Find Yourself

Mediocre Age Gap Love Story

I enjoyed seeing the different types of relationships and love in this drama. People go about love differently, but it works well in their own ways, or they don't. This drama wants to let people know that it's okay if yours is different from someone else's. I appreciated the familial support that the He family gave one another and the strong friendship that He Fan Xin has with her friends. The writers integrated a good amount of screen time with the leads and their relationship with the people around them. However, I was disappointed that this drama wasn't worth the hype (in my opinion). I wanted to give it a lower rating since I found the drama mediocre. But the other relationships, themes, and supporting casts added a lot to the drama to make it a bit more worthwhile.

OVERALL STORY RANT (spoilers)
The drama started cutely. We see Yuan Song pursuing Fang Xin and their process of falling in love. Right when we saw that she wanted to keep their relationship a secret, I already knew the headache I was going to experience. I was pretty wrapped in the drama until around ep 12. After that, I finished this drama in like double speed. I understand that this show's point is for them to find themselves, as the title states, "find yourself". Yet, I felt like they never really "found" themselves. They only became a bit more true to their feelings, and that "trial" that led them to speak their feelings wasn't that big of a trial either.

The drama lacked that push to make us feel like they were so in love with each other. When I watched it, I kept asking myself, why did they have to end up together? There were so many red flags that were given to us early in the show on their relationship. They weren't as happy as they thought they would be, and it wasn't even a healthy relationship. So why was Yuan Song so persistent in continuing to fight for Fan Xing? Why did Fan Xiang feel like Yuan Song was the one? Like why was I watching over 40 episodes of just mediocre love?

CAST/CHARACTERS/ACTING
I've seen a few of Victoria Song's works, and I feel like she's always improving. I was really disappointed in how He Fang Xin was written. Even if you're 30 and inexperienced in love, that doesn't mean she shouldn't have good emotional intelligence. We see that Fang Xin cares and communicates well with her co-workers, family members, and friends. So, why is she so stupid with Yuan Song? The only issue is that Fang Xin doesn't know how to express herself well, but Fang Xin still seeks other people's opinions. Because she was so self-conscious (which kind of contradicts her character, as she's supposed to be cold and indifferent), she comes off as selfish with her decisions. If I paused the drama and dissected her character and her issues, I would understand why she feels like she does. Her age, family pressure, society's pressure, etc., were all pressing down on her. However, even in her current situation, the actions that she took rationally don't make sense to me.

I believe I have seen Song Wei Long by trying to start other works from him, but this was my first time sitting through a whole drama with him. I was impressed with the micro-expressions he makes that adds to his acting. Some parts came off kind of awkward to me, but it wasn't too bad.

I was annoyed with Ye Lu Ming and Cai Minmin. Cai Minmin eventually came off as a good character to me, but Esther Yu's acting kind of throws me off. Ye Lu Ming did not come off as a likable character to me. He was so selfish and manipulative that even when he decided to let go of her, I didn't even feel bad. There was no such thing as a second lead syndrome in this drama. His feelings towards her never felt sincere to me.

RE-WATCH VALUE
It was a good one-time watch drama. I don't find that this drama is worth the time for a second or third round of watch, frankly, because the storyline was too simple that we could predict and follow what would happen next.

There's more I'd love to comment on, but to keep this review short, I'll end it here. Comment and ask questions if you'd like, and I'll try to give you answers!

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Two points to note.

This is an endearing drama if you can get over two things 1) the SML is a toxic, selfish, manipulative gaslighting stalker and every other character seems to think his behavior is normal (or acceptble when pursuing a girl) and actually condone it for much of the show. 2) the culture that puts so much emphasis on following parental and social expectations, which is the main reason the SML gets away with so much shit and why the FL is gaslit into believing that he is 'compatible' with him. it results in the FL choosing to conform and she puts in a lot of effort to be the 'perfect daughter'.

When watching this you constantly need to keep the title of the drama in mind. Sure it's a romance drama but more importantly it's a drama about finding your own path in life despite the pressure and expectations of family, and friends who you also love and don't want to disappoint.

The acting is good, particularly SWL. I honestly found it difficult to believe he was only 18 when this was filmed. He brings a very mature and solid performance to a character that is four years older than he was himself

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great drama. will rewatch again ?

I picked up this drama entirely because of Yu Shuxin. I did not regret it at all.
However I was not as invested in He Fanxing’s relationship as the side plots…at some point I was hoping she ended up with nobody, but it’s okay I don’t hate the ending or the execution of it, I’m just glad she’s happy. The character developments were wonderful to see especially Cai Minmin’s and He Canyang’s. (somehow this drama made teacher x student relationship ENJOYABLE for me even though most of the time it would gross me out) He Canyang went from the most immature person in his family who fools around with girls, but he grows to actually love Cai Minmin and become more mature overtime, while Cai Minmin learned the healthy way to love someone and became more mature and independent from her family by the ending. I also really liked the cheating husband and unwanted pregnancy sub plot that He Fanxing’s friends have, would definitely rewatch over and over again.

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Excellent writing to ruminate on relationships‼️

I like to think a little bit while I'm being entertained and a drama that fits that bill is "Find Yourself" starring the uber handsome Song Wei Long. "Find Yourself" is not high on the skinship quotient, which is a pity because the Song is absolutely gorgeous to distraction and there are plenty of closeups of his gorgeous self. He and the female lead are quite attractive together and have good chemistry. She's an older woman of 32 dating a younger man of 22 so the potential was there for some affection and flirting but they've written the female lead as too buttoned up to go for it even as her suitor proves that he loves her more than she's willing to love him. But the writing and dialogue are tops in that the various characters talk so much about love, marriage, and dating that it truly provides insights into Chinese culture and thinking that I find thought-provoking.

These folks are constantly talking with each other about relationships with their parents, boyfriends, husbands, siblings, etc. People can speak bluntly and truthfully about someone else's situation but less forthrightly about their own. The female lead He Fanxing is close to two college girlfriends and her own twin brother who lives across the hall from the family. The writers largely succeed at getting past the typical stereotypes: the mother and father eschew constantly nagging their children to go on blind dates and get married; one girlfriend is in a long term relationship but doesn't want marriage or children. The other has one child and another on the way and just wants to stay home to raise them but her husband wants her to keep earning money. And He Fanxing still wants to marry for love, not just for practical reasons, despite the unsolicited advice she gets from the other women at her office regarding choices for someone her age.

The first two thirds of the episodes are strongly dialog driven around the central relationship and it's many tributaries while the end seems to be about whether her practical side will win out over her romantic side. You can guess which side I'm on as a fan of this rom-com and its Prince Charming!

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This could almost be a perfect romance for me only if the SML and FL ended up together, and since they didn't (as expected), I wasn't as blown away by this drama as I would be. I was more invested in watching the scenes between Fan Xing and Lu Ming; their banter are so funny and their bond more natural than between Fan Xing and the male lead. There were so many misunderstandings between Yuan Song and Fan Xing, mainly because of Fan Xing constantly putting her foot in her mouth. I get it that she has never been in a relationship before, but she's a grown woman; she should act more mature than the young man she's dating. It was sometimes frustrating to watch the main couple argue over silly things, and it mainly stems from them keeping secrets from each other, not a good basis for a relationship.

Despite this, there are a few things I liked about this drama: there are no overbearing mothers, evil stepmoms, or annoying sisters. Even the rivalry between some of the characters were not as intense and hateful as in some other dramas. Healthy competition for the win. I also admired the close-knit relationship of some, for example, between the three best friends who support each other in times of need, or how close Yuan Song is to his stepmom or MinMin to her uncle, or how the work colleagues will go and visit people who are ill. Fan Xing is also close to her brother Canyang, who is sometimes jealous of how their parents treat the siblings differently, but helps his sister anyway. The show's internal monologuing also provided a lot of Fan Xing's self-discovered truths, where she hopefully matures towards the end of the story.

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Out of All of the Dramas I’ve Seen, This is My First Review

There’s so much to say about the drama Find Yourself that I almost don’t know where to start. Actually in the beginning, I didn’t have any intention of watching this drama at all. I didn’t like watching dramas about older women/younger men, but they completely won me over. I guess I was the target audience lol. The only reason I ended up watching this after having it marked “not interested” for two years is that because of Song Weilong, I put it on in the background while doing homework and got drawn in almost immediately. So I started it to seriously watch it soon after.

Now, onto the review. I constantly found myself laughing at all of the funny and awkward situations. I loved each character because they each had their own motivations and different path to finding themselves. I like how this drama deals with societal expectations, but also shows the viewpoint of her parents. I love how close He Fanxing and He Canyang are and they’re entire family is very heartwarming. There are also important life lessons that I’ve learned from this drama.

The beginning of the drama is probably more fun, it gets a bit more depressing later on but it ends nicely. I really, really, miss this drama. It’s one of the only dramas that I’ve seen that I feel I won’t be able to get over for a while (the other two being Someday or One Day and The Untamed). I don’t want to watch other dramas now, I really miss watching this.

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Almost had it

The first episode was awful at engaging the viewer. I had to force myself into continuing because I am a fan of Victoria's. The drama was just okay but it completely falls apart when you realize the male and female lead have no chemistry!!! It felt like a waste of time because I didn't believe they loved each other (nor did the female lead ever state explicitly why she loved the ml). Victoria had better chemistry with the 2nd male lead and that part was the most interesting. Song Weilong was pretty good and I am a fan of his now. I enjoyed the supporting cast and wanted to see their stories more.

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I started this drama because of Victoria but definitely stayed for Song Wei Long. Victoria's character is really irritating in my opinion. HFX started off this strong and beautiful woman and just became somewhat of an indecisive mess. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand that the drama is about her learning to overcome these insecurities and fight for her love but the effort is kind of laking. HFX is definitely in love with YS but at the same time has little problem playing along with YLM. But more than HFX, I find YLM to be worse consider his character is really manipulative when you consider what he's doing. He stayed by HFX as a friend with alternative intentions, and while he does seem to have genuine feelings for HFX, I honestly just find this man a little creepy. YS deserved better! though HFX does make it up to him at the end so its all good.
I think this drama starts off amazing and is worth a try overall!
Victoria and Song Wei Long look very good together!

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Small Disappointments Add Up

I am having to take a significant pause in watching the rest of this series for several reasons:

1. Stop petting her head: given the age/status difference, this seems wildly inappropriate even if meant affectionately. It minimizes her and what she is saying and never seems to really fit the scene.

2. Epic/profound fail on the Bechdel test: So far, 15 episodes in, there has not been one single conversation between women that is not about men -- getting one, keeping one, separating from one, marrying one -- they don't talk about work, family, pets, hobbies, dreams, hopes, or anything else without the overriding theme of "get man". Revolting.

3. Not by any stretch of the imagination, not even in remote, small villages, is any 32 year old woman that naive, oblivious, and unable to make logical inferences and sensible conclusions; this is like watching fruit rot -- it just gets worse and worse. If she's that stupid, she's certainly too stupid to earn a living, so doing this to a woman who is a senior administrator is beyond ridiculous and highly insulting. Let alone that it ignores the endless series of conversations about men, which in and of themselves would have given her a great deal of information.

4. Slapstick bits and hammy acting don't help: it's not frequent in most cases, but it is jarring and does not serve to advance the story.

5. College girls behaving like elementary school children with their dumb pranks, theatrics for attention, and outright doofy clothing in many instances.

That's it. If I can finish the series, I will because there some elements in other people's reviews that make me think it gets better.

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My advice to FL - "Trust yourself!"

I was excited to watch this series because older woman, younger man is one of my favourite tropes and a few of director Ding Zi Guang's dramas are in my watchlist. The series started off great (I love episode 1) but after 10+ episodes, I became frustrated. I dropped this series because I couldn't watch a self-pitying female lead and refused to waste almost 720 minutes on this mess.

What I liked:
1) He Can Yang - He is the reason why I pushed through until episode 24. He is easygoing but dependable and caring. I like that he always offer to listen to one's concerns.
2) Best friends Song Xue and Yang Xiao Yu - I like scenes where three of them hang out. Song Xue gave great advice most of the time.
3) Song Wei Long - Wow, so handsome. I love his smile. He resembles Taehyun of kpop group Tomorrow x Together.

What I disliked:
1) He Fan Xing characterisation - She is hardworking, independent, level headed when it came to work. I liked her character at first but when she lied to her school friends about her boyfriend, I was livid! I also despice her for feeling sorry for herself even though she was the one that ended the relationship. I also dislike Fan Xing for confiding in Ye Lu Ming rather than in her best friends whenever she had relationship problems.
2) Ye Lu Ming - I liked him at first and understood his sadness about "the one who got away". However I don't like once he schemed his way into Fan Xing's family. Devious!
3) The romance - I enjoyed romance between Fan Xing and Yuan Song before the breakup. Since their relationship is secret / "forbidden", I think the director could have done more romance scenes e.g. in the store room, hidden touches, surprise kisses. Anyway I am disappointed by choices made by Fan Xing - she totally not believing in herself, that's why she dictating how her first love should be.

Favourite scene
When Fan Xing took care of Yuan Song when he was ill

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