Bhavna

Unhealthy Obsession with marriage, family, relationships

Though I have normally enjoyed J dramas, something about this one didn’t sit right with me. I think it was rather poorly done. I get it that traditional societies value marriage and family etc, but seriously this series borders on obsession with marriage and finding a relationship that feels almost suffocating. It’s just obsessive and not healthy. Every conversation is about marriage and how can I get more married and get into a better relationship? It tends to define one’s self worth based on one’s ability to get married. It just made me sick to be honest. I didn’t like this series at all, but watched until the end out of obligation.

Pros:
- Scenery is nice and beautiful
- I like the yoga angle- as a yoga teacher, I liked that she brought in philosophies of self care into her classes. However, the yoga she teaches it highly westernized “white people yoga” which is divorced from real yoga.
- Shots and cinematography are nice and clean just like any Japanese series- beautiful colors
- Hayate was cool

Cons:
- The male and female lead have no chemistry and are generally unlikeable (actually I find most of the characters in this series to be rather unlikeable, lifeless, or meh)- the single dad looks old and constipated throughout the series. He can’t even express himself properly and for a grown a$$ man, that’s pathetic. If people are this repressed/constipated with their emotions, how on earth can they possibly carry on a healthy relationship that they obsess so much about? At least Hayate is open and honest with his emotions (of course it was totally one sided but anyways).
-After two meetings, the characters say these stock lines like “let’s date for marriage!” And then start holding hands, doing the statue kiss, and acting like a couple. It just feels so scripted like they’re playing a role. “Now we’re dating so we have to act like this…” it doesn’t feel organic, natural, or genuine. Just like playing rigid roles. The old guy (female lead’s dad) says to Hinata “Let’s date!” Then they start holding hands and going through the motions. It’s so robotic and unnatural to me. And the “sumimasens” were starting to get a little excessive. Seriously? Politeness is fine but can’t people just act a little more natural? The single dad main lead acts like every scene is a job interview, including the “romantic” scenes. It’s suffocating to watch.
- You have the nice older single woman trope who keeps griping about her age, menopause, and not being married, alluding to this idea that she’s a high achieving career woman, but ultimately has no value because she’s not married. I have seen this in another series- Full Time Wife Escapist- the older unmarried aunt who’s whole identity is that she’s an older career woman who’s single and unmarried and constantly complaining because she believes she is worthless. What a backward belief system that trains women to think this way.
- Hayate was young handsome, caring, loving, a great cook, and caretaker of the house, and successful but the female lead treated him as a joke the entire series. That was sad to see him literally trashed and taken advantage of. Poor guy.
- The English used throughout the series (especially by the fat yoga instructor) was soooo cringe, inappropriate, and awful. She’d just come out and say some random weird catchphrase and I couldn’t make out what she was saying until I read the subtitles.

So in summary, I didn’t like this series at all but finished the whole thing. I have an affinity for Japan, J-Dramas, anime, and Japanese culture, but this one was just excessive and annoying. Might be the first series that I’ve actually disliked. I think they should just rename the series to “Sumimasen!”

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One of the best shows I have ever seen

This is the first Japanese drama I have watched, and I must say it is one of the most thought provoking shows I’ve ever seen. I don’t speak fluent Japanese but I can understand some of the dialogues. I am watching it now for the 4th time and every time it goes deeper and more thought provoking than the previous time. I notice things that I missed the previous time. It is very philosophical, introspective. I just love it and I’ve never seen a show like this before. I am so thankful to Japanese creators for having such sophisticated thought and a high mindset to come up with such amazing content. I feel it’s because of their mindful culture that is based on Zen and Shintoism, that there is so much wisdom baked into even their entertainment. I just loved all of the characters, especially the leads, Mukai-kun and Sakaido-san. They were all so lovable in their imperfections, trying to live in a rigid structure and system where things are changing. I find it interesting how women are the driving force behind the changing dynamics of these relationships - they tend to leave things more open ended, question the societal structure and systems, and propose to throw the whole thing out the window and live in the moment. I feel that this show is much deeper than just dating and romance. It is deeply philosophical, spiritual, and you get to hear the inner thoughts of the main character and how he feels like he’s failing as a human being because he doesn’t fit into society’s expectations. But just because some people fit into a certain mold doesn’t mean they are happy. They might just be trapped. So his journey is very relatable even to an American woman halfway around the world! I applaud the director, writers, and creators of this show/manga. It is incredible and I will probably watch it another 5 times just to squeeze every ounce of enjoyment out of these wonderful moments. I feel like I am living with the characters. And by the way the music is amazing too, very suitable for the vibe. Perfect 10 out of 10!

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Incredible story

Wow… I haven’t watched a tv series like this in the west. From beginning to end its story is so gripping with suspense and the music really helps to create this kind of creepy suspense. Instead of the usual “who done it?” trope, it explores more complexity behind each of the characters, not painting anyone as purely good or evil, but rather complex characters with weaknesses and fears, who make mistakes.
Sadly some get punished while others seem to go free. But ultimately guilt and the belief in guilt is its own punishment.
The pristine quality of the shots and sets are just a treat to watch. I love seeing how all the different characters are unveiled throughout the series in layers and complexity. It’s hard to even give a review of this series with words as it creates more of a feeling within me and it’s something that I still need to process. This is one that has some rewatch value for sure

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Sakurako is a miracle woman!

You might call this a cliche drama- showing that there is something more important than money and that is love. Well it’s true. And there are many things about Yamato Nadeshiko that is refreshing and new. First of all, it’s the heroine Sakurako who’s obsession with finding a rich man and richer man borders on sociopathy when it comes to her behaviors in “relationships.” She really doesn’t get into any real relationships, but more like arrangements with rich men who just fall for her based on her looks and don’t see or want anything deeper than that. Because love is not part of the equation, she has no moral issues with jumping from one arrangement to another, like trying to find a better deal at a store, or more brand name person. She reduces people down to rich or poor, and this harsh judgment is a reflection of how she sees and judges herself. She grew up poor and thinks that is the reason for all her misery. So there’s a wounded inner child that mistakenly seeks out this one thing- money- in order to feel worthy on the inside. Sakurako doesn’t seem to even have an inner life as she just acts through a painted mask that smiles just like an air hostess (literally her job in the movie), so she initially has no awareness of this hurting inner child. She acts like a programmed robot, and I have known people like this in my own life (my own sister) who act like money, brand names, and status is the true measure of a person’s worth. It’s terribly sad to see, but the mask starts to crack as she keeps bumping into Oasuke, the poor man who she initially mistakenly thought was rich, and whom she hates for most of the movie. But instead of just glossing over things and saying “They’re in love,” the series touches on what made Sakurako in an money hungry cartoon character, going to one mixer after another, on the prowl for a richer man.

Sakurako’s obsessive pursuit of wealth isn’t about greed—it’s about survival. It’s the strategy of a deeply wounded inner child who was told, directly or indirectly, “You are ugly. You are poor. You are not worthy.” So she builds a mask to counter that narrative. And the tragedy, is that the mask becomes her identity. She doesn’t even know she’s wearing it anymore. She thinks she is the smile, the brand, the perfect image. It’s interesting to see the mask she puts on when she feels the pain of rejection, and uses this impressive beautiful mask throughout her “dating life” (if you want to call that kind of manipulation dating) as a kind of armor and shield. It’s not explicitly explained through the series- the wounded and vulnerable inner child vs her fake mask and how even the rich fiancé she got to become infatuated with her mask never knew the real her, the vulnerable true self that she hides from the world. It seems like only Oasuke has been able to touch that part of her, the vulnerable inner child that is wounded. I wish they had gone deeper into that and about her emotional healing and maturing process that happens in this relationship with Oasuke. That would have made the series much better in my opinion. It just glossed over that part, but that is crucial in giving the heroine a reason to change- because someone who is that manipulative and narcissistic in relationships to the point where she continues going to mixers to find a richer man even while engaged, and right up to the wedding, such a person would need an enormous reason to change. A true breakdown in their life where all of that illusion falls apart. And to be honest, such a person normally doesn’t change. It just so happened that this woman was a manipulator with a wounded inner child and a heart of gold so she ended up going for the “genuine poor man” in the end, acknowledging that any motives for dating the rich fiancé were false and the foundation was built wrong so there’s no hope in continuing that. But in this world, such people would continue manipulating and destroying people’s lives. So caution to viewers here- this isn’t exactly realistic. My sister hasn’t changed one bit in the decades I’ve known her, and unless a catastrophe happens that dramatically brings down the illusions she follows, her “rich people are better” programming will stay with her till the end. That is the sad truth. Someone like this doesn’t just change because of a nice man. A whole identity collapse has to happen. The ego’s scaffolding has to crumble. There has to be despair, not just discomfort. There has to be a total breakdown before a breakthrough is even possible. And in real life, most don’t reach that point. But I’m glad to see even one example, even if it’s on a show of a person who can change so dramatically like Sakurako. If God wills it, then it may happen.

One thing I didn’t like about the series (and many other J dramas) is that the characters don’t say what they came to say when they meet each other. Instead, they fly halfway across the world, put in so much effort, and then at one sign of doubt, they say “Ok goodbye then!” Without saying what they want to say. Is that pride? Is it fear? It’s so annoying! Sakurako flies all the way from Japan to NYC to meet Oasuke in the end, and says to him that she wants to be with him, and Oasuke’s like “I’m confused right now…” so she puts on her mask and is like, “Ok… goodbye then…” Like wtf? You just flew all that way and packed your suitcase and your whole life just for him and now you say goodbye and toss the conversation into the garbage so easily? Do these people not know how to communicate at all? It’s so frustrating to watch. And then I wonder at the end when they’re married, why Sakurako is not working- she could still be a flight attendant, why does she need to end her professional life that she was so good at just to be with him? It’s like now her whole existence revolves around Oasuke (after living such a different life before.. is that even possible unless you had a lobotomy?) and she’s not working. Wouldn’t her default mode go back to going to mixers since that’s what she’s been doing since forever? How does that programming collapse completely I ask? Or maybe the love with Oasuke is so powerful that it collapsed all that? I don’t know, I kind of don’t buy it, but if Sakurako was such a go getter, why not work to support herself and her husband so she can buy all her Fendi stuff? As for Sakurako dropping her job and changing her life instantly—that part strains credibility for me. Unless… something profound happened. Something offscreen. A total shift in identity, not just behavior. That’s where a slower burn romance can help and some of the newer J dramas do this better. And even then, the conditioning doesn’t vanish. You don’t change overnight. The old conditioning has to be faced, again and again. The desire to put the mask back on doesn’t just disappear. But now there’s something else present: awareness. I cannot imagine someone like Sakurako the way she’s been existing since childhood till now could pull a 180 like that and just live normally with Oasuke. Nobody even knows who she really is. She’s been fake since she was a child so how can she just switch to “being real?” Even she doesn’t know who that is. So I don’t buy that part at all. And even till close to the end, she’s still attending mixers, which shows that she’s still going back to old habits. Unless landing in a new country, she completely has to abandon her old self and live like a totally new person…

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This romance is SUCH A VIBE!

I just finished watching season 1 of this show (I assume that’s all there is)… it was the perfect romantic drama. There was so much HEART in this series- when I’m watching a J drama, I’m looking for the vibe, and I just want to feel that beautiful ‘Je ne sais quoi’ love that they’re able to capture so well. And this one did it perfectly. Western entertainment simply cannot capture this and I can’t think of any example where they capture the sweetness and spiritual side of love the way J dramas do.

I just loved the chemistry between Kurumi and Shun, it was just so tender, cute, humorous, and electric. And they actually communicate openly like normal people! I found that refreshing compared to other J dramas. All I can say is that they were meant for each other. Their love was warm, tender, without the usual glamour and fireworks that soon fizzle out. There was just something about their love that felt warm and fuzzy in me- I could feel it! And Shun was omg, sooo handsome like a real life anime character. It’s like he was drawn and came to life. So back to the romance. Sometimes in J dramas, the chemistry isn’t quite there and it’s the storyline that pushes the two together, like the last one I watched about a yoga teacher falling in love with a single dad which was just bad- they had almost no chemistry, but the plot forced them together at the end which annoyed me. But in this one, the sparks were flying. But they were warm, smooth sparks. It wasn’t a stiff “sumimasen” relationship (overly formal like in Eye love you) - it really felt like the two had a beautiful real bond where they truly cared about each other.

Hayama was also a lovable character- initially I thought he’d be like a villain, but he too ended up being very endearing and had so many strengths in him, but was late to the party. Too bad the woman can’t just choose both.. sheesh. I actually love the two men fighting over one woman thing- though it is rather painful, in a sense it shows that in Japanese entertainment they show value and respect for their women and show them being loved till the end by the male characters (unlike Indian entertainment that devalues Indian women which is why I don’t go near it. Anyways!).

The whole series was a beautiful slow burn and if you enjoy feeling the vibe of romances, you will love this one. The only thing that threw me for a loop was the last 5 minutes of the story- it’s like they decided to move the plot along and finish things up and package it up all nice and neat (Spoiler alert- Shun and Kurumi get together, get married, have a kid.. all happens within like 5 seconds). That was a little fast for me lol. But I was wondering what the resolution would be since the last episode was dragging a bit.

I loved all the cooking and food montages with Shun- he was such a catch- I mean, a guy who is so handsome, loving, and lovable AND can cook amazing meals too? Where can I find me one of those?? I was hoping that he wouldn’t get back with old girlfriend Hana and thank God for that. But I thought there still could have been hope for Hayama and Kurumi- but he was packed off to Turkey even though he admitted his feelings for Kurumi at the end. Ahhh it makes everything that much harder to decide. The two men fighting over one woman trope never gets old for me. I live for it lol. Better that than the other way around.

I love the song “Fushigi” that they keep playing throughout the series- it just adds to their beautiful love story vibe. I just love Shun and Kurumi’s romance. For me, it’s at the top of all the romances I’ve seen in J-dramas. Enough said!

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