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"Happiness is not a story, misfortune is"
Young love is a heady experience that eventually has to give way to maturity and communication or else the relationship is doomed to failure. Us and Them showed how love blossomed and faded, but never scattered away.
Jian Qing and Fang Xiao Xiao meet on a train headed to their hometown for Lunar New Year celebrations. The two hit it off and become friends. Both are struggling to make their dreams come true in Beijing. Xiao Xiao dates men older than her who are established because she wants to live in a nice house. After Jian Qing graduates from college, he works odd jobs selling games and porn. His dream is to create a video game but struggles with a lack of time and resources. After a second broken heart, Xiao Xiao moves into Qing’s cramped accommodations and the two eventually become lovers. Financial struggles begin to take a toll on the two as they attempt to make a living in Beijing.
By presenting the couple in the present (in black and white) and the past (in color) we learn how their expectations changed over time. Xiao Xiao went from wanting to live in a nice house to being content to live in a veritable dungeon with Qing. Qing doesn’t get that message and the pressure in his mind to measure up begins to build. Even as their fortunes change, Qing doesn’t comprehend what Xiao Xiao truly wanted. The older versions are able to look back on their younger selves and see the missteps and inevitabilities along the way.
The most heartbreaking element of the film for me, was Qing’s relationship with his father. His black and white problem-solving brain missed what his father tried to tell him. He diminished the sacrifices his father made for him, only realizing how his words cut when it was too late. Sometimes it is too late to say, “I’m sorry.”
Rene Liu created a gorgeous film with stunning snowy vistas, beautiful autumn walks, and claustrophobic living spaces. Jing Bo Ran and Zhou Dong Yu had a believable chemistry as young lovers and older, maybe wiser adults. Tian Zhuang Zhuang gave a touching performance as Qing’s dedicated father.
Us and Them conveyed through the obstacles Qing and Xiao Xiao faced that love isn’t always enough. Communication, trust, perseverance, and understanding are required to hang in for the long haul. All of these things are made even more difficult in poverty and when always on the move for shelter. The dumbest movie advice ever came from 1970’s Love Story, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” It’s just the opposite, love whether romantic or familial means saying you’re sorry and always working to do better. Or I suppose as this film declared, “If you see Kelly, tell her I’m sorry.” Us and Them was a bittersweet tale of love, heartache, and healing well worth giving a try.
17 September 2025
Patti Smyth may have said it best:
There’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are
Baby, sometimes love just ain’t enough
Final note:
Don't skip the credits with real people giving ex-lovers messages. My fave..."Don't come back!" lol It also had a short epilogue.
Jian Qing and Fang Xiao Xiao meet on a train headed to their hometown for Lunar New Year celebrations. The two hit it off and become friends. Both are struggling to make their dreams come true in Beijing. Xiao Xiao dates men older than her who are established because she wants to live in a nice house. After Jian Qing graduates from college, he works odd jobs selling games and porn. His dream is to create a video game but struggles with a lack of time and resources. After a second broken heart, Xiao Xiao moves into Qing’s cramped accommodations and the two eventually become lovers. Financial struggles begin to take a toll on the two as they attempt to make a living in Beijing.
By presenting the couple in the present (in black and white) and the past (in color) we learn how their expectations changed over time. Xiao Xiao went from wanting to live in a nice house to being content to live in a veritable dungeon with Qing. Qing doesn’t get that message and the pressure in his mind to measure up begins to build. Even as their fortunes change, Qing doesn’t comprehend what Xiao Xiao truly wanted. The older versions are able to look back on their younger selves and see the missteps and inevitabilities along the way.
The most heartbreaking element of the film for me, was Qing’s relationship with his father. His black and white problem-solving brain missed what his father tried to tell him. He diminished the sacrifices his father made for him, only realizing how his words cut when it was too late. Sometimes it is too late to say, “I’m sorry.”
Rene Liu created a gorgeous film with stunning snowy vistas, beautiful autumn walks, and claustrophobic living spaces. Jing Bo Ran and Zhou Dong Yu had a believable chemistry as young lovers and older, maybe wiser adults. Tian Zhuang Zhuang gave a touching performance as Qing’s dedicated father.
Us and Them conveyed through the obstacles Qing and Xiao Xiao faced that love isn’t always enough. Communication, trust, perseverance, and understanding are required to hang in for the long haul. All of these things are made even more difficult in poverty and when always on the move for shelter. The dumbest movie advice ever came from 1970’s Love Story, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” It’s just the opposite, love whether romantic or familial means saying you’re sorry and always working to do better. Or I suppose as this film declared, “If you see Kelly, tell her I’m sorry.” Us and Them was a bittersweet tale of love, heartache, and healing well worth giving a try.
17 September 2025
Patti Smyth may have said it best:
There’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are
Baby, sometimes love just ain’t enough
Final note:
Don't skip the credits with real people giving ex-lovers messages. My fave..."Don't come back!" lol It also had a short epilogue.
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