DH's younger brother and his sister in law were always in YH's corner. DH's older brother was in her corner even after he discovered her horrific betrayal (he shouldn't have been, I can only rationalize this as him trying to avoid a divorce, though I have to be in 100% agreement with DH's younger brother, who correctly and absolutely appropriately did a 180 where YH is concerned, and tell DH to just leave her and be done with it).
DH's mother helped raise YH's child, which allowed her to focus on her career. Not family? Okay. She is supposed to lick YH's shoes because of her filthy money? When YH merely did some favors transactionally, essentially love-bombing manipulation to get DH to leave her and his brothers, and his friends? I think not. YH does not have any genuine interest in them, it would be perfectly warranted for them to return the favor, the extraordinary thing is that they do not, and that them and DH's friends are so welcoming towards her (think of DH's party, or of the way they think of her when DH is beaten up, etc.), apart from his younger brother who, having defended her so strenuously in the past, obviously feels betrayed, as he should, and now couldn't think any lower of her. Frankly, even DH's trundere mother very obviously cared about YH visiting, and she was very happy when she did after YH went to meet DH's brothers to verify his alibi (after avoiding going to see them before, like in ep 7 and certainly in ep 1... well, her only care was to manipulate DH, after all).
Frankly, DH's mom, like YH's sister in law and DH' s brother, had every right to dislike YH for telling DH they are not his family (even after DH's mom helped raise her kids) and trying to get him to distance himself from them, and, for that matter, make excuses to skip important family meetings and force DH to justify her absence, and not even bother to call, like when she skipped *her own nieces*'s wedding to spend the day with her lover, and didn't even bother to call. This is the daughter of her sister in law, who treat YH's son as family.
Frankly, the astonishing thing is that YH is the one that claims to hate DH's friends, etc., while they don't reciprocate. And why does she hate them? Because DH loves them. And she is jealous. This is... messed up, to use an euphemism. It's insane to consider this reasonable.
Quite frankly, the most one can say is that DH's mom is old fashioned. But she was ready to mortage the house, rather than ask YH for money. And she, like everyone else, would have certainly done without any favors at all, if they knew how she betrayed DH. It might seem impossible to comprehend to YH and anyone that would be so flippant about, and normalize, her betrayal, but in life there are more important things than one's filthy money, and one of them is not betraying your family, which YH does, completely. Again, the question is not unhappiness: DH was much more unhappy. The question is why she felt it was okay to treat him that way, or at least didn't care enough not to do it. She knew he was suffering terribly and still trying to do his best, and she betrayed him completely, even joking about it with her lover. And did this while lying to his face for a year. To treat that as not only normal, but expected, as if this is something anyone would automatically do... what, if they were unhappy?... it's so self serving and self absorbed to be frankly sociopathic/psychopathic. I mean, the lowest of the low. And we have the counterexample in the drama: DH was much more unhappy, and she was not only betraying him and deceiving him, and doing so with someone he hated, and that was actively trying to ruin him, but never even considered doing anything even remotely close to YH's complete betrayal. I mean, we are talking about someone that was able to confront her lover about not wanting to marry her even while reeling from the mental images of them being together after finding her glove. This was someone that took care of her and fed her porridge when she recovered from the breakup, despite knowing of her affair. That proposed a compromise even after knowing of her betrayal, despite being at a point where he had to physically turn around and walk away when he saw her car parked downstairs, and more than deserving some space and time away from her to sort out his feelings.... and after she attacked him about his friends and his care, when she was the one that had been sleeping with his hated boss behind his back, and missing important family events without even a phone call, and when confronted admitted that yes, she was never there... but she wanted him to stand there alone in an empty house, because she was jealous he would lean on his support group, his other friends, his family? Insane. I mean, she admits that he was right, that she was absent and he never complained, but suffered in silence and then, for that reason, spent more time with his brothers, etc., but nitpicked and spurned his compromise without never offering a compromise of her own.
And no, "let's physically separate you from family and friends" is not a compromise.
And no, it' shouldn't have been only him the one to want to meet her half way, particularly given that he was not the one that raised the problem in the first place. I mean, he didn't complain, he put up with her absences. And yet, even after her betrayal, he would have compromised. She was not okay with anything else than unconditional surrender, and nitpicked/rejected/never came up with a counter offer.
This is not reasonable. He never complained, and he was the only one to offer to meet half way, even after her betrayal. And she rejected it and nitpicked, and never, never offered to meet him half way. She wanted him to change his core values, and to distance himself from family and friends because she was irrationally insecure. That's not a compromise.
Family, etc. were non negotiable for DH. And it was 100% right for them to be non negotiable, just like JA's grandma is a non negotiable for her. He never hid this from YH, she pretended to be okay with it, while wanting to manipulate him. Quite frankly, this was 100% YH's doing: she married DH without accepting his relationship with his family and friends and instead of working out a compromise with him (again, he never complained, she did, and given that it would have made absolute sense for her to be the one to think of and propose a compromise, yet he was the only one we see offering a compromise, even after being betrayed completely... let's be clear, telling him to distance himself from family and friend or insulting his core values and making him feel wrong is not a compromise, it's a non starter... this is not someone that wants to meet the other person half way... contrast this with DH trying to explain to him that love is not a competition and that it's possible to love one's mother and brothers without it taking away from the love for one's partner, something that, given YH was a mother, she shouldn't have needed him to explain), and made herself miserable, while piling the blame squarely on him -and that she had an affair, where she was, at one point, working to get her husband out of a job, while planning to divorce him as well.
This is basically a paraphrase of kfangirl's point in her review: YH brought all of her problems on herself and dragged DH down along with her. She couldn't accept him as he was, nor his relationship to family and friends, and thought she could be happy only if she could change him. If that was the case, she shouldn't have married him.She knew of his relationship with family and friends. She should have been ready to be a part of them too, like JA or DH's younger brother's gf (or his older brother's wife, but she was someone from the neighbour, while the other two are not, so maybe they are better examples of how welcoming they were if one genuinely wanted to fit in... or even if they didn't, given their warm welcome of YH at DH's party, etc, and even from DH's famliy, despite her ghosting them... even his mom was tsudere but clearly cared about her).
YH is short and impatient with DH, and I have to say that I kind of disagree with kfangirl because while she changed her tune after she knew he knew, she still had awful moments where she was attacking him, even despite that. As if she couldn't help herself, as if abusing him was a habit. The change was too little and too late, frankly. I don't know if I agree with the notion that her tears were always more about herself rather than about how she had hurt DH... but I do think that she was remarkably self serving and self absorbed... and I do wonder about the counterfactual where her lover merely tried to get DH fired, as she knew he did, but didn't lie to her about camping. I mean, we are at that level. I do think that JA being essentially hired to be DH's enemy and still being unable to betray him when she saw that he was so kind and he didn't deserve it and she couldn't bring herself to do it... I mean, when you claim to be someone's only family, and betray them completely, as someone that was supposed to be on his side, your partner and your child's father, and someone you have known for decades that you know would have never done to you anything comparable to what you did to him... and conversely, someone that had every reason to be DH's enemy stood in his corner and fought for him, at great personal expense... I mean, I don't know how shameless one would have to be for that not to hit home, even partially. And yes, YH was very shameless.
I loved the drama but I agree with everything you said about the wife. She was not treated well by Dong Hoon and…
A young girl, an orphan who is routinely abused by a violent thug and pushed into crime in order to protect her only surviving relative, her disabled grandmother, or a honest and kind person, and a competent worker, who is horribly depressed but still trying to do the best he could for his family, while his wife, who hypocritically claims to be his only family, while his mother and brothers are not, betrays him completely, and chooses to do so exactly with the evil boss who, together with his lackeys, are oppressing him at work and kneecapping his career, and generally are trash that fawns on the powerful while suppressing the weak. I think that for the non-sociopathic portion of the population, it would be pretty easy to empathize with the former. Frankly, it's up there with Bambi or an toddler cancer patient.
I find the evasion and equivocation in the language used here pretty disgusting, to be honest.
"seek emotional solace somewhere else"... she didn't "seek emotional solace", she had an affair with his boss behind his back, a boss he very clearly despised and that was suppressing him at work. Tough, of course, her having an affair with his boss would have made his work life impossible regardless. She also conspired with the latter to get him out of a job, encouraging him to take on debt, mortaging his house, and risk. And did so for self serving reasons, to make herself feel better. So, let me get this straight: his boss sleeps with his wife, and he should be the one to lose his job? In what universe would this be considered fair? And all that because it was more convenient for the two lovers to have DH out of the company. And then, she would have been willing to "remove" JA for her own self serving reasons, and told her she didn't care if DH was framed and fired, because it was no longer her problem.
"then he felt bad"... he was basically suicidally depressed even before that (the scene at the bridge, the scene in the snow, him saying he wished he was never born, and his wife being perfectly clear that he was suffering tremendously and still trying to do his best, and yet joking about betraying him with her lover), and had more than enough reason to be unhappy with being suppressed at work... add to that the fact that he would have done anything to protect his family, and someone that he had known for decades and had a kid with, factually speaking, not only betrayed him completely, and of course verbally and emotionally abused him, and gaslighted him, in the most disgusting way imaginable, but also didn't consider her lover framing him to get him fired to be a deal breaker, and was willing to continue standing besides him and even planning to get DH out of a job with better optics, again to make herself feel better, and because it was convenient for the two lovers for him to not be employed at the company, while planning to divorce him. By contrast, she considered a deal breaker him lying to her about camping. That's what decades and a kid together were worth to her.
Frankly, this flippant tone really makes me wish that the speaker would be put through a similar experience, just to see what tune they would sing... I would suppose quite a different one, unless they were insane. I guess the same would hold if it happened to someone they cared about, but then again, given 1) the normalization of the utter betrayal of one's family, and 2) the admission that they would be unwilling to protect their family like JA did if they were in the same situation, does make one wonder whether they even have someone else they would be capable of caring about to a level where it would matter to them. So I guess the safest bet for a change of tune would still be if they were on the receiving end. And, of course, one wouldn't wish anything bad towards someone associated to them, given that in any case to be close to such a person would be its own punishment.
Other stuff is simply absurd. DH's mom doesn't resent YH (and it would have zero to do with him it she did, by the way), she appreciates her help and feels sorry that she has to work. I find that a misunderstanding and old fashioned thinking... no wonder, given her age... but for anyone else? No excuse... YH is richer than DH. Okay, and? To have a husband whose income is lower is not an offense or a slight, nor something that YH should be commended over.
YH is not exploited, DH's brothers and sister in law stand in her corner (before the affair, the older one even after, which I found disgusting and tried to rationalize as him not wanting her to divorce DH). They work, as do DH, and they get money from DH (who tells them it's from YH). Quite frankly, if YH is going to see favors in a transactional manner, and expect to manipulate DH in return, or even worse betray him like she does, obviously his family would have been more than happy to forego such favors. Compare this with DH's brother paying for JA's grandma's funeral with his whole life possessions without expecting anything in return. To be clear: YH can keep her filthy money (to the extend she contributed there, compared to DH, etc... we know that comparatively she had enough dough to pay JA to live on the run, while DH's bank account was pretty much emptied out trying to get the money to support his brothers, as per ep1), in any case she is under no economic pressure, it's DH the one that is getting money out of his rather poor account and giving them to his brothers while telling them it's from YH (as in ep 1), while his mom plans to mortage her house. So the economic pressure is on DH, not on YH. It's pretty clear nobody was exploiting her, nor asking her for money.
His wife didn't "try" a d**n thing. She pretended to be okay with his values, but was deceiving him and planning to manipulate him based on some favors and spending time with his brothers. She was never interested in really fitting in in the first place, and avoided family engagements with excuses, even if it was her own niece's wedding, when her sister in law was so supportive of her. To be clear, DH's mother helped raise her kid while she was busy with her career as a lawyer. "Not family". Insane.
"His wife tried to establish their family away from the extended family but he wouldn't hear of it. "... I don't know how one could say this with a straight face... I mean, it's disgusting. An elderly parent, who they relocated in order to be able to take care of her better. Someone that raised him alone after their father's death. And she was planning to separate him from them because... she felt jealous and irrationally insecure. Repulsive doesn't even begin to cover it. This is not "love" in any sense of the word. It's awful. It's possessive. It's what one would expect from someone so self serving that would treat the other person like an object.
"Should have seen that coming."... The reason he didn't was because he didn't think of his wife as scum low enough that would be capable of even thinking of doing something even remotely similar to what she actually did. On the contrary, he trusted her completely, and even defended her against his brother's suspicions when they questioned her excuse for avoiding the niece's wedding. I guess he expected this from scum like his boss. But he didn't think that YH would be even lower scum, scum capable of treating someone that would never have done anything like that to her, someone she had known for decades and had a kid with, in such a manner. He was mistaken: she was exactly that kind of repellent lowlife. In other words, since he was no a sociopath lowlife that would consider doing this to his family a viable option, and he didn't think that his wife was such a lowlife either, he shouldn't have seen this coming. If he had thought she was such a lowlife, he should have. So his real issue is that he didn't think she was such a lowlife, but he was mistaken : she was.
DH's mother helped raise YH's child, which allowed her to focus on her career. Not family? Okay. She is supposed to lick YH's shoes because of her filthy money? When YH merely did some favors transactionally, essentially love-bombing manipulation to get DH to leave her and his brothers, and his friends? I think not. YH does not have any genuine interest in them, it would be perfectly warranted for them to return the favor, the extraordinary thing is that they do not, and that them and DH's friends are so welcoming towards her (think of DH's party, or of the way they think of her when DH is beaten up, etc.), apart from his younger brother who, having defended her so strenuously in the past, obviously feels betrayed, as he should, and now couldn't think any lower of her. Frankly, even DH's trundere mother very obviously cared about YH visiting, and she was very happy when she did after YH went to meet DH's brothers to verify his alibi (after avoiding going to see them before, like in ep 7 and certainly in ep 1... well, her only care was to manipulate DH, after all).
Frankly, DH's mom, like YH's sister in law and DH' s brother, had every right to dislike YH for telling DH they are not his family (even after DH's mom helped raise her kids) and trying to get him to distance himself from them, and, for that matter, make excuses to skip important family meetings and force DH to justify her absence, and not even bother to call, like when she skipped *her own nieces*'s wedding to spend the day with her lover, and didn't even bother to call. This is the daughter of her sister in law, who treat YH's son as family.
Frankly, the astonishing thing is that YH is the one that claims to hate DH's friends, etc., while they don't reciprocate. And why does she hate them? Because DH loves them. And she is jealous. This is... messed up, to use an euphemism. It's insane to consider this reasonable.
Quite frankly, the most one can say is that DH's mom is old fashioned. But she was ready to mortage the house, rather than ask YH for money. And she, like everyone else, would have certainly done without any favors at all, if they knew how she betrayed DH. It might seem impossible to comprehend to YH and anyone that would be so flippant about, and normalize, her betrayal, but in life there are more important things than one's filthy money, and one of them is not betraying your family, which YH does, completely. Again, the question is not unhappiness: DH was much more unhappy. The question is why she felt it was okay to treat him that way, or at least didn't care enough not to do it. She knew he was suffering terribly and still trying to do his best, and she betrayed him completely, even joking about it with her lover. And did this while lying to his face for a year. To treat that as not only normal, but expected, as if this is something anyone would automatically do... what, if they were unhappy?... it's so self serving and self absorbed to be frankly sociopathic/psychopathic. I mean, the lowest of the low. And we have the counterexample in the drama: DH was much more unhappy, and she was not only betraying him and deceiving him, and doing so with someone he hated, and that was actively trying to ruin him, but never even considered doing anything even remotely close to YH's complete betrayal. I mean, we are talking about someone that was able to confront her lover about not wanting to marry her even while reeling from the mental images of them being together after finding her glove. This was someone that took care of her and fed her porridge when she recovered from the breakup, despite knowing of her affair. That proposed a compromise even after knowing of her betrayal, despite being at a point where he had to physically turn around and walk away when he saw her car parked downstairs, and more than deserving some space and time away from her to sort out his feelings.... and after she attacked him about his friends and his care, when she was the one that had been sleeping with his hated boss behind his back, and missing important family events without even a phone call, and when confronted admitted that yes, she was never there... but she wanted him to stand there alone in an empty house, because she was jealous he would lean on his support group, his other friends, his family? Insane. I mean, she admits that he was right, that she was absent and he never complained, but suffered in silence and then, for that reason, spent more time with his brothers, etc., but nitpicked and spurned his compromise without never offering a compromise of her own.
And no, "let's physically separate you from family and friends" is not a compromise.
And no, it' shouldn't have been only him the one to want to meet her half way, particularly given that he was not the one that raised the problem in the first place. I mean, he didn't complain, he put up with her absences. And yet, even after her betrayal, he would have compromised. She was not okay with anything else than unconditional surrender, and nitpicked/rejected/never came up with a counter offer.
This is not reasonable. He never complained, and he was the only one to offer to meet half way, even after her betrayal. And she rejected it and nitpicked, and never, never offered to meet him half way. She wanted him to change his core values, and to distance himself from family and friends because she was irrationally insecure. That's not a compromise.
Family, etc. were non negotiable for DH. And it was 100% right for them to be non negotiable, just like JA's grandma is a non negotiable for her. He never hid this from YH, she pretended to be okay with it, while wanting to manipulate him. Quite frankly, this was 100% YH's doing: she married DH without accepting his relationship with his family and friends and instead of working out a compromise with him (again, he never complained, she did, and given that it would have made absolute sense for her to be the one to think of and propose a compromise, yet he was the only one we see offering a compromise, even after being betrayed completely... let's be clear, telling him to distance himself from family and friend or insulting his core values and making him feel wrong is not a compromise, it's a non starter... this is not someone that wants to meet the other person half way... contrast this with DH trying to explain to him that love is not a competition and that it's possible to love one's mother and brothers without it taking away from the love for one's partner, something that, given YH was a mother, she shouldn't have needed him to explain), and made herself miserable, while piling the blame squarely on him -and that she had an affair, where she was, at one point, working to get her husband out of a job, while planning to divorce him as well.
This is basically a paraphrase of kfangirl's point in her review: YH brought all of her problems on herself and dragged DH down along with her. She couldn't accept him as he was, nor his relationship to family and friends, and thought she could be happy only if she could change him. If that was the case, she shouldn't have married him.She knew of his relationship with family and friends. She should have been ready to be a part of them too, like JA or DH's younger brother's gf (or his older brother's wife, but she was someone from the neighbour, while the other two are not, so maybe they are better examples of how welcoming they were if one genuinely wanted to fit in... or even if they didn't, given their warm welcome of YH at DH's party, etc, and even from DH's famliy, despite her ghosting them... even his mom was tsudere but clearly cared about her).
YH is short and impatient with DH, and I have to say that I kind of disagree with kfangirl because while she changed her tune after she knew he knew, she still had awful moments where she was attacking him, even despite that. As if she couldn't help herself, as if abusing him was a habit. The change was too little and too late, frankly. I don't know if I agree with the notion that her tears were always more about herself rather than about how she had hurt DH... but I do think that she was remarkably self serving and self absorbed... and I do wonder about the counterfactual where her lover merely tried to get DH fired, as she knew he did, but didn't lie to her about camping. I mean, we are at that level. I do think that JA being essentially hired to be DH's enemy and still being unable to betray him when she saw that he was so kind and he didn't deserve it and she couldn't bring herself to do it... I mean, when you claim to be someone's only family, and betray them completely, as someone that was supposed to be on his side, your partner and your child's father, and someone you have known for decades that you know would have never done to you anything comparable to what you did to him... and conversely, someone that had every reason to be DH's enemy stood in his corner and fought for him, at great personal expense... I mean, I don't know how shameless one would have to be for that not to hit home, even partially. And yes, YH was very shameless.
I find the evasion and equivocation in the language used here pretty disgusting, to be honest.
"seek emotional solace somewhere else"... she didn't "seek emotional solace", she had an affair with his boss behind his back, a boss he very clearly despised and that was suppressing him at work. Tough, of course, her having an affair with his boss would have made his work life impossible regardless. She also conspired with the latter to get him out of a job, encouraging him to take on debt, mortaging his house, and risk. And did so for self serving reasons, to make herself feel better. So, let me get this straight: his boss sleeps with his wife, and he should be the one to lose his job? In what universe would this be considered fair? And all that because it was more convenient for the two lovers to have DH out of the company. And then, she would have been willing to "remove" JA for her own self serving reasons, and told her she didn't care if DH was framed and fired, because it was no longer her problem.
"then he felt bad"... he was basically suicidally depressed even before that (the scene at the bridge, the scene in the snow, him saying he wished he was never born, and his wife being perfectly clear that he was suffering tremendously and still trying to do his best, and yet joking about betraying him with her lover), and had more than enough reason to be unhappy with being suppressed at work... add to that the fact that he would have done anything to protect his family, and someone that he had known for decades and had a kid with, factually speaking, not only betrayed him completely, and of course verbally and emotionally abused him, and gaslighted him, in the most disgusting way imaginable, but also didn't consider her lover framing him to get him fired to be a deal breaker, and was willing to continue standing besides him and even planning to get DH out of a job with better optics, again to make herself feel better, and because it was convenient for the two lovers for him to not be employed at the company, while planning to divorce him. By contrast, she considered a deal breaker him lying to her about camping. That's what decades and a kid together were worth to her.
Frankly, this flippant tone really makes me wish that the speaker would be put through a similar experience, just to see what tune they would sing... I would suppose quite a different one, unless they were insane. I guess the same would hold if it happened to someone they cared about, but then again, given 1) the normalization of the utter betrayal of one's family, and 2) the admission that they would be unwilling to protect their family like JA did if they were in the same situation, does make one wonder whether they even have someone else they would be capable of caring about to a level where it would matter to them. So I guess the safest bet for a change of tune would still be if they were on the receiving end. And, of course, one wouldn't wish anything bad towards someone associated to them, given that in any case to be close to such a person would be its own punishment.
Other stuff is simply absurd. DH's mom doesn't resent YH (and it would have zero to do with him it she did, by the way), she appreciates her help and feels sorry that she has to work. I find that a misunderstanding and old fashioned thinking... no wonder, given her age... but for anyone else? No excuse... YH is richer than DH. Okay, and? To have a husband whose income is lower is not an offense or a slight, nor something that YH should be commended over.
YH is not exploited, DH's brothers and sister in law stand in her corner (before the affair, the older one even after, which I found disgusting and tried to rationalize as him not wanting her to divorce DH). They work, as do DH, and they get money from DH (who tells them it's from YH). Quite frankly, if YH is going to see favors in a transactional manner, and expect to manipulate DH in return, or even worse betray him like she does, obviously his family would have been more than happy to forego such favors. Compare this with DH's brother paying for JA's grandma's funeral with his whole life possessions without expecting anything in return. To be clear: YH can keep her filthy money (to the extend she contributed there, compared to DH, etc... we know that comparatively she had enough dough to pay JA to live on the run, while DH's bank account was pretty much emptied out trying to get the money to support his brothers, as per ep1), in any case she is under no economic pressure, it's DH the one that is getting money out of his rather poor account and giving them to his brothers while telling them it's from YH (as in ep 1), while his mom plans to mortage her house. So the economic pressure is on DH, not on YH. It's pretty clear nobody was exploiting her, nor asking her for money.
His wife didn't "try" a d**n thing. She pretended to be okay with his values, but was deceiving him and planning to manipulate him based on some favors and spending time with his brothers. She was never interested in really fitting in in the first place, and avoided family engagements with excuses, even if it was her own niece's wedding, when her sister in law was so supportive of her. To be clear, DH's mother helped raise her kid while she was busy with her career as a lawyer. "Not family". Insane.
"His wife tried to establish their family away from the extended family but he wouldn't hear of it. "... I don't know how one could say this with a straight face... I mean, it's disgusting. An elderly parent, who they relocated in order to be able to take care of her better. Someone that raised him alone after their father's death. And she was planning to separate him from them because... she felt jealous and irrationally insecure. Repulsive doesn't even begin to cover it. This is not "love" in any sense of the word. It's awful. It's possessive. It's what one would expect from someone so self serving that would treat the other person like an object.
"Should have seen that coming."... The reason he didn't was because he didn't think of his wife as scum low enough that would be capable of even thinking of doing something even remotely similar to what she actually did. On the contrary, he trusted her completely, and even defended her against his brother's suspicions when they questioned her excuse for avoiding the niece's wedding. I guess he expected this from scum like his boss. But he didn't think that YH would be even lower scum, scum capable of treating someone that would never have done anything like that to her, someone she had known for decades and had a kid with, in such a manner. He was mistaken: she was exactly that kind of repellent lowlife. In other words, since he was no a sociopath lowlife that would consider doing this to his family a viable option, and he didn't think that his wife was such a lowlife either, he shouldn't have seen this coming. If he had thought she was such a lowlife, he should have. So his real issue is that he didn't think she was such a lowlife, but he was mistaken : she was.