Honglou Meng

Takeuchi Ryoma: 9/10
Machida Keita: 7/10
Takeuchi Shirtless: 999999999/10
Machida Suited: 100/10
The Kisses: 9/10
Machida finally agreeing to kiss another man: 999/10

Takeuchi’s Dancing: 9/10
Machida’s Dancing: 7.55/10
Doi & Ishii’s (Underrated) Dancing: 8/10
Choreography: 7.99/10

Chemistry: 7/10
Heat: 8/10
Spice: 5/10
Syrup: 1.5/10

Latin stereotypes (offensive): -100/10
Latin stereotypes (well-meaning): -10/10
Every gratuitous mention of Cuba and Havana: -25/10
Every comparison of those repressed Brits and Japanese to those hot-blooded alcoholic Cubans: -10/10
That particular comparison of the Queen to Fidel Castro as the erstwhile embodiments of Britain and Cuba (wait, I need to throw up): -101/10

Script (there was none) : 0/10
Cohesion (there was none): 0/10
Characterisation (thanks mainly to Takeuchi’s acting): 5/10
Story (as it was not told): 2/10

Cinematography (except the Latin parts): 7/10
Cinematography (the Latin parts, aka, the Tropicana filter): 2/10

The Can’t-stop-thinking-about-them Score: 9/10
The Ending (aka, Sequel Baiting, aka, Edging): 5/10
Not having a 10Dance in a movie called 10Dance: -5/10

Reader’s Digest:
DO SAY: Dance is neither about technique nor stamina. Love is what makes it whole.
DON’T SAY: Then make it whole!