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Find Yourself Will Test Your Patience But Make You Think

Find Yourself is an age gap drama that stars Victoria Song and Song Weilong. The story is about He Fanxing, a successful 32-year-old career woman who falls for Yuan Song, a 22-year-old intern at her company. As she navigates this secret relationship, she faces immense pressure from society and family to choose a more "appropriate" partner, leading to a love triangle with an older executive.

This is one of the most infuriating dramas featuring an age gap that you will ever see — and rightfully so, because the themes, the characters, and the situations are all extremely realistic.

In Defense of He Fanxing

I see a lot of hate for the female lead online, but as someone who is also no longer young, I can say with certainty that if a woman somehow missed out on dating in her twenties because she was building her career, she would absolutely act and behave the way He Fanxing does. People who are too preoccupied with working and building their future in their twenties tend to go all out and be silly and irrational in their thirties. I lived through that myself so I can relate a little bit too Victoria Song’s character. She did fairly well portraying a woman falling hard for a man she shouldn’t be falling for, and I did not have any problems with her acting despite what some people say.

Now that I've finished all forty-one episodes, I can say that most of the frustration and hatred toward her character comes from viewers who are probably younger or haven't lived in the same part of the world with the same type of family pressures she deals with. If you put yourself in her shoes, she is actually quite easy to understand. I think a lot of women want her to be a stronger character, but in this particular setting, she didn't need to be. She did what she thought was right for herself, her future, her family, and her reputation. I think a lot of us probably hate her because she reflects how the majority of us would behave if we were dating someone much younger and were put in the same situation.

My One Major Gripe With the Premise

This drama doesn't strike me as romcom-y or suspend-all-your-belief story enough to justify the premise of a thirty-two-year-old highly successful career woman being a virgin. Having no dating experience and never having been with a man are completely different things. I really wish that given the serious tone of the drama, the premise had been a little more realistic — because the drama itself is fairly compelling.

I would have taken the story more seriously if He Fanxing had relationships before, even ones that weren't serious. I wouldn’t mind if she dated, had actual intimate partners, but just never learned how to truly be in a committed relationship possibly because of the demands of her job. Writers really need to stop portraying modern successful women as someone who is waiting for their one true love and saving themselves for that one man. It's an outdated concept, and it was the first thing that didn't sit right with me. I would never believe that a successful woman who is surrounded by men and constantly socializing has never been with a single one. Usually curiosity wins anyway, plus peer pressure.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest — moving on.

Song Weilong as Yuan Song

I previously saw Song Weilong in Shine on Me and thought his acting was pretty stilted at the beginning of that drama, so I wasn't sure I'd like him in Find Yourself. But I was extremely impressed with his performance, considering he filmed this when he was probably around eighteen. I'm also quite surprised at the level of intimacy he was able to pull off with his co-star. His acting was extremely natural and exactly how someone his age would behave. I truly appreciated his effort here, and I think he was probably the highlight of the drama for me.

What to Expect

In the first 10 episodes, things progress pretty fast between Yuan Song and He Fanxing, which I had neutral feelings about — didn't hate it, didn't love it. But the writers set the bar very high for their romance with quite a lot of skinship. So obviously when they break up in the middle of the show and the writers choose for her not to take action earlier than she did, it puts a damper on her romance with Yuan Song because there’s literally not a single kiss until the last episode. This is the kind of romance storyline I hate. Because there is absolutely no tension here. I mentioned this before, and I will mention this again: if you are developing a romantic storyline, it needs to build towards something and not blow up at the beginning and then trickle little by little toward the last episode. You don’t really feel much satisfaction at the end once the romantic storyline concludes despite the conclusion being a happy ending.

I also couldn't entirely understand what attracted Yuan Song to He Fanxing initially. He explains it a little bit later, but I think it would have been beneficial to include that information earlier. However, as I continued watching, I enjoyed how the drama explored the fear and anxiety our female lead experienced due to the possibility of being stigmatized if she told everyone about her relationship with a twenty-two-year-old intern. This right here, if this was set anywhere in the western world, could have been interpreted as abuse of power. It is a huge no-no in the corporate setting where I work at, which in itself makes it a compelling watch.

The drama also makes some valid points toward the end about how women are looked down on for dating someone younger while for men it's perfectly acceptable.

Although the characters in the drama are dynamic, because they do go through transformation they feel static for the most part of the drama. I think that’s another flaw with this drama. Writers should have developed everyone through action instead of lengthy psychoanalysis through conversation with friends.

That said, if you're diving into this drama exclusively for the romance, you will probably be a little disappointed. This is more of a family drama than a romantic one. Yes, there is romance, and yes, we're watching several love and marriage stories develop in different directions — but understand going in that this is not purely a romantic show. A lot of scenes are very drawn out and long, and I'll be honest, I skipped through quite a bit. But some of them are interesting and compelling, and dialogues shed a lot of light on how different characters feel about different things happening in their lives. Some viewers may enjoy this slice of life take.

There are some genuinely fun laugh-out-loud moments though — particularly Esther Yu's character trying to win over He Fanxing's twin brother. Their relationship was extremely cute, and Esther Yu was a delight to watch overall.

Production & Quality

The camera work and production quality are pretty high for something that came out during Covid, which surprised me. The performances across the board are solid, and the side stories are interesting — they make you think about something real. Draggy scenes. Check. This was 2020, after all. Ridiculous premise of a 32 year-old virgin. Check. Uneven pacing for the romantic storyline for both twin brother and twin sister. Check. I wish writers developed both romances differently. Yuan Song and He Fanxing start flaming hot, then crash and burn, and then she spends 2/3 of the drama with another man until the very last episode. Her brother and Melon take half the drama to get together and we don’t even see them sharing a proper romantic kiss.

Final Verdict

If you're into serious sensitive but important topics, interesting family dynamics, and multiple characters with multiple storylines, you'll probably enjoy this. I would say keep an open mind about the main female lead and try to put yourself in her shoes. Yes, she is indecisive and at times unlikable, but I think most of us in her situation would behave exactly the same. If you're watching this for Song Weilong — and I know many of you are — just have some patience with the pacing and know that his performance here is well worth it.

Overall, this is not a bad drama. Find Yourself is a little bit different from typical romantic comedy but the drama does explore interesting and important topics. I say give it a try and if you still don’t like it after a few episodes, don’t bother. I liked certain parts and certain parts were frustrating but overall, I am glad I watched it. It did leave an impression on me.