Because This Is My First Life

because this is my first life: Sexism, misogyny, and discrimination against women in the workplace

After completing BTIMFL for the second time, I became aware of the reoccurring theme of the treatment of women, especially within the workplace.

The opening scene features a narration of the FL (Ji Ho, played by Jung So Min) explaining how she grew up in a patriarchal household, where she was pretty much ignored and disregarded. Her freedom never came to her until she was much older. In fact, her father only really shows an interest in her when she says she is getting married.

The FL has to go through various situations in which she is treated horribly by her male coworker, which leads to her other coworkers defending him and supporting him, rather than siding with the FL, the victim. This causes her to quit once she realises that they would have just continued to use her and discredit her. She has no voice within her workplace simply due to the fact that she is a woman.

The 2nd FL (Soo Ji), played by Esom, also has to experience similar discrimination with her being a female, along with the fact that she has a stigma around her for her personal choice to be sex-positive and not committed to relationships. The judgment she faces is addressed in a conversation with her romantic partner, in which she explains the hypocrisy of being a woman and the double-edged sword that is constantly pointed at her regardless of the choices she makes.

We also see their mothers who have sacrificed their own happiness for the sake of their daughters, and in turn, their daughters who have been able to have a better life. The FLs are able to realise how much their mothers have done for them, thus making them closer with them as they are able to appreciate them.

Admittedly, the other FL, Ho Rang (played by Kim Ga Eun, was quite annoying during my first watch due to some of her selfish choices. However, upon my rewatch, I can notice and understand her and her actions. To her, the traditional route of becoming a housewife is what she desires. In a scene after a school reunion, we see how she feels less than her school peers who are married with children. Struggling to get by with little money, she aspires to get married and settle down in order to not feel so inferior. Her pride holds onto the idea of one day being able to settle down, and constantly boasts about her long-time boyfriend, yet struggles to be upfront with him and tell him what she wants from their relationship. Hence why some of her decisions come across as selfish and ignorant. Additionally, there are a few scenes in which both she and a coworker are criticised by a male superior, further perpetuating the idea that she is less than and worthless even.

These characters all display how the patriarchy invites hypocrisy and condescending behaviour due to the choices made by women. Whilst these characters are able to be happy in the end, the sexism they face continues. Despite the 20th and 21st centuries showing the change with laws, enabling women to have a bigger presence within the public sphere, attitudes towards women remain the same from a macro perspective. BTIMFL is a great example of this, which is why I highly recommend this drama. The actors all showcase their characters uniquely, showing the different sides to adulthood, the workplace, and romance.

11 07 21

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✒ Family Marriage & Sex In The City Seoul °7.7° °VG°

Boo-hoo, Ji-hoo❕

We meet her when she's face-to-face with complete failure; a bona fide low point.

Raised by a patri-to❌ic father & a sympathetic-on-the-sly mom, she needs relief now. What she getz is this: Though she's a talented script writer, the TV station wants to credit her work to a known entity, in order to boost viewership. She needs fair recognition NW.

She lives with her brother. /She/ paid the depo$it / mainten-cent$ / expen$e$ / replaced appliance$ & more↗. While she was mandatorily sequestered at writer #1's office crunchin a deadline, her brother married his preggos GF. Nobody told Ji-hoo that GF-now-the-Mrs has moved in. Upon her return, when she innocently poked her head into her brother's room to say 'hi', Ji-hoo found ☢ut the hard-☹-way. Given that 🗻Dad🗻 is thrilled that Ji-hoo is about to be an aunt - the aunt of a #nephew (IT'S A B✨Y!!), she knows it's Game Over. There will be no getting that won back. She needs =equality=]> RIGHT N✴W.

Even after she'd been sexually harassed at work, she was asked to "Just work with us." They won't give her equal rights N⏱W. "Your time will come. We promise." She needs a new J.O.B. N⭕W.

She quits. N✴W❗

now she can't afford her rent

She.needs.aff⚙rdable.h⚙using.n⏱w#

$he absolutely, most direly needs affordable housing tonight

Engineer Se-hee is a self-isolated loner who has trapped himself in a rigid life, devoid of joy. His only goals are to maintain his strict schedule, save up $, and pay off his home mortgage asap. Nothing is going to work out for him without a roommate, though. He ran those calculations years back. The rental income is required in order to keep his journey to financial Buelah Land on track. ⭕ of his roommates ever work out, though. He even had to call the police on the last. He needs a compatible roommate N☹W…

Right on time, here come their bands of buddies. Se-hee's friends & Ji-hoo's friends are linked thru Ho-rang (Rang) & Won-seok, who have been dating the better part of a decade. None of the women have met the men yet. Based on names alone, each gang assumes they have a perfect landlord-tenant match-up for their bud. They weren't /trying/ to create a coed dorm, which is not as acceptable in conservative K-country . Well, didn't /they/ stumble onto something??

Thus is the show's opening. Ji-hoo & Se-hee are planted within 15ft of eachother with the cat going back and forth between them as a fluffy emissary. It grows from there. As it turns out, they are very✨compatible. Se-hee's ex-roomies never came close to the competence of Ji-hoo-roomie. It's several days of co-habbing before they even meet, due to conflicting schedules. When they discover the "setup", they plan to separate. But... well… things are working out so well...

So well, in fact, that Se-hee, who works for the App: ‘Don't 'Marry, Date', pulls a reverse play & proposes! They should get married! ? !WAIT! That's wrong. He PR⛔-Posed. He wants to marry for 'Not Love'. No one will question their living situation if they do. That way, his parents won't continue nag him about marriage, plus his dad has offered to pay off his mortgage when he marries. Ji-hoo benefits as she'll have the affordable housing she needs to stay in Seoul, rather than go home to live with M&D. CEO Ma always says that 2 are better than 1. Coincidentally, Ji-hoo had just finished writing: A Dork's Love. Is she about to marry a dork?

This writer is a clever devil. Going into the real-but-fake ceremony, Jihoo's mom talks to her about love & marriage in the bridal chamber and causes Ji-hoo to S⛈B. The unfeeling, ever practical Se-hee comes looking for his missing bride and finds her in that state. He says these words to Ji-hoo: "You can't stop crying? Then, we'll go together. It's all right if you cry. Come with me. I'll stay by your side. I will be with you." Sounds like a vow; an intimate vow between the 2 of them, alone in the bride's chambers. It's not yet ♥️. It's genuine friendship & comraderie + a promise of loyalty. It's not a fake marriage. Not really.

BTIMFL sets out with a light-hearted tone~>> a couple's friends eventually meet & interest sparks. The characters are rounded off nicely. There's a generous amount of Mars & Venus (man/woman) misunderstandings. No relationship in the series is w/o static. The romance between Soo-ji and Ceo Ma is the most fun. He's a catch - he even does a musical number! She finally comes to see who he is. The side characters greatly enhance the series.

Like ♥️, BTIMFL hurts sometimes. What's unnecessarily ♥️-rending is how Ji-hoo leaves and stays away - for what looks like weeks, maybe more. While the cutting with the snappy sounds is generally a fun touch, this later sadness is resoundingly out of sync with the quirky elements. Why would she cause such unnecessary pain to Se-hee? There's a clip of her having a good old time with her friends, while his world falls apart. She knows she's returning to him, while at the same time, he's demolished by heartbreak. The viewer feels his pain.

The show became so sad that the ending didn't lift me back up. It comes close to ruining the series, and it didn't even make sense! It's an example of awful Kdrama MSS (Mandatory Separation Syndrome: An overused Kdrama device in which the couple is separated by distance after professing love, but prior to their Happily Ever After). MSS is routinely awful. While there are times it's for the best, usually, MSS is detrimental to a series. How could a couple that has just come together, often after many struggles, bear to be apart? Why, oh why, are they compelled to write it in? Furthermore, in the emotionally wrenching letter Ji-hoo's mom wrote to Se-hee, she asked him to stay by Ji-hoo's side when she cries. Ji-hoo dumps him cold, allowing him to despair alone. What ugly irony.

The primary theme of BTIMFL is equality for women in a hyper-patriarchal society. Ha-rang wears a shirt that says "Raise girls and boys the same." We'll see a 2nd woman sexually harassed while trying to build her career. BTIMFL addresses this tired out, but still "what's happening now" indignity competently - 1 flagrant scene is like a horrible sexual harassment training video that the cubicle overlords foist on their employees. {If that's what's still going on in SK, they definitely need to tweak the power balance somehow. Women's rights were stalled there due to a military dictatorship (1961-1979) that solely focused on maintaining power, giving no thought to protecting the vulnerable.}

BTIMFL features The Disease: Good Daughter i/l Disease, in which dtr i/l's are
treated as slaves by the in-laws. That ain't healthy. Ji-hoo's mom is able to read it between the teas when the family's meet. She didn't want her daughter living her life as a slave to the In-laws. Still, the show is a little cynical about family life. It is entirely appropriate to prevent a mother i/l from bullying a young wife, but it's usually not a reason to withdraw from all family interactions. Their agreement to holiday separately is highly questionable. If a set of their parents is not respectful of them or their marriage, separation is appropriate. Apparently i/l's abusing their kid’s spouse is a pro-sport in K-country, so the writer is proposing a viable solution. We can hope that the separate holidays will rejoin if they have children. That all serves to drag down the production, which is outstanding through 13 episodes.

No show is without flaws. Besides MSS, the last three episodes end the show on a more sour / less sweet note. BTIMFL is amusing until around Ep14, where long, overdone, and wearisome shots framing Ji-hoo's pain-gripped face keep the series from continuing forward. The pacing is otherwise steady. Without that drag, the show's easily an 8+.

The poetry in BTIMFL, the discussions of literature, and "Room 19" add depth. "Room 19" is now part of my consciousness and vocab. This series tricks us into thinking it will be a lite piece, only to punch us later with surprising depth. Some notables are:

▶"We don't even know ourselves, so how could we know the dark sides of others?" 5✨

▶"When a person comes, it is in fact a tremendous thing. That person's entire life comes with them - Because it's fragile, so it may have been broken before - the heart that's close."✨

▶"A heart isn't something that is taken or grabbed. It comes to you." ✨

We can all applaud that, can't we?

Overall this is a VG view. One of the best things can can be said is that it leaves plenty for discussion. Spare us the mindless pap, which this show is not. My favorite FAVORITE takeaway from watching this is when Soo-ji declares: "I'd rather be a crazy bℹtch than a pathetic wench." Amen.

QUOTES⚜️

If I were to tell the 20 old me, would that punk believe me?

Ji-hoo! You should go out and get pregnant tonight. We're going to a club! (Soo-ji. Woman of action.)

Perhaps, if you have some time, would you marry me?

〰 IMHO 〰

Directing 7
Writing 8
Acting 7.5
Romance 7
Flutters 5
Warmth 5
Art 6
Excitement 5
Laughs 5
Thought provocation 8
Ending 4


Age 14+

Watch again? ✅ twice and counting…

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Highly enjoyable (despite the unbelievable premise)

Out of all the "fake relationship" dramas out there (granted, I have only seen a few), this one had the most justifiable premise -- which still does not mean that it was entirely believable :) All the same, it was interesting to see how the show tried to balance the comedic and the truly dramatic components.
On the positive side:
* The leads, for once, are more fleshed out and interesting than the supporting characters! Maybe it's because they are not cast to be "the most beautiful" or "the most interesting" (both lead actors are very attractive, obviously, but they play the parts of ordinary people). The supporting characters have their own story arcs, but are definitely much more one-dimensional and somewhat caricaturish.
* The story flows relatively well and the events make sense (until the last episode or two, at least).
The negatives:
* That last, artificial, incomprehensible dramatic turn -- why? what for? (I refer to the "Mongolia trip" for those initiated to the series.) It made no sense. I wondered if it was a translation issue, and that maybe I missed something, but I watched those episodes with two different sets of translations, and it still made no sense...
* The show kept coming up with, and changing, the "leading theme" (or, to put it differently, the aphorism it was trying to explore; the zeitgeist it was trying to tap into; etc.): First it was the patriarchy; at some point it was finding the special small moments to be happy with things; then it was something weird about being unconventional... I think the overall trajectory of the show would have been more enjoyable and less jarring if the writers had picked one leading thought and stuck with it.

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THEEEE BESSTT

Honestly, Because This Is My First Life is such a gem! It doesn’t follow the typical K-drama formula—it’s actually a lot more grounded. The main characters, Se-hee and Ji-ho, aren’t your usual romantic leads. They’re just real people dealing with real issues, from career struggles to the weird pressures society puts on marriage and success. Their relationship starts as a convenience, this quirky contract marriage to solve each other’s problems, but it grows in the most genuine way.

What I love is how it handles these little moments. It's not just about the romance, though that’s there too—it’s about the little life decisions and figuring out what really matters. And the side characters? They each have their own story arcs that bring so much depth to the show. You feel like you’re getting a full picture of what adulthood is for different types of people. It’s sweet, it’s introspective, and, honestly, it’s just so satisfying to watch.

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Not my cup of tea

I had a hard time watching this. I got bored during a lot of it and I found a lot of the characters and their choices to be frustrating. I wonder if maybe I missed out on some of the cultural understanding, but I couldn’t believe how much they wanted to talk about “marriage is this” and “marriage is that”. I guess, as a married person, I just don’t buy into the relationships they were trying to sell me. I was quite frustrated at the choices made by the characters. The desires of some of the characters made me feel like they were selfish and that was never addressed. Considering the show was about marriage, I felt like I didn’t see enough of the developing relationship between the characters. For the one who had a difference in opinion about how long they should wait to get married, the show gave us no indication as to how that difference of opinion was solved beyond a couple of words about a plan. For the main relationship, there was a huge lack of communication and we didn’t really get to see the characters together. It’s hard to call it love when you only see it for such a small period of time. I also felt like some of the characters were just thrown in without much thought as to why they were there. The stalker storyline… the incident with the assistant director… those were just barely there to the point of “why bother?”

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I love this drama. Inject it into my veins.

Honestly, I don't even know what to say. I cried several times when I watched this.

While the drama's premise was a bit silly to me at first, I grew to love and appreciate it. Jung So-min was great, her portrayal of Ji-ho was amazing. I got super attached to her and the rest of the cast as time went on. I don't know, man. I just love what the drama is trying to say - that this is our first life, and just because we've experienced things that brought so much pain, does not mean that there aren't good things that can come in the future. That we have to be gentler with people, because we can never truly know who they are and what they've been through. Life is a struggle for everyone, and we can't always get it right all the time.

The show also explores how fucking hard it can be to get something you want, to achieve a dream or to move on and have a life you've always wanted. I love how it drops gems like how, in this world, the best you can do is stay out of people's way. Idk man it's such a great show with awesome dialogue.

This show definitely focuses on the relationships that each character has with their respective partners, though. I can see how that can bore some people, but I for one loved it. Soo-ji and Sang-goo's relationship is one of the absolute best ever, and I loved how supportive and loving Sang-goo was. The relationship between them is just *drama perfection*. Ho-rang and Won-seok's relationship was kinda meh for me, but I didn't hate it. It felt a bit dragged on, but I'll give them a pass because the rest of the drama was just so darn good. Ji-ho and Se-hee though. At first I didn't really care if they got together or not but in the end I found myself rooting for them.

I also love how Jung-min wasn't the typical crazy ex girlfriend. Love that for her.

Ah, I just remembered Ji-ho's wonderful relationship with her mother. This drama just hits all the right spots! Very rewatchable, too. The OST slaps as well (listening to Marriage, This Life, and Shelter makes me cry all the time).

Overall, this drama is so, so good. Please watch it!

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What I thought 'My beloved summer' would be like....

This series was what I thought 'My beloved summer' would be, Slow paced but full of deep and introspection things, especially aroung love and marriage. The approach to understand marriage by getting into a contract marriage isn't necessarily a new one, but did not feel cliched here (along with other ideas which could have been).
Definately more suitable for mature audience, but can be enjoyed by everyone.The beginning was so damn good and even the lines were much more hard hitting in the beginning. The ending felt slightly weaker (could have been a 9 for me if they could carry the momentum of the starting till the end) since the beginning was so damn good, but still overall it was a good series!!

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I just love this drama...I accidently started watching this series and got addicted to it.If you are a fan of typical romcom K dramas then its not your cup of tea.The drama speaks about some actual issues our youth facing in the society.Really liked the way story progress..The actors justified the characters.Not only the lead actors, the support actors also fid their job well.

The story talks about a homeless woman and a house poor man.Under some circumstances they stated staying in same house and got in to a fake marriage.Also the storyline focusing on other two couples..The plot seens to be realistic and we can even relate to most of the situations.

I would really recommend this drama to all the views.

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it started off really well…

i liked the drama quite a lot at the start, around ep 1-11? i especially liked how they embedded quotes and metaphors into the show, ie room 19, or the quote about how it would be better to be seen as a crazy b’tch than a pathetic wench. well a lot of these stories/quotes took quite some time for me to wrap my head around but that was the fun of the show imo. slowly figuring out what they mean through the scenes they showed us was definitely enjoyable, it was the main reason why i rated the plot as a 7.
i really loved nam sehee, how he was awkward but sincere, he’s bad with words but his affection shows anyway. episode 11 where he was stunned after meeting his ex again but showed more concern towards jiho and made her tea :((
i think ceo ma and sooji definitely CARRIEDD the show towards the end, i was just much more invested in them. in comparison, horang and wonseok were so toxic. they had completely different things they wanted and they were stressed out by their differences. i really dont think it would have worked out, they were just pressuring each other and straining themselves in the name of love. i cant believe they got back together. in comparison to sooji, horang was just portrayed a lot more dumber and just childish imo?? i didnt like how they portrayed how she wanted to get married so badly or maybe it’s my fault for not understanding the desire to get married.

compared to how much i liked sehee, i think jiho definitely paled in comparison. she constantly looks lost and half of the time i cannot comprehend her actions, especially towards the end. i even preferred the ex at some point LOL because she was cooler and more mature imo. the two exes talked it out calmly and maturely like adults should and jiho the stupid idiot ran away in the name of “love”, completely unnecessarily hurting sehee in the process. she’s so questionable, she goes around telling everyone (the ex, the father-in-law etc) that shes in love with sehee, then LITERALLY RIGHT AFTER THAT tells sehee that she wants to divorce. most heartbreakingly, that was the day sehee was going to confess, for the first time in his life.. and he was to forced to hold it back and got his heartbroken after he finally opened up. i cannot forgive her for breaking his heart like that. she’s running around like a headless chicken i cant understand her intentions, why is she hurting herself and the one she loves for no reason?? it was seriously upsetting watching her have fun at the sauna with horang when sehee legit looks like he was on the verge of death… he literally felt depressed man,, eating half cooked chicken and saying he didnt care so as long it filled his stomach, walking around and seeing jiho’s shadow everywhere.. it was so unfair that only sehee actually seemed to be suffering when jiho was just chilling?? having fun?? directing her own sad play?????????????? unbelievable tbh. and she came back to his old house and acted so frustrated he moved away and incredulously kept saying “why” like the whole bloody audience doesnt know youre the problem :)
was it because it wasnt working out? it was just hurting her?? i feel like it could have been clearer and not like im just throwing blind guesses in the dark trying to understand her. understandably, that contract had to end in a way, if they actually want to get together properly. was it meant to represent a fresh start? all it felt like was her directing her own play and running away on her own and causing sehee pain. could she not have communicated that she wanted a break and then a fresh start?? instead of leaving him depressed as shit and coming back looking for him saying she wants to confess… an actual clown 😭😭
but then again, as the title said, this is her first life, it’s everyone’s first lives. maybe she couldnt execute the clean start properly because of this? ugh this drama makes me feel so lost towards the end. but shouldnt she at least be as heartbroken and depressed as sehee… that really broke my heart because it felt so unfair 😭😭
i swear i have NEVER EVER EVER disliked a drama mc more than the love interest before:( i always hate the love int first because its portrayed in the mc’s pov,, it just seems to justify most actions
but HOLY SHIT JIHO you are a breath of fresh air!! i cant understand her and i ended up hating her after ep 13… how did she go from being so likeable to such a hateful toxic walking red flag at the end :)
anyways as you can see, it really kills you towards the end for me. still a great drama?? it just might not be for me?? maybe im not at the age/maturity to understand love and marriage problems as portrayed in the drama. maybe ill come back when im 30 and ill finally understand it :) or i could still hate after ep 13 jiho

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