This review may contain spoilers
A Realistic Depiction of Depression
Let me start by saying that I doubt there is anything I can say in this review that hasn't already been said better by other reviewers. Even so, I still wanted to give my thoughts.
As someone who has Major Depressive Disorder and has struggled with suicidal ideation for a long time, I can see myself in Shin and the story this drama told.
Going in, I could tell that Shin had depression long before the events of the second episode. Not having friends, not wanting to be seen, constantly feeling that every bad thing is directly his fault, etc...Unless you've struggled with extreme depression, it can be a hard concept to grasp. Speaking purely from my perspective - when you have depression your mind is already in such chaos that even the mundane things people take for granted can be too overwhelming. Even if your days are easy and without 'worry' depression will always find a way to make something from nothing. For most people, going through 'the motions' is normal, not even something they think about. For someone with severe depression just getting out of bed and showering is a huge accomplishment. The way Shin behaved, even from the beginning, screamed depression at me.
When the event in episode two happened, it was more than heartbreaking. Someone you admire doing something so traumatic is life changing....hell, even if he was a stranger it's still life-changing, let's be honest. This drama did a great job in showing that. Even if he wasn't depressed before, it wouldn't have mattered. It fundamentally changed him. Which leads me to the third episode and my take on it.
MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD:
I've seen people say that the (first) suicide scene was too much and not needed, but I disagree. Personally, I think most of us just don't want to see it. It's too uncomfortable. To me, it didn't glorify the act (there is no glory in it), but showed it in a realistic light. Like it or not, people do this. Given his mindset, it was an action I understood, probably because I've been there myself and could see where he was at mentally. Nothing in this show hit me harder then when he asked his parents why they couldn't just let him die. It hit so hard because I've asked that exact question myself to my loved ones, practically word for word. Whoever wrote this knew what they were doing. Same goes for the actors as well. They all did a phenomenal job and deserve all the praise for their work.
Now onto the ending...
It is my opinion that Shin died at the end. He could say he was better, but saying so and being so are two very different things. I think he purposefully stepped out in front of the car because doing so, in his mind, was the only way to free himself of that parasite we call depression. I see people say it was an open ending (and truthfully it was), but to me it was so clear what happened. Again, though, just my perspective. His interaction with his friends, his thoughts...they never convinced me he was finally happy and at peace. It sounded and felt more like a goodbye to his friends as he struggled to convince himself (and everyone else) he was finally okay, yet knowing he never would be.
The irony of someone who has already decided to end it is that they can often feel at peace and, in some small way, find a sort of happiness after reaching that decision. That's partly why it seems so sudden from the outside looking in. They seemed happy...and they were in a sense as they know it'll be over soon. There's relief in that. We saw that relief when he tried it the first time and saw it again before the screen went black. It's also no secret that those of us who struggle with this will often hide it because we don't want anyone to worry because of us. In the end, I think he gave up and found his own peace in that decision.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Some people are able to rise above their trauma, to manage and perhaps even overcome depression. I think that's great, if not a miracle into itself. Others can't. I love that this drama had the guts to show that. Sometimes it doesn't matter how strong your support system is or if you're taking meds or seeking help from a good therapist. Sometimes depression is so deeply rooted into the brain that nothing can really touch it to make it go away or even ease up. Sometimes no amount of help can ease a troubled mind. So, understandably, the conclusion some find is that the only way to find peace is through absolute silence, whether we agree with that decision or not.
Now, I've seen a lot of comments of people saying that if you suffer from mental illness, thoughts of self-harm, etc...you should avoid this show. In some cases, I think that's true. It may give the impression that suicide is okay. As someone who's been there, part me can't refute that I see it as a valid option. Another part of me, however, disagrees. The fight sucks...but I've learned that ending it only ends your pain, not the pain of those around you who love you, even when you don't understand why. That's why people say it's selfish. You end your suffering by causing suffering to others. Even though in the depths of your mind you see it as a mercy to them - a sort of relieving them of the burden of you, it's really not. Not at all. Depression is weird like that. The way it can twist and warp one's perspective is really messed up and really not talked about enough.
For those of us struggling, but not in a place of utter nihilism, I think the drama is a gift. I felt heard, seen. There's a twisted sense of comfort in knowing you aren't the only one struggling with this, that you aren't alone. Sometimes that tiny bit of validation is enough. It opens the door to honest, compassionate conversations which are often unvoiced due to many factors such as social taboo, shame, and fear.
This drama was great representation and I full respect it, even appreciate it. While I will typically avoid anything with a sad/bad/tragic ending I have no regrets watching this nor do I feel particularly sad about it's ending. In all honesty, I don't even feel it was a bad ending, because he finally found peace. Regardless of how one views the ending, that part is irrefutable. It's hard for me to explain how it made me feel and why because there's just so much there to unwrap, I feel I'd be trying to put it into words all day yet never giving it the justice it deserves.
Suffice it to say, this drama is a 10/10 for me and I thank all those involved in making it. As hard as a topic as it was, it's a story that needs to be told and heard. Even more - it needs to be talked about in a humanizing way. If you think you have the mental strength/awareness/compassion to watch it, I'd say to please give a shot. It's a great introspective that can really make you think. If, however, you question your ability to not hurt self today....best to avoid it, at least until you're at a place where you no longer view your death as your best friend.
As someone who has Major Depressive Disorder and has struggled with suicidal ideation for a long time, I can see myself in Shin and the story this drama told.
Going in, I could tell that Shin had depression long before the events of the second episode. Not having friends, not wanting to be seen, constantly feeling that every bad thing is directly his fault, etc...Unless you've struggled with extreme depression, it can be a hard concept to grasp. Speaking purely from my perspective - when you have depression your mind is already in such chaos that even the mundane things people take for granted can be too overwhelming. Even if your days are easy and without 'worry' depression will always find a way to make something from nothing. For most people, going through 'the motions' is normal, not even something they think about. For someone with severe depression just getting out of bed and showering is a huge accomplishment. The way Shin behaved, even from the beginning, screamed depression at me.
When the event in episode two happened, it was more than heartbreaking. Someone you admire doing something so traumatic is life changing....hell, even if he was a stranger it's still life-changing, let's be honest. This drama did a great job in showing that. Even if he wasn't depressed before, it wouldn't have mattered. It fundamentally changed him. Which leads me to the third episode and my take on it.
MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD:
I've seen people say that the (first) suicide scene was too much and not needed, but I disagree. Personally, I think most of us just don't want to see it. It's too uncomfortable. To me, it didn't glorify the act (there is no glory in it), but showed it in a realistic light. Like it or not, people do this. Given his mindset, it was an action I understood, probably because I've been there myself and could see where he was at mentally. Nothing in this show hit me harder then when he asked his parents why they couldn't just let him die. It hit so hard because I've asked that exact question myself to my loved ones, practically word for word. Whoever wrote this knew what they were doing. Same goes for the actors as well. They all did a phenomenal job and deserve all the praise for their work.
Now onto the ending...
It is my opinion that Shin died at the end. He could say he was better, but saying so and being so are two very different things. I think he purposefully stepped out in front of the car because doing so, in his mind, was the only way to free himself of that parasite we call depression. I see people say it was an open ending (and truthfully it was), but to me it was so clear what happened. Again, though, just my perspective. His interaction with his friends, his thoughts...they never convinced me he was finally happy and at peace. It sounded and felt more like a goodbye to his friends as he struggled to convince himself (and everyone else) he was finally okay, yet knowing he never would be.
The irony of someone who has already decided to end it is that they can often feel at peace and, in some small way, find a sort of happiness after reaching that decision. That's partly why it seems so sudden from the outside looking in. They seemed happy...and they were in a sense as they know it'll be over soon. There's relief in that. We saw that relief when he tried it the first time and saw it again before the screen went black. It's also no secret that those of us who struggle with this will often hide it because we don't want anyone to worry because of us. In the end, I think he gave up and found his own peace in that decision.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Some people are able to rise above their trauma, to manage and perhaps even overcome depression. I think that's great, if not a miracle into itself. Others can't. I love that this drama had the guts to show that. Sometimes it doesn't matter how strong your support system is or if you're taking meds or seeking help from a good therapist. Sometimes depression is so deeply rooted into the brain that nothing can really touch it to make it go away or even ease up. Sometimes no amount of help can ease a troubled mind. So, understandably, the conclusion some find is that the only way to find peace is through absolute silence, whether we agree with that decision or not.
Now, I've seen a lot of comments of people saying that if you suffer from mental illness, thoughts of self-harm, etc...you should avoid this show. In some cases, I think that's true. It may give the impression that suicide is okay. As someone who's been there, part me can't refute that I see it as a valid option. Another part of me, however, disagrees. The fight sucks...but I've learned that ending it only ends your pain, not the pain of those around you who love you, even when you don't understand why. That's why people say it's selfish. You end your suffering by causing suffering to others. Even though in the depths of your mind you see it as a mercy to them - a sort of relieving them of the burden of you, it's really not. Not at all. Depression is weird like that. The way it can twist and warp one's perspective is really messed up and really not talked about enough.
For those of us struggling, but not in a place of utter nihilism, I think the drama is a gift. I felt heard, seen. There's a twisted sense of comfort in knowing you aren't the only one struggling with this, that you aren't alone. Sometimes that tiny bit of validation is enough. It opens the door to honest, compassionate conversations which are often unvoiced due to many factors such as social taboo, shame, and fear.
This drama was great representation and I full respect it, even appreciate it. While I will typically avoid anything with a sad/bad/tragic ending I have no regrets watching this nor do I feel particularly sad about it's ending. In all honesty, I don't even feel it was a bad ending, because he finally found peace. Regardless of how one views the ending, that part is irrefutable. It's hard for me to explain how it made me feel and why because there's just so much there to unwrap, I feel I'd be trying to put it into words all day yet never giving it the justice it deserves.
Suffice it to say, this drama is a 10/10 for me and I thank all those involved in making it. As hard as a topic as it was, it's a story that needs to be told and heard. Even more - it needs to be talked about in a humanizing way. If you think you have the mental strength/awareness/compassion to watch it, I'd say to please give a shot. It's a great introspective that can really make you think. If, however, you question your ability to not hurt self today....best to avoid it, at least until you're at a place where you no longer view your death as your best friend.
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