Kara no Aji (2017)

"Do you think monsters are afraid of themselves?"

Seventeen-year-old Satoko struggles with an eating disorder and sense of alienation from her family and friends as she deals with her hidden eating habits alone in Taste of Emptiness. Director Tsukada Marina drew from her own experiences in the making of this independent film. Both heartbreaking and hopeful, Taste of Emptiness didn’t shy away from Satoko’s daily confrontations with her obsessive behaviors and the desire to overcome them.

Satoko and her friends, Yuko and Kanae, belong to the dance club and are preparing for a competition. The talk in the dressing room often revolves around weight and boys. At home, Satoko goes to the frig, hungry, but concerned about the calories in the food. When she does succumb to pudding she exercises afterwards. Her anxiety and OCD behaviors gradually grow worse as she begins to binge and purge. Her father notices she’s not eating but her mother chalks it up to a small appetite and the changing seasons despite Satoko’s weight loss. When her older brother realizes she's purging, the men organize an intervention at dinner against the mother’s wishes. After words held tightly for too long coming spewing out, Satoko leaves to stay with Kanae. Her problems only escalate in the new environment and soon she’s not going to school and drops out of dance. When she runs out of money, she returns home and begins therapy. While waiting on the doctor, she meets Maki, an “evening office worker.” The two become friends and spend time together. Satoko begins to understand Maki’s problems run deeper than they appeared at first glance, yet the unorthodox woman’s acceptance of her as she is bolsters her confidence.

Taste of Emptiness used an array of symbolism for Satoko’s emotions such as being underwater and wearing a Noh mask to hide her inner feelings. When she confronted her family at the intervention you could see her withdrawing into herself, the pain palpable and intensifying. Confused and scared of people discovering how confused she was, she vacillated between being angry at her family and angry at herself. “When I’m invisible, I can relax.” Satoko’s mom had to fight through her own denial about her daughter’s condition. Eventually, both mother and child worked to find a better place between them.

Reasons for eating disorders are as complicated and varied as the means for healing them and this film didn’t take any shortcuts or give any easy answers. Satoko worked with a doctor, medications, her family, and her friends. Maki’s influence on her also came as a double-edged sword though it did seem to jumpstart her healing. Taste of Emptiness was a slow paced jarringly realistic film about one teen’s search for healing and meaning as she dealt with the “thin ideal” and coming to accept she was okay even when she didn’t feel okay.

“I hope you can be who you want to be.”
“Even if I’m crazy?”
“You have to start somewhere.”

7 May 2024

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