Thoughts on Episode 5 - ⁉️Spoilers‼️

Taiga, not Kaworu, was the main character of episode 5.

🐶"Chihuahua-Sensei and Her Golden Retriever” 

I am so glad him giving the money back was not a start of a ruse but a result of internal conflict caused by seeing her utmost sincerity and it laying heavily on his conscience. She wants to teach him without asking anything back from him, unlike all the other people in his life, endlessly asking for things. It was also a result of the slow-burn tacit understanding between them and his growing feelings. He was sure to never like a woman ever, so he stomped, he lamented, but told what he feels and how he knows about her feelings too, what can they do? they like each other. She, as always, pretending to be a mature grown woman in front of him, says he’ll get “tired of her” and switches the serious atmosphere, asking them to be student and teacher and makes rules for their school, no more confessions, or you will get suspended lol gotta love Manami. He, took a step from her when she got closer, and was unsure at first, but he sees that his chihuahua-sensei is happy at how he now hates ji/kanji less, so his life as her golden retriever starts.😂 Seriously tho, throughout the episode he was so golden retriever coded, it was TOO adorable but really bad for my heart😮‍💨😂. Manami on the other hands lament’s she was just now a sly pretend-adult at answering his true feelings, her legs are weak when he is out of her sight, as she recollects herself while he goes to pick his homework and the precious red pencil she gifted, all happy and bouncy.

Guest Teacher and their 'date':

He HAAATED (always love the faces Raul makes) that she brought another teacher. She brought him without informing, because he wouldn’t have agreed if she told him beforehand and she knows that, it’s as if now she’s a bit scared to be alone with him, because she’s a pretend-adult, so she brought a real one. Taiga looked forward to be alone with her making drinks and ⛱️. Annoyed, he wants to leave, he made sure to take the practice book and the precious red pencil and dragged her outside, so they can be them again. She first made him let go of her hand but he barked “hayaku/quickly” and grabbed to drag her away again. I loved that tiny scene. He might let go when she asks but will get impatient and reach for her again and she will let him drag her anywhere, forgetting what she wanted for herself few seconds ago. We’re going to see that in episode 6, he asks for a final “遠足/ensoku/school trip”. Maybe we can also see that dynamic after their ‘breakup’. They are going to realize even though they decided to live without each other, life itself is not much of a life without each other. and they will have to find their way back to each other. The angst is going to be yum but again bad for our hearts😮‍💨😂

He again holds her hand after the escalator, aaand she lets him, again, for no reason. He was conscious of other’s gaze if they looked like lovers in their first outing into the world.. aww. Then he pretends to be all dizzy from too much letters (LOL) in the bookshop, as she’s serious always, falls for it, and fusses over him and he LOVES it and stares at her so lovingly.. aww🥰 And teases her continuously to get her attention in different ways in the bookshop, like choosing childish ‘unko/poop-sensei’ book after flirting he’s looking for an erohon/erotic book.😂 On a darker note, mom later in the episode asks Kaworu: are you having fun toying with my daughter? calling her a "堅物/katabutsu/strait-laced person". It contrasted their true innocent interactions and how the world sees them. People only see him as a host and not a real person and see him as inherently malicious.

Just before their ‘date’ ends, Taiga have almost having forgotten his real life, remembers he has to go back to become Kaworu again. Manami notices that he shut-down his heart, after he struggled reading the very meaningful and loaded line on how the Lion and the Mouse after saving each other “had to escape to a safe place where no human can reach them”. He was cold to her, which he apologized later. He was again all alone, frustrated, kicking a can on his way to become Kaworu. He hates to face his incapabilities as Taiga and relies on Kaworu’s persona, as it is the most success he has achieved, it is in his name, so he has pride in Kaworu and what he does. When his roommate asks is “is sensei now your real-girlfriend”, he denies and says meanly “stop with the delusion, with that kind of Obasan/aunty?”, as he is changing into Kaworu. As if to reduce the value of their relationship and minimize his feelings and attraction towards ‘obasan’, because he feels inadequate in front of her, more so with his growing feelings towards her, so he wants to deny and convince himself that since nothing's going to change, nothing will happen between them, so he will change nothing, so why think of it at all and he aptly calls it a 妄想/mousou/delusion.

Her Mom, Dad and Fiancé:

Mama bear visits Kaworu to protect her only cub, but has to drink because she has say mean things and lie behalf of his husband. She enjoys drinking and shows us the viewers a side that feels relieving, she’s not weak, she was made to become weak by living with a man like her husband. She gives break-it-off money and but he protests and asks what if he refuses the money, she spouts venom at him saying “her daughter will become unhappy if she’s near things that will breaks her equilibrium and even she finds you a troublesome”. And contrasts their lives how he’s a man pouring drinks and she’s a teacher helping her students.

And he just sat there as if he’s disassociating from the oncoming disappointment of losing Manami, but took it all in as if his soul was leaving his body🫥. Raul’s acting was just so great in this scene, even fans of the drama is saying things like "His acting was AMAZING when he showed prideful Kaworu". Really great emotional acting by Raul! He becomes unraveled, but keeps calm as he knows in the deepest part of his heart, yes it’s true, they live in two different realities, he knows it TOO well. That’s why he acted cold to her earlier. But when someone else comes and tells him this with crystal clear words, that too her mother, he despairs at the incoming reality. He wants to say “no this can be, we can be, we are different”. But he doesn’t and just protests the break-it-off money saying pridefully: “we don’t beg for money here, but if it is taken, we want you to drink and have a good time too”. But all he wanted to scream was “that’s not us!”. They are so pure💔

I am so happy that the mom did a switcheroo on us, she doesn’t give a f*ck when drunk! Shows she has hidden inner strength. She’s definitely going to be on Manami’s side and will accept if she sees the sincerity in Taiga. So glad to see the domineering patriarch is showing cracks in his power to maintain control. Even though the fiancé tried to collude with papa bear and enforce the patriarch, the dad was also shown to defend her daughter and not to give importance to him and says “too early to call me dad”. He’s still Manami’s father, and not going to care for this guy if she doesn’t want him, he wants a man Manami can rely on as he believes she’s not strong enough. The also dad meekly carry her drunk wife’s handbag after she shouted at his outdated boomer ways and wordings and was just so satisfying to see. Manami also hated when his dad commented on how to choose her wedding dress. She’s going to blow-up one day and give it to him. And he is going to be shooketh to his core, his perfect good girl is not what he imagined her to be. I really want Manami to move out become more independent tho lol

Why I think the fiancé is obsessed with Manami: IMO he has seen the potential in her when she told him she said she almost became full-blown stalker. Fiancé shows narcissistic traits and would give up his right-hand, if a woman be that dedicated and be obsessed with him. So he’s losing his mind why she’s not falling for him and screaming Santa showing anti-social behavior lol. I hope he’s not going to be a stabber. Might be though😰

The Perfect Confession:

I just loved that he said “I hate you.. so much” to Manami. Because he had already said “I love you” to Akina-shachou in desperation and said “I am in love with her too” about the high-school girl in front of Manami, so saying "I love you" has lost it’s meaning, so instead him saying he hates her was perfection👌

This is why I love this drama, an average drama would be like:🎬

🙋‍♂️: "I love yaa~" 
💁‍♀️: "I saw you sayin dis to two other hoes bruh?"
🤷‍♂️: "Nah fr this time fr, WoMaN belive mee~ when I say I looove ya~"
🙆‍♀️: "WOW *tears* he be fr, yaas fr" 👩‍❤️‍👨

Anyways LOL I digress..

Not all who WONDER are lost:

His confession protected their 'school’s' new rules, yet it conveyed his true feelings. Because they have a tacit understanding of each other, they don't have to explicitly state thier feelings. It was partially true too, because now he knows he now can’t be the same person that takes life as it comes, he is now a man who wonders: "Even if I can read and write, there will still be this huge wall between us" because you’re a school teacher and I am a man who’s pouring drinks at a host-club, like her mother pointed out. That reality stung not only his heart but pride too, all he has strived for and have become is now meaningless, so he now wants to compromise: “One last day with me? It’s a final school trip?”. The thought he might have to change is unbearable and he hates it, he says in the longer preview “are you possibly trying to change me? It's impossible”. But what he doesn’t know is he is now changed forever, he’s wondering ifs?. He was not like this before, it was revealing what his personality is like when his roommate asked him what he will do when he’s old, as you can’t be a host forever, he didn't wonder then, he postpones the thinking and delegates it to his future self: “I’ll think when THAT time comes”. He doesn't want to really do his homework until this episode too. But can he take it slow or wait until the perfect time comes and makes him think, when Manami is going away from his life at light speed?

Even though he doesn’t know Kaworu is dyslexic, the no. 1 rival host is bitter that Kaworu has no willingness to change, unlike him who got into University and that's the reason he hates him. Taiga seems to be the type who takes life as it comes as he has lost his will to dare hope with childhood trauma. And his mom also asks "have you enrolled in a night school?". So Kaworu's willingness to change is going to be a major plot point. He’ll wish Manami happiness for now and 'breakup', but I think one day when he realizes he'll lose Manami to someone else or he can be with Manami if he chooses to change, he will do everything to change. I think from 6th episode it will focus on Manami’s life and Taiga will learn more about her and fall for her more deeply than he does now, and he’ll realize he must change if he wants to become hers and one day with her isn’t enough for him.💔😭

Such a beautiful dissection of the episode. You write so well. I, too, loved the impromptu gathering. Even though I understand that everyone has real life priorities, can you please do the same for the previous four episodes? Not now, maybe later if you get spare time. You can write about the episodes even after the drama has concluded. 

Also, why would Tsubasa be upset about Kaoru not changing? What is it to him? I don't quite get it. Isn't his hatred for Kaoru because the latter is quickly going up the ranks? 

 shiawasenohikari:

Such a beautiful dissection of the episode. You write so well. I, too, loved the impromptu gathering. Even though I understand that everyone has real life priorities, can you please do the same for the previous four episodes? Not now, maybe later if you get spare time. You can write about the episodes even after the drama has concluded. 

Also, why would Tsubasa be upset about Kaoru not changing? What is it to him? I don't quite get it. Isn't his hatred for Kaoru because the latter is quickly going up the ranks? 

@shiawasenohikari
Aww thank you! Means a lot that my writing is thought to be good by another human.🥰 I am terrible at spelling so excuse me on that front lol

Sorry, I missed some points, Tsubasa says “we both started from the lowest place possible (can mean both socially and rank), but I worked hard to get into university but he on the other hand doesn’t work hard at all, but get’s ok results and even the owner is partial to him and he dares to loudly/proudly say I am gonna be number one”. And all of that grinds his gears as he is putting in the work trying to change his life, but Kaworu is breezing by. Tsubasa even tries to get scouted by Momoko lol. In the first episode they’re shown fighting.

Tsubasa: 
“You wouldn’t gain anything by betting everything 
on this shitty job of being a host. 
I am doing this for my future, and you’re just an idiot 
who can only see what’s in front of you right now”. 

Their characteristics were setup by then too. This drama is so interwoven on all character dynamics and slowly reveals their motives bit by bit and I love that. I’ll add this to the post too.
⭐️Fun fact: Tsubasa was a real life host turned actor.🤯

I normally don’t even write a single line of review on other dramas I love, but there’s something so special about this drama, I have started automatically writing this much about Manami & Taiga when I am here lol. I think it’s because I love every single character in this drama, I even liked the fiancé’s affair partner, she was like wtf😂 They are all so interesting and not a single character is here as filler. Also all the actors are perfectly cast. It really shows that this is a passion project for both the writer and director, they love telling stories and very deliberate with it. A lot of Japanese fans are saying this drama offers experiencing feelings that can ONLY be felt by watching dramas, and I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment.

The cinematography and how they frame each scene is amazing and adds so much. There’s something “儚い/hakanai/fleeting, ephemeral and in-vain” about this drama, it’s so moving just like finding a really poignant poem in a random book or like a dream you forgot but feel all the lingering feeling of it after waking up, and for a second you don’t remember your own name.. you know that kind of disorienting feeling. They are both helpless like two kids, drifting in their lives and I have never had this much empathy towards fictional characters. So I try to hold and dissect each scene as if to make myself understand their situation and motivations. I first came here wanting to share how his  writing improves in the opening in each episode🥹

Anyways, since a new semester’s coming up, I have to limit the places I fangirl and actually study😭 so this or the next episode will sadly be the last episode I would deconstruct . But I am planning to not watch the last episode but marathon from the first episode after the last broadcast for continuity. And if I get time by then, I’ll write something❤️ I also feel like I can’t justify writing about this drama because A LOT is lost in translation and it’s really frustrating as I can’t possible footnote everything. Things are missed on because most viewers don’t have the curiosity or the insight into how complex things can get even with basics like Uchi vs Soto or honne vs tatemae. Like how Momoko commented on Tsubasa's honne after he talked about his dislike for Kaworu, and then petted his hair, saying that she’s glad to see him stink of humanness. The drama is also a commentary of 毒親/dokuoya/toxic parenting; how toxic parents can ruin children’s lives by both over-interfering and being uninvolved.
 
Each scene is so full of so much beauty and yearning and each scene is interwoven and refers back and forth and builds on each other:

Like how Kaworu doesn’t even know the name dyslexia, the condition he is burdened by has no name to him, so he thinks something’s inherently wrong with him. No one cared enough to find about it. He thought the new teacher was “dissing” him when dyslexia was mentioned. It was comedic, but says how much he’s missed out about the world. Someone his age is not on social media and him not able to even read a child’s book etc. His helplessness is shown in all those tiny passing scenes in a very understated way. Just so beautifully done!

Or how Manami is a really good soul who got distorted by her surroundings. She’s looking for love and a place she can belong so she can breath a sigh of relief, but she wasn’t ever enough wherever she went and it got too much for her that she threw herself into the sea, gave that up too and went home (like the poem she teaches) to become a shut-in and she’s still there, stuck. 

Both of them were cornered by the world to be where they are now, along with the conditions they were born with and into, and they are lost and stuck. They are made lonely by the world, but they’ve given all they can, but it was never enough. Til they found each other that is, it feels like they found a home in each other where they are just enough.❤️‍🩹

@Nemurerukana Omg, I didn't know that Tsubasa's actor was a former host! I never really commented this out loud before, but he exudes so much charisma whenever he's on screen 😅 

Dang! He's so confident. I guess it's a wise move on his part. Rather than have some shady tabloid dig it up years later, he chose to embrace his past. That's not easy and I respect that. I hope this drama opens up more doors. Since there's enough stigma in the world already, I hope his former profession doesn't get in the way because I am happily hating on Tsubasa which means he's doing a good job with his character. 😂

😬🤭

With all the tropes known to man, right? 🤣

 shiawasenohikari:

With all the tropes known to man, right? 🤣

Give me all the shoujo manga tropes😂