Episode 10 feedback

1. researching what to do on dates and listing it all down

While even neurotypicals would do something like this, for autistics this is more of giving order to something without order. It is also to help autistics go through something new by knowing it ahead of time.

It may appear as lacking preparating or random, thus not a routine, however the fact that there is a list and an autistic prepared it is itself preparation and sort-of routine.

I mentioned this before, it's about preparing ahead of time. It is similar with my experiences, I don't just join corporate events, I need time to prepare for it. If I'm traveling or joining a group, I prepare for it in advance … I research the place, I look at the map and layout, check places to visit, familiarize myself with it.

Autistics have different ways, methods, and levels of preparedness required. But one thing is common, putting order to something, preparing for it, having a mental checklist, knowing ahead of time. For some autistics, you have to stick to what they prepared, a schedule. For some, there is room for changes or "randomness".

I can do "random" in my own terms (I have a mental checklist and "randomness" is based on that list I prepared) but "random" as in letting someone decide and it ends up not in my mental list … that's a problem. I get stressed. I get worried. I get uncomfortable. And my energy is drained faster. Personally, I learned to have back up plans … but that's just me.

So … be careful if you know someone is autistic or looks like an undiagnosed autistic, listen to them, give them time, do not dismiss them as "being a child" or "killjoy" or "rude".

2. no touching / no holding; why 57 seconds? and only not to finish it?

It is uncomfortable. It is irrating. It is … just don't. Can't. Again, (I don't know why we have to repeat this again and again but …) no two autistics are the same. There are autistics who can do it longer. Those who just can not at all.

Then there are also other factors at play. If an autitsic's sensitivity is getting higher, the more an autistic can not stand it. If an autistic is aware of it, the faster it becomes uncomfortable.

It depends. It is not easy to explain. It just is. But again, again, again, it does not mean an autistic can not have sex because autistics hate touching. Not at all. That is a misconception that came from opinions from neurotypicals.

3. treatment of autism

Looks like Young Woo sees autism as a disease. There are a lot of people who still think autism is a disease. It is not. If it is not a disease, then there is no cure or treatment. How can you cure or treat that which is not a disease?

It is a condition, a "disorder" if you prefer. But to see it as a disease that can be treated?

4. Having a relationship with someone who has a disability and/or disorder/condition.

This episode is about that. Once again exposed the discrimination, prejudice, and stigma. This episode tackled it well from different perspectives: like the perspective of the mother and her daughter … two conflicting voices yet both valid. I think there's no need to expound on it, just re-watch this episode.

BUT I want to say something very important that this episode is trying to make people realize: Neurotypicals trying to fit all conditions under one category -- disability. It is as if when a person has a disability or a disorder or a condition, that person can not do this and can not do that, that person can not be trusted with their words, that person can not fall in love because it is impossible.

It is evil.

If no two neurotypicals are the same, there is also no two PWD who are the same. Trying to fit everyone together will simply not work, and this episode clearly demonstrated what happens when "normal" people do that.

The daughter's feelings and capacity to love was ignored just because she has an intelligence of an elementary student. The mother assumed she is protecting her daughter, to the point that she also harassed an autistic and practically told her she's faking her autism. If that happened here in the Philippines, Young Woo can sue that mother to hell for treating her like that.

Because "normal" people are trying to fit everyone together, if a person does not fit their definition of "autism", or "disability", or "disorder", they assume (falsely) that they are not. I was actually surprised the mother did not say "go get another diagnosis because I'm sure your psychologist made a mistake".

Stop it.

No two human beings are a copy of each other. It doesn't matter if you are "normal", you have a disability, a disorder, a condition, you are tall, you are short, fat, thin. Each of us are unique, and all of us have a capacity to love.

Again, I do not speak for the autistic community. I am only trying to explain things, mainly coming from my own experience, and the experience of other autistics who shared their stories and complaints.

No two autistics are the same; and autism is four-dimensional.

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Thank you for the feedback. On holding hands, does wearing cloth gloves helps reduce the irritation?

 Aramintai:

Thanks for the feedback. I've question - is touching difficult on all body parts equally or just hands? Like, when ML was trying to pick an eyelash from FL's cheek, or when he was holding her waist when they kissed?

 And is it the same with all people - both strangers and those that are close?

Just to add another perspective to this, I'm an autistic woman and while I am uncomfortable with strangers/acquaintances touching me in any way, if it's someone I know well and trust I LOVE bear hugs and other types of physical touch (I do prefer to keep my hands free though), it makes me feel safe and very connected to the other person because I sometimes have trouble with that with just words (unless they're being very direct). The part that I find most difficult with other people is performing touch myself. Like I said, I like to keep my hands free, so touching other people can be kind of uncomfortable even if it's someone I love.

 Aramintai:

Thanks for the answers, guys! 

Btw, I don't like hugs particularly either. It wasn't a habit in my family when I was a child and I don't like it as a greeting gesture some people use, especially strangers, feels like an invasion of personal space.

And sweaty hands are disgusting 100% ?.

as a person who has hyperhidrosis (i'm sweating more than usual on my hands & feet) thanks for feeding into my insecurity lol.
honestly, i dislike touching things when my hands are sweaty cause it makes me extra sensitive to some fabrics etc., so i don't really wanna be touching people either. but hearing/reading other people calling sweaty hands disgusting stings every time.. you can use whatever words you want, just felt like sharing the person with the sweaty hands' perspective ;)

 jastrological:

as a person who has hyperhidrosis (i'm sweating more than usual on my hands & feet) thanks for feeding into my insecurity lol.
honestly, i dislike touching things when my hands are sweaty cause it makes me extra sensitive to some fabrics etc., so i don't really wanna be touching people either. but hearing/reading other people calling sweaty hands disgusting stings every time.. you can use whatever words you want, just felt like sharing the person with the sweaty hands' perspective ;)

Sorry to hear this, but it is what it is for other people, sorry for not sugarcoating it. Btw, I've heard there are numerous ways of treating it from therapy to surgery?

 Aramintai:

And sweaty hands are disgusting 100% ?

It depends on the person. My ex-gf have sweaty hands and I don't mind. I also have friends too with sweaty hands. It is not so much as about "sweaty hands" but having "wet" hands. For example, there are people who think so much about germs and bacteria. They are not necessarily afraid of it (the usual assumption, I 'm not familliar with the term) but they put a very high value about it and think that liquid is the best way to transfer all kinds of germs and bacteria and what not. So yeah, it's more about "wet" hands regardless why one's hands are "wet" (not necessarily sweaty).

No question, just wanted to say I absolutely love your reactions to these episodes, I am learning so much, thank you!  A grad student with autism is joining our research group in a few weeks.  I’m trying to learn all I can to make them feel welcome and comfortable.  

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on today’s episode!