Holy Weapon

"I am damn satisfied to be killed this way!"

Holy Weapon boasted an amazing cast-Michelle Yeoh, Maggie Cheung, Ng Man Tat, Simon Yam, and Sangra Ng to name just a few. If you love Hong Kong martial arts comedy you will most likely enjoy this film more than I did. Very little made sense and often bordered on the bizarre-walking flowers, a green-haired vampire, and a woman who could turn into a spider were just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I don’t mind martial arts madness, but the rape, poop, and penis jokes wore thin quickly for me.

The Japanese Super Sword has come to China to take over the martial world. After cutting down thousands of men, Mo Kake aka Heaven Sword, juiced up on the “greatest drugs,” is able to temporarily defeat Super Sword. SS vows to return in three years. The drugs cause Mo’s personality to change and he goes on a killing spree seeing Super Sword everywhere. Not everyone was disappointed to be killed, "I am damn satisfied to be killed this way!" By the time the Ghost Doctor (“late again!”) arrives, Mo collapses after having driven his fiancée away. Ching Sze changes her appearance and name and becomes the Heartless Man Killer. In order to kill Super Sword when he returns, the good guys will need a secret book and seven female virgins in order to become their own super weapon. Fortunately, there are plenty of oddball and horny maidens to fill just that order.

Michelle Yeoh played the grownup in the room, Ching Sze aka To Col. She was, of course, wonderful as always, even with this material. Maggie Cheung played a dippy Princess protected by Sandra Ng as her bodyguard. Carol Cheng and Damian Lau were betrothed as children but he wanted out badly enough to kill her. He fell in love with the princess and her guard fell in love with him and then the guard later fell for his fiancé, Doll. Along the way, the characters met Sharla Cheung’s Spider, who ended up falling in love with To Col. Ng Man Tat played the Ghost Doctor with Einstein hair. Simon Yam was the deadly enemy who could turn into a sword who also needed to sleep with virgins to maintain his youthful skin care routine. Everyone was looking for love and not terribly hung up on gender (which I liked) or often consent (which I didn’t).

There were numerous rape jokes and attempts which I found horribly offensive. Poop jokes and penis jokes dropped every few minutes. The film was badly faded which made reading the white subtitles difficult at times. There were also frames where the subtitles were cut off at the bottom of the screen.

At first, I was thrilled to see so many accomplished actresses in this film, however, the material did not do them justice and wasted their talents for the most part. Holy Weapon had a few entertaining scenes, but I only finished it for Michelle Yeoh. Comedy is in the eye of the beholder so I wouldn’t want to discourage anyone who is a fan of the actors or genre from watching this film, it just wasn’t my jam.

2 March 2025
Trigger warnings: Snakes, horse parts flying, penis/poop/rape jokes, and several attempted rapes and an accomplished rape

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