Kdramas always do this. They take something unhealthy, slap on all the soft lights and romantic OSTs and make you swoon over something toxic.
I recently finished watching Family By Choice, and while it's become one of my favorite shows after a long slump in dramaland, the main couple Kim Sanha and Yun Juwon opened up a can of worms for me in terms of how it got me thinking of how a lot of kdramas romanticize many unhealthy relationship dynamics.
For example, Sanha and Juwon are evidently codependent and emotionally immature from the moment they met and even after they meet after a decade. In fact, it's especially more obvious when they meet again. Interestingly, the drama actually *does* address this codependency through Sanha's "evil" mother character and Juwon's father but the show never actually explores this in any length because they had to wrap everything up in 16 episodes 🫠. I haven't seen the Chinese original Go Ahead this show was based on so idk know if Go Ahead explores this at all.
Now it's very obvious that all 3 "siblings" grew up enmeshed and trauma-bonded, and while that's not a direct red flag for developing relationships later on, I believe none of these characters have done (or had the chance to do) the emotional work and healing to become whole people before jumping into these new relationship dynamics. The main thing that exemplifies this is how Juwon always insists that the whole family should never keep secrets from each other and how they carry that into their couple dynamics when Sanha and Juwon eventually start dating as well. And how Sanha says he did want to return to Juwon only after he healed his own wounds but he couldn't while still living with the source of all his wounds (his mother) and had to come back to Juwon who has always been his solace.
Ironically, the other person in this enmeshed "sibling" trio gets the better end of the stick imo. Haejun's relationship with Dal is way better written. We've seen a bunch of these traits in male characters over the years, but I haven't seen a more sincere kdrama *female* character in her feelings for another person and still be such a mature, stable presence throughout. From their highschool days, Dal doesn't cling onto Haejun or demand he return her feelings. She is completely content with admiring him silently from afar while he lives his life, offering support and an objective ear whenever he needs it. Likewise, I loved the fact that Haejun openly tells her that while he hasn't reached her intensity of feelings yet, he is willing to try because she is an important person to him. The openness in their approach alone makes it much more realistic and healthy whether it actually leads to a conventional "happily ever after" or not. In my opinion, they should've allowed an open-ending for Sanha and Juwon too, to imply that they would work on their own wounds first before moving onto the next step. Now this isn't to say that one cannot enter a relationship without fully healing or any other kind of tiktok jargon, but considering the context of Sanha and Juwon's childhood together, it just felt like the better option.
Does anyone else feel the same way?
