UnaSpenser

But, this is a comedy, which is using the device of extremes to make its points. In this case, "in a patriarchal monarchy, men are generally lower than average, because they don't really have to be more, since they can command their way through life via threat of violence/oppression." They all have to learn the hard way, once women who expect to be treated equally come along and stand up for themselves.

Also, I like that she isn't particularly brilliant or super-capable at anything. She's just a normal person, with some common sense, who deserves respect and friendship and has to muddle through along with those around her. That is, we don't have to be special to enact change. We only have to work in solidarity.

I don't like her, either. But, I'm glad at the way they have the FL responding to her. And, I'm guessing, that what she really needs is friendship. That she's grown up in a dangerous palace setting where she was isolated and couldn't trust people. It seems that she's slowly seeing how the FL has actually developed friendships with the other women and that, ultimately, she'll want to be in on the camaraderie of it. At least, that's where I hope its going.

I do wish they hadn't made her so ridiculously obnoxious.

He is not at all controlling, if that's what you mean. He's a very likable character.

On episode 11 and I'm enjoying this light, mostly sweet romp. The acting is all good. The story is cohesive. Love the solidarity amongst the women.

There are two things which just don't make sense and totally throw me out of the story. The first being the most implausible:

The FL is the one character who comes from a place where there are no arranged marriages. Her home region has monogamous marriages based on falling in love. She grew up in a happy home, with warm, affectionate parents. She would have grown up seeing people fall in love. Their storytelling would have included the thrills of falling in love. There would have been conversations with friends and at social gatherings about sussing out who was in love with whom, etc. In other words, she would have witnessed how people feel and what the signs are. There would be no reason for her to be anything but aware of this exciting dynamic that is a significant part of everyone's lives.

So.... how is she the ONLY character who does NOT know what it feels like to fall in love? I'm not a fan of this trope, in general. In this story, its particularly grating. If you had to have it in there, give it to another character. She should be the one who understands and models falling in love. Everyone else grew up around arranged and/or loveless marriages. I'm simply not buying that she would be this obliviously hurtful to someone who has been nothing but kind to her.

The second one is the young woman from the region where women are dominant. She has chosen to return with her husband. She knows that he may not be the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but that he's generally a good, well-meaning person. She told her sister as much. She has told her husband that, though there is a gender hierarchy in her home region, life is generally pretty laid back and fun. Yet, after making the choice to live her life with him, she continues to be cold and violent with him. He's has been very direct in asking that she soften at least once in a while. He's flinching around her, which is a sign of abuse. Its not funny. If the genders were reversed we would not find it acceptable to laugh at a woman flinching from the raised fist of a man. He's consistently friendly and making efforts to help her find happiness in a foreign land. If she grew up around women being generally good-natured and playful, why isn't she playful with him? She doesn't have to become romantically intimate to, at least, be warm and non-violent. I'm really uncomfortable whenever their scenes come up.

[I'll refrain from my critique about storytelling where, "if women were in charge, they would simply reverse the gender dynamic rather than generate something different" is at the core of the story. Its a pathetic concept of feminism, but, oh well. "Comedy."]

These two characters are not behaving in ways which fit the backgrounds we've been given. So, the supposed tension building up in the relationships feels overly contrived and it detracts from the humor. I really wish the writers had been more thoughtful about this. They've done a good enough job with everything else, for me to believe that they could have done better.

Still going to enjoy this, especially the ensemble dynamics. Just a little sad about these two facets.

Yay!

also, its simply boring to watch a character sit silently, looking lost, staring at a screen, for 7 episodes.

this is the part that bothers me. If he was traumatized, why hasn't the mother proactively gotten her child some help, rather than let him fester? Being a parent of a child who was traumatized and knowing all the subtle and not-so-subtle ways I worked to help her recover, its incredibly infuriating to see this mother who does nothing and then shames him. (and now seem to be colluding with Name to drive him into crisis for the sake of change.)

Name may be an adult, technically, but if he's spent an entire childhood in a state of untended trauma, he's not really an adult. He hasn't had the ability to develop and mature. He was basically emotionally abandoned and left to become wholly defined by his PTSD. This whole story line pisses me off.

having a similar experience. They need to interweave the stories more, if they want it be interesting. As it is, I never feel like I've enough of any given story to feel entertained.

I'm wondering this too. I homeschooled a traumatized child and had to balance the needs for absolute down time, while nudging them into activities and finding interests. My child is very much an introvert, but that doesn't mean zero interests in life. Even if its just reading books. Name should be doing something. If he's so traumatized that he has zero interest in anything, he needs serious professional help. Why has he been left to languish?

What's disturbing me now is that neither the mom or Em is directly talking to him about helping him - the mom could be doing things such as asking him why he chose not to talk; what that means to him; was there something about talking that was particularly painful? Inquiry, inquiry, inquiry. Sometimes seemingly little answers open the way to big understandings. They could be constantly thinking of creative ways for him to respond. Get him draw; take photos; search for books where a character feels like himself; have him work with animals; dance.... anything. Try anything. They don't seem to do that. They instead seem to be colluding to drive him into crisis, in the hopes that this pushes him out of his shell. Its a very cruel thing to do. And I'm not going to be supporting the idea of a romantic relationship with Em, if this is what is happening. In fact, I already think Em is jerk. He comes off as having zero care for how his behaviors are impacting Name. He could have gradually tapered off and been honest about not feeling up to the burden of being Name's only connection in life. Instead, he made commitments, then didn't keep them and then pretty much ghosted him. Which may be part of the plan with Name's mom, but its a nasty plan. So, I just don't like him. I hope Name finds his way and leaves Em behind.

In the beginning we learn of reports of rapes happening where the rapists use the app to lure in their victims. Its not that any of those cases are him. But, the app company has a strictly held policy on not releasing info. The ML is a murderer and does use the app to make connections. Oddly, we've only seen consensual sex. He's all about consent, I guess, right up until he decides to kill you. There is what seems to be an attempted rape - the men thought that they were invited to role play, not actually commit rape. That was not something he did, but something he set up. So, he's not a rapist, he's a murderer.

Its a pretty twisted and explicit story so, up to you to determine if that's something you want to watch.

hahaha! True. Logic does not seem to be a factor in so many of these stories.

I was more musing than expecting the show to provide any answers. I gathered that its a plot device. And, sometimes, when things don't have strong logic, its best just to leave it unexplained.

same.

Its not clear to me why to be bothered crowding into bunkers. If the planet is going to get destroyed, bunkers don't make you safe. So, why not enjoy a few final days of life?

I totally get that her current situation has rendered her traumatized and single-focused. Still, usually, there are telltale signs of a person's interests in their house. Does she read books? Does she love plants? Does she knit?

What has she been doing with herself all these years? Even housewives have quirky interests or passions.

Her friend works at a very demanding job. So, at least she does that. Though, you're right that we're not really learning about anyone else's personal side. Given that she's the lead character I'd kinda appreciate if she had some, well, character - not just personality traits.

That said, I'm definitely enjoying the story and found myself watching 7 episodes straight through. So, I'm all in. This is a complaint I have about a lot of characters - particularly women. Women are so often written as though they only exist in relation to men and have no lives of their own. So, when a story and the acting are really good, I'm all the more disappointed that they couldn't manage to also write a more fleshed out female lead.

At least we know that part of what's going on is likely a bit of PTSD/depression from the sexual harassment she was subjected to. That could explain her being an otherwise empty slate. Maybe she's been mired in depression and hasn't had any interest in life.

I appreciate all those things about her. But, what would one find interesting about her, if one had to spend time with her? She seems to have absolutely nothing that she actually does. No hobbies. No pursuits. Nothing.

I'm already all in. I just wish her character had some things in life that she was interested in. Like, what would make her interesting to talk to, if you met her at a dinner party? Or got stuck on an island for a few days, due to a storm?

She has some strong personality traits, but she's boring as hell. I wish writers would take more care with female characters than this.

Agreed. Its not actually that much effort to take a 15-20 minute break and chat with a friend. Lots of people do it. So, it isn't the time that's the issue. Em has either moved on because university life had grabbed his interest and he's no longer interested in Name; or he's had a reaction to realizing, as he was leaving, that Name can actually speak. This may have left him feeling "unnecessarily" burdened and in a caretaker role, rather than a peer role. Maybe he's trying to push Name to make progress. If so, its a rather cruel way to do it. It would even be better just to straight up say that you're bothered and need the dynamic/balance of the relationship to change and won't move forward if it isn't going to happen. But, forcing someone to face a psychological trauma is not really a good way to go. In real life, that wouldn't work. The person would be further traumatized by the abandonment. After all those years of accepting him for who he is, his best friend has decided he can't be bothered with him. Its very painful to watch.

And, yes, why doesn't Em seem to have any emotions, at all?

That last scene, where he says, "I'll take care of myself," made it seem like he is ready to leave Name behind. That he just doesn't care, any more. Which is pretty much what his actions are signalling. I think Name got the message and called him on it. When Name starts building a social life and leaves Em behind, we'll see if Em has any feelings, I guess. (but, if I were Name, I wouldn't take Em back, at that point. What Em is doing is incredibly hurtful.)

I'm on episode 6 and I find myself wondering if there is ever going to be anything at all interesting about the FL character. So far, she's pretty much an empty shell who seems to have no interests in life other than having been someone's wife. How could anyone fall in love with someone so vapid?

Also, I'm guessing that the lawyer is not really the Gao Jun they knew in HS, since his face is unrecognizable. I mean, I've known many people who've put on or lost substantial amounts of weight and it doesn't make their face change so much that you can't tell who it is. So, what is he after? I don't think he's out to hurt her, as he could just let her become prey to the moneylenders and she'd have a very miserable life. But, I'm not sure he cares about her, either. Its more like she's the route to something else he's interested in.

Anyway, really would like to see the FL become a more whole person and not a cardboard cutout.

Oh, I don't think it should matter, in terms of people taking people seriously. Take everyone seriously. Please. The world would be a better place.

High pitched voices grate on my ears and it makes it challenging for me to watch dramas with characters who have that. Because I know that about 99% of people have to actually work to keep their juvenile voice, it just bugs me that my ears have to sort through that, when its not necessary. (I have a neuropathic condition and my hearing is very sensitive. Because of it, I have trouble being around children, which is sad, because I adore children!) So, for me, its personal taste, but also a recognition that women have been acculturated to hold on to a juvenile voice. Absolutely we all should respect each other. At the same time, we should also recognize when we are collaborating with misogyny and serving our own oppressors.

The very fact that the character here knows to use a girlish voice in order to attract a larger audience to her vlog is telling. I'm going to turn the question around: why should she have to have a high-pitched voice to be successful?

My take was that she was trying to prove that he was shallow and had judged a book by its cover, as it were. As in, she was pissed that he just saw a pretty woman and assumed that she was not worthy of the respect of showing up. She was trying to make a point. Though, that got lost pretty early on, when, a) she realizes that she actually likes him and b) she learns that she totally misunderstood what she had overheard. Her presenting a false self when she actually likes him is not a foundation for a mutually respectful relationship. Once she knew that she had completely misunderstood what he was saying back in the beginning, the writers should have had her stop chasing him and stop maintaining her false identity. It would have been a sweeter romance if she had just come forth and told him all about herself and how she misunderstood him. They would have had enough interaction at the point to decide to get to know one another, with mutual respect.

The writers of this drama seem to think it is romantic for people to deceive one another; pretend to be disabled; pretend to have a disability and get special assistance from someone who is actually disabled, etc. There was some potential for this to be interesting - they could have done a very feminist take on her being angry that he wouldn't give the time of day to someone he deemed not intellectual enough and then, having to give up that agenda because, well, she was actually intellectual enough and he didn't hold that view. Instead they pushed a bunch of bs romance tropes which undermined the best potential and gave us pablum.