9
3
2
This review may contain spoilers
The Ten Commandments of TBL
These are the commandments that have been handed down to us by the gods of Taiwanese BLs. They shall be the commandments by which any present and all future TBLs may be judged.
1. Thou shalt violate an apparent taboo. So it is that a stepbrother may lie in the Biblical sense with another stepbrother, or a stepfather with a stepson, or a teacher with a student. But a real taboo, thou shalt violate not. For it is a sin. Our purpose here is titillation, not transgression.
2. Thou shalt not utter the word ‘gay’. For it is a sin. Thou mayst love another man, but if anyone shall ask of thee if thou dost, thou mayst answer, “I like not men, I like only you.”
3. Thou shalt always include more than one same-sex couple. For it is the law. The number assigned to thee is two. One is too little, for it adheres too close to the earthly realm; three too much, for it adheres too close to the realm of Thai BL.
4. Employ thou a verily bright colour saturation in thy film, to mask the limitations of thy capital and thy cinematographer.
5. Apply thou, always, a verily thick, sweet, intrusive, and insistent music over thy graven images, to mask the limitations of thy talent and thy words. Drown out all the tender and vital moments of thy show with melodies made by AutoTune Pro, and lyrics conjured by Google Translate.
6. Remember thou that there exist only three acceptable settings for a TBL: a school, a university, and a criminal enterprise (the Lord doth favour the mafia). For these do encompass all of life. Thou mayst aim for complexity by leavening one of the first two settings with the third. Leviticus doth indeed condemn leavening, but it is not prohibited by the gods of BL.
7. Thou shalt have no balance. Remember thou that men must fall over and into each other at every step, puddle, path, street, game, instrument, opportunity, or obstacle in existence. This, and this alone, shall be the occasion for their first kiss. The said kiss may be accidental, forced, or incite a wide-eyed surprise. But a loving nor sensual kiss it may not be.
8. Thou shalt depict at least one instance of fornication in thy tale. Or two, if thou hast taken care enough to inscribe a story for the second(ary) couple. But the act shall not unfold until the penultimate chapter. Thou shalt tease thy viewers for ten long hours, and grant them gratification for ten short seconds, which to most shall be proof positive that Moses was heterosexual. Thou mayst inflict additional torture upon thy viewers by interrupting the said gratification with deafening music and wanton cuts.
9. Thou shalt choose from the following any number of ornaments to embellish thy tale: gentle wiping of the lips (for there is a general want of raiment in our kingdom), gentle forehead kiss, gentle lock-of-hair restoration, gentle somnolent confession, a gentle fever, a gentle towel bath for said fever, a gentle pour-over coffee, a gentle post-modern coffee-shop to house that coffee, and forget not thou, a not-so-gentle last-minute conflict, a forced separation, or a wandering to parts abroad wherein shall cease all modern communication. If imagination thou lackst, thou mayst construct a story from these elements alone.
10. Thou shalt by no means indicate homophobia in thy tale, unless it furthereth thy plot and our cynical purpose. Friends and family shall be universally supportive, unless it force a separation between thy characters. (Parents and spouses shall be left otherwise dead, be it from accident or ailment, to anoint the show with cheap sentiment.) Remember thou, always, that this is a world of pandering fantasy, not reality.
Biblical Proportions:
Commandments Broken: 8 (partly).
Commandments Obeyed: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 (again and again and again), 9, 10.
Observations:
Well, this one is for the books. Every TBL commandment was kept to the letter, except, in small part, for the 8th, and that too only because the love scene between the teacher and student came so early. But then, that scene was so badly done that I wonder if the commandment was broken after all.
There is no writing in this show to speak of, no script, no real story-telling, no serious attempt at characterisation. Nothing. Just the loose outlines of an imaginary BL... The experience of watching this show is something akin to ordering a small package on Amazon. You order a simple toothbrush, and are shocked to find, the next day, a huge cardboard box sitting at your door step, only to realise that, when you open it, there are 7 smaller boxes inside, each stuffed with shredded paper and bubblewrap. By the time you get to the final box, you forget what you ordered, what has arrived, and what you were looking for. You just know there is a huge mess to clean up, and that a lot of trees have given up their lives for it.
The men are beautiful, two of them quite sexy, and for that reason, I gave 'casting' a 5. If any of the actors start *acting*, someone please let me know. I'll be sleeping in the back.
There will be, I imagine, a lot of hand-wringing and pearl-clutching about the teacher-student relationship. But, as the first commandment states, this is just an apparent taboo. No trust has been broken, no consent violated. The age gap is dimunitive, the "teaching" is more like tutoring (lasting a mere few weeks), and both men are above the age of consent. There are no interesting or troubling power dynamics at play here. Nothing to be outraged about. It's just dull.
Finally, for fucks' sake, just say it. It's not the fucking plague. And we are not in Florida.. So say it. Yu Xing is gay. Come, say it with me: "gay". See? The world didn't fall apart.
Verdict:
This is a dreadful show. It might even be one of the worst BLs to come out of Taiwan. Avoid it. Avoid it like radioactive waste.
Reader's Digest:
DO SAY: Blessed Art Thou, O Lord
DON'T SAY: That Don't Impress Me Much
1. Thou shalt violate an apparent taboo. So it is that a stepbrother may lie in the Biblical sense with another stepbrother, or a stepfather with a stepson, or a teacher with a student. But a real taboo, thou shalt violate not. For it is a sin. Our purpose here is titillation, not transgression.
2. Thou shalt not utter the word ‘gay’. For it is a sin. Thou mayst love another man, but if anyone shall ask of thee if thou dost, thou mayst answer, “I like not men, I like only you.”
3. Thou shalt always include more than one same-sex couple. For it is the law. The number assigned to thee is two. One is too little, for it adheres too close to the earthly realm; three too much, for it adheres too close to the realm of Thai BL.
4. Employ thou a verily bright colour saturation in thy film, to mask the limitations of thy capital and thy cinematographer.
5. Apply thou, always, a verily thick, sweet, intrusive, and insistent music over thy graven images, to mask the limitations of thy talent and thy words. Drown out all the tender and vital moments of thy show with melodies made by AutoTune Pro, and lyrics conjured by Google Translate.
6. Remember thou that there exist only three acceptable settings for a TBL: a school, a university, and a criminal enterprise (the Lord doth favour the mafia). For these do encompass all of life. Thou mayst aim for complexity by leavening one of the first two settings with the third. Leviticus doth indeed condemn leavening, but it is not prohibited by the gods of BL.
7. Thou shalt have no balance. Remember thou that men must fall over and into each other at every step, puddle, path, street, game, instrument, opportunity, or obstacle in existence. This, and this alone, shall be the occasion for their first kiss. The said kiss may be accidental, forced, or incite a wide-eyed surprise. But a loving nor sensual kiss it may not be.
8. Thou shalt depict at least one instance of fornication in thy tale. Or two, if thou hast taken care enough to inscribe a story for the second(ary) couple. But the act shall not unfold until the penultimate chapter. Thou shalt tease thy viewers for ten long hours, and grant them gratification for ten short seconds, which to most shall be proof positive that Moses was heterosexual. Thou mayst inflict additional torture upon thy viewers by interrupting the said gratification with deafening music and wanton cuts.
9. Thou shalt choose from the following any number of ornaments to embellish thy tale: gentle wiping of the lips (for there is a general want of raiment in our kingdom), gentle forehead kiss, gentle lock-of-hair restoration, gentle somnolent confession, a gentle fever, a gentle towel bath for said fever, a gentle pour-over coffee, a gentle post-modern coffee-shop to house that coffee, and forget not thou, a not-so-gentle last-minute conflict, a forced separation, or a wandering to parts abroad wherein shall cease all modern communication. If imagination thou lackst, thou mayst construct a story from these elements alone.
10. Thou shalt by no means indicate homophobia in thy tale, unless it furthereth thy plot and our cynical purpose. Friends and family shall be universally supportive, unless it force a separation between thy characters. (Parents and spouses shall be left otherwise dead, be it from accident or ailment, to anoint the show with cheap sentiment.) Remember thou, always, that this is a world of pandering fantasy, not reality.
Biblical Proportions:
Commandments Broken: 8 (partly).
Commandments Obeyed: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 (again and again and again), 9, 10.
Observations:
Well, this one is for the books. Every TBL commandment was kept to the letter, except, in small part, for the 8th, and that too only because the love scene between the teacher and student came so early. But then, that scene was so badly done that I wonder if the commandment was broken after all.
There is no writing in this show to speak of, no script, no real story-telling, no serious attempt at characterisation. Nothing. Just the loose outlines of an imaginary BL... The experience of watching this show is something akin to ordering a small package on Amazon. You order a simple toothbrush, and are shocked to find, the next day, a huge cardboard box sitting at your door step, only to realise that, when you open it, there are 7 smaller boxes inside, each stuffed with shredded paper and bubblewrap. By the time you get to the final box, you forget what you ordered, what has arrived, and what you were looking for. You just know there is a huge mess to clean up, and that a lot of trees have given up their lives for it.
The men are beautiful, two of them quite sexy, and for that reason, I gave 'casting' a 5. If any of the actors start *acting*, someone please let me know. I'll be sleeping in the back.
There will be, I imagine, a lot of hand-wringing and pearl-clutching about the teacher-student relationship. But, as the first commandment states, this is just an apparent taboo. No trust has been broken, no consent violated. The age gap is dimunitive, the "teaching" is more like tutoring (lasting a mere few weeks), and both men are above the age of consent. There are no interesting or troubling power dynamics at play here. Nothing to be outraged about. It's just dull.
Finally, for fucks' sake, just say it. It's not the fucking plague. And we are not in Florida.. So say it. Yu Xing is gay. Come, say it with me: "gay". See? The world didn't fall apart.
Verdict:
This is a dreadful show. It might even be one of the worst BLs to come out of Taiwan. Avoid it. Avoid it like radioactive waste.
Reader's Digest:
DO SAY: Blessed Art Thou, O Lord
DON'T SAY: That Don't Impress Me Much
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