
Put bad buddy in my vein:
My mom found out my BL youtube acc she asked what kind of videos are this do you watch this
i kind of gaslighted her but I don't think she is convinced
WHAT SHOULD I DO????????? I CANT EVEN LOOK HER IN THE EYES
I can understand the anxiety of feeling like there is an impending disaster as it regards her reaction. The fact that she has not brought it up since and is acting like she forgot it only adds the anxiety of the unknown.
My advice is to not approach the subject on your own. If she does not ask do not tell, kind of like that old US Army rule for gay people.
If she does ultimately confront you about it in a direct way, I would advise that you do not lie outright because a total lie is bound to be exposed totally. You want to give an answer as close to the truth as possible without admission to the truth itself. Hence, admit that yes you were watching BLs. Do not try to convince her otherwise because she will take it as you challenging her common sense of knowing what she saw as well as lead her to dig deeper questioning you about what exactly you had on your device leading you down a trap - a web of lies to hang yourself, like a fly to the spider. It is important to say "were watching" and not "are watching". Which is not a lie because when you are talking to her you are not watching it in the moment it would have been whatever time before the conversation, so it is in indeed past tense. This admission disarms her from the "what". Now she will ask the "why".
Do not say a friend introduced you to BLs ❌ because then she will want to know which friend and question the quality of friends you are making leading to you possible becoming defensive and drown in emotions. Emotions is your weapon here; she will come from a place of emotions because homophobia is fuelled by emotions such as hate. It is important you remain objective hence sticking close to the truth as possible. The more objective you seem the more confidence you exude and the more confident you look the more believable you will be unlike looking flustered trying to lie.
Say you discovered BLs online and fell down a rabbit hole. Do NOT use the word curious itself because then she will ask if you are curious sexually. Say you saw a lot of buzz about BLs on social media and checked it out (not a lie Heated Rivalry did boom on social media). This is where you bend the truth a bit, say that after you watched a few you did not get what all the hype was about (not a complete lie because some series are over hyped) and did not find it that interesting, and that you are not into it and that you forgot to delete the account because you were not focusing on it as much because of lack of interest. She will probably go off about it is good you did not like it; it is important that you do not push back, keep your responses limited to "yeah" and silence. At the nearest opening change the topic.
Do not look down while talking.
Do not look sideways and everywhere.
Find a spot just above her head not too high or centre of her head or her hair and look at that while speaking. It will give the illusion that you are maintaining eye contact and are sure of what you are saying (hence why it cannot be too many lies). She most likely will not maintain strong eye contact at all times because again she will be coming from an emotional place especially if she waits a while to bring it up; that is because she was building up to the moment. You will maintain that illusion of eye-contact creating a contrast that maybe will gaslight her a bit.
If it helps and you have a friend you trust, have them on the phone without her knowing throughout the conversation, so you will feel like you are not alone.
Hope this helps in planning your response if she confronts you.
I feel like I am teaching you to be deceptive 😭 think of it as survival.
Also, and you do not have to answer, if it is a case were you are also discovering yourself sexually or know that you are queer, the conversation will feel very heavy, but try as best as possible to keep calm and measured in your speech. Do not talk fast and in heat because you will let slip things you did not intend.
My last piece of advice to you - get through university and into a career and then you can act independently. Always move from a position of strength because standing up for ideals now may feel right in the moment, but at a cost you are too young and ill-prepared to pay.