I see most of you are back to torture yourselves over a drama (fiction) you loathe. Revenge is not on the menu. This is just not that type of drama. The writer is examining the dynamics of infidelity at different life stages. Couples do work through it. Some are not willing to throw the baby out with the bathwater! The older you get, the more invested you are. (I bet at least one couple remains together. Can you imagine if all three were to do so?) Life is full of grey areas. And people don’t always get what they deserve, be it a break, good fortune or their comeuppance. The best revenge is always to live well.
Ah yes, the second lead syndrome is a common trope in Asian dramas. But not all second leads are created equal. Often they are foils to the male lead, serving to expose their frailties.But sometimes they are indeed the better choice. A fella with a sense of humour will make me weak at the knees before the handsome, sexy thing with more daring ‘do than he knows what to do with! Frankly, the love interest ought not to be akin to IKEA furniture! He needs to come readily assembled! Or maybe I see the value of being the beloved over the lover in the partnership. Now don’t be thinking me lazy! It makes the reciprocation of feelings so much easier with the darling who lays his cards on the table over the sweetie with an ace up his sleeve! And speaking of sleeves, you always know where the second lead’s heart is! When demons descend, brothers betray or concubines compete, I will fare better, flanked by laughter, love and loyalty than by looks, lasciviousness and longing. But that’s just me. And I can deflect arrows just fine thank you!
The girlfriend is a piece of work. She’s very manipulative and likely a narcissist but she’s not gaslighting…
You are in good company though. I see it misused all the time. Same with psychological diagnoses. I feel it important to get the right information out. Now, I think the girlfriend got on the plane (broom?! ) by herself, since we know another triangle is heading our way, since that the ex got off a plane! Let the games begin! Enjoy!
Holly I am done with HS girlfriend as she totally is gasslighting him into leaving with her. This relationship…
The girlfriend is a piece of work. She’s very manipulative and likely a narcissist but she’s not gaslighting him. Gaslighting is very specific. You are made to question your own reality, memory or perceptions. So basically you no longer trust yourself to know what’s real and what isn’t. If you have the chance, watch the old 1944 movie where the term originated from. It is really unsettling! https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/1/21/14315372/what-is-gaslighting-gaslight-movie-ingrid-bergman
Weren't Ou Wen and Mark supposed to have that dinner with Ou Wen's boss in episode 9? I thought they were but…
Ou Wen told Mark about the work get together that did take place, suggesting that Mark just drop by the restaurant by coincidence. Mark must have gone to the gym instead! lol
Duck! Here comes the triangle. I’m not sure what the ex-hubby ´s motivation is regarding Fei, but he will insert himself in Hsuan Yu’s path to Fei. Not helpful is Fei’s mom being his number one cheerleader. I wish Mark would make a decision between Joanna and Ou Wen. He is sending mixed messages all over the place! He doesn’t know what he wants, or does he want it all?
Hahaha I know the feeling and that's what makes write about these topics. I agree that no matter what happened…
While they cannot be found criminally responsible, they will be held morally responsible. Until we learn more, as a society, all we can do is keep them apart from the rest of us. That being said, there are clues along the way to a potential psychopaths in the making. Potential being the operative word. A child’s behaviour can be influenced by many things and may not continue into adulthood. (A boy’s brain is not fully formed until around thirty!) Conduct disorders in childhood are the hallmark of future issues. And they stem from the severity of callous and unfeeling traits (narcissism for example) they inherited. And those come in varying degrees, from petty theft to harming animals. Different behaviours present in children than in youths.
Interventions can be successful at an early age, but rarely make an impact with adults. Good parenting is the key. And that involves a reward-based approach, rather than a punishment-based (same as for raising great dogs) model. Parental warmth and consistent parental practices are the key. The trick is to have the services in place and parents who give a damn about their child in the first place! If only society recognized that both victims and bullies need help.
Spot on. It also makes one wonder if we are doing everything in our power to help the mentally ill.
Both genetics and epigenetics create a blueprint of who we might become. But that blueprint can change as it’s not set in stone. How come? It’s interplay with the environment can create change. And that can be a good or a bad thing. To make this easier to understand let’s consider the disease model. Let’s say as a child you came in contact with tuberculosis. And it lies dormant in your cells. If you never come into contact with it again, you will not develop full-blown TB. In other words, there is no trigger. The genes we inherit need environmental triggers to be activated as well. So it’s not nature vs nurture, but the interplay between the two. The science community is now saying that nurture has a larger impact than previously thought. Let’s say depression, in any or all of its types, runs in your family. Let’s say you and your siblings all inherit the gene. How depression will present itself, if at all, depends mostly on your early childhood experiences. They will determine if the gene is activated or not. So if one brother was always the recipient of corporal punishment, there’s a greater likelihood the gene will be activated and depression will ensue. Mental illness is not a disease but a disorder. Something in the mechanism of our brains has gone awry. The chemical soup that is each of us is malfunctioning. Too much or too little chemicals being sent out, receptors not able to handle the incoming load or misinterpreting the message sent to them. And those messages wind up backfiring and misfiring. The brain still remains a big mystery to us, with so much still unknown. When it comes to psychopaths, they are born without the ability to feel empathy. It is an emotional dysregulation. And unable to put themselves in the shoes of others is what allows them to perform the heinous acts they do. They are aware of the pain they inflict on an intellectual level, but have no concept of it on an emotional level. In the last few years an interesting case emerged that proved there is some hope for those without the capability of feeling empathy. A neuropsychologist came to learn that by all rights he ought to have become a psychopath! He had up to ten murderers, including Lizzie Borden, in his family tree! So what had made him escape the fate? He had an extremely doting mother that raised him. And that made a huge difference. Not a complete one mind you. He had to learn to fake empathy when it was crucial to maintaining key relationships, such as with his wife and children. So although he cannot actually feel their anguish, pain or disgust, he is aware that he must do so on an intellectual basis because he does care about not losing them. And yes, those close to him are aware that there may be a degree of disingenuousness on his part, they still welcome the effort. And those not so close to him know no better and take his sentiments at face value. I imagine he has been able to rewire his brain to some degree to allow for this behaviour to be possible. And that means there’s hope. But clearly his loving and positive mother made all the difference in his life. But she was probably the exception, as good parenting seems to be the exception rather than the rule in modern society.
Drama chocolate was set in a hospice. It's a very good drama
The comment was included in the article on here. It actually said a ‘hospice ward’ , which suggests a hospital. Would that be different then from Chocolate then? Glad to read it’s is a romance so it won’t be so grim after all.
I see most of you are back to torture yourselves over a drama (fiction) you loathe. Revenge is not on the menu. This is just not that type of drama. The writer is examining the dynamics of infidelity at different life stages. Couples do work through it. Some are not willing to throw the baby out with the bathwater! The older you get, the more invested you are.
(I bet at least one couple remains together. Can you imagine if all three were to do so?)
Life is full of grey areas. And people don’t always get what they deserve, be it a break, good fortune or their comeuppance. The best revenge is always to live well.
Let the whines flow!
Frankly, the love interest ought not to be akin to IKEA furniture! He needs to come readily assembled!
Or maybe I see the value of being the beloved over the lover in the partnership. Now don’t be thinking me lazy! It makes the reciprocation of feelings so much easier with the darling who lays his cards on the table over the sweetie with an ace up his sleeve! And speaking of sleeves, you always know where the second lead’s heart is!
When demons descend, brothers betray or concubines compete, I will fare better, flanked by laughter, love and loyalty than by looks, lasciviousness and longing. But that’s just me. And I can deflect arrows just fine thank you!
I feel it important to get the right information out. Now, I think the girlfriend got on the plane (broom?! ) by herself, since we know another triangle is heading our way, since that the ex got off a plane! Let the games begin! Enjoy!
https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/1/21/14315372/what-is-gaslighting-gaslight-movie-ingrid-bergman
That being said, there are clues along the way to a potential psychopaths in the making.
Potential being the operative word. A child’s behaviour can be influenced by many things and may not continue into adulthood. (A boy’s brain is not fully formed until around thirty!)
Conduct disorders in childhood are the hallmark of future issues. And they stem from the severity of callous and unfeeling traits (narcissism for example) they inherited. And those come in varying degrees, from petty theft to harming animals. Different behaviours present in children than in youths.
Interventions can be successful at an early age, but rarely make an impact with adults. Good parenting is the key. And that involves a reward-based approach, rather than a punishment-based (same as for raising great dogs) model. Parental warmth and consistent parental practices are the key.
The trick is to have the services in place and parents who give a damn about their child in the first place! If only society recognized that both victims and bullies need help.
To make this easier to understand let’s consider the disease model. Let’s say as a child you came in contact with tuberculosis. And it lies dormant in your cells. If you never come into contact with it again, you will not develop full-blown TB.
In other words, there is no trigger.
The genes we inherit need environmental triggers to be activated as well. So it’s not nature vs nurture, but the interplay between the two. The science community is now saying that nurture has a larger impact than previously thought.
Let’s say depression, in any or all of its types, runs in your family. Let’s say you and your siblings all inherit the gene. How depression will present itself, if at all, depends mostly on your early childhood experiences. They will determine if the gene is activated or not. So if one brother was always the recipient of corporal punishment, there’s a greater likelihood the gene will be activated and depression will ensue.
Mental illness is not a disease but a disorder. Something in the mechanism of our brains has gone awry. The chemical soup that is each of us is malfunctioning. Too much or too little chemicals being sent out, receptors not able to handle the incoming load or misinterpreting the message sent to them. And those messages wind up backfiring and misfiring. The brain still remains a big mystery to us, with so much still unknown.
When it comes to psychopaths, they are born without the ability to feel empathy. It is an emotional dysregulation. And unable to put themselves in the shoes of others is what allows them to perform the heinous acts they do. They are aware of the pain they inflict on an intellectual level, but have no concept of it on an emotional level.
In the last few years an interesting case emerged that proved there is some hope for those without the capability of feeling empathy. A neuropsychologist came to learn that by all rights he ought to have become a psychopath! He had up to ten murderers, including Lizzie Borden, in his family tree! So what had made him escape the fate? He had an extremely doting mother that raised him. And that made a huge difference. Not a complete one mind you. He had to learn to fake empathy when it was crucial to maintaining key relationships, such as with his wife and children. So although he cannot actually feel their anguish, pain or disgust, he is aware that he must do so on an intellectual basis because he does care about not losing them. And yes, those close to him are aware that there may be a degree of disingenuousness on his part, they still welcome the effort. And those not so close to him know no better and take his sentiments at face value.
I imagine he has been able to rewire his brain to some degree to allow for this behaviour to be possible. And that means there’s hope. But clearly his loving and positive mother made all the difference in his life. But she was probably the exception, as good parenting seems to be the exception rather than the rule in modern society.
Glad to read it’s is a romance so it won’t be so grim after all.