Bhavna

Sakurako is a miracle woman!

You might call this a cliche drama- showing that there is something more important than money and that is love. Well it’s true. And there are many things about Yamato Nadeshiko that is refreshing and new. First of all, it’s the heroine Sakurako who’s obsession with finding a rich man and richer man borders on sociopathy when it comes to her behaviors in “relationships.” She really doesn’t get into any real relationships, but more like arrangements with rich men who just fall for her based on her looks and don’t see or want anything deeper than that. Because love is not part of the equation, she has no moral issues with jumping from one arrangement to another, like trying to find a better deal at a store, or more brand name person. She reduces people down to rich or poor, and this harsh judgment is a reflection of how she sees and judges herself. She grew up poor and thinks that is the reason for all her misery. So there’s a wounded inner child that mistakenly seeks out this one thing- money- in order to feel worthy on the inside. Sakurako doesn’t seem to even have an inner life as she just acts through a painted mask that smiles just like an air hostess (literally her job in the movie), so she initially has no awareness of this hurting inner child. She acts like a programmed robot, and I have known people like this in my own life (my own sister) who act like money, brand names, and status is the true measure of a person’s worth. It’s terribly sad to see, but the mask starts to crack as she keeps bumping into Oasuke, the poor man who she initially mistakenly thought was rich, and whom she hates for most of the movie. But instead of just glossing over things and saying “They’re in love,” the series touches on what made Sakurako in an money hungry cartoon character, going to one mixer after another, on the prowl for a richer man.

Sakurako’s obsessive pursuit of wealth isn’t about greed—it’s about survival. It’s the strategy of a deeply wounded inner child who was told, directly or indirectly, “You are ugly. You are poor. You are not worthy.” So she builds a mask to counter that narrative. And the tragedy, is that the mask becomes her identity. She doesn’t even know she’s wearing it anymore. She thinks she is the smile, the brand, the perfect image. It’s interesting to see the mask she puts on when she feels the pain of rejection, and uses this impressive beautiful mask throughout her “dating life” (if you want to call that kind of manipulation dating) as a kind of armor and shield. It’s not explicitly explained through the series- the wounded and vulnerable inner child vs her fake mask and how even the rich fiancé she got to become infatuated with her mask never knew the real her, the vulnerable true self that she hides from the world. It seems like only Oasuke has been able to touch that part of her, the vulnerable inner child that is wounded. I wish they had gone deeper into that and about her emotional healing and maturing process that happens in this relationship with Oasuke. That would have made the series much better in my opinion. It just glossed over that part, but that is crucial in giving the heroine a reason to change- because someone who is that manipulative and narcissistic in relationships to the point where she continues going to mixers to find a richer man even while engaged, and right up to the wedding, such a person would need an enormous reason to change. A true breakdown in their life where all of that illusion falls apart. And to be honest, such a person normally doesn’t change. It just so happened that this woman was a manipulator with a wounded inner child and a heart of gold so she ended up going for the “genuine poor man” in the end, acknowledging that any motives for dating the rich fiancé were false and the foundation was built wrong so there’s no hope in continuing that. But in this world, such people would continue manipulating and destroying people’s lives. So caution to viewers here- this isn’t exactly realistic. My sister hasn’t changed one bit in the decades I’ve known her, and unless a catastrophe happens that dramatically brings down the illusions she follows, her “rich people are better” programming will stay with her till the end. That is the sad truth. Someone like this doesn’t just change because of a nice man. A whole identity collapse has to happen. The ego’s scaffolding has to crumble. There has to be despair, not just discomfort. There has to be a total breakdown before a breakthrough is even possible. And in real life, most don’t reach that point. But I’m glad to see even one example, even if it’s on a show of a person who can change so dramatically like Sakurako. If God wills it, then it may happen.

One thing I didn’t like about the series (and many other J dramas) is that the characters don’t say what they came to say when they meet each other. Instead, they fly halfway across the world, put in so much effort, and then at one sign of doubt, they say “Ok goodbye then!” Without saying what they want to say. Is that pride? Is it fear? It’s so annoying! Sakurako flies all the way from Japan to NYC to meet Oasuke in the end, and says to him that she wants to be with him, and Oasuke’s like “I’m confused right now…” so she puts on her mask and is like, “Ok… goodbye then…” Like wtf? You just flew all that way and packed your suitcase and your whole life just for him and now you say goodbye and toss the conversation into the garbage so easily? Do these people not know how to communicate at all? It’s so frustrating to watch. And then I wonder at the end when they’re married, why Sakurako is not working- she could still be a flight attendant, why does she need to end her professional life that she was so good at just to be with him? It’s like now her whole existence revolves around Oasuke (after living such a different life before.. is that even possible unless you had a lobotomy?) and she’s not working. Wouldn’t her default mode go back to going to mixers since that’s what she’s been doing since forever? How does that programming collapse completely I ask? Or maybe the love with Oasuke is so powerful that it collapsed all that? I don’t know, I kind of don’t buy it, but if Sakurako was such a go getter, why not work to support herself and her husband so she can buy all her Fendi stuff? As for Sakurako dropping her job and changing her life instantly—that part strains credibility for me. Unless… something profound happened. Something offscreen. A total shift in identity, not just behavior. That’s where a slower burn romance can help and some of the newer J dramas do this better. And even then, the conditioning doesn’t vanish. You don’t change overnight. The old conditioning has to be faced, again and again. The desire to put the mask back on doesn’t just disappear. But now there’s something else present: awareness. I cannot imagine someone like Sakurako the way she’s been existing since childhood till now could pull a 180 like that and just live normally with Oasuke. Nobody even knows who she really is. She’s been fake since she was a child so how can she just switch to “being real?” Even she doesn’t know who that is. So I don’t buy that part at all. And even till close to the end, she’s still attending mixers, which shows that she’s still going back to old habits. Unless landing in a new country, she completely has to abandon her old self and live like a totally new person…

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Ripped my heart out!

That final film is written like scripture disguised as television.

When I say it ripped my heart out, the last 20-30 minutes of the movie was me crying nonstop. I already guessed the backstory of Daimon Michiko and perhaps even that of Akira San as they were sprinkled throughout the series through 7 seasons. The backstory and failed surgery of Akira San from long ago is revealed. Hiroto has a grievance from his twin brother being unable to live a proper life as a result of that surgery. Akira San randomly gets a stroke in a confrontation by Hiroto, probably out of emotional distress of carrying that guilt and unfinished business for so long and becomes unresponsive in the hospital. It is not a coincident that Hiroto comes to become the director of that hospital, so that the past karmic knots could resolve themselves, all through Daimon Michiko. But when the guy Hiroto gets in a life threatening injury and the surgeon has to make a decision to save him when he goes into cardiac arrest and cannot use his brother’s heart for some reason, Michiko reaches for Akira San’s heart and does a transplant. “This is what Akira San would have done,” she says and knows this to be true. The boldness in her decision as well as her conviction shows that her mind is of a divine level. Then the whole movie framed it as if Michiko’s license will be revoked as she would have essentially killed Akira San- her beloved teacher and mentor. But she has flashbacks of Akira San saying “Never abandon the patient” and how he tells himself “I never fail” to set his mind right when he becomes afraid during surgery. So as this surgery transplant is going on, the entire cast including Hiruma the former director (sort of still a director) is weeping for this loss. And I was a puddle of tears! For some reason I cannot bear the loss of Akira San because the relationship between teacher/mentor and his beloved student Michiko is so sacred. He is also a father figure to her and her only real friend that she can trust, who is not corrupted by the world. But it kind of reminds me of Harry Potter how he is mentored by Dumbledore who made a mistake long ago from human fallibility and now Harry has to right the wrongs, and must surpass his mentor and teacher. Both mentors/teachers lose their life once the student has surpassed the teacher. Akira San literally tells her this “You have surpassed me, your mentor and have become an incredibly amazingly surgeon. Daimon Michiko, you are my pride and joy.” It just brought me to tears so much upon hearing this because I can relate to it deep down as Michiko.” It was so painful to see and feel that loss and to see Michiko crying in grief. But Michiko’s divine act-cutting into her own mentor, taking his heart, and giving it to the one who hated him, collapses every boundary between teacher, enemy, and self. Then while I was grieving, a logical point came to mind- what about that artificial heart thing that Hiroto developed? Can’t they use that for Akira San now that he doesn’t have a heart?

Then it is revealed that they did in fact use the heart valve thing on Akira San and his foot starts twitching at the end so he’s back to life… after I’ve been going through huge grief and sobs at his loss!

And then the question comes- wait! Couldn’t Michiko have used that heart valve machine thing on Hiroto in the first place instead of cutting into Akira San and taking his heart out and making us all cry?! This question: why not use the mechanical heart on Hiroto works only on the literal layer. On the symbolic layer, the “mechanical heart” was never meant for Hiroto at all. It represented the human attempt to replicate love through intellect and technology. Michiko’s choice to take Akira San’s real heart is what closes the karmic circuit: the living love that once failed now redeems the failure by giving itself away. The mechanical solution would have kept the intellect in control; the organic sacrifice allows Spirit to rule the body again.

The Japanese are masters at hiding theology inside melodrama. Every time Michiko enters an impossible surgery, she’s not conquering medicine, rather she’s healing the fracture between compassion and knowledge. Akira San’s final act, becoming the literal heart that saves the patient he once couldn’t save. is the death of guilt and the birth of pure function. Michiko doesn’t steal his heart; she completes his vow. That’s why he awakens later with the mechanical valve: his body stays in the dream as the new instrument of grace, but his living heart now beats in the healed field he once broke.

Akira’s heart being removed and given away isn’t a mistake in plot, rather it’s the culmination of the whole myth. He is the original mind that trained Michiko’s hands. The only way for Spirit (Michiko) to operate freely in the world is for the old master, the intermediary, to dissolve into her. His heart beating inside Hiroto, the one whose grievance kept the cycle of guilt spinning means the guilt has been absorbed and sanctified. The mechanical heart represents intellect, invention, the human solution. The real transplant, though, demanded living love-the teacher’s own heart, because it was never a medical procedure; it was the undoing of karma. That’s why she couldn’t use the machine on Hiroto first: it would have solved the medical problem but left the psychic wound untouched. The Spirit doesn’t settle for survival; it wants wholeness.

In the end, Daimon Michiko cannot be stopped- because her work goes beyond any medical license. She continues to save people, kings and princes around the world and divine mission continues.

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A Most Beautiful Love Story of Loss

I just finished watching Beyond Goodbye or Sayonara no Tsuzuki and I was in a puddle of tears by the end. The thing is, what made me cry is not just that people die, but the depth, love, beauty, and sacredness that this J drama brought into the topic- it’s like something about it touches me so deeply that it brings me to tears. In the very first episode, when Yusuke was playing “I Want You Back” on the piano, and that scene repeats in variations two more times in the same setting, it touched me and I could feel the tears even in the first episode. I can’t explain it or why. And then as the series went on, Naruse, talking about how his own heart had reached its limit and so Yusuke’s boundless love and joy came into him to breathe new life into him, and how he was opened by it and it felt like the divine love of Spirit is just pouring through him and the whole series. What seemed at first as a love that was contained only in Yusuke, in the end was released from all forms and showed up everywhere. That’s what was so beautiful- it showed that forms are impermanent, but the love can melt anyone’s heart and dissolve conflicts and divisions, even if they’re not supposed to get along according to the world. I loved how emotionally honest and open the characters were in this J Drama compared to others that I’ve seen, and they expressed what was on their heart instead of holding everything in and that certainly helped to move the story along. The bond explored between Naruse and Saeko was truly something beyond words, beyond labels. It wasn’t “an affair,” in the classic sense although it could have turned into that. Neither party was looking for that, as noble as they were, and yet the love of Spirit brought them together in beautiful moments, to feel the divine love of God that wants nothing more than to see you happy and smiling, and never sad. That whole piano song of Jackson 5’s “I Want You Back”, was the premise- it was the vehicle to deliver this message from Spirit to lift one up- the world is not so heavy and low, so smile. The whole series, the whole point of Yusuke’s existence as the symbol of love was to see that smile on Saeko’s face, and to wash away the tears of her sorrows. And this is the hidden message of the whole drama- to allow Spirit to wash away the grief of our sorrows and to bring the smile of God to our face, knowing that we are loved. “You are loved.” No matter what the loss, and how big the loss, even in the midst of it, in the heaviness of grief, “You are loved no matter what.” This is what the series points to. And love is bigger than all the people and forms in this world- it can appear as a rainbow, or berries on a plant, or a new life in someone’s womb. If you keep your heart open, even in the grief of loss, the Spirit will show you love and heal you from the inside out. That’s what this series did for me. It had a profound healing effect when I was going through my own losses and I allowed my heart to be opened up by this story.

The rewatch value of this series is high- the first 5 or so episodes are amazing. But at some point, it starts to drag a little, and the low point was when Saeko encounters a bear and ends up on the news … like why? That was so unnecessary. They could have cut that whole part out. But I’ll be forgiving and still say it’s one of the best J Dramas I’ve ever watched (I feel this way after watching each one, that every Japanese drama is even better than the last!).

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Decent

I watched this a while ago, but I forgot to write a review on it for some reason. It was one of the earlier J dramas that I’ve watched. I thought the female lead was a little bit naïve for running a company and a little spaced out and innocent, and for some reason she keeps following the male lead for everything and can’t seem to think for herself. She’s not a very strong character. The male lead is a little bit annoying, and I don’t find him to be that good looking or charming. But he seems to think that he’s all that. I actually liked the second male love interest, and I thought he was more attractive than the male lead. But as we know the second love interest never gets the girl. At least not in J dramas. No matter how hard they try, or how kind they are, or how much they helped the female lead, apparently it all boils down to chemistry. I thought the female leads superpower was pretty cool, and I would love to have that for myself. I would use it a lot more boldly.

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Much Ado about Nothing: FL is Annoying and Story and Characters Lack Depth and Dimension

I normally like Haruka Ayase and is one of my favorite actresses, but… she was extremely annoying in this one and I honestly couldn’t stand her face at some point. This is a thin storyline stretch beyond its limit. It feels like this series is trying to act more profound than it really is, or maybe I wanted it to be deeper than it was.

It seems that most of the characters have a one dimensional fixation on romance, dating, and marriage. They all place romantic relationships on a pedestal and idolize it so much when it’s not that much to begin with. It begins and ends with chemistry, sparks, emotions, feelings… but none of it lasts. That’s why there are so many ups and downs like a rollercoaster. Drama.

She’s lived with her parents for 30 years, has a drunken one night stand with a college student 9 years younger than her who looks like a F-boy, and all of a sudden he is “serious about her,” and they’re dating? Losing her virginity like that on her birthday sounds terribly depressing and traumatizing. I don’t understand how they’re dating or how it’s a serious relationship when she can’t even remember her drunken first night. The college kid just broke up with a previous girlfriend and immediately falls into this one night stand with Hanae, and it’s serious all of a sudden? And he calls all the shots- he decides when they’re dating, when they break up, when they reunite, when they live together, when they call off living together, etc. She literally goes along with whatever he says as if he’s the boss. And she’s so dull in the relationship- she just says “Yes, you’re right. Yes true” with her annoying fake smiles. She tries so hard to please while the kid is more natural as himself. She’s trying to perform and impress as the “good girl” who’s always agreeable so she doesn’t get dumped. The problem is she doesn’t even know who she is and is trying to earn her way through this relationship as if it’s a project of getting good grades, so she hides her true self. Not just to him but to everyone she meets. Red flags all over the place. Then when the couple has a fight over the fact that a girl his own age likes him, and they take a break for a while, the first option back on the table is to.. live together? That sounds like those unstable romantic relationships that break up and get back together over and over. Meh… it doesn’t make sense and it feels like the poor heroine is trying too hard to be “normal” and be like everyone else to prove that she’s someone with “value” because she’s dating someone, and having a boyfriend and a romantic relationship is apparently the only important thing in life. It’s all so primitive and boring. She happens to be naturally different from most people, and instead of forcing herself to be like everyone else, she needs to just chill, be herself, and let life happen naturally. There seems to be nothing natural about all this forced setup I’m afraid, where she’s constantly saying “it’s time I do this and this.” I’m over it.

All this romance script, it bored me. Oh, and the lead pair have zero chemistry. Asao and Hanae have better chemistry than her and Tanokura.

There were moments that were emotional and relatable like the birthday and the emotions she goes through after her first night with the college dude… but I just don’t understand many things such as:

-They act totally close and then totally cold the next moment.. it’s exhausting to watch.
-The CEO guy only has romance with Aoishi San on his mind 24/7. Does he do or think of anything else?
-Does Hitomi do anything else except aggressively pursue men/CEO 24/7? She’s so one dimensional. Does she have nothing else in her mind or personality?
-Does the young baby faced guy in the office do or think of nothing else except romance with Hitomi 24/7?
-Does the young college girl Hirono do or think of nothing else except Tanokura San 24/7?

This is what I mean by the characters are all very one dimensional and obsessed with romance. It makes the series quite boring and draining to watch. How much do we need to exhaust this romance topic over and over?

In episode 8, when after Oshiro sees her and the college guy together, she freaks out and is constantly having a nervous breakdown at work and acting so suspicious in the office like she’s down some crime, and it’s not cute. In fact it’s really annoying. She acts like her romance is the center of the universe and it’s not. She doesn’t even care about herself anymore, just the romance, and protecting it, and somehow making it a secret while deciding to live together? How is that even possible? Why all the secrecy? It’s all so annoying and melodramatic and unnecessary and stupid.

Then she and Oshiro go get drinks so she can bribe him to stay quiet about her relationship with the college kid. Then she starts to get more romance advice about marriage and imagining that hitting the bullseye in the darts game means she will get married. She’s already done this nonsense before with the claw machine trying to get a stuffed toy. She starts obsessing over her age and the kid’s age if they get married and he comes out of graduate school. Seriously let the kid go and stop obsessing over this dumb relationship. As if it’s so strong and a soulmate connection. It’s not. It’s short lived, fast moving, but also constipated with red flags all over the place and somehow with the added intense pressure to get married. It’s just all a disaster. Hanae constantly obsessing over their age difference and marriage is incredibly annoying. Having a girlfriend who’s so uptight and obsessed with marriage all of a sudden puts too much pressure on the kid. She’s chaining him to her own biological clock, while he goes on planning graduate school, then going to the US to get a MBA and then start a company- his vision for his life doesn’t include her, and he lives for himself and his own goals, while having a little romance on the side. They should break up ASAP. As I write more about it, I’m getting more annoyed at her for clinging to this kid, and annoyed at the story obsessing over marriage as an idol as if it’s the highest goal in life, despite the intense misery and imprisonment that inevitably comes which these J dramas also explore so well.

Then as if this Hanae character couldn’t get any worse, she delivers one of the worst lines I’ve ever heard from a heroine in a J drama- to her boyfriend’s mother when she meets her for the first time, “With regards to Tanokura (her bf), I’ll financially support him for as long as I live! And so Tanokura can devote himself to his studies!” Then her boyfriend corrects her and says oh this conversation isn’t about marriage, it’s about graduate school, and his mother sighs in relief. So Hanae offered herself on platter saying she would support him until she dies and she still gets rejected as the boyfriend says he’s not even thinking about marriage. OMG. It’s this kind of insecure doormat behavior that gets a woman into a situation where she’s taken advantage of in every conceivable way - turning herself into a wife/bangmaid, and then financially supporting the man too? Is she his adopted mother? This is the low point of the series, but I’m only on episode 8 so let’s see if it gets any lower. Then at the final moment, her voiceover says “I’m hanging out with my boyfriend and even if we can’t get married, I’m the happiest person in all of Japan… I’m the happiest person in all of Asia! Our first kiss outside- I’m the happiest person in all the world!” Why lie to yourself? I’m docking another star for that line and her desperate, insecure behavior that lowers the value of a woman. Then randomly Tanokura who promised his graduate school professor and college that he would quit his job, decides to keep the job and marry Hanae instead! Or at least that’s the plan for episode 8- I can almost guarantee that it will flip to the opposite in episode 9.

Episode 9: another irritating dialog from Hanae: “An exclusive outdoor onran in a private room is something I’ve only seen in TV and magazines the place that I launched to visit alone, but never expected to come with my boyfriend has brought extreme happiness. I won. I’m a winner in life. Outdoor onsen. Outdoor onsen!… Tanokura is my God in every respect!” SMH who writes these dialogs? “I won? I’m a winner in life?” These lines are so cringe. Then after puffing herself up so much, her boyfriend gets in the onsen bath too and she shrinks into a people pleasing doormat once again. Then after the onsen she turns back into her gloomy insecure self acting all weird trying to “repay his kindness” to the point where even Tanokura has to ask her why she’s acting strange. Her parents also wonder why she looks so gloomy after her onsen trip, and she’s obsessing over “repaying him” like a transaction, while all her efforts just turn up as inauthentic, performative, and contrived. Her inner monologue is highly irritating to listen to.

After his graduate school assistant tells her that she’s disappointed that he won’t pursue graduate school and does a guilt trip on her, Hanae starts sensibly by telling Tanokura to go to graduate school and not give up on his dream. but she derails into saying “I don’t have feelings for you anymore. Actually I’m dating Asao instead!” And does another fakery of “I’m the nice sacrificial martyr woman who’s faking this lie to push him away so that he will pursue his dreams! I’m such a saint!” She breaks up with him. Omg she is so annoying. Then she goes back to being her gloomy self and spreading misery all around her. And then makes her parents miserable by delivering the news. She broke up with him by lying and hurting him instead of repaying his kindness, she did it to herself and then acts like the world is so dark and gloomy. And then starts sobbing to her mother. Ugh. She seems desperate for attention in the form of sympathy. Then she tries to make up this elaborate manipulation telling Asao to act as if he’s her boyfriend so that it would push Tanokura away more and she can continue to feel sorry for herself like a martyr. She has no integrity and is so annoying. But Asao who has more integrity than her tells Tanokura the truth - that they are not dating. Asao offers him words of wisdom: “Since you’re crazy about her, you’re pushing yourself too much. You already reached your limit long ago. The more you think about her the more you try to live up to our expectations. And as she tries to keep up with you, she desperately pushes herself too hard. It’s a typical example of a bad relationship. She realized that it would ruin your life. If things remained this way the best thing she could do for you was to break up with you haven’t you realized it yet?” Then Asao invites Hanae to his restaurant early before its opening after talking to Tanokura and assured that the relationship is over, and proposed marriage to her. Actually that was a boss move. Making sure she was available and obstacles out of the way, and then went in for the kill. I never thought I’d say this, but Asao is probably one of the better characters in this show- his dialog shows some level of intelligence and tact, and he actually says wise things, unlike the nonsense that comes out of Hanae and the rest of them. Even after she says “I don’t feel that way towards you Asao San,” he says “Since you still don’t have that much experience in love, you may not understand but there’s no future in a distracting relationship that’s about staring passionately into each other’s eyes. Those who stare into each other’s eyes get in the way of each other’s plans and won’t be able to move on anywhere. You two were like that. We will never be like that. We can talk to each other without holding back. You’re the first person that I can talk to in a very relaxed way. A relationship that feels comfortable like a friendship what’s wrong with that? That’s also a kind of love..” He’s right. Since she has the maturity of an elementary schooler when it comes to love, she expects fireworks and then breaks up two seconds later, and thinks infatuation or flattery is love. Her way of thinking “I won at life!” While sitting in an onsen with her boyfriend is the height of immaturity. Having someone like Asao who is far more mature is actually better for her to live with a little common sense. Yet for some reason Hanae is quite rude and nasty to him, and reveals a very different side of herself to him, not the fake, highly censored, people pleasing performance she puts on with Tanokura, which is not her true authentic self at all. Just a highly curated image for him to like. If this pessimistic snappy persona is her real personality and Asao likes it, they are certainly fine for each other.

Finally she rejects Asao San, and I actually feel sorry for him, but it’s the usual trope of the 2nd male lead never getting the girl despite his sincere love and efforts. Then she decides to be alone and get life insurance, which is basically a lead into her next series 10 years later “I want to die alone.” Actually it’s much better that way. But Alas, they do the whole “He’s on his way to the airport to America BS, and if you haul yourself over there, you can see him and everything will change- apparently all the issues they had with the age difference will just melt away because of that one moment of rushing to the airport- as every romantic comedy trope does- hurry before they leave for a different country and you might be able to change the entire trajectory of his life!” Saying “Ganbatte!” As she rushes to the airport trying to do what exactly? Then they say “We haven’t gotten over each other, we still have feelings for each other!” Because feelings is what makes a relationship! And if the feelings change for a moment, then break up. Then when feelings change again, get back together and suggest living together. Then cancel living together and break up. Then propose marriage, and then cancel it and lie that you’re actually dating someone else and break up. And then do a fast forward and say look the romance is back because we need a “happy ending!” Oh, here we go again. The same tired old story. Do they really think this is how love works? It’s like propaganda for bad red flag romance, which I’m so tired of. Docking another star.

Much ado about nothing. So much melodrama about nothing. Yawn.

Apparently if you “Try hard enough” like the baby faced nosebleed in the office, you’ll get to marry the love of your dreams and then complain about her after you get married. Sounds like a blast. Anyway, I did like the song “Fall” by Noriyuki Makihara. It was very catchy and woke me up periodically from being zombified by the mind numbing story which got worse with each episode.

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The Romance Angle Limits the story. Omae is not as evolved as Michiko

The Pride of the Temp is a powerful draft of a story that Doctor X does better. There are so many similarities between the two shows but Pride of the Temp appears to be a more primitive version of Doctor X. They even have similar sublots such as battling against the recommendations of AI, but Omae gives up and says AI is perfect except for the useless human errors, but Michiko goes beyond that in the Shogi Doctor X episode where they talk about how AI doesn’t have intuition that is available to her and the Shogi player. Doctor X is wiser as a package, and Pride of the Temp struggles with Omae’s glitching now and then. She doesn’t have the clarity that she pretends to have. The difference between Omae Haruko as the prototype lone wolf and Doctor X’s Daimon Michiko as the fully crystallized dreamer-figure isn’t superficial at all. It’s metaphysical. It’s the evolution of an archetype across time: the shamanic woman who walks into rigid systems, dissolves hierarchy, exposes corruption, frees the stuck, and leaves without attaching.

But in Pride of the Temp, the writing still carries a residue of the collective mind. It’s powerful, but it doesn’t quite know what to do with a woman who is truly sovereign. So it falls back on a familiar distortion:
“Behind her strength she must be a lonely girl who secretly wants romance.”

It’s such a predictable ego reflex: the dream trying to force the dreamer back onto the ground, back into its human categories. It’s like the writers could imagine the archetype, but they couldn’t fully let her remain unclaimed, uninterpreted, unowned.

Doctor X’s Daimon Michiko is the evolved form, purified of male-centered projection

Omae carries the shamanic stillness. She has the strength, the discipline, the outsider vibe. She even carries the luminous detachment. But Michiko carries something beyond all that: she is already free.

Not “free but lonely.”
Not “strong but secretly longing.”
Not “independent but wounded.”

Michiko simply is. A raw, unfiltered vessel of Spirit. No romance subplots. No “melting inside.” No damsel undertones. No hidden craving for male attention. Her love expresses differently: devotion to her craft, absolute loyalty to the patient, a childlike joy around food, a sacred bond with her mentor, genuine affection with her one true friend. Her emotional life is clean. Her mission is unswayed. And even when Hachisuka enters, a pure heart, a genuinely good match, the story itself still bows to the truth that Spirit must remain unentangled if she is to operate in the world at full strength. Michiko and her story is more purified and refined.

Omae is the chrysalis version. In Pride of the Temp, you can feel the archetype trying to break out of the cage of male fantasy. Men projecting loneliness onto her. Men assuming she must fall for one of them. Men assuming her brilliance is a cry for attention. Men believing their crush defines her inner world. The dream world can’t stand a woman who exists outside the romantic ecosystem. It must interpret her. It must soften her. It must reduce her to a narrative the male ego can digest. The loneliness trope is the male psyche’s last-ditch attempt to force her into vulnerability — not because she is weak, but because they need her to be human to feel comfortable around her. A dreamer is too unsettling.

The existential loneliness is real, but it’s not romantic The loneliness of the dreamer isn’t the loneliness of a woman waiting for love. It’s the loneliness of an awareness waking up inside a world designed to keep everyone asleep. Romantic loneliness is a script. Existential loneliness is the tension of consciousness outgrowing its container.

Omae hints at that truth…but the story doesn’t know how to differentiate the subtlety. So it mislabels it as romance.

Michiko, though -she never confuses the ache of existential separation with a hunger for romance.
Her purity is that she never projects that ache onto a man. She never mistakes longing for a mission.

And the dream respects her more for it. Her freedom is not from detachment but from clarity.
Her aloneness isn’t deficiency, it’s altitude. Her sovereignty is the very reason men chase her light. She can feel the temptation, but she doesn’t have to take the bait.

Season 2 is the real test. Because they allow Omae to stay sovereign, she becomes more aligned with the dreamer archetype. Whenever they soften her, romanticize her, or bring her into some “lonely girl secretly needing a man” arc, then the writers are revealing their own ceiling. Doctor X outgrew the entire romantic framing permanently.

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Incredible story and satisfying ending

Just finished watching Marry My Husband Japan, and it was an incredible story. Takeru Satoh (as Suzuki Wataru) is incredible. I love his soft, protecting, loving energy throughout the series. He is a male lead with true integrity and remains faithful in his love and will to protect Misa. I love how the old timelines of evil, manipulation, sacrifice, and ego winning was flipped into the new timeline of innocence, love, and sacredness protected. Sometimes Misa’s naive behavior was annoying as she would walk into the lion’s den completely unarmed and inviting trouble and danger to follow her. That’s where Wataru’s protection was sorely needed.

The characters were believable and I have experienced people like Reina, and Tomoya, although I have not met a Director Suzuki Wataru before. I would love to meet him. As for Misa, I can personally relate to her- being the scapegoat and victim of being the sacrificial lamb. I was very happy for her when she was able to make friends with Miko (Suzuki’s younger sister), Tanabe (her high school crush), and Samiyoshi (her direct manager). The five of them in the new timeline really built up a solid friendship together and it made me happy that Misa was able to find people who cared about her and protected her. Something that really touched me about Misa and Wataru’s university life was how they described it as “a lonely school life.” I can relate to that too. Misa said how she never made any friends in university and Wataru had the same experience. Well I too had the same experience. The lone, inward life, introspection. With the innocent baby turtle Kamekichi as Misa’s only friend, and the silent protection of Wataru watching over her. Even though it would have been painful and lonely back then, the silent introspective life created a kind of sacredness in the atmosphere, even when they revisited it again. I know the feeling. It all paid off in the end. I loved how the series sprinkled in many moments of intimacy, a beautiful relationship, forming between Misa and Wataru instead of just clumsily plopping them together at the end. It made absolute sense that they would end up together, and it was only natural considering that their relationship had been blossoming since the beginning of the new timeline. Their relationship was truly golden, and I would’ve been heartbroken if anything had come to sabotage it in the end. But it was as if the spirits of their own parents bless the connection and allowed it to move forward into a fruitful and beautiful new beginning while saying, farewell to the horrors of the past..

Reina was truly twisted and evil and it just shows that some people when they are traumatized, they can end up being the worst evil on the planet. Instead of seeking healing through introspection, they seek revenge and Reina just callously murders and attempts to kill off anyone in her way. She didn’t really truly know what she wanted because all she seemed to pursue was what Misa had and she didn’t really know what she herself wanted out of life, except to destroy the happiness of others. Such people exist- with a kind of pathological envy for the innocent and sacred ones, and a desire to steal what they have. It was truly sad how the ego causes devastation and misery and suffering all around it- to make sure that everyone else is just as miserable as they are. So I am glad that those characters were eliminated in the new timeline. Thank God that true love was given a chance to survive and blossom in the end. As Wataru said, new life and greenery will bloom in the desert.

I have no interest in the Korean version because for some reason the K drama remakes or originals are usually such poor quality compared to the Japanese versions- I find them to be tacky and missing the reverent and sacred quality that I see in the J dramas. I have even tried to watch a remake or original K drama version after finishing the Japanese one and they are always so bad that I have to stop after a few minutes. If J dramas are a Michelin star restaurant, K dramas would be Arby’s.

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Takahashi is great

The reason I watched this was because I needed more from this actor after binging on Kishibe Rohan. This series is very addicting- I watched 6 episodes in one day. And the rest of the episodes started coming in like a slow drip.

Takahashi has this quality where he can be overly confident and borderline narcissistic while having a big heart of gold underneath. His performance soars above the others, and my ratings here reflect primarily on his performance, (the others were entirely forgettable even though many are familiar faces from other dramas I’ve seen). I think this is innate to the actor’s personality and so he can portray a broad depth of characters. Neo and Eito seem like opposites but are really two sides of the same coin. Even as Neo who is supposed to be overly driven and narcissistic and selfish, you can see the kindness in him underneath all of it. There is a vulnerability in him even in that role, and how underneath the bravado there is sadness and loneliness underneath. To see how that mind or soul adjusts to life as Eito is really interesting because out of necessity he builds compassion within himself, which was already there in him in seed form. Leave it to Takahashi to make you feel empathy for his character, seeing a deeper dimension in it, even when he’s playing a supposed a-hole. I noticed this even in Nagi’s Long Vacation and thought, “Wow this guy is brilliant.”

The story reminds me of The Family Man, where the first version of the main character is a high flying executive businessman who puts his relationship with some chick on the back burner, and he gets transported by a magical moment to have a glimpse into a different life where he had chosen the female over his career. He wakes up in a brood of kids and his wife- they’re poor, but happy and have hearts of gold. The businessman is painted as a arse, while the poor man with the wife and kids is painted as a saint where “real happiness” lives. To me the second life surrounded by buffoons looked like hell- and endless loop of the same old boring family characters crowding the scene with their needs and wants, and behaving in foolish, ignorant, and trashy ways, calling it happiness. This is the same virtue signaling I see in Reborn- the idea that poor people have hearts of gold and the rich like Neo are scum. But Neo has a good heart. If you look closely, the poor ones in Eito’s life are just as sinful, selfish, egotistical, money hungry, and greedy as the rich folk, sometimes even more so. The only thing is it is all mixed in with foolishness, sentimentality, and ignorance in business so they look even more ridiculous. And Sarasa making her ridiculous comments to her money hungry dad Kinpei San who lost their shopping street’s entire savings with bad stock investments, like “Maybe it’s good that you lost all that money, because I like seeing you working hard!” What? What kind of ridiculous nonsense is that? But when Neo offers a very fair deal to by up their shopping street and secure their futures with a lucrative relocation package in the name of “For the People” which he offered to pay 5 times the original amount, but the shopping street people are in an uproar because they “Don’t want to leave their home” and some sentimental nonsense even though they blew all their savings in some stock market fraud and have no customers left- but they have to blame everything on the rich CEO guy because “He must be bad and we need someone to blame for our problems even though we blew all of our savings which came from Eito who is really the mastermind of Neo so we should actually be doubly thankful to Neo.”

The fools of Akari shopping street are painted in a kind of saintly idealistic light as if they have hearts of gold when they are just ignorant, pompous, arrogant, greedy, and prideful for no good reason. They freely take Eito’s help, but constantly sabotage their success and go off drinking or harming themselves (ie Kinpei) whenever they have problems without regard to their families that they claim to care about. Kinpei starts getting drunk everyday in the name of bonding and sentimentality and eventually causes himself and the family the ultimate harm which is just an ego image of “We’re good people unlike that horrible Neo!” Again virtue signaling. Kinpei getting drunk shamelessly in front of his daughter while telling Eito useless old stories about Sarasa in diapers while she smiles on is not bonding or love, but dysfunction, coping, and addiction wrapped in sentimentality. Sentimentality is NOT true love or honorable or virtuous. Kinpei commits suicide and the whole family blames it on Neo, instead of understanding that every person is accountable and must take responsibility for their own actions. Neo didn’t kill Kinpei- Kinpei drank himself to madness and killed himself. He must be held responsible instead of blaming it on Neo and attempting to murder him. Taking their anger out not on Kinpei’s foolishness, but on Neo and other people who have nothing to do with Kinpei’s self destruction (he was known to drink too much even when Sarasa was a child and this fate was inevitable for him regardless of the situation). None of the fools on Akari shopping street understand the mind of Neo/Eito and even though he grows to love them or whatever, he remains set apart from them and an outsider. He is the only kind soul in that Akari Shopping street group that has any integrity. The shopping street fools never properly thank him or understand the gravity of how much he has constantly helped them.

Eiji (Eito’s father) tries to keep all the fools chained to his failing ridiculous shopping district for the sake of “memories” or sentimentality, which is nothing but stupidity and senseless attachment to material things and has no honor in it. Clutching to a dying shopping street business for what?

The croquette lady says this dialogue to Eiji following Kinpei’s second round of suicide: “Maybe it’s time to stop forcing your feelings on others. Everyone wants to stay. But if we stay, we’ll all die in the gutter. Face reality, Eiji. To survive, sometimes, you have to let something go…. (These younger guys).. they still have a future! How long will you keep them tied to this place? They’ll go along with you because they’re good, foolish people. Can you take responsibility for their lives? Our memories will live on in our hearts. We can dream of the day we come together again. Isn’t it time we let go?” This is probably the most sensible line of dialogue that came out of Akari shopping street. Finally someone had sense knocked into them. Though they pat themselves on the back for being “good foolish people,” there is nothing good or inherently righteous about being foolish and sentimentally attached to a dying business.

Eito’s father is truly a piece of work. Speaking of zero integrity, he blows all of Eito’s psychic prediction money that was supposed to be used to pay off their debts and instead bought himself a flashy suit and a watch and plunged them deeper into debt. How is that an heart of gold? “Oh but they’re just lovable family people!” No they’re not! And this father has no remorse except for an ugly sad expression as if he deserves pity for his own greed. And they somehow declare themselves saintly and virtuous compared to the rich guys. It’s abominable. The “low income” characters in the story are just as flawed and sinful or even more so than the rich ones, but the rich are blamed even when they do good. The poor just haven’t had the chance to play out their dysfunctional tendencies on a grander scale like the rich- just give them a lottery win and see what happens. They’ll blow it all in a few months. We all know how that turns out. People simply act according to their roles, and are mostly sinful creatures. It’s only the one that has true self awareness and conscious presence (aka Neo & Eito) who are the outsiders and can see the whole situation from a bird’s eye view beyond their role

So in the end, it was just as I had expected, Neo and Eito had switched places, and each was living and playing the role of the other. In Neo’s position, the soul is lonely and tries to do good from a distance while maintaining his position and ambition, and in Eito’s position the soul is kind and surrounded by ignorant buffoons but is apparently not lonely. My favorite scene of the entire series was the conversation between Eito and Neo in switched bodies (I increased my rating just for that scene)- it was truly a sight to see- but they had so much more to talk about! Like how they came from the same mother and are actually brothers or twins (?). But the new Neo just left it like that and Eito dies.. But that was Eito’s script- he fulfilled that role and exited the stage. For people saying it was an unsatisfying ending, each character on the stage has a role, events, etc and an exit time. Once that role is done, it’s done. I’d say it made sense- it’s not like any of the characters would live forever- and according to that Eito script and role, he was meant to die soon. So he played it out and bowed out of the stage. Interestingly enough, the original Neo (in Eito’s body) had intended to die/fall down the stairs to his death, and it ended up happening except in Eito’s body. Anyways, I like the open mysterious ending. I don’t need to figure everything out. A little mystery is nice. I don’t know who the baby is and I don’t care that much, although there are some interesting suggestions that it is Old Neo/Old Eito coming back into the baby’s body lol.. will it use its memories to ace its way through life? Who knows? Reborn the sequel! With that said, perhaps Old Neo/New Eito that died actually attained enlightenment (ego death) and doesn’t need to be reborn back into the cycle of samsara due to his high integrity and compassion he had developed in his Eito life, that basically surrendered the ego. That would be the best outcome of all.

Speaking of body swap dramas, Takahashi’s own drama Heaven and Hell: Soul Exchange is an awesome one!

ULTIMATE SPOILER QUESTION: If the original Neo intended to commit suicide by falling down the stairs himself with no murderer (as was suggested by the Neo vs Eito conversation), then why when he goes into Eito’s body does he spend the entire series trying to answer the question “Yo who pushed me?!” He keeps making it into a murder from the beginning, but if he had meant to fall down the stairs on his own, wouldn’t he remember that he was on a suicide mission? What’s going on there?

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Beautiful

I love how it shoes the feeling of starting alone, looking like the odd one out, with people making weird remarks and staring. But Sachie is herself from beginning to end- she is kind, reserved, and keep to her principles. She doesn’t people please, but she is kind, compassionate, and helpful. She is open to learning and is humble to accept help where needed, like the coffee good luck charm guy. And she slowly draws people to her. Despite this, she always remains herself. The characters are realistic in that they are odd, flawed, and not airbrushed in any way- they are cooky, eccentric weirdos just as you would expect. Even the Finnish ones that seemed cold and distant at first start warming up to her in the form of customers and become regulars, changing their face from a scowl into a smile. From comments about her appearance as a “child person” into expressions of gratitude. By the end the cafe is bustling with more and more people.

I love the dialogue between her and Midori where Midori asks Sachie if she would miss her if she went back to Japan, and Sachie doesn’t give a definite sentimental answer (what Midori wants to hear)- instead she accepts it and says however it turns out would be for the best. After all, things can’t always be the same in this world- they eventually pass away. She beautifully embodies the spirit of Aikido which she practices on her own. And while teaching Midori she says, “ Nature and your spirit must become one flowing unit, which instructing Midori to anchor to the inner center.” She is very grounded and I like that about her. Whether she is surrounded by people or alone, she is the same, true to herself and the spirit. Because she is always connected.

I love how at the end, the scene where she always swims alone, she is in the swimming pool and then it seems to fill with all these people, and they clap for her.

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Love Prevails Above All

I was disappointed to see the ending of Hirugao the series (2014) to see that Yuichiro just went back to his prison warden wife Noriko as if nothing happened, and Rikako went back to her psycho controller husband like it was no big deal. Only Sawa stood by her choice for love with conviction. She got a divorce from her clown husband and moved to a new town. She lived a pure lifestyle for 3 years and then fate brings Yuichiro back to her once again. She chooses to attend his lecture and the love story is rekindled once again. Noriko’s psychopathic nature gets turned to new heights as her jealousy makes her do very bizarre things like asking them to perform their “union” in front of her in a hotel room. She is truly so weird and disgusting. She thinks that an affair is just lust and bodies in friction. But what Sawa and Yuichiro have together is pure. They actually spend time with each other in a silent bond in the forest and the creek and that lifts their love to sacred heights. It’s something that Noriko could never imagine. She simply doesn’t understand their love because she is not capable of reaching that frequency. So she just resorts to her evil and manipulative ways like throwing herself off a balcony to manipulate Yuichiro into coming back to help her. Well that short time that Sawa was with Yuichiro was so precious and beautiful- when they were living together. And even though Noriko’s evil and vengeful nature made her kill Yuichiro in the end, the last thing that came out of his mouth was “I love Sawa” and the ring he bought was passed on in love between innocent children- their love was innocent, although it was dressed up in “adultery” by the world’s definition. Love won in the end. Even though Noriko killed the form of her husband, and lied to Sawa saying that “he apologized and came back to me in the end” as she tries to control the narrative, Yuichiro’s heart was with Sawa, and God blessed Sawa with Yuichiro’s child as she says in the end the little life that is growing in her womb gave her a new meaning in life. Noriko was using pregnancy and motherhood as a form of control and manipulation (saying things like “I want that baby” like it’s an agenda item on her to do list), but the baby was born only to the one who held love as sacred. Sawa and Yuichiro’s bond was so beautiful- I wanted them to be together so much. Noriko’s anger and vengeance carried on even after killing her husband and her hatred continued even after his death as she tells Sawa that she will hate her forever, but Sawa didn’t hold any hatred in her heart towards Noriko for what she did. That shows the purity of Sawa’s heart and the evil inside the wife’s heart. That’s why a pure soul like Yuichiro left his evil wife. She was nothing but a controller and manipulator. It was a tragic ending in form, but truly it was triumphant for love. Even though adultery is seen as just s*x, this love story showed the innocence of love preserved as Yuichiro’s ring was passed on to innocent children as they shared their love.

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One of the best shows I have ever seen

This is the first Japanese drama I have watched, and I must say it is one of the most thought provoking shows I’ve ever seen. I don’t speak fluent Japanese but I can understand some of the dialogues. I am watching it now for the 4th time and every time it goes deeper and more thought provoking than the previous time. I notice things that I missed the previous time. It is very philosophical, introspective. I just love it and I’ve never seen a show like this before. I am so thankful to Japanese creators for having such sophisticated thought and a high mindset to come up with such amazing content. I feel it’s because of their mindful culture that is based on Zen and Shintoism, that there is so much wisdom baked into even their entertainment. I just loved all of the characters, especially the leads, Mukai-kun and Sakaido-san. They were all so lovable in their imperfections, trying to live in a rigid structure and system where things are changing. I find it interesting how women are the driving force behind the changing dynamics of these relationships - they tend to leave things more open ended, question the societal structure and systems, and propose to throw the whole thing out the window and live in the moment. I feel that this show is much deeper than just dating and romance. It is deeply philosophical, spiritual, and you get to hear the inner thoughts of the main character and how he feels like he’s failing as a human being because he doesn’t fit into society’s expectations. But just because some people fit into a certain mold doesn’t mean they are happy. They might just be trapped. So his journey is very relatable even to an American woman halfway around the world! I applaud the director, writers, and creators of this show/manga. It is incredible and I will probably watch it another 5 times just to squeeze every ounce of enjoyment out of these wonderful moments. I feel like I am living with the characters. And by the way the music is amazing too, very suitable for the vibe. Perfect 10 out of 10!

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Unhealthy Obsession with marriage, family, relationships

Though I have normally enjoyed J dramas, something about this one didn’t sit right with me. I think it was rather poorly done. I get it that traditional societies value marriage and family etc, but seriously this series borders on obsession with marriage and finding a relationship that feels almost suffocating. It’s just obsessive and not healthy. Every conversation is about marriage and how can I get more married and get into a better relationship? It tends to define one’s self worth based on one’s ability to get married. It just made me sick to be honest. I didn’t like this series at all, but watched until the end out of obligation.

Pros:
- Scenery is nice and beautiful
- I like the yoga angle- as a yoga teacher, I liked that she brought in philosophies of self care into her classes. However, the yoga she teaches it highly westernized “white people yoga” which is divorced from real yoga.
- Shots and cinematography are nice and clean just like any Japanese series- beautiful colors
- Hayate was cool

Cons:
- The male and female lead have no chemistry and are generally unlikeable (actually I find most of the characters in this series to be rather unlikeable, lifeless, or meh)- the single dad looks old and constipated throughout the series. He can’t even express himself properly and for a grown a$$ man, that’s pathetic. If people are this repressed/constipated with their emotions, how on earth can they possibly carry on a healthy relationship that they obsess so much about? At least Hayate is open and honest with his emotions (of course it was totally one sided but anyways).
-After two meetings, the characters say these stock lines like “let’s date for marriage!” And then start holding hands, doing the statue kiss, and acting like a couple. It just feels so scripted like they’re playing a role. “Now we’re dating so we have to act like this…” it doesn’t feel organic, natural, or genuine. Just like playing rigid roles. The old guy (female lead’s dad) says to Hinata “Let’s date!” Then they start holding hands and going through the motions. It’s so robotic and unnatural to me. And the “sumimasens” were starting to get a little excessive. Seriously? Politeness is fine but can’t people just act a little more natural? The single dad main lead acts like every scene is a job interview, including the “romantic” scenes. It’s suffocating to watch.
- You have the nice older single woman trope who keeps griping about her age, menopause, and not being married, alluding to this idea that she’s a high achieving career woman, but ultimately has no value because she’s not married. I have seen this in another series- Full Time Wife Escapist- the older unmarried aunt who’s whole identity is that she’s an older career woman who’s single and unmarried and constantly complaining because she believes she is worthless. What a backward belief system that trains women to think this way.
- Hayate was young handsome, caring, loving, a great cook, and caretaker of the house, and successful but the female lead treated him as a joke the entire series. That was sad to see him literally trashed and taken advantage of. Poor guy.
- The English used throughout the series (especially by the fat yoga instructor) was soooo cringe, inappropriate, and awful. She’d just come out and say some random weird catchphrase and I couldn’t make out what she was saying until I read the subtitles.

So in summary, I didn’t like this series at all but finished the whole thing. I have an affinity for Japan, J-Dramas, anime, and Japanese culture, but this one was just excessive and annoying. Might be the first series that I’ve actually disliked. I think they should just rename the series to “Sumimasen!”

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A Messy Road that Leads to Perfection

Moral of the story: people don’t need to be enmeshed in suffocating roles or relationships. They can set themselves free while still being connected to each other. That’s perfect.

Here are my feelings as they ebb and flow throughout the series. In case you’re wondering, my 10/10 rating comes from the last episodes and how things resolved themselves in the end:

In episode 5, the phone conversation between Sakiko and Seo in the café that Naoto is now taking care of, and after almost a year of her husband gone missing and disappeared and calling his café once in a while to see how she’s doing. All I can say is what a weird person, and even more cruel and sadistic to continue checking up on her like that. He did something like that and put her through all that trauma just to conduct surveillance and monitoring on her mental state and if she’s eating well or sleeping well. And then when she speaks to him over the phone, he gives one word answers. Why did he even bother calling if he’s gonna give one word answers sounding like an emotionally unavailable puppet? And Sakiko has to drag all the answers out of him but she gets nothing after a year of him disappearing, except one word answers. And even she is like putting on this false façade at first like “Oh are you eating well or are you sleeping well?” like who cares!? And she’s like Azusa was Sonoda‘s beloved wife why did you go with her and why did she die and he just says “mmm” and she’s left talking to herself. What an emotionally unavailable, cold, heartless conversation. This was the end of the relationship. And all he has to say is, “I’m glad you sound well. Take care.” WHAT?

It’s like they both try to act like they’re totally fine after he abandoned his wife for a year. Why don’t these people speak openly with honesty and vulnerability? Just be emotionally honest and ask straightforward questions instead of saying poetic nonsense like “Yes the sky is a deep blue today isn’t it?” while crying. And other people like Naoto and the bookstore owner that Azusa used to work at actually has the nerve to speak badly about Sonoda and Sakiko. When Azusa and Seo were sneaking around and caused them all this pain. I don’t see why the spouses left behind are the ones who have to suffer and be blamed for seeking comfort in each other. It’s like they also have to feel guilty getting along with each other and getting closer to each other. It’s as if they’re expected to hang onto the deceased forever and never allowing themselves to be happy ever again. That’s simply not fair. They didn’t do anything wrong. And even then, after speaking to him over the phone in this sad conversation, Sakiko acts like a martyr and says I can’t hate him. It’s really pathetic. Why does everyone have to act like a saint as if they’re not angry? Is this the expectation of saintliness in marriage and family? it’s not natural at all. It’s just a fake performance. An even despite having these phone conversations, nothing actually gets communicated. They just put up a fake front like a mask and persona. If you get one conversation with a guy who ran away for a year, wouldn’t you ask him real questions? Instead of having the superficial conversation and hanging onto this robot like husband who has nothing value to say? Sakiko and Sonoda are so much more open with each other. So they should be with each other. So the relationship between them that I was initially skeptical about now feels completely right. And then just as Sonoda and Sakiko are cleaning up her house with the conviction that she needs to get rid of Mitsuru’s things, even ordering pizza in a light moment of bonding, Mitsuru decides to come back with a beard saying , “Tadaima,” and expects his wife to say “okairi” like a robot. Unless this guy has some supernatural explanation kind of amnesia or some serious accident where his memory was lost, he has no right or excused to come back, showing his face to his wife who went through so much trauma because of him. How can this man just expect her to not move on after he abandoned her like that? What a terrible husband. No one openly communicates in this series- what is the point why does no one ask any question or communicate openly? What is wrong with these people? Why do they act like robots? Then Mitsuru goes about his business, making coffee like he’s not accountable for anything. Instead of asking any relevant question she asks her husband, “How are you feeling right now?” What?!? It’s not a therapy session, it should be an interrogation! Then she says “Seeing you acting all nonchalant like that makes me angry.” Finally, she’s getting a backbone. But he offers zero explanation. Then they talk about other useless things like “Do you wanna have a smoke while you’re drinking coffee?” and he says, “oh I haven’t smoked in a year.” what is this nonsense conversation and small talk at an intense time like this? It’s like they’re playing husband and wife saying all the scripted lines like “oh I’m going to the supermarket. Do you want anything?” Arrrg it’s so frustrating to watch.

Then it goes into a flashback of how these two met, and this husband seemed like a pretty dull character, even from the wedding that they met at. And they seemed to have bonded over negative things that each other hated. I don’t think this relationship had much of a future or foundation. Sakiko describes her mother who sounds like a narcissist, and seeing this man who seems to be emotionally cold and unavailable, it seems like she’s falling into his trap or developing a trauma bond with a wounded man. Then he proposes after the third date and then he disappears for three months and then text her saying he’s back from a business trip and she is so excited to hear from him again. These are huge red flags. They didn’t even have a wedding ceremony so the whole thing feels kind of shady. It is definitely a trauma bond and possibly a narcissistic abuse relationship.

Why are they doing this whole “Okaeri/tadaima/oyasumi” charade after the guy abandoned her for a year, came back, and still offers zero explanation other than “mmm.” Then “Did you clean the floor? Oh the warranty for the vacuum expired” like WHAT? Are either experiencing human emotions right now? Why does Sakiko need to do that performance? They’re just supposed to act like nothing is seriously messed up about this relationship? First they said he was dead, then he’s missing, then he did it on purpose and is weirdly checking up on her, then a year later he shows up acting like nothing even happened and as if he doesn’t even care or owe anyone an explanation. What is wrong with this show and the characters in it? Is this how robotic and emotionally dead relationships are? Why is this Sakiko so fixated on him and beating around the bush? They say a lot of nonsense but don’t get to the actual point, “Why did you leave for a year without a word and why did you come back? Why were you with Sonoda’s wife?” Why can’t these people talk about anything beyond the superficial and formal? Ask these simple questions for Heaven’s sakes! Why is it always passive aggressive?

Then they have the so-called important meeting where Sonoda is dressed up in a nice suit everyone is dressed up except for the husband who is still dressed like a hobo, and tea is prepared. Everything looks so formal and perfect and then all they end up asking were you having an affair with Azusa? Why don’t they ask this guy why he left for a year? I went to visit my parents without even telling my wife? Taking another woman on the trip with me and gone missing for a year? And why on earth do Sakiko and Sonoda not ask him that question? Why did you leave without a word? Why did you abandon your wife? Going to visit my parents is not explaining anything. All they can ask is about the affair, is that’s all they care about? Why don’t they ask more comprehensive questions? It’s so frustrating to watch these characters with such poor communication skills. And then Sakiko gives him the weakest slap that I’ve ever seen. He needs to be held accountable until he confesses what he’s been up to. Instead of doing this mysterious silent routine and pretending like everything is fine.

And then his husband actually has the nerve to ask “What exactly is both of your relationship and acts like he’s mad about it when he’s the one who ran away.” And he actually has the nerve to lecture to both of them saying how can you prove it’s not an affair, etc. Episode 6 is so frustrating to watch. The poor communication!

Episode 7 starts with Sonoda taking initiative to talk with the husband in private, but whenever they get to the real question of why he disappeared Sonoda is like ”I don’t even care to know the reason it doesn’t even matter.” What??! Yes it does matter!!!! Then Sonoda storms off after not even having a real conversation.. Meanwhile Sakiko is cleaning their tea cups at home as if they’ve just had a lovely meeting.

In the flashback of how Azusa and Mitsuru met at the laundromat, for some reason Azusa seems thoroughly unlikeable desperately trying to make useless conversation with a stranger just so she distract Mitsuru and call attention to herself. At first I thought it was sad that she died, but she seems to be quite an annoying character. I feel the most sorry for Sonoda who had to go through so much and now this loss.

As for Mitsuru’s excuse and backstory as to why he ran away… it was actually very believable. Shady, yes. But very believable. And it makes sense if he’s been doing that since he was a child. I know the feeling. I actually had empathy for him at that point once he started explaining. I think Azusa’s death was a result of her own silliness and desperation for attention following Mitsuru on a bus ride and getting herself involved in that bus accident. She seemed eager to start a relationship with Mitsuru.. I guess Azusa was his monthly therapy session (which he should have been going to in general) that kept him sane in his marriage relationship, so when his therapist died, he decided to disappear for a year. Interesting.

When Azusa starts this thing about tagging along with the bus ride, she seems to be proposing an affair. She’s trying to convince him that there was no affair and there was absolutely the precursor to an affair. She was proposing disappearing together and going something “scandalous.” She started the affair and it’s her own fault she died. If they had something to hide, even if I’m not against it and do understand, If it had gone on for longer, I believe it would have definitely become an affair between the two.

The episodes start getting more ridiculous after episode 8 with Sakiko running away and her husband calling a town hall meeting with all the characters to get info on her to find out where she could be. Then she ends up at the ocean with some ex-husband fisherman dude and his kids and she sounds more energetic and giddy than ever (seriously these characters are quite fake and performative with positive emotions). Then Mitsuru runs to Chiba and Sakiko runs back to Tokyo. And the husband Mitsuru actually has the nerve to act all worried that Sakiko has run away after his one year stint. These men really have zero sense of irony and empathy when it comes to their women.

In a hilarious turn of events, Sakiko’s side of the dysfunction reveals that she was married 4 times before. It’s hard to believe but uh.. okay!

There are still so many unexplained things like how Mitsuru was living with his parents for a year without any issues? And how is Sakiko supposed to live happily and normally without abandonment issues from now on? What a shame of a marriage. When he works late, she gets traumatized from not seeing him and not responding. How can there be any trust in the relationship anymore?

I love Sakiko’s attitude at the beginning of episode 10. In fact my rating is based on the resolution of this drama. I love how it all ended. She’s basically stopped giving a hoot about family or marriage or what her husband thinks of her relationship with Sonoda- and she’s like “yep yep having an affair, whatever! Think whatever you want.” After being alone for a year and discovering her own inner strength on her own, she realizes she doesn’t need a husband anymore and that’s when I can see her true strength and independence come out for the first time. She’s breaking free of this marriage/family trap. I love it.

The kitchen conversation after Mitsuru throws her divorce application in the curry pot, was the most honest conversation in the whole series. They’re spitting their true feelings at each other so easily at that point because there’s nothing more to hide or defend. Sakiko says let’s stop this ridiculous marriage role and have an easier relationship. I love that message. The marriage relationship and husband/roles are so heavy and suffocating that you can’t even be yourself anymore and have to run away. Freedom to be yourself is important. Family and marriage roles are so heavy that it ruins relationships. One person can’t fulfill all your needs.

I love the way they split up and the reasons they split up for. So they can be free human beings and not trapped in this suffocating relationship anymore. Even their attitude about it in the end speaking with a blind of freedom- harmonious without fighting, acknowledging each other’s sadness, and working together to wash the sheets and curtains before leaving. Their departure- Mitsuru’s departure was lovely, without conflict. With Sakiko’s self assurance that she’ll be fine. I like how everyone gets to be their messy selves and unburdened by the heavy roles of family relationships. I feels like the future of how human relationships should be.

They all come together and bond even in their sadness, kids, love, history, flaws, and experiences. I loved watching Sakiko living alone - connected to others while being alone in her autonomy and personal power. It was perfect. It ended up leaving a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart.

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Beautiful, Healing Love

Though it’s only 6 episodes, the impact it had on me was tremendous and profoundly healing. This series showed the painfully lonely life of Kouki, which is very relatable. One doesn’t have to be a drug dealer to know that loneliness, because what is shown is not circumstantial; it is existential and innate to the human existence. When the angel started to heal him from the inside out, and Kouki started to feel alive and happy for the first time, and could feel a sense of giving and receiving in a loving way, it was as if his soul was being healed of his own past. I really liked how they handled the angel’s departure- not some long dragged out sentimental process- in fact, there is nothing sentimental about this series at all. The love shown here is not sentimental- it is holy and spiritual. It felt “real” in the sense that this could be the way it really happens, and one is not sure if it was all imagination. But even if it was, the healing of the loneliness and misery was real, and the love that blossomed inside was real- more real than the crude, harsh world around him. When Kouki cried towards the end, I cried along with him. It was a very powerful scene. And to see his once cluttered apartment being emptied out for the first time in the series, was a kind of self emptying process.

I didn’t quite understand the final scene though.. I guess it’s open ended and will have to read around to find out what it means…

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