[SPOILER] Nan Heng and the Male Lead Pain Bias, Explained

[SPOILER ALERT EP24 ff.]

[SPOILER ALERT EP24 ff.]

[SPOILER ALERT EP24 ff.]

He feels something. “Protect him!”
Male Lead Pain Bias, Explained

Ever noticed how the feed floods with gifs of the ML — Nan Heng / Li Shiliu — crying,
while the FL Song Yimeng’s tears get zero attention?

Here’s what’s going on:

1. The Male Lead Pain Bias
When an emotionally guarded ML like Nan Heng finally breaks down, it’s treated like a breakthrough.
The audience responds with protectiveness: “He feels something. Protect him!”

2. Stereotypes in Storytelling
In A Dream Within a Dream, the ML Nan Heng is framed as the “misunderstood, wounded hero,”
while the FL Song Yimeng is framed as the “emotional obstacle” to his growth and happiness.
His pain is spotlighted.
Her pain is something the story — and the audience — want her to get over quickly.

3. Gendered Sympathy
A man crying is seen as powerful and moving.
A woman doing the same is often labeled emotional or dramatic.
The double standard runs deep — and shapes who we’re allowed to empathize with.

4. Her Grief Isn’t Romantic
If the FL cries quietly, maybe she gets pitied.
But if her grief shows as anger or emotional distance from the ML, she’s labeled irrational or even abusive.
These are natural trauma responses — but instead of being understood, they’re treated like flaws that delay the romance.
The story often pushes her — and the viewer — to forgive quickly for the sake of romantic resolution.

Bottom line:
His pain is romanticized.
Her trauma is treated as a threat to his happiness.
And somewhere along the way, her healing and her emotions gets overlooked.

This is called Male Lead Pain Bias.

Maybe it’s time we asked:
Why is male vulnerability seen as moving, but female pain seen as inconvenient?

— from a Cognitive Explorer who believes her story matters too.

Thank you for this!!

I get what your saying and I partly agree but I think this is not an isolated issue but  a correlation of things that make people dislike the FL right now. I agree the criticism of her is too severe but there are points to legitimately critize. 

She is displaying a cruel streak and intentionally hurts his feelings over and over again. She denies reality and insists that her viewing lense is the only correct one. I dont blame her for her conclusions but I feel she should at least listen more and pay attention. Also their dynamic is unhealthy. 

Thats not necessarily her fault but  ML is so starved of affection that he clings to the very few kind moments the FL allowed him as LSL. Yet he continues to cling to her when she has made it more than clear to him she wants nothing to do with him. That is his fault and not ok. Because he is a prince he has some external power over her but emotionally she has all the power over him. The situation is not  her fault per se and he should find his self respect and move on but especially because FL knows the shit he goes through she could be a bit more empathetic the way she handles the situation and talks to him. She  withholds crutial information from him as to why she acts the way that she does. Because without knowing what she knows it really makes no sense why she never believes him at all. It seems willfully unjust. I know from work that people only let go or follow something if they understand it. She denies him this. I think he would let go if he understood the reason. Also to say to him she gave him chances to come clean...she never did to be honest because she was always the first to assume the worst of him. I wouldnt have dared reveal I am the man she hates either. 

Another issue is that the stakes for both are different. He is of the paper world and to him everything is real with real consequences. For her it is not real which makes their fears and pain in this world fundamentally different. It is different to watch a war movie and cry because one feels with the characters on screen and to actually be in a war and go through the pain. There is no indication she needs to really fear for her life. When this all ends she will wake up and had a bad dream...for him its the death of his existance....not the same stakes at all.  Therefore my gripe is she lacks empathy and refuses to see a situation from any other perspective than her own which makes her disregard all paper characters struggles as lesser than her own. She values them less ( understandable to us viewers but not to the paper people) I dont mind her decision of rejecting the ML and wanting to save herself...but I don't like the way she does it. Its not what she says  but the way she says it. She always talks in riddles with the characters and is not interested to speak a language with them they can understand...that is pretty arrogant and shows a disregard for others. She also makes all the decisions she does not give others the chance to display agency and even when they do as the ML has done in the latest episodes when he completely deviated from the script by taking punishment exiling his uncle and letting go of his title and with that his right to the throne she ignores it completely. Its like nothing makes a dent in that womans wall. I dont want her to chamge her mind but i do want her to struggle with her decisions and the implications of it all. Isnt that why viewers are so.invested in ML because even if its ficticious we feel and struggle with paper character despite them not beeing real but well written characters like the ML make them seem real to us which is why people are discussing so hotly? I feel this investment is  missing from her or nut strong enough by far.  And because of the lack of struggle or that its too internal.and not visibal to us makes her seem very harsh and cold.

 Mizuhira-san:

Yeah, our female lead needs some love too. She's trying her best in her own way. :'3

Absolutely — she’s carrying so much under the surface, and her quiet strength often gets overlooked. She’s doing her best to survive and protect herself, even if it’s not always easy to see. Thanks for giving her the love she deserves! 💛

Thanks for sharing this point of view! Honestly both leads have their flaws, but I’ve noticed that there has always been (majority of the time), a bias towards male leads. Their behaviour is often romanticized and a moment of remorse seems to erase all the questionable things they’ve done in the beginning of the show. I’m not saying NH isn’t showing genuine growth. Also not saying SYM shouldn’t have taken a different approach in delivering her thoughts and feelings. But let’s be fair here. And please do not take it out on the real life actors!

I think the gradual progression of their relationship is for the most part realistic given the circumstances and how they started off (each with their own motives).

 Playset9656:

Thanks for your detailed and thoughtful analysis — I really appreciate the depth! 👏👏👏
And thank you for pointing out the ML’s clinginess; it so clearly reflects his fear of abandonment. I also see her behavior as a typical trauma response:

• Hypervigilance
• Emotional distancing
• Guardedness
• Tightly controlled affect

Given all that the ML put her through, her caution and emotional armor feel very realistic to me.
The drama shows her internal struggle in subtle moments — a hesitation, a pause, a lost look — revealing vulnerability beneath the surface. It’s quieter than the ML’s pain but no less genuine.

I agree we should not let the ML get away with bad behaviour just because he has had it hard. But I think the same goes for the FL. By this point I think they have put each other through the wringer. So much so that I am wondering why they love each other at all. I would have taken off to better pastures by now if I was either of them. Her fears of the future or stuff that happened to her does not give her the right to mistreat others. I think so far she has given as good as she got herself.  Both have tried to kill each other. Both manipulate each other. Both are hiding things and are not honest. FL is withholding the truth  of the world and his fate being written from him although he asked... and since he has beein compelled to kiss her and rescue her it would not be hard to make him understand. ...I think this is equally reprehensible as his dressing as LSL. And her reason for not telling was very similar in motivation to NH not coming clean about his dual identity she was afraid shed loose him.because of this piece of information. Also she has tried to harm him longer than he tried to harm her. He has saved her countless times she rarely returned the favour until recently because she takes being rescued by him for granted and involuntary when there have been multible times she could tell he was not compelled. Also his being hurt is real everytime even if he was compelled. When she was hurt because of him when the office exploded he treated her wounds and showed concern. When did she do that until very recently that is? I think she treats NH as less than human at times. When she is hurtful and cruel she executes her words with precision always. She knows to hit where it hurts. She knows how emotionally scared he is but still chooses to always hit under the belt with her words to really destroy him. Therefore there is intent to hurt. Also I dont buy she is really afraid of him if she was she wouldnt say half the things she throws in his face. If she was simply lashing out in desperation of the situation her aim would be less precise. I repeat I have no issue with her conclusion to stay away from him and rejecting him but her double standard in regards to her own suffering and that of others is annoying. This ep by the fire she finally explained herself somewhat plausibly to the ML and as I predicted he backed off quite a bit. Because explaining yourself matters greatly and is the bare minimum of respectful behavior towards another human being.

Also her fear  for her family in this episode seems very far fetched. It seemed to adress my point of the stakes for her personally not being very high so now apparently she cant face her paper family dying rather than fear for her own death. I find this utterly unbelievable this far in the story. She didnt give a shit about her paper family thus far but all of a sudden her real parents died and she is concerned for her paper family? That seems like a front and ML pointed it out. In love game in eastern fantasy FL shared such a concern but in contrast to Yimeng it was done believably for Mao Mao. The connection and trauma was establishe early on and one could feel her protectiveness of her father and struggle with the reality of it all. She transfered past trauma onto a paper person and it was really heardwarming and believable. Exactly the type of struggle Yimeng is missing. Just saying her paper family is important to her now without showing it earlier does not cut it. But that is the writers fault not the FL. I also think LYT plays her character well.

Another thought:  just as FL is compelled by the story to love ML isnt he too? This is a romance story so by the stories design she is the only one to show him true affection. The original FL might be dumb but she really did love Nanheng. Doesnt it then stand to reason the FL is the only person in the entire story which can provide him with the love and affection he is seeking? It adds an extra level of tragedy because if that assumption is true he  cannot let go and find happiness elsewhere even if he led go and tried. Because in this world nobody but the FL exists who could offer him solace which is maybe also a reason why he is so clingy. As the FL that knows the story and the characters original dynamics should she not know that? 

Also ML has a point when asking her why she accepts fate so easily. We know she tried but it was always on her own. She has not yet explored the possibility of trying together. Since she knows that she is failing on her own..I wonder why she still acts the same everytime..its like she tries to head butt a wall to carve a path forward without checking for a side exit...its too one track minded when she knows there are about 6 predestined events, therefore  6 opportunities where she can try different methods to check for a different outcome . But I guess she is not that strategic.

 Tintentaucher:

She didnt give a shit thus far but all of a sudden her real parents died and she is concerned for her paper family?

I actually saw that moment really differently — to me, it wasn’t that she suddenly cared, but that she finally allowed herself to show it.

Given how disoriented she’s been in this storybook world, I always read her silence as self-protection, not apathy.

Talking about her real family was a huge emotional risk, and that small moment by the fire felt like a genuine crack in the armor — subtle, but really powerful.

 Tintentaucher:

We see his struggle and change but have to guess hers and cant see it.

Exactly. That’s why, in my initial post, I wrote: “His pain is spotlighted.”

As you pinpointed, the FL’s journey remains less visible, which affects how viewers connect with her. 💛