The King of Haoling did so because he anticipated that CX would go to war with Haoling and he didn't want XY to…
In XY's defence, if she figured out why XL was pushing her away coldly it would rather defeat his purpose. So, IMO, he had to try to do it in a way (or to a degree) that would not let her catch on to his reasons for acting that way.
Thank you for posting this. It's annoying as heck to see this scene butchered. Especially given some the scenes…
You're welcome! Yes, I was very sad to see how much of the original scene was not kept, especially given how many changes will be made to the remaining chapters in the remaining episodes. Thankfully liddi's translations of the leaked script helped prepare us for it.
King of Haolin knew beforw that Xiaoyao isnt his daughter. Pleasw explain meWhy he rejected her now ?
The King of Haoling did so because he anticipated that CX would go to war with Haoling and he didn't want XY to be torn between her loyalty to him and her loyalty to CX.
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Chapter 40:
The Grand Emperor reached out his hand. “Xiao Yao, I remember when you were small. Every night you would sit in front of the court steps with your eyes staring ahead until you saw me. Then you would happily run towards me and into my arms. That was the happiest part of my day because you loved me not for my power or anything else, but because I was your Dad. I loved and coddled you because you were my daughter, even if I didn’t promise your mom or if I didn’t know your uncles, I would still have loved and treated you the same. Don’t be mad at the cold way I’ve pushed you away. I just didn’t want you to feel torn between [Cang Xuan] and me.”
Xiao Yao tightly gripped the Grand Emperor’s hand as if fearing losing him again “I know….I understood it deep down….I wasn’t angry at you.”
Why are you pissed? In the novel she came with this idea for delaying her marriage to jing herself, without anyone…
@blabla100 I agree.
I haven't watched this scene yet, but if XY delayed choosing a wedding date because of CX's intervention, that seems more pro-YaoJing than the corresponding scenes in the novel, where XY chose (without anyone else intervening) to delay her wedding to TSJ until after she finished working on the medical texts, which took her 42 years.
In the novel, I felt that the version of TSJ that she really wanted to marry was YSQ and that she was hesitant to enter the Tushan household and to have to take on the role of the Tushan clan leader's wife. And also that she was hesitant about leaving CX's side, as things would not be the same between them after she was married. So she enjoyed her 42 year engagement where she got to see both CX and TSJ all the time (and kept busy with a project she was passionate about) without having to leave CX just yet or deal with Tushan clan politics. I appreciated that TSJ didn't rush her during that time, even though he wanted to marry her as soon as possible.
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Chapter 38:
The Yellow Emperor asked Xiao Yao about her thoughts for the wedding date.
Xiao Yao glanced out the window at the busy doctors and said, “I want to have more progress on the medical text first before setting a wedding date.”
The Yellow Emperor reminded her, “That will take more than two or three years. Are you sure?”
Xiao Yao nodded. “The Sheng Nong Herb Manual has been in my possession for the last four hundred years and saved my life countless times. I’ve never done anything for it or better said that I want to do something for the Flame Emperor who sacrificed his life to write it. The text that he used his entire life to write, I don’t want it to be used by doctors simply to make money or gain fame.”
The Yellow Emperor sighed “Xiao Yao, you keep saying you’re not like your mom but you are actually just like your mom!”
Xiao Yao furrowed her brows “I’m not like her at all!”
The Yellow Emperor laughed “Fine, you’re not like her!”
That night Zhuan Xu came to Xiao Yue Peak and heard Xiao Yao’s decision on the wedding date and smiled. “That works.”
Likely due to the engagement with Jing, Xiao Yao realized that her time on Xiao Yue Peak with Zhuan Xu was finite rather than forever. With the battle between Xuan Yuan and Gao Xing taking on losses for both sides but Xiao Yao didn’t personally know anyone who died and she didn’t find out the details of the war, she felt it so far removed from her so she stopped avoiding Zhuan Xu.
The two of them resumed their old ways hanging out. Every night Zhuan Xu would come and chat happily with Xiao Yao as they hung out.
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Chapter 41:
Xiao Yao kneeled down. “We have not let Your Majesty down. The compendium of medical texts took 42 years to complete with the involvement of hundreds of doctors gathering herbs and testing out the treatments.
...
With this project completed, Xiao Yao’s busy life suddenly ended and she was so excited to do nothing again. She decided to go to Xuan Yuan Mountain to pay a visit to the White Emperor.
...
Back to Sheng Nong Mountain, Xiao Yao felt odd now that she had nothing to do. She discussed with Jing “Shall we go to Zhe Province to open a clinic?”
Jing said, “How about open a clinic in Qing Qiu?”
“But Zhe Province is closer, Qing Qiu is farther away and a hassle making a trip daily.”
“If you lived in Qing Qiu, then it would be close and convenient.”
“What? Me live in Qing Qiu?” It took Xiao Yao a few moments to understand as Jing laughed “The Tu Shan residence in Qing Qiu is all arranged and ready for a wedding.”
Xiao Yao’s face gradually turned red as Jing took her hand “Xiao Yao, let’s get married! From the moment we got engaged I’ve been looking forward to marrying you.”
Xiao Yao’s heart surged with sweetness as she lightly nodded her head.
With her agreement, that night Jing discussed the wedding plans with the Yellow Emperor and the Black Emperor.
The top five XL-related things from chapter 35 of the novel that I was sad to see were not included in episode 10/11:
(1) XY lamenting that, as Chi You's daughter, there was no place in the world for her (i.e., once again she felt like she had "nowhere to go"), XL comforting her by reminding her that the ocean would always have a place for her, and XY feeling that, with that reminder, she had found a sliver of calm in the storm she was experiencing.
(2) Although the feelings in her heart were jumbled, XY understood what XL said about choosing to fight with his comrades, just as she understood why her uncle chose to die on the battlefield with his comrades.
(3) Since XL was dressed in black and his hair was completely covered by his black hood, he looking like FFB for a moment, making XY feel that she was nearly torn again before a strand of white hair escaped from his hood, reminding her of who he was. So she stroked his hair, reminded him that it was not safe for him to stay, and told him to hurry off after paying his respects to Lirong Ji.
(4) XL seeing himself reflected clearly in XY's eyes, XL covering XY's eyes, and XL giving her the ghost of a kiss on her forehead before departing, leaving XY in a daze for a long time, repeating to herself "mistaken illusion!"
(5) TSJ making it easier for XL to evade CX's guards, XL thanking TSJ for his help, and TSJ thanking XL for comforting XY.
I'd say that most fans agree that she only had platonic (albeit very strong) love for CX in her heart. But there…
For me, CX was more frustrating than XL or TSJ so he is not my favourite, but his story does still pull on my heartstrings and I can understand why he is some fans' favourite.
Why CX need attack Haoling? Can he just marry A Nian and peacefully unite 2 kingdoms? Inst it will happen in the…
Chapter 40:
Xiao Yao felt all the dark clouds lifting and smiled. “Dad, since you already wanted to give the throne to Zhuan Xu, why not tell him? Why make him into the smaller person and have to attack Gao Xing?”
The Grand Emperor explained, “I may have reached this decision and the people of Gao Xing may be able to accept any ruler as long as he brings peace and prosperity. But Zhuan Xu is right in pointing out the court officials would never agree to it and I can’t influence such a powerful faction alone. Zhuan Xu needs to use his might to make them obey at the tip of the sword, where they are faced with loss or gain before they will all accept. Like the Bai Hu and Chang Yi tribes, haven’t they already accepted Zhuan Xu as their Emperor after weighing their pros and cons?”
I'd say that most fans agree that she only had platonic (albeit very strong) love for CX in her heart. But there…
Ah, I think I should clarify my personal view for the record. ^^”
Personally, I think XY probably did not have romantic feelings for CX or view him as something other than family when they reconnected as adults. But I think it’s possible that she might have developed such feelings for him if their story had played out differently. You mentioned some of the reasons why.
And I also think that there is a bit of room for interpretation, so if another fan felt like XY maybe did have romantic feelings for CX at some point I could see how they would be able to arrive at that interpretation.
Edit: I’ll add that I can’t really picture XY being happy living in a palace and dealing with palace politics for the rest of her life. But I think she might have been able to have a happy life if she led a normal life with CX where she was a doctor and he was a wine maker, if the circumstances were right.
I'd say that most fans agree that she only had platonic (albeit very strong) love for CX in her heart. But there…
You're welcome!
Yes, unfortunately the only way to convey the nuance in a way that let's you, as the reader, decide how to interpret the meaning (instead of just telling you one interpretation of it or telling you to read the whole novel) is to copy some of the relevant excerpts directly for you to read and assess for yourself.
Question to those who read the novel. Does Xiaoyao have any romantic feelings for Cangxuan without her realizing…
I'd say that most fans agree that she only had platonic (albeit very strong) love for CX in her heart. But there are some moments in the novel that create some very slight ambiguity.
As a child, XY promised CX that she would marry him and they would be together forever.
When CX got married for the first time, XY had no happiness in her heart. She felt that this wedding of his was not what she had envisioned, and she recalled the promise she made as a child to marry him.
When it was confirmed that CX was going to marry Xing Yue and make her his Empress, XY felt like she was losing CX. When she thought about it, her heart hurt and she had trouble sleeping. Somewhat similar to some of the heartache and sleeplessness she experienced after losing TSJ.
When CX finally admitted to his feelings for XY, she cried and was afraid to be alone with him. She felt that she could not give him what he wanted. However, when XY found out that CX was responsible for TSJ's death, she was devastated because she considered CX to be her closest person. Someone she treated as one and the same as herself. Someone she would give anything to, even her life. Someone she had opened her heart to long before she opened her heart to TSJ. Perhaps all of that was only ever 100% purely platonic. Or perhaps there was a little bit of unacknowledged romantic feeling at some point along the way.
So there is maybe just enough slight ambiguity that if any reader really wanted XY to have had some romantic feelings for CX at some point (or they at least wanted to feel that she might have chosen to marry him if their circumstances had played out differently), they could concievably make a case for it to themselves.
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From chapter 38 of the novel:
When he met Xiao Yao for the first time, they didn’t get along at all. He was a boy but he couldn’t beat the rough and tumble Xiao Yao in a fight. He even tried to be sly and find a way to get rid of her. But gradually the two of them played together and when his parents both died it was Xiao Yao who kept him company every night. When he had nightmares it was Xiao Yao who kissed him on the forehead and vowed, “I will be with you forever.” He didn’t believe her. “You’ll get married eventually and leave me.” She hurriedly said, “I won’t marry anyone else, I will marry you and never leave you.”
From Five Gods Mountain to Xuan Yuan Mountain, from Xuan Yuan Mountain to Sheng Nong Mountain, Xiao Yao accompanied him each step of the way. No matter what happened, no matter what state he was in, she resolutely stood beside him. When Yu Jiang tried to assassinate him, it was Xiao Yao who used her body to shield him. When he was in the hidden chamber detoxing from the drugs, it was Xiao Yao who endured the agony with him and was willing to be injured but wouldn’t use Jin Xuan’s suggestion to tie him up. She knew that if she suggested it then he would do it…..
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From chapter 26 of the novel:
Seeing [Cang Xuan] getting married, Xiao Yao plastered a smile on her face but had no happiness in her heart. They stumbled, they fell, they drifted, they fought, along the way her and [Cang Xuan] both grew up and now he was getting married. But this wedding wasn’t what Xiao Yao had envisioned.
In her memories: her Eldest Uncle’s wedding to the Sheng Nong Kingdom’s Princess was a lavish ceremony. She and [Cang Xuan] got in a fight, he said a married daughter was like water splashed outside. She remembered later her Fourth Auntie committing suicide, [Cang Xuan]’s nightly nightmares, her comfort that she would forever be with him. [Cang Xuan] said she would marry one day and leave him, she innocently said that she wouldn’t marry another, she would marry him.
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From chapter 30 of the novel:
Xiao Yao returned to her residence and laid down on her pallet but couldn’t sleep. When she lost Jing she felt that she still had [Cang Xuan] and no matter what happened she would never lose him.
But tonight she felt for the first time that she was gradually losing [Cang Xuan].
Years ago they held hands and walked up Cao Yun Peak, facing adversity that did not defeat them or make them give up on each other. But now they reached the end, there were so many things and people gradually forming between them that it naturally split them apart. It wasn’t that one wanted to leave the other or the other stopped caring, it was life being so merciless and unwittingly leading them to this point.
Xiao Yao felt her heart constricting tightly so she sat up and took deep breaths. It started with being sleepless but over time she seemed to have developed a heart problem. She knew Xiang Liu was being bothered by her right now.
All these years in the deep dark of the night, when she was at her most painful to endure moments, knowing someone was experiencing the same feeling made her feel she wasn’t alone. It made her feel like he was right there keeping her company and it comforted her a lot.
In the poison packages she sent him, she wrote in a letter apologizing for disturbing him and reminding him to go to Jiu Li with her when he had time. But Xiang Liu never replied and Xiao Yao didn’t dare mention it a second time.
Xiao Yao clutched her heart and slowly laid back down. After laying for a long time, she slowly fell asleep.
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From chapter 45 of the novel:
Xing Yue glared at Xiao Yao, her face exploding with hatred. “Xiao Yao, how dare you say you didn’t take anything from me? Everything I want, you have it! Now it’s only this much, what will happen when the day you want to be the Empress arrives?”
Xiao Yao angrily retorted, “You’re insane! I….I….how could I ever want to be the Empress?” Xing Yue laughed loudly. “I’m crazy? I’m the most sane person around! His Majesty sees you as important as his life, you are willing to risk your life for His Majesty! Now that Jing is dead, one day you’ll realize that you and His Majesty…”
“Shut up! Shut up!”
“Shut up!”
The first two were Xiao Yao screaming out, but the final “shut up” came from [Cang Xuan]. He was standing at the door coldly staring at Xing Yue before calmly walking inside.
...
[Cang Xuan] said to Left Ear, “You’re dismissed.”
Xiao Yao yelled, “No!” She was scared right now to be alone with [Cang Xuan].
[Cang Xuan] didn’t insist and instead sat on the pallet and silently stared at Xiao Yao. She looked left and right, like so many things around her was interesting, and did everything she could not to look at [Cang Xuan]. He was the opposite, he just stared at Xiao Yao like she was the only thing left in the entire world.
[Cang Xuan] didn’t speak, like he could be this way until the end of time. Xiao Yao licked her lips and said awkwardly “Xing Yue is mistaken, I…..you….it’s impossible! She must have misunderstood!”
“If you think she’s spouting nonsense then why fret over it?” [Cang Xuan]’s voice was calm without a ripple.
Xiao Yao felt a weight lifting and smiled towards [Cang Xuan], who continued to stare unblinking at her. In the darkness of his eyes there were two little hers, and an endless abyss of sadness like the darkest of night. Xiao Yao was scared, she wanted to run or hide, but she was caught up in that never ending darkness with no place to run or ride. She tried to smile and make things go back to the way it was.
Xiao Yao frantically said, “Xing Yue said I was the only woman on Sheng Nong Mountain who can see you every day. But she’s wrong because you come to Xiao Yue Peak every day to pay your respects to Grandfather. She said I spent the most time with you but she’s wrong, Xiao Xiao spends the most time with you! She says I can call you by your first name, but that’s also wrong since Ah Nian also calls you [Cang Xuan] gege. Xing Yue said I dared to hit you but that wasn’t my fault! You attacked Gao Xing and I’ve been a Gao Xing princess for hundreds of years. I can’t be expected to not react. As for the hem drying and shoe carrying, it’s really nothing since you did stuff like that for me when we were kids, but now you’re the Emperor so everyone is watching is all! I’ll be aware from now on and won’t let you do stuff like that…”
Xiao Yao’s voice started to quiver and her body was shaking, the smile on her face turning pitiful as if pleading with [Cang Xuan] to agree with what she said, to agree that Xing Yue was mistaken.
[Cang Xuan] didn’t accede to Xiao Yao’s plea, he looked down instead and stopped staring at Xiao Yao. So Xiao Yao grabbed her crutch and got up to run away.
[Cang Xuan]’s voice rose to break the silence. “When I heard Xing Yue, Feng Long, and Chang came to see you, I hurried here and arrived just in time to hear you ask Xing Yue why she wanted to kill you. I knew the answer and could have stopped her from answering, but I did nothing and allowed her to say it.”
[Cang Xuan] sighed painfully. “Xing Yue wanted to kill you which made me enraged, but as I listened to her talking I actually grew grateful towards her. The secret has been hidden inside for so long, and I’ve done so many heartless things, you wouldn’t believe it, the whole world wouldn’t even believe it, and even I sometimes think about how absurd it all is. Yet there was one person who saw the truth! So in the eyes of one person out there, I am so, so good to you. The Black Emperor [Cang Xuan] isn’t such a heartless person!”
[Cang Xuan] continued, “Xiao Yao, I thought that I could wait, I could wait as long as it takes for you to turn around and see me. But the more I wait, the more I lose hope. I’m so afraid you’ll never look back, or when you look back you’ll see someone else who isn’t me! You can see Feng Long wanting to marry you, you can see Jing being good to you, you can see how charming and interesting Fang Feng Bei is, but in your eyes you see me arranging for you to date other men, agreeing for you to marry other men, and even doing so with a smile on my face. I did it not just once, but twice……..”
Xiao Yao’s legs buckled and she weakly sat back down on the pallet, the crutch falling from her hand and landing with a resounding thud.
[Cang Xuan] kneeled down before Xiao Yao and placed the crutch to the side. “Every time I took a new wife, I forbade you from congratulating me. I am Xuan Yuan [Cang Xuan], from the moment my mom committed suicide this is the path I chose. I cannot say no to the marriage alliances. I can’t tell people I don’t want it, that I hate it! My only consolation is you not congratulating me. I decided that if I didn’t get your congratulations, then it means every wedding didn’t have your consent, and without your consent then it doesn’t count!” [Cang Xuan] smiled pitifully “Isn’t it laughable? The whole world sees it, but I still don’t think any of it counts, because none of the weddings got your consent!”
Xiao Yao’s eyes teared up as she remembered [Cang Xuan]’s reaction before each marriage. [Cang Xuan] said “In Xuan Yuan Castle, you laughed about me being so different from my parents. They only had each other in their entire lives, while I was marrying woman after woman. Then I thought I was really different from them, not because I have a lot of women, but because I knew I only wanted you yet was willing to give up that love to succeed! I even saw you smiling with Jing and being okay with it since we were still alive, and that was all that mattered. As long as you didn’t end up like Grandmother, Auntie or my mom, crying and in pain, then nothing else mattered! No matter if I had other women or you have other men, it didn’t matter at all! But later I realized I was still their son and just like them, I didn’t just want to stay alive, I wanted to stay alive with you! I want to welcome the dawn every morning with you, I want to have dinner every night after coming home from working hard, I want to build swings for you and push you on the swing, I want to plant phoenix trees for you, to watch the flowers bloom on it, to suck the honey out of the petals, to talk to you, to see you smile, to hear you sing…”
“Don’t say anymore!” Xiao Yao shut her eyes painfully as her tears continued to fall.
[Cang Xuan] remained kneeling before Xiao Yao and placed his arms on the pallet to look up at her. “You once sincerely wished that I would find the woman I want to marry. I already found her. Xiao Yao, I know you haven’t forgotten Jing, but I can wait. I am willing to wait until your emotional wounds have healed, until you are willing to marry me. I won’t ask that you forget Jing, I just want you to give a part of your heart to me. I just want a little bit, a tiny little portion, so that we can spend the remaining days of our lives together.”
[Cang Xuan]’s position was very subservient and his words pleading and pitiful. In his entire life, he always courageously fought for what he wanted, never then did he beg with such a low demeanor.
Xiao Yao continued to cry, not sure what she was crying about – that she loved but could not have, or that [Cang Xuan]’s love all these years could not have.
“Xiao Yao, don’t cry!” [Cang Xuan] wanted to comfort Xiao Yao, but didn’t know how to right now. He just tried to guess her feelings. “Xiao Yao, don’t cry, don’t cry… nothing has changed, only that you know I want to marry you. I’m not asking you to accept me, I’m willing to wait, even wait until we die, none of that matters to me…”
Xiao Yao flopped on the pallet, crying even more loudly.
[Cang Xuan] grew silent. He knew things had changed, and it was because he wanted more from her. [Cang Xuan] said painfully, “Xiao Yao, don’t hate me! I love you, that’s not wrong!”
Xiao Yao’s face was smushed on the pallet so her expression wasn’t visible but her crying decreased and she said, “I don’t hate you, I just don’t know… don’t know what to do… you go back now. I want to be alone.”
[Cang Xuan]’s hand reached out instinctively to comfort Xiao Yao but he pulled back, silently getting up and walking out with heavy steps.
Xiao Yao heard from his footsteps - a never before heard weight. She knew that she wasn’t the only person hurting right now. [Cang Xuan] hurt more than she did, he was even more sad. Xiao Yao started to cry harder again, once they were each other’s only support and comfort. Who knew they would be hurting each other today?
Xiao Yao didn’t want to have to avoid [Cang Xuan], like he said it wasn’t wrong for him to like her. But at the moment she didn’t know how to face him, so she tried her hardest to avoid him. When he came to Xiao Yue Peak, Xiao Yao would plaster herself next to the Yellow Emperor.
[Cang Xuan] understood what she was doing so he didn’t force her, nor did he let it go. He was still the same, coming to Xiao Yue Peak every day, talking with the Yellow Emperor and taking tea.
Gradually Xiao Yao became less nervous, and as long as neither brought it up, they easily fell back to the way they interacted.
One night, [Cang Xuan] chatted with the Yellow Emperor for a bit and was taking his leave when he noticed the moon was exceptionally bright. He turned to Xiao Yao. “Haven’t been to the phoenix tree forest in some time, take a walk with me.”
“I’m turning in.” The sun had just set and even Xiao Yao felt this excuse was beyond lame. [Cang Xuan] said nothing, silently looking at Xiao Yao for a moment before walking out of the courtyard headed to the phoenix tree forest alone. His figure seemed especially lonesome.
Xiao Yao watched his figure disappear into the phoenix tree forest like it was gradually being swallowed by the night, just like she was also being swallowed by the night, with no hope and no comfort.
Xiao Yao stood there in a daze for some time before bolting out of the residence and running towards the phoenix tree forest.
Xiao Yao stood under the phoenix tree bent over breathing heavily while looking around in dismay. “[Cang Xuan]! [Cang Xuan]…” There was no answer and no sign of anyone, [Cang Xuan] had already left.
Xiao Yao slowly sat down on the grass and wrapped her arms around her knees, burying her head in her lap. She felt sad, and confused, because the things [Cang Xuan] wanted she couldn’t give him.
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From chapter 47 of the novel:
“I want to know the truth. [Cang Xuan], did you send people to help Tu Shan Hou?”
[Cang Xuan] wanted to deny it but his pride wouldn’t allow him to, so he said after a pause, “It was me!”
“It was you!” Xiao Yao thought she had experienced every type of pain in the world, but who knew the most painful thing in the world was the person you love taking a knife and carving out your heart. Every part of Xiao Yao hurt, her insides, her bones, her skin, her head, none of the pain she experienced in the past could hold a candle to this. She was in such pain she wanted to die. Xiao Yao closed her eyes, unable to look at [Cang Xuan]. “Get out!”
...
Xiao Yao felt unsettled, like [Cang Xuan] was suddenly unfamiliar to her, or maybe it was that [Cang Xuan] to her, they laughed when happy, he carried her when she tired, he teased her when she pouted, he was a shoulder for her to lean on when she was in need, he could handle everything when she was in peril.
In Xiao Yao’s heart, [Cang Xuan] was the closest person to her, so much so that she didn’t differentiate between him and her. If he wanted something then she would give her life to help him achieve it. From Five Gods Mountain to Xuan Yuan Mountain, from Xuan Yuan Mountain to Sheng Nong Mountain, whatever she had [Cang Xuan] could have it, including her life. She always thought [Cang Xuan] treated her the same way, that if she wanted something [Cang Xuan] would get it for her, that if she treasured something [Cang Xuan] would treasure it too.
But it was just her wishful thinking! So was she simply wrong about [Cang Xuan], or had he changed?
...
[Cang Xuan]’s tears fell and Xiao Yao saw it and smiled. “Gege, [Cang Xuan]…….I……..I forgive you! It’s too hard to hate you…….worse than cutting my own heart to pieces……I forgive you…….”
[Cang Xuan] cried, “Xiao Yao, tell me! If we could do it all over again and I held you close after we reunited on Five Gods Mountain, with no chance for Jing to get close to you, would you have picked me?”
Xiao Yao was about to pass out but [Cang Xuan]’s words took her back to the very beginning and it was as clear as yesterday, “When I was locked up in the cage by the nine-tailed fox, all I could think of was you…..all I missed was you….when you didn’t recognize me, I still used my life to save you…….back then…….there was no Jing yet………..” Xiao Yao’s voice trailed off.
[Cang Xuan] cried out, “Xiao Yao! Xiao Yao!………..” but he could feel only silence as her breathing ceased.
On Cao Yun Peak, they played during the day and slept in each other’s arms at night. They buried and said farewell to their loved ones, they endured the pain together……….Xiao Yao said her heart had turned cold into stone, but he remained the most precious treasure that Xiao Yao kept deep in her heart, in the softest most secure place. When Jing said he would give first and trust first to try and win Xiao Yao’s heart, Xiao Yao had already done the same for [Cang Xuan]. She didn’t like politics or care about the greater good, but she accompanied him back to Xuan Yuan Mountain and always protected him…..
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From chapter 49 of the novel:
Xiao Yao’s eyes followed [Cang Xuan] until his form disappeared from sight, as if watching the most important and precious part of her life vanish forever. Her body trembled and ached from the pain in her heart so she grabbed her chest with one hand as she leaned on Jing’s body for support.
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Chapter 40:
The Grand Emperor reached out his hand. “Xiao Yao, I remember when you were small. Every night you would sit in front of the court steps with your eyes staring ahead until you saw me. Then you would happily run towards me and into my arms. That was the happiest part of my day because you loved me not for my power or anything else, but because I was your Dad. I loved and coddled you because you were my daughter, even if I didn’t promise your mom or if I didn’t know your uncles, I would still have loved and treated you the same. Don’t be mad at the cold way I’ve pushed you away. I just didn’t want you to feel torn between [Cang Xuan] and me.”
Xiao Yao tightly gripped the Grand Emperor’s hand as if fearing losing him again “I know….I understood it deep down….I wasn’t angry at you.”
I haven't watched this scene yet, but if XY delayed choosing a wedding date because of CX's intervention, that seems more pro-YaoJing than the corresponding scenes in the novel, where XY chose (without anyone else intervening) to delay her wedding to TSJ until after she finished working on the medical texts, which took her 42 years.
In the novel, I felt that the version of TSJ that she really wanted to marry was YSQ and that she was hesitant to enter the Tushan household and to have to take on the role of the Tushan clan leader's wife. And also that she was hesitant about leaving CX's side, as things would not be the same between them after she was married. So she enjoyed her 42 year engagement where she got to see both CX and TSJ all the time (and kept busy with a project she was passionate about) without having to leave CX just yet or deal with Tushan clan politics. I appreciated that TSJ didn't rush her during that time, even though he wanted to marry her as soon as possible.
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Chapter 38:
The Yellow Emperor asked Xiao Yao about her thoughts for the wedding date.
Xiao Yao glanced out the window at the busy doctors and said, “I want to have more progress on the medical text first before setting a wedding date.”
The Yellow Emperor reminded her, “That will take more than two or three years. Are you sure?”
Xiao Yao nodded. “The Sheng Nong Herb Manual has been in my possession for the last four hundred years and saved my life countless times. I’ve never done anything for it or better said that I want to do something for the Flame Emperor who sacrificed his life to write it. The text that he used his entire life to write, I don’t want it to be used by doctors simply to make money or gain fame.”
The Yellow Emperor sighed “Xiao Yao, you keep saying you’re not like your mom but you are actually just like your mom!”
Xiao Yao furrowed her brows “I’m not like her at all!”
The Yellow Emperor laughed “Fine, you’re not like her!”
That night Zhuan Xu came to Xiao Yue Peak and heard Xiao Yao’s decision on the wedding date and smiled. “That works.”
Likely due to the engagement with Jing, Xiao Yao realized that her time on Xiao Yue Peak with Zhuan Xu was finite rather than forever. With the battle between Xuan Yuan and Gao Xing taking on losses for both sides but Xiao Yao didn’t personally know anyone who died and she didn’t find out the details of the war, she felt it so far removed from her so she stopped avoiding Zhuan Xu.
The two of them resumed their old ways hanging out. Every night Zhuan Xu would come and chat happily with Xiao Yao as they hung out.
-----
Chapter 41:
Xiao Yao kneeled down. “We have not let Your Majesty down. The compendium of medical texts took 42 years to complete with the involvement of hundreds of doctors gathering herbs and testing out the treatments.
...
With this project completed, Xiao Yao’s busy life suddenly ended and she was so excited to do nothing again. She decided to go to Xuan Yuan Mountain to pay a visit to the White Emperor.
...
Back to Sheng Nong Mountain, Xiao Yao felt odd now that she had nothing to do. She discussed with Jing “Shall we go to Zhe Province to open a clinic?”
Jing said, “How about open a clinic in Qing Qiu?”
“But Zhe Province is closer, Qing Qiu is farther away and a hassle making a trip daily.”
“If you lived in Qing Qiu, then it would be close and convenient.”
“What? Me live in Qing Qiu?” It took Xiao Yao a few moments to understand as Jing laughed “The Tu Shan residence in Qing Qiu is all arranged and ready for a wedding.”
Xiao Yao’s face gradually turned red as Jing took her hand “Xiao Yao, let’s get married! From the moment we got engaged I’ve been looking forward to marrying you.”
Xiao Yao’s heart surged with sweetness as she lightly nodded her head.
With her agreement, that night Jing discussed the wedding plans with the Yellow Emperor and the Black Emperor.
(1) XY lamenting that, as Chi You's daughter, there was no place in the world for her (i.e., once again she felt like she had "nowhere to go"), XL comforting her by reminding her that the ocean would always have a place for her, and XY feeling that, with that reminder, she had found a sliver of calm in the storm she was experiencing.
(2) Although the feelings in her heart were jumbled, XY understood what XL said about choosing to fight with his comrades, just as she understood why her uncle chose to die on the battlefield with his comrades.
(3) Since XL was dressed in black and his hair was completely covered by his black hood, he looking like FFB for a moment, making XY feel that she was nearly torn again before a strand of white hair escaped from his hood, reminding her of who he was. So she stroked his hair, reminded him that it was not safe for him to stay, and told him to hurry off after paying his respects to Lirong Ji.
(4) XL seeing himself reflected clearly in XY's eyes, XL covering XY's eyes, and XL giving her the ghost of a kiss on her forehead before departing, leaving XY in a daze for a long time, repeating to herself "mistaken illusion!"
(5) TSJ making it easier for XL to evade CX's guards, XL thanking TSJ for his help, and TSJ thanking XL for comforting XY.
Xiao Yao felt all the dark clouds lifting and smiled. “Dad, since you already wanted to give the throne to Zhuan Xu, why not tell him? Why make him into the smaller person and have to attack Gao Xing?”
The Grand Emperor explained, “I may have reached this decision and the people of Gao Xing may be able to accept any ruler as long as he brings peace and prosperity. But Zhuan Xu is right in pointing out the court officials would never agree to it and I can’t influence such a powerful faction alone. Zhuan Xu needs to use his might to make them obey at the tip of the sword, where they are faced with loss or gain before they will all accept. Like the Bai Hu and Chang Yi tribes, haven’t they already accepted Zhuan Xu as their Emperor after weighing their pros and cons?”
Personally, I think XY probably did not have romantic feelings for CX or view him as something other than family when they reconnected as adults. But I think it’s possible that she might have developed such feelings for him if their story had played out differently. You mentioned some of the reasons why.
And I also think that there is a bit of room for interpretation, so if another fan felt like XY maybe did have romantic feelings for CX at some point I could see how they would be able to arrive at that interpretation.
Edit: I’ll add that I can’t really picture XY being happy living in a palace and dealing with palace politics for the rest of her life. But I think she might have been able to have a happy life if she led a normal life with CX where she was a doctor and he was a wine maker, if the circumstances were right.
Yes, unfortunately the only way to convey the nuance in a way that let's you, as the reader, decide how to interpret the meaning (instead of just telling you one interpretation of it or telling you to read the whole novel) is to copy some of the relevant excerpts directly for you to read and assess for yourself.
As a child, XY promised CX that she would marry him and they would be together forever.
When CX got married for the first time, XY had no happiness in her heart. She felt that this wedding of his was not what she had envisioned, and she recalled the promise she made as a child to marry him.
When it was confirmed that CX was going to marry Xing Yue and make her his Empress, XY felt like she was losing CX. When she thought about it, her heart hurt and she had trouble sleeping. Somewhat similar to some of the heartache and sleeplessness she experienced after losing TSJ.
When CX finally admitted to his feelings for XY, she cried and was afraid to be alone with him. She felt that she could not give him what he wanted. However, when XY found out that CX was responsible for TSJ's death, she was devastated because she considered CX to be her closest person. Someone she treated as one and the same as herself. Someone she would give anything to, even her life. Someone she had opened her heart to long before she opened her heart to TSJ. Perhaps all of that was only ever 100% purely platonic. Or perhaps there was a little bit of unacknowledged romantic feeling at some point along the way.
So there is maybe just enough slight ambiguity that if any reader really wanted XY to have had some romantic feelings for CX at some point (or they at least wanted to feel that she might have chosen to marry him if their circumstances had played out differently), they could concievably make a case for it to themselves.
-----
From chapter 38 of the novel:
When he met Xiao Yao for the first time, they didn’t get along at all. He was a boy but he couldn’t beat the rough and tumble Xiao Yao in a fight. He even tried to be sly and find a way to get rid of her. But gradually the two of them played together and when his parents both died it was Xiao Yao who kept him company every night. When he had nightmares it was Xiao Yao who kissed him on the forehead and vowed, “I will be with you forever.” He didn’t believe her. “You’ll get married eventually and leave me.” She hurriedly said, “I won’t marry anyone else, I will marry you and never leave you.”
From Five Gods Mountain to Xuan Yuan Mountain, from Xuan Yuan Mountain to Sheng Nong Mountain, Xiao Yao accompanied him each step of the way. No matter what happened, no matter what state he was in, she resolutely stood beside him. When Yu Jiang tried to assassinate him, it was Xiao Yao who used her body to shield him. When he was in the hidden chamber detoxing from the drugs, it was Xiao Yao who endured the agony with him and was willing to be injured but wouldn’t use Jin Xuan’s suggestion to tie him up. She knew that if she suggested it then he would do it…..
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From chapter 26 of the novel:
Seeing [Cang Xuan] getting married, Xiao Yao plastered a smile on her face but had no happiness in her heart. They stumbled, they fell, they drifted, they fought, along the way her and [Cang Xuan] both grew up and now he was getting married. But this wedding wasn’t what Xiao Yao had envisioned.
In her memories: her Eldest Uncle’s wedding to the Sheng Nong Kingdom’s Princess was a lavish ceremony. She and [Cang Xuan] got in a fight, he said a married daughter was like water splashed outside. She remembered later her Fourth Auntie committing suicide, [Cang Xuan]’s nightly nightmares, her comfort that she would forever be with him. [Cang Xuan] said she would marry one day and leave him, she innocently said that she wouldn’t marry another, she would marry him.
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From chapter 30 of the novel:
Xiao Yao returned to her residence and laid down on her pallet but couldn’t sleep. When she lost Jing she felt that she still had [Cang Xuan] and no matter what happened she would never lose him.
But tonight she felt for the first time that she was gradually losing [Cang Xuan].
Years ago they held hands and walked up Cao Yun Peak, facing adversity that did not defeat them or make them give up on each other. But now they reached the end, there were so many things and people gradually forming between them that it naturally split them apart.
It wasn’t that one wanted to leave the other or the other stopped caring, it was life being so merciless and unwittingly leading them to this point.
Xiao Yao felt her heart constricting tightly so she sat up and took deep breaths. It started with being sleepless but over time she seemed to have developed a heart problem. She knew Xiang Liu was being bothered by her right now.
All these years in the deep dark of the night, when she was at her most painful to endure moments, knowing someone was experiencing the same feeling made her feel she wasn’t alone. It made her feel like he was right there keeping her company and it comforted her a lot.
In the poison packages she sent him, she wrote in a letter apologizing for disturbing him and reminding him to go to Jiu Li with her when he had time. But Xiang Liu never replied and Xiao Yao didn’t dare mention it a second time.
Xiao Yao clutched her heart and slowly laid back down. After laying for a long time, she slowly fell asleep.
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From chapter 45 of the novel:
Xing Yue glared at Xiao Yao, her face exploding with hatred. “Xiao Yao, how dare you say you didn’t take anything from me? Everything I want, you have it! Now it’s only this much, what will happen when the day you want to be the Empress arrives?”
Xiao Yao angrily retorted, “You’re insane! I….I….how could I ever want to be the Empress?”
Xing Yue laughed loudly. “I’m crazy? I’m the most sane person around! His Majesty sees you as important as his life, you are willing to risk your life for His Majesty! Now that Jing is dead, one day you’ll realize that you and His Majesty…”
“Shut up! Shut up!”
“Shut up!”
The first two were Xiao Yao screaming out, but the final “shut up” came from [Cang Xuan]. He was standing at the door coldly staring at Xing Yue before calmly walking inside.
...
[Cang Xuan] said to Left Ear, “You’re dismissed.”
Xiao Yao yelled, “No!” She was scared right now to be alone with [Cang Xuan].
[Cang Xuan] didn’t insist and instead sat on the pallet and silently stared at Xiao Yao. She looked left and right, like so many things around her was interesting, and did everything she could not to look at [Cang Xuan]. He was the opposite, he just stared at Xiao Yao like she was the only thing left in the entire world.
[Cang Xuan] didn’t speak, like he could be this way until the end of time. Xiao Yao licked her lips and said awkwardly “Xing Yue is mistaken, I…..you….it’s impossible! She must have misunderstood!”
“If you think she’s spouting nonsense then why fret over it?” [Cang Xuan]’s voice was calm without a ripple.
Xiao Yao felt a weight lifting and smiled towards [Cang Xuan], who continued to stare unblinking at her. In the darkness of his eyes there were two little hers, and an endless abyss of sadness like the darkest of night. Xiao Yao was scared, she wanted to run or hide, but she was caught up in that never ending darkness with no place to run or ride. She tried to smile and make things go back to the way it was.
Xiao Yao frantically said, “Xing Yue said I was the only woman on Sheng Nong Mountain who can see you every day. But she’s wrong because you come to Xiao Yue Peak every day to pay your respects to Grandfather. She said I spent the most time with you but she’s wrong, Xiao Xiao spends the most time with you! She says I can call you by your first name, but that’s also wrong since Ah Nian also calls you [Cang Xuan] gege. Xing Yue said I dared to hit you but that wasn’t my fault! You attacked Gao Xing and I’ve been a Gao Xing princess for hundreds of years. I can’t be expected to not react. As for the hem drying and shoe carrying, it’s really nothing since you did stuff like that for me when we were kids, but now you’re the Emperor so everyone is watching is all! I’ll be aware from now on and won’t let you do stuff like that…”
Xiao Yao’s voice started to quiver and her body was shaking, the smile on her face turning pitiful as if pleading with [Cang Xuan] to agree with what she said, to agree that Xing Yue was mistaken.
[Cang Xuan] didn’t accede to Xiao Yao’s plea, he looked down instead and stopped staring at Xiao Yao. So Xiao Yao grabbed her crutch and got up to run away.
[Cang Xuan]’s voice rose to break the silence. “When I heard Xing Yue, Feng Long, and Chang came to see you, I hurried here and arrived just in time to hear you ask Xing Yue why she wanted to kill you. I knew the answer and could have stopped her from answering, but I did nothing and allowed her to say it.”
[Cang Xuan] sighed painfully. “Xing Yue wanted to kill you which made me enraged, but as I listened to her talking I actually grew grateful towards her. The secret has been hidden inside for so long, and I’ve done so many heartless things, you wouldn’t believe it, the whole world wouldn’t even believe it, and even I sometimes think about how absurd it all is. Yet there was one person who saw the truth! So in the eyes of one person out there, I am so, so good to you. The Black Emperor [Cang Xuan] isn’t such a heartless person!”
[Cang Xuan] continued, “Xiao Yao, I thought that I could wait, I could wait as long as it takes for you to turn around and see me. But the more I wait, the more I lose hope. I’m so afraid you’ll never look back, or when you look back you’ll see someone else who isn’t me! You can see Feng Long wanting to marry you, you can see Jing being good to you, you can see how charming and interesting Fang Feng Bei is, but in your eyes you see me arranging for you to date other men, agreeing for you to marry other men, and even doing so with a smile on my face. I did it not just once, but twice……..”
Xiao Yao’s legs buckled and she weakly sat back down on the pallet, the crutch falling from her hand and landing with a resounding thud.
[Cang Xuan] kneeled down before Xiao Yao and placed the crutch to the side. “Every time I took a new wife, I forbade you from congratulating me. I am Xuan Yuan [Cang Xuan], from the moment my mom committed suicide this is the path I chose. I cannot say no to the marriage alliances. I can’t tell people I don’t want it, that I hate it! My only consolation is you not congratulating me. I decided that if I didn’t get your congratulations, then it means every wedding didn’t have your consent, and without your consent then it doesn’t count!”
[Cang Xuan] smiled pitifully “Isn’t it laughable? The whole world sees it, but I still don’t think any of it counts, because none of the weddings got your consent!”
Xiao Yao’s eyes teared up as she remembered [Cang Xuan]’s reaction before each marriage.
[Cang Xuan] said “In Xuan Yuan Castle, you laughed about me being so different from my parents. They only had each other in their entire lives, while I was marrying woman after woman. Then I thought I was really different from them, not because I have a lot of women, but because I knew I only wanted you yet was willing to give up that love to succeed! I even saw you smiling with Jing and being okay with it since we were still alive, and that was all that mattered. As long as you didn’t end up like Grandmother, Auntie or my mom, crying and in pain, then nothing else mattered! No matter if I had other women or you have other men, it didn’t matter at all! But later I realized I was still their son and just like them, I didn’t just want to stay alive, I wanted to stay alive with you! I want to welcome the dawn every morning with you, I want to have dinner every night after coming home from working hard, I want to build swings for you and push you on the swing, I want to plant phoenix trees for you, to watch the flowers bloom on it, to suck the honey out of the petals, to talk to you, to see you smile, to hear you sing…”
“Don’t say anymore!” Xiao Yao shut her eyes painfully as her tears continued to fall.
[Cang Xuan] remained kneeling before Xiao Yao and placed his arms on the pallet to look up at her. “You once sincerely wished that I would find the woman I want to marry. I already found her. Xiao Yao, I know you haven’t forgotten Jing, but I can wait. I am willing to wait until your emotional wounds have healed, until you are willing to marry me. I won’t ask that you forget Jing, I just want you to give a part of your heart to me. I just want a little bit, a tiny little portion, so that we can spend the remaining days of our lives together.”
[Cang Xuan]’s position was very subservient and his words pleading and pitiful. In his entire life, he always courageously fought for what he wanted, never then did he beg with such a low demeanor.
Xiao Yao continued to cry, not sure what she was crying about – that she loved but could not have, or that [Cang Xuan]’s love all these years could not have.
“Xiao Yao, don’t cry!” [Cang Xuan] wanted to comfort Xiao Yao, but didn’t know how to right now. He just tried to guess her feelings. “Xiao Yao, don’t cry, don’t cry… nothing has changed, only that you know I want to marry you. I’m not asking you to accept me, I’m willing to wait, even wait until we die, none of that matters to me…”
Xiao Yao flopped on the pallet, crying even more loudly.
[Cang Xuan] grew silent. He knew things had changed, and it was because he wanted more from her. [Cang Xuan] said painfully, “Xiao Yao, don’t hate me! I love you, that’s not wrong!”
Xiao Yao’s face was smushed on the pallet so her expression wasn’t visible but her crying decreased and she said, “I don’t hate you, I just don’t know… don’t know what to do… you go back now. I want to be alone.”
[Cang Xuan]’s hand reached out instinctively to comfort Xiao Yao but he pulled back, silently getting up and walking out with heavy steps.
Xiao Yao heard from his footsteps - a never before heard weight. She knew that she wasn’t the only person hurting right now. [Cang Xuan] hurt more than she did, he was even more sad. Xiao Yao started to cry harder again, once they were each other’s only support and comfort. Who knew they would be hurting each other today?
Xiao Yao didn’t want to have to avoid [Cang Xuan], like he said it wasn’t wrong for him to like her. But at the moment she didn’t know how to face him, so she tried her hardest to avoid him. When he came to Xiao Yue Peak, Xiao Yao would plaster herself next to the Yellow Emperor.
[Cang Xuan] understood what she was doing so he didn’t force her, nor did he let it go. He was still the same, coming to Xiao Yue Peak every day, talking with the Yellow Emperor and taking tea.
Gradually Xiao Yao became less nervous, and as long as neither brought it up, they easily fell back to the way they interacted.
One night, [Cang Xuan] chatted with the Yellow Emperor for a bit and was taking his leave when he noticed the moon was exceptionally bright. He turned to Xiao Yao. “Haven’t been to the phoenix tree forest in some time, take a walk with me.”
“I’m turning in.” The sun had just set and even Xiao Yao felt this excuse was beyond lame.
[Cang Xuan] said nothing, silently looking at Xiao Yao for a moment before walking out of the courtyard headed to the phoenix tree forest alone. His figure seemed especially lonesome.
Xiao Yao watched his figure disappear into the phoenix tree forest like it was gradually being swallowed by the night, just like she was also being swallowed by the night, with no hope and no comfort.
Xiao Yao stood there in a daze for some time before bolting out of the residence and running towards the phoenix tree forest.
Xiao Yao stood under the phoenix tree bent over breathing heavily while looking around in dismay. “[Cang Xuan]! [Cang Xuan]…” There was no answer and no sign of anyone, [Cang Xuan] had already left.
Xiao Yao slowly sat down on the grass and wrapped her arms around her knees, burying her head in her lap. She felt sad, and confused, because the things [Cang Xuan] wanted she couldn’t give him.
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From chapter 47 of the novel:
“I want to know the truth. [Cang Xuan], did you send people to help Tu Shan Hou?”
[Cang Xuan] wanted to deny it but his pride wouldn’t allow him to, so he said after a pause, “It was me!”
“It was you!” Xiao Yao thought she had experienced every type of pain in the world, but who knew the most painful thing in the world was the person you love taking a knife and carving out your heart. Every part of Xiao Yao hurt, her insides, her bones, her skin, her head, none of the pain she experienced in the past could hold a candle to this. She was in such pain she wanted to die. Xiao Yao closed her eyes, unable to look at [Cang Xuan]. “Get out!”
...
Xiao Yao felt unsettled, like [Cang Xuan] was suddenly unfamiliar to her, or maybe it was that [Cang Xuan] to her, they laughed when happy, he carried her when she tired, he teased her when she pouted, he was a shoulder for her to lean on when she was in need, he could handle everything when she was in peril.
In Xiao Yao’s heart, [Cang Xuan] was the closest person to her, so much so that she didn’t differentiate between him and her. If he wanted something then she would give her life to help him achieve it. From Five Gods Mountain to Xuan Yuan Mountain, from Xuan Yuan Mountain to Sheng Nong Mountain, whatever she had [Cang Xuan] could have it, including her life. She always thought [Cang Xuan] treated her the same way, that if she wanted something [Cang Xuan] would get it for her, that if she treasured something [Cang Xuan] would treasure it too.
But it was just her wishful thinking! So was she simply wrong about [Cang Xuan], or had he changed?
...
[Cang Xuan]’s tears fell and Xiao Yao saw it and smiled. “Gege, [Cang Xuan]…….I……..I forgive you! It’s too hard to hate you…….worse than cutting my own heart to pieces……I forgive you…….”
[Cang Xuan] cried, “Xiao Yao, tell me! If we could do it all over again and I held you close after we reunited on Five Gods Mountain, with no chance for Jing to get close to you, would you have picked me?”
Xiao Yao was about to pass out but [Cang Xuan]’s words took her back to the very beginning and it was as clear as yesterday, “When I was locked up in the cage by the nine-tailed fox, all I could think of was you…..all I missed was you….when you didn’t recognize me, I still used my life to save you…….back then…….there was no Jing yet………..” Xiao Yao’s voice trailed off.
[Cang Xuan] cried out, “Xiao Yao! Xiao Yao!………..” but he could feel only silence as her breathing ceased.
On Cao Yun Peak, they played during the day and slept in each other’s arms at night. They buried and said farewell to their loved ones, they endured the pain together……….Xiao Yao said her heart had turned cold into stone, but he remained the most precious treasure that Xiao Yao kept deep in her heart, in the softest most secure place. When Jing said he would give first and trust first to try and win Xiao Yao’s heart, Xiao Yao had already done the same for [Cang Xuan]. She didn’t like politics or care about the greater good, but she accompanied him back to Xuan Yuan Mountain and always protected him…..
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From chapter 49 of the novel:
Xiao Yao’s eyes followed [Cang Xuan] until his form disappeared from sight, as if watching the most important and precious part of her life vanish forever. Her body trembled and ached from the pain in her heart so she grabbed her chest with one hand as she leaned on Jing’s body for support.