Like Grains of Sand (1995)

a masculine sensitivity.

It was Hashiguchi Ryosuke's birthday recently and it reminded me I hadn't seen one of his films before. Given he's a noteworthy filmmaker in modern Japanese queer cinema, I thought I would fix that.

Hisaguchi’s preference for long arduous shots often leaves his characters bare naked in scenes—their every motion captured raw for potentially masochistic viewers. It’s awkward, but so is being a teenager, and it’s in this way that the movie really goes for the jugular. These characters are incapable of truly being themselves—they either don’t know how to or are afraid to or both—and after a painful two-thirds of skirting around feelings, everything comes to head in the film’s stunning final act. It’s potentially some of the most captivating 30 minutes ever committed to screen, considering how hard it was to look away. Each shot finds ways to imprint itself more & more into the brain, until it's all taken away.

As an intimate exploration of sexuality—not in the physical, but in the emotional—Hisaguchi has crafted an almost surreal piece of escapism via self-actualization that still manages to resonate some 25 years later. It’s tender, brutal and honest, and kindly asks its audience to be the same. It's not for everybody, but it certainly was for me.

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