I have mixed feelings about this drama to be honest.
The first 13 eps were beautifully done, but the other 3... Leaving ma and sooji couple aside.
I like Jiho and Sehee couple because they're basically 2 introverted people (and I'd say Sehee is nd, could be wrong obviously), which is kinda refreshing to watch. But giiirl Jiho that's not how you get to make someone show you their Room 19, Sehee isn't an ideal man, but making him suffer like that, even selling his house, just because he wasn't ready to open up to you? a big nono. (Still love both actors ofc)
And well, not only in the last 3 eps, but the whole drama, Wooseok and Horang are so annoying like... It's difficult for me to feel frustrated, BUT GIRL I WAS MAD. Good thing Bomi and Younghyo were saved, they deserve way better than those immature persons. Love definitely can't solve everything and you shouldn't have to change your principles because of it imo.
Ma and Sooji felt the most organic to me. He was indeed very pushy, but they didn't blatantly ignore their wrongdoings imo. (btw Esom ily)
What kinda annoyed me a little is that I don't like marriage being put it on a pedestal like in the last minutes of the drama. But I get that for someone it can be a big deal.
Well I listed everything I didn't like, but I do think the drama was mostly beautifully written, had many moments and quotes I could relate to and that are meaningful and insightful, cried a lot because I'm a sensitive boi, understood their parents stories (not liked some ofc), felt very represented by Sehee (only that I don't own an apartment, but my cat does occupy half or more of my brain) because we have difficulties to express ourselves and just in general we think alike (not at the very beginning tho).
I think this is the longest comment I've written here lmao. I'll give it a 8/10 because of how much it made me rethink many things, and because if the first 13 eps. If it would have keep going in that line, it could have been easily a 9 or even a 10, but it was wasted just for the sake of it.
ps: Go Jungmin best girl, not biased at all (lying I love Chungah BUT HER CHARACTERS ARE ALWAYS LIKE THIS, CAN SOMEONE LOVE HER ALREADY).
Also the best chemistry was between Somin and Chungah, don't deny it
I suffer from depression and my day-to-day life is also hard. There are times where I'd be stuck in my bed and…
First I'd like to say that I'm glad that theraphy is working for you, I bet it must feel nice and you start to feel that things can change for better. Then, I'd like to say too that's this is not a competition of who has it worse, so please don't think that way when you read my next paragraphs. Also sorry if I make a mistake since english isn't my first language 🥲
I hope the following days after this good day isn't to harsh for you. I totally understand when you say you can't accomplish what is easy for others. I lived 20 years of my life (from 6 to 26) dissociating, to the point that I could do it whenever I wanted and to be concious of what I was doing. That's how I accomplished a lot of things, including studying in a good university and have the 1st place of my faculty, could travel to south korea thanks to my grades, recommendation letters, and getting a scholarship from their government. Same happened the next year but it was Japan this time. After that I focused on my thesis and intership that happened at the same time. I worked 4 years in the same prestigious company, even when I was burnout since years ago. When I started working was the moment I started therapy too, since now I could afford it and my parents didn't have a say in my decision since I even moved to another city. My family is the trigger of many of my traumas and insecurities too. Thanks to them I have a mix of anxious and disorganized attachment styles. My mom is narcissistic and my dad is depressed and submissive. I'm the younger of 4th siblings (the shorter age difference for me is 6 years, the others are 13 and 14 years older). One of my sisters, the one closest to me in age, was very aggressive towards me, I constantly had bruises because of her since I was a baby until I was 13 yo (when I finally could fight back since she wasn't 'bigger' than me anymore. My first years I was raised by my god mother, who after a lot of theraphy I recognized consciously her as my mother. Then she moved to another city because of his son entering an university in said city. After that I was pretty much abandoned. I would spend some days with my grandma that hated me since she hated my mom, or I'd who home alone after class and stayed alone until someone arrived. My brother and sisters caused a lot of trouble since I remember, from fighting, one being a bully, one invented that she was pregnant when she was 12 after going out with a man in his 40s, another used to get home wasted and vomiting after partying to much and repeating classes at uni, and well, my brother repeated years more than once in highschool, to name a few of the things they did. Since a very young age I unfortunately was aware of all of this, so I tried to be a very quiet kid, I wished I wasn't born at all since I became a financial problem to my family who was already poor. Somedays, when I was around 4 yo, I had to wait for my older siblings to pick me up from school, which they most of the times they forgot. I was lucky that one of my teacher was nice and took me with her to her house after waiting for more than 4 hours outside of my school. And yeah, I was lucky she wasn't a predator but just a good person, I still have fond memories of her. I had a very good psyquiatrist for about 5 years. He knew about my PTSD, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, high impostor syndrome traits, and cronic depression (I'm not lying about my diagnosis, I wish I was). We tried a lot of different types of medications (while being in theraphy with a counselor at the same) time, and after all those years, nothing really worked for me to have a bare base for my psychological therapy, that was our purpose sincewe knew most of my problem came from the psychological side more than the psyquiatric side. At the end he suggested ECT for me. Then he went mia when pandemic started, I think he established from what I heard. I saw many friends have ECT and I can't really afford to be out of myself for a long time, since my family isn't rich, I really need to work (some went back to normal 2 years after that theraphy) My psyquiatrist now pretty much gave up on me, but will be with me through the DBT theraphy. There's a loop too that was basically work burn out-> s* word attempt-> psyquiatric clinic (close and no contact with the world except from visits (during first years of pandemic there weren't visits) -> open psyquiatric clinic (you only had to go there for a few hours a day) -> continue normal treatment and go back to work This loop repeated itself 3 times, and my doctor wanted me to go for a 4th time since I'm in high risk and shouldn't be at home but in a psyquiatric clinic. I still write my worries one by one as you do, have been doing it for a while, especially when I had a lot of work to do. My psyquiatrist says the same as you do about works, and it's hard for me to have that mindset, but I try to. I try to practice a lot of mindfulness, tried sports for many years (not now, I'm round as a ball rn lmao), tried games like chess but I became frustrated instantly if I didn't win (happens with any competitive activity, I can't do it just for the jou of it yet), games same story, even spent a lot of money in some of them, and then quit before it became worse because of my addictive personality. Because of this last one I don't do alcohol or drugs because I know I'd end up really quickly on the streets. My new obsession is kpop photocards, which mean a lot of money too, before this one it was delivery services and so on. The point is I even tried getting into a religion as a last resort(?), since I don't believe in any of them tbh. That's why I said I have tried almost anything, even different types of counselors: genre specialists (I'm a trans man unfortunately), dbt specialists, behavioral approach, locus of control, interpersonal psychotherapy, humanistic psychology, and I don't remember what else lol I tried so many times that now I'm kinda tired about it and telling my story again and again, which often hurts. At the end, I don't victimize myself (I'd hate it) that's why I keep trying by myself too. But I'm not gonna lie, I'm in a point of my life where I'm extremely depressed, my borderline symptoms are mostly out of control, I don't want theraphy anymore, my medical leave won't last much longer (it has been 6 months already), which means searching for a new work and not be able to pay the dbt theraphy for a few months (that has to be at least one year without interruptions), and I have some trauma related things with work, which makes me event vomit instantly at the thought of having to work again. There's a lot of political issues here that don't help at all too. So I decided that these last months since I started my medical leave, I'd finally let myself live like a fool, watch anime, dramas, or be on kpop side of twitter all the timeI want, evading reality, caressing my cat, and when the moment comes, I'll leave without regrets, and go meet my godmother, my grandpas and grandma (the one who didn't hate me), my favorites uncle and aunt, and some friends too, in heaven if it really exist (tho I'd probably would go to hell in that case since I'm trans and s*word is a sin too)
Ps: sorry for the long a** answer again, I really hope you will be able to have moments of happiness someday, hopefully soon.
Sorry to hear that, but very thankful for sharing your honest and informative thoughts on this. I had a close…
First, I'm very sorry for your loss, I hope he's resting in a good place now, a place better than earth. I can understand somehow cause I've all those things, I thought life would be bearable if I had those things, I held onto that little hope for years. I've been called a genius most of my life for my high iq and achievements (that are nothing for me since I suffer from the impostor syndrome). When I was a kid I remember wishing on my birthdays to become stupid, or at least more 'common' since because of how adults treated me I became beyond perfectionist and harsh on myself. The first time I was 5 years old. The first time I consciously tried to die was at 3 yo, that's even difficult to believe for me, because I was just a baby. Many things have happened for me to be beyond treatment, like domestic violence, r***, bullying, being rejected when I revealed that I was lgbtq+, because I wasn't the perfect kid anymore. My mom literally said 'you're not the kid I raised' and my biggest support, my older sister told me I was trying to copy her, you call it. The point about telling a small bit of these things that happened, is that everyone has an story, and not everyone feels the same situation the same way. I wouldn't say we are weak, but maybe too sensitive for the social norms that have been established, and that I personally think that are slowly changing. There is a point when everyone gives up even if before they swore they would't, because as much as you love someone, being the constant support is tiring for those who give it, I know it too well. And it's not our friends fault, because we're the ones than somehow or another achieve to be isolated from the rest of the world. Maybe we think it would be less painful to leave like that, that our beloved ones would miss us less since the distance started while still alive, but I don't really think so imo, they will get hurt anyways, even if we try different ways to make it the less painful possible. I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense from a 3rd pov but I'm trying my best to explain myself. I still have one friend who tries somehow to prevent another intoxication, she prepares my weekly meds and take the rest home, but at the same time she knows I already gave up and that I'm just investigating better ways to not have to die in a way where I'll become unrecognizable (which is what I want to do now tbh, to not make mistakes and end up alive again), mainly because bystanders don't deserve that huge trauma, and neither do my family and friends. I already found some ways, and honestly even while talking about it I feel numb, as if I was talking about what I had for dinner, probably many people felt or feels this way and it's hard for oneself to know what to do, and even more difficult for the ones that once were our friends ... Aaand I think I revealed too much, I'm sorry if it's too crude, it wasn't my intention. I hope your heart and mind is at peace since you tried your best 💕 I'm sure he knows
I don't know if it's ok for me to say this, but having a farewell letter very similar to her, I can relate a lot. I know suicide shouldn't be an option, but at least in my case I have tried every treatment and different medicines schemes for many years now, and it's really painful and frustrating to try and try again to not avail, it hurts to the point you stop thinking about living for others and for your beloved to not feel pain. It hurts to the point that waking up feels like hell, where you don't care about your basic hygiene, or living in a place full of trash, because you're just too tired to care. It's not only crying for hours everyday, to have panic attacks everyday, and still try to fight it all back. With this I'm not telling people to give up (treatment does work for the majority of cases so please don't give up), but sadly sometimes after trying everything, it becomes not only an option or a plan, but a certain thing that actually is the only thing that makes you feel peace and relief, and that you did your best and had the best life possible for you. In my particular case it goes to the point that even being a 'brilliant' business graduate, I'm not able to work for more than a few months. My family is poor, I can't depend on them to pay my living expenses or my treatments. So I keep going, find work, continue treatment, suffer from a big crisis, attempting suicide, ending up still alive in a psyquiatric clinic, try new treatments, and repeat for years. It's not an easy decision, in my case it has taken years because I don't want to hurt the ones who are left behind. I know how it feels to be the one left behind and the what ifs and the guilt because my grandfather and friends have left this world this way. But until what point can one live in a dreadful pain by living for others and not theirselves? I know it may sound harsh and cruel, but if I put me in the first place, all I want is to rest, to tell myself that I did well and that I'm allowed to give up, and to be selfish for the first time in my life. I hope noone who reads this ever get to this point, and I really really pray for treatment to work for you if you're unwell. But if someone gives up, please don't hate them, don't blame yourself because it's a very personal decision and rarely its because of an impulse (usually those kind of attempts fail), and it's noones fault. We tried our best to live, so please don't judge us and think that we didn't think about the consequences. We know, and we know that our beloved ones want us to be alive and well and that we're indeed loved, but sometimes, just sometimes, the pain is too much to bear, and suicide becomes the only way to finally put an end to it and rest.
Ps: sorry for the long text and the sensitive topic and point of view
please everyone remember. suicide never has to be an option. theres treatment for this. i hope she rests in peace…
I don't know if it's ok for me to say this, but having a farewell letter very similar to her, I can relate a lot. I know suicide shouldn't be an option, but at least in my case I have tried every treatment and different medicines scheme, and it's really painful and frustrating to try and try again to not avail. With this I'm not telling people to give up (treatment does work for the majority of cases so please don't give up), but sadly sometimes after trying everything, it becomes not only an option or a plan, but a certain thing that actually is the only thing that makes you feel peace and relief, and that you did your best and had the best life possible for you.
I haven't seen a lot of her works (only 4, not counting the guest ones) and omg I'm just in love with her voice and her acting.
I hope they give her a FL soon, she has it all
The first 13 eps were beautifully done, but the other 3... Leaving ma and sooji couple aside.
I like Jiho and Sehee couple because they're basically 2 introverted people (and I'd say Sehee is nd, could be wrong obviously), which is kinda refreshing to watch. But giiirl Jiho that's not how you get to make someone show you their Room 19, Sehee isn't an ideal man, but making him suffer like that, even selling his house, just because he wasn't ready to open up to you? a big nono. (Still love both actors ofc)
And well, not only in the last 3 eps, but the whole drama, Wooseok and Horang are so annoying like... It's difficult for me to feel frustrated, BUT GIRL I WAS MAD. Good thing Bomi and Younghyo were saved, they deserve way better than those immature persons. Love definitely can't solve everything and you shouldn't have to change your principles because of it imo.
Ma and Sooji felt the most organic to me. He was indeed very pushy, but they didn't blatantly ignore their wrongdoings imo. (btw Esom ily)
What kinda annoyed me a little is that I don't like marriage being put it on a pedestal like in the last minutes of the drama. But I get that for someone it can be a big deal.
Well I listed everything I didn't like, but I do think the drama was mostly beautifully written, had many moments and quotes I could relate to and that are meaningful and insightful, cried a lot because I'm a sensitive boi, understood their parents stories (not liked some ofc), felt very represented by Sehee (only that I don't own an apartment, but my cat does occupy half or more of my brain) because we have difficulties to express ourselves and just in general we think alike (not at the very beginning tho).
I think this is the longest comment I've written here lmao. I'll give it a 8/10 because of how much it made me rethink many things, and because if the first 13 eps. If it would have keep going in that line, it could have been easily a 9 or even a 10, but it was wasted just for the sake of it.
ps: Go Jungmin best girl, not biased at all (lying I love Chungah BUT HER CHARACTERS ARE ALWAYS LIKE THIS, CAN SOMEONE LOVE HER ALREADY).
Also the best chemistry was between Somin and Chungah, don't deny it
we cheered 🎉
Then, I'd like to say too that's this is not a competition of who has it worse, so please don't think that way when you read my next paragraphs. Also sorry if I make a mistake since english isn't my first language 🥲
I hope the following days after this good day isn't to harsh for you. I totally understand when you say you can't accomplish what is easy for others.
I lived 20 years of my life (from 6 to 26) dissociating, to the point that I could do it whenever I wanted and to be concious of what I was doing. That's how I accomplished a lot of things, including studying in a good university and have the 1st place of my faculty, could travel to south korea thanks to my grades, recommendation letters, and getting a scholarship from their government. Same happened the next year but it was Japan this time.
After that I focused on my thesis and intership that happened at the same time.
I worked 4 years in the same prestigious company, even when I was burnout since years ago. When I started working was the moment I started therapy too, since now I could afford it and my parents didn't have a say in my decision since I even moved to another city.
My family is the trigger of many of my traumas and insecurities too. Thanks to them I have a mix of anxious and disorganized attachment styles. My mom is narcissistic and my dad is depressed and submissive.
I'm the younger of 4th siblings (the shorter age difference for me is 6 years, the others are 13 and 14 years older). One of my sisters, the one closest to me in age, was very aggressive towards me, I constantly had bruises because of her since I was a baby until I was 13 yo (when I finally could fight back since she wasn't 'bigger' than me anymore.
My first years I was raised by my god mother, who after a lot of theraphy I recognized consciously her as my mother. Then she moved to another city because of his son entering an university in said city. After that I was pretty much abandoned. I would spend some days with my grandma that hated me since she hated my mom, or I'd who home alone after class and stayed alone until someone arrived.
My brother and sisters caused a lot of trouble since I remember, from fighting, one being a bully, one invented that she was pregnant when she was 12 after going out with a man in his 40s, another used to get home wasted and vomiting after partying to much and repeating classes at uni, and well, my brother repeated years more than once in highschool, to name a few of the things they did.
Since a very young age I unfortunately was aware of all of this, so I tried to be a very quiet kid, I wished I wasn't born at all since I became a financial problem to my family who was already poor.
Somedays, when I was around 4 yo, I had to wait for my older siblings to pick me up from school, which they most of the times they forgot. I was lucky that one of my teacher was nice and took me with her to her house after waiting for more than 4 hours outside of my school. And yeah, I was lucky she wasn't a predator but just a good person, I still have fond memories of her.
I had a very good psyquiatrist for about 5 years. He knew about my PTSD, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, high impostor syndrome traits, and cronic depression (I'm not lying about my diagnosis, I wish I was).
We tried a lot of different types of medications (while being in theraphy with a counselor at the same) time, and after all those years, nothing really worked for me to have a bare base for my psychological therapy, that was our purpose sincewe knew most of my problem came from the psychological side more than the psyquiatric side. At the end he suggested ECT for me. Then he went mia when pandemic started, I think he established from what I heard. I saw many friends have ECT and I can't really afford to be out of myself for a long time, since my family isn't rich, I really need to work (some went back to normal 2 years after that theraphy)
My psyquiatrist now pretty much gave up on me, but will be with me through the DBT theraphy.
There's a loop too that was basically work burn out-> s* word attempt-> psyquiatric clinic (close and no contact with the world except from visits (during first years of pandemic there weren't visits) -> open psyquiatric clinic (you only had to go there for a few hours a day) -> continue normal treatment and go back to work
This loop repeated itself 3 times, and my doctor wanted me to go for a 4th time since I'm in high risk and shouldn't be at home but in a psyquiatric clinic.
I still write my worries one by one as you do, have been doing it for a while, especially when I had a lot of work to do.
My psyquiatrist says the same as you do about works, and it's hard for me to have that mindset, but I try to.
I try to practice a lot of mindfulness, tried sports for many years (not now, I'm round as a ball rn lmao), tried games like chess but I became frustrated instantly if I didn't win (happens with any competitive activity, I can't do it just for the jou of it yet), games same story, even spent a lot of money in some of them, and then quit before it became worse because of my addictive personality. Because of this last one I don't do alcohol or drugs because I know I'd end up really quickly on the streets. My new obsession is kpop photocards, which mean a lot of money too, before this one it was delivery services and so on.
The point is I even tried getting into a religion as a last resort(?), since I don't believe in any of them tbh.
That's why I said I have tried almost anything, even different types of counselors: genre specialists (I'm a trans man unfortunately), dbt specialists, behavioral approach, locus of control, interpersonal psychotherapy, humanistic psychology, and I don't remember what else lol I tried so many times that now I'm kinda tired about it and telling my story again and again, which often hurts.
At the end, I don't victimize myself (I'd hate it) that's why I keep trying by myself too.
But I'm not gonna lie, I'm in a point of my life where I'm extremely depressed, my borderline symptoms are mostly out of control, I don't want theraphy anymore, my medical leave won't last much longer (it has been 6 months already), which means searching for a new work and not be able to pay the dbt theraphy for a few months (that has to be at least one year without interruptions), and I have some trauma related things with work, which makes me event vomit instantly at the thought of having to work again. There's a lot of political issues here that don't help at all too.
So I decided that these last months since I started my medical leave, I'd finally let myself live like a fool, watch anime, dramas, or be on kpop side of twitter all the timeI want, evading reality, caressing my cat, and when the moment comes, I'll leave without regrets, and go meet my godmother, my grandpas and grandma (the one who didn't hate me), my favorites uncle and aunt, and some friends too, in heaven if it really exist (tho I'd probably would go to hell in that case since I'm trans and s*word is a sin too)
Ps: sorry for the long a** answer again, I really hope you will be able to have moments of happiness someday, hopefully soon.
I can understand somehow cause I've all those things, I thought life would be bearable if I had those things, I held onto that little hope for years. I've been called a genius most of my life for my high iq and achievements (that are nothing for me since I suffer from the impostor syndrome). When I was a kid I remember wishing on my birthdays to become stupid, or at least more 'common' since because of how adults treated me I became beyond perfectionist and harsh on myself. The first time I was 5 years old. The first time I consciously tried to die was at 3 yo, that's even difficult to believe for me, because I was just a baby. Many things have happened for me to be beyond treatment, like domestic violence, r***, bullying, being rejected when I revealed that I was lgbtq+, because I wasn't the perfect kid anymore. My mom literally said 'you're not the kid I raised' and my biggest support, my older sister told me I was trying to copy her, you call it. The point about telling a small bit of these things that happened, is that everyone has an story, and not everyone feels the same situation the same way. I wouldn't say we are weak, but maybe too sensitive for the social norms that have been established, and that I personally think that are slowly changing. There is a point when everyone gives up even if before they swore they would't, because as much as you love someone, being the constant support is tiring for those who give it, I know it too well. And it's not our friends fault, because we're the ones than somehow or another achieve to be isolated from the rest of the world. Maybe we think it would be less painful to leave like that, that our beloved ones would miss us less since the distance started while still alive, but I don't really think so imo, they will get hurt anyways, even if we try different ways to make it the less painful possible. I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense from a 3rd pov but I'm trying my best to explain myself.
I still have one friend who tries somehow to prevent another intoxication, she prepares my weekly meds and take the rest home, but at the same time she knows I already gave up and that I'm just investigating better ways to not have to die in a way where I'll become unrecognizable (which is what I want to do now tbh, to not make mistakes and end up alive again), mainly because bystanders don't deserve that huge trauma, and neither do my family and friends. I already found some ways, and honestly even while talking about it I feel numb, as if I was talking about what I had for dinner, probably many people felt or feels this way and it's hard for oneself to know what to do, and even more difficult for the ones that once were our friends ... Aaand I think I revealed too much, I'm sorry if it's too crude, it wasn't my intention.
I hope your heart and mind is at peace since you tried your best 💕 I'm sure he knows
Ps. Sorry again for the long text ã… ã…
It's not an easy decision, in my case it has taken years because I don't want to hurt the ones who are left behind. I know how it feels to be the one left behind and the what ifs and the guilt because my grandfather and friends have left this world this way.
But until what point can one live in a dreadful pain by living for others and not theirselves? I know it may sound harsh and cruel, but if I put me in the first place, all I want is to rest, to tell myself that I did well and that I'm allowed to give up, and to be selfish for the first time in my life.
I hope noone who reads this ever get to this point, and I really really pray for treatment to work for you if you're unwell.
But if someone gives up, please don't hate them, don't blame yourself because it's a very personal decision and rarely its because of an impulse (usually those kind of attempts fail), and it's noones fault. We tried our best to live, so please don't judge us and think that we didn't think about the consequences. We know, and we know that our beloved ones want us to be alive and well and that we're indeed loved, but sometimes, just sometimes, the pain is too much to bear, and suicide becomes the only way to finally put an end to it and rest.
Ps: sorry for the long text and the sensitive topic and point of view