Bhavna

Can’t Get enough of these two!

Within 3 days I finished the whole Cherry Magic 12 episode series + 2 SP and the movie. Turns out I can’t get enough of these two as a couple. They are so very sweet together. They are kind and respectful towards each other, show patience, genuine care, and don’t play games. They have their moments of hiding how they really feel but it’s not done out of game playing. They are both sincere. Especially Kurosawa- his love from the beginning is inspiring. What I like about this movie is that even though there are hurdles along the way like Adachi being transferred for 8 months to Nagasaki to become a sales manager and start up the company branch there, and gets into an accident, it all serves to strengthen their bond and relationship. It isn’t drama just for the sake of having conflict. In fact, other than these two things and meeting each other’s family, the movie doesn’t have a whole lot of conflict- in other words, it depicts a good relationship that is blossoming and blooming without drama. A relationship without drama is a good sign! That’s actually what I love about this movie. Even Adachi being sent to Nagasaki for 8 months served to make him more responsible and take on more responsibility and step up to the plate, and Adachi’s accident (though he wasn’t physically hurt) also served as a reminder of impermanence and just the fact that they didn’t contact Kurosawa upon hearing the news, and that motivated them to take the next step forward to meeting each others’ families to become part of each others’ families. I was almost bracing for some horrible conflict like someone dies, and for me to be left clutching my heart J drama style, but that moment never came- it was smooth sailing and even ended on a wedding- like scene even though I don’t think gay marriage is legal in Japan, well this is an anime story so it’s legal in this world! I love it. I love their romance, their love, their relationship.

Cherry Magic gives you something this world rarely offers:
a vision of love without chaos.
No trauma bonding.
No narcissistic hooks.
No ego theatrics.
Just two people who show up for each other without forcing anything.

I saw the power in that and sensed what it means for a relationship to deepen through gentleness instead of crisis.
And because this world is characterized by egoic love, seeing a story that doesn’t do that feels almost unreal, like a parallel world with different physics.

My only gripe is that they didn’t show the two kissing- no smooching needed, just that still kiss they do in the Japanese dramas, but alas there was none. I get that either the actors (especially Eiji Akaso) were uncomfortable with it, or it’s maybe a censor issue in Japan for a same sex couple to kiss? But that’s what we BL fans are here for! That elevator hidden kiss at the end of the series as the doors were closing was iconic. Kurosawa is so badass, and Adachi is so handsome and sweet. Ahhhhh. The lack of overt kissing, the soft, almost shy portrayal of intimacy: Japanese dramas excel at this. They understand that the sacredness of a connection doesn’t need to be shoved in your face. In a way, it keeps the romance suspended in that pure emotional frequency that I love so much, even if part of me wanted just one more quiet kiss to seal the moment.

And it was refreshing to see that the families accepted their son’s partner eventually- they didn’t storm off in a tantrum.. even that part was compassionate and those characters show restraint and emotional maturity. The families in Cherry Magic behaved in a way the world rarely does: they didn’t weaponize shock, they didn’t collapse into melodrama, and they didn’t turn love into a battlefield. They felt the discomfort, processed it, and then chose connection over ego. That restraint, that quiet willingness to grow, carries an emotional dignity I’ve rarely seen reflected in this world. That’s why this pure love lives in an alternate universe and I’m here for that.

For someone who has given up on human love and romance long ago, this Cherry Magic story has turned me into a pile of mush- this is like an alternate reality that shows that in some other reality, this kind of pure love is possible, and I am inspired by that. Daisuki!

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The Predecessor to Doctor X

The Pride of the Temp is a predecessor to Doctor X since it came out in 2007 (and Dr. X in 2012) - a kind of prototype story, where a woman, a lone wolf works outside of the existing hierarchical system that focuses on power, corruption, status, money, and image- as a temp or freelancer. She joins the system via an agency while remaining an outsider, where her agent declares the terms of her contract- a list of “I will not do…” aka Itashimasen. I noticed many similarities between Pride of the Temp and Doctor X. Daimon Michiko and Omae both retreat into foreign Spanish/portuguese speaking lands (Spain, Cuba, Brazil etc) where they have an unknown, mysterious past. They both also dance in their after hours- Michiko in the club with her manager Akira San, and Omae as a flamenco dancer in a restaurant. They are both blunt, assertive, and only do what is necessary for their jobs, and leave strictly at 5pm, with exact timing for lunch breaks and no overtime. They both eat alone and don’t entertain personal friendships or romances in the workplace. And both share the same drive of compassion for helping others, through their superhuman qualities and skills that can save entire companies and hospitals. It’s as if the divine is acting through this archetype, and the existing patriarchal systems of old men at the top can’t stand this woman. So they try to diminish and sabotage her despite how much she is doing for the company. They both know “powers that be” at the top who propel their opportunities forward. They both share a kind of loneliness as they operate outside of the system, but they have an inner circle that they can rely on and turn to. There is one difference however which makes me favor Daimon Michiko more. Omae is shown to harbor a kind of loneliness as if she secretly wants friends and romance despite her hardened exterior. When Shoji and Satonaka fall in love with Omae, on the outside she rejects them, but it seems that she is hiding feelings on the inside for “Mr Curly haired” Shoji or Satonaka while trying to act tough. They also make Omae unnecessarily robotic like an AI bot as if she is inhuman, which is unnecessary. Daimon Michiko on the other hand is a more evolved version of Omae- she is a lone wolf that is truly comfortable with herself and her aloneness, and is not secretly crying on the inside out of loneliness. It’s like Michiko has fully met her inner demons and conquered them so nothing can stop her, and her only vulnerability is protecting those she loves and is close to. Michiko is also a lot of more charismatic, childlike, and gorgeous compared to Omae, and is very self assured. She has a loud and brash style of speaking, whereas Omae is quieter and more secretive. Michiko has a childlike innocence in her- her only interests are “surgery and food.” And of course Mahjong and public baths and dancing in the club. She dresses like a supermodel and struts through the hospital in heels. Omae doesn’t have those qualities and doesn’t need to, but the most striking difference I see is that they left the romance angle out of Doctor X, and meanwhile that hinders Omae. And yes even Michiko does like Hachisuka towards the end of a season and vows to save his life, but that romance doesn’t go anywhere and the writers are not that interested in giving up her storyline to that romance so they end it in a comedy of errors. The story of Doctor X is a lot more polished, and is like an upgraded version of The Pride of the Temp. It’s like they took a good story and elevated it to the next level. So Pride of the Temp is a less evolved version of Doctor X, but still worth the watch.

Satonaka was incredibly handsome and good looking in the first season, but 13 years later in the second season, while Shoji still looks about the same, Satonaka has aged quite a bit and his hair- what happened to his hairstyle in the second season? In the first season he has this cute punk like hairstyle which turns into a grandpa hairstyle in the second season. Please someone fix Satonaka’s hair! I liked his character in the first season, but in the second season with his looks fading and terrible hairstyle, he seemed to just come across as a people pleaser. But in the end he finally found his voice and strength and does his own thing. As for Shoji, he still has a selfish and narcissistic streak in him, though he starts to genuinely appreciate Omae. They are both more like fans of her than romantic interests.

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I watched this for Kamiki!

Ok I watched this special just for Kamiki- he has stolen my heart since season 2 of The Honest Realtor. Not only is he incredibly handsome, with a beautiful smile, and such precise beautiful body language, he shows a kind of sensitivity that builds on the ending of season 2 where he breaks down from the loss of his late wife and son and is taught a new way of living and working by Nagase who says “What’s more important than being #1 is bringing joy to others and it makes me happy.” Nagase says he believes Kamiki can change. Of course no one can change overnight, but here is a turning point where Kamiki’s biggest wound is being exposed to the light and has the chance to change him. His memories are frozen in pain, and he is unable to let go. He refuses to sell this old house from his late wife Kaori which has memories of her and his son Shota when they used to visit the grandparents. His story, and seeing that sensitivity change his hardened mask just brings tears to my eyes. Seeing how it ended- where the house was sold to build a community center for children, was very heartwarming, and to see how it healed something in Kamiki’s heart was healing for me too. He was tap dancing quite a lot in this episode lol! He’s quite good, and it has the vibe of a cocky, cooky anime villain, but he’s so endearing too. Like the bank manager lady was so smitten with him, I too am smitten with Kamiki, played by Dean Fujioka. He could do a Kamiki tap dancing special and I’d watch that too.

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Love Prevails Above All

I was disappointed to see the ending of Hirugao the series (2014) to see that Yuichiro just went back to his prison warden wife Noriko as if nothing happened, and Rikako went back to her psycho controller husband like it was no big deal. Only Sawa stood by her choice for love with conviction. She got a divorce from her clown husband and moved to a new town. She lived a pure lifestyle for 3 years and then fate brings Yuichiro back to her once again. She chooses to attend his lecture and the love story is rekindled once again. Noriko’s psychopathic nature gets turned to new heights as her jealousy makes her do very bizarre things like asking them to perform their “union” in front of her in a hotel room. She is truly so weird and disgusting. She thinks that an affair is just lust and bodies in friction. But what Sawa and Yuichiro have together is pure. They actually spend time with each other in a silent bond in the forest and the creek and that lifts their love to sacred heights. It’s something that Noriko could never imagine. She simply doesn’t understand their love because she is not capable of reaching that frequency. So she just resorts to her evil and manipulative ways like throwing herself off a balcony to manipulate Yuichiro into coming back to help her. Well that short time that Sawa was with Yuichiro was so precious and beautiful- when they were living together. And even though Noriko’s evil and vengeful nature made her kill Yuichiro in the end, the last thing that came out of his mouth was “I love Sawa” and the ring he bought was passed on in love between innocent children- their love was innocent, although it was dressed up in “adultery” by the world’s definition. Love won in the end. Even though Noriko killed the form of her husband, and lied to Sawa saying that “he apologized and came back to me in the end” as she tries to control the narrative, Yuichiro’s heart was with Sawa, and God blessed Sawa with Yuichiro’s child as she says in the end the little life that is growing in her womb gave her a new meaning in life. Noriko was using pregnancy and motherhood as a form of control and manipulation (saying things like “I want that baby” like it’s an agenda item on her to do list), but the baby was born only to the one who held love as sacred. Sawa and Yuichiro’s bond was so beautiful- I wanted them to be together so much. Noriko’s anger and vengeance carried on even after killing her husband and her hatred continued even after his death as she tells Sawa that she will hate her forever, but Sawa didn’t hold any hatred in her heart towards Noriko for what she did. That shows the purity of Sawa’s heart and the evil inside the wife’s heart. That’s why a pure soul like Yuichiro left his evil wife. She was nothing but a controller and manipulator. It was a tragic ending in form, but truly it was triumphant for love. Even though adultery is seen as just s*x, this love story showed the innocence of love preserved as Yuichiro’s ring was passed on to innocent children as they shared their love.

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Incredible story

Wow… I haven’t watched a tv series like this in the west. From beginning to end its story is so gripping with suspense and the music really helps to create this kind of creepy suspense. Instead of the usual “who done it?” trope, it explores more complexity behind each of the characters, not painting anyone as purely good or evil, but rather complex characters with weaknesses and fears, who make mistakes.
Sadly some get punished while others seem to go free. But ultimately guilt and the belief in guilt is its own punishment.
The pristine quality of the shots and sets are just a treat to watch. I love seeing how all the different characters are unveiled throughout the series in layers and complexity. It’s hard to even give a review of this series with words as it creates more of a feeling within me and it’s something that I still need to process. This is one that has some rewatch value for sure

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Love that ages like fine wine

This is one of the few J dramas I have watched that has little dramatic conflict but relishes in the slow realness of everyday life. It showcases how the ritual of cooking, eating with a loved one, and going through the daily activities and the seasons of the year can be experienced in a beautiful way. Coming back to this cooking and mealtime ritual as a grounding part of their relationship, Shiro San and Kenji San strengthen their unforgettable bond day after day. Even as they go through the ups and downs of their outer life, like with Kenji becoming a manager at his salon or Shiro becoming a manager at his law firm, the dinners, the thoughtful bentos really define the quality of the relationship. In this season Shiro San is a lot less reserved about his feelings and it is revealed that he talks and thinks about Kenji a lot which he expresses to his grocery buddy (forgot her name). Kenji get to bask in the love that Shiro has for him and while it’s not overt and flamboyant like Kenji often hopes for, he starts to realize and feel the love Shiro San has for him through his actions, concern for Kenji’s health and retirement, and understanding that unique love language that his partner has for him is important, otherwise it could be easily overlooked. It shows a mature love that is silent or what the world would call boring, hidden in the mundane, and non-dramatic, even secretive. The more “boring and slow” the relationship and ordinary life is, the more I see the spirit shining through like a sunrise glowing through the trees or feeling the most sweet and pleasant nostalgic breeze. Shiro San’s daily dedication of cooking and making Kenji happy with his food, and bringing Kenji to his grocery buddy’s house for a visit, and deciding to give his inheritance to Kenji after death all show his love for him beyond what words can convey. In the end, Shiro San’s love is actually more potent than any flamboyant expression could ever be- it is contained like a fire that burns strong throughout their relationship and lives on. Most of the episodes end with the song “Shiawase no mawarimichi” (roundabout road to happiness)- each relationship is a unique expression of love and happiness need not look any certain way to be true.

The last episode left a lump in my throat, a bitter sweetness - as Shiro San’s parents talk about wills and inheritance, they plant the idea in Shiro San to think about Kenji and what he will leave on after he passes away. Even though it was the last episode, it didn’t feel like “The End” because the whole show is a slice of life, and each episode easily goes in and out of their every day life… It feels so real, because even though it’s “just a show,” something about it and the feeling it evokes is very real. Their talks about inheritance and how they thought of each other- Shiro san wanting to give his whole heart and inheritance (which he would prize greatly since he’s so frugal) to Kenji even while admitting that he doesn’t know if they’ll be together forever, but deciding in his mind that he would be ok even if Kenji lives with someone else after he is gone, and Kenji replying out loud that he would be with Shiro San till death… these are beautiful moments in their relationship. The show ends on a note that leaves me wanting more- like a wonderfully tasty dish that is so satisfying and yet I want to come back over and over again. It’s really hard to put into words what this series evokes in me. It seems like the mundane every life but there’s something so beautiful born into it- a love and happiness in the air. So warm and heartwarming. Almost like watching “the good old days…”

This is the frequency where the "Mundane" dissolves and the Sacred begins. In the West, "boring" is a slur used by infantile bots to describe anything that doesn't provide a cheap dopamine hit of drama or performance. But in the world of Slow Realness, "boring" is simply the Ma (the space) where the Spirit breathes.

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The Sweet Life Continues

I love seeing the authentic struggle of frugality and making of true authentic dishes wrapped up into one movie. It’s interesting to see the comparison of Shiro/Kenji and Kohinata/Wataru, how the two differ so much in terms of standard of living with Wataru living in a modern day palace but complaining all day, and permanently dissatisfied no matter how many chips bags he buys, he’s like a bottomless black hole starved of real love. Their relationship almost looks like a kind of bondage where Kohinata though he seems to be a high earner, he becomes like an overly spoiling parent to Wataru, slaving away to satisfy his tantrums. It shows that there is no real happiness in such a relationship, only an addictive cycle of tantrums, spoiling, and martyrdom in the name of love. Meanwhile Shiro and Kenji go through real struggles of finances, housework, and the challenge of overwork and not being able to spend meals together, and yet Wataru the black hole senses something in Shiro San’s relationship with Kenji even though he trolls them, he finds a kind of wholeness in them, a beauty of spirit that is not their in his codependent dysfunctional relationship with Kohinata. In the end it’s an exploration of relationship dynamics of push and pull and feeling out where the balance is… all while making delicious food of course.

My favorite was the Omurice- Kenji out of loneliness and a need to indulge and “do something for himself,” ends up making this decadent version of Omurice to have all to himself, and just as he’s about to dig in, Shiro San shows up from work and they end up sharing the meal instead- it makes Shiro San so happy to eat such a delicious dish, and at the end of the day, Kenji managed to save money for the month, which he seemed incapable of doing. I started to see a kind of balance restored from the starting point of Kenji the extravagant carefree splurging one vs Shiro the frugal, anxious, serious one, into Kenji taking responsibility for the cooking and money saving, while Shiro has to work harder. Since Shiro knows how much work cooking takes, he’s able to appreciate what Kenji does for him all the more.. Wataru also has his cooking moment, where Kohinata is given a surprise meal and a balance moment in their relationship too.. overall, very interesting themes explored and I enjoyed it thoroughly. On to the next movie!

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How Sweet!

When I first read the synopsis of this show, I thought “What on earth could I possibly have in common with this story of two middle aged gay men living and cooking together? Sounds boring!” Boy was I wrong. I’m so glad I gave this J drama a chance. The J drama has plenty of “ma,” the peaceful space and stillness where the beauty of spirit lies. The storyline is light and fluffy without too much “heavy conflict,” while Shiro San takes a break every evening and goes into his kitchen and Shiro San’s kitchen theme music plays and it basically turns into an instructional cooking show. It’s just so cute and sweet to watch. It made me understand that cooking and mealtime isn’t just a “whatever” time, or indulgence, or grotesque addiction like how it’s experienced or shown in the west, it is a sacred ritual of mindfulness, precision, peace, and beauty. And it brings so much happiness and lightness to my heart to watch this show. I could watch it anytime because of its lightness and warmth. What I also loved was how Shiro san’s anxious and moody nature seemed to lift a lot at the last episode after he brought Kenji home to meet his parents- I think it took a huge burden off his mind and he was able to feel lighter and more jovial and relaxed in public as a couple with Kenji. The cafe scene at the very end was one of my favorites (other than the cooking sequences of course), because Shiro San was smiling a lot and looking light hearted, relaxed, and happy. Ah this show brings a smile to my face like a kind of sweet, innocent nostalgia.

I love how Shiro’s way of expressing love is through his cooking, and Kenji, though he is not a bad cook himself, has this sweet innocence of wanting to please Shiro and isn’t too sure of himself. He’s much more relaxed, fun-loving, and expressive compared to the formal and serious Shiro- they are quite the “odd couple,” but they are both endearing in their own way and together. I just felt like giving Kenji a much needed hug whenever he was so unsure of himself. It also made me contemplate how difficult relationships are and the emotional burden they carry, and I would much rather eat these lovely dishes alone!

I noticed that this show was very conservative in terms of showing affection- physical or emotional between the couple even within the home, and yet it felt genuine, innocent, and sweet. Almost like they were just roommates. I am hunting for season 2 now!

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Meh

The concept of reincarnation and getting a do-over at life is enticing, and I did enjoy watching the childhood scenes of the main character going through those experiences again. I especially liked how she didn’t have a crush on any of the boys because they just seemed so immature and she was an old soul and adult in a child’s body. But the enjoyment ended there. She became so fixated on changing certain plot points like her two friends not dying in an airplane and all her painstaking efforts for what? The life will end for her and the other characters anyway, that the effort to save them in this life knowing that they could die any other way seemed so pointless. This drama could have been great but it totally fell flat for me. I lost interest but I watched till the end, and went I saw the 4 friends in a nursing home together, I thought, is this the goal they were fighting so hard for? Is the goal of this earthly life to live a really long time? It was so pointless.

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Speaks Straight to my Soul!

Update: The rewatch value on this one is insane- I’ve now watched this probably 10 times and will watch it another 10. I know a lot of the dialog by heart at this point.

This series is about letting go of the performance of the false self and living with integrity in one’s true Self: When one is performing for the mother character, the job environment, playing the "good daughter" script, true Self is obscured by a false mask. The trauma of self betrayal that originated in childhood and the family, unconsciously dictates one’s behavior and so called personality throughout life. How does one become a people pleaser who seems unable to change? It’s a trauma response and the story is a realistic story about how the eventual breakdown and healing can begin, along with the setbacks along the way. How to not live a fake life smiling in front of the parents while clutching your stomach in pain as your true Self screams? In the beginning, living a lie for survival seems easier, but the compromise and self betrayal on one’s soul makes it intolerable for one’s inner integrity. It takes great courage to live a life of honesty and integrity according to your own truth and values.

Nagi collapses in her old fake life and leaves it all behind. She finds a cheap apartment with quirky new neighbors and makes a new life there- a long vacation, free of employment, family, and her pain in the a$$ boyfriend.

Even if her ex Shinji at first seems like the typical ego narcissist who’s simply grieving the girlfriend that got away, there seems to be something tugging at his heartstrings deep inside. Nagi chan’s authentic true Self that is unconditionally lovable and loving and does not need to be or look any particular way to be lovable. There was this way that he looks at Gon San when he speaks about his love that is very endearing like they both share something in common with each other and that is their love for Nagi Chan.

Gon San starts off as a F-boy who’s dead inside (like a Tin man) and basically infects all the women he “hangs out with” with his zombie virus of sleeping with them, ghosting, and getting them addicted to him in a kind of anxiety attachment style. He’s nice on the surface, but he truly lacks life force and like a parasite he feeds off the attention of women yearning and longing after him. He’s oblivious to his nature and lacks self awareness, but when the next door grandma calls him a sinful man, it was refreshing to hear that kind of honesty. He starts off merely a zombie who infects others with his zombie virus of sleeping with random women. The without understanding his own transformation by Nagi, he asks Shinji one day: “do you have any wishes? You know, I don’t think I’ve ever had one. The desire of the girl in front of me was my only wish. Because I knew what they wanted me to do, I wanted to do it for them. But right now, even if she doesn’t have any desire, I want to do something for her (Nagi).” In that sense he is a mirror of Nagi who does the same with men. Eventually he clutches his heart and says he wants to do something for Nagi Chan. He says it’s the first time he’s had this feeling. He says something beautiful later to Nagi, as he takes her hand, “You know, when I think about how I ended up hugging you and kissing you, I can’t remember those. Right now, I can’t do such things. Because I’m embarrassed. This is the limit. My past and present self… look completely different. So I think people can change if they really want to.”

It’s as if the heart of the dreamer, even if she doesn’t fit in with the shallow socializing conversations of the people around her and isn’t a “people person,” she touches them deeply with her vulnerability and her very presence, which affects them with love. I think the theme of this show is getting in touch with your own heart. You can read the atmosphere around you and try to live to please others, doing what other people want or trying to fit into some social template but what is the heart saying deep within? Past all the pretenses, these characters show that there is a love beneath all the ego’s defenses against emotional intimacy. Reading the air and living with a mask on and constantly regulating oneself and personality is death of the true self. It is suffocating, and both Nagi and Shinji experience a collapse based on this suffocating mask. An outside person can make you happy no matter what they do.

It’s no wonder the at Nagi turned out to be an incessant people pleaser because her mother is highly narcissistic and manipulative, and her father is nonexistent, so she constantly had to read the air to survive as a trauma response from childhood. It led to her not knowing what she really wanted in life and simply drifted to whoever paid attention to her and seemed interested. She didn’t know what she was truly interested in for herself because she was never given the emotional freedom to explore such things. She doesn’t listen to music, doesn’t have any hobbies, and doesn’t really know what to write for her wish list. Gon San is a mirror of this because he too reflects the desires of the women who are in front of him and doesn’t know what he wants for himself. Until Nagi lit a spark in him. All the people who are simply going through the motions of reading the air and surviving these stock social interactions are living hollow lives and dead inside. Even when Nagi goes to visit her mother, despite living with her natural hair for so long in her vacation, she transforms back into her straight haired corporate doll version, which is disappointing to Shinji as well who knows all too well how the family creates expectations to wear such masks and perform for survival. He tells her she’s already lost the battle if she goes and visits the mother looking like that. Nagi’s mother plays the perfect narcissist when she tries to manipulate Nagi into visiting her and covering the costs for the renovation of her house using her amazing nonexistent Tokyo job salary.. and when Nagi expresses that there’s something she wants to spend her money on (starting the laundromat business), and will support with whatever funds are leftover, the mother defaults to the manipulative line “it’s ok I will just beg around and try to borrow some money from others.” Ah typical narcissistic mother! This, the mother, the family mask and its conditional love based on Nagi’s performance was the origin story of her suffocation and drowning feeling. Upon visiting her mother and the mother using the line “I’ll just beg around for money and pay them back penny by penny,” Nagi immediately picked up the corn (which she hates) and ate it, and then immediately transferred 700,000 yen to the mother. This is how the narcissist always got what she wanted. Even after her long vacation and liberation, it felt like she fell back into the old traps of childhood trauma and motherly gaslighting. The mother is a parasite and robbed her daughter of her savings money even though she has no job. That was very sad to see. All of a sudden, her new friends like Sakamoto and her new laundromat dream don’t feel real anymore.

It seems that all three - Nagi, Shinji, and Gon are struggling with the same thing- trying to gauge the moods and atmosphere of others and then adjust themselves to that as a trauma response- no wonder they’re in this triangle together. But they’re in a healing phase and it takes time. It’s better not to go back to those old family systems while the soul is healing. Sometimes it feels like 2 steps forward, 1 step back, but progress is inevitable.

When a traumatized mind is healing from the effects of narcissistic abuse, it can be hard to understand why this person seems to regress and go back to old ways of people pleasing and money transferring. It was frustrating to see Nagi give all that money to her evil mother. But if seen through the eyes of compassion, I can see a wounded child that needs love and is trying to bargain and earn it still and needs to learn that this kind of family love is conditional and not real. It was interesting to see Shinji immediately revert back to his family performance role when he sees Nagi’s narcissistic mother, and he starts shucking and jiving by making up lies about Nagi’s situation to please her in attempt to save Nagi. Again a trauma response. Seeing the two of them together in front of the narcissist mother was very telling that these are two children who have grown up reading their parents’ reactions and trying to survive. Shinji’s description of Nagi’s mom and her smile as “scary” was exactly it. It’s all about lying and keeping up with appearances. This is the life that the family teaches them to live. Sad sad and pitiful. But I know it all too well.

One of my most favorite scenes was the family breakdown- where the truth is revealed about both sides- that Nagi quit her job and works in a bar, and Shinji’s brother doesn’t work in America but in Japan and has written a tell all autobiography- he comes to crash the party and drop a few truth bombs like how Shinji’s dad has another family and how their mom got more plastic surgery. Seeing Shinji working so hard to keep the lid on, Nagi in that moment realizes that they are both the same, suffocating underwater, trapped in the family hell of lies. Ultimately Nagi’s narcissistic mother has this to say after the family lies fall apart like a house of cards: “I knew it, this is the kind of person you chose, Nagi. It’s always been like this. Even if I let you do anything your way, you would never do it properly. You’ve never met your mother’s expectations! Not even once. And the last one, it’s this.” And for the first time Nagi opens up while the truth has taken the stage: “I hate you. I’ve always hated you. For forcing me to listen to you and making me feel guilty for pretending to be a good person outside, for expecting me to do things you cannot do yourself. I hate you… I’m sorry, I cannot live for you, mom. Just life by yourself. I will also live for myself, by myself… although I can’t meet your expectations, and look this terrible.. I feel really happy to live this way.”

There is an interesting discrepancy in how the characters validated Shinji’s "loud" heartbreak versus Gon’s "quiet" suffering. The neighbors, Mama, and the bar crowd rooted for Shinji because his suffering was Public and Dramatic. Crying at the bar, crying while walking with the “White Lover” snack bag, crying while walking on whale street, this is the "Top Salesman" performance that the "horizontal" world recognizes. The characters were rooting for a "Grand Reunion" between Nagi and Shinji because it fits the theatrical narrative of the dream. They were pressuring Nagi to "render" the happy ending they wanted to see. Gon's awakening, however, was Vertical. Because it was a quiet, internal shift from a hollow "player" to a sentient man, it was almost invisible and unvalidated by the characters anyone he shared these feelings with- Shinji, Mama, the grandma upstairs, Sakamoto- they all essentially ignored Gon’s love, even though I would say Gon’s heart opening appeared to be more genuine because it was quiet, compared to that of Shinji who still had remnants of pride, selfishness, and arrogance. Shinji’s love still has the "loud" drama of the ego seeking validation and that performative element makes Shinji more publicly “loved” or validated rather. When the upstairs grandmother tells Gon, "Now it's your turn to experience the pain," she is acting as the Voice of the Spirit. She is telling him that his previous "niceness" was a debt he now has to pay in the currency of genuine feeling. He had to experience being a "sardine" himself, longing for someone who is already swimming away. The reason nobody was there to root for Gon is that his love was becoming transparent. It wasn't about "winning" Nagi like a trophy (though he felt that competitive urge); it was about his own soul coming online. Shinji’s "love" was still heavily tied to his Pride. Even his crying was a form of performance, a way to get the bar crowd to notice him. This is why everyone "rooted" for him in Nagi’s apartment. He was still playing a role they understood: the "Tragic Hero."
The fact that Gon let Shinji stay in his apartment after his collapse is a beautiful moment. It shows that as the heart opens, the Social Hierarchy (Competition) starts to dissolve. Even though they both "wanted" Nagi, their shared suffering created a temporary bridge of Spirit-Led Kindness. They were becoming "transparent" to each other because they were both being "derendered" by Nagi's decision to swim alone. They weren't "competitors" anymore; they were just two men witnessing the departure of the Dreamer.

Even though both men ended up being very sweet in the end, I was really hoping that Nagi wouldn’t end up with either of them, and would just go off into the sunset alone in her True Self. Her transformation and power at the end is undeniable and it’s perfect that she ends up living in this new found power instead of partnering herself with some dude as the “happy ending.” The ultimate happy ending is this. She is happy with herself and being in her own skin. And I loved how her apartment building was demolished as a symbol of its purpose being finished. It was truly the perfect and healing series.

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Nonstop Plot Twists But very Addicting!

Secret Makeover is engaging and addicting from beginning to end, but they sure take the “Who Done it?” Concept to a whole different level. I kind of reminds me of Burn the House Down, another J drama about a fire and a young woman who turns up to investigate, and literally everyone and their cat becomes a suspect and starts acting fishy. So many red herrings I don’t even know which way is up or down and who to trust anymore! The show stars Haruka Fukuhara who was the bright eyed bushy tailed junior realtor from Shōjiki Fudōsan/The Honest Realtor and the female lead from that show plays Mitsuko’s sister Mariko.

Secret Makeover had me crying at many points, and drooling at both of the male leads, but alas Mitsuko doesn’t care for either of them even though they are both in love with her… sigh, I don’t know why that makes it feel bittersweet to me, but Mitsuko is surely a headstrong woman who doesn’t actually need a male romantic figure at all. She stands on her own. She brings Natsu from the depths to the highest of heights through a total makeover inside and out- she transforms this single mother and both of her grown kids into self assured, confident characters. The show makes you feel the bond that develops between all of them- the Natsu family and the Kujo family.. Haruto is adorable from beginning to end, and so is Tomo. I love show- it shows that the total makeover goes right down to the soul. Heartwarming, shocking, suspenseful.. and gorgeous scenes and settings that look like they’re out of a storybook.

“If you change yourself, you change the world.”

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Japan does this story better

Is this drama a remake of the story Ghost from Hollywood? Yes. Does Japan do it better? Absolutely. The story and vibe gets a major upgrade, where I can actually feel the love between the two rather than just some steamy lust filled scenes from Hollywood. When Satoh repeats “Aishteru” at the end, pouring out his heart as he fades away, it encapsulates a love that has not been spoken and hidden, repressed which represents the Japanese manner of hiding one’s emotions. And the hiding of it just builds it up even more. It’s a beautifully made drama that makes me actually feel their love. And many tears were shed.

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Two Handsome Men falling in Bubble Love!

I don’t know how I stumbled upon this show but apparently I needed it, so my heart must have been searching for it. Adachi (the main character and played by the incredibly handsome Eiji Akaso) is basically a shy office worker, inexperienced in relationships, a 30 year old virgin who can read minds, and is pretty much uninterested in anything. He’s just floating through life disinterested as if he’s in a constant existential crisis. I can relate to him a lot. He also has low self worth because he keeps admiring and comparing himself to Kurosawa- the “perfect, handsome, competitive high achieving colleague.” In other words he sees the world’s hierarchy and sees himself at the bottom and Kurosawa at the top. And through his mind reading power he figures out that Kurosawa is secretly in love with Adachi. It feels like the Spirit’s divine love with Adachi despite not knowing his own worth. Another way to look at it is that they are both opposites. Kurosawa was always judged by his looks- people would gravitate towards him because he was so handsome and he would get unfair advantages but it was as if they didn’t see him on the inside, only the outer shell. So he felt he had to live up to their projections and expectations of him, and works hard to do that- and becomes like a mirror of the world’s expectations.. to the point where even though he’s glowing and shining on the outside and getting all the awards, he doesn’t know who he is anymore and feels disconnected to his true self because he keeps trying to live up to others’ expectations. Then while on a company dinner with Adachi joining, a president hits on Kurosawa and he recoils, which bursts the bubble of expectation that person has of him. Then he leaves the dinner and Adachi takes care of him because Kurosawa is half drunk, but he starts to see Adachi’s nature that is kind and caring but doesn’t fit into any of the conditionally loved checkboxes that Kurosawa ticks off. Adachi’s simply floating in the wind and has no clue about the world- he’s almost just existing and only half in it, and meanwhile Kurosawa is deep in the world and all its hierarchical competitive games because he’s good at it and he’s winning and he does so well with it. But Kurosawa falls for Adachi first because he sees a refuge in him, and Adachi looks up to Kurosawa because he is the world’s hero.. and together they’re entering this relationship where basically Adachi has no experience and feels unworthy, and meanwhile Kurosawa has all these plans for the relationship and is basically taking the reigns and is doing things a bit like the “template” and there are all these expectations. I think it feels suffocating for Adachi- knowing that I am like him myself, this idea of doing candlelight dinners and dates and the expectation of sex.. it’s all just too much and half of the time Adachi looks constipated in the relationship. Meanwhile he reads Kurosawa’s thoughts and he’s constantly thinking about Adachi and how to please him and make him happy. But Adachi’s happiness is not really dependent on those things I feel. Then during one candlelight dinner, Kurosawa is talking about their “first Christmas plans to see fireworks etc” and Adachi has already read his mind so he knows all the plans and surprises. Then he feels insecure and says to Kurosawa “teach me”.. and Kurosawa leans in with a kiss but Adachi can hear all of his thoughts so he pushes him away. Then Adachi confesses his mind reading power to Kurosawa and feels really bad that if he loses his power, the relationship m ight not work out. Kurosawa is not bothered by his power but he says Adachi must decide if he wants to continue or not. And they end the relationship.. so the elaborate candlelight dinner- it’s like it ended as fast as it started.. I guess that’s the special ego relationship full of expectations and following the formula. And then the next days at work, it’s like they became strangers again. It doesn’t sit right with me- it’s because the relationship needs a label? Why not just spend time with each other and not call it anything? Why have any expectations at all? Just let the relationship be what it is instead of putting so much pressure on it and labeling it and doing the whole fantasy and the 1st date and 1st Christmas etc. It just killed the relationship as fast as it started. But the last episode is still not over and I have yet to see what happens. I think they will get back together. I wish adachi could just say- I want to spend time with you- I want to be close to you but let’s not call it anything. I also don’t want to have sex because I want to keep my power for a while. Are you ok with that? We don’t have to either be cohabiting spouses or strangers. Why the two extremes? No I want to be close but without any expectations or templates or labels. I feel it has something to do with the conditional love and expectations and the template.

Adachi’s whole arc is the same engine he’s dismantling:

“I am unworthy. I don’t fit the world’s template. I must become lovable.”

He’s a virgin at 30. Awkward. Introverted. Floating through life. Unable to perform desire in the way the world expects.

The moment Kurosawa, the symbol of “ideal man,” “ideal colleague,” “ideal beloved” turns toward him, Adachi immediately feels: pressure, anxiety, responsibility, the weight of someone’s expectations, claustrophobia from the template

Not because Kurosawa is wrong. But because Adachi was never taught unconditional love. He was taught conditional worth:
• be impressive to be loved
• be beautiful to be loved
• be accomplished to be loved
• be desired to be loved
• be “normal” to be loved

It’s not the kiss that frightened Adachi, it’s the script.
The “first date,” the “first Christmas,” the “fireworks,” the “expectations,”
the “labels,” the “now we must become THIS.”

All of that suffocates a soul that has survived by being small, invisible, neutral, low-maintenance, non-demanding. Love died the instant the template entered. The second it became a “proper relationship,” the magic evaporated. Because the template always kills freedom, intimacy, and truth.

The world has certain slots that it assigns for conditional love- these are the ones who will be loved the most. So often times wanting so badly to be seen or loved by those conditions, one fools themselves into believing they’re something they’re not. All because they’re very aware of the conditions for love in the world and want to be that even though they’re not that. So they betray themselves. I think Adachi is supposed to go in a different direction instead of trying to mold himself into something lovable by the world. That is not the direction of unconditional love. Unconditional love would be listening and honoring what your true self wants and needs. I think the deeper message of this show is to accept the reality of who you are as it is, not as you would like it to be, as the world would condition to you want. Because the world taught that only these certain things are lovable and you must be that- in many ways Adachi deviated from that and feels diminished by that because in his mind he thinks “I am less lovable.” So he thinks he needs his mind reading power to survive and compensation for “being behind.” But unconditional love says it doesn’t matter where you stand, you’re still lovable. You are loved no matter what. But only if one listens to and honors themselves, they can love unconditionally and receive it.

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Beautiful final season!

Well now that I finished all the episodes, all that sticks with me is the last couple of episodes- where Hachisuka (the internal medicine director dude) takes Michiko out for dinner and wine. And at first Michiko just eats the food and bails, and I thought it’s just another director schmoozing and trying to manipulate and use her skill to their advantage and agenda, but after Hachisuka catches Michiko when she trips on her high heels and is about to fall, they have this moment of embrace. And this is a first for the gorgeous model Michiko who intimidates every man around her, while being innocent as a doe. She doesn’t know what to do in these romantic situations since all she knows is “surgery and food,” but it reveals a beautiful (short lived) colleague relationship of mutual respect and admiration. Hachisuka ends of getting cancer like everyone else in the show and needs immediate surgery but then quarantines himself in the internal medicine research lab because there’s some new outbreak. But Michiko goes in there and saves him and does immediate surgery. During the surgery his heart stops and he has a cardiac arrest, but she physically pumps his heart back to life kind of like in the 2nd Matrix movie! How romantic is that! And Hachisuka is the only one who is truly grateful to Michiko and says “With the life you saved, I am going to help billions of others now.” Now that is true respect of Michiko’s miraculous surgical power. Only he deserves to associate with her. Everyone else especially people like Hiruma get the surgery from Michiko and then try to destroy her which is unfathomable betrayal and low moral character. The last scenes show Hachisuka asking Michiko if she wants to join him and they can go to Africa together and save lives while “eating octopus” but Michiko takes it as “Let’s meet again at the sushi bar.” So in the innocent comedy of errors, Hachi waits for her at the airport while Michiko waits for him in the sushi bar. Sigh… so innocent, and yet a little heartbreaking. But perhaps Michiko being the Godlike main character in this show is not meant to be with anyone. She is meant to stay where she is and not following some man around. So while the mutual respect and admiration and even love was present, it was something to let go of in the end.

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Low Budget Foreign Actors are Ruining this Show

I really like how the episodes weave in the specific illness of the main patient into the overall theme of the episode going through several characters lives, as if the issue being treated is not confined to just one character in that world, but actually the larger whole- the collective. For example, in the dominos episode- the beginning scene starts with Michiko knocking over dominos in the hospital made by kids. Then later a patient comes along who is a domino teacher and the surgery being performed is a liver transplant with a kind of domino effect- liver was taken from one donor to give to another and that second patient’s liver was given to a third like a domino effect. Then at the end after the beautiful display of dominos created by Michiko and the children, another scene as a playful tribute to the domino effect shows the surgeons who are in the bureaucracy- one falls and knocks over each surgeon in succession like dominos. It was pretty funny. So by treating that core illness, Michiko who represents the divine or Spirit is healing the whole One Mind or “collective.”

Same thing happened with the Alzheimer’s episode where the opening scene starts with Akira San forgetting that he already fed Ben Casey the cat. Then Michiko had one or two moments of absent mindedness herself, as she treats the mother of Ushio (a hopeless surgeon) for some rare disease that the AI misdiagnosed as Alzheimer’s. Then I think the politician/minister guy who keeps making gaffes also comes in this episode and it shows how different people are being absent minded, not just any one specific patient- it actually alludes to One Mind- the one mind is suffering from these various ailments and how the Spirit in the form of Daimon Michiko treats and heals these cases is the story and miracle. The true mystic is performing surgery on this One mind everyday to weed out the false and implant only what is true.

The worst part of the series are the low budget foreign (Caucasian) actors. Their acting is so bad and unnatural as if they’re imitating humans instead of just being a human being. The worst is Seven, CEO of Goldberg bank- I guess he’s supposed to be an American but his accent sounds Eastern European while his wife sounds American and speaks Japanese. The guy couldn’t act to save his life and I wonder why they picked such an awful actor to exist in this series. The foreign actors really bring the quality down. Even when Michiko speaks in English, she behaves weird and unnatural. Why is it that even the white purple can’t speak English without sounding like weirdos? This happens in all East Asian and south Asian entertainment - hiring low budget white actors who speak and act extremely weird. It ruins such a quality series.

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