely, admiring feelings toward Keng, which results at the end that he gives up because he is not able to handle anymore these totally opposite feelings. Keng was not there, it was just his wish and fear to see him, he cannot forget him. Also the end theme proves this...in the lyrics it says " if we could turn back time, able to change everything in the past I will not change anything I wish only you. I just want to turn back time the first day I met you". He loved Keng, but he would never able to forgive what he did, that's why he really made it end. They lost their chance to be together, but Shin still cannot forget and forgive Keng, cannot step forward, so he kills himself.