denryion

This series just glorifies abusive relationships. I know boy love series like to normalize the seme-uke dynamic, controlling / possessive / jealous dynamics, dubcon / noncon, stalking / harassment, and even domestic violence. Honestly, my question is, why? There’s a scene right at the beginning where one of the characters criticizes the use of queer characters as comic relief, and says that it’s an outdated representation of the queer community. And yes, that’s absolutely true. But how can you criticize that in one breath and then contribute to maintaining the status quo in an industry built entirely atop queer stereotypes and the idea that safe, sane, and healthy queer relationships are the exception, not the norm? Isn’t that an inherently homophobic concept?

Is it crazy to want to watch a sweet, romantic queer couple where there’s no unnegotiated dom/sub dynamics, where the feminine one isn’t automatically shoo-horned into the submissive role and the bottom role, where personality and looks aren’t conflated with sexual top/bottom preferences? Where every physical interaction is not just consensual, but enthusiastically consensual, and the word “no” is respected? Where no one is controlling and overbearing and domineering, taking away personal agency and choice, and then calling it being “caring” and “worried”? Where it’s not acceptable to stalk, harass, and sexually abuse each other, or to break each other’s boundaries? Where there’s no gaslighting and love bombing used to justify and redeem abusive behaviors, not just to the characters in the series, but also the audience?

I watch Asian BL dramas because the western industry simply doesn’t offer the same sheer quantity of queer romance shows. But sometimes I see the level that abusive is normalized and romanticized and wonder if it’s worth looking for queer representation if queer representation is going to take this form.

The way both Lian and Yi act in this show is downright disgusting. Are they parents or romantic partners? Even if they were parents and not romantic partners, I would still call them overbearing and controlling to an abusive level. Let’s pretend they were parents for a second. Would you be okay if your parents hired people to watch you, keep tabs on you, and report back to them? Would you be okay if you got in a fight with them and went out, and they proceeded to track you down and watch you from the corner? Would you be okay if you, as a grown college student, were forced to keep a curfew? If it’s not acceptable for a parent to do it, it’s certainly not acceptable for a romantic partner to do it.

Lian and Yi both talk to Kuea and Diao like they’re children, and Kuea and Diao are quite literally scared of Lian and Yi. They tiptoe around them and keep secrets because they’re afraid of their reactions. They both feel the need to be “obedient” and justify their partners’ controlling behavior as being caring and loving. Lian says, “I’m not angry yet but I will be soon,” like a parent talking to a child acting out. He regularly talks and scolds him in this parental manner, and when Kuea gets upset, Lian acts like he’s just a child that needs to be consoled because he’s a little upset that he didn’t get what he wanted and ended up throwing a tantrum. Kuea’s parents even ask Lian to track and update them on his schedule and grades and to be his literal guardian. Keau isn’t “allowed” in the club owned by Lian. And when he’s drunk in another club, Lian tracks him down and physically forces him into the car despite verbal protests and physical resistance. Meanwhile, Diao is scared of Yi finding out he skipped class, has to answer “check in” calls, and has to drop everything and rush home if Yi says he’s waiting for him to come home. He has to explain and answer for his actions, like where he is and if he’s drunk and when he’ll get home and why he’s at a club and why he lied about his whereabouts (because you’re a controlling dickhead, that’s why). The characters may or may not explicitly phrase things as commands, but the fact that Kuea and Diao feel the need to conform because they’re scared of the reaction if they don’t is in itself controlling. If you feel like you have to tiptoe around and answer to someone, you’re being controlled, not cared for.

And we’ve already got the non-con going in full speed too within the first two episodes, because Keau is so black-out drunk that he doesn’t even recognize Lian, but Lian takes that as an opportunity to pin him against the wall, to touch his face and caress his hair, and to kiss him for the first time.

And Kuea and Diao have no self-respect either. Both of them are willing to give up their sense of self, their free will and personal agency, and give up quite literally everything to kneel at these men’s feet. I mean Kuea breaks off his engagement to Lian in one breath, but is still wearing his ring, not cutting his hair because Lian likes it, and begging Lian to love him “just a little” and to “just pretend” while drunk in another. Have some self-respect, please. I could have gotten behind the premise if Kuea stood up and said, fuck this man who doesn’t love me and who I have to change my entire self to be around, but no. He doesn’t commit to officially breaking off the engagement or cutting out Lian whatsoever. I understand that part of the character development in this story is about Keau learning to be himself, but would he be willing to do that if Lian also didn’t want him to do that? He really needed to commit to living for himself and his happiness and not Lian’s. It’s really frustrating watching Keau and Diao constantly justify Lian and Yi’s behavior, like talking about how Yi loves and cares for Diao and therefore looks after him, as if acting like an overbearing and controlling dad is ever acceptable behavior. They both were playing into and justifying these unhealthy dynamics by encouraging each other’s relationships instead of encouraging each other to leave and love themselves.

Plus, the age difference is creepy. Kuea was an infant when Lian was probably around 10. There would have been a significant period of time where Lian was a grown adult and Kuea was just a child. Whether or not you want to classify it as grooming, it’s creepy. I wouldn’t even date someone I knew of as a child, even if we never personally interacted and only later met as adults. And Kuea has waited his whole life for Lian. It hasn’t been confirmed in the two episodes I watched, but I have a strong suspicion that Lian isn’t a virgin and hasn’t been waiting around for Kuea despite their lifelong engagement.

Speaking of, the engagement made no sense. They say Lian is self-made and came from nothing, but his family was close to Kuea’s and were in business together. They were constantly hanging out in rich people places in all the flashbacks. His family was clearly well off and well connected, so I question the “self made” claim. And what was the purpose of the engagement? I thought it would be to seal a business deal or something, but there was no real reason given.

Honestly, there are very few BLs that feel fully comfortable for me to watch. Mostly it’s about tolerance level. How egregious are the problematic elements, how often do they occur, how long do they persist, does it end after they get together or is this just the overall vibe, etc. In this case, the problematic elements are really extreme, are consistent, define the relationship dynamics, and from what I read in spoilers, persist all the way through the show. I just don’t have the mental fortitude to watch this kind of abusive shit be glorified, no matter how great the actors’ chemistry or how hyped the NC scenes may be.