This review may contain spoilers
A complex and addicting dark romance masterpiece
This show! Like a dark horse it came out of nowhere and completely took me by surprise at the end of the year. You would never know this show has a low budget. Production quality, camera work, acting, script are such high quality I'm obsessed! If there is one indicator, it might be some rushed episodes (11 and 15 come to mind), but other than that I have nothing bad to say! I'm personally not the biggest fan of dark romance, but this show has won me over anyway with its wonderful complex characters, their development and the truly insane relationship between the male leads.
We follow two extremely traumatized, broken characters, who match perfectly. Problem: One of them is an obsessed lunatic psycho (sorry Fan Xiao). I also want to warn people: There a several triggers, because this show does not shy away from darker, mature themes.
I have so many thoughts about this drama so I am going to explain the main reasons why this show is so special to me and what the show does exceptionally well. This is one of my all time favorite dramas so this will be long (Spoilers from here on):
They have chemistry without being superficial: The scenes of both main leads are my favorites. The tension is great and one of the best I have seen on screen. From the very first episode to the last, every interaction is so entertaining to watch. Even though passion and spicy scenes are an important part of the show, the conversations between both of them are surprisingly deep and profound, even from the first episode. It truly gives depth to their relationship and makes you somewhat understand why both of them cannot let each other go completely.
It's funny! (sometimes): This show is super dark, angsty and makes your heart ache, but it still has several funny moments: Fan Xiaos shameless behavior and crazy schemes actually made me laugh out loud multiple times. You Shulang being an absolute savage and no-nonsense Person make the show also surprisingly fun. It gives the show a much needed balance.
No "I'm not gay"- BL-Bullshit: I'm sorry, but it gets tiring, that most BLs have one character who literally has to be assaulted into realizing that they are in fact, into men (as well). NOT FAN XIAO, thank god. Even though he says homophobic things and is a self-proclaimed "heterosexual", that man doesn't hesitate doing everything in his power to get You Shulang in his bed after he realizes hes attracted to him. And it isn't a topic afterwards ever again. Yay.
You Shulang is not an easy victim: This is very important, because in most dark romances, passion completely overrides the judgement of the "victim" in the relationship. And yes, there are instances where it happens too, but from the very beginning he is the worst nightmare of every abuser: He has firm boundaries and morals, he has a strong backbone and he doesn't give Fan Xiao what he truly wants, his approval, no matter what he tries. He is one of the best written characters I have seen in a long time.
Fan Xiaos mental health: First of all, there is NO WAY this man would be able to get better without therapy in real life, thank you. But since this is FICTION, I'm going to suspend my disbelief. Because his mental health struggles are actually really well done. One of the reasons I can stomach his terrible deeds, is because he never seems to actually be overly narcissistic or actually psychopathic (yes I asked AI to diagnose him) and his main thing is probably Borderline. I can't remember ever seeing a male rep of borderline only female (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and they have so many parallels wow). Obviously this isn't 100 % true to life or great representation but it actually explains so much of his behavior and his obsession with You Shulang. It also explains why he is actually able to take accountability, feel ashamed, guilty and make better choices later on.
The "Redemption" Arc: In my opinion there is no true absolution to Fan Xiaos crimes, because what he did is simply irredeemable. What is happening instead is that Fan Xiao truly changes as a person to become someone who is able to have a healthy relationship. The main reason why I think this is possible is because Fan Xiao changes his 1st priority in life from wanting to be saved by his Bodhisattva to wanting to save You Shulang. This is a fundamental shift in him, because he finally puts his well being first. Each choice helps him to change from a toxic black flag to a healthier partner. He strips himself of his wealth, so there will be no more power imbalances, he realizes his existence is detrimental to Shulang and leaves him. He takes care of his well being by giving him a family and his dream career. He uses the rest of his "dirty" money and gives it to him. He starts doing honest work and volunteers at an orphanage. He is definitely not perfect, more Yellow than Green Flag. Any time he actually crosses boundaries detrimental to You Shulangs choices, he does it for his "well being"., e.g. he doesn't want him to have a toxic partner but can accept a healthy one. This is the reason why I think their happy end makes sense, because he would leave this relationship (again), if he realizes, that he, again, is a toxic partner to You Shulang.
The acting: I don't have too much to say about Yiran, he is an experienced actor and it shows. There isn't a single scene I thought his acting was subpar, and he absolutely crushed Shulangs character. Yunqi gives out an incredible, charismatic performance for a first time actor. Not perfect, but this role just works for him so well! Also I absolutely love that the team gave guest roles to their staff. Amazing!
The religious themes: My knowledge of Buddhism is quite limited but the religious themes in this drama are very universal. Fan Xiao represents the devil or a demon. He has lived most of this life in the dark with no way out but death. He hates being alive and hates everything about it, because all he can see is darkness around him. When he sees the light (You Shulang) he logically thinks that it is a hoax and becomes obsessed with proving that everyone is inherently bad and "dark". At the same time, goodness and salvation is what he craves the most, which is why it is so interesting that he is quite religious. You Shulang becomes a god in his view and he falls in love with him, because he is truly good. What I love the most about the religious messaging is that, in Buddhist teachings, no god will save you. You have to do the work yourself. You Shulang does not save him, Fan Xiao and his choices do.
The directing and lightning choices: Usually I am not someone who gives much thought into camera work, but the way the director chose light and shadow with both characters is phenomenal. Usually You Shulang has a light shown on him, while Fan Xiao is kept in the shadows. And this changes with their character development throughout. On top of that there a several scenes that I love for the way it was shot e.g. the lighting of the cigarette in the first episode. So well done!
The emotional impact it had on me: Say what you want about this show but it will not leave you indifferent. I had to take a break in some episodes because I felt so awful (ep 8, 10 and 14 especially). I love a fluffy romcom but I will always prefer a show that truly impacts and moves me. And this show has done that so well.
We follow two extremely traumatized, broken characters, who match perfectly. Problem: One of them is an obsessed lunatic psycho (sorry Fan Xiao). I also want to warn people: There a several triggers, because this show does not shy away from darker, mature themes.
I have so many thoughts about this drama so I am going to explain the main reasons why this show is so special to me and what the show does exceptionally well. This is one of my all time favorite dramas so this will be long (Spoilers from here on):
They have chemistry without being superficial: The scenes of both main leads are my favorites. The tension is great and one of the best I have seen on screen. From the very first episode to the last, every interaction is so entertaining to watch. Even though passion and spicy scenes are an important part of the show, the conversations between both of them are surprisingly deep and profound, even from the first episode. It truly gives depth to their relationship and makes you somewhat understand why both of them cannot let each other go completely.
It's funny! (sometimes): This show is super dark, angsty and makes your heart ache, but it still has several funny moments: Fan Xiaos shameless behavior and crazy schemes actually made me laugh out loud multiple times. You Shulang being an absolute savage and no-nonsense Person make the show also surprisingly fun. It gives the show a much needed balance.
No "I'm not gay"- BL-Bullshit: I'm sorry, but it gets tiring, that most BLs have one character who literally has to be assaulted into realizing that they are in fact, into men (as well). NOT FAN XIAO, thank god. Even though he says homophobic things and is a self-proclaimed "heterosexual", that man doesn't hesitate doing everything in his power to get You Shulang in his bed after he realizes hes attracted to him. And it isn't a topic afterwards ever again. Yay.
You Shulang is not an easy victim: This is very important, because in most dark romances, passion completely overrides the judgement of the "victim" in the relationship. And yes, there are instances where it happens too, but from the very beginning he is the worst nightmare of every abuser: He has firm boundaries and morals, he has a strong backbone and he doesn't give Fan Xiao what he truly wants, his approval, no matter what he tries. He is one of the best written characters I have seen in a long time.
Fan Xiaos mental health: First of all, there is NO WAY this man would be able to get better without therapy in real life, thank you. But since this is FICTION, I'm going to suspend my disbelief. Because his mental health struggles are actually really well done. One of the reasons I can stomach his terrible deeds, is because he never seems to actually be overly narcissistic or actually psychopathic (yes I asked AI to diagnose him) and his main thing is probably Borderline. I can't remember ever seeing a male rep of borderline only female (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and they have so many parallels wow). Obviously this isn't 100 % true to life or great representation but it actually explains so much of his behavior and his obsession with You Shulang. It also explains why he is actually able to take accountability, feel ashamed, guilty and make better choices later on.
The "Redemption" Arc: In my opinion there is no true absolution to Fan Xiaos crimes, because what he did is simply irredeemable. What is happening instead is that Fan Xiao truly changes as a person to become someone who is able to have a healthy relationship. The main reason why I think this is possible is because Fan Xiao changes his 1st priority in life from wanting to be saved by his Bodhisattva to wanting to save You Shulang. This is a fundamental shift in him, because he finally puts his well being first. Each choice helps him to change from a toxic black flag to a healthier partner. He strips himself of his wealth, so there will be no more power imbalances, he realizes his existence is detrimental to Shulang and leaves him. He takes care of his well being by giving him a family and his dream career. He uses the rest of his "dirty" money and gives it to him. He starts doing honest work and volunteers at an orphanage. He is definitely not perfect, more Yellow than Green Flag. Any time he actually crosses boundaries detrimental to You Shulangs choices, he does it for his "well being"., e.g. he doesn't want him to have a toxic partner but can accept a healthy one. This is the reason why I think their happy end makes sense, because he would leave this relationship (again), if he realizes, that he, again, is a toxic partner to You Shulang.
The acting: I don't have too much to say about Yiran, he is an experienced actor and it shows. There isn't a single scene I thought his acting was subpar, and he absolutely crushed Shulangs character. Yunqi gives out an incredible, charismatic performance for a first time actor. Not perfect, but this role just works for him so well! Also I absolutely love that the team gave guest roles to their staff. Amazing!
The religious themes: My knowledge of Buddhism is quite limited but the religious themes in this drama are very universal. Fan Xiao represents the devil or a demon. He has lived most of this life in the dark with no way out but death. He hates being alive and hates everything about it, because all he can see is darkness around him. When he sees the light (You Shulang) he logically thinks that it is a hoax and becomes obsessed with proving that everyone is inherently bad and "dark". At the same time, goodness and salvation is what he craves the most, which is why it is so interesting that he is quite religious. You Shulang becomes a god in his view and he falls in love with him, because he is truly good. What I love the most about the religious messaging is that, in Buddhist teachings, no god will save you. You have to do the work yourself. You Shulang does not save him, Fan Xiao and his choices do.
The directing and lightning choices: Usually I am not someone who gives much thought into camera work, but the way the director chose light and shadow with both characters is phenomenal. Usually You Shulang has a light shown on him, while Fan Xiao is kept in the shadows. And this changes with their character development throughout. On top of that there a several scenes that I love for the way it was shot e.g. the lighting of the cigarette in the first episode. So well done!
The emotional impact it had on me: Say what you want about this show but it will not leave you indifferent. I had to take a break in some episodes because I felt so awful (ep 8, 10 and 14 especially). I love a fluffy romcom but I will always prefer a show that truly impacts and moves me. And this show has done that so well.
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