Charming92

Yes, this is indeed a tough, but i understand what you mean, and i agree. I hadn't realise till out conversation that loving acts when they begin to suffocate lose everything they stand for and they become poisonus... This is such a reality. Such a sad one.

I agree Hee Tae was kind of too good for his own good, maybe a bit unrealistic too. He was too caring and loving, i believe people like this do exist, but they are extremely rare, especially in our fucked up society. Hee Tae's character is seriously a role model for me, and i absolutely LOVE the actor! Uhm Tae Woong was brilliant!

Thank YOU! For understand my points and being open to them. I loved our conversation!

First of all, thanks for reading all my super long comments and reviews, it really means a lot!! :)

Back to the drama, "You can never be nice to people if you weren't nice to yourself first." This is so pretty, and so true, and so nice, and so sad at the same time! I agree with you. Just one thing, i have a problem with the phrase "playing the nice person", the use of the word playing is implying that she isn't really a good person she is just pretending, and i really can't see Il Ri like that. I can agree, though, that Il Ri overdid it with her kind heart and at some point she started hurting herself, and she couldn't even realise it. Super dramatic, heartbreaking i may add...

As for Hee Tae, omg what a wonderful and selfless person... Hee Tae was like that, he was the better person, he did love her that much. I've tried to put myself in Hee Tae's shoes many times. All his reactions the way he handled and adressed things, everything seemed so real, and i think would have done exactly what he did the exact way he did them. His reaction is possibly the best thing of this show. The way he got through different stages to comprehend what happened in his life, from denial, to hate, to misery and then gradually he stepped into her shoes, understing what was happening in her life, and then forgiving her. It is worth saying that i could never forgive betrayal either, and i don't know if the fact that he forgave get is unrealistic (it might be) but in the peculiar way betrayal is presented here, i would have forgiven my wife too.

Believe it or not i've read several reviews online accusing Hee Tae of being selfish ect, how can you say he is selfish. The person who got to the point of saying to her "be with him if you want, but please don't leave me". Who will ever take his self-esteem, eat it all up, and say something like that? WHO? WHO? Out of all the rom-coms about true love and shit, i've ever watched, this phrase killed me, i died... Hee Tae is trully a wonderful and amazing person!

About Kim Jun, him not being married doesn't make what he did any less horrible. The fact that he wasn't married doesn't make the fact that he went between a married couple any less disgusting... Yes, sure if he was married there would have been another person being hurt, but i can't give him a pass because he wasn't married.

The best thing i can say about Kim Jun is that he saw a person he liked, and cared about for the first time since his step-father, he saw she was unhappy, and he was dead-set on making her happy. Kim Jun obviously had mommy issues, there was a female character for the first time (possibly) ever in his life that showed that she cared for him (care as in: Il Ri wanted to help him with the multiplication tables), so he was like "i will make her happy, only i can". I admire that. You believe you can make her happy? Ok, tell her, and show her, AND THEN STAY THE FUCK BACK, SHOW HER YOU ARE THERE, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WAIT FOR HER TO DECIDE!! Instead he became a huge douchebag, being pushy not being able to understand her, or where exactly she is in her life! He lost any kind of compasion i had for him during the final 4-5 episodes...

I am not exactly sure what the message of this show is. I certainly took so many things on relationships and i cherish this show very much. You are probably right though, at least one point this show makes is that you need to love yourself first! This is really beautiful, thank you for making me realise that.

I don't think it was the "nice person" syndrome. I don't believe she "chose" to trap herself. I highly doubt she "chose to complicate things" things were really complicated on their own.

Everything came down upon her (when they came back from their honeymoon and Hee Soo collapsed) and there were 2 possible options:

1. Tell Hee Tae: "Fuck your family, i can't stand them, your parents have problems tell them to divorce, i can't deal with them, and your brother is a freaking failure, i can't deal with him, and your sister is sick, i seriously can't deal with her either. Let's just leave this dysfunctional family and go live together somewhere else"

2. Suck everything up, because she loved his family. She loved his sister, she was the person she used to look up to, and her best friend at the same time. She loved his parents for whatever reason, she grew close to everyone. Yes, sure she was a nice person, when did we start blaming kind-hearted people who want to help?

I am not justifying what she did, of course it was wrong! All i am asking everyone to do is to put yourself in her shoes...

If she had chosen option 1, Hee Tae would have taken her and would have left his family, and in 5-10 years they would have broken up, because he would have felt bad for missing his family, and he would have blamed her for not being there for them.

You might say, there can't be just those 2 options, this is too black and white... but in my opinion any other option would have had the same results in the very end... Obviously they were both too close to that family, so their marriage would have been affected anyway. Something bad would have happened anyway... The only way they could have lived happily ever after is if they had both chosen to leave that family with all its problems and never be affected by it, but that is unrealistic. Imagine your family having all those problems, and put yourself in Hee Tae's and then Il Ri's shoes.

If I was Hee Tae, i'd want to stay and help them, if my wife told me she can't deal with them we'd leave and when the situations got even worse back home i'd grew slowly angry at my wife. And if i was Il Ri i'd feel bad to tell him let's pack up and leave. I married him, this is part of my family now, imagine that Il Ri actually loved them on her own, not just because they were her husband's family... Am i overthinking this? Am i overreacting? Maybe i am... I don't even know anymore....

I am merely saying that she isn't the hugest slut in the world. Why? Because she was trapped in a difficult situation and what she found in Kim Joon wasn't a person to fuck and get away from her boring life. She didn't have an affair with another man because "he smelled another man's sent", this was like the 10% of the affair. Of course she felt weird when another man got that close to her when her husband was her one and only ect, but i don't think she felt like she wasted 7 years of her life waiting for her husband, nor that she regretted choosing him and only him... She always loved her husband, she never stopped. Kim Joon was merely just a window for her to be her old free self again.

I don't understand where you got that she blamed everything on her husband... Did i mention something like that? I'm sorry it's been a while since i watched the drama. It is just my belief that the husband is to blame too up to a certain point. His wife was extremely unhappy, and while he was the best husband possible, he loved her ect, he was "absent" sometimes. I still remember how he told her "lets put Hee Soo to a hospital so we can live better", and Il Ri was like NO! So he gave it a rest without rethinking it, without digging deeper. I know and i completely understand that he isn't a magician or anything, it isn't easy to understand the reasons why someone says something, i just believe he could have done something more. Not in any case, i blame him. He is the biggest sweetheart i've ever seen in a show, and i know what i say about him digging deeper is unrealistic, noone would have done it in real life (and thats exactly what the drama shows you) but i can't give the 100% of the blame to Il Ri. I can't just see her as this little slut who felt bad about her life and felt sorry for her life decisions so she cheated. Thats just how I view her, it might not even be right, but that's just my belief.

She obviously chose to help the family not because of the "being nice" syndrome, but because she loved the family. I guess, she was expecting Hee Soo to get better in the future, thats why she decided not to get pregnant for now. But things didn't go as she planned them... they never go as we plan them... This situation kept staying the same, and she ended up being unhappy, and that was when she convinced herself that she is happy, so she could continue. She wasn't even aware of that, Kim Joon saw that, and he told her. How can Kim Joon see her pitiful life and how unhappy she was and her own husband couldn't?

About what you said about her character being the most selfish, i completely agree and completely dissagree with you, and this is why this show was a masterpiece. Because she was indeed super selfish, and at the same time the most selfless person ever lived! How can we call her selfish when she shouldered the burden of an entire family?! She was there for his parent's fights, she pushed his brother to become better, she was a wonderful wife (what you said about her decided alone on not having a baby, you are right, no matter her reasons, which were justified up to a certain point, this isn't a decision someone takes on his own), and she took care of his sick sister, and was abused by her mother in law at the same time. Never batted an eye, never complaned about anything. Yes of course noone asked her to do any of that, she was happy to do it, or she convised herself that she was happy to do all these because she blamed herself for Hee Soo, in any case, i can understand people saying what you said about her putting herself into all this and then cheating, but i believe this is a very superficial way to see everything. Let's dig deeper. Maybe for some reason i want to give her a pass and excuse, but for whatever reason, i get her, or at least i try to....

But yes, she is selfish for all the reasons you said, for obviously choosing herself when she started the affair, when she crawled back into his life when he told her to go away for everything. But aren't people selfish beings? Can we blame her for being selfish? Noone blames Kim Joon for pushing WAY too hard to get her. I never read any comments about him being an ass when he stormed inside Hee Tae's home wasted and demanded to live with them... Noone said anything when he put her inside his truck and drove to take her away without her consult... Why? Because he wasn't married? Because he was a man? Why? Wasn't he super selfish? Imo he was the most selfish person in the drama and the most unlikeable....

Anyways, i understand all your second thoughts, and i appreciate your different point of view. I loved how this show have SO SO many different view points depending on who is watching and how they understand things. Thank you for replying and sorry for the long ass post!

I love shows that talk about relationships, valid love is literally the best drama i have ever watched. I'll definately watch a wife's credentials, but maybe after a few months/weeks. (you did make wanna watch it now though)

I have already added the i need romance series, the descriptions sounded like other shows i've watched, and totally my type of drama! Thank you for the recommendations :D

No, i am a kdrama rookie lol. I chose valid love mostly because i am a fan of Uhm Tae Woong. Its the 2nd drama i've watched. Is "A wife's Credential" good? I haven't heard of it. I should add it!

I want to start a new kdrama, but if i'm afraid depression is around the corner for me if i watch something as heavy as valid love. I am having trouble sleeping because of it, because i am thinking about it. I am obsessed and its not even cute! haha

I don't call her a slut, i am just saying what most people thought without actually trying to be in her shoes!

I gave it a lot of thought, and i think in the very end, i would have acted exactly the way she did. I would have cheated, not gotten physical, and would have ended it fast. I totally get where she was coming from. The drama was amazing, so deep, so heavy!

People are close minded, and they tried to find excuses to hate the main characters without understanding why they did what they did.

I would love for the situation here to be black and white. I mean, she cheated, she is a slut, he should move on. Or he was a sucky husband, good for her. I wish it was that simple.

Best drama i have ever watched!

I am single and i am definately against adultery, and i am a really judgy person lol. But i felt her in my bones. It wasn't the fact that she "jumped" the first person she met. It was that she was so unhappy, and wasn't even aware of it, and KJ understood. He took the time to understand her when her husband of 7 years had no clue.

HT was my favourite character in the show, he was the biggest sweetheart, and imo the one who is the least at fault, but i think he would be sad if he moved on. He would be completely alone trying to look after a sick mother. His answer was IR. Sure he could have ended up with SJ, she would have taken good care of him, but he seriously didn't love her. IR was his soulmate.

As for IR, yes she might do the same thing again, thats always a possibility, but i doubt she will. She didn't cheat because she didn't love him, she cheated because she was unhappy, not because of him but because of all the problems the family had put on her. To make my thought clear, her main problem was Hee Soo. Hee Soo is gone, she is gonna be happy with her husband. Imo she loved them both, but HT was more important, and she made the right choice

I agree with everything you said. HT's family was the show's main premise. Although, i don't think the right choice for IR was KJ. Sure she loved him, but she didn't start a relationship with him because she didn't want HT anymore, and she didn't go back to him just because of him family.

Surely if HT's mother didn't have dementia i doubt they would have ended together, but still its not that she went back to him just because she loves his family and that family defines her.

I think the show shows you she understands who she really loves when she had a panic attack when she thought HT is dead, and when she wakes up and KJ is there, she still sees HT. I was trying so hard to understand from episode 5 to ep 19 who she REALLY wants, and i don't think she knew herself. She found out when she woke up.

As for her relationship with KJ, yes they were good together, yes they loved each other (although their love doesn't cancel HT's love or IR's love for HT). But i think IR loved him not as a man, but she loved the fact that she didn't need to be THAT woman she was with HT. She didn't need to be the rock of the family, she didn't need to be tough, she could be her old 18 year old self again. She loved the fact that he was powerful himself, and she could be vulnerable next to him. I am not saying she used him, or she didn't love him in reality, but i think, her love for HT was deeper. The shit of his family made them separate, they never lost their feelings for each other.

Maybe exactly because she didn't want to be those things anymore, she should have ended up with KJ, but since Hee Soo died, (and she was the main problem of hers even though she loved her possibly more than herself), i think HT was the right choice.

I accept these types of marriages, but i don't believe they are healthy. In my opinion even if it seems like they have no problems, they have the biggest problem ever, their marriage is just a paper sheet nothing more. Everyone can do whatever they want in their own life, but i find that kind of relationship way sicker than what valid love showed us. Marriage is about being faithful, if you don't believe in monogamy then don't get married. Il Ri cheated because there were problems, of course there will be problems in a relationship, its human nature. Whats the way to not have problems? Regularly cheat? no, i can't accept that in my life.

Between open relationship with no problems and a normal marriage with possible problems i'd take the 2nd option even if that may mean that my wife might cheat on me. I believe in love in a more romantic way.

The problem with Il Ri was that she wasn't aware that she was unhappy herself. The fact that her husband was always perfect to her, and loved her like crazy, and the fact that she loved his sister, made her forget, or to put it better, push back, all the bad treatment from his family and all the heavy job she had to do.

The new guy was the one who told her, "you are like a pawn to that family and you do whatever they tell you". He was a completely different person, free, and real about himself, and he saw right through her. He had mommy issues and Il Ri was the perfect mom figure, with the way she took care of a whole family, so he fell for her, and Il Ri fell for him because he made her feel free again. He made her realise her sad life, and he loved her like crazy but for her he was a window to be free again, she loved him too, but it wasn't the same as Hee Tae.

I know this might sound stupid, and it might is, but i think its a reality that anyone around us can live.

You might say, if she wanted to be free she should have left her husband. Again it isn't that simple. She loved her husband like crazy, she didn't want a divorce. Its just a back and forth thing, she couldn't do anything in my opinion. I keep thinking and rethinking it, and i can't find any solution. Again, i am not saying cheating is the solution, but i get where she came from

I agree with you, and normaly i'd react the same way you say. But the way everything was presented here, i think i'd have followed Il Ri's footsteps, shut it up and do everything i am supposed to do.

About her husband, i can't say you are wrong either. I have read so many different opinions about him online, his character is SO well written and the actor did SUCH a wonderful job. I believe he is the biggest sweetheart of the show, the most selfless person. Generally men, we aren't good at reading emotions and situations, we prefer straightforward things, i get that. I don't completely blame him, especially when he tried to relieve Il Ri from his sister's presence, and she refused, but still, he isn't completely blame-free.

It doesn't really explain, all we get is that she collapsed a day after they came back from their honeymoon. It never explains how it happened or why. I guess it didn't really matter, the show wants to focus on the married couple and everything else gets explored to the point that helps the show explore the main couple's relationship.

It isn't that easy to escape from family. it isn't a black and white situation as i already said, you can't just say i have a problem with your family. I think, her husband loved her enough to take her away and leave his family if she had said something, but she didn't. Not because she was trying to act like a bigger person, but because she loved his family. Still please, don't say "then she forced everything upon herself" What was she supposed to do? Take him and leave? She loved him, and his family was suffering, staying there with him helping him was the right thing to do!

Its a difficult situation you can't get out from easily. I believe if they had left, their marriage would still be damaged. He would accuse her internally that he made him leave his troubled family and she would be the selfish person in the end. In many ways the result would be the same, he would resent her and blame her, he would cheat or she would or worse.

A day in a spa isn't going to help with such big issues, also i doubt she had any time. She was working as a laborer in the morning and then she was taking care of his sister, cleaning the house/cooking ect.

I am not saying cheating is a justifiable escape, of course not, i am just saying she shouldn't be the only one to blame. She is at fault but everyone is. This was her life for 7 years, her excuse of a husband couldn't get a grip? He should have payed closer attention to her, just because he treated her right and brought money home doesn't mean she should be happy like that! His family shouldn't have relied on her that much, and at the same time abusing her with their expectations! Of course she shouldn't have cheated, but that thing alone doesn't make her a bad person.

it isn't that simple, she was miserable while being with him because every problem of his family was on her. She had to take care of his sick sister, she had to be there for his parents fighting, she was pushing his brother to make something of himself. And on top of all that she was blaming herself for what happened to his sister.

When she met the new guy she didn't "jump on him" she wasn't like, "oh yeah i want him to do me so much, lets do it here in your house". It never got physical, and i am not implying that if it doesn't get physical it isn't cheating. What she saw in the new guy was a window where she didn't need to be the wall for a whole family to lean on. With him she found the excitement and happiness she had before everything in his family happened. She didn't need to be strong for him, he was strong alone. I am not saying she hated her husband, but she was miserable and she didn't even really know it.

You will tell me, why didn't she say anything if she was unhappy. It is extremely more complicated than this. She couldn't just be like "hey husband, your family is getting on my nerves lets shit on them and leave", she loved his family but at the same time they damaged her marriage and life. Life isn't black and white. This situation isn't black and white either. Everyone is at fault, her husband is, his family is, she is and the new guy is too!

Why was it unrealistic? Because everyone nowadays is obsessed with sex and giving it away easily? I agree it seems unrealistic but that doesn't mean it can never happen.

Kdramas are generally based on true love ect. Il Ri was convinced Hee Tae was the love of her life and she waited for life to bring them together again. I found it extremely cute.

The fact that people nowadays are sad beings obsessed with sex doesn't mean truthful romantic people are extinct, or their beliefs are unrealistic!

Aw, thank you a lot for reading it!!
This is the 2nd kdrama i watched so i know i'm still new to this genre, so my reactions might be a little over the top. But from all the dramas i have ever watched it was literally the BEST drama ever.

It is really unfair it was so underrated, i tried to figure the reasons for people hating it, all i ended up with was people's excuses to hate it from the beginning. I guess people didn't like the fact that she was in high school and he was her teacher. But how can you hate such an innocent love? Maybe people didn't like the fact that Il Ri was quite forward about her feelings when she was underaged. Still i found it extremely cute, funny most of the times. It wasn't creepy at all. Their love is everything i hope for in my life to be honest.

Moreover, i guess people disliked the fact that she cheated, maybe even got disgusted before watching it just by the discription. Its true that the discription of the show focuses a lot on the act of adultery, while the show itself focuses on the family problems more.

I seriously can't understand people saying it was bad, and even more how it got bad after episode 9 (which seems to be a quite popular opinion), in episode 9 starts getting more interesting. How can you ignore Uhm Tae Woongs' TOP NOTCH acting during his angry scenes? This kdrama needs an american remake movie asap! And needs to be appreciated more. Also the average of 7,2 it has here is seriously low!

She ends up with Jang Hee Tae