5
33
2
1
2
1
华山论贱: Nine Yin Token Manuscript
--Review--
As disappointing as the first volume of the Legend of Condor Heroes reboot was, it's LoCH, so I had to check out the rest on the slim chance they would surprise me. Lol nope. Meng Ziyi fans, look away, you've been warned.
ASMR Huang Yaoshi is back, paired off with ASMR Chen Duling. The good news is that she doesn't feel out of place next to Zhou Yiwei. The bad news is that the 'Wicked East' Huang Yaoshi talks with the same energy as his terminally enfeebled wife. So if you pretend that all prior adaptations of the menacing, arrogant HYS doesn't exist, you can probably justify Zhou Yiwei's modern art character interpretation as merely a 'Questionable' element of the show.
Then there's the straight up bad. So apparently some of the rare plaudits for the show's first volume went to Meng Ziyi', as 'the prettiest' Mei Chaofeng. Perhaps a more apt framing is that any role she plays now looks like the 'Mei Chaofengist' XXX. Because at this point her visuals and expressions doesn't match any normal person in Classical China, unless they are wicked or a Yao demon. Cosmetic surgeons should be kinder to actresses in the future and offer renders of them post-op in classical attire, to dissuade them from maxing out the tech-tree on their face. As for acting, MZY goes from stare hard to stare harder. If you combined Chen Duling's perpetually tranquilized look and MZY's perpetually stare-eyed look, you could get 2 full expressions and make something of a believable side character.
The other actors do a pretty decent job, which makes MZY stand out even more. It's like they AI edited MZY from a staring contest into a normal film‒it's that jarring. So quite a few acting reality TV shows have become stalwarts of Chinese television in recent years. They feature a judging panel of renowned actors and mostly inexperienced or idol actors trying to elevate their acting game. You can find episodes of many idol actors who have participated, including some of your popular geges and jiejies. If you can find a subbed version, they are actually quite illuminating into what veterans and directors look for in actors. Watching MZY is exactly like watching one of the clueless mentees doing a botched rendition. I keep expecting Francis Ng or Zhang Ziyi to yell out CUTTT!!, jump out from backstage, and shit on her performance for the next 5 minutes. In fact MZY had been a contestant in several seasons. Her performances were mediocre then, and they haven't improved since.
But don't brand me a MZY hater, I actually think she's quite funny. In fact, she's become a queen of variety shows, known for being outspoken and good-natured, all the while trolling everyone for shits and giggles. While it may sound like an insult to say that MZY's peak acting level is variety show star, it's actually a misuse of her talents to not have her on. So producers, please keep MZY's variety show schedule fully booked, you'll be doing heroic service for two TV genres.
While the acting is bad only for the Fl, the script is atrocious everywhere. Nothing makes sense‒character motivations, backstories, the Wuxia lore, character relationships are all a jumbled mess. The pacing is also ridiculous. They will summarize important plot points in 2 sentences while panning around some jack shit minutiae scene for 5 minutes straight. I can't fathom how in the era of Chatgpt, one can prompt out such a bad script. I know China is testing out AI scriptwriting, but for god's sake, at least use the SOTA reasoning models. I feel like this show originally had a $8000 budget for 2 scriptwriters, then decided to cut out $7000 to use on Zhou Yiwei and Chen Duling's ASMR cough syrup. So they replace the scriptwriters with $1000 of Deepseek tokens, then halfway through MZY comes knocking to take out $850 because she ran out of eyedrops. And now they only have a 4 page outline with no more tokens, and just moved the prompting to the shittiest free trial tier LLM that Temu has to offer. Wait what, Temu has an LLM? I didn't know either, but you heard it here first.
So where do we go from here? I will still pray to the ghost of Jin Yong that despite effing up 2 volumes, the other volumes can squeeze out something adequate. It's just bizarre to assemble that many decent actors and directors to reboot the biggest IP only to churn out such a cesspit. Or at the very least, I hope this time enough people in China will watch this to shit on it. If we are going to be robbed of a good show, at least don't rob us of hilarious mock review videos.
--Category Ratings--
- Overall - 4 (5 - 1 it's LoCH)
- Plot - 4
- Theme / Concept / Impact - 7
- Acting - 7 (8 - 1 MZY)
- Visuals - 8
- Audio / Music - 8
- Rewatch - 2
- Cultural/Topical Accessibility - 7
- Subtitle quality - 8?
As disappointing as the first volume of the Legend of Condor Heroes reboot was, it's LoCH, so I had to check out the rest on the slim chance they would surprise me. Lol nope. Meng Ziyi fans, look away, you've been warned.
ASMR Huang Yaoshi is back, paired off with ASMR Chen Duling. The good news is that she doesn't feel out of place next to Zhou Yiwei. The bad news is that the 'Wicked East' Huang Yaoshi talks with the same energy as his terminally enfeebled wife. So if you pretend that all prior adaptations of the menacing, arrogant HYS doesn't exist, you can probably justify Zhou Yiwei's modern art character interpretation as merely a 'Questionable' element of the show.
Then there's the straight up bad. So apparently some of the rare plaudits for the show's first volume went to Meng Ziyi', as 'the prettiest' Mei Chaofeng. Perhaps a more apt framing is that any role she plays now looks like the 'Mei Chaofengist' XXX. Because at this point her visuals and expressions doesn't match any normal person in Classical China, unless they are wicked or a Yao demon. Cosmetic surgeons should be kinder to actresses in the future and offer renders of them post-op in classical attire, to dissuade them from maxing out the tech-tree on their face. As for acting, MZY goes from stare hard to stare harder. If you combined Chen Duling's perpetually tranquilized look and MZY's perpetually stare-eyed look, you could get 2 full expressions and make something of a believable side character.
The other actors do a pretty decent job, which makes MZY stand out even more. It's like they AI edited MZY from a staring contest into a normal film‒it's that jarring. So quite a few acting reality TV shows have become stalwarts of Chinese television in recent years. They feature a judging panel of renowned actors and mostly inexperienced or idol actors trying to elevate their acting game. You can find episodes of many idol actors who have participated, including some of your popular geges and jiejies. If you can find a subbed version, they are actually quite illuminating into what veterans and directors look for in actors. Watching MZY is exactly like watching one of the clueless mentees doing a botched rendition. I keep expecting Francis Ng or Zhang Ziyi to yell out CUTTT!!, jump out from backstage, and shit on her performance for the next 5 minutes. In fact MZY had been a contestant in several seasons. Her performances were mediocre then, and they haven't improved since.
But don't brand me a MZY hater, I actually think she's quite funny. In fact, she's become a queen of variety shows, known for being outspoken and good-natured, all the while trolling everyone for shits and giggles. While it may sound like an insult to say that MZY's peak acting level is variety show star, it's actually a misuse of her talents to not have her on. So producers, please keep MZY's variety show schedule fully booked, you'll be doing heroic service for two TV genres.
While the acting is bad only for the Fl, the script is atrocious everywhere. Nothing makes sense‒character motivations, backstories, the Wuxia lore, character relationships are all a jumbled mess. The pacing is also ridiculous. They will summarize important plot points in 2 sentences while panning around some jack shit minutiae scene for 5 minutes straight. I can't fathom how in the era of Chatgpt, one can prompt out such a bad script. I know China is testing out AI scriptwriting, but for god's sake, at least use the SOTA reasoning models. I feel like this show originally had a $8000 budget for 2 scriptwriters, then decided to cut out $7000 to use on Zhou Yiwei and Chen Duling's ASMR cough syrup. So they replace the scriptwriters with $1000 of Deepseek tokens, then halfway through MZY comes knocking to take out $850 because she ran out of eyedrops. And now they only have a 4 page outline with no more tokens, and just moved the prompting to the shittiest free trial tier LLM that Temu has to offer. Wait what, Temu has an LLM? I didn't know either, but you heard it here first.
So where do we go from here? I will still pray to the ghost of Jin Yong that despite effing up 2 volumes, the other volumes can squeeze out something adequate. It's just bizarre to assemble that many decent actors and directors to reboot the biggest IP only to churn out such a cesspit. Or at the very least, I hope this time enough people in China will watch this to shit on it. If we are going to be robbed of a good show, at least don't rob us of hilarious mock review videos.
--Category Ratings--
- Overall - 4 (5 - 1 it's LoCH)
- Plot - 4
- Theme / Concept / Impact - 7
- Acting - 7 (8 - 1 MZY)
- Visuals - 8
- Audio / Music - 8
- Rewatch - 2
- Cultural/Topical Accessibility - 7
- Subtitle quality - 8?
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