Bhavna

I don’t know how I stumbled upon this show but apparently I needed it, so my heart must have been searching for it. Adachi (the main character and played by the incredibly handsome Eiji Akaso) is basically a shy office worker, inexperienced in relationships, a 30 year old virgin who can read minds, and is pretty much uninterested in anything. He’s just floating through life disinterested as if he’s in a constant existential crisis. I can relate to him a lot. He also has low self worth because he keeps admiring and comparing himself to Kurosawa- the “perfect, handsome, competitive high achieving colleague.” In other words he sees the world’s hierarchy and sees himself at the bottom and Kurosawa at the top. And through his mind reading power he figures out that Kurosawa is secretly in love with Adachi. It feels like the Spirit’s divine love with Adachi despite not knowing his own worth. Another way to look at it is that they are both opposites. Kurosawa was always judged by his looks- people would gravitate towards him because he was so handsome and he would get unfair advantages but it was as if they didn’t see him on the inside, only the outer shell. So he felt he had to live up to their projections and expectations of him, and works hard to do that- and becomes like a mirror of the world’s expectations.. to the point where even though he’s glowing and shining on the outside and getting all the awards, he doesn’t know who he is anymore and feels disconnected to his true self because he keeps trying to live up to others’ expectations. Then while on a company dinner with Adachi joining, a president hits on Kurosawa and he recoils, which bursts the bubble of expectation that person has of him. Then he leaves the dinner and Adachi takes care of him because Kurosawa is half drunk, but he starts to see Adachi’s nature that is kind and caring but doesn’t fit into any of the conditionally loved checkboxes that Kurosawa ticks off. Adachi’s simply floating in the wind and has no clue about the world- he’s almost just existing and only half in it, and meanwhile Kurosawa is deep in the world and all its hierarchical competitive games because he’s good at it and he’s winning and he does so well with it. But Kurosawa falls for Adachi first because he sees a refuge in him, and Adachi looks up to Kurosawa because he is the world’s hero.. and together they’re entering this relationship where basically Adachi has no experience and feels unworthy, and meanwhile Kurosawa has all these plans for the relationship and is basically taking the reigns and is doing things a bit like the “template” and there are all these expectations. I think it feels suffocating for Adachi- knowing that I am like him myself, this idea of doing candlelight dinners and dates and the expectation of sex.. it’s all just too much and half of the time Adachi looks constipated in the relationship. Meanwhile he reads Kurosawa’s thoughts and he’s constantly thinking about Adachi and how to please him and make him happy. But Adachi’s happiness is not really dependent on those things I feel. Then during one candlelight dinner, Kurosawa is talking about their “first Christmas plans to see fireworks etc” and Adachi has already read his mind so he knows all the plans and surprises. Then he feels insecure and says to Kurosawa “teach me”.. and Kurosawa leans in with a kiss but Adachi can hear all of his thoughts so he pushes him away. Then Adachi confesses his mind reading power to Kurosawa and feels really bad that if he loses his power, the relationship m ight not work out. Kurosawa is not bothered by his power but he says Adachi must decide if he wants to continue or not. And they end the relationship.. so the elaborate candlelight dinner- it’s like it ended as fast as it started.. I guess that’s the special ego relationship full of expectations and following the formula. And then the next days at work, it’s like they became strangers again. It doesn’t sit right with me- it’s because the relationship needs a label? Why not just spend time with each other and not call it anything? Why have any expectations at all? Just let the relationship be what it is instead of putting so much pressure on it and labeling it and doing the whole fantasy and the 1st date and 1st Christmas etc. It just killed the relationship as fast as it started. But the last episode is still not over and I have yet to see what happens. I think they will get back together. I wish adachi could just say- I want to spend time with you- I want to be close to you but let’s not call it anything. I also don’t want to have sex because I want to keep my power for a while. Are you ok with that? We don’t have to either be cohabiting spouses or strangers. Why the two extremes? No I want to be close but without any expectations or templates or labels. I feel it has something to do with the conditional love and expectations and the template.

Adachi’s whole arc is the same engine he’s dismantling:

“I am unworthy. I don’t fit the world’s template. I must become lovable.”

He’s a virgin at 30. Awkward. Introverted. Floating through life. Unable to perform desire in the way the world expects.

The moment Kurosawa, the symbol of “ideal man,” “ideal colleague,” “ideal beloved” turns toward him, Adachi immediately feels: pressure, anxiety, responsibility, the weight of someone’s expectations, claustrophobia from the template

Not because Kurosawa is wrong. But because Adachi was never taught unconditional love. He was taught conditional worth:
• be impressive to be loved
• be beautiful to be loved
• be accomplished to be loved
• be desired to be loved
• be “normal” to be loved

It’s not the kiss that frightened Adachi, it’s the script.
The “first date,” the “first Christmas,” the “fireworks,” the “expectations,”
the “labels,” the “now we must become THIS.”

All of that suffocates a soul that has survived by being small, invisible, neutral, low-maintenance, non-demanding. Love died the instant the template entered. The second it became a “proper relationship,” the magic evaporated. Because the template always kills freedom, intimacy, and truth.

The world has certain slots that it assigns for conditional love- these are the ones who will be loved the most. So often times wanting so badly to be seen or loved by those conditions, one fools themselves into believing they’re something they’re not. All because they’re very aware of the conditions for love in the world and want to be that even though they’re not that. So they betray themselves. I think Adachi is supposed to go in a different direction instead of trying to mold himself into something lovable by the world. That is not the direction of unconditional love. Unconditional love would be listening and honoring what your true self wants and needs. I think the deeper message of this show is to accept the reality of who you are as it is, not as you would like it to be, as the world would condition to you want. Because the world taught that only these certain things are lovable and you must be that- in many ways Adachi deviated from that and feels diminished by that because in his mind he thinks “I am less lovable.” So he thinks he needs his mind reading power to survive and compensation for “being behind.” But unconditional love says it doesn’t matter where you stand, you’re still lovable. You are loved no matter what. But only if one listens to and honors themselves, they can love unconditionally and receive it.