This review may contain spoilers
Shine on My Awkwardness
Haven't finished the drama, but for the first 9 episodes there's really only one word for my experience: Awkward.
It's not just that the characters were awkward, because I actually did not mind that so much. The main characters were mostly kids freshly graduated from college, and having been there myself, I appreciated depicting more of the faux pas that happens with young, innocent, well intentioned impulsiveness. The drama itself also appears to understand when someone said something really weird and off-key, so that all seemed deliberate and with purpose, so in my books, that's acceptable. But I found myself questioning the writing and the writing process, because THAT seemed awkward too. It's one thing if something embarrassing happens because this was a personality trait, like a character is just really shy and lacks the sharp tongue necessary to resolve situations rapidly, or is insecure and lacks the confidence to stand up for themselves, but the characters keep getting themselves into weird situations and misunderstandings that feel completely unnecessary. In the beginning, FL had a crush on the SML. She was bold enough to confess first, but for some reason he didn't actually answer? And upon learning that her roommate also had a crush on SML, she acted all awkward and regretful about it, leading to these long, painful sequences where FL and SML would stare at each other wordlessly over and over again. What did the roommate having a crush on SML have to do with anything if FL confessed without knowing and he should have answered? How do you have such a conversation without a resolution one way or another? Did the writers not know how conversations work? If SML actually liked the roommate back, then be like your old confident self who confessed first and cut things off, stop pining after him like a loser. If he didn't requite the roommate's feelings, WHAT DOES THE ROOMMATE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? Why didn't he just answer? If he didn't reply then he doesn't like you, move on exactly like you would if he liked your roommate back. Hello? It's such a bizarre way to land in this limbo state, both look like idiots and it's so hard for me to believe I'm enduring all these scenes for any good reason. What kind of logic did the writer use to explain this situation? Each time it comes up, I'm not sympathetic toward the characters, I'm just baffled.
And then even weirder was the ML, who's a neurosurgeon; I don't know exactly how old ML is supposed to be and whether this was addressed somewhere I'm missing, but folks, Chinese medical school lasts at least 5 years, which is 1 year longer than your average uni, and that's assuming you don't aim for a PhD, which ML apparently had, so he needed to have been in school for at least 7-8 years. Then you enter residency; first year of any residency is always the year where you're mostly clicking charts, prescribing Tylenol to inpatients, and observing from the back in the OR. If you've proven yourself and the attending is in a good mood, MAYBE you get to retract, which isn't really relevant in something like neurosurgery; at most, you might be able to close with sutures at the end of the case. Neurosurgery residency in the US takes 7 years, I guarantee in China it wouldn't take any less time to complete, which means it would be a few years before you're trusted to do a full surgery on a patient's brain front to back. Not being a neurosurgeon myself, I'd wager end of 2nd year, beginning 3rd year at the earliest, and only very simple, short cases; honestly I really doubt a resident would be trusted to do a full case that early. Still, let's say ML is a genius and he defied all convention and really did pick things up that fast. So at the time of ML and FL's meeting, FL would have been 22 years old, ML should have been at least 29 or older, because he was referred to as a PhD, he was shown performing an 8 hr surgery as a primary, and then having a car accident that damaged his dexterity after which he was out of surgery for a year. Now I'm not talking about the age gap, I'm talking about ML, despite being a surgeon and at least 7 years older than FL, being weird enough to blame FL for not showing up to see him at the hospital after his car accident despite never even having met before? Even a 10yo wouldn't be this irrational, and this guy's supposed to be a neurosurgeon and the hero of the story? Furthermore, his characterization also makes zero sense; he is depicted as a guy who silently angsts while glaring at FL for her seeming abandonment a year ago when she clearly had no idea what he's upset about. The dude's a SURGEON. What self-respecting surgeon is able to shut up about themselves and whatever is on their minds? Yes, they can be socially awkward, but not because they don't say enough! If anything they're absolute divas, especially if they do NEUROSURGERY, I defy any of you to find a surgical specialty more proud of how brilliant they are than BRAIN SURGEONS. These people make decisions about whether or not to cut your head open, they're not going to waver about saying what they want to say, and they're certainly not going to care whether you want to hear it. So this whole weird dynamic of ML misunderstanding FL for several episodes straight and not being able to clear things up because he has selective emotionally-triggered mutism immediately knocked me right out of the immersion. It's fine if 22yo college grads who are still wet behind the ears don't know how to express themselves, but an almost 30yo former neurosurgeon is just pathetic. "Maybe he suffered brain damage from his car accident", you might say. Well, then maybe he should focus on his brain damage instead of hooking up with his employee. And I won't even go into how ludicrous it is for him to sit with his former colleagues in FL's room when she was admitted at the hospital, discussing other patient cases like some weirdo. What do they think they are, neurologists? Did they forget that workstations exist where they don't need to discuss private medical information in front of those who aren't part of the care team? Anyway, if you don't know how neurosurgeons behave, don't make your character a neurosurgeon. If you don't understand how 30yo adults behave, don't write about 30yo adults. There are plenty of much more natural, realistic series of events that can lead to awkward tension between two people, if you're not able to design a believable context then you shouldn't be writing this kind of plot. It's just so clear that these writers don't actually understand the topics and people they're writing about. I'm not dropping this show because it's awkward, I'm dropping it because it so clearly did not have to be and this is what makes it more agonizing than anything else. If I'm constantly wondering why the writers designed the show this way, chances are many of you would find this show more insufferable than enjoyable.
It's not just that the characters were awkward, because I actually did not mind that so much. The main characters were mostly kids freshly graduated from college, and having been there myself, I appreciated depicting more of the faux pas that happens with young, innocent, well intentioned impulsiveness. The drama itself also appears to understand when someone said something really weird and off-key, so that all seemed deliberate and with purpose, so in my books, that's acceptable. But I found myself questioning the writing and the writing process, because THAT seemed awkward too. It's one thing if something embarrassing happens because this was a personality trait, like a character is just really shy and lacks the sharp tongue necessary to resolve situations rapidly, or is insecure and lacks the confidence to stand up for themselves, but the characters keep getting themselves into weird situations and misunderstandings that feel completely unnecessary. In the beginning, FL had a crush on the SML. She was bold enough to confess first, but for some reason he didn't actually answer? And upon learning that her roommate also had a crush on SML, she acted all awkward and regretful about it, leading to these long, painful sequences where FL and SML would stare at each other wordlessly over and over again. What did the roommate having a crush on SML have to do with anything if FL confessed without knowing and he should have answered? How do you have such a conversation without a resolution one way or another? Did the writers not know how conversations work? If SML actually liked the roommate back, then be like your old confident self who confessed first and cut things off, stop pining after him like a loser. If he didn't requite the roommate's feelings, WHAT DOES THE ROOMMATE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? Why didn't he just answer? If he didn't reply then he doesn't like you, move on exactly like you would if he liked your roommate back. Hello? It's such a bizarre way to land in this limbo state, both look like idiots and it's so hard for me to believe I'm enduring all these scenes for any good reason. What kind of logic did the writer use to explain this situation? Each time it comes up, I'm not sympathetic toward the characters, I'm just baffled.
And then even weirder was the ML, who's a neurosurgeon; I don't know exactly how old ML is supposed to be and whether this was addressed somewhere I'm missing, but folks, Chinese medical school lasts at least 5 years, which is 1 year longer than your average uni, and that's assuming you don't aim for a PhD, which ML apparently had, so he needed to have been in school for at least 7-8 years. Then you enter residency; first year of any residency is always the year where you're mostly clicking charts, prescribing Tylenol to inpatients, and observing from the back in the OR. If you've proven yourself and the attending is in a good mood, MAYBE you get to retract, which isn't really relevant in something like neurosurgery; at most, you might be able to close with sutures at the end of the case. Neurosurgery residency in the US takes 7 years, I guarantee in China it wouldn't take any less time to complete, which means it would be a few years before you're trusted to do a full surgery on a patient's brain front to back. Not being a neurosurgeon myself, I'd wager end of 2nd year, beginning 3rd year at the earliest, and only very simple, short cases; honestly I really doubt a resident would be trusted to do a full case that early. Still, let's say ML is a genius and he defied all convention and really did pick things up that fast. So at the time of ML and FL's meeting, FL would have been 22 years old, ML should have been at least 29 or older, because he was referred to as a PhD, he was shown performing an 8 hr surgery as a primary, and then having a car accident that damaged his dexterity after which he was out of surgery for a year. Now I'm not talking about the age gap, I'm talking about ML, despite being a surgeon and at least 7 years older than FL, being weird enough to blame FL for not showing up to see him at the hospital after his car accident despite never even having met before? Even a 10yo wouldn't be this irrational, and this guy's supposed to be a neurosurgeon and the hero of the story? Furthermore, his characterization also makes zero sense; he is depicted as a guy who silently angsts while glaring at FL for her seeming abandonment a year ago when she clearly had no idea what he's upset about. The dude's a SURGEON. What self-respecting surgeon is able to shut up about themselves and whatever is on their minds? Yes, they can be socially awkward, but not because they don't say enough! If anything they're absolute divas, especially if they do NEUROSURGERY, I defy any of you to find a surgical specialty more proud of how brilliant they are than BRAIN SURGEONS. These people make decisions about whether or not to cut your head open, they're not going to waver about saying what they want to say, and they're certainly not going to care whether you want to hear it. So this whole weird dynamic of ML misunderstanding FL for several episodes straight and not being able to clear things up because he has selective emotionally-triggered mutism immediately knocked me right out of the immersion. It's fine if 22yo college grads who are still wet behind the ears don't know how to express themselves, but an almost 30yo former neurosurgeon is just pathetic. "Maybe he suffered brain damage from his car accident", you might say. Well, then maybe he should focus on his brain damage instead of hooking up with his employee. And I won't even go into how ludicrous it is for him to sit with his former colleagues in FL's room when she was admitted at the hospital, discussing other patient cases like some weirdo. What do they think they are, neurologists? Did they forget that workstations exist where they don't need to discuss private medical information in front of those who aren't part of the care team? Anyway, if you don't know how neurosurgeons behave, don't make your character a neurosurgeon. If you don't understand how 30yo adults behave, don't write about 30yo adults. There are plenty of much more natural, realistic series of events that can lead to awkward tension between two people, if you're not able to design a believable context then you shouldn't be writing this kind of plot. It's just so clear that these writers don't actually understand the topics and people they're writing about. I'm not dropping this show because it's awkward, I'm dropping it because it so clearly did not have to be and this is what makes it more agonizing than anything else. If I'm constantly wondering why the writers designed the show this way, chances are many of you would find this show more insufferable than enjoyable.
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