To My Shore Episode 11

so many emotions, Shu Lang break's my…

so many emotions, Shu Lang break's my heart & that ending (or a bit before that) his breaking down & talking about one's taking their own life & how he understands the despair, was upsetting. cause i got the helplessness he felt throughout this ep. it built slowly & got worse & worse, as a viewer watching him i felt impotent to even think up a way to help him, so how would he feel; powerless? vulnerable? exposed??? & all alone - isolated. it's like u r drowning & there is nothing & none to hold onto - so Shu Lang actually verbalizing what was evidently building throughout this ep, broke my heart. sadly given Fan Xiao crazed obsessiveness, his stalking him & being there at every turn - any glimmer of hope for an out is extinguished, before it has a chance to grow & offer Shu Lang an out. *********************************************************************************************also he is so devastated, yet it isn't in him to be cruel, he just wants to move on & forget everything that happened with Fan Xiao, it broke him so much. cause if he wasn't broken he would've followed through with his threat at the start & hurt Fan Xiao not just topped him, but every chance he gets he isn't interested in playing games, he just wants to put this period behind him & move on. which i so get - *****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************Fan Xiao on his part keeps reminiscing about the past, about what he had with Shu Lang - a past that was built on lies & one he destroyed with his own hands. but like a child he wants to rewind time & for them to go back to how it was, as if anyone could forget everything he had done & how he had devastated Shu Lang. doesn't he get it? **************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************but i also think at this point in time there is nothing he can say & do that will make Shu Lang forgive him. idk if even Shu Lang was given time to heal, he would accept Fan Xiao down the line - in a few yrs. *****************************************************i get why Fan Xiao is this desperate & can't let Shu Lang go, but that doesn't mean Shu Lang should forgive & forget - i doubt he can. this was one hell of an ep with all these conflicting emotion's, i feel bad for them both (Shu Lang more) but i don't see how they can regain what was lost. something really world shattering needs to happen, to one or both for Shu Lang to want to reach out to Fan Xiao again. this on hell of a ride, can't wait for the next ep -

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