I thought EP 6 would only be about two individuals enjoying their “last date” together, but it ended up being so bittersweet (actually, the pain I’m feeling right now might overshadow the giddiness I’ve felt over their sweetness haha). I’m still an emotional wreck, yet I have so many things to say about the episode. This might not be cohesive, and this is more of a reaction than an actual analysis 😭
First, I just want to talk about the emotional connection between Manami and Taiga. Ever since Manami learned about Taiga’s real name and ever since Taiga learned how to write his own name from Manami, they were already becoming aware that they’ve met someone different. Slowly, they’ve unintentionally strengthened that connection to the point that they knew what the other meant without the need to explicitly say it. Which is why the “I hate you” scene was SO meaningful. In EP 6, we see that Manami said “I hate you” back and stepped away. Even though they didn’t break their school rule because they didn’t explicitly say “I love you”, they both knew that the “I hate you” meant something different. Which is why their confession felt heavier than it was freeing. Manami choosing to back away after confessing meant that they have already crossed the boundaries that they promised to never cross, and there was no turning back now. And even Taiga knew this. The fact that they’ve laid out their feelings meant that their bridge needed to be broken, because it wasn’t just about society’s possible reaction to their love. They both didn’t want to love; they knew that being in love would make them exposed to vulnerabilities that they do not want to face. So even though they badly want it, they’re afraid to reach for it. Which is why they had the school trip. The trip was a way for them to enjoy each other’s company freely, albeit being the last time to ever have the chance to do so.
Second, I’m beginning to feel angrier for Taiga’s sake as more episodes are released. This episode just showed that if Taiga was not neglected by his parents, then maybe he could’ve had a different life. In this episode, Taiga expressed to Manami that he had always dreamed of being the first to raise his hand in class. He wanted for his teacher and classmates to praise him, saying “Takamori-kun, that’s great!” However, with his dyslexia, he felt that it’s not possible. But the thing is? It IS possible. Or better yet… IT SHOULD’VE BEEN POSSIBLE. As Sakura-sensei have said, people with dyslexia COULD learn how to read and write if interventions were introduced early as a child. However, with his parents’ neglect, his dyslexia was never properly addressed which led to him struggling to read and write as an adult. This just goes to show that Taiga could’ve had a different life. He could’ve had the opportunity to become a train operator as he had always dreamed. But now, he chooses to limit himself because of the cards he was dealt with, and that in itself is painful.
Third, THE WHOLE DATE WAS SO BITTERSWEET. I feel warm and pained at the same time. The moment they turned their phones off in a place where no one knew them, it was as if they set themselves free. They were running around the city with the warmest smiles, and even became playful by doing a game of hide and seek. However, at the end of the day, it was a goodbye trip. It started off fun, yet as the day ended they were reminded that it was the last. For a small moment, the date almost changed their minds. Taiga even said, “do you want to run away with me?”
With that, they had a fun imagination of how bad their lives would be if they ran; if they escaped. They might have to live in a run down apartment. They’d have to do part-time jobs, with Manami being a supermarket cashier and Taiga being a construction worker. They both said, “it’s the worst!”
From which Taiga said, “it’s the worst… but it would be fun.”
And Manami agreed with him. Not explicitly, but she did. She knew that even if their lives would take a worse turn, they’d be freer. Free from the shackles of people’s expectations of them. Even if they’ll live in a run down apartment, they’d be free to love each other without minding other people’s judgment.
But like I said earlier, they don’t have the willpower to do so. And I’ll explain later.
Fourth, TAIGA’S CONFESSION!!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD HE DARE TO CONFESS AT A TIME WHERE MANAMI COULDN’T HEAR HIM!!!! I watched it live too, and I almost missed it because he said it so casually and unexpectedly. The moment I realized what he said, my mouth was wide open. But you know what? Maybe Taiga felt the safest to say it that way. Then again, it was a goodbye trip. He was supposed to be ready to let her go, and maybe explicitly saying his true feelings out loud could make the goodbye harder than it already is. So instead of saying it for Manami to hear, he chose to say it simply for himself; for him to have a small moment of honesty and sincerity. He wanted even just a few seconds to show his love for her, a chance for it to be directed to her even if she couldn’t hear it. And so, being protected from the noise of pachinko machines, Taiga said it.
“I love you.”
“I don’t want to go home.”
Fifth, the kiss scene. The kiss scene was so meaningful because kisses have always been superficial for Taiga. For him, kissing was a part of his job. It was something that he used for women who paid for his company, and for the majority of his life it never mattered to him. Which is why he promised to never kiss Manami; from his own words, his lips were “dirty.” However, as Manami imagined a life where she could freely love him, her body instinctively moved towards him. Taiga tried to push her away, but lost the control to do so and kissed her.
For me, that “kiss” symbolized how Manami was always the first to embrace what Taiga had considered as his flaws. When Taiga told her about his struggles to read and write, Manami was the first to give him a pen. When Taiga had been called stupid, Manami was the first to say that he wasn’t. And now, when Taiga expressed how he views his lips as dirty, Manami was the first to show him that his lips are capable of expressing love. She was the first to show him that a kiss could matter, and how it does matter. And so, at that short moment, they let themselves go.
Lastly, THE GOODBYE SCENE! (I’m gonna need someone to hold me, I’m still not okay). From that very moment, they felt how hard it was to let each other go. They said they’d turn their backs and never look back, and yet they still did. Taiga turned back and watched Manami leave, and imagined jumping over the train gate to reach Manami. He wanted to stop her; he wanted to call her, but he never did. Instead, he watched her back as she walked towards the platform, and tried to cover his tears from the hat that he got from Manami. Manami too, initially walked straight without looking back. However, for a short moment, she turned her back only to find Taiga gone.
I find that the train station scene perfectly showed their current relationship. They have always wanted to reach each other. They’d hold out their hand for the other. But at the crucial moments, they pull back. Initially, I thought “why? It’s not like it’s illegal.” First, they’re both adults. Second, they could just run, right? So what if the world judges them? So what if no one would support it? Their love is pure anyways! It’s okay if no one understands.
But then, I’d remember that both of them were shackled with chains since childhood. Manami was tied to being a filial and obedient daughter; a woman who only knew how to say “yes,” who never once talked back to her father, who only knew how to hold back her thoughts, and who consistently kept her mouth closed. Taiga, on the other hand, was tied to the lack of love he’s received since childhood. He never knew love from his own family. He was never shown compassion since he was a kid. And even as he grew up, he learned that love was something he could capitalize to survive. Both little Taiga and little Manami underwent such hard conditioning that even after they reached adulthood, they were still chained in the same spot. They only learned to pretend that they were in control, but they were still inside of their own cages. Because of it, even though they had the perfect capacity to reach each other, they never did. They couldn’t; or at least, they couldn’t learn how to. And because of it, they remained on their own sides of the wall.
They never opened the school gate that separated them.
They never jumped over the train gate that separated them.
They wanted to try, but they never did.
So, for my overall thoughts: EVERYONE DESERVES TO SEE THIS DRAMA. This is probably one of the most well-thought of dramas lately. That's all (I can't say too much still, I'm still in pain).
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