mimi0108

You're absolutely right, CX would never intentionally hurt his loved one. I was no saying that. Only that he is following the same path as his grandfather and, in his way to power, will hurt and use his closed ones.
Even if XY wants her cousin to use her and didn't feel use, the fact is that he used her. XY is traumatized and had waited her cousin for centuries. Of course now they reunited she'll do everything to help him because that who she is. It doesn't make it right though.
Above all, my argument was that as a family, she can accept his ambition (justified since otherwise he will be killed by their uncles) and be used by him. But as a woman, as a lover, she couldn't accept that. Or, at least, not at the cost of sacrificing who she is and her happiness.

Indeed, if CX had not pushed XY towards TSJ, she would not have been able to develop romantic feelings because she didn't yet have at the time. But CX is the kind of man she fears and doesn't want to marry. If he had confessed, it both would have made for an interesting plot but also could have doomed XY because she would probably have given in to CX because he is her family, regardless of her heart and life choices.

As a sister, XY understands and supports CX 100%. As a woman, absolutely not (as we understand when she tries to dissuade Ah Nian from loving him).
CX is like their grandfather, someone who will always put politics before his wife, who will use and hurt those close to him for the big picture. XY absolutely doesn't want a man like that. But maybe if CX had revealed his feelings earlier AND not tried to use XY for political purposes, XY might have ended up agreeing if only because he is the more important man of her life and that she would not have wanted to break his heart.

Thanks for sharing! I've missed this post. It's interesting to know the litteral meaning in chinese.
It's so heartbreaking and tragic.

I know the title of the novel is for CX but I can't help but think the author was also implying XL.
After all, the only one XY definitely loses is him. She has eternity to reconcile with her cousin.
Furthermore, given the changes possibly made in the drama, the title will have less meaning for CX if they follow the leaked script.
While only XL's solo song has the title in its lyrics "I lost you forever". It's definitely not for nothing, right?

Thanks!
*take the crown and put it on XL for being king of "I'll sink with my ship though I never recognized it"*

In which country ?

First, thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts.
Second, I would never hate you for expressing your opinion in such a cute way!
As I said in my post: everyone has the right to have their preferences and find some characters or relationships toxic.
I can also understand that it is more complicated for some to perceive or understand completly the silent love between XY and XL because it is very complex and we have to read between the lines/words/gaze (having read the novel helps too).

XL is the contender who accumulates the most negative points from the start since he is introduced almost as an antagonist and he physically hurts XY several times. He is the apparent antagonist who becomes an anti-hero when the audience gets to know him better, like when he reveals his humanity through his relationship with XY as FFB.

What we have to understand is that XL is a demon raised in violence. He has never known love (friend or family) and has only been abused by humans. He therefore has a deep disgust with himself (seeing himself as a monster) just as much as he is disgusted with human nature. When XY comes into his life, he thinks he has found a companion. Someone who, like him, was abandoned, has no family and is alone. Despite the ups and downs of their relationship, they will immediately seek each other's company (and XY will always forgive him for his violence) because they need a human connection, a confidant, companionship.
They both have a dark and cynical side while being very sensitive, empathetic and protective of their loved ones, which makes them understand each other very well despite their differences. Each will bring comfort to the other in a way. And everyone will see their reflection in the other's eyes. This is what will attract them to each other and create the opening of romantic feelings.
But then she resumes her identity as the princess of Haoling, the daughter of the one who allowed the defeat of Chenrong and the granddaughter of the enemy of XL. She's no longer the abandoned, ordinary person XL thought he was building something with. And XY, now in her female body, can no longer afford to be so close to XL because the feelings and attraction she felt as a man are increased tenfold. And because now she is openly in his enemy side. Therefore, with the arrival of FFB, the relationship between them will evolve into a strong friendship (less complicated and violent than when she was a man) but the feelings already present will continue to develop despite them.

The drama (I'm not going to cite the novel here) shows several times that XY has strong feelings for XL but represses them either because the latter doesn't express his love for her (and she needs to be reassured), or because she is aware he is dangerous (when she thinks back to the time he broke her leg), or either because he keeps abandoning her for Chenrong, or because he is the enemy of her family.

With TSJ, it's easier for her to show her love freely because there aren't all these problems between them and because their love is also less tumultuous (although just as hurtful in difficult times). So the audience can really see their love even if I dare to say there is a great complexity in the building of their love if we look close enough (XY took a lot of time to really fall in love with TSJ and to trust him).

And I agree, XL had the death he wanted even it's quite unfair for him to die for a cause who wasn't his (but I'll have a word with his adoptive father for that one).

Yeah, XY was close to repeat the same tragic fate as her parents. She's able to live a long happy life with a caring man, unlike her mother. But she suffers of an heartbreak like her.

Oh that's nice of you to say and reassure me because I don't have feedback about my written english so I'm always afraid to do some mistake or not been able to express myself correctly.

Of course it's an obstacle that remains in place because of XL's choices. Like as said with "And it's also the choices her two suitors will make that counts."
From the moment XL gives up hope of being with XY (episode 25 of the drama in my opinion), he pushes her towards TSJ because he knows he can't offer her what she wants, thinks she chooses TSJ and so on.
It's a love triangle (even if I don't like to use this word since it's not quite the habitual love triangle) whose conclusion as it exists in the novel is only possible because of everyone's combined choices and XL actions that led to a bittersweet outcome.

In the first part of the story, XL's brutality and his inability to express his gentleness and his feelings created an opening that TSJ seized to demand from XY a promise to wait 15 years without loving another. IIt also leads to XY's need to move deeper into her relationship with TSJ to not let XL walk into her dreams.
Afterwards, FFB's inability to be honest, reveal his true identity, and confess his feelings created resentment and distrust in XY which led to her putting distance between them when his identity was revealed. (I'm only mentioning the romantic side here and not all the obstacles linked to their different loyalties)
And after that, he decides to give up so he pushes her back to TSJ.

On TSJ's side, his insecurity pushes him to get a promise from XY when she wasn't in love with him yet, that he knew she wasn't indifferent to XL, and that he hadn't worked out his issues with his family. This will end up hurting XY deeply and creating mistrust at first because it will take her a long time to sincerely open up to him. Which leaves room for XL to insert himself deeper into her heart and deepen her relationship with him even more since she'll spend years of friendship/flirt with FFB.

As for XY, the fact of having agreed to promise TSJ to wait for him 15 years when she was not in love with him at that time and didn't trust him put her in a complicated situation. Her words to XL about being more terrified of falling in love with him than death traumatized the latter so much that it will impact his attitude and choices towards her for the rest of their lives and so on.

Each of the 3, through their insecurities, choices, actions, attitudes, silent love or openly love will gradually contribute to creating a situation where all 3 of them will suffer, where XY will be incapable of giving up one of them but where each man, in the end , will have the satisfaction of knowing she is kind of happy and protected while knowing she'll never only be to one of them.

It's quite possible that XL wouldn't have given up on Chenrong. But XY, in my opinion, could have been more indulged in her feelings for him, which would have put them both in an even more tragic and heartbreaking situation. And, maybe that would have forced XL to want to take a break for war for a moment or maybe not.

P.S: English is not my native language and I sometimes struggle to express my thoughts well so sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes or awkwardness in my comments.

CJ is the 1st ML but not one of XY love interest, that's why I didn't talk about him. He had feelings for her that go beyond sibling love but are only one-sided.
XY loves him as her brother nothing more.

I should have said "the existence of TSJ is a major obstacle" because yes, you are right, TSJ is clearly not the only reason why XY doesn't choose XL and even without him, she would have had the same issues.
But let's say the existence of TSJ allows XY to toughen up about XL and bottle up her feelings for him because she has a real choice. Without TSJ, XY's reluctance and objections would have had less weight when faced with the idea of ​​being alone. Despite all the problems between them AND the presence of TSJ, XY is more than once shaken by XL and if the latter had had less self-control, XY could honestly have been caught in a dilemma between the two. So if TSJ hadn't been in her life, she was screwed ahah That's what I was trying to say x)

I would just like to post a comment to say:

Regardless of who you prefer (whether as a character or as a couple), can we all agree on what the story is about? Aka XY loves romantically both TSJ and XL, the first openly and the other silently.

I can no longer stand to see TSJ fans say XL's love is one-sided and that XY doesn't feel anything romantic for him (even though the novel AND the drama are quite clear about her romantic feelings for him).
Or to see XL fans degrade TSJ by saying XY chooses him out of pity. Sure, she has no choice because he is the only one of the suitors she likes who openly confesses his love and can offer her a future but the fact remains that she loves him.

It's a complicated, psychological story that shows the imperfection of the characters and the complexity of human feelings. To deny the love XY has for these two men is to miss the story, to miss the stakes, the inner struggle of the FL, it prevents understanding the attitude of TSJ (the promise he asks XY to do to him, his spying, his constant reminders of their promise, his insecurity), and XL's attitude when he takes one step forward and then two steps back.

We can have our preferences (I do) and not appreciate seeing her relationship with one of the two (which is completely legitimate because both relationships are problematic and imperfect) but it's not up to us to decide or to say who she loves. This is a fictional fantasy historical story about a traumatized and flawed young woman. It's her choice that counts, it's what she expects from the future that counts, it's the relationship she agrees to pursuie that counts. And it's also the choices her two suitors will make that counts.

We can debate it. For example, I have a lot to say about XL's attitude towards XY in the first 19 episodes or about TSJ's pressing attitude in his seduction of XY as well as his way of handling his family problems. But we shouldn't do that at the expense of the truth: she loves both, got stuck between two different kinds of love, two different futures, two different men, two different choices. We can debate her relationship without denying her love and care for both of them.

XY and TSJ love each other.
XY and XL love each other.
TSJ is aware XY has feelings for XL and that the latter is a rival.
XL is aware XY has feelings for TSJ and that the latter is more than a rival as his very existence prevents XY from choosing XL as she has a safer, sweeter and loving choice with TSJ.
If all 3 characters can acknowledge that, why can't the audience?

Short answer:
This is a story where the 1st ML is not the love interest of the FL.
The 2nd ML (Jing) is the official love interest.
The 3rd ML (XL) is the secret/unspoken love interest.

Thanks so much! You helped me endure this long wait!

It is interesting that it's Ah Nian who becomes the intermediary.

That's a lot of changes (between those with CX which are very important for the ending and the title of the story and this arc concerning the death of TSJ which is going to be treated differently), I'm curious to see the rendering in the season 2, to understand the choice of direction taken.

Do you remember if the scene where XL try to force XY to tell him who she wants to spend the rest of her life with is in the script or not?

I understand your frustration. However, I think we should not take everything XY says as her true thoughts.
She knows XL loves her and he risked a lot for her. XY also knows he spent 37 years watching over her, giving her the blood of his heart, fainting from exhaustion because of his care and so on.
The problem is that XL refuses to reveal his feelings out loud as well as the sincerity of his care. Instead, she only has his silence, his absence and him using the pretext of transaction in their exchanges. As a result, XY is hurt AND doubts a little about the depth of XL's feelings. She also knows they can't be together.
She therefore buries her feelings and XL's deep inside and focuses on the man who is most likely to never abandon her or hurt her (XL being more unpredictable and dominant, XY is more reassured facing TSJ over whom she has the ascendancy).
XY is unaware XL gave one of his lives for her. But she knows TSJ has given up on living for her.
XY knows XL loves her but he never told her and never acted to be with her, on the contrary he keeps saying goodbye to her (and she spends her time waiting for him). While TSJ keeps telling her he loves her, he's attentive to her, he show that they have a chance to be together, a possible future and so on.
So yes, at that moment, having once again been heartbroken by XL's absence when she woke up and his refusal to see her, she focuses on the man of her life who shows, says and proves his love unceasingly.

I also don't like the relationship she has with TSJ because she seems like a big sister more than equal partners. But, I understand that given the situation, TSJ is the only choice for her. She has 3 suitors (to her knowledge):
- FFL who is only a buddy but who's too much like her cousin for her to love him (since she dislike ambitious man who'll never put their woman first);
- XL who is her best friend whom she loves but he's an angry, impulsive demon, the enemy of her family (he keeps trying to kill her cousin) who fights for a lost cause and refuses not only to reveal his feelings for her but also to reassure her about a possible future between them;
- TSJ who's the dedicate young servant she spent over 6 years with. They are a family and she feels safe with him. She loves that he desperately needs her, that he keeps telling her and showing his love because it reassures her that he will always be there for her.

It's interesting to know what they originally planned and what was changed. Thank you for sharing!
Can I ask you how XL's death happens in the leak script as well as XY's reaction to his death?
I need to be mentally prepared.

I got Xiao Yao, it was fun, thanks!

I think he knows at least that she was by his side on her last day in coma. He saw her swirled then felt her hand on his and finally saw her spirit in front of him before she came back into her body. So he knows at least she was there the last time (and that's why when she wakes up she shouts his name, because she knows she was by his side and isn't surprised at the place where she wakes up).

But yeah, he doesn't know she has been by his side for 37 years and she has heard everything he said to her.
Even if I think part of him is aware of it or suspects it.

This is the tragedy of their story anyway: they love each other and know the other loves them but refuses to say it out loud (so they will doubt the depth of the other's feelings until the end ), they protect each other but XL will always hide his care behind a transaction (so XY will always doubt his real motives and the depth of his feelings for her), they will spend 37 years together but neither of them wants to reveal it to the other (so XL will believe these 37 years were one-sided while XY will keep it to herself, out of fear of what revealing it would mean) etc...
They are very good at lying to themselves, lying to the other, denying their feelings and keeping their precious memories to themselves.

Like it was said, it's XY way of saying "I love you" and "If you could stay FFB, we may have a chance". They never can't say their feelings out loud so they find way to let the other know how they feel.
Of course, it's painful since they can't be and they both stuck in their own choices and loyalties. BUT it's important for them to articulate their thoughts.
I think the only time FFB took bad this sentence was when she said "if I've saved you, it would have been great". Because this time, XY didn't just said she wish he was only FFB, she also tried to rewrite XL story while it can't be. And all her words get through XL's barriers so much that he almost lost control and touched her (which would have change their relation forever).
Their relationship is cruel, tragic and painful. They both hurt each other deeply by their words, choices, actions or silence. But they're also each other biggest support, confident, friends and lover (in a silent way).