denryion

This series was good in a lot of ways but also felt kind of lacking as well.

The main thing is that I was so much more invested in the past life than the present. The past life was a more compelling story — forbidden love and family drama and running away and a tragic end. In the present, there’s pretty much no obstacles to their love. They’re both into each other, there’s no cliched jealousy arcs, all their family approves…the only “conflict”, if you can even call it that, is them remembering their past lives, rediscovering the people from those lives, and coming to terms with that trauma and their identities in relation to and separate from those lives. I would have so much preferred a full series dedicated to the past life, with an episode or two at the end showing their reincarnation and reunion to give them a happy ending.

Also, the past life actors were so much better, in my opinion. Earth and Fluke were both constantly crying, but I thought Earth was more believable. Particularly in the climax scenes for both pairs, Earth was much more believable when he was grieving Korn and then killing himself, than when Pharm was breaking down and threatening to kill himself. Kao and Ohm were both supposed to be cold and stoic, but Kao did a great job of letting actual emotions and affection peek through, whereas Ohm was really straight-faced even when he was crying or head over heels in love. It would have been great if they had switched the actor pairs that played the past / present versions, or even had the past life actors play both versions.

Also, I liked relationship dynamic of the past life couple more. In the past, although there’s a clear division where Korn is meant to be the “dominant” one and In is meant the be the “submissive” one (and I say that in relation to traditional BL roles, because in reality there shouldn’t be dom / sub dynamics in a relationship unless they’re explicitly negotiated), In is strong and assertive within himself. In actually makes the first move and pursues Korn. He protects and takes care of Korn, he initiates and doesn’t shy away from physical affection, and he’s confident and assertive. He gives Korn gifts, explicitly says he wants to take care of him, tells him he wants to pursue him and asks him to be his boyfriend. Meanwhile, Dean pretty much always takes the lead and makes the first move — Dean drives, Dean pays, Dean opens the doors, Dean plans the dates, Dean initiates affection. Dean is responsible for protecting and caring for Pharm. Pharm is shy, delicate, docile, struggles to say no, and is constantly shying away from physical affection. I wanted him to be stronger and more assertive at least some of the time. The past life version of the couple felt more equal in relationship dynamics as a result.

Also, Pharm was so overly chaste and shy, scolding Dean for even kissing his cheek well into their relationship, and constantly hiding his face and unable to maintain eye contact. In wasn’t like that — he initiated physical affection himself. The past life couple properly kisses, while the present life couple’s kisses were often short, stilted, awkward, or chaste, because Pharm was always dodging or pulling away. There’s one scene in the past life where In pecks Korn on the lips and Korn says, “You call that a kiss?”, and proceeds to kiss him properly. Except that shitty peck is the standard for the type of kisses Pharm allows.

In typical BL fashion, there are of course consent / boundary issues. Dean comes off pretty strong, Pharm always looks extremely uncomfortable with any level of physical affection, Pharm struggles to give an explicit no, and Dean doesn’t back off until he gets an explicit no. So that’s the primary root of the problem.

For example, Dean kept insisting that he pick Pharm up in the mornings until Pharm gave in, because Pharm was trying to softly reject and soft rejections don’t work on Dean. When Pharm explicitly tells him to stop picking up in the morning though, Dean listens. Or their first kiss, where Pharm keeps backing up until he can’t anymore because he was uncomfortable, but Dean kept advancing. The kiss itself was consensual, and Dean confirms if he’s okay afterward, but why did he keep advancing when Pharm was clearly uncomfortable? There’s another scene where once again, Dean keeps leaning in as Pharm keeps leaning away until he can’t anymore and then just scrunches his eyes shut. Dean ultimately kisses his forehead because he sees he’s uncomfortable, but was it necessary to keep advancing for so long when he was already backing away? Or yet another scene where Pharm is leaning way, says Dean’s name in protest right before the kiss, and is semi-pushing Dean away during the kiss. Dean doesn’t back off until he’s properly pushed away, after which he stops and apologizes. But there were so many signs to stop before that point. Or another scene where Dean asks to stay over, and starts kissing down Pharm’s body, and Pharm looks so viscerally uncomfortable the whole time until Dean decides to just lie down and cuddle him.

There are two “NC” scenes (in quotes because it’s just chaste kissing and fade to black). Both were questionable due to Pharm’s uncomfortable demeanor. During the first, Dean says he wants a “reward”. Pharm is hiding under the covers and looks really uncomfortable, and voices hesitation due to not wanting others to hear them. Dean kind of talks him into it, and while it was ultimately consensual, it wasn’t really enthusiastic consent. Given it was their first sexual encounter and Pharm is so overly innocent, it really should have been a situation where he was 100% on board mentally, emotionally, and physically before proceeding. They don’t go all the way in that first scene, and the morning after, Pharm is STILL shy about even kissing Dean.

In the second scene, Dean TELLS (doesn’t ask) Pharm that they’ll be having a sleepover in a week, that it won’t be just a sleepover over, that he’s giving Pharm a week to prepare himself and that he’s been waiting so long and can’t want any longer. I can’t tell you how viscerally angry that made me. Pharm is clearly anxious in the lead up, especially when he sees the condoms. He keeps backing way, protesting, dodging kisses and making excuses, and while he ultimately gives in and they proceed consensually, it still made me uncomfortable. Pharm was so overly innocent and uncomfortable with physical affection. He should have been given the time and opportunity to explicitly verbalize if he was truly mentally and emotionally ready, because it was clear to me that he wasn’t. Dean should have asked, not told, and he shouldn’t have pressured Pharm. In the aftermath, the neighbor says he overhead them and that he was planning to intervene if Pharm “kept crying and Dean didn’t stop”. And he gives Pharm medicine for the pain. I’m sorry, but sex is supposed to feel good for both parties, and if it’s actively bad for one person, then it needs to stop immediately. You don’t just keep going because it feels good for you, like wtf?

When Pharm has a panic attack, Dean forces him to go to the hospital, saying, “I wasn’t asking,” and “Do you want to walk or do I have to carry you?” I find that type of controlling care really disturbing, personally. It’s not really caring for someone if you remove their personal agency and right to choose. People are allowed to make their own decisions, even if you don’t perceive them to be in their best interest. It was hypocritical too, because when Dean almost crashes the car while having a flashback, he doesn’t let his siblings take him to the hospital. And when Pharm is having nightmares, Dean wants to move in and says he’ll only go home if Pharm comes with him, again removing his choice in the matter.

Also, Dean introduces himself to Pharm’s brother and ends up somewhat forcing Pharm into introducing him as his boyfriend coming out to his family. And he comes on really strong about moving in together and getting married when Pharm is clearly not there yet.

In the past life, In pursues Korn for almost a month while Korn repeatedly rejects him. He even says, “You didn’t say no so that means yes,” a few times. There’s a character in the present life that continuously pursues Pharm for the first few episodes, and he’s painted as (and is) the bad guy for not accepting no for an answer, but In did the exact same thing to Korn and that was never acknowledged. Also, the guy pursuing Pharm ends up with Dean’s sister, and I have no clue why they paired the sexual harasser with the lead’s sister. So unnecessary.

I had an issue with Win / Team in Between Us because Win was really domineering and Team always looked uncomfortable with him. I liked them better in this series, because Team was more confident and assertive and seemed less uncomfortable. In terms of consent issues, there was one scene where Win pulls off Team’s towel thinking he’s naked underneath, and another where he pins down Team and tries to kiss him so Team knees him in the nuts. Also there’s a dub con / non con scene where Team is drunk and Win kisses him while Team is protesting and trying to push him off.

And side note, but choosing to have Pharm reincarnate as part of Korn’s family and Dean reincarnate as part of In’s family was some kind of weird semi-incestuous choice. The line is kind of blurry about whether Pharm and Dean see themselves as reincarnated versions of In and Korn or if they see themselves as vessels for their souls and memories. Or whether they love Korn and In themselves because they see them as the same people as their current personas, or if they see them as different people and are just connected to the memories of their past personas loving them. Either way, it’s weird that Dean is kind of in love with his grand uncle and Pharm is kind of in love with his uncle.

Aside from all that, there was just a big pacing issue. Everything was so slow, with long silences and extended periods of crying or staring into each other’s eyes. In the first couple episodes, I felt there was too much time spent introducing side characters that didn’t play a super significant role in the rest of the series. Watching on 2x speed felt like watching on 1x speed most of the time. There was absolutely no need for this to be 17 episodes long, especially considering that like I said, there wasn’t much actual conflict in the present timeline that the couple had to face. And the random break up in the finale, followed by an abrupt 3 month time skip, to see whether “their love is real” (or just a result of their past life connection), was so utterly unnecessary.

There were a couple things mentioned in the series that I personally felt were problematic. One is the idea that because Pharm is a small delicate guy that cooks, that he’s inherently the type of person that people like to ship with other guys. Or referring to him as a “housewife” instead of a “househusband” for liking to cook, as if cooking is an inherently wifely duty. There was one scene where Dean wouldn’t allow his college-aged sister to stay home alone because she’s a girl and it’s “dangerous”, which is plain sexist. Also, Team body-shamed the female friend multiple times — telling her to “look at your body” when she says she’ll wear a swim suit to eat swim-team-exclusive desserts, saying “that’s why your body looks like that” when she’s talking about eating all the desserts, and even calling her “fatty” — all in a humorous light.

And as a more minor issue, there was a lot of non con photo taking. Pharm takes a photo of Dean sleeping before they’ve even spoken. Dean takes photos of Pharm on their date after Pharm explicitly states not to and then posts one online. Their friends and random strangers are constantly taking photos of them and posting them online for shipping / gossip purposes.

Also as a side note, I know this was made in 2019 but the swoop hair and skinny pants were a real choice.