I loved the drama but I agree with everything you said about the wife. She was not treated well by Dong Hoon and…
Frankly, YH was delusional. I mean, one could try to be generous and talk about two opposite views of family, but that was not really the case. We are talking about one's brothers and mother, not about one's cousin thrice removed.
Frankly, with an old parent to take care of, I would make perfect sense for them to live nearby. Quite frankly, YH is perfectly capable of understanding this, and in fact she explicitly mentions it at one point. I mean, quite frankly, where I live it's perfectly common for families to live literally in the same building, let alone merely close by. From what I know it's not at all uncommon in certain cultures, including my own, to have close ties to your extended family. Does't mean you like everyone, but it does mean that you accept that when you enter a relationship, you will have to deal with the other person's family as well, and they would take up space in their and your lives.
In terms of contributing to the family, from my experience, it is not at all unrealistic for family to help each other and for the economically stronger party to take up some of the slack. Quite frankly, it's not at all clear to what extend this happened here, particularly with DH apparently paying out of his own pocket and telling people it was from YH (we see him get the money from his bank account, and we also see that there is not much money there: he is obviously not spending on himself, and very clearly he is not living off his wife while accumulating capital on his bank account). We also know that YH is quick to point out the one time that she actually gave money to pay (in part?) to move DH's mother closer to where he lives (an obvious choice, given the woman's age, as anyone with older parents could understand), and she really doesn't meantion anything else (which, give that she even mentioned making kimtchi, I guess she would have done had she had other supposed "ammo"), so if there was any exploitation or big financial burden she was subjected to she would have been sure to mention it.
Actually, what is certain is that the family is surely not exploiting her: they all worked, so it is simply untrue to call her the sole breadwinner, and the brothers were trying to start a business, while DH had his own job. For that matter, we see DH giving the brothers money telling them they were from YH (i.e. for the wedding), while they come from his account (and we see that his balance is not all that high, very clearly he is not spending for himself or accumulating capital while spending YH's money), and when it comes to the brothers' business, the mother wants to mortage the apartment, not to exploit YH. For that matter, let's also note that DH's mother helped raise her kid so she could focus on her career. In general, I find rather disgusting/appalling that one would leverage their economic power over the rest of the family. Okay, she makes more money. So? It's not as if the rest don't work, and it's not as if DH's mom didn't help her out in return. Yet she is not considered "family", despite having helped raise her kid.
In general, what I do find ridiculous is the way that she puts DH in the uncomfortable position where he has to show up in front of his family without her, and make excuses for her, like in EP 7, where he asks whether she can make time to visit his brothers' new cleaning company, and she declines with an excuse, leading to him looking disappointed, but not surprised... clearly, that's how it has always been with her and the issue of family (and certainly in EP 1 where she misses her own niece's wedding!).
To be honest, YH seems to just want a romantic relationship devoid of context, and I am pretty sure that if she actually tried to turn her love affair in an actual relationship, by pursuing marriage, things would have quickly turned south. Actually, to be honest, things were already turning south, given the way she verbally assaults him in EP 1, in a way reminiscent of her own treatment of DH. It's clear that she was going to replicate the steps of her marriage in record time.
In terms of the mother, she was kind of clueless about how to thank YH, but she was certainly grateful, albeit not knowing how to express it. She told him as such at DH's promotion party. Imho she was clearly happy the few times that YH visited, particularly in the occasion where she and DH played the quiz game at the radio during their return trip. His brothers were also very welcoming/appreciative, such as when she went to DH's brother's company (again, for self serving reasons, to check DH's alibi about being hurt playing soccer). As for his mother, she did have some old fashioned ideas (I mean, call the police... an old person with old fashioned ideas? Nooooo, impossible), but her main point even there was about the fact that she regretted she had to work: she simply couldn't contemplate that in truth she wanted to work, that she liked it, and that it was not a sacrifice. Quite frankly, neither her nor DH were bothered by the fact that she made more money, DH's mom might have had the idea that YH would have preferred DH earned more then her so she could avoid working, but that was simply not the case. Still, the mom's concern came from a good place.
In that respect, though, I do have to stress that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her making more money than DH and that besides the mom thing, which was more for YH's sake anyway, as explained above, essentially no one had a problem with it, least of all DH. Again, it's not clear to me why it should. I mean, is this really something that they should be ashamed of? Or that she should be proud of? Or a circumstance to change? I mean, just because in many cases the man is the one with more money, it's not at all clear to me why it ought to be a problem when it is the other way around. And just like I don't think that if it was the man that made more money that would entitle him to some special priviledge, such as being able to cheat with impunity, the same goes for YH. Again, as explained above, nothing suggests that she is being economically exploited.
Frankly, I think that it's pretty clear how the distance is really generated by YH not having any interest in fitting in to DH's group of family and friends, but rather in wanting to get DH away from them. By contrast, see how comfortable even "outsiders" like JA or DH's younger brother's girlfriend are around the neighbourhood friends, and how, say, DH's sister in law or son are around his mother, who they genuinely consider family. Again, to me both DH's brothers, his sister in law and the neighbourhood people seemed to be pretty warm towards YH and actually to go out of their way to celebrate her. They certainly don't treat her any worse than JA or DH's brohter's girlfriend, who integrate perfectly well in the group.
Talking with another friend about her, she told me that her impression was that she wasn't particularly moved by YH's tears, because they always seemed to be more about herself than about how she had hurt DH. What I will say on that is that she certainly managed to make even something that ought to have been entirely about DH and making him understand how sorry she was for hurting him, be about herself, when she attacked him during the apology with frankly massively unfair accusation (I mean, given what she was apologizing for, good luck convincing any sane person that you put him first and he should be the one whose love for her should be questioned... who was sleeping with the other's evil boss whose lackeys suppressed their spouse at work, knowing he had been prepared to frame and fire her husband, but not considering that a reason to break things off with him, while lying to her about camping was, again? And her betrayal was much deeper than even that).
The bottom line is that her spiel in that occasion was pretty telling: she thought she could change DH, but she didn't, nor should she have expected to be able to. One simply doesn't owe their partner to change their core values for them. She couldn't accept him as he was, and couldn't accept his relationship with his friends and family, and thought she would be finally be happy when she was able to change him. If that was the case, she shouldn't have married him. She obviously knew how close he was to his friends and family, and should have either been prepared to be a part of them too, or sufficiently emotionally independent to be okay with the fact that he had strong emotional, non romantic connections to his community, friends and family (not really extended family, given we are talking about brothers and mother), if she was going to marry him: she brought all these problems on herself, and dragged DH down along with her.
YH married DH without accepting his relationship with his family and friends, and instead of working out a compromise with him, she made herself miserable while piling the blame squarely on him. And that's the truth of the matter, it's pure hypocrisy and an utterly false strawman (well, not even a strawman, given that the claim has no basis in reality) to pretend that things went the other way around: DH never complained about her pretending to go along with his values on family and friends, and it being just a ploy to manipulate him, and he only raised the point of being left alone in an empty house with her never being around when she accused him -after which she acknowledged that, very conveniently turned it into "who knows who started first, vicious cycle", and handwaved it away-, nor did he ever take her to task for essentially admitting to viewing her favours and relationship with his brothers, etc. in a transactional manner, the furthest from a genuine, disinterested act; or about her "plan" to solve this to be to separate him from friends and family in order to cope with her irrational insecurities, a plan that was not a compromise, but his capitulation. He didn't complain about any of that, though he could and should have. Or about her atrocious behaviour, etc. Or about the fact that she was constantly raising this issue, but never proposed a compromise (he also wasn't too happy to be alone in an empty house, but didn't complain, and imho it's just sick to pretend he stays alone at home because you are jealous of him spending time with his friends, despite the fact that you wouldn't be with him anyway... she is essentially asking someone to be alone in order to make herself feel better about her own insecurities).
DH sever accused her about any of the above, though he could and should have. He never blamed her for that part of the so called "failure of the relationship", he merely stressed that it was crazy to think that love was a sort of competition where loving your brother meant you love your spouse less. And it is a crazy notion, and given she presumably loves her son, she should be clear about that. By the same token, DH, correctly, did not back down in terms of what his values around friends and family are, nor should he: he doesn't think they are wrong, and factually speaking they are not wrong in any objective sense, other people like JA and his brother's girlfriend don't have any issues with them, etc. Just because YH doesn't like them it shouldn't mean that DH is wrong to appreciate and value them. That's not something he should apologize for, let alone that it would be insincere, because his stance of family and friends is pretty clear.
DH, obviously did hold her responsible for the affair she chose to have with his boss. And who else is supposed to be responsible: her victim, who was completely unaware of what was going on behind her back? Here again, DH was perfectly correct in pointing out that even if she didn't love him anymore, or was unhappy, she cloud have asked for a divorce. For that matter, even if she fell for someone else, she could have asked for a divorce and then pursue a new relationship. Absolutely nothing about loneliness, unhappiness, etc. made her total betrayal a necessity. For that matter, DH was rather unhappy, to use an euphemism, himself (I would say, suicidally so), and he never contemplated anything that would even come close to her complete betrayal. Again, she is entirely and solely responsible for her choices and decisions regarding the betrayal, nothing short of that would constitute taking responsibility in any adult sense.
And yes, anyway, the end of the story there was that she did betray him completely, and he very much did nothing even remotely close. So in terms of being terrible spouses, he never even came remotely close to doing something even remotely as disrespectful, emotionally traumatic, deceitful, just plain traitorous and repulsive. I mean, if you put everything on the plate, the complete betrayal pretty much dominates over everything else, the comparison between the two of them is not even close, nothing he ever even contemplated doing even came remotely close to being as emotionally traumatic and just sick and twisted, as her deliberate betrayal and deception, for entirely self serving reasons. I mean, from the betrayal and emotional damage to even just the motives and goals, there is no comparison. She betrayed and deceived him in the most complete manner imaginable, for entirely self serving reasons. Nothing else even comes close (and her appalling behaviour, from the verbal abuse to the gaslighing and unfair accusations were really the cherry on top of this sick, twisted cake).
Frankly, with an old parent to take care of, I would make perfect sense for them to live nearby. Quite frankly, YH is perfectly capable of understanding this, and in fact she explicitly mentions it at one point. I mean, quite frankly, where I live it's perfectly common for families to live literally in the same building, let alone merely close by. From what I know it's not at all uncommon in certain cultures, including my own, to have close ties to your extended family. Does't mean you like everyone, but it does mean that you accept that when you enter a relationship, you will have to deal with the other person's family as well, and they would take up space in their and your lives.
In terms of contributing to the family, from my experience, it is not at all unrealistic for family to help each other and for the economically stronger party to take up some of the slack. Quite frankly, it's not at all clear to what extend this happened here, particularly with DH apparently paying out of his own pocket and telling people it was from YH (we see him get the money from his bank account, and we also see that there is not much money there: he is obviously not spending on himself, and very clearly he is not living off his wife while accumulating capital on his bank account). We also know that YH is quick to point out the one time that she actually gave money to pay (in part?) to move DH's mother closer to where he lives (an obvious choice, given the woman's age, as anyone with older parents could understand), and she really doesn't meantion anything else (which, give that she even mentioned making kimtchi, I guess she would have done had she had other supposed "ammo"), so if there was any exploitation or big financial burden she was subjected to she would have been sure to mention it.
Actually, what is certain is that the family is surely not exploiting her: they all worked, so it is simply untrue to call her the sole breadwinner, and the brothers were trying to start a business, while DH had his own job. For that matter, we see DH giving the brothers money telling them they were from YH (i.e. for the wedding), while they come from his account (and we see that his balance is not all that high, very clearly he is not spending for himself or accumulating capital while spending YH's money), and when it comes to the brothers' business, the mother wants to mortage the apartment, not to exploit YH. For that matter, let's also note that DH's mother helped raise her kid so she could focus on her career. In general, I find rather disgusting/appalling that one would leverage their economic power over the rest of the family. Okay, she makes more money. So? It's not as if the rest don't work, and it's not as if DH's mom didn't help her out in return. Yet she is not considered "family", despite having helped raise her kid.
In general, what I do find ridiculous is the way that she puts DH in the uncomfortable position where he has to show up in front of his family without her, and make excuses for her, like in EP 7, where he asks whether she can make time to visit his brothers' new cleaning company, and she declines with an excuse, leading to him looking disappointed, but not surprised... clearly, that's how it has always been with her and the issue of family (and certainly in EP 1 where she misses her own niece's wedding!).
To be honest, YH seems to just want a romantic relationship devoid of context, and I am pretty sure that if she actually tried to turn her love affair in an actual relationship, by pursuing marriage, things would have quickly turned south. Actually, to be honest, things were already turning south, given the way she verbally assaults him in EP 1, in a way reminiscent of her own treatment of DH. It's clear that she was going to replicate the steps of her marriage in record time.
In terms of the mother, she was kind of clueless about how to thank YH, but she was certainly grateful, albeit not knowing how to express it. She told him as such at DH's promotion party. Imho she was clearly happy the few times that YH visited, particularly in the occasion where she and DH played the quiz game at the radio during their return trip. His brothers were also very welcoming/appreciative, such as when she went to DH's brother's company (again, for self serving reasons, to check DH's alibi about being hurt playing soccer). As for his mother, she did have some old fashioned ideas (I mean, call the police... an old person with old fashioned ideas? Nooooo, impossible), but her main point even there was about the fact that she regretted she had to work: she simply couldn't contemplate that in truth she wanted to work, that she liked it, and that it was not a sacrifice. Quite frankly, neither her nor DH were bothered by the fact that she made more money, DH's mom might have had the idea that YH would have preferred DH earned more then her so she could avoid working, but that was simply not the case. Still, the mom's concern came from a good place.
In that respect, though, I do have to stress that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her making more money than DH and that besides the mom thing, which was more for YH's sake anyway, as explained above, essentially no one had a problem with it, least of all DH. Again, it's not clear to me why it should. I mean, is this really something that they should be ashamed of? Or that she should be proud of? Or a circumstance to change? I mean, just because in many cases the man is the one with more money, it's not at all clear to me why it ought to be a problem when it is the other way around. And just like I don't think that if it was the man that made more money that would entitle him to some special priviledge, such as being able to cheat with impunity, the same goes for YH. Again, as explained above, nothing suggests that she is being economically exploited.
Frankly, I think that it's pretty clear how the distance is really generated by YH not having any interest in fitting in to DH's group of family and friends, but rather in wanting to get DH away from them. By contrast, see how comfortable even "outsiders" like JA or DH's younger brother's girlfriend are around the neighbourhood friends, and how, say, DH's sister in law or son are around his mother, who they genuinely consider family. Again, to me both DH's brothers, his sister in law and the neighbourhood people seemed to be pretty warm towards YH and actually to go out of their way to celebrate her. They certainly don't treat her any worse than JA or DH's brohter's girlfriend, who integrate perfectly well in the group.
Talking with another friend about her, she told me that her impression was that she wasn't particularly moved by YH's tears, because they always seemed to be more about herself than about how she had hurt DH. What I will say on that is that she certainly managed to make even something that ought to have been entirely about DH and making him understand how sorry she was for hurting him, be about herself, when she attacked him during the apology with frankly massively unfair accusation (I mean, given what she was apologizing for, good luck convincing any sane person that you put him first and he should be the one whose love for her should be questioned... who was sleeping with the other's evil boss whose lackeys suppressed their spouse at work, knowing he had been prepared to frame and fire her husband, but not considering that a reason to break things off with him, while lying to her about camping was, again? And her betrayal was much deeper than even that).
The bottom line is that her spiel in that occasion was pretty telling: she thought she could change DH, but she didn't, nor should she have expected to be able to. One simply doesn't owe their partner to change their core values for them. She couldn't accept him as he was, and couldn't accept his relationship with his friends and family, and thought she would be finally be happy when she was able to change him. If that was the case, she shouldn't have married him. She obviously knew how close he was to his friends and family, and should have either been prepared to be a part of them too, or sufficiently emotionally independent to be okay with the fact that he had strong emotional, non romantic connections to his community, friends and family (not really extended family, given we are talking about brothers and mother), if she was going to marry him: she brought all these problems on herself, and dragged DH down along with her.
YH married DH without accepting his relationship with his family and friends, and instead of working out a compromise with him, she made herself miserable while piling the blame squarely on him. And that's the truth of the matter, it's pure hypocrisy and an utterly false strawman (well, not even a strawman, given that the claim has no basis in reality) to pretend that things went the other way around: DH never complained about her pretending to go along with his values on family and friends, and it being just a ploy to manipulate him, and he only raised the point of being left alone in an empty house with her never being around when she accused him -after which she acknowledged that, very conveniently turned it into "who knows who started first, vicious cycle", and handwaved it away-, nor did he ever take her to task for essentially admitting to viewing her favours and relationship with his brothers, etc. in a transactional manner, the furthest from a genuine, disinterested act; or about her "plan" to solve this to be to separate him from friends and family in order to cope with her irrational insecurities, a plan that was not a compromise, but his capitulation. He didn't complain about any of that, though he could and should have. Or about her atrocious behaviour, etc. Or about the fact that she was constantly raising this issue, but never proposed a compromise (he also wasn't too happy to be alone in an empty house, but didn't complain, and imho it's just sick to pretend he stays alone at home because you are jealous of him spending time with his friends, despite the fact that you wouldn't be with him anyway... she is essentially asking someone to be alone in order to make herself feel better about her own insecurities).
DH sever accused her about any of the above, though he could and should have. He never blamed her for that part of the so called "failure of the relationship", he merely stressed that it was crazy to think that love was a sort of competition where loving your brother meant you love your spouse less. And it is a crazy notion, and given she presumably loves her son, she should be clear about that. By the same token, DH, correctly, did not back down in terms of what his values around friends and family are, nor should he: he doesn't think they are wrong, and factually speaking they are not wrong in any objective sense, other people like JA and his brother's girlfriend don't have any issues with them, etc. Just because YH doesn't like them it shouldn't mean that DH is wrong to appreciate and value them. That's not something he should apologize for, let alone that it would be insincere, because his stance of family and friends is pretty clear.
DH, obviously did hold her responsible for the affair she chose to have with his boss. And who else is supposed to be responsible: her victim, who was completely unaware of what was going on behind her back? Here again, DH was perfectly correct in pointing out that even if she didn't love him anymore, or was unhappy, she cloud have asked for a divorce. For that matter, even if she fell for someone else, she could have asked for a divorce and then pursue a new relationship. Absolutely nothing about loneliness, unhappiness, etc. made her total betrayal a necessity. For that matter, DH was rather unhappy, to use an euphemism, himself (I would say, suicidally so), and he never contemplated anything that would even come close to her complete betrayal. Again, she is entirely and solely responsible for her choices and decisions regarding the betrayal, nothing short of that would constitute taking responsibility in any adult sense.
And yes, anyway, the end of the story there was that she did betray him completely, and he very much did nothing even remotely close. So in terms of being terrible spouses, he never even came remotely close to doing something even remotely as disrespectful, emotionally traumatic, deceitful, just plain traitorous and repulsive. I mean, if you put everything on the plate, the complete betrayal pretty much dominates over everything else, the comparison between the two of them is not even close, nothing he ever even contemplated doing even came remotely close to being as emotionally traumatic and just sick and twisted, as her deliberate betrayal and deception, for entirely self serving reasons. I mean, from the betrayal and emotional damage to even just the motives and goals, there is no comparison. She betrayed and deceived him in the most complete manner imaginable, for entirely self serving reasons. Nothing else even comes close (and her appalling behaviour, from the verbal abuse to the gaslighing and unfair accusations were really the cherry on top of this sick, twisted cake).