Boku no Neechan (2021)

Neechan is a Narcissistic Bully

Boku No Neechan is about how a young man endures a bossy, self-centered older sibling as a nightmare roommate who constantly belittles and puts him down. At first based on the soundtrack I thought this series would be about a warm, loving, protective, older sister that is looking out for her brother. But what I saw was a narcissistic, bossy, older sister who is trying to dominate over our younger brother’s perception of his everyday life. They should have named the series: “My Sister, The Bully.” Or “My NPC Sister has Main Character Syndrome.”

She tries to color his perception of everything and acts like the world revolves around her within their living space. Outside, she behaves normally and even lying to please others. But at home, she acts like she’s the boss, the queen, and as if she’s always right. I find her behavior irritating because I have an older sister just like that. If the younger one is having a good day, or if he’s feeling good about himself because some lady paid attention to him, his sister is like a raincloud over him. She’s overbearing, and has this narcissistic, motherly energy, and not in a good way. Sporting a George Washington haircut, she throws her weight around, and comes across as an aggressive, selfish character who acts like she has life all figured out and her way is always the right way. She always has to have her interpretation of events as the official way to think. She is like the thought police at home where her younger brother is constantly walking on eggshells around her. Notice his posture is always hunched over, and he has serious self esteem issues. He encounters a similar bossy female figure at work too, who acts like she owns him. She gives him all sorts of advice, but I wish he would leave her suffocating bubble and move into his own authority. There’s even a line in episode 7 where the older sister says she would get along with his “manly” female boss. “The two of us will tease you,” she said. They’ll get along because they’re both bullies. Go figure.

And yet, all she talks about with her brother is crushes, seducing men, and romance. Her conversations are so dull. The creator of the series makes the viewer wonder, “Is this supposed to be witty? Is belittling someone considered humor?” And the woman that the younger brother likes is a two timer as well. Even being a woman, I can’t relate to any of the female characters in this show- I can only relate to the beaten down and yet innocent existence of the younger brother. And he sees how bleak everything is. His sister’s laugh is annoying and condescending, everything about her screams narcissistic bully. “Luckily I have a mediocre little brother. Very mediocre even among all the mediocre. The most mediocre among the mediocre.” if this is supposed to be a joke or anything resembling humor, it’s exactly what a bully would do. Poor guy is so beaten down. It is no wonder he’s attracted to women who treat him like dirt. When your own older sibling is constantly belittling you and implying that you’re stupid and mediocre, where do you turn for comfort? This series is the exact opposite of Iyashikei- it is not healing at all.

It’s funny because this actress is someone that I loved in Nagi‘s Long Vacation, and it was interesting because in that drama, she was playing a victim of an overbearing mother in that series. But in this series, she plays the narcissistic sister, and I feel sorry for the younger brother. The actress has also gained a lot of weight in the series compared to in Nagi‘s Long Vacation, and she gives off a kind of arrogant, intimidating air. I guess it reminds me of my own older sister. I would say the younger brother should move out and cut contact with his older sister. Or he should have strong boundaries so that he doesn’t let her toxic interpretations of everything color his world. She’s quite jaded and cynical, and keeps telling him that he lives in a fairytale. But his innocence, while does need some wisdom and advice here and there, shouldn’t be made to seem like he’s ignorant. His sister treats him like he needs her to function. This is how bossy older siblings act as if without them the younger one can’t even survive. And they would even say things like “what would you even do without me? Without all my great advice…” If this young man started to live on his own, he would realize that he doesn’t need his sister and her toxic behavior at all. I think he should move out, because his sister needs him more than he needs her.

Even though his sister reads diet books and Cleaning/organizing books despite not actually following it advice, she has her own logic as to why she reads them, and justifies her behavior as reasonable because… She’s the older sister and she can? Whereas everything her younger brother seems to do is not quite good enough to her standards apparently. It makes me sad to see the way she talks down to him, and how he simply absorbs her belittling and abuse.

Then the younger brother goes off to a tennis meet up where he interacts with his senpai’s family, and seeing his young son and wife he feels inspired to have a family of his own and he comes back home to his sister and starts saying things like “I want to get married, having lots of new family experiences, and I’ll probably be a good father.” And as if Right on cue, his sister start shooting him down. She says “you said you wanted to have lots of experiences, but you’ve never been cool. Have you? I guess you’re now drowning in the illusion of landing lucky punches. You have no skill, but always get at least one hit in, by chance. Life is not a dream. There are no lucky punches. Let’s say you have a son. Children are very observant, so he would probably realize on his own. I know more about this than dad. How can you teach your child things like that, I can’t wait to see it.” Wow what a horrible person this sister is! Whenever he comes home, happily, she has to shoot him down. Whenever he comes home, gloomy, she has to shoot him down again by saying he’s spreading his gloomy vibes. And yet she never once looks at herself and completely lacks self awareness. She’s literally projecting her own insecurities and inadequacies onto him.

I think she feels a sense of jealousy and possessiveness about her younger brother. She doesn’t want him to rise any higher or aspire to anything more than she has done. So she tries to cut him down, before he can rise any higher. At the same time she wants to possess him for herself in a way, so one way to do that is to constantly neg him and make him feel less than. Not cool. But I know this older sibling act very well. She always has to control the conversation. Even when she comes back home and. Junpei has something to say, she abruptly changes the topics so that she can remain in control. Then she starts some game that her brother is forced to play with her some word game. If it wasn’t heavily laden with manipulation, control, and self-centered narcissism, it would be fun and spontaneous and cute. But there’s nothing cute about this woman. Her psyche is 100% toxic.

In episode five apparently the older sister goes on a date with a man who’s not her boyfriend and then when she comes back all happy and the younger brother is at home. She expects him to a relish in her happiness, but she never does the same for him. And then when he questions her on why she is going out with other men other than her boyfriend she says it’s an insurance policy. And then he asks “Are things not going well with your current boyfriend?” And then she says “I feel sorry for your narrowminded thinking.” she always has to have the upper hand she always has to have the right thoughts she always has to have the last word by belittling poor Junpei. And she always has to have a condescending comment towards her younger brother.

In the last episode, the sister talks about how their parents are coming to visit and then she says I think we should make a surprise for them and she suggests doing some kind of sushi party and Junpei has to agree and just as he starts talking about it, she switches to a different topic. She always has to have the upper hand. And then later she mentions how she hates the feeling of being belittled where people are looking down on you. And I thought isn’t that how you are 24/7 with your own younger brother? Oh the irony. Then Junpei in a moment of lucidity says “Don’t you often treat me like that too?” and then she changed her expression and says “No way! Never mind, hurry up and keep cleaning!” Finally Junpei is waking up and his older sister wants to divert and distract away from the fact and continue bossing him around. He is aware that she treats him like dirt, but he can’t bring himself to speak up about it. He lacks the courage and always feels like “maybe the person criticizing me is right, maybe I am wrong.” Wherever he goes, women treat him badly. Even at the café, the lady rudely plopped a doughnut on his tray, showing him an attitude. Then poor Junpei thought of his sister, wondering if she would throw the donut on his plate like that. There’s still a part of him, that idolizes his older sibling. But she is not who he needs her to be. She’s simply a selfish narcissist who looks down on him. The fact that the whole series is named after her shows that he has centered his life on a narcissist who looks down on him. Ugh, this series makes me so sad. There is absolutely nothing healing about this series whatsoever. If anything, it is traumatizing.

Then, in the last episode, the parents arrive, the ones who have created this dynamic. And it would’ve been interesting to see more where this came from. Because surely an older sibling bossing over the younger sibling for life, this toxic dynamic, and relationship couldn’t have come out of nowhere. Often, the older sibling is acting out the control that was enforced upon them by the parents. And it’s a kind of transference. The best thing a younger sibling could do is to cut off that toxic older sibling and walk their own path. It’s so sad that the same actress from Nagi’s long vacation ended up playing a narcissist in this drama. my low rating for the show comes from the fact that the younger brother gets no redemption in this series, he’s merely trapped for life. It just shows how the life goes on, even despite that brief moment of acknowledgment that the younger brother had and said to his sister, aren’t you also like that? Don’t you look down on me too. Perhaps it was showing a glimmer of awakening, but I would’ve loved to see him be at free from that prison. If there was a season 2, I’d like to see the series titled “Breaking free from my sister,” and how he cuts contact and lives and self sufficient life alone.

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