In fact, regarding the age gap, the question should be "how could one make a big deal out of it", given that nobody…
Relevant pieces:
Nancy McDonie's review, where she says:
"""Here we go with the 'grooming' tid bit, have you watched the drama or even the clips. SHE CHASES HIM. As for the Summer-winter affair it means a short lived romance hopefully ending well as the summer heat comes into the arsh winter realities. The story is beyond the age factor. For all of you saying 'ick' factor there are many females who never clicked with a younger man. This female character actually decided who her man is and took assertive action to remind him and wake him up to their past and future. He pushed her away several times. I admit there are many cheesy dramas with child-like females but this is not one of them. No deceptive plots no wicked jealous second lead no temper tantrums or getting back at the other person.
Beautiful drama. 10/10 """
Agreed, and this pretty much lines up with OP's review.
Some relevant bits of the response:
"""Agreed, it's just common sense: we are talking about a relationship between two consenting adults (and I find the infantilization by busybodies absolutely offensive and patronizing, denying the character's agency). Furthermore, no brainwashing or anything of the sort had been going on, and any complaint in that respect is a ChatGPT worthy hallucination: surely for someone to legitimately complain about brainwashing, actual brainwashing should have occurred in the first place, otherwise what are we even talking about. Here, ML did not brainwash FL, full stop. It just didn't happen.
I mean, to be clear, without even bringing up actors such as Clooney or Portia and Ellen, and looking at the "older but absolutely attractive" specimens which certainly ML's actor belongs to (I mean, hot is hot ;)), even for regular people, if we look even at the actual statistics, half of Americans have been in a 10+ age gap relationship, and there are millions of married couples in the US alone with a 20+ age gap... to criminalize and shame the consenting adults in such couples/marriages and make them feel wrong over the prejudices of busybodies wanting to discriminate against them seem repulsive to me. Nor would it be said delusional, pear clutching busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry.
Also, the age gap is acknowledged in the drama and is actually instrumental to the plot. Not that I would have found it objectionable as if they had just brushed it off as "relationship between consenting adults, nothing to see here": I have seen other age gap dramas do that (I am a fan of Noona dramas myself - which I got a bit of in this drama in the form of the secondary couple).
That said, I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray."""
The bit about the depiction of ML was interesting to focus on.
Also relevant:
"""Apart from that, this is all the more absurd because the age gap is spelled out very, very clearly in the Drama description, in the tags, the actors that are going the main leads and the fact that this is going to be a romance is clear from the beginning, so if someone has a problem with this due to some irrational hang up, and is still going to watch all the drama and complain about that, we are essentially talking about someone that was looking, and going out of their way, to be offended. It's like someone that hated flowers going to a flower shop and complaining they are selling flowers, or someone buying a car and complaining it has four wheels rather than two, or going to the middle of the Swiss Alps, and complaining the chalet is not a beach front house... If someone did that, they would be immediately disqualifying themselves."""
Fundamentally, to make an example, I don't enjoy BL dramas, but you will never find me under BL dramas' comment sections screaming about it being "disgusting", because 1) I don't believe it is disgusting, just because I don't personally enjoy it, and 2) I have enough theory of mind to understand that shaming people for what they life is inappropriate.
I mean, this is not a case where expectations were betrayed, the description and tags and actor list couldn't have been more clear regarding what the show was going to be about.
In fact, regarding the age gap, the question should be "how could one make a big deal out of it", given that nobody…
I mean, I completely agree that the drama clearly indicated it was going to be an age gap romance. Apart from the fact that it's the plot of the original novel, "He Stands in the Gorgeous Summer Flowers", it was not only clearly indicated in the relevant tags (at most, one could say that the tags for the secondary couple's Noona romance were omitted), but one just needs to look at the list of the actors. So to watch it and complain about the age gap makes about as much sense to me as someone going to the middle of the Alps and complaining the chalet is not a beach front house. That said, to be clear, without even bringing up actors such as Clooney or Portia and Ellen, and looking at the "older but absolutely attractive" specimens which certainly ML's actor belongs to, even for regular people, if we look even at the actual statistics, half of Americans have been in a 10+ age gap relationship, and there are millions of married couples in the US alone with a 20+ age gap... to criminalize and shame the consenting adults in such couples/marriages and make them feel wrong over the prejudices of busybodies wanting to discriminate against them seems repulsive to me.
I do acknowledge that there are some cultural differences, such as Americans apparently being very much against workplace relationships, which is not the case in other countries such as Germany, where there was a famous case where Walmart tried to interfere and lost in court, as can be confirmed via a Reddit search. This is probably the time where I will point out that a lot, and I mean a lot, of Chinese/Korean, etc. dramas have a setting where the female lead dates the company's CEO. That would be a cultural difference, I suppose. Even though... maybe not. I mean, let's not forget about Gray's Anatomy: it's clearly not only a matter of CEOs plotlines in dramas. Again, at this point I think that it would be worth to come back to the statistics I mentioned above and to distinguish between reality and the irrational and incoherent screeds of some "terminally online" people: half of Americans have been in a 10+ age gap relationships, and there are millions of married couples in the US alone with a 20+ age gap. It would be outrageous to discriminate against them, harass them, try to shame them and criminalize the behavior of such consenting adults, nor is any of those delusional busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry.
And yes, of course this is just common sense: we are talking about a relationship between two consenting adults (and I find the infantilization by busybodies absolutely offensive and patronizing, denying the character's agency). Furthermore, no brainwashing or anything of the sort had been going on, and any complaint in that regard is a ChatGPT worthy hallucination: surely for someone to legitimately complain about brainwashing, etc., actual brainwashing should have occurred in the first place, otherwise what are we even talking about. Here, factually speaking, ML did not brainwash FL, full stop. It just didn't happen. Also the age gap is acknowledged in the drama and is actually instrumental to the plot. Not that I would have found it objectionable as if they had just brushed it off as "relationship between consenting adults, nothing to see here": I have seen other age gap dramas do that (I am a fan of Noona dramas myself - which I got a bit of in this drama in the form of the secondary couple).
In that respect, coherently, I had absolutely no problem either with ML's and FL's relationship, or with the secondary couple, in terms of their age difference. Here I'll point out that a differential treatment would indeed be incoherent and contradictory, but it does matter in "which direction" you resolve the contradiction, and to be prejudiced/discriminate against both does not seem like an improvement to me: you are going from denying the agency of one consenting adult to denying the agency of two consenting adults. That said, I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray.
100% agree with the fact that this was a relationship between consenting adults (I mean, case in point, CZ Jones and M Douglas: 25y age gap, 24y together). Also, the age issue was explicitly dealt with and was a core part of the plot (and frankly, very clearly advertised in the drama description, so if one went to watch all the episodes only to complain, they have only themselves to blame, and zero credibility). Not that I would have objected if they had decided to leave it at "two consenting adults, nothing none of anyone's business, move along", as in other cases of age-gap romances. In that respect, I personally tend to enjoy Noona romances very much, and the secondary couple in this drama helped scratch that hitch for me.
To be honest, though, that's not something that I saw much complaint about in general, in fact pretty much any mainstream publication I saw praised it for the incredible chemistry, and the way the writer/director succeeded in her goal to give a realistic portrayal of female desire. In this respect, related to "power imbalance", one thing the writer/director said in her interview was that she wanted to make ML the economically weaker party, and give the FL the economic power, breaking with the traditional CEO dating their subordinate schema.
I do have to point out that the secondary couple was a Noona romance where there was a power relation/dependence, in that on top of an age gap there was also a boss/subordinate relationship. Personally, I was completely unbothered by it: the "CEO dating their subordinate" pattern is just so common in cdrama/kdrama, and frankly it's part of the complication of the relationship that made watching their relationship in the drama appealing.
In fact, I can think of various examples with power relations where one party is dependent on the other where I found that the romance/relationship was handled okay: the classic example would be the critically acclaimed Secret Love Affair, where the older partner holds the economic and educational future of the two decades younger lover in their hands, pretty much the biggest power imbalance I could think of. Also, plenty of other couples with such a power imbalance, from Marry My Husband to other Noona cdramas where FL was dating the intern, to the couple in Queen of Tears, etc. Not to mention examples such as Grey's Anatomy: it's clearly not only about the CEO plotline in kdramas/cdramas.
At the end of the day, as a show viewer, this is not really a deal breaker for me, as long as the power imbalance is not exploited, the same way the potential to get a bribe does not equate to actually getting a bribe. I mean, I guess it depends on what we are talking about exactly. Obviously a situation where one of the parties lived in fear and walked on egg shells around the other because they feared that if they offended them they would lose their job and their livelihood would be in danger would not be a desirable situation for anyone involved, and it couldn't really be called "love". I must say that would also point to a fundamental lack of trust. On the other hand, realistically speaking, under other definitions of power imbalance, Jeff Bezos, etc. would never be able to date another human being if we looked for power parity, or there could be cases such as a stay at home dad or mom who is economically dependent on their partner, or wouldn't be able to live the same life if they split up, a problem that is only partially addressed by alimony during divorce, given that that applies only to marriages, etc... I guess that what I am trying to say is that, as in any aspect of consensual relationships between adults with agency, it is pretty hard to give some hard and fast rule (consenting adults being, of course, the non negotiable premise: by definition someone under the age of consent cannot... well, consent). It's good to be aware of the potential for exploitation, but to me it was simply not a deal breaker in this drama's secondary couple, etc.
I do acknowledge that there is probably some cultural difference here in that in the US people tend to frown on workplace relatiosnhips, which is very much not the case in places like Germany (I mean, one just has to look up the Walmart case where the multinational company tried to butt in, and was promptly put in its place by the court).
Though, I have to say that, again, the CEO with subordinate plot line is so common in cdrama/kdrama that it simply comes with the territory. Again, personally I had absolutely no problem with the secondary couple's relationship.
Actually, again, in contradiction to the point about US views of workplace relationships, I'll have to point to series like Gray's Anatomy and say: well, it's not just about the CEO plotline in Korean/Chinese dramas.
Again, all that aside, though, there is the rather pertinent fact that the age gap is spelled out very, very clearly in the Drama description, in the tags, the actors that are going the main leads and the fact that this is going to be a romance is clear from the beginning, so if someone has a problem with this due to some irrational hang up, and is still going to watch all the drama and complain about that, we are essentially talking about someone that was looking, and going out of their way, to be offended. It's like someone that hated flowers going to a flower shop and complaining they are selling flowers, or someone buying a car and complaining it has four wheels rather than two... If someone did that, they would be immediately disqualifying themselves.
Thank you very much for this review. I watched the drama thanks to you. Thankfully, I must say that the vast majority of reviewers, and basically any article in mainstream magazines I have seen commented on the leads' amazing chemistry. I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray. Among other things, she made it so that FL had more economic power than ML, avoiding the classical "powerful CEO" trope.
I will also point out that there are a ton of examples of dramas with comparable age gaps which were critically acclaimed and where there was a stark power imbalance. Thinking for example of Secret Love Affair, where the twenty year older partner also had the economic and educational future of their younger lover in their hands, pretty much the biggest power imbalance imaginable.
I must say that I consider the petty reviewers downvoting the drama because of the age gap to be essentially abusing the system. I mean, it would be like me going below any BL drama page and writing "BL romance, disgusting". It would be unacceptable on multiple levels, not the least of which is the fact that it's not disgusting, it's just that it's not my personal preference, and that everyone understands that using such offensive language is essentially an attempt to shame people for what they liked. But it's not only that: it's also an abuse of the review system.
I mean, we have labels. BL works are tagged as BL. Are there two guys kissing? Yes, that's kind of the point. Similarly, with Noona romances. Is there an age gap? Yes, that's kind of the point. And so on.
I mean, I guess that it would be one thing if this was mislabeled. Though I wouldn't know about thrashing it. But it would be like someone with a pet peeve against cheating in dramas going under Secret Love Affair and thrashing it because it "depicts infidelity (and age gap, and power imbalance)". Yes, that's kind of in the title. It's also indicated in the labels. One that likes it obviously is okay with that aspect.
Again, this would be like someone disliking horror movies that went under a list of zombie movies and started to downvote each of them because "there are dead people walking". Yes, that's kind of the point. This is nothing more and nothing less than a clear abuse of the system.
I must say that there was not much toxicity in that respect in this drama. In Crash Course in Romance people had a field day thrashing FL for the age gap. it was outrageous.
For that matter, I'll note that this drama also had an age gap Noona romance in the 2nd couple (the younger of which iirc started out as the other's subordinate). I very much enjoyed that as well (I am a great fan of Noona romance).
In fact, regarding the age gap, the question should be "how could one make a big deal out of it", given that nobody…
Here, really, one "needs" to use the words Nancie McDonie's used in her review:
"""Here we go with the 'grooming' tid bit, have you watched the drama or even the clips. SHE CHASES HIM. As for the Summer-winter affair it means a short lived romance hopefully ending well as the summer heat comes into the harsh winter realities. The story is beyond the age factor. For all of you saying 'ick' factor there are many females who never clicked with a younger man. This female character actually decided who her man is and took assertive action to remind him and wake him up to their past and future. He pushed her away several times. I admit there are many cheesy dramas with child-like females but this is not one of them. No deceptive plots no wicked jealous second lead no temper tantrums or getting back at the other person.
Beautiful drama. 10/10 """
From other reviews:
"""the main leads are indeed consenting adults, and not in a type of power relation where one part is dependent on the other. """
On the above, I must say that this was not the case for 2nd couple, not that I was bothered by it (I mean, from CEO plot line in most kdrama/cdrama, to Gray's Anatomy, it's not as if ), plus we have stunning dramas like Secret Love Affair where the 2 decades younger lover is literally dependent on their older lover in terms of their economic and educational prospects, which is about as unbalanced as you can make a relationship, power wise... I guess that it comes down to the fact of whether the power imbalance is exploited, and in that case it was not (again, usual caveats about the infidelity angle, since I think you share my same squeamishness regarding the subject... though, to be honest, in that case it's right in the title, so it's not as if there is any surprise), the same way the potential to get a bribe does not equate to actually getting a bribe.
I mean, I guess it depends on what we are talking about exactly. Obviously a situation where one of the parties lived in fear and walked on egg shells around the other because they feared that if they offended them they would lose their job and their livelihood would be in danger would not be a desirable situation for anyone involved, and it couldn't really be called "love". I must say that would also point to a fundamental lack of trust. On the other hand, realistically speaking, under other definitions of power imbalance, Jeff Bezos, etc. would never be able to date another human being if we looked for power parity, or there could be cases such as a stay at home dad or mom who is economically dependent on their partner, or wouldn't be able to live the same life if they split up, a problem that is only partially addressed by alimony during divorce, given that that applies only to marriages, etc... I guess that what I am trying to say is that, as in any aspect of consensual relationships between adults with agency, it is pretty hard to give some hard and fast rule (consenting adults being, of course, the non negotiable premise: by definition someone under the age of consent cannot... well, consent). It's good to be aware of the potential for exploitation, but to me it was simply not a deal breaker in this drama's secondary couple, etc.
"""The female lead, young as she may be is smart, forward, and is going in to this with her eyes wide open. It is easy to see that she and the male lead connect on several levels. She does of course have some issues but they are [...] about other stuff than age. """
Agreed on FL's maturity, frankly disagreed about her having major problem: aside from what was necessary for character growth, I greatly enjoyed her character, the strength to fight for her dreams when she knew she lived with a Damocles's sword hanging over her head.
"""The male lead has an awful headband most of the time reminding me of 80s rock,I personally love 80's rock but the look was just bad. that said, aside from the head band the guy did indeed show some great aesthetics and was indeed shot in slow motion from a bunch of very flattering angles. His character was kind, pretty passive, and seamed to try to hold back most of the dram a. And as long as he holds back we the viewers are offered a lot of build up, gazes, slow mo stuff... And fluff, colourful lighting and stem or fluff making the frame look all dreamy... steamy... """
Agreed on the hotness, not on the headband. Headband was cool.
Thank you very much for this review. I watched the drama thanks to you. Thankfully, I must say that the vast majority…
In fact, regarding the age gap, the question should be "how could one make a big deal out of it", given that nobody is forcing one to watch it, and that it is clearly spelled out in the description, actor list and tags, and that should really be more than enough, whatever one's opinion. "Don't like, don't watch". Personally, I don't like BL dramas. Other people do. You won't find me bothering them in the comment sections and shaming them for liking what they like by calling it "disgusting" and using that sort of language (among other things, because I don't think it's disgusting: it's just something I don't personally like and that doesn't fit my personal preferences; secondly, because, having theory of mind, I do understand how it would make others feel, and that saying such a thing would be completely inappropriate).
Let's be perfectly clear, though. To go through BL dramas and downgrade/leave bad reviews saying "BL romance, disgusting" is inappropriate. Yes, there are two guys kissing. That's kind of the point. To go through Noona dramas and downgrade/leave bad reviews saying "age gap romance, disgusting" is inappropriate. Yes, there is an age gap. That's kind of the point. I mean, even just on a very practical level, this abuse of the review/comment system makes it absolutely useless, thrashing shows for things that are made very clear in the tags, description, actor list, etc. and that is a fundamental part of the plot. That would be like downvoting Secret Love Affair because "it's infidelity (and age gap, and power imbalance)"... yes, no joke, it's in the title. We know. This to me is nothing more and nothing less than an abuse of the system.
If one, say, has an issue with age gaps and don't like Noona romances, it's not okay to go through Noona romance dramas and downvote/thrash them simply for being Noona romances. Yes, there is an age gap. It's a Noona romance, it's marked as such. Similarly, if one has an issue with zombie movies, it's not okay to go through a list of zombie movies and trash them because there are dead people walking. Again, this is labeled, one knows what they are looking for, if they are looking for this they clearly are okay with that part. In fact, in this drama the age gap is pretty important plot wise, it's kind of the point for them to be apart in age. This is just an abuse of the rating system, as well as complaining about something that was made clear with the tags and nobody that then decides to watch the drama cares or wants to ear about one's irrational prejudices/personal hangups in that regard, or their desire to discriminate against such people over their immutable characteristics, or whatever else.
This is different from downvoting dramas with cheating when something like cheating, say, happens, but was not indicated. In that case there was some useful additional information not present in the labels. Though I don't know that I would downvote a drama simply because it contains cheating: I mean, it's not my cup of tea, but with something like Secret Love Affair, it's also kind of the point, so it doesn't make much sense imho to trash the drama simply because one has a personal aversion to that kind of plot. Of course, that drama is also correctly labeled. But to downvote, say, Secret Love Affair with the same motivation? When it was labeled? To me, that's kind of an abuse of the review system: presumably, someone that wants to look at that drama is okay with that aspect of the plot.
Now onto the breakdown:
1. Common sense: the age gap is clearly indicated in the description, tags, actor list, it's in the original novel (I mean, I do have a mental image of someone that would think to comment on, let alone go up to and try to shame, two adults in an age gap relationship, be it a George Clooney or Portia and Ellen, or a regular couple -when really who two consenting adults find attractive and choose to sleep with/date/marry is really none of their business and hurts no one else-, as an insufferable gossip, or a hick from some backwater that is not too keen on reading, but it's worth noting that this drama was taken from a novel). The point being, here, that to go watch 24 episodes of this only to complain, as some people did is basically to look to be offended on purpose. Just like someone hating Korean BBQ going to eat to a Korean BBQ only to complain.
This should really be more than sufficient: even without changing anything else of one's outlook, the "don't like, don't watch" advice is pretty solid, when the age gap thing is so clearly indicated. The description, plot and actor list make it very clear who is going to end up in a relationship, so it's not about betraying expectations (I have to say, subverting expectations depending on how it's done might also be a positive for a given work): one gets exactly what was announced in terms of the relationship, so one can hardly complain about that if they choose to watch it. I would at most accept one being surprised by the 2nd couple (I do see that we are lacking the tag for that age gap Noona relationship), but the 1st couple? It's established pretty much from the 1st episode (and the poster, the description, the tags, the actor list, etc.). I saw some reviewers complaining about age gaps in shows where it was clearly stated in the tags that there was going to be an age gap. Again, this to me is equivalent to complaining about a car having four wheels. It was announced, it was in the tags, it was in the description, there was a character list... it makes absolutely no sense to down vote or complain about a drama over something that was very clearly stated basically everywhere. This is essentially looking to be offended. I mean, it's at the level of looking up zombie movies and downvoting/complaining about there being walking dead people.
2. Other common sense: this is a relationship between two consenting adults, and it is galling and patronizing for a busybody to infantilize and deny agency to one of them. Furthermore, no brainwashing or anything of the sort had been going on, and any complaint in that respect is a ChatGPT worthy hallucination: surely for someone to legitimately complain about brainwashing, actual brainwashing should have occurred in the first place, otherwise what are we even talking about. Here, ML did not brainwash FL, full stop. It just didn't happen. More to the point, the notion that a woman in her particular condition would have to be concern herself with the opinion of busybodies and self sabotage her own happiness does not seem particularly sensible to me. This would also be true for any woman (or man), but life has a way of filtering out the inessential at certain moments.
3. Hot is hot. I mean, they are certainly not the only examples, but Clooney or Portia and Ellen are in a set that ML's actor definitely belonged to, which is one where the older partner is older, but undeniably hot. Corollary: actors had stunning visuals and amazing chemistry. Second corollary: they are acting, they are not really in a relationship. Not that it would be anyone's business who two adults choose to date: Tang Wei iirc had the same age gap with her husband as the one she had with ML's actor in Finding Mr. Right, etc. I mean, to be clear we have people like CZ Jones and M Douglas that have a 25y age gap, and have been together for 24y.
4. Sometimes it's not clear whether people realize that we are talking about realities that describe real people. Famous examples aside, if we want to distinguish between reality and the irrational and incoherent screeds of some "terminally online" people, even statistically speaking, in Western countries, around 8% of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more. Half of the US population has been in a 10+ age gap relationship. Concretely speaking, we are talking about millions of married couples in a 20+ age gap relationship in the US alone. To criminalize and shame the consenting adults in such couples/marriages and make them feel wrong over the prejudices of busybodies wanting to discriminate against them seem repulsive to me. Nor would it be said delusional, pear clutching busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry.
5. The age gap is acknowledged in the drama and is actually instrumental to the plot. Not that I would have found it objectionable as if they had just brushed it off as "relationship between consenting adults, nothing to see here": I have seen other age gap dramas do that (I am a fan of Noona dramas myself - which I got a bit of in this drama in the form of the secondary couple).
6. Frankly, the fact of the matter is the vast majority of reviews and any mainstream article I read commented on the leads' amazing chemistry. I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray. Among other things, she made it so that FL had more economic power than ML, avoiding the classical "powerful CEO" trope.
7. As others commented, the main couple is not in the "type of power relation where one part is dependent on the other". I have to say that this is not true for the secondary couple, a Noona romance where the age gap was almost as large as the one for the main couple, but where the younger person started out as the older person's subordinate. Though, with the context of the "CEO plotline", that was no issue for me at all. I would say that in the US they culturally tend to frown on workplace relationships more than in other places (they are not a problem in Germany, in fact as Walmart discovered, the company trying to interfere in it is a problem, as per German courts), but I have to say that just citing the example of Gray's Anatomy, it's clear that this is not merely a question of "CEO plotline" in kdrama/cdramas. Again, to be clear, I had zero issues with the secondary couple, in terms of the age gap or power imbalance.
8. Tons of examples of dramas with comparable age gaps which were critically acclaimed and where there was a stark power imbalance. Thinking for example of Secret Love Affair, where the twenty year older partner also had the economic and educational future of their younger lover in their hands, pretty much the biggest power imbalance imaginable. There the age gap was pretty much one of the major characteristic of the drama, so, there as in here, it was kind of the point, part of the plot, without it you would lose many of the conflicts and struggles the drama is about.
In short, though, I guess it comes down to the fact that, from celebrities to tons of regular couples, a lot of people with similar or even bigger age gaps live perfectly happy lives, and that to most people it would be galling to try to discriminate against them, or shame them over something that is none of their business and hurts literally no one else. Also an awareness that one's personal preference (or to be more precise prejudice) does not entitle them to dictate which consenting adult another consenting adult should find attractive, or want to sleep with or date. Plus the common sense to just avoid a drama if it is made perfectly clear that it contains an age gap relationship (and in this case it couldn't have been clearer), and the knowledge that it is just galling to try to shame someone that had no problem with it and liked it for liking it. Or an awareness of how ridiculous it would be go complain about something that you knew was going to be in the drama from the get go (tags, description, actor list, novel, etc.). It's basically the same reason well adjusted people don't go below BL dramas and try to shame the viewers for enjoying the drama (note the term "well adjusted"... if someone intentionally watched one of those dramas and then went to complain, I don't think they would deserve the appellation).
Quite frankly, I would turn the question around and say "how could anyone make a big deal" about it, regardless of the age gap: it's clearly spelled out, nobody is forcing anyone to watch it, if one does and then goes under the comment section of the drama to complain and try to shame people for liking it, then the one whose behavior should be questioned should surely be the latter. If in real life they tried to harass a couple in an age gap romance, be it a famous one (Ellen and Portia, etc.), or one of the tons of regular people, still, the question and the one who imho would have a problem and something to answer for would be the one bothering and trying to shame people and try to get them to force them to adopt their relationship preferences. Among other things (and there are many other things), the sheer arrogance to think they would know better than the people involved, or be in any position to pontificate about something as complex as a specific human relationship based on their arbitrary metrics, is baffling. And to try to shame and make people feel wrong about something that is only their business and doesn't hurt anyone else is not a good look
Very recently we had kind of a similar example with netizens commenting on the age of the FL in Crash Course in Romance... and yes, she is much older than ML and looks much older as well. But is such an age difference really something appropriate to shame someone over? I mean, not like it wasn't clear from the beginning who the couple was going to be. I guess I just don't understand how one could stand on the pulpit and cast shame on people for doing something that is their business and only their business, and that literally doesn't hurt anyone else. With completely undeserved self righteousness and moral superiority, to boot, when their exact opposite should be the only appropriate attitude. It's not a good look. I mean, if I was caught harassing two adults who never did anything to hurt anyone else, for the crime of liking each other, I wouldn't know how far of a hole to dig in the ground to crawl into in utter shame.
I mean, I do think that the people throwing around words such as "disgusting" to describe the love between two adults that are not hurting anyone else would be able to do so only due to anonymity, be it in the form of a mob in real life or pseudonyms online, or they would be just utterly shameless. To be frank, I would like to see how many of the people criticizing anyone from Clooney, to the ML in this drama (who was utterly hot), to FL in Crash Course in Romance, look like themselves -some of the stuff I have read, particularly against the FL in Crash Course in Romance, was pretty disgusting-... I would go out on a limb and say that people that insult others' appearance or age online are not bound to be supermodel material themselves, no matter if they are young or old. Not like the average young male is hotter than Clooney, or this drama's ML. I mean, such attractive people are not exactly as common as cabbages. Same with a Monica Bellucci, etc. I do have that level of self awareness, at least.
I do realize that in the case of the drama, these comments are few and far in between, will have no impact on the critical acclaim of the work, and will never be seen, let alone hurt, the actors involved. But it does make me fear that such people would be as judgmental of a real life couple in a similar situation, and certainly for the viewers it is not pleasant to be shamed and be exposed to language such as "disgusting", etc. about actors that they presumably enjoyed watching -basically trying to shame and make them feel bad about something they enjoyed-. I do really think that it is kind of crazy that one would think that they have the right to pass judgment on consenting adults they know nothing about based on something as arbitrary as their age, let alone their physical appearance (which also happened in Crash Course in Romance).
Thank you very much for this review. I watched the drama thanks to you. Thankfully, I must say that the vast majority of reviewers, and basically any article in mainstream magazines I have seen commented on the leads' amazing chemistry. I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray. Among other things, she made it so that FL had more economic power than ML, avoiding the classical "powerful CEO" trope.
I will also point out that there are a ton of examples of dramas with comparable age gaps which were critically acclaimed and where there was a stark power imbalance. Thinking for example of Secret Love Affair, where the twenty year older partner also had the economic and educational future of their younger lover in their hands, pretty much the biggest power imbalance imaginable.
I must say that I consider the petty reviewers downvoting the drama because of the age gap to be essentially abusing the system. I mean, it would be like me going below any BL drama page and writing "BL romance, disgusting". It would be unacceptable on multiple levels, not the least of which is the fact that it's not disgusting, it's just that it's not my personal preference, and that everyone understands that using such offensive language is essentially an attempt to shame people for what they liked. But it's not only that: it's also an abuse of the review system.
I mean, we have labels. BL works are tagged as BL. Are there two guys kissing? Yes, that's kind of the point. Similarly, with Noona romances. Is there an age gap? Yes, that's kind of the point. And so on.
I mean, I guess that it would be one thing if this was mislabeled. Though I wouldn't know about thrashing it. But it would be like someone with a pet peeve against cheating in dramas going under Secret Love Affair and thrashing it because it "depicts infidelity (and age gap, and power imbalance)". Yes, that's kind of in the title. It's also indicated in the labels. One that likes it obviously is okay with that aspect.
Again, this would be like someone disliking horror movies that went under a list of zombie movies and started to downvote each of them because "there are dead people walking". Yes, that's kind of the point. This is nothing more and nothing less than a clear abuse of the system.
I must say that there was not much toxicity in that respect in this drama. In Crash Course in Romance people had a field day thrashing FL for the age gap. it was outrageous.
For that matter, I'll note that this drama also had an age gap Noona romance in the 2nd couple (the younger of which iirc started out as the other's subordinate). I very much enjoyed that as well (I am a great fan of Noona romance).
I mean, case in point, CZ Jones and M Douglas: 25y age gap, 24y together.But setting aside famous couples, even…
At a very basic level, regarding the chattering busybodies using offensive language ("ick", "disgusting") to shame fans of the show for what they like, and presumably to shame couples for something that is fundamentally none of their business, when they are not hurting anyone else, I think that a simple look at the reviewers' other reviews might be illuminating... often you see "serial reviewers" of age gap romances, downvoting/complaining about things that were made absolutely clear in the tags/description/actor list/poster in the drama page... Makes about as much sense as going over a list of zombie movies and complaining about walking dead people.
I mean, case in point, CZ Jones and M Douglas: 25y age gap, 24y together.
But setting aside famous couples, even just statistically speaking, in Western countries, around 8% of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more. In other words, there are millions of couples with an age gap similar to the one depicted in the drama in the US alone. Are they the majority? No. Do a ton of them exist? Yes. The world is a big place. A ton of them exist.
I must say that I find the netizens downvoting the drama over the age thing are abusing the system. I mean, if I went under BL drama pages and wrote "BL, disgusting", on top of being appalling behavior in and of itself (it's not disgusting, I simply don't like it, but it's a personal preference), and insulting to the ones who enjoyed it, shaming them for what they liked, it would also be an abuse of the system: presumably the BL romance was kind of the point. Yes, it's BL drama, yes, there are two guys kissing, that's the point.
Similarly, with Noona drama, yes there is an age gap, yes, that's kind of the point. Here, we have the correct labels. It wouldn't really make sense for someone to go to every age gap drama and downvote/trash it because of the age gap. It's labeled very clearly, someone that wants to watch it knows that there is an age gap. To trash it is an abuse of the system.
Let's recap. The show is tagged as: Older Man/Younger Woman, Age Gap [Drama Life], Age Gap [Real Life]. Then we…
To be clear, this is completely different from the point you made in "The Worst Of Evil", because in that drama there were no tags indicating infidelity, so I can understand that you started watching it and it didn't match your expectations. Still unsure about the etiquette around downvoting a work in such cases: I personally don't really enjoy the infidelity aspect, but, for example, would it make sense to go under Secret Love Affair, and leave a bad review saying "it depicts infidelity (plus age gap, plus power imbalance)"? I mean, that's kind of the point of the drama, that's like watching Hannibal and complaining there is a cannibal.
Still, in that case the review did add some useful information, because the page of "The Worst Of Evil" does indeed lack appropriate tags around the infidelity aspect, so I am thankful for that. But hopefully it's clear how, for example. if one went through Noona romances and started downvoting them all with the explanation "this is an age gap romance" it would soon render the voting system and website completely useless: yes, it is an age gap romance, it's kind of why one is looking for Noona romances in the first place, presumably (speaking as a Noona romance fan).
Let's recap. The show is tagged as: Older Man/Younger Woman, Age Gap [Drama Life], Age Gap [Real Life]. Then we have the description and the actor list, where it's clear to see who is going to end up with whom, and what age they have (as if the tags were not enough). And the poster, of course.
Now, let's set aside for a moment the basic fact that we are talking about a relationship between two consenting adults, and I find the infantilization of one of them by busybodies absolutely offensive and patronizing, denying the character's agency. Let's also set aside the notion that to criminalize and shame consenting adults in such couples/marriages and make them feel wrong over the prejudices of busybodies wanting to discriminate against them seem repulsive to me. Nor would it be said delusional, pear clutching busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry. Let's also set aside the usage of offensive language expressing disgust ("ick", "disgusting", etc.) to shame fans of the show for what they like, and presumably to shame couples for something that is fundamentally none of their business, when they are not hurting anyone else.
I mean, sometimes it's not clear whether people realize that we are talking about realities that describe real people. It's not just the famous ones. The Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas (24 years of marriage), the George Clooneys, the Porcia and Ellen. I would definitely say that ML in this drama belonged among those "older but very attractive" specimens. But we are also talking about millions of non famous people in similar relationships in the US alone. In Western countries, around 8% of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more. Half of the US population has been in a 10+ age gap relationship. Concretely speaking, we are talking about millions of married couples in a 20+ age gap relationship in the US alone.
Not like we didn't have more than sufficient examples of such atrocious behavior: some of the language used to describe FL in Crash Course In Romance is downright disgusting (in general I do think that insulting a person's appearance or age is appalling). Yes, she was much older than ML. So what? I would like to see what kind of young Adonis or Venus the people attacking her are (somehow, I doubt it).
Let's set all of that aside. The question still remains, keeping all of the above constant, how does it make any sense to downvote and complain about a drama entirely over an aspect that couldn't have been announced more clearly in the description? The obvious answer is that it does not. Yes, it is an age gap romance. As clearly indicated in the labels, poster, actor list, etc. and pretty much anywhere. What's next, going through a list of zombie movies and downvoting/complaining about there being walking dead people? I mean, come on.
I am not trying to be offensive, this is not an attack. To make another example, do I like BL dramas? No. Yet I would never go under BL drama pages and review/comment that they are disgusting. First of all, because I don't think they are disgusting: it's simply not my cup of tea. I mean, surely that acknowledgment is not too much to ask: there are tons of people in age gap relationships, surely "someone" finds them okay (surely you are not going to tell me that Catherine Zeta Jones, for example, lacks options). Second of all, because I have theory of mind and understand how that would amount to shaming fans of the drama for what they like. "Icky", "disgusting", that kind of language (offensive and disgusting language). And, I guess, because ultimately this behavior just doesn't make sense. I mean, going under any BL drama and saying "disgusting, BL relationship". Going under any Age Gap drama (or Noona drama, etc.) and saying "disgusting, age gap relationship", when it's clearly indicated in the tags. I mean, what's next: going under Secret Love Affair and write "disgusting: 1) age gap, 2) power imbalance, 3) infidelity"? But it's in the tags, it's what the drama is about. I mean, people need only to look at the actors and see their respective ages, frankly. But even that is unnecessary, look at the tags.
I mean, to be honest I am more of a Noona romance myself, but if I look up works in that genre, I know there is going to be an age gap, that's kind of what I was looking for..
I mean, I would say that ML's appearance is more than enough ;) But seriously, I guess they went for that "mysterious" angle. The writer/director mentioned how she wanted to avoid the "CEO stereotype" and made FL have more economic power than ML.
In terms of the husband, I was more lenient, after all it was implied that he would have died anyway, so in my mind this was just him "shortening" the situation, maybe he wanted to avoid his family having to take care of him when the outcome was decided. And his art came in handy when it came time to get some money, I guess. So I wouldn't really be as severe in my judgment.
In terms of the judgmental bit, I do find people's behavior absolutely absurd. I mean, this would be like me going below BL dramas and posting nasty comments about it being disgusting, simply because I didn't like it, with moral superiority and self righteousness to boost... what well adjusted person would do that?
By this I mean that the age gap thing couldn't have been more clearer in the description, etc. So if one chose to make a big deal out of it after watching the whole drama, they only have themselves to blame. Not sure if there is a "western" angle, to be honest plenty of people in the west have relationships with similar age gaps: statistically speaking, in Western countries, around 8% of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more. In other words, there are millions of couples with an age gap similar to the one depicted in the drama in the US alone. Are they most couples? Certainly not. Are they a lot of couples? Yes, even just because the world is a big place. So it's hard to see what the pearl clutching is supposed to be about, personally I can't see it. Particularly when you take into account that this wan announced in advance and made as clear as possible: if after spelling it out so clearly one *still* complains about the age gap, it's on them, not on the drama.
I mean, to mention only one famous examples (from Portia/Ellen to Clooney), take Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones: 25 year age gap, and 24 years together.
I mean, I completely agree that the drama clearly indicated it was going to be an age gap romance. Apart from…
The writer/director mentioned how, for example, she had wanted to make the ML the financially weaker person, and to make the FL the one with more economic power in the relationship, a contrast with the usual CEO cdrama/kdrama.
Not that I have anything against the CEO plotline. I was going to make a comparison between the US and other nations such as Germany in terms of workplace romance (in Germany, it's safe to say that the attitude is much more relaxed in that regard, Walmart learned in court not to interfere in their workers' personal life), but then I remembered about Gray's Anatomy... Clearly not a question of just CEO plotline in cdrama/kdrama. Not that I have anything against the CEO plotline, to be clear.
Thanks for writing Breath of fresh air i tried it because of that and now i am obsessed
It was definitely worth it... glad I didn't let myself be discouraged by some of the toxic commenters... of which this review is certainly *not* an example. Though, to be honest, most reviews, here and in mainstream articles, greatly praised this drama, so I won't let the small amount of toxicity bother me.
Very easily, in fact the question should be "how could one make a big deal out of it", given that nobody is forcing…
Or, to use the words Nancie McDonie's used in her review:
"""Here we go with the 'grooming' tid bit, have you watched the drama or even the clips. SHE CHASES HIM. As for the Summer-winter affair it means a short lived romance hopefully ending well as the summer heat comes into the harsh winter realities. The story is beyond the age factor. For all of you saying 'ick' factor there are many females who never clicked with a younger man. This female character actually decided who her man is and took assertive action to remind him and wake him up to their past and future. He pushed her away several times. I admit there are many cheesy dramas with child-like females but this is not one of them. No deceptive plots no wicked jealous second lead no temper tantrums or getting back at the other person.
Beautiful drama. 10/10 """
From other reviews:
"""the main leads are indeed consenting adults, and not in a type of power relation where one part is dependent on the other. """
On the above, I must say that this was not the case for 2nd couple, not that I was bothered by it (I mean, from CEO plot line in most kdrama/cdrama, to Gray's Anatomy, it's not as if ), plus we have stunning dramas like Secret Love Affair where the 2 decades younger lover is literally dependent on their older lover in terms of their economic and educational prospects, which is about as unbalanced as you can make a relationship, power wise... I guess that it comes down to the fact of whether the power imbalance is exploited, and in that case it was not (again, usual caveats about the infidelity angle, since I think you share my same squeamishness regarding the subject... though, to be honest, in that case it's right in the title, so it's not as if there is any surprise), the same way the potential to get a bribe does not equate to actually getting a bribe.
I mean, I guess it depends on what we are talking about exactly. Obviously a situation where one of the parties lived in fear and walked on egg shells around the other because they feared that if they offended them they would lose their job and their livelihood would be in danger would not be a desirable situation for anyone involved, and it couldn't really be called "love". I must say that would also point to a fundamental lack of trust. On the other hand, realistically speaking, under other definitions of power imbalance, Jeff Bezos, etc. would never be able to date another human being if we looked for power parity, or there could be cases such as a stay at home dad or mom who is economically dependent on their partner, or wouldn't be able to live the same life if they split up, a problem that is only partially addressed by alimony during divorce, given that that applies only to marriages, etc... I guess that what I am trying to say is that, as in any aspect of consensual relationships between adults with agency, it is pretty hard to give some hard and fast rule (consenting adults being, of course, the non negotiable premise: by definition someone under the age of consent cannot... well, consent). It's good to be aware of the potential for exploitation, but to me it was simply not a deal breaker in this drama's secondary couple, etc.
"""The female lead, young as she may be is smart, forward, and is going in to this with her eyes wide open. It is easy to see that she and the male lead connect on several levels. She does of course have some issues but they are [...] about other stuff than age. """
Agreed on FL's maturity, frankly disagreed about her having major problem: aside from what was necessary for character growth, I greatly enjoyed her character, the strength to fight for her dreams when she knew she lived with a Damocles's sword hanging over her head.
"""The male lead has an awful headband most of the time reminding me of 80s rock,I personally love 80's rock but the look was just bad. that said, aside from the head band the guy did indeed show some great aesthetics and was indeed shot in slow motion from a bunch of very flattering angles. His character was kind, pretty passive, and seamed to try to hold back most of the dram a. And as long as he holds back we the viewers are offered a lot of build up, gazes, slow mo stuff... And fluff, colourful lighting and stem or fluff making the frame look all dreamy... steamy... """
Agreed on the hotness, not on the headband. Headband was cool.
How can you not make a big deal out of an age gap that size.
Very easily, in fact the question should be "how could one make a big deal out of it", given that nobody is forcing one to watch it, and that it is clearly spelled out in the description, actor list and tags, and that should really be more than enough, whatever one's opinion. "Don't like, don't watch". Personally, I don't like BL dramas. Other people do. You won't find me bothering them in the comment sections and shaming them for liking what they like by calling it "disgusting" and using that sort of language (among other things, because I don't think it's disgusting: it's just something I don't personally like and that doesn't fit my personal preferences; secondly, because, having theory of mind, I do understand how it would make others feel, and that saying such a thing would be completely inappropriate).
Let's be perfectly clear, though. To go through BL dramas and downgrade/leave bad reviews saying "BL romance, disgusting" is inappropriate. Yes, there are two guys kissing. That's kind of the point. To go through Noona dramas and downgrade/leave bad reviews saying "age gap romance, disgusting" is inappropriate. Yes, there is an age gap. That's kind of the point. I mean, even just on a very practical level, this abuse of the review/comment system makes it absolutely useless, thrashing shows for things that are made very clear in the tags, description, actor list, etc. and that is a fundamental part of the plot. That would be like downvoting Secret Love Affair because "it's infidelity (and age gap, and power imbalance)"... yes, no joke, it's in the title. We know. I am mentioning this because looking at your review, you did thrash other age gap dramas simply because of the fact that they had an age gap (despite it being clearly marked in the tags, etc.). This to me is nothing more and nothing less than an abuse of the system.
If one, say, has an issue with age gaps and don't like Noona romances, it's not okay to go through Noona romance dramas and downvote/thrash them simply for being Noona romances. Yes, there is an age gap. It's a Noona romance, it's marked as such. Similarly, if one has an issue with zombie movies, it's not okay to go through a list of zombie movies and trash them because there are dead people walking. Again, this is labeled, one knows what they are looking for, if they are looking for this they clearly are okay with that part. In fact, in this drama the age gap is pretty important plot wise, it's kind of the point for them to be apart in age. This is just an abuse of the rating system, as well as complaining about something that was made clear with the tags and nobody that then decides to watch the drama cares or wants to ear about one's irrational prejudices/personal hangups in that regard, or their desire to discriminate against such people over their immutable characteristics, or whatever else.
This is different from other reviews where you downvoted dramas with cheating when the cheating was not indicated. In that case there was some useful additional information not present in the labels. Though I don't know that I would downvote a drama simply because it contains cheating: I mean, it's not my cup of tea, but with something like Secret Love Affair, it's also kind of the point, so it doesn't make much sense imho to trash the drama simply because one has a personal aversion to that kind of plot. Of course, that drama is also correctly labeled. In the case of the one you reviewed, I will grant that it wasn't, which is why I thanked you for that review in a comment. But had you downvoted Secret Love Affair with the same motivation? When it was labeled? To me, that's kind of an abuse of the review system: presumably, someone that wants to look at that drama is okay with that aspect of the plot.
Now onto the breakdown:
1. Common sense: the age gap is clearly indicated in the description, tags, actor list, it's in the original novel (I mean, I do have a mental image of someone that would think to comment on, let alone go up to and try to shame, two adults in an age gap relationship, be it a George Clooney or Portia and Ellen, or a regular couple -when really who two consenting adults find attractive and choose to sleep with/date/marry is really none of their business and hurts no one else-, as an insufferable gossip, or a hick from some backwater that is not too keen on reading -not saying this is you, to be clear-, but it's worth noting that this drama was taken from a novel). The point being, here, that to go watch 24 episodes of this only to complain, as some people did -again, not saying this was you- is basically to look to be offended on purpose. Just like someone hating Korean BBQ going to eat to a Korean BBQ only to complain.
This should really be more than sufficient: even without changing anything else of one's outlook, the "don't like, don't watch" advice is pretty solid, when the age gap thing is so clearly indicated. To clarify, in one of your reviews you complained about some works containing infidelity. In that case, I did notice that the work was not tagged with the appropriate tags (I actually thanked you for pointing out this about the work before I watched it). In the case of this drama, it's not the case: the description, plot and actor list make it very clear who is going to end up in a relationship, so it's not about betraying expectations (I have to say, subverting expectations depending on how it's done might also be a positive for a given work): one gets exactly what was announced in terms of the relationship, so one can hardly complain about that if they choose to watch it. I would at most accept one being surprised by the 2nd couple (I do see that we are lacking the tag for that age gap Noona relationship), but the 1st couple? It's established pretty much from the 1st episode (and the poster, the description, the tags, the actor list, etc.). Now, while you didn't comment on this drama, I do see other reviews where you complained about age gaps in shows where it was clearly stated in the tags that there was going to be an age gap. Again, this to me is equivalent to complaining about a car having four wheels. It was announced, it was in the tags, it was in the description, there was a character list... it makes absolutely no sense to down vote or complain about a drama over something that was very clearly stated basically everywhere. This is essentially looking to be offended. I mean, it's at the level of looking up zombie movies and downvoting/complaining about there being walking dead people.
2. Other common sense: this is a relationship between two consenting adults, and it is galling and patronizing for a busybody -again, not saying this is you- to infantilize and deny agency to one of them. Furthermore, no brainwashing or anything of the sort had been going on, and any complaint in that respect is a ChatGPT worthy hallucination: surely for someone to legitimately complain about brainwashing, actual brainwashing should have occurred in the first place, otherwise what are we even talking about. Here, ML did not brainwash FL, full stop. It just didn't happen. More to the point, the notion that a woman in her particular condition would have to be concern herself with the opinion of busybodies -again, not you- and self sabotage her own happiness does not seem particularly sensible to me. This would also be true for any woman (or man), but life has a way of filtering out the inessential at certain moments.
3. Hot is hot. I mean, they are certainly not the only examples, but Clooney or Portia and Ellen are in a set that ML's actor definitely belonged to, which is one where the older partner is older, but undeniably hot. Corollary: actors had stunning visuals and amazing chemistry. Second corollary: they are acting, they are not really in a relationship. Not that it would be anyone's business who two adults choose to date: Tang Wei iirc had the same age gap with her husband as the one she had with ML's actor in Finding Mr. Right, etc. I mean, to be clear we have people like CZ Jones and M Douglas that have a 25y age gap, and have been together for 24y.
4. Sometimes it's not clear whether people realize that we are talking about realities that describe real people. Famous examples aside, if we want to distinguish between reality and the irrational and incoherent screeds of some "terminally online" people, even statistically speaking, in Western countries, around 8% of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more. Half of the US population has been in a 10+ age gap relationship. Concretely speaking, we are talking about millions of married couples in a 20+ age gap relationship in the US alone. To criminalize and shame the consenting adults in such couples/marriages and make them feel wrong over the prejudices of busybodies -not you- wanting to discriminate against them seem repulsive to me. Nor would it be said delusional, pear clutching busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry.
5. The age gap is acknowledged in the drama and is actually instrumental to the plot. Not that I would have found it objectionable as if they had just brushed it off as "relationship between consenting adults, nothing to see here": I have seen other age gap dramas do that (I am a fan of Noona dramas myself - which I got a bit of in this drama in the form of the secondary couple).
6. Frankly, the fact of the matter is the vast majority of reviews and any mainstream article I read commented on the leads' amazing chemistry. I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray. Among other things, she made it so that FL had more economic power than ML, avoiding the classical "powerful CEO" trope.
7. As others commented, the main couple is not in the "type of power relation where one part is dependent on the other". I have to say that this is not true for the secondary couple, a Noona romance where the age gap was almost as large as the one for the main couple, but where the younger person started out as the older person's subordinate. Though, with the context of the "CEO plotline", that was no issue for me at all. I would say that in the US they culturally tend to frown on workplace relationships more than in other places (they are not a problem in Germany, in fact as Walmart discovered, the company trying to interfere in it is a problem, as per German courts), but I have to say that just citing the example of Gray's Anatomy, it's clear that this is not merely a question of "CEO plotline" in kdrama/cdramas. Again, to be clear, I had zero issues with the secondary couple, in terms of the age gap or power imbalance.
8. Tons of examples of dramas with comparable age gaps which were critically acclaimed and where there was a stark power imbalance. Thinking for example of Secret Love Affair, where the twenty year older partner also had the economic and educational future of their younger lover in their hands, pretty much the biggest power imbalance imaginable. Now, having read some of your other reviews, I do know that you are bothered by infidelity, and I have to say that I do share the squeamishness about the subject, so in than regard I do see how one could have an issue with Secret Love Affair in that regard, but as for the age gap? That was pretty much one of the major characteristic of the drama, so, there as in here, it was kind of the point, part of the plot, without it you would lose many of the conflicts and struggles the drama is about.
In short, though, I guess it comes down to the fact that, from celebrities to tons of regular couples, a lot of people with similar or even bigger age gaps live perfectly happy lives, and that to most people it would be galling to try to discriminate against them, or shame them over something that is none of their business and hurts literally no one else. Also an awareness that one's personal preference (or to be more precise prejudice) does not entitle them to dictate which consenting adult another consenting adult should find attractive, or want to sleep with or date. Plus the common sense to just avoid a drama if it is made perfectly clear that it contains an age gap relationship (and in this case it couldn't have been clearer), and the knowledge that it is just galling to try to shame someone that had no problem with it and liked it for liking it. Or an awareness of how ridiculous it would be go complain about something that you knew was going to be in the drama from the get go (tags, description, actor list, novel, etc.). It's basically the same reason well adjusted people don't go below BL dramas and try to shame the viewers for enjoying the drama (note the term "well adjusted"... if someone intentionally watched one of those dramas and then went to complain, I don't think they would deserve the appellation).
Quite frankly, I would turn the question around and say "how could anyone make a big deal" about it, regardless of the age gap: it's clearly spelled out, nobody is forcing anyone to watch it, if one does and then goes under the comment section of the drama to complain and try to shame people for liking it, then the one whose behavior should be questioned should surely be the latter. If in real life they tried to harass a couple in an age gap romance, be it a famous one (Ellen and Portia, etc.), or one of the tons of regular people, still, the question and the one who imho would have a problem and something to answer for would be the one bothering and trying to shame people and try to get them to force them to adopt their relationship preferences. Among other things (and there are many other things), the sheer arrogance to think they would know better than the people involved, or be in any position to pontificate about something as complex as a specific human relationship based on their arbitrary metrics, is baffling. And to try to shame and make people feel wrong about something that is only their business and doesn't hurt anyone else is not a good look
Very recently we had kind of a similar example with netizens commenting on the age of the FL in Crash Course in Romance... and yes, she is much older than ML and looks much older as well. But is such an age difference really something appropriate to shame someone over? I mean, not like it wasn't clear from the beginning who the couple was going to be. I guess I just don't understand how one could stand on the pulpit and cast shame on people for doing something that is their business and only their business, and that literally doesn't hurt anyone else. With completely undeserved self righteousness and moral superiority, to boot, when their exact opposite should be the only appropriate attitude. It's not a good look. I mean, if I was caught harassing two adults who never did anything to hurt anyone else, for the crime of liking each other, I wouldn't know how far of a hole to dig in the ground to crawl into in utter shame.
I mean, I do think that the people throwing around words such as "disgusting" to describe the love between two adults that are not hurting anyone else would be able to do so only due to anonymity, be it in the form of a mob in real life or pseudonyms online, or they would be just utterly shameless. To be frank, I would like to see how many of the people criticizing anyone from Clooney, to the ML in this drama (who was utterly hot), to FL in Crash Course in Romance, look like themselves -not talking about you, to be clear... but some of the stuff I have read, particularly against the FL in Crash Course in Romance, was pretty disgusting-... I would go out on a limb and say that people that insult others' appearance or age online are not bound to be supermodel material themselves, no matter if they are young or old. Not like the average young male is hotter than Clooney, or this drama's ML. I mean, such attractive people are not exactly as common as cabbages. Same with a Monica Bellucci, etc. I do have that level of self awareness, at least -again, not talking about you-.
I do realize that in the case of the drama, these comments are few and far in between, will have no impact on the critical acclaim of the work, and will never be seen, let alone hurt, the actors involved. But it does make me fear that such people would be as judgmental of a real life couple in a similar situation, and certainly for the viewers it is not pleasant to be shamed and be exposed to language such as "disgusting", etc. about actors that they presumably enjoyed watching -basically trying to shame and make them feel bad about something they enjoyed-. I do really think that it is kind of crazy that one would think that they have the right to pass judgment on consenting adults they know nothing about based on something as arbitrary as their age, let alone their physical appearance (which also happened in Crash Course in Romance).
100% agree with the fact that this was a relationship between consenting adults (I mean, case in point, CZ Jones…
Relevant pieces:
Nancy McDonie's review, where she says:
"""Here we go with the 'grooming' tid bit, have you watched the drama or even the clips. SHE CHASES HIM. As for the Summer-winter affair it means a short lived romance hopefully ending well as the summer heat comes into the arsh winter realities. The story is beyond the age factor. For all of you saying 'ick' factor there are many females who never clicked with a younger man. This female character actually decided who her man is and took assertive action to remind him and wake him up to their past and future. He pushed her away several times. I admit there are many cheesy dramas with child-like females but this is not one of them. No deceptive plots no wicked jealous second lead no temper tantrums or getting back at the other person.
Beautiful drama. 10/10 """
Agreed, and this pretty much lines up with OP's review.
Some relevant bits of the response:
"""Agreed, it's just common sense: we are talking about a relationship between two consenting adults (and I find the infantilization by busybodies absolutely offensive and patronizing, denying the character's agency). Furthermore, no brainwashing or anything of the sort had been going on, and any complaint in that respect is a ChatGPT worthy hallucination: surely for someone to legitimately complain about brainwashing, actual brainwashing should have occurred in the first place, otherwise what are we even talking about. Here, ML did not brainwash FL, full stop. It just didn't happen.
I mean, to be clear, without even bringing up actors such as Clooney or Portia and Ellen, and looking at the "older but absolutely attractive" specimens which certainly ML's actor belongs to (I mean, hot is hot ;)), even for regular people, if we look even at the actual statistics, half of Americans have been in a 10+ age gap relationship, and there are millions of married couples in the US alone with a 20+ age gap... to criminalize and shame the consenting adults in such couples/marriages and make them feel wrong over the prejudices of busybodies wanting to discriminate against them seem repulsive to me. Nor would it be said delusional, pear clutching busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry.
Also, the age gap is acknowledged in the drama and is actually instrumental to the plot. Not that I would have found it objectionable as if they had just brushed it off as "relationship between consenting adults, nothing to see here": I have seen other age gap dramas do that (I am a fan of Noona dramas myself - which I got a bit of in this drama in the form of the secondary couple).
That said, I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray."""
The bit about the depiction of ML was interesting to focus on.
Also relevant:
"""Apart from that, this is all the more absurd because the age gap is spelled out very, very clearly in the Drama description, in the tags, the actors that are going the main leads and the fact that this is going to be a romance is clear from the beginning, so if someone has a problem with this due to some irrational hang up, and is still going to watch all the drama and complain about that, we are essentially talking about someone that was looking, and going out of their way, to be offended. It's like someone that hated flowers going to a flower shop and complaining they are selling flowers, or someone buying a car and complaining it has four wheels rather than two, or going to the middle of the Swiss Alps, and complaining the chalet is not a beach front house... If someone did that, they would be immediately disqualifying themselves."""
Fundamentally, to make an example, I don't enjoy BL dramas, but you will never find me under BL dramas' comment sections screaming about it being "disgusting", because 1) I don't believe it is disgusting, just because I don't personally enjoy it, and 2) I have enough theory of mind to understand that shaming people for what they life is inappropriate.
I mean, this is not a case where expectations were betrayed, the description and tags and actor list couldn't have been more clear regarding what the show was going to be about.
Nancy McDonie's review, where she says:
"""Here we go with the 'grooming' tid bit, have you watched the drama or even the clips. SHE CHASES HIM. As for the Summer-winter affair it means a short lived romance hopefully ending well as the summer heat comes into the arsh winter realities. The story is beyond the age factor. For all of you saying 'ick' factor there are many females who never clicked with a younger man. This female character actually decided who her man is and took assertive action to remind him and wake him up to their past and future. He pushed her away several times. I admit there are many cheesy dramas with child-like females but this is not one of them. No deceptive plots no wicked jealous second lead no temper tantrums or getting back at the other person.
Beautiful drama. 10/10 """
Agreed, and this pretty much lines up with OP's review.
Some relevant bits of the response:
"""Agreed, it's just common sense: we are talking about a relationship between two consenting adults (and I find the infantilization by busybodies absolutely offensive and patronizing, denying the character's agency). Furthermore, no brainwashing or anything of the sort had been going on, and any complaint in that respect is a ChatGPT worthy hallucination: surely for someone to legitimately complain about brainwashing, actual brainwashing should have occurred in the first place, otherwise what are we even talking about. Here, ML did not brainwash FL, full stop. It just didn't happen.
I mean, to be clear, without even bringing up actors such as Clooney or Portia and Ellen, and looking at the "older but absolutely attractive" specimens which certainly ML's actor belongs to (I mean, hot is hot ;)), even for regular people, if we look even at the actual statistics, half of Americans have been in a 10+ age gap relationship, and there are millions of married couples in the US alone with a 20+ age gap... to criminalize and shame the consenting adults in such couples/marriages and make them feel wrong over the prejudices of busybodies wanting to discriminate against them seem repulsive to me. Nor would it be said delusional, pear clutching busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry.
Also, the age gap is acknowledged in the drama and is actually instrumental to the plot. Not that I would have found it objectionable as if they had just brushed it off as "relationship between consenting adults, nothing to see here": I have seen other age gap dramas do that (I am a fan of Noona dramas myself - which I got a bit of in this drama in the form of the secondary couple).
That said, I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray."""
The bit about the depiction of ML was interesting to focus on.
Also relevant:
"""Apart from that, this is all the more absurd because the age gap is spelled out very, very clearly in the Drama description, in the tags, the actors that are going the main leads and the fact that this is going to be a romance is clear from the beginning, so if someone has a problem with this due to some irrational hang up, and is still going to watch all the drama and complain about that, we are essentially talking about someone that was looking, and going out of their way, to be offended. It's like someone that hated flowers going to a flower shop and complaining they are selling flowers, or someone buying a car and complaining it has four wheels rather than two, or going to the middle of the Swiss Alps, and complaining the chalet is not a beach front house... If someone did that, they would be immediately disqualifying themselves."""
Fundamentally, to make an example, I don't enjoy BL dramas, but you will never find me under BL dramas' comment sections screaming about it being "disgusting", because 1) I don't believe it is disgusting, just because I don't personally enjoy it, and 2) I have enough theory of mind to understand that shaming people for what they life is inappropriate.
I mean, this is not a case where expectations were betrayed, the description and tags and actor list couldn't have been more clear regarding what the show was going to be about.
I do acknowledge that there are some cultural differences, such as Americans apparently being very much against workplace relationships, which is not the case in other countries such as Germany, where there was a famous case where Walmart tried to interfere and lost in court, as can be confirmed via a Reddit search. This is probably the time where I will point out that a lot, and I mean a lot, of Chinese/Korean, etc. dramas have a setting where the female lead dates the company's CEO. That would be a cultural difference, I suppose. Even though... maybe not. I mean, let's not forget about Gray's Anatomy: it's clearly not only a matter of CEOs plotlines in dramas. Again, at this point I think that it would be worth to come back to the statistics I mentioned above and to distinguish between reality and the irrational and incoherent screeds of some "terminally online" people: half of Americans have been in a 10+ age gap relationships, and there are millions of married couples in the US alone with a 20+ age gap. It would be outrageous to discriminate against them, harass them, try to shame them and criminalize the behavior of such consenting adults, nor is any of those delusional busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry.
And yes, of course this is just common sense: we are talking about a relationship between two consenting adults (and I find the infantilization by busybodies absolutely offensive and patronizing, denying the character's agency). Furthermore, no brainwashing or anything of the sort had been going on, and any complaint in that regard is a ChatGPT worthy hallucination: surely for someone to legitimately complain about brainwashing, etc., actual brainwashing should have occurred in the first place, otherwise what are we even talking about. Here, factually speaking, ML did not brainwash FL, full stop. It just didn't happen. Also the age gap is acknowledged in the drama and is actually instrumental to the plot. Not that I would have found it objectionable as if they had just brushed it off as "relationship between consenting adults, nothing to see here": I have seen other age gap dramas do that (I am a fan of Noona dramas myself - which I got a bit of in this drama in the form of the secondary couple).
In that respect, coherently, I had absolutely no problem either with ML's and FL's relationship, or with the secondary couple, in terms of their age difference. Here I'll point out that a differential treatment would indeed be incoherent and contradictory, but it does matter in "which direction" you resolve the contradiction, and to be prejudiced/discriminate against both does not seem like an improvement to me: you are going from denying the agency of one consenting adult to denying the agency of two consenting adults. That said, I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray.
100% agree with the fact that this was a relationship between consenting adults (I mean, case in point, CZ Jones and M Douglas: 25y age gap, 24y together). Also, the age issue was explicitly dealt with and was a core part of the plot (and frankly, very clearly advertised in the drama description, so if one went to watch all the episodes only to complain, they have only themselves to blame, and zero credibility). Not that I would have objected if they had decided to leave it at "two consenting adults, nothing none of anyone's business, move along", as in other cases of age-gap romances. In that respect, I personally tend to enjoy Noona romances very much, and the secondary couple in this drama helped scratch that hitch for me.
To be honest, though, that's not something that I saw much complaint about in general, in fact pretty much any mainstream publication I saw praised it for the incredible chemistry, and the way the writer/director succeeded in her goal to give a realistic portrayal of female desire. In this respect, related to "power imbalance", one thing the writer/director said in her interview was that she wanted to make ML the economically weaker party, and give the FL the economic power, breaking with the traditional CEO dating their subordinate schema.
I do have to point out that the secondary couple was a Noona romance where there was a power relation/dependence, in that on top of an age gap there was also a boss/subordinate relationship. Personally, I was completely unbothered by it: the "CEO dating their subordinate" pattern is just so common in cdrama/kdrama, and frankly it's part of the complication of the relationship that made watching their relationship in the drama appealing.
In fact, I can think of various examples with power relations where one party is dependent on the other where I found that the romance/relationship was handled okay: the classic example would be the critically acclaimed Secret Love Affair, where the older partner holds the economic and educational future of the two decades younger lover in their hands, pretty much the biggest power imbalance I could think of. Also, plenty of other couples with such a power imbalance, from Marry My Husband to other Noona cdramas where FL was dating the intern, to the couple in Queen of Tears, etc. Not to mention examples such as Grey's Anatomy: it's clearly not only about the CEO plotline in kdramas/cdramas.
At the end of the day, as a show viewer, this is not really a deal breaker for me, as long as the power imbalance is not exploited, the same way the potential to get a bribe does not equate to actually getting a bribe. I mean, I guess it depends on what we are talking about exactly. Obviously a situation where one of the parties lived in fear and walked on egg shells around the other because they feared that if they offended them they would lose their job and their livelihood would be in danger would not be a desirable situation for anyone involved, and it couldn't really be called "love". I must say that would also point to a fundamental lack of trust. On the other hand, realistically speaking, under other definitions of power imbalance, Jeff Bezos, etc. would never be able to date another human being if we looked for power parity, or there could be cases such as a stay at home dad or mom who is economically dependent on their partner, or wouldn't be able to live the same life if they split up, a problem that is only partially addressed by alimony during divorce, given that that applies only to marriages, etc... I guess that what I am trying to say is that, as in any aspect of consensual relationships between adults with agency, it is pretty hard to give some hard and fast rule (consenting adults being, of course, the non negotiable premise: by definition someone under the age of consent cannot... well, consent). It's good to be aware of the potential for exploitation, but to me it was simply not a deal breaker in this drama's secondary couple, etc.
I do acknowledge that there is probably some cultural difference here in that in the US people tend to frown on workplace relatiosnhips, which is very much not the case in places like Germany (I mean, one just has to look up the Walmart case where the multinational company tried to butt in, and was promptly put in its place by the court).
Though, I have to say that, again, the CEO with subordinate plot line is so common in cdrama/kdrama that it simply comes with the territory. Again, personally I had absolutely no problem with the secondary couple's relationship.
Actually, again, in contradiction to the point about US views of workplace relationships, I'll have to point to series like Gray's Anatomy and say: well, it's not just about the CEO plotline in Korean/Chinese dramas.
Again, all that aside, though, there is the rather pertinent fact that the age gap is spelled out very, very clearly in the Drama description, in the tags, the actors that are going the main leads and the fact that this is going to be a romance is clear from the beginning, so if someone has a problem with this due to some irrational hang up, and is still going to watch all the drama and complain about that, we are essentially talking about someone that was looking, and going out of their way, to be offended. It's like someone that hated flowers going to a flower shop and complaining they are selling flowers, or someone buying a car and complaining it has four wheels rather than two... If someone did that, they would be immediately disqualifying themselves.
I will also point out that there are a ton of examples of dramas with comparable age gaps which were critically acclaimed and where there was a stark power imbalance. Thinking for example of Secret Love Affair, where the twenty year older partner also had the economic and educational future of their younger lover in their hands, pretty much the biggest power imbalance imaginable.
I must say that I consider the petty reviewers downvoting the drama because of the age gap to be essentially abusing the system. I mean, it would be like me going below any BL drama page and writing "BL romance, disgusting". It would be unacceptable on multiple levels, not the least of which is the fact that it's not disgusting, it's just that it's not my personal preference, and that everyone understands that using such offensive language is essentially an attempt to shame people for what they liked. But it's not only that: it's also an abuse of the review system.
I mean, we have labels. BL works are tagged as BL. Are there two guys kissing? Yes, that's kind of the point. Similarly, with Noona romances. Is there an age gap? Yes, that's kind of the point. And so on.
I mean, I guess that it would be one thing if this was mislabeled. Though I wouldn't know about thrashing it. But it would be like someone with a pet peeve against cheating in dramas going under Secret Love Affair and thrashing it because it "depicts infidelity (and age gap, and power imbalance)". Yes, that's kind of in the title. It's also indicated in the labels. One that likes it obviously is okay with that aspect.
Again, this would be like someone disliking horror movies that went under a list of zombie movies and started to downvote each of them because "there are dead people walking". Yes, that's kind of the point. This is nothing more and nothing less than a clear abuse of the system.
I must say that there was not much toxicity in that respect in this drama. In Crash Course in Romance people had a field day thrashing FL for the age gap. it was outrageous.
For that matter, I'll note that this drama also had an age gap Noona romance in the 2nd couple (the younger of which iirc started out as the other's subordinate). I very much enjoyed that as well (I am a great fan of Noona romance).
"""Here we go with the 'grooming' tid bit, have you watched the drama or even the clips. SHE CHASES HIM. As for the Summer-winter affair it means a short lived romance hopefully ending well as the summer heat comes into the harsh winter realities. The story is beyond the age factor. For all of you saying 'ick' factor there are many females who never clicked with a younger man. This female character actually decided who her man is and took assertive action to remind him and wake him up to their past and future. He pushed her away several times. I admit there are many cheesy dramas with child-like females but this is not one of them. No deceptive plots no wicked jealous second lead no temper tantrums or getting back at the other person.
Beautiful drama. 10/10 """
From other reviews:
"""the main leads are indeed consenting adults, and not in a type of power relation where one part is dependent on the other. """
On the above, I must say that this was not the case for 2nd couple, not that I was bothered by it (I mean, from CEO plot line in most kdrama/cdrama, to Gray's Anatomy, it's not as if ), plus we have stunning dramas like Secret Love Affair where the 2 decades younger lover is literally dependent on their older lover in terms of their economic and educational prospects, which is about as unbalanced as you can make a relationship, power wise... I guess that it comes down to the fact of whether the power imbalance is exploited, and in that case it was not (again, usual caveats about the infidelity angle, since I think you share my same squeamishness regarding the subject... though, to be honest, in that case it's right in the title, so it's not as if there is any surprise), the same way the potential to get a bribe does not equate to actually getting a bribe.
I mean, I guess it depends on what we are talking about exactly. Obviously a situation where one of the parties lived in fear and walked on egg shells around the other because they feared that if they offended them they would lose their job and their livelihood would be in danger would not be a desirable situation for anyone involved, and it couldn't really be called "love". I must say that would also point to a fundamental lack of trust. On the other hand, realistically speaking, under other definitions of power imbalance, Jeff Bezos, etc. would never be able to date another human being if we looked for power parity, or there could be cases such as a stay at home dad or mom who is economically dependent on their partner, or wouldn't be able to live the same life if they split up, a problem that is only partially addressed by alimony during divorce, given that that applies only to marriages, etc... I guess that what I am trying to say is that, as in any aspect of consensual relationships between adults with agency, it is pretty hard to give some hard and fast rule (consenting adults being, of course, the non negotiable premise: by definition someone under the age of consent cannot... well, consent). It's good to be aware of the potential for exploitation, but to me it was simply not a deal breaker in this drama's secondary couple, etc.
"""The female lead, young as she may be is smart, forward, and is going in to this with her eyes wide open. It is easy to see that she and the male lead connect on several levels. She does of course have some issues but they are [...] about other stuff than age. """
Agreed on FL's maturity, frankly disagreed about her having major problem: aside from what was necessary for character growth, I greatly enjoyed her character, the strength to fight for her dreams when she knew she lived with a Damocles's sword hanging over her head.
"""The male lead has an awful headband most of the time reminding me of 80s rock,I personally love 80's rock but the look was just bad. that said, aside from the head band the guy did indeed show some great aesthetics and was indeed shot in slow motion from a bunch of very flattering angles. His character was kind, pretty passive, and seamed to try to hold back most of the dram a. And as long as he holds back we the viewers are offered a lot of build up, gazes, slow mo stuff... And fluff, colourful lighting and stem or fluff making the frame look all dreamy... steamy... """
Agreed on the hotness, not on the headband. Headband was cool.
Let's be perfectly clear, though. To go through BL dramas and downgrade/leave bad reviews saying "BL romance, disgusting" is inappropriate. Yes, there are two guys kissing. That's kind of the point. To go through Noona dramas and downgrade/leave bad reviews saying "age gap romance, disgusting" is inappropriate. Yes, there is an age gap. That's kind of the point. I mean, even just on a very practical level, this abuse of the review/comment system makes it absolutely useless, thrashing shows for things that are made very clear in the tags, description, actor list, etc. and that is a fundamental part of the plot. That would be like downvoting Secret Love Affair because "it's infidelity (and age gap, and power imbalance)"... yes, no joke, it's in the title. We know. This to me is nothing more and nothing less than an abuse of the system.
If one, say, has an issue with age gaps and don't like Noona romances, it's not okay to go through Noona romance dramas and downvote/thrash them simply for being Noona romances. Yes, there is an age gap. It's a Noona romance, it's marked as such. Similarly, if one has an issue with zombie movies, it's not okay to go through a list of zombie movies and trash them because there are dead people walking. Again, this is labeled, one knows what they are looking for, if they are looking for this they clearly are okay with that part. In fact, in this drama the age gap is pretty important plot wise, it's kind of the point for them to be apart in age. This is just an abuse of the rating system, as well as complaining about something that was made clear with the tags and nobody that then decides to watch the drama cares or wants to ear about one's irrational prejudices/personal hangups in that regard, or their desire to discriminate against such people over their immutable characteristics, or whatever else.
This is different from downvoting dramas with cheating when something like cheating, say, happens, but was not indicated. In that case there was some useful additional information not present in the labels. Though I don't know that I would downvote a drama simply because it contains cheating: I mean, it's not my cup of tea, but with something like Secret Love Affair, it's also kind of the point, so it doesn't make much sense imho to trash the drama simply because one has a personal aversion to that kind of plot. Of course, that drama is also correctly labeled. But to downvote, say, Secret Love Affair with the same motivation? When it was labeled? To me, that's kind of an abuse of the review system: presumably, someone that wants to look at that drama is okay with that aspect of the plot.
Now onto the breakdown:
1. Common sense: the age gap is clearly indicated in the description, tags, actor list, it's in the original novel (I mean, I do have a mental image of someone that would think to comment on, let alone go up to and try to shame, two adults in an age gap relationship, be it a George Clooney or Portia and Ellen, or a regular couple -when really who two consenting adults find attractive and choose to sleep with/date/marry is really none of their business and hurts no one else-, as an insufferable gossip, or a hick from some backwater that is not too keen on reading, but it's worth noting that this drama was taken from a novel). The point being, here, that to go watch 24 episodes of this only to complain, as some people did is basically to look to be offended on purpose. Just like someone hating Korean BBQ going to eat to a Korean BBQ only to complain.
This should really be more than sufficient: even without changing anything else of one's outlook, the "don't like, don't watch" advice is pretty solid, when the age gap thing is so clearly indicated. The description, plot and actor list make it very clear who is going to end up in a relationship, so it's not about betraying expectations (I have to say, subverting expectations depending on how it's done might also be a positive for a given work): one gets exactly what was announced in terms of the relationship, so one can hardly complain about that if they choose to watch it. I would at most accept one being surprised by the 2nd couple (I do see that we are lacking the tag for that age gap Noona relationship), but the 1st couple? It's established pretty much from the 1st episode (and the poster, the description, the tags, the actor list, etc.). I saw some reviewers complaining about age gaps in shows where it was clearly stated in the tags that there was going to be an age gap. Again, this to me is equivalent to complaining about a car having four wheels. It was announced, it was in the tags, it was in the description, there was a character list... it makes absolutely no sense to down vote or complain about a drama over something that was very clearly stated basically everywhere. This is essentially looking to be offended. I mean, it's at the level of looking up zombie movies and downvoting/complaining about there being walking dead people.
2. Other common sense: this is a relationship between two consenting adults, and it is galling and patronizing for a busybody to infantilize and deny agency to one of them. Furthermore, no brainwashing or anything of the sort had been going on, and any complaint in that respect is a ChatGPT worthy hallucination: surely for someone to legitimately complain about brainwashing, actual brainwashing should have occurred in the first place, otherwise what are we even talking about. Here, ML did not brainwash FL, full stop. It just didn't happen. More to the point, the notion that a woman in her particular condition would have to be concern herself with the opinion of busybodies and self sabotage her own happiness does not seem particularly sensible to me. This would also be true for any woman (or man), but life has a way of filtering out the inessential at certain moments.
3. Hot is hot. I mean, they are certainly not the only examples, but Clooney or Portia and Ellen are in a set that ML's actor definitely belonged to, which is one where the older partner is older, but undeniably hot. Corollary: actors had stunning visuals and amazing chemistry. Second corollary: they are acting, they are not really in a relationship. Not that it would be anyone's business who two adults choose to date: Tang Wei iirc had the same age gap with her husband as the one she had with ML's actor in Finding Mr. Right, etc. I mean, to be clear we have people like CZ Jones and M Douglas that have a 25y age gap, and have been together for 24y.
4. Sometimes it's not clear whether people realize that we are talking about realities that describe real people. Famous examples aside, if we want to distinguish between reality and the irrational and incoherent screeds of some "terminally online" people, even statistically speaking, in Western countries, around 8% of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more. Half of the US population has been in a 10+ age gap relationship. Concretely speaking, we are talking about millions of married couples in a 20+ age gap relationship in the US alone. To criminalize and shame the consenting adults in such couples/marriages and make them feel wrong over the prejudices of busybodies wanting to discriminate against them seem repulsive to me. Nor would it be said delusional, pear clutching busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry.
5. The age gap is acknowledged in the drama and is actually instrumental to the plot. Not that I would have found it objectionable as if they had just brushed it off as "relationship between consenting adults, nothing to see here": I have seen other age gap dramas do that (I am a fan of Noona dramas myself - which I got a bit of in this drama in the form of the secondary couple).
6. Frankly, the fact of the matter is the vast majority of reviews and any mainstream article I read commented on the leads' amazing chemistry. I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray. Among other things, she made it so that FL had more economic power than ML, avoiding the classical "powerful CEO" trope.
7. As others commented, the main couple is not in the "type of power relation where one part is dependent on the other". I have to say that this is not true for the secondary couple, a Noona romance where the age gap was almost as large as the one for the main couple, but where the younger person started out as the older person's subordinate. Though, with the context of the "CEO plotline", that was no issue for me at all. I would say that in the US they culturally tend to frown on workplace relationships more than in other places (they are not a problem in Germany, in fact as Walmart discovered, the company trying to interfere in it is a problem, as per German courts), but I have to say that just citing the example of Gray's Anatomy, it's clear that this is not merely a question of "CEO plotline" in kdrama/cdramas. Again, to be clear, I had zero issues with the secondary couple, in terms of the age gap or power imbalance.
8. Tons of examples of dramas with comparable age gaps which were critically acclaimed and where there was a stark power imbalance. Thinking for example of Secret Love Affair, where the twenty year older partner also had the economic and educational future of their younger lover in their hands, pretty much the biggest power imbalance imaginable. There the age gap was pretty much one of the major characteristic of the drama, so, there as in here, it was kind of the point, part of the plot, without it you would lose many of the conflicts and struggles the drama is about.
In short, though, I guess it comes down to the fact that, from celebrities to tons of regular couples, a lot of people with similar or even bigger age gaps live perfectly happy lives, and that to most people it would be galling to try to discriminate against them, or shame them over something that is none of their business and hurts literally no one else. Also an awareness that one's personal preference (or to be more precise prejudice) does not entitle them to dictate which consenting adult another consenting adult should find attractive, or want to sleep with or date. Plus the common sense to just avoid a drama if it is made perfectly clear that it contains an age gap relationship (and in this case it couldn't have been clearer), and the knowledge that it is just galling to try to shame someone that had no problem with it and liked it for liking it. Or an awareness of how ridiculous it would be go complain about something that you knew was going to be in the drama from the get go (tags, description, actor list, novel, etc.). It's basically the same reason well adjusted people don't go below BL dramas and try to shame the viewers for enjoying the drama (note the term "well adjusted"... if someone intentionally watched one of those dramas and then went to complain, I don't think they would deserve the appellation).
Quite frankly, I would turn the question around and say "how could anyone make a big deal" about it, regardless of the age gap: it's clearly spelled out, nobody is forcing anyone to watch it, if one does and then goes under the comment section of the drama to complain and try to shame people for liking it, then the one whose behavior should be questioned should surely be the latter. If in real life they tried to harass a couple in an age gap romance, be it a famous one (Ellen and Portia, etc.), or one of the tons of regular people, still, the question and the one who imho would have a problem and something to answer for would be the one bothering and trying to shame people and try to get them to force them to adopt their relationship preferences. Among other things (and there are many other things), the sheer arrogance to think they would know better than the people involved, or be in any position to pontificate about something as complex as a specific human relationship based on their arbitrary metrics, is baffling. And to try to shame and make people feel wrong about something that is only their business and doesn't hurt anyone else is not a good look
Very recently we had kind of a similar example with netizens commenting on the age of the FL in Crash Course in Romance... and yes, she is much older than ML and looks much older as well. But is such an age difference really something appropriate to shame someone over? I mean, not like it wasn't clear from the beginning who the couple was going to be. I guess I just don't understand how one could stand on the pulpit and cast shame on people for doing something that is their business and only their business, and that literally doesn't hurt anyone else. With completely undeserved self righteousness and moral superiority, to boot, when their exact opposite should be the only appropriate attitude. It's not a good look. I mean, if I was caught harassing two adults who never did anything to hurt anyone else, for the crime of liking each other, I wouldn't know how far of a hole to dig in the ground to crawl into in utter shame.
I mean, I do think that the people throwing around words such as "disgusting" to describe the love between two adults that are not hurting anyone else would be able to do so only due to anonymity, be it in the form of a mob in real life or pseudonyms online, or they would be just utterly shameless. To be frank, I would like to see how many of the people criticizing anyone from Clooney, to the ML in this drama (who was utterly hot), to FL in Crash Course in Romance, look like themselves -some of the stuff I have read, particularly against the FL in Crash Course in Romance, was pretty disgusting-... I would go out on a limb and say that people that insult others' appearance or age online are not bound to be supermodel material themselves, no matter if they are young or old. Not like the average young male is hotter than Clooney, or this drama's ML. I mean, such attractive people are not exactly as common as cabbages. Same with a Monica Bellucci, etc. I do have that level of self awareness, at least.
I do realize that in the case of the drama, these comments are few and far in between, will have no impact on the critical acclaim of the work, and will never be seen, let alone hurt, the actors involved. But it does make me fear that such people would be as judgmental of a real life couple in a similar situation, and certainly for the viewers it is not pleasant to be shamed and be exposed to language such as "disgusting", etc. about actors that they presumably enjoyed watching -basically trying to shame and make them feel bad about something they enjoyed-. I do really think that it is kind of crazy that one would think that they have the right to pass judgment on consenting adults they know nothing about based on something as arbitrary as their age, let alone their physical appearance (which also happened in Crash Course in Romance).
I will also point out that there are a ton of examples of dramas with comparable age gaps which were critically acclaimed and where there was a stark power imbalance. Thinking for example of Secret Love Affair, where the twenty year older partner also had the economic and educational future of their younger lover in their hands, pretty much the biggest power imbalance imaginable.
I must say that I consider the petty reviewers downvoting the drama because of the age gap to be essentially abusing the system. I mean, it would be like me going below any BL drama page and writing "BL romance, disgusting". It would be unacceptable on multiple levels, not the least of which is the fact that it's not disgusting, it's just that it's not my personal preference, and that everyone understands that using such offensive language is essentially an attempt to shame people for what they liked. But it's not only that: it's also an abuse of the review system.
I mean, we have labels. BL works are tagged as BL. Are there two guys kissing? Yes, that's kind of the point. Similarly, with Noona romances. Is there an age gap? Yes, that's kind of the point. And so on.
I mean, I guess that it would be one thing if this was mislabeled. Though I wouldn't know about thrashing it. But it would be like someone with a pet peeve against cheating in dramas going under Secret Love Affair and thrashing it because it "depicts infidelity (and age gap, and power imbalance)". Yes, that's kind of in the title. It's also indicated in the labels. One that likes it obviously is okay with that aspect.
Again, this would be like someone disliking horror movies that went under a list of zombie movies and started to downvote each of them because "there are dead people walking". Yes, that's kind of the point. This is nothing more and nothing less than a clear abuse of the system.
I must say that there was not much toxicity in that respect in this drama. In Crash Course in Romance people had a field day thrashing FL for the age gap. it was outrageous.
For that matter, I'll note that this drama also had an age gap Noona romance in the 2nd couple (the younger of which iirc started out as the other's subordinate). I very much enjoyed that as well (I am a great fan of Noona romance).
But setting aside famous couples, even just statistically speaking, in Western countries, around 8% of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more. In other words, there are millions of couples with an age gap similar to the one depicted in the drama in the US alone. Are they the majority? No. Do a ton of them exist? Yes. The world is a big place. A ton of them exist.
I must say that I find the netizens downvoting the drama over the age thing are abusing the system. I mean, if I went under BL drama pages and wrote "BL, disgusting", on top of being appalling behavior in and of itself (it's not disgusting, I simply don't like it, but it's a personal preference), and insulting to the ones who enjoyed it, shaming them for what they liked, it would also be an abuse of the system: presumably the BL romance was kind of the point. Yes, it's BL drama, yes, there are two guys kissing, that's the point.
Similarly, with Noona drama, yes there is an age gap, yes, that's kind of the point. Here, we have the correct labels. It wouldn't really make sense for someone to go to every age gap drama and downvote/trash it because of the age gap. It's labeled very clearly, someone that wants to watch it knows that there is an age gap. To trash it is an abuse of the system.
Still, in that case the review did add some useful information, because the page of "The Worst Of Evil" does indeed lack appropriate tags around the infidelity aspect, so I am thankful for that. But hopefully it's clear how, for example. if one went through Noona romances and started downvoting them all with the explanation "this is an age gap romance" it would soon render the voting system and website completely useless: yes, it is an age gap romance, it's kind of why one is looking for Noona romances in the first place, presumably (speaking as a Noona romance fan).
Now, let's set aside for a moment the basic fact that we are talking about a relationship between two consenting adults, and I find the infantilization of one of them by busybodies absolutely offensive and patronizing, denying the character's agency. Let's also set aside the notion that to criminalize and shame consenting adults in such couples/marriages and make them feel wrong over the prejudices of busybodies wanting to discriminate against them seem repulsive to me. Nor would it be said delusional, pear clutching busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry. Let's also set aside the usage of offensive language expressing disgust ("ick", "disgusting", etc.) to shame fans of the show for what they like, and presumably to shame couples for something that is fundamentally none of their business, when they are not hurting anyone else.
I mean, sometimes it's not clear whether people realize that we are talking about realities that describe real people. It's not just the famous ones. The Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas (24 years of marriage), the George Clooneys, the Porcia and Ellen. I would definitely say that ML in this drama belonged among those "older but very attractive" specimens. But we are also talking about millions of non famous people in similar relationships in the US alone. In Western countries, around 8% of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more. Half of the US population has been in a 10+ age gap relationship. Concretely speaking, we are talking about millions of married couples in a 20+ age gap relationship in the US alone.
Not like we didn't have more than sufficient examples of such atrocious behavior: some of the language used to describe FL in Crash Course In Romance is downright disgusting (in general I do think that insulting a person's appearance or age is appalling). Yes, she was much older than ML. So what? I would like to see what kind of young Adonis or Venus the people attacking her are (somehow, I doubt it).
Let's set all of that aside. The question still remains, keeping all of the above constant, how does it make any sense to downvote and complain about a drama entirely over an aspect that couldn't have been announced more clearly in the description? The obvious answer is that it does not. Yes, it is an age gap romance. As clearly indicated in the labels, poster, actor list, etc. and pretty much anywhere. What's next, going through a list of zombie movies and downvoting/complaining about there being walking dead people? I mean, come on.
I am not trying to be offensive, this is not an attack. To make another example, do I like BL dramas? No. Yet I would never go under BL drama pages and review/comment that they are disgusting. First of all, because I don't think they are disgusting: it's simply not my cup of tea. I mean, surely that acknowledgment is not too much to ask: there are tons of people in age gap relationships, surely "someone" finds them okay (surely you are not going to tell me that Catherine Zeta Jones, for example, lacks options). Second of all, because I have theory of mind and understand how that would amount to shaming fans of the drama for what they like. "Icky", "disgusting", that kind of language (offensive and disgusting language). And, I guess, because ultimately this behavior just doesn't make sense. I mean, going under any BL drama and saying "disgusting, BL relationship". Going under any Age Gap drama (or Noona drama, etc.) and saying "disgusting, age gap relationship", when it's clearly indicated in the tags. I mean, what's next: going under Secret Love Affair and write "disgusting: 1) age gap, 2) power imbalance, 3) infidelity"? But it's in the tags, it's what the drama is about. I mean, people need only to look at the actors and see their respective ages, frankly. But even that is unnecessary, look at the tags.
I mean, to be honest I am more of a Noona romance myself, but if I look up works in that genre, I know there is going to be an age gap, that's kind of what I was looking for..
In terms of the husband, I was more lenient, after all it was implied that he would have died anyway, so in my mind this was just him "shortening" the situation, maybe he wanted to avoid his family having to take care of him when the outcome was decided. And his art came in handy when it came time to get some money, I guess. So I wouldn't really be as severe in my judgment.
In terms of the judgmental bit, I do find people's behavior absolutely absurd. I mean, this would be like me going below BL dramas and posting nasty comments about it being disgusting, simply because I didn't like it, with moral superiority and self righteousness to boost... what well adjusted person would do that?
By this I mean that the age gap thing couldn't have been more clearer in the description, etc. So if one chose to make a big deal out of it after watching the whole drama, they only have themselves to blame. Not sure if there is a "western" angle, to be honest plenty of people in the west have relationships with similar age gaps: statistically speaking, in Western countries, around 8% of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more. In other words, there are millions of couples with an age gap similar to the one depicted in the drama in the US alone. Are they most couples? Certainly not. Are they a lot of couples? Yes, even just because the world is a big place. So it's hard to see what the pearl clutching is supposed to be about, personally I can't see it. Particularly when you take into account that this wan announced in advance and made as clear as possible: if after spelling it out so clearly one *still* complains about the age gap, it's on them, not on the drama.
I mean, to mention only one famous examples (from Portia/Ellen to Clooney), take Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones: 25 year age gap, and 24 years together.
Not that I have anything against the CEO plotline. I was going to make a comparison between the US and other nations such as Germany in terms of workplace romance (in Germany, it's safe to say that the attitude is much more relaxed in that regard, Walmart learned in court not to interfere in their workers' personal life), but then I remembered about Gray's Anatomy... Clearly not a question of just CEO plotline in cdrama/kdrama. Not that I have anything against the CEO plotline, to be clear.
"""Here we go with the 'grooming' tid bit, have you watched the drama or even the clips. SHE CHASES HIM. As for the Summer-winter affair it means a short lived romance hopefully ending well as the summer heat comes into the harsh winter realities. The story is beyond the age factor. For all of you saying 'ick' factor there are many females who never clicked with a younger man. This female character actually decided who her man is and took assertive action to remind him and wake him up to their past and future. He pushed her away several times. I admit there are many cheesy dramas with child-like females but this is not one of them. No deceptive plots no wicked jealous second lead no temper tantrums or getting back at the other person.
Beautiful drama. 10/10 """
From other reviews:
"""the main leads are indeed consenting adults, and not in a type of power relation where one part is dependent on the other. """
On the above, I must say that this was not the case for 2nd couple, not that I was bothered by it (I mean, from CEO plot line in most kdrama/cdrama, to Gray's Anatomy, it's not as if ), plus we have stunning dramas like Secret Love Affair where the 2 decades younger lover is literally dependent on their older lover in terms of their economic and educational prospects, which is about as unbalanced as you can make a relationship, power wise... I guess that it comes down to the fact of whether the power imbalance is exploited, and in that case it was not (again, usual caveats about the infidelity angle, since I think you share my same squeamishness regarding the subject... though, to be honest, in that case it's right in the title, so it's not as if there is any surprise), the same way the potential to get a bribe does not equate to actually getting a bribe.
I mean, I guess it depends on what we are talking about exactly. Obviously a situation where one of the parties lived in fear and walked on egg shells around the other because they feared that if they offended them they would lose their job and their livelihood would be in danger would not be a desirable situation for anyone involved, and it couldn't really be called "love". I must say that would also point to a fundamental lack of trust. On the other hand, realistically speaking, under other definitions of power imbalance, Jeff Bezos, etc. would never be able to date another human being if we looked for power parity, or there could be cases such as a stay at home dad or mom who is economically dependent on their partner, or wouldn't be able to live the same life if they split up, a problem that is only partially addressed by alimony during divorce, given that that applies only to marriages, etc... I guess that what I am trying to say is that, as in any aspect of consensual relationships between adults with agency, it is pretty hard to give some hard and fast rule (consenting adults being, of course, the non negotiable premise: by definition someone under the age of consent cannot... well, consent). It's good to be aware of the potential for exploitation, but to me it was simply not a deal breaker in this drama's secondary couple, etc.
"""The female lead, young as she may be is smart, forward, and is going in to this with her eyes wide open. It is easy to see that she and the male lead connect on several levels. She does of course have some issues but they are [...] about other stuff than age. """
Agreed on FL's maturity, frankly disagreed about her having major problem: aside from what was necessary for character growth, I greatly enjoyed her character, the strength to fight for her dreams when she knew she lived with a Damocles's sword hanging over her head.
"""The male lead has an awful headband most of the time reminding me of 80s rock,I personally love 80's rock but the look was just bad. that said, aside from the head band the guy did indeed show some great aesthetics and was indeed shot in slow motion from a bunch of very flattering angles. His character was kind, pretty passive, and seamed to try to hold back most of the dram a. And as long as he holds back we the viewers are offered a lot of build up, gazes, slow mo stuff... And fluff, colourful lighting and stem or fluff making the frame look all dreamy... steamy... """
Agreed on the hotness, not on the headband. Headband was cool.
Let's be perfectly clear, though. To go through BL dramas and downgrade/leave bad reviews saying "BL romance, disgusting" is inappropriate. Yes, there are two guys kissing. That's kind of the point. To go through Noona dramas and downgrade/leave bad reviews saying "age gap romance, disgusting" is inappropriate. Yes, there is an age gap. That's kind of the point. I mean, even just on a very practical level, this abuse of the review/comment system makes it absolutely useless, thrashing shows for things that are made very clear in the tags, description, actor list, etc. and that is a fundamental part of the plot. That would be like downvoting Secret Love Affair because "it's infidelity (and age gap, and power imbalance)"... yes, no joke, it's in the title. We know. I am mentioning this because looking at your review, you did thrash other age gap dramas simply because of the fact that they had an age gap (despite it being clearly marked in the tags, etc.). This to me is nothing more and nothing less than an abuse of the system.
If one, say, has an issue with age gaps and don't like Noona romances, it's not okay to go through Noona romance dramas and downvote/thrash them simply for being Noona romances. Yes, there is an age gap. It's a Noona romance, it's marked as such. Similarly, if one has an issue with zombie movies, it's not okay to go through a list of zombie movies and trash them because there are dead people walking. Again, this is labeled, one knows what they are looking for, if they are looking for this they clearly are okay with that part. In fact, in this drama the age gap is pretty important plot wise, it's kind of the point for them to be apart in age. This is just an abuse of the rating system, as well as complaining about something that was made clear with the tags and nobody that then decides to watch the drama cares or wants to ear about one's irrational prejudices/personal hangups in that regard, or their desire to discriminate against such people over their immutable characteristics, or whatever else.
This is different from other reviews where you downvoted dramas with cheating when the cheating was not indicated. In that case there was some useful additional information not present in the labels. Though I don't know that I would downvote a drama simply because it contains cheating: I mean, it's not my cup of tea, but with something like Secret Love Affair, it's also kind of the point, so it doesn't make much sense imho to trash the drama simply because one has a personal aversion to that kind of plot. Of course, that drama is also correctly labeled. In the case of the one you reviewed, I will grant that it wasn't, which is why I thanked you for that review in a comment. But had you downvoted Secret Love Affair with the same motivation? When it was labeled? To me, that's kind of an abuse of the review system: presumably, someone that wants to look at that drama is okay with that aspect of the plot.
Now onto the breakdown:
1. Common sense: the age gap is clearly indicated in the description, tags, actor list, it's in the original novel (I mean, I do have a mental image of someone that would think to comment on, let alone go up to and try to shame, two adults in an age gap relationship, be it a George Clooney or Portia and Ellen, or a regular couple -when really who two consenting adults find attractive and choose to sleep with/date/marry is really none of their business and hurts no one else-, as an insufferable gossip, or a hick from some backwater that is not too keen on reading -not saying this is you, to be clear-, but it's worth noting that this drama was taken from a novel). The point being, here, that to go watch 24 episodes of this only to complain, as some people did -again, not saying this was you- is basically to look to be offended on purpose. Just like someone hating Korean BBQ going to eat to a Korean BBQ only to complain.
This should really be more than sufficient: even without changing anything else of one's outlook, the "don't like, don't watch" advice is pretty solid, when the age gap thing is so clearly indicated. To clarify, in one of your reviews you complained about some works containing infidelity. In that case, I did notice that the work was not tagged with the appropriate tags (I actually thanked you for pointing out this about the work before I watched it). In the case of this drama, it's not the case: the description, plot and actor list make it very clear who is going to end up in a relationship, so it's not about betraying expectations (I have to say, subverting expectations depending on how it's done might also be a positive for a given work): one gets exactly what was announced in terms of the relationship, so one can hardly complain about that if they choose to watch it. I would at most accept one being surprised by the 2nd couple (I do see that we are lacking the tag for that age gap Noona relationship), but the 1st couple? It's established pretty much from the 1st episode (and the poster, the description, the tags, the actor list, etc.). Now, while you didn't comment on this drama, I do see other reviews where you complained about age gaps in shows where it was clearly stated in the tags that there was going to be an age gap. Again, this to me is equivalent to complaining about a car having four wheels. It was announced, it was in the tags, it was in the description, there was a character list... it makes absolutely no sense to down vote or complain about a drama over something that was very clearly stated basically everywhere. This is essentially looking to be offended. I mean, it's at the level of looking up zombie movies and downvoting/complaining about there being walking dead people.
2. Other common sense: this is a relationship between two consenting adults, and it is galling and patronizing for a busybody -again, not saying this is you- to infantilize and deny agency to one of them. Furthermore, no brainwashing or anything of the sort had been going on, and any complaint in that respect is a ChatGPT worthy hallucination: surely for someone to legitimately complain about brainwashing, actual brainwashing should have occurred in the first place, otherwise what are we even talking about. Here, ML did not brainwash FL, full stop. It just didn't happen. More to the point, the notion that a woman in her particular condition would have to be concern herself with the opinion of busybodies -again, not you- and self sabotage her own happiness does not seem particularly sensible to me. This would also be true for any woman (or man), but life has a way of filtering out the inessential at certain moments.
3. Hot is hot. I mean, they are certainly not the only examples, but Clooney or Portia and Ellen are in a set that ML's actor definitely belonged to, which is one where the older partner is older, but undeniably hot. Corollary: actors had stunning visuals and amazing chemistry. Second corollary: they are acting, they are not really in a relationship. Not that it would be anyone's business who two adults choose to date: Tang Wei iirc had the same age gap with her husband as the one she had with ML's actor in Finding Mr. Right, etc. I mean, to be clear we have people like CZ Jones and M Douglas that have a 25y age gap, and have been together for 24y.
4. Sometimes it's not clear whether people realize that we are talking about realities that describe real people. Famous examples aside, if we want to distinguish between reality and the irrational and incoherent screeds of some "terminally online" people, even statistically speaking, in Western countries, around 8% of male-female couples have an age-gap of 10 years or more, rising to 25% in male-male unions and 15% of female-female relationships. For some the gap is even larger – data suggests that around 1% of heterosexual couples in the US have an age difference of 28 years or more. Half of the US population has been in a 10+ age gap relationship. Concretely speaking, we are talking about millions of married couples in a 20+ age gap relationship in the US alone. To criminalize and shame the consenting adults in such couples/marriages and make them feel wrong over the prejudices of busybodies -not you- wanting to discriminate against them seem repulsive to me. Nor would it be said delusional, pear clutching busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry.
5. The age gap is acknowledged in the drama and is actually instrumental to the plot. Not that I would have found it objectionable as if they had just brushed it off as "relationship between consenting adults, nothing to see here": I have seen other age gap dramas do that (I am a fan of Noona dramas myself - which I got a bit of in this drama in the form of the secondary couple).
6. Frankly, the fact of the matter is the vast majority of reviews and any mainstream article I read commented on the leads' amazing chemistry. I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray. Among other things, she made it so that FL had more economic power than ML, avoiding the classical "powerful CEO" trope.
7. As others commented, the main couple is not in the "type of power relation where one part is dependent on the other". I have to say that this is not true for the secondary couple, a Noona romance where the age gap was almost as large as the one for the main couple, but where the younger person started out as the older person's subordinate. Though, with the context of the "CEO plotline", that was no issue for me at all. I would say that in the US they culturally tend to frown on workplace relationships more than in other places (they are not a problem in Germany, in fact as Walmart discovered, the company trying to interfere in it is a problem, as per German courts), but I have to say that just citing the example of Gray's Anatomy, it's clear that this is not merely a question of "CEO plotline" in kdrama/cdramas. Again, to be clear, I had zero issues with the secondary couple, in terms of the age gap or power imbalance.
8. Tons of examples of dramas with comparable age gaps which were critically acclaimed and where there was a stark power imbalance. Thinking for example of Secret Love Affair, where the twenty year older partner also had the economic and educational future of their younger lover in their hands, pretty much the biggest power imbalance imaginable. Now, having read some of your other reviews, I do know that you are bothered by infidelity, and I have to say that I do share the squeamishness about the subject, so in than regard I do see how one could have an issue with Secret Love Affair in that regard, but as for the age gap? That was pretty much one of the major characteristic of the drama, so, there as in here, it was kind of the point, part of the plot, without it you would lose many of the conflicts and struggles the drama is about.
In short, though, I guess it comes down to the fact that, from celebrities to tons of regular couples, a lot of people with similar or even bigger age gaps live perfectly happy lives, and that to most people it would be galling to try to discriminate against them, or shame them over something that is none of their business and hurts literally no one else. Also an awareness that one's personal preference (or to be more precise prejudice) does not entitle them to dictate which consenting adult another consenting adult should find attractive, or want to sleep with or date. Plus the common sense to just avoid a drama if it is made perfectly clear that it contains an age gap relationship (and in this case it couldn't have been clearer), and the knowledge that it is just galling to try to shame someone that had no problem with it and liked it for liking it. Or an awareness of how ridiculous it would be go complain about something that you knew was going to be in the drama from the get go (tags, description, actor list, novel, etc.). It's basically the same reason well adjusted people don't go below BL dramas and try to shame the viewers for enjoying the drama (note the term "well adjusted"... if someone intentionally watched one of those dramas and then went to complain, I don't think they would deserve the appellation).
Quite frankly, I would turn the question around and say "how could anyone make a big deal" about it, regardless of the age gap: it's clearly spelled out, nobody is forcing anyone to watch it, if one does and then goes under the comment section of the drama to complain and try to shame people for liking it, then the one whose behavior should be questioned should surely be the latter. If in real life they tried to harass a couple in an age gap romance, be it a famous one (Ellen and Portia, etc.), or one of the tons of regular people, still, the question and the one who imho would have a problem and something to answer for would be the one bothering and trying to shame people and try to get them to force them to adopt their relationship preferences. Among other things (and there are many other things), the sheer arrogance to think they would know better than the people involved, or be in any position to pontificate about something as complex as a specific human relationship based on their arbitrary metrics, is baffling. And to try to shame and make people feel wrong about something that is only their business and doesn't hurt anyone else is not a good look
Very recently we had kind of a similar example with netizens commenting on the age of the FL in Crash Course in Romance... and yes, she is much older than ML and looks much older as well. But is such an age difference really something appropriate to shame someone over? I mean, not like it wasn't clear from the beginning who the couple was going to be. I guess I just don't understand how one could stand on the pulpit and cast shame on people for doing something that is their business and only their business, and that literally doesn't hurt anyone else. With completely undeserved self righteousness and moral superiority, to boot, when their exact opposite should be the only appropriate attitude. It's not a good look. I mean, if I was caught harassing two adults who never did anything to hurt anyone else, for the crime of liking each other, I wouldn't know how far of a hole to dig in the ground to crawl into in utter shame.
I mean, I do think that the people throwing around words such as "disgusting" to describe the love between two adults that are not hurting anyone else would be able to do so only due to anonymity, be it in the form of a mob in real life or pseudonyms online, or they would be just utterly shameless. To be frank, I would like to see how many of the people criticizing anyone from Clooney, to the ML in this drama (who was utterly hot), to FL in Crash Course in Romance, look like themselves -not talking about you, to be clear... but some of the stuff I have read, particularly against the FL in Crash Course in Romance, was pretty disgusting-... I would go out on a limb and say that people that insult others' appearance or age online are not bound to be supermodel material themselves, no matter if they are young or old. Not like the average young male is hotter than Clooney, or this drama's ML. I mean, such attractive people are not exactly as common as cabbages. Same with a Monica Bellucci, etc. I do have that level of self awareness, at least -again, not talking about you-.
I do realize that in the case of the drama, these comments are few and far in between, will have no impact on the critical acclaim of the work, and will never be seen, let alone hurt, the actors involved. But it does make me fear that such people would be as judgmental of a real life couple in a similar situation, and certainly for the viewers it is not pleasant to be shamed and be exposed to language such as "disgusting", etc. about actors that they presumably enjoyed watching -basically trying to shame and make them feel bad about something they enjoyed-. I do really think that it is kind of crazy that one would think that they have the right to pass judgment on consenting adults they know nothing about based on something as arbitrary as their age, let alone their physical appearance (which also happened in Crash Course in Romance).
Nancy McDonie's review, where she says:
"""Here we go with the 'grooming' tid bit, have you watched the drama or even the clips. SHE CHASES HIM. As for the Summer-winter affair it means a short lived romance hopefully ending well as the summer heat comes into the arsh winter realities. The story is beyond the age factor. For all of you saying 'ick' factor there are many females who never clicked with a younger man. This female character actually decided who her man is and took assertive action to remind him and wake him up to their past and future. He pushed her away several times. I admit there are many cheesy dramas with child-like females but this is not one of them. No deceptive plots no wicked jealous second lead no temper tantrums or getting back at the other person.
Beautiful drama. 10/10 """
Agreed, and this pretty much lines up with OP's review.
Some relevant bits of the response:
"""Agreed, it's just common sense: we are talking about a relationship between two consenting adults (and I find the infantilization by busybodies absolutely offensive and patronizing, denying the character's agency). Furthermore, no brainwashing or anything of the sort had been going on, and any complaint in that respect is a ChatGPT worthy hallucination: surely for someone to legitimately complain about brainwashing, actual brainwashing should have occurred in the first place, otherwise what are we even talking about. Here, ML did not brainwash FL, full stop. It just didn't happen.
I mean, to be clear, without even bringing up actors such as Clooney or Portia and Ellen, and looking at the "older but absolutely attractive" specimens which certainly ML's actor belongs to (I mean, hot is hot ;)), even for regular people, if we look even at the actual statistics, half of Americans have been in a 10+ age gap relationship, and there are millions of married couples in the US alone with a 20+ age gap... to criminalize and shame the consenting adults in such couples/marriages and make them feel wrong over the prejudices of busybodies wanting to discriminate against them seem repulsive to me. Nor would it be said delusional, pear clutching busybodies' place to dictate to consenting adults which other consenting adults they should or shouldn't find attractive and want to sleep with, or date, or marry.
Also, the age gap is acknowledged in the drama and is actually instrumental to the plot. Not that I would have found it objectionable as if they had just brushed it off as "relationship between consenting adults, nothing to see here": I have seen other age gap dramas do that (I am a fan of Noona dramas myself - which I got a bit of in this drama in the form of the secondary couple).
That said, I must admit that I saw essentially no complaint about the age gap in this drama (either for the main couple or secondary couple): on the contrary, I saw in various mainstream articles that the drama is beloved, particularly by female viewers, and I must admit that it has a much more mature take on female desire, etc., as the writer/director said she wanted to portray."""
The bit about the depiction of ML was interesting to focus on.
Also relevant:
"""Apart from that, this is all the more absurd because the age gap is spelled out very, very clearly in the Drama description, in the tags, the actors that are going the main leads and the fact that this is going to be a romance is clear from the beginning, so if someone has a problem with this due to some irrational hang up, and is still going to watch all the drama and complain about that, we are essentially talking about someone that was looking, and going out of their way, to be offended. It's like someone that hated flowers going to a flower shop and complaining they are selling flowers, or someone buying a car and complaining it has four wheels rather than two, or going to the middle of the Swiss Alps, and complaining the chalet is not a beach front house... If someone did that, they would be immediately disqualifying themselves."""
Fundamentally, to make an example, I don't enjoy BL dramas, but you will never find me under BL dramas' comment sections screaming about it being "disgusting", because 1) I don't believe it is disgusting, just because I don't personally enjoy it, and 2) I have enough theory of mind to understand that shaming people for what they life is inappropriate.
I mean, this is not a case where expectations were betrayed, the description and tags and actor list couldn't have been more clear regarding what the show was going to be about.