PaperWizard

I'm not going to get upset. You needn't worry. You didn't present anything to me that I haven't seen before. But thank you for your concern.

The Comments section is someplace I've spent some time at. I may not post much, but I do observe from time to time. There is certainly a toxic element here and rest assured I know exactly what it looks like. I know its faces and the methods of those who spread it, either by direct confrontation or by more insidious tactics.

I happened to notice Joanie's post while catching up and thought I would engage them. Unfortunately that's all I popped in here for. I'm not here to debate you. If Joanie wants to continue the dialog that's fine but otherwise I'm moving on.

Please forgive me for a couple of things. One, this is long. Two, I am stepping into this with an approach I should not use because I've reached a point where I need to do so, or simply walk away from the conversation. You have my apologies if I upset you.

I should start by saying I read the entire original exchange between you and BPG. I'm informed in my stance.

I can tell that your attack here today, and let's be honest it was an attack of sorts, was based in hurt. You may want to argue that you weren't hurt. Or that today wasn't an attack. I won't dispute that with you. I'm not judging you. It's understandable. None of us likes to be shut down. And when BPG blocked you, that's essentially what they did. They shut down your place in that dialog.

But that's the point of blocking. To stop someone. Much of your hurt probably lies in the fact that you think of it as a value judgement. Something that only happens to 'bad' people and that by blocking you BPG is accusing you of being one of those bad kinds of people. Try removing value judgements from your idea of why others use the blockng feature. Whether you feel you warranted blocking is beside the point. No one blocks people based upon whether the person they're blocking feels they deserve it.

Why BPG felt moved to block you is another matter. It's possible that their reasons may be layered within their final post. However, I can't say for sure and even if it were the case, it doesn't help you.

I will stop right here and say that I have talked to BPG behind scenes a time or two. If that's a problem, feel free to disregard the rest of the post.

Now, as for you posting at BPG knowing they can't see what you posted versus their blocking you and thereby making it impossible for you to see their post, yes both are the same. The end result is identical. BPG wrote a post directed at you that you can't see or answer. You wrote a post directed at BPG that they also can't see or answer.

One is not worse or better than the other. You have used the very qualities in your address that you condemned BPG for gaining from having blocked you. The inability to see or respond. That is not me criticizing you. I'm just pointing it out, because sometimes we take actions and we can't see our own actions for what they are, despite living in our own heads. Sometimes it's useful when someone else points out that which we can't see. If this deeply bothers you, know that was not my intent.

As for your assertion that creating a community free of negativity is different than creating a community free of toxicity, I would have to disagree. Toxic behavior is a form of negativity, among other things. Negative reviews of a show are not. At least not inherently, unless they contain within them other things than just a review.

Negative reviews, so long as made without damning language, attacks or other problematical components, can even be used to create positive change if creators are aware of them. BPG is a creator, I presume they know this.

What BPG refers to by negativity IS toxic behavior. They've outlined this behavior more than once in specific form. They seem to champion tempering the genuinely negative behavior here that is counter indicative to the health and diversity of the community.

Not the negative reviews. The negative behavior.

If it helps you to see it this way, I would hazard a guess that BPG comes from the school of 'Everyone try to get along, regardless of your views'. I myself do. But I am perhaps a bit more pragmatic than BPG about the likelihood of that happening. Largely because of several people here with very problematical personalities that I'll just say I recognize from a professional standpoint. And no, you are not on that list.

This is about you, not BPG, but perhaps a bit of my perspective on them will help you. BPG is as rugged an optimist as I've run into. I know that simply by talking with them a few times. Optimists are something every community needs, but it can be exhausting for one to try to function in a place as harsh as this Comments section. And not because of the negative reviews. You know that. You yourself remarked upon this place's toxicity it in your conversation with BPG. And I know that BPG has experienced some behind scenes harassment for standing up as someone who both likes the show and believes in the inherent potential of the Comments section to be a better place. No matter how tough you are, that is hard. You might have just caught BPG on a bad day when your voice was one voice too many.

Rather than worrying about reprisal posts or why you were blocked, try to let it go. I know that sounds trite. But worrying about something you can't control or change is tiresome and unhappy and over time it can change you into the kind of person you otherwise are not. Not all of the choices made in response to us are meant as a reflection of who we are. Or even how others see us.

Try to forgive BPG for blocking you. And forgive yourself for the attack post you made today. Love yourself and do not worry about BPG's take on the show, or negative reviews, or even you. You can't see them anymore. They aren't part of your experience here. So there's no reason for you not to take the high road.

And while I am here laying out my thoughts, I have one more to offer. If I had to guess, going from your posts here and your posts in the discourse with BPG, you are as uncomfortable with BPG liking the show as you seem to feel they are uncomfortable with you and others disliking it. You seem to reflexively block out any evidence offered that BPG isn't targeting everyone who dislikes the show, rather than just people creating the toxic environment. At the risk of seeming biased, I will drop a fact. BPG, with word and action, has embraced negative reviews of the show, on more than one occasion. They gave one recently regarding very problematical elements in episode 10. It was...colourful.

You have both criticized the show. the primary difference between you is that they criticize the show from a place of love for it, and you criticize it from a place of dislike. That's all. All I can offer is that you can never know another person's journey. Read carefully. Listen with an ear to understanding and not judging. You may find that the next BPG you run into isn't that different from you. I don't honestly think this one is.

The community being objectively toxic and the show subjectively 'sucking' are two different issues.

No one, including BPG ever said people are being negative for no reason or that they can't speak negatively about the show. BPG, and even I myself have only asked for less toxicity in the overall community. That is fair. This community's toxicity need not be bound into each individual's like or dislike of the show. It's perfectly possible to share dislike of the show without toxic behaviors. Many people here do it. The behaviors BPG tends to call out should be called out no matter the quality of the show, no matter the community.

I also must point out that there's nothing inherently wrong with blocking you before you could reply. And if you thought there was then perhaps I should remind you you're acting under the same umbrella. Because you've posted a direct address to BPG knowing you are blocked and therefore BPG can't respond to it.

Not that you would be the first person to engage in a behavior you criticize, while you're criticizing it.

I was also taken by surprise. Pha's demise was sudden and it took me a moment to decide if how I felt about it.

As for Thanu and Wayu, I feel like Wayu has desire. Watch the scene in a previous episode where he observes Thanu taking of his shirt in the mirror's reflection. Watch that almost kiss in the bathroom during episode 12 of season one. There is passion there. But Wayu is very hesitant. For whatever reason. I assume it's a combination of shyness and a the emotional turmoil he's been through. That can create road blocks for someone when it come to opening up to sexual intimacy for the first time.

I will admit to some dismay regarding Sandee. Perhaps his character is meant to be trying to rethink and be cautious. It's less immediately entertaining, but it may pay off in character development.

Excellent point! Tong needs to take care of himself and deal with his grief. Find his center and re-engage his life as a healthy, self-loving individual. If in time Pok and he reconnect, that's good. But first and foremost Tong needs to take care of his own emotional geography.

And I am very excited about Cutie Pie. It's a trope I've known about but have never actually seen in a BL. So I am curious if I'll like it. I am waiting until there are a couple more episodes to watch before I jump in.

This was an interesting episode in what was a deeply moving storyline for Wayu and Pha.

Pha, for me, has been a character I liked watching even though we could argue he's done a few very iffy things in the past. Some downright selfish acts. Some deeply good things too, though. And some very understandably conflicted things. And some acts the fruit of which we haven't yet seen.

I thought we'd get to see more of him. I wasn't expecting Pha to suddenly die and now that it's happened, I genuinely miss him. And I think he was important.

Pha was a really powerful character because he was on the second of the two universal journeys of human life. He was dying the whole time we knew him. One of the biggest emotional transformations is the acceptance of death. We don't always get a chance to face the inevitable. Often it happens without warning. But when we do get a chance, it's never easy. And despite the steps all being the same, the path itself is always unique to the individual.

By the time Pharawee comes on scene at the end of episode 12 of season 1, he's known for a year almost that he was dying. So there was a lot of his journey toward acceptance that we didn't see. What we do know is that his first act after finding out he was ill was to isolate himself from Wayu and even Kit.

Nearly a year later, when Kit and Mark find out in season 2, it's obvious Pha isn't pleased, but he's also deeply moved. I think he needed someone to know. But I understand why he couldn't just tell Wayu and Kit. That is a very terrible, difficult conversation to have with the people you love. And many people are afraid of it because saying it aloud makes it real.

Though, in this case avoiding having that difficult talk with Wayu and Kit wasn't about that kind of avoidance. Pha said he abandoned Wayu out of an urge to protect Wayu. But what about why he kept Kit in the dark? I think we get the answers to a lot in episode 6 when Wayu meets Pha in the hospital, having been brought there by Thanu.

But first I want to backtrack to a detail I noticed when Pha and Thanu first talked. Thanu is understandably angry. And he asks if Pha sent Thanu to Wayu only because he was dying. And we get a yes to that. It tells us that Pha is trying to set things right with the time he has left. Kit might have worked hard for that special trial regimen, but Pha seems absolutely sure he's dying. And so he says truthfully, "Thanu was always Wayu's Mr Right. I wasn't his Mr Right from the start". Pha was tidying up his affairs and easing his conscience by setting Wayu and Thanu up.

All things being what they were, it was a sign that Pha really was ready to die almost. But not quite.

We find out why Pha really isolated himself from Kit and Wayu when Thanu just asks him. Pha says he didn't want Wayu to see him like this. He wanted Wayu to remember their happy times. We can forgive Pha willfully ignoring that after abandoning Wayu, he was quite possibly unable to do that. One of the hardest things for us to do is watch the people we love be hurt. Especially by what's happening to us and most certainly if it's not something our loved ones can make better. It leads some people to hide hurts, and yes, even isolate from loved ones. But it's not really to avoid hurting them. Pha intrinsically knew that he was hurting Wayu just as much by abandoning him as he would hurt him by letting Wayu know he was dying. It's all loss. Rather, Pha was protecting himself from having to watch Wayu and Kit be hurt by his illness.

And we see this first hand when Thanu takes Wayu to Pha for the first time.

Thanu remains the most emotionally wise person in the show. He understands that Pha needs to be cherishing the time he has left with the people he loves most. When Thanu answers this inner sense of what is best by bringing Wayu to Pha... Pha displayed that same vulnerability, that same grief he showed during Kit's first visit, only amplified. Wayu's pain was a terrible hurt to him. Pha covered Wayu's face and wept. He didn't want Wayu to see him, but it was a shield for himself rather than Wayu. Walking away from Wayu and Kit was never about protecting them, because they were hurt either way. It was actually about protecting Pha himself.

That doesn't mean Pha didn't need to see them far more than he needed to avoid dealing with their pain. Thanu was absolutely right about that. Part of really accepting his own death meant seeing both Wayu and Kit again. And once that one hurdle of pain was past, Pha was able to face that flood of loss in Wayu because it was an echo of Pha's own unresolved grief. Very raw stuff! We grieve for ourselves when we're dying. But the really neat thing about letting others grieve for and with us, is that sharing that pain finishes placing the last few bricks on that road to acceptance.

Goodbyes are healthy and inevitable and we need them. And Thanu is a hero yet again in this.

I think Pha was resigned to his death when Kit and Mark first visited him in the hospital. I think Pha was already readying himself for his death by the time he saw Thanu. Once he got to see Wayu again, he was ready.

Everything afterwards up until Pha dies is open to interpretation, including when Kit became aware of Pha stopping the treatments. But I am sure of something I think is far more important. In fact, it was the only thing that ever really mattered in all of Pha's plans for himself, for Wayu, for his death.

Pha loved Wayu very, very much. Pha loved Wayu as much as we can love someone else.

That's it. That's all. That doesn't mean Pha made wise decisions for himself and Wayu, but at some point it stopped mattering. It stopped mattering whether Pha and Wayu were good for each other. It became beside the point whether Wayu even loved Pha back the same way. The point was always only that Pha loved Wayu and he was dying. When faced with the pure, distilled unrelenting fact of death, our love is all that matters.

That's it. Just Pha's love. Right up to his last breath. Good or bad, right or wrong. His love defined him.

Requiescant In Pace, Pharawee.

Thank you very much.

Would you believe initially this was more technical and about 1500 words longer. And then I reminded myself I wasn't giving a thesis presentation and cut it down as much as I could to still get things said.

So yeah, I could write a book about Kit's complexities. But that applies to several of Gen Y's characters. Mark himself is quite fascinating. Wayu could take me ages. Don't get me started on Pok we will be here all year. ;D

Thank you! I appreciate you letting me know you liked it. I know it was very long to focus on one character. But it felt important because so many people seem understandably distressed by Kit's actions.

And I agree Kit's relationship with Pha needs explored more. I was unhappy to see that when Wayu came into the picture Kit seemed to yield his place. This is problematical because taken at face value Kit is missing being with a friend he may well lose. But on a practical observational level it makes it harder to empathize with Kit when he is lashing out.

I try to divorce my negative feelings about characters at times, to more easily humanize them. Especially when an otherwise good character is hurting someone on purpose. In real life there is a reason behind it that can be addressed and the motivation can be very unconscious. But in fiction we like to think of characters as 'good' or 'bad', largely because as complex as we are, the world is still always just too big, and humans instinctually want to narrow things down to easily digestible moral observations.

Wayu is perfect for this quick moral observation. Which is why he's such a polarizing character. Most people either immediately love him or hate him and they do so for very surface reasons. "I love him because he's cute/sweet." "I hate him because he's pathetic/too feminine." But Wayu was created to love easily. Many, many people do love Wayu, the MDL community notwithstanding.

I personally love Wayu for his admirably generous nature and more direct emotional self. Not his sweetness or cuteness. Though he is very sweet and very lovely. Something he and others should treasure.

Kit on the other hand, I do not precisely love. But I do admire him and am interested in him for his complexity. That isn't to say Kit is better or worse than Wayu, or that Wayu is shallow by comparison. Oh no. It's only that Wayu seems to have fewer psychological nooks and crannies that emotions can get snagged on before they reach his reasoning capacity. And some of us just do. Kit though, seems to have layers of emotional pitfalls where he gets trapped or twisted. This means Kit was not built to easily love. Kit was build to challenge the audience. And people are often angered by that which challenges them.

I respect the show's creators for writing Kit. And I respect Copter's performance. Kit is a very difficult character to do well and Copter is very talented. I hope they are taking good care of Copter, though. Because one of the problems with playing a role like this is that an actor's physical brain can't know it's 'acting'. When you cry on screen or on a stage because your character is very moved, very hurt, your body/brain is releasing the exact same chemical cocktail it would release if those feelings were in response to real life situations. So very skilled actors can become damaged by their roles. Bas too I worry about.

I hope their characters both get very happy endings.

I agree there are some red flags. But by all evidence, Mark was spotting them along the way. So I must respect his choice to stay the course. He and Kit love each other deeply and I think Mark has it in him to weather this and come out wiser about his own needs and Kit's as well. Right now things are very unhealthy though and he should do what he can to take care of himself while they both work through the crisis. Right now Mark needs Wayu and Sab. His family. To help fortify him emotionally.

Let's hope they find peace eventually.

Tong didn't actually hurt Pok. Pok was hurt because the university's review board decided upon a rather unilateral approach to punishment that I don't really understand. But back to Tong, I might even go so far as to say he had a social responsibility to report the bullies, since such toxic behavior is antithetical to healthy school environments. That it had side effects which Pok found distressing is no reflection on the value of the act itself.

We can't see the future, so we are always left to look at a situation for what it is in the moment and make a decision in the here and now. Tong saw the bullying and was faced with a moral dilemma, report it or walk away. Obviously he did the right thing in reporting it. One can't really solidly argue that intentions don't matter because intentions are literally the fabric of why we do anything, including why Pok was outraged. His intent was to soldier through the bullying to achieve his goal of competing. Tong's intent was to protect Pok by drawing attention to an untenable, negative environment. The fact that the university's review board decided to bench the team shows they very much agree that Tong's assessment of the situation was valid. Only Pok and the bullies think it was the wrong action. It's never healthy when you agree with the bullies that they should be allowed to continue to bully you.

Enough on that.

Pha very clearly never had a chance with Wayu and Wayu was clear about that even in episode one when he tells Pha that their love is part of Wayu's past and his future belongs to Thanu.

Might I also point out that Wayu rejecting Pha's romantic affection is not a matter of Pharawee being forgiven. You can forgive someone and yet not accept them back into your life in the same role. In fact, that's quite a good and natural thing. Wayu indeed shows all signs that he has forgiven Pharawee. Wayu is an earnest person, so when he says he forgives Pha and understands why Pha left, we have no reason to think this isn't true. But Wayu has also moved on. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, except that it means Pha's actions have consequences he will inevitably find painful. But that's just how life works.

Right now Pha is the one that is manipulating things in a purposefully hurtful way. And I can see why. People in pain lash out sometimes and Pharawee is going through a lot. But even though he can be forgiven for this as well, it's still not good to punish people around you for not getting what you wanted. At very least it's immature.

I think "from an entertainment standpoint" is quite subjective. The show is very entertaining to some of us.

The interwoven nature of their lives, including manipulations, happens very similarly in real human environments. The difference is that in real life we don't have the omniscient lens into everyone's private moments or inner workings and so generally speaking, life looks a lot less complex. It's really not.

I'm enjoying it a lot. In Asian audiences for which the show was written, it is very well received. And the actors have done an amazing job with their roles.

Amid all this we might think it was a relief to have Pha back. But Kit very much needed answers and the answer he gets, as we all know, is another hole in his safety net. Pha is dying. So many blows, cutting away at anything Kit has learned in the way of healthy, safe attachments. The day they go home from the hospital and Mark pushes about wanting to tell Wayu, Kit is about to spill over. He's legitimately panicking because it's all just too big. Mark backs down because pushing is obviously bad at that moment. Mark doesn't always come up with the right answer, but in this case backing off was definitely the right thing to do. But that boiling pot never stopped. It's just been sitting there waiting for one thing to tip it over and Mark was always going to be the target because he is Kit's closest person.

The boiling increased when Kit couldn't get Pha into that medical trial program. It got marginally better when they accepted Pha in, but it got worse when Thanu found out and showed up at Kit's door. Wayu's involvement was a help, oddly enough. Possibly because Kit thinks of Wayu's investment as equal to his.

As we know, the thing that tips the boiling pot is the offer of Study abroad.

Not Mark's reaction to it. The offer itself. From the moment Kit started hiding things he was always at risk of ending up where they are now. To his credit, hiding the offer was a behavior meant to help him feel safe, not tear them down. So he wanted to succeed with Mark. Lying to Mark was wrong, but I think the number one tactic many people with attachment difficulties choose is manipulation. If Kit can control it, he is safe from it. So he hid the Scholarship from Mark.

Kit's current predicament is a bit of a beautiful agony. If you'll forgive the poetic terminology. On the surface it looks like this weird forced distance is meant to discover how loyal Mark is. To test their strength as a couple. But it's not. Sadly, Kit may even believe that's what it is, but his remarks and the gaslighting and the manipulative, toxic use of guilt means that what he's actually doing is looking for Mark's breaking point. Instead Kit may discover his own.

That Kit's actions seem to make no sense to outside observers has no bearing. Kit is tearing at his life with Mark because he's spiraling, adrift in this terrifying sea of unconnectedness. Humans aren't equipped to thrive this way, so he panics, despite having been the architect of the situation. And that panic only feeds into the structure of how they fail as a couple because we are amazingly complex apes who are terribly prone to ironic self destruction.

What's the developer's term? Oh yes. 'It's a feature, not a bug?'

At this point one might ask if there was anything that could have prevented this. IMHO, yes and no. Kit might have backed away had Mark just been honest and said "I feel I will miss you too much. Can we talk about it?" Because that's what Kit wanted and needed. It's even probably what he expected when Mark made it clear he knew about the offer. The best outcome would have been that Mark was honest about his feelings, but also sensitive to Kit's fear. It might have given Kit extra tools to work with. But it would only have bought them a little time. This wreck was probably inevitable.

But it wasn't Mark's job to try to figure out how to disarm this situation. He's more than Kit's release valve.

Again, this was all just conjecture based on Kit's behaviors and since he's not a real person, it's been silly to follow it through. I think Mark and Kit can grow to be healthy, but I am curious how the show will handle that.

In the end I am glad I can just sit back and watch the drama and keep thinking how nice it is that all the pretty boys are actually not my problem.

Pha has had an enormous part in this terrible spate Kit is currently experiencing. Because I will argue that Wayu isn't the only character who was absolutely devastated when Pha left. He was the one who had the psychological foundation to grieve. Yes he was left scarred. But that was inevitable.

Kit on the other hand? Hmm...

Unfortunately any mending of his psyche that Kit managed to do while developing a deep and safe relationship with Pha was thrown out when Pha disappeared. To a person with an insecure attachment styles Pha's disappearance validated every fear, every urge that fights against trust, every instinct that says relationships are unsafe. You saw that Season 2 episode 1 moment on the roof when Pha walks off and Kit is very frantic to catch up. Kit was looking for an answer to that hole inside him where his trust in Pha used to be. You could see the hope that some kind of reason would be enough to make the fear and stress go away.

Instead Kit finds out he's losing his best friend again. To sickness. And wow. I'll come back to Pha's illness in a moment.

Back in season one, episode 6(?) on that rooftop Wayu ends up very hurt again. But in actuality what he gets is a sort of painful freedom. But watch Kit. Watch the tension and the moment when his emotions become organized into something actionable. It's a brilliantly nuanced performance from Copter. Wayu has been deeply hurt. Kit doubtlessly empathizes. But Kit, if you noticed says 'You don't get to do him like that.' He's pushed his pain onto Wayu and is attacking the situation as outside of himself.

Again, on the surface it looks logical. But if your best friend in all the world suddenly disappeared and you only had this one occasion to reach out, Wouldn't you be in a great deal of pain yourself when it failed? And then the double whammy. Mark and he don't survive the event. That is literally a classic worst case scenario for people who struggle with insecure attachment types.

Kit saw Mark pushing him away and instead of rationalizing that Mark was hurt and needed help, he internalized the rejection and went into an emergency self defense mode. Push. Push. Push. And in the next episode when Mark wants to try again, Kit is like 'no, hurting that badly once was enough for me, thanks'.

This is shockingly accurate.

They rebuild but Kit has that hole inside where there is no longer emotional safety nets of any kind. No trust. That moment when Kit gets aggressive and rolls Mark over is every bit as telling as Mark's face makes it seem. I loved that Mark saw it as a warning sign.

Flash forward a year and Kit has been through what appears to be a lot of growth. But it's wallpaper over a bottomless pit. He may think things are going well but that trust in people, in closeness and intimacy is threadbare and so fragile. He's trying to build this great, admirable structure. A healthy love life. And he just doesn't have the tools. But he also makes some beautiful progress in crafting new ones. It helps that Mark, I think, realizes something is very wrong. So he doesn't push.

And sure, there is a wrong way to push. But not pushing at all can be bad because if you give a person with severe Avoidant problems an inch, they will literally take the mile. They will become more aggressive at unsure moments. They will become more reactionary to things that scare them.

Kit gets aggressive, Mark gives. So Kit has no idea of where the ground even is. That's not Mark's fault. Nor anyone's. But in this case, setting expectations and sticking to them with a kind and generous heart and gentle patience is what Kit needs. Not open ended accommodation.

The person with Avoidant type insecure attachments pushes. Their lover backs up. Kit feels like either there's a secret bad reason Mark has backed up or that he was supposed to. Or Mark pushes the wrong way and Kit feels trapped. And it spirals. Aggression and annoyance build up. Kit starts looking for holes, he's hungry for any crack that will prove to him he was right and that this relationship is doomed. It's very unconscious.

Consciously, Kit wants their relationship so, so badly. He loves Mark. There is no question. This is the functional paradox of insecure attachment types. And when Kit finds those fractures, the hickey on Mark's neck, his drinking with his friends, his "clingy-ness", his desire to tell Wayu about Pha, Kit adds a nail to the coffin. Small nails, but cumulatively they can poison a relationship.

(Continued...)

This episode was a genuine surprise to me. I was pleased with some of it and laughed a lot.

But there were some hard moments that really grabbed my attention. I think I'm not going to talk about anyone but Kit this time. And I know he is frustrating some viewers so I thought I'd share my two cents on what I suspect is going on.

I broke it into three posts like usual, but just Kit to pick apart. I will apologize ahead of time for the length. The subject I'm discussing is difficult to sum up in few words.

Last week I admitted I wasn't sure, but I thought maybe he was unintentionally exploring weak points in their relationship. Now we know that's not the case. That was maybe where Kit had been at various points over the last year. But now we know Kit is very aware of the hurt he's causing.

The question becomes why would Kit take a seemingly healthy relationship, at a point when he was settled and happy and do this? I think the working word here is 'seemingly'. All this drama can't simply be the result of a scholarship offer. It has to be the result of something else that was there all along.

Kit is actively sabotaging his relationship with Mark. As uncomfortable as it is to watch, I had to respect the writing. It's perfectly in line with that.

Because Kit is a character and not a real person, I was uneasy about delving in and analyzing very deeply. But maybe just this once I'll indulge.

One of the main reasons people sabotage a relationship is because of fear of getting hurt. No surprise there. I had assumed this was the key mechanism at play for Kit, last week. This is not an uncommon problem. Now that I've seen more of how Kit works, though, it's very obvious that's not quite it. Nor does Kit have a problem with a crippling lack self worth, which can also cause this sort of symptom in relationships. His self esteem is seemingly fine.

The other main reason people sabotage relationships is a pretty serious problem known as "insecure attachment style" and I think this is Kit's issue. Though again, I'm just guessing.

Insecure attachment style develops when you don't get the kind of emotional support or unconditional loving connections in your childhood that people traditionally need. People with this difficulty grow into adults who have trouble making or maintaining deep connections. That's not to say they can't love. Quite the opposite. They just don't have the tools to make it an easy or successful endeavor.

They often treat loved ones with short tempered aggression or strange, unpredictable attitudes when they experience stress. Sound a bit like Kit in his treatment of Mark?

If Kit and Mark were real, the good news for their relationship would be that someone with an insecure attachment style can learn to change their behaviors and patterns. It's not easy. I suspect Kit's is Avoidant because of his general dismissive attitude, his poor regard of intimacy and yes, this problem we're seeing in which Kit experiences painful or even illogical responses to emotional turmoil.

Kit articulated to Pha that he loves Mark but doesn't feel comfortable communicating his love. He thinks it's shyness. If Kit were a real person I would suspect it's really not. What is firmly possible for me to remark upon is that no one has to just be this way. Kit can work on the problem through his adult relationships. Close friendships are a key place to start building that emotional credit that makes all of us feel secure.

And this is where it gets interesting, plot wise.


(Continued...)

I agree! There's a lovely, bittersweet quality to their romance. And I adore that loyalty is both the saving grace and the sticking point in their relationship.

Wayu is also vital to the plot of the entire show. Without Wayu, there wouldn't be a plot. Thanu would have chosen Phai. And Phai's romance with Thanu would have mirrored his romance with Wayu, only minus any hiccups that created dramatic geography. So very, very boring.

Sandee would only have Tong to pester and his romantic desires would go utterly unfulfilled because he's only able to pursue Phai now because Wayu was the better partner for Thanu and that sort of rippled outward, effecting everything. Sandee's character growth (letting go of his obsession) would be dead in the water as well because it was in defense of Thanu/Wayu that Phai proved to Sandee that destiny didn't choose for us. Sandee is only interesting when he begins to act upon Thanu and Wayu's choices.

Mark would be miserable and featureless by contrast as he would have grown up without Wayu's romantic influence and friendship. And without Wayu's tempering influence on Mark, his relationship with Kit, provided it ever began, would have been over long before it fully bloomed. Mark and Kit might not even have met, since that too was because of Wayu.

So Thanu and Wayu's relationship isn't just sweet, it definitely serves as a central anchor for the whole plot. And I'm very interested to watch it all unfold.

Excellent! Kit is a very tangled, very tightly wound person and the difficulty lies in finding the way to loosen the knot without breaking him.

Pok is facinating. Next to Wayu, he has the most diverse emotional landscape and I'm always intrigued by his choices. Such a delightfully complex character.

And I'm so glad you liked my take on things.

I agree. I think a part of him is cruel. Unintentionally, but cruelty doesn't require premeditation.

Accidental cruelty is worse because at least with purposeful cruelty you are thinking about the person you hurt.

Kit is thoughtlessly cruel. He simply doesn't seem to think of how others will feel about his actions. I don't believe this is because he wants to cause harm. It's because he divorces other peoples' agency from his equation. It's an oblique form of arrogance.

I wasn't going to talk about his relationship with Mark because I don't have a clear view of it yet. But yes, it does seem cruel. Not just to Mark, but to Kit himself. He seems to use pain as a test. This suggests he's not sure of his relationship and is poking holes in it looking for weak spots.

As you can imagine, this is a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. A sensible person doesn't drill holes in the bottom of one's boat waiting to see if it will leak.

But Kit appears to be doing just that, probably based on the mistaken idea that the pain you inflict upon yourself is better than the pain you suffer at an-other's hands. And this is where the thoughtless cruelty comes in. Because Kit didn't take Mark's pain into consideration when he decided to poke holes in their boat. He's behaving as though pain is the foregone conclusion, but acting as though only he will feel it.

Thank you! I hadn't realized I had so much to say. I guess I dug at it deep this week.

But this week's stand out moment for me was Pok. I was impressed with Bank T's acting.

Pok is a really compelling character. Lone wolf types don't get that way on their own, paradoxically enough. And we see a lot of Pok isolating himself because of perhaps the influence of others. It's reactionary of him, of course. But I understand where he's coming from. Life alone isn't perfect but at least his choices are his own. His failures are his own. But most importantly, so are his victories. And that's the telling part. Because while a lot of posters here on the discussion board are focusing on the fact that Pok keeps getting beaten up, the most important thing Pok does alone this episode is succeed.

He doesn't just come up in numbers and eventually take position on the college's nationally ranked team, he does it without help and in spite of significant adversity. Nothing could be more empowering. And most important to Pok, no one cheated for him or aided him in any way. This was earned by virtue of his own hard work, perseverance and skill. And also some literal blood, sweat and tears.

The problem with this is that reality has built us into a communal species for a reason and Pok's isolation is making his road very painful as well. And I'm not thinking of his problem with bullies. Pok recalling memories of Tong and the key fobs was heartbreaking and honest and immediate and very relatable. We've all lost someone and had that pain surface on a day when everything was miserable and it only took one tiny knickknack on the shelf to bring it all back. Pok's pain was compounded by the fact that Tong left him evidence that he was still watching out for him, and trying to protect him from those shadows I mentioned last week.

This moment is important for Pok because experiencing grief over losing Tong means he's able to feel his way past the anger and sense of betrayal. It's an important part of healing. But it's also an important part of cutting away things that don't matter.

I'm not trying to say that Tong's wrongdoing doesn't matter at all, but that it matters less than the love the two of them have the potential to share. People are not perfect. They won't always make the right choices or understand you, or be the people you most need them to be. And when that happens, each of us has to choose whether to forgive and bring them back into your life, or forgive and let them go. But regardless of which path Pok chooses, letting himself hurt over it instead of being mad means he can start to forgive.

There's more I could talk about. Pok's reaction to the bullies is not on the list because it's kind of not what's most important about him. I could talk about Kit and Mark or Jack and Koh, but I think I'll leave Kit and Mark for another time. I am not sure I have enough of the pieces to that puzzle to form a recognizable picture yet. And honestly, Jack and Koh just seem like punctuated moments of comedy. So nothing really pithy there to dissect.