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Stellen sie keine fragen!!!
(interrogation room, light shining in eyes)
So! I suppose you think you are ready to watch this drama... well I am not so sure, frauline.
(interrogator sits at table, opens thick manila file folder)
I can see from your file that you have watched... 312 dramas. Impressive, frauline. Most impressive. You are probably thinking you are an expert, ya? You are thinking you know everything about the drama Chinesischen. You have seen the Arthursteinen und the Dilrabaschlager many many times und you are thinking this drama will be amusing und clever with the fancy kostume und the spezial effekte. Well not so fast!
(interrogator slams desk dramatically, then gets up, paces slowly, hands clasped behind his back)
If you are to finish this drama successfully, you must not ask any questions! We will ask the questions here!!!
(pauses to clear throat and adjust tie. continues to pace officiously back and forth)
You will see things that make no sense. You must not let that break you. You must not engage your gray matter. It is of vital importance that you stay focused on your mission!
FL is 400 years old. ML is 20. AH AH! I told you not to ask any questions frauline, and look here you are already you cannot take it. I do not think you will survive at this rate. You must concentrate harder on not thinking or I am thinking you will fail your mission.
Now.... this FL has none of her five senses. But she can walk, talk, understand speech, read and write, paint, cook, play music and so forth.
(slap!)
Frauline!!! Get a grip on yourself! No questions! If you allow the questions to come into the brain, they will never end. Why do they forget the kid all the time? How can she have had 22 previous lovers when she can't feel anything? Why does the ML turn from a psycho bloodlust obsessed maniac into a basket of boneless chicken wings? If the producer can afford such gorgeous costumes and sets then why can't they spend some money on a decent hair stylist? If FL is the most powerful being in the known world, how come someone more powerful shows up in the third to last episode? Why as soon as ML and FL agree to be a couple, do they immediately begin a long-distance relationship? Why is ML able to repeatedly win martial arts battles with the second most powerful being in the known universe when he is only a mortal? Why does ML take FL back after she dumped him so brutally? How can she taste the subtle flavors of the food when she gets a sense of taste, but has no sense of smell?! Zum teufel mit deiner wissenschaft! To hell with your science! To hell with your so-called "Emotionale Logik"!
You must swallow the pain and the angst and focus on die freiwillige aussetzung des unglaubens! Willing suspension of disbelief!!!
(peers closely at frauline)
I see you have finished the first half of the drama, and now you are getting sleepy. Wach auf! Wake up!
(firmly pats frauline's cheek repeatedly to revive consciousness)
You must watch the 17 prefectures plot with the side characters! No, i will not 2x it for you!! No we will not be pressing the skip 10 sec button! You must stay awake or the drama will defeat you and crush you utterly! Here I have brought you the toothpicks for the propping open of deine augenlids and keeping the eyes from closing.
(frauline props eyelids open with toothpicks, continues to watch)
Das ist excellent frauline. Now comes the kisses and sweet confessions. Nevermind that he is dying! Das ist fine. It doesnt matter if he has terminal illness breath and can't feel anything, these are simply useless questions again, you musn't let them intrude on the romance of the drama!!
(more agitated pacing)
Und finally, you are at the finale! ML lives forever in a merciless icy blizzard which torments him as he endlessly fights his way toward a blinding sun, trapped inside a jellyfish from which he can never escape. Isn't it lovely? No?!! Well then you can have das 6 minütige Fanservice-Ende!!!!!
(bangs dramatically on desk)
You have finally completed your mission, frauline. Was it not a happy-making time? Was it not everything you hoped it would be, with the Dilrabadamme and the Arthurschteinen and the artifical intelligence? I suppose you will be watching this drama over and over now, correct?
(frauline weeps tears of relief and runs from interrogation room)
BRUTAL TRUTH SUMMARY: The romance was not romancing, the plot was not plotting, ML and FL have very little shared screentime, ML starts as a borderline yandere badass lunatic and ends as a feeble, cucked, dying shell of a man, and the best part about the whole thing was A) Ding Jia Wen as Feng Yi and B) The insanely gorgeous costumes.
With a budget this big and names this big, I'd call this a fail. The story could not support the weight of this big a production.
YES worth watching once just for the costumes and performances, but NO not worth a rewatch. Therefore: 7.5/10
So! I suppose you think you are ready to watch this drama... well I am not so sure, frauline.
(interrogator sits at table, opens thick manila file folder)
I can see from your file that you have watched... 312 dramas. Impressive, frauline. Most impressive. You are probably thinking you are an expert, ya? You are thinking you know everything about the drama Chinesischen. You have seen the Arthursteinen und the Dilrabaschlager many many times und you are thinking this drama will be amusing und clever with the fancy kostume und the spezial effekte. Well not so fast!
(interrogator slams desk dramatically, then gets up, paces slowly, hands clasped behind his back)
If you are to finish this drama successfully, you must not ask any questions! We will ask the questions here!!!
(pauses to clear throat and adjust tie. continues to pace officiously back and forth)
You will see things that make no sense. You must not let that break you. You must not engage your gray matter. It is of vital importance that you stay focused on your mission!
FL is 400 years old. ML is 20. AH AH! I told you not to ask any questions frauline, and look here you are already you cannot take it. I do not think you will survive at this rate. You must concentrate harder on not thinking or I am thinking you will fail your mission.
Now.... this FL has none of her five senses. But she can walk, talk, understand speech, read and write, paint, cook, play music and so forth.
(slap!)
Frauline!!! Get a grip on yourself! No questions! If you allow the questions to come into the brain, they will never end. Why do they forget the kid all the time? How can she have had 22 previous lovers when she can't feel anything? Why does the ML turn from a psycho bloodlust obsessed maniac into a basket of boneless chicken wings? If the producer can afford such gorgeous costumes and sets then why can't they spend some money on a decent hair stylist? If FL is the most powerful being in the known world, how come someone more powerful shows up in the third to last episode? Why as soon as ML and FL agree to be a couple, do they immediately begin a long-distance relationship? Why is ML able to repeatedly win martial arts battles with the second most powerful being in the known universe when he is only a mortal? Why does ML take FL back after she dumped him so brutally? How can she taste the subtle flavors of the food when she gets a sense of taste, but has no sense of smell?! Zum teufel mit deiner wissenschaft! To hell with your science! To hell with your so-called "Emotionale Logik"!
You must swallow the pain and the angst and focus on die freiwillige aussetzung des unglaubens! Willing suspension of disbelief!!!
(peers closely at frauline)
I see you have finished the first half of the drama, and now you are getting sleepy. Wach auf! Wake up!
(firmly pats frauline's cheek repeatedly to revive consciousness)
You must watch the 17 prefectures plot with the side characters! No, i will not 2x it for you!! No we will not be pressing the skip 10 sec button! You must stay awake or the drama will defeat you and crush you utterly! Here I have brought you the toothpicks for the propping open of deine augenlids and keeping the eyes from closing.
(frauline props eyelids open with toothpicks, continues to watch)
Das ist excellent frauline. Now comes the kisses and sweet confessions. Nevermind that he is dying! Das ist fine. It doesnt matter if he has terminal illness breath and can't feel anything, these are simply useless questions again, you musn't let them intrude on the romance of the drama!!
(more agitated pacing)
Und finally, you are at the finale! ML lives forever in a merciless icy blizzard which torments him as he endlessly fights his way toward a blinding sun, trapped inside a jellyfish from which he can never escape. Isn't it lovely? No?!! Well then you can have das 6 minütige Fanservice-Ende!!!!!
(bangs dramatically on desk)
You have finally completed your mission, frauline. Was it not a happy-making time? Was it not everything you hoped it would be, with the Dilrabadamme and the Arthurschteinen and the artifical intelligence? I suppose you will be watching this drama over and over now, correct?
(frauline weeps tears of relief and runs from interrogation room)
BRUTAL TRUTH SUMMARY: The romance was not romancing, the plot was not plotting, ML and FL have very little shared screentime, ML starts as a borderline yandere badass lunatic and ends as a feeble, cucked, dying shell of a man, and the best part about the whole thing was A) Ding Jia Wen as Feng Yi and B) The insanely gorgeous costumes.
With a budget this big and names this big, I'd call this a fail. The story could not support the weight of this big a production.
YES worth watching once just for the costumes and performances, but NO not worth a rewatch. Therefore: 7.5/10
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