figes16825

Frankly, she was completely dishonest: up to the very end, she only confessed once DH had already discovered that something was fishy and she couldn't hide her deception anymore (even about JA he learned the truth from the boss and then confronted YH about it). I honestly cannot fathom how she could just lie to his face day after day for a year and counting, without a shred of guilt, and still be able to look herself in the mirror... I mean, the scene in the elevator when he mentioned the smell of smoke... completely indifferent, no shred of guilt whatsoever.

Gotta imagine JA would have swiftly disabused him of the notion, had DH tried to pull something like that.

I mean, we are talking about someone that played the victim and questioned DH's love and commitment when she knew he knew of her affair, and she had already had the flashback in the car where she had recalled treating him like garbage, and him feeding her porridge despite knowing of her betrayal, and responding with kindness, etc.

Incredibly, it was not even the worst she did.

One of the more appalling scenes, to me, was the way that she attacked DH about his friends, he pointed out her hypocrisy and double standard, the fact that she was never home and what, he was supposed to just stand there in an empty house because she couldn't tolerate the fact he had friends he loves as well? And then she went "it was a vicious cycle", and yet he, incredibly, proposed a compromise, and she nitpicked it! And then spurned it without a counter-offer. And all this happened when she knew that he knew of her affair, "after" the flashback she had in the car... to me that's just insane, that she could acknowledge the memories in the car and yet still behave in this manner. I like to think that her insistence he didn't love her and the dropping of the request to not see his friends as often were a product of, respectively, her attempt to self deceive because she subconsciously thought that if he didn't care he would be less hurt (otherwise I cannot understand how she could remember him bringing her porridge and still say this stuff), and realizing that she is probably talking with someone that forced himself to be in her presence (and he did: he was physically unable to enter the house and had to turn around when he saw her car downstairs... and still, he made an offer... but given her self serving behavior, I am not sure about either explanation... unfortunately the idea that she might just be "that" self absorbed and had the gall to still play the victim doesn't sound so unbelievable given her behavior).

... and not even the worst that YH did. The more one thinks about it, the more repulsive it all becomes. There is no bottom. And the most damning thing is that there was really no reason for it. It was entirely self serving, yes. But it was also entirely unnecessary. She could have just been honest and divorced DH.

Meanwhile, JA had every reason to betray him, given that she was doing it to protect her grandma, her family (a motivation DH definitely sympathized with) and that she was caught in an impossible situation of poverty and physical abuse, and yet when she saw how DH was in pain, but still struggled to do whatever he could and was not only a good, decent person, but also the first one that gave her a chance, and he was so pitiful, she was unable to hurt him. YH saw exactly the same pain and attempt to do the best he could, and she was able to laugh about her affair with his boss and carry on lying to his face for a year (all the while treating him rather horribly, not even having the decency to leave him alone and let him do his business while she was having a full blown affair behind his back... not it would have made the betrayal any better, in fact if you are entirely self serving and are betraying and deceiving someone, I would probably find being all buddy buddy and nice to them even more repulsive and hypocritical/fake in its own way, but the sheer shamelessness and hypocrisy are astounding).

DH trying to pull something like that with JA wouldn't end well for him, I believe ;)

It was one of the appalling things she did, though, as absurd as it might sound, not even the worst.

Never saw anyone question how FL in that drama behaved in terms of the workplace suppression she experienced. Somehow, there the basic reality of power relations was taken into account.

Incredibly, it was not even the worst thing she did.

And unfortunately, it was not even the worst thing she did.

That was utterly repulsive, and incredibly, not even on the top of the most repulsive things YH did.

Quite frankly, basically every drama with a component dealing with workplace abuse has this dynamic. Not sure the tendency of a segment of the viewers to victim blame is universal across those dramas, though. I mean, good luck going to HR when the CEO is the one that has it out for you.

A decent human being, as opposed to the self serving trash that she had unfortunately encountered in society up to that point, from parasitical political animals such as the company guy she initially framed, to the gossiping trash at the company. He was the first person that gave her a chance and restored her faith in humanity, and despite her impossible circumstances, dealing with poverty and beatings and the rest of it, she was unable to go through with it. Even if she was doing all that in order to protect her family, her grandma, which is a motive that DH certainly understood. Thankfully, all that she did was reversible (DH's public humiliation was a result of YH's affair with his boss, and JA was willing to live on the run forever to prevent it from coming to light, and in fact destroyed all evidence of it exactly for that purpose: contrast that with YH's entirely self serving and cruel behavior, which was totally unnecessary, when she could have simply left DH like her sister in law left his brother).

I mean, anyone that would even consider cheating on their partner with their boss, let alone everything else YH did, is absolutely repulsive. Not sure how any morally normal person would be able to deliberately do something like that to someone they see every day and still look themselves in the mirror. The very idea is disgusting and repulsive, I wouldn't be able to stand the guilt for a second, and she carried on for a year and counting. And it was entirely self serving, and just cruel and callous, and entirely avoidable: there was no need for that. She could have separated from DH like her own sister in law did with his older brother.

Compare this with JA, who had every reason to not stand on DH's side, given that she was hired to go against him, and she was under massive pressure and an impossible situation, being heavily beaten, living in poverty, and doing all this because she had to protect her family, her grandma. And yet, when push came to shove, she was unable to actually go through with it, once she realized that DH was a good person.

I have to say that to me, if one were to even take into consideration having an affair with their partner's boss, let alone treat it as something even remotely reasonable or normal, in reaction to feeling unhappy in the relationship, is basically scum. Let alone everything else YH did. To pretend otherwise is merely self serving cynicism. Frankly, I cannot understand how anyone would be able to imagine doing that to one's partner without feeling disgust, let alone deliberately betraying and lying to their faces for a year without a shred of guilt.

A reasonable reaction to feeling unhappy in a relationship might be to get a divorce, particularly in this case where they had different views on core issues (to be more precise, where he expressed his views and she married him despite not accepting them, pretending that he would change them for her sake, which was a recipe for making herself unhappy, and unfortunately, in doing so she wrecked DH's life as well).

I wouldn't exactly use the term "taking a wrong turn" for "betray and deceive someone you have known for decades, and the father of your child, having an affair with his abusive boss, manipulating him, and everything else YH did, all the while gaslighting them and treating them horribly, in a show of massive hypocrisy". Nor do I think that it in any way served to "deal with a bad situation'". It didn't address the situation in any way whatsoever. It was cruel and unnecessary, and didn't even get her any close to happiness, which being honest with DH and getting a divorce would have.

Again, this is a bit of a "bait and switch", because when we are talking about their relationship, and splitting up, that's something completely different and distinct from her massive betrayal. One might very well be unhappy and want to split up from their partner, but that wouldn't make them any more inclined to treat them without a shred of loyalty, honesty and respect. The show did a perfectly good job highlighting that fundamental difference.

Frankly, the fact that when she talked about DH to her lover she acknowledge that he was a good person, that he suffered terribly but still did everything he was capable of to do right by his family, and that fundamentally they had merely different views and values (family being her and the kid, or it including his brothers and mother as well, etc.). That she would talk about his depression and pain and then be able to turn around and make a joke of betraying him with her lover was appalling. It would have been a thousand times better had she just hated him. This indifference and complete lack of guilt was absolutely creepy and sociopathic. To acknowledge that he was in pain, that he was still trying his best, and yet betraying him with his boss and being able to joke out of it... repulsive.

And she had the gall to play the victim and question his love and commitment, while giving him an infinite number of reasons to question her own? Even after remembering how she treated him like garbage, and he cared for her feeding her porridge, etc. despite knowing of her betrayal, in the scene in the car with the flashback? The bit where they discussed about the fact that she was never at home and yet expected him to simply stand there in an empty house, because she was irrationally jealous of his friends, happened when she knew he knew of her affair, and he offered a compromise (which she rejected, despite having been the one to raise the issue, without offering one of her own) despite the fact that he was at a point where he had to physically turn around and walk away outside of his apartment when he saw her car downstairs, because he needed space (which she was unwilling to give him) and he couldn't stand her presence for self evident reasons.

Frankly, she was also completely dishonest, to the point where even until the very end, she only fessed up when DH essentially discovered everything. And it was consistently absolutely self serving.

Besides self serving, YH's actions were also cruel and entirely avoidable ("regardless of their impact on others", indeed). She could have easily separated from DH the same way her sister in law did with DH's brother. While being unhappy might lead her to wish to get a divorce, there is absolutely nothing in that that would make one inclined to treat her partner without any loyalty, honesty and respect. There was no need for it, it's something that would have repulsed any morally normal person, and it was just cruel and pointless. Contrast this with JA who, despite being forced into an impossible position, struggling with poverty and physical abuse, and needing to do whatever she had to in order to protect her family, her grandma, was unable to actually go through with it when she realized that DH was actually a good person. As sad as it was, essentially the only good person that she had encountered in her life after her horrible and scarring experiences. And she was unable to hurt such a person, when she saw how he suffered and how he was still trying to do his best. YH saw the same things, event talked about it to her lover, and was able to joke about her betrayal with the latter, and to lie to DH's face day after day for a year.

Consider JA, who did what she did in order to protect her family, her grandma, and was struggling with everything from poverty to physical and emotional abuse. She was being paid to betray DH, and even she was unable to bring herself to do it when she saw that he plainly didn't deserve to be treated that way, and was willing to stand at his side at great personal risk. YH was his wife, the person that he trusted the most (and he trusted her absolutely, defending her to his brothers when they questioned her business trip excuse when she missed her niece's wedding to be with her lover), and she betrayed him completely. From having an affair with his abusive boss (and making jokes about it while she was fully aware of DH's pain and the fact that he still tried to do the best he was capable of), to ratting him out to the boss when DH went to ask her for help regarding the bribery case, to everything else she did.

I'll have to strongly disagree on the assessment of YH. Anyone that would even take into consideration having an affair with their partner's boss, let alone treat it as something even remotely reasonable or normal, in reaction to feeling unhappy in the relationship, is basically scum. To pretend otherwise is merely self serving cynicism. Frankly, I cannot understand how anyone would be able to imagine doing that to one's partner without feeling disgust, let alone deliberately betraying and lying to their faces for a year without a shred of guilt. And YH did much worse than even that, as JA correctly pointed out on the rooftop.

I will acknowledge that, seeing that even someone like JA, who was explicitly paid to, and was doing what she was doing to protect her grandma, while struggling with poverty and physical and emotional abuse (as opposed to YH's actions, which were entirely self serving, cruel and absolutely needless and entirely avoidable, given that she could and should have simply split up from DH as even her own sister in law did), was unable to bring herself to betray DH when she realized that he was a good person, YH did begin to change (too little and too late, imho, but render unto Caesar, and all that)..

JA did what she did in order to protect her family, her grandma, and was struggling with everything from poverty to physical and emotional abuse, and was being paid to betray DH, was unable to bring herself to do it when she saw that he plainly didn't deserve to be treated that way, and was willing to stand at his side at great personal risk, while her, who after all was his wife, the person that he trusted the most (and he trusted her absolutely, defending her to his brothers when they questioned her business trip excuse when she missed her niece's wedding to be with her lover), betrayed him completely, from having an affair with his abusive boss (and making jokes about it while she was fully aware of DH's pain and the fact that he still tried to do the best he was capable of), to ratting him out to the boss when DH went to ask her for help regarding the bribery case, to everything else she did.

A reasonable reaction to feeling unhappy in a relationship might be to get a divorce, particularly in this case where they had different views on core issues (to be more precise, where he expressed his views and she married him despite not accepting them, pretending that he would change them for her sake, which was a recipe for making herself unhappy, and unfortunately, in doing so she wrecked DH's life as well).

I wouldn't exactly use the term "taking a wrong turn" for "betray and deceive someone you have known for decades, and the father of your child, having an affair with his abusive boss, manipulating him, and everything else YH did, all the while gaslighting them and treating them horribly, in a show of massive hypocrisy". Nor do I think that it in any way served to "deal with a bad situation'". It didn't address the situation in any way whatsoever. It was cruel and unnecessary, and didn't even get her any close to happiness, which being honest with DH and getting a divorce would have.

Again, this is a bit of a "bait and switch", because when we are talking about their relationship, and splitting up, that's something completely different and distinct from her massive betrayal. One might very well be unhappy and want to split up from their partner, but that wouldn't make them any more inclined to treat them without a shred of loyalty, honesty and respect. The show did a perfectly good job highlighting that fundamental difference.

Frankly, the fact that when she talked about DH to her lover she acknowledge that he was a good person, that he suffered terribly but still did everything he was capable of to do right by his family, and that fundamentally they had merely different views and values (family being her and the kid, or it including his brothers and mother as well, etc.). That she would talk about his depression and pain and then be able to turn around and make a joke of betraying him with her lover was appalling. It would have been a thousand times better had she just hated him. This indifference and complete lack of guilt was absolutely creepy and sociopathic. To acknowledge that he was in pain, that he was still trying his best, and yet betraying him with his boss and being able to joke out of it... repulsive.

And it was appalling that she had the gall to play the victim and question his love and commitment, while giving him an infinite number of reasons to question her own? Even after remembering how she treated him like garbage, and he cared for her feeding her porridge, etc. despite knowing of her betrayal, in the scene in the car with the flashback? The bit where they discussed about the fact that she was never at home and yet expected him to simply stand there in an empty house, because she was irrationally jealous of his friends, happened when she knew he knew of her affair, and he offered a compromise (which she rejected, despite having been the one to raise the issue, without offering one of her own) despite the fact that he was at a point where he had to physically turn around and walk away outside of his apartment when he saw her car downstairs, because he needed space (which she was unwilling to give him) and he couldn't stand her presence for self evident reasons.

Frankly, she was also completely dishonest, to the point where even until the very end, she only fessed up when DH essentially discovered everything. And it was consistently absolutely self serving. And cruel. And absolutely avoidable. Appalling that she would play the victim and accuse DH when she did a billion times worse, and question his priorities, affection, etc, when she had given him an infinite number of reasons to question her own. Compare and contrast with JA doing what she did for the sake of her grandma, her family, and still being unable to bring herself to hurt DH when it became clear to her that he suffered and still tried his best, that he was a good person, sadly the only really good person she met after the terrible events in her childhood, and that was willing to trust her, and he didn't deserve to be treated this way.

Anyone that would even take into consideration having an affair with their partner's boss, let alone treat it as something even remotely reasonable or normal, in reaction to feeling unhappy in the relationship, is basically scum (and what YH did was much worse than even that, to quote JA on the rooftop). To pretend otherwise is merely self serving cynicism. Frankly, I cannot understand how anyone would be able to imagine doing that to one's partner without feeling disgust, let alone deliberately betraying and lying to their faces for a year without a shred of guilt.

A reasonable reaction to feeling unhappy in a relationship might be to get a divorce, particularly in this case where they had different views on core issues (to be more precise, where he expressed his views and she married him despite not accepting them, pretending that he would change them for her sake, which was a recipe for making herself unhappy, and unfortunately, in doing so she wrecked DH's life as well).

I wouldn't exactly use the term "taking a wrong turn" for "betray and deceive someone you have known for decades, and the father of your child, having an affair with his abusive boss, manipulating him, and everything else YH did, all the while gaslighting them and treating them horribly, in a show of massive hypocrisy". Nor do I think that it in any way served to "deal with a bad situation'". It didn't address the situation in any way whatsoever. It was cruel and unnecessary, and didn't even get her any close to happiness, which being honest with DH and getting a divorce would have.

Again, this is a bit of a "bait and switch", because when we are talking about their relationship, and splitting up, that's something completely different and distinct from her massive betrayal. One might very well be unhappy and want to split up from their partner, but that wouldn't make them any more inclined to treat them without a shred of loyalty, honesty and respect. The show did a perfectly good job highlighting that fundamental difference.

Frankly, the fact that when she talked about DH to her lover she acknowledge that he was a good person, that he suffered terribly but still did everything he was capable of to do right by his family, and that fundamentally they had merely different views and values (family being her and the kid, or it including his brothers and mother as well, etc.). That she would talk about his depression and pain and then be able to turn around and make a joke of betraying him with her lover was appalling. It would have been a thousand times better had she just hated him. This indifference and complete lack of guilt was absolutely creepy and sociopathic. To acknowledge that he was in pain, that he was still trying his best, and yet betraying him with his boss and being able to joke out of it... repulsive.

Frankly, she was also completely dishonest, to the point where even until the very end, she only fessed up when DH essentially discovered everything. And it was consistently absolutely self serving.

Consider JA, who did what she did in order to protect her family, her grandma, and was struggling with everything from poverty to physical and emotional abuse. She was being paid to betray DH, and even she was unable to bring herself to do it when she saw that he plainly didn't deserve to be treated that way, and was willing to stand at his side at great personal risk. YH was his wife, the person that he trusted the most (and he trusted her absolutely, defending her to his brothers when they questioned her business trip excuse when she missed her niece's wedding to be with her lover), and she betrayed him completely. From having an affair with his abusive boss (and making jokes about it while she was fully aware of DH's pain and the fact that he still tried to do the best he was capable of), to ratting him out to the boss when DH went to ask her for help regarding the bribery case, to everything else she did.