misometry

Imperfectly perfect, and I might die on this hill

I fell in love with the story and the cast right off the bat but I was waiting until the finale to write a review. Here I am... Many people seem disappointed? But unexpectedly, the ending of this series might be one of my most favourite finales EVER.

We had three storylines, all telling different but interlinked narratives. One ended in tragedy but with an implied alternate happy ending, one ended in bittersweet happiness that may or may not result in tragedy in the future, and the last one was a beautiful, innocent, and incredibly human happy ending.

Were there a lot of unanswered questions about the Nour lore? Yes. But the existential questions this series threw at us left me so speechless that I will happily swallow not having all the answers.

I found it very spiritual and symbolic. I think I'd describe it as imperfectly perfect? From the get-go, I couldn't imagine what a happy ending would look like for the characters.

But those saying that Ken will now live immortal suffering sort of missed the point. Yes, he was turned against his will by his true love's selfish (desperate, and very human) sacrifice because he wanted Ken to live on. Whether that was or wasn't a past life of James remains up in the air, but I don't think that necessarily matters. From that point on, Ken stopped living. His driving force in life had been love, and as that was stripped from him unwillingly, his goal in life became death. For 200 years, he wasn't trying to live. In fact, he was purposefully stopping himself from living. But as James entered his life and brought with him all these small, fleeting joys, he unconsciously started shifting his views. Even as James lay there, about to die, Ken chose to accept that this impermanent love, or even just the colourful memories of it, made life worth living. It was the acceptance that nothing lasts forever that freed Ken from the shackles he had placed himself in.

And yes, James was being selfish. He was human. He didn't want to lose his true love despite wanting to keep his humanity, an impossible equation. Towards the end of the series, however, he slowly but surely started to learn how to let go. As he lay there dying, I think he regretted forcing his own beliefs on Ken. He allowed Ken his choice. In fact, he tried to change his mind back. And then, stubbornly, I think James changed his own mind. I think about that line "I want to live" a lot. I wonder if, in some uncertain future, James may change his mind about becoming a Nour. After surviving his near-death experience and being abandoned by Ken, it seemed he started seeing more of Ken's previous perspective. The scene where he stood on the rooftop contemplating jumping may have been the best example of that. He himself was thinking life wasn't worth living, even if only for a second - a thought that had never crossed his mind before.

I think the most beautiful part of this series was the fact we went from a montage of Ken's su!c!de attempts in Episode 1 to ending the show with Ken choosing to live for himself, no matter the impermanence.

As for Jirat and Chita, their story wrapped up so beautifully. Both became Nours against their will, both became monsters that were total opposites of just how vulnerable they had been as humans. Chita's own obsession with painting himself as the only victim turned him into a serial killer - someone Jirat could not recognise. I think Jirat didn't even necessarily struggle with his own new Nour life as much as he did with the fact that the love of his life was not someone he recognised; someone who would willingly and without any hesitance kill others. I thought their ending of escaping their dark immortality to regain their uncertain humanity was the perfect ending for them. I loved the implication of their rebirth / their alternate selves.

Rain and Panin were my pain relief medicine. Perhaps their struggles seemed smaller when slated against those of the existential dilemmas the other two couples were suffering through, but they were very, very human. While the world around the two of them was burning and crumbling, the two of them grew closer. Panin had been immensely traumatised by witnessing his brother's su!c!de attempt and was likely associating falling in love with emotional turmoil and pain. His growth from someone too scared to open up to someone willing to show his fears and admit his feelings was peak storytelling for me. These two innocent boys wrote their own love story against all the chaos around them. It was so pure and such a contrast to the other characters.

I understand those who may be disappointed by the lack of concrete answers on the lore. I do.

But at the same time, and oddly enough, I am more than satisfied with never finding out. What started as a vampire BL story turned into a rollercoaster of questioning life, immortality, sacrifice, love, and so much more. It's not perfect, and yet... it was perfect for me.

P.S. All the actors delivered incredible performances, but I HAVE to shout out Boss and Tongtong for their absolutely amazing chemistry. I joked to a friend that Tongtong was a pretty crier - not realising that by the end of the show he (and I) would have cried a river. Boss and Tongtong delivered some of the most emotionally intense, most heartbreaking scenes I had seen in a while. Watching these two amazing actors cry in their episode reaction videos just showed how empathetic they were and how deeply they felt for their characters.

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