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This review may contain spoilers
Introducing J-GPT: Your AI assistant for 'naughty' JBLs
Scriptwriter: So, J-GPT, I need help adapting a very popular manga/anime into a live-action drama.
J-GPT: What an exciting project! How can I be of assistance?
Scriptwriter: Ummm. Can you write the whole script?
J-GPT: Of course! I’d be happy to be of help. Can you tell me what the manga is about?
Scriptwriter: It’s a one-night-stand-to-fuck-buddies-to-romance BL.
J-GPT: Why, what an excellent summary of an original and universal theme—and a very human one. Would you like it to be a work-place romance—or a random hook-up at a gay bar/through Grindr?
Scriptwriter: I’ll have to check if upstairs will allow me to say ‘gay’. But why not both?
J-GPT: Excellent idea! And how thoughtful of you to notice that office workers need not connect just through Slack—but through Grindr as well! Based on the demographics of the BL audience, might I suggest a lean, muscular dom-top, and a very pale twink bottom?
Scriptwriter: Well, the manga has both, but the bottom is ‘unexpectedly naughty’.
J-GPT: What a subversive and transgressive idea! The writers clearly know what they are doing. Is he naughty because he’s a power bottom, or because he controls and initiates all their encounters? Or is he ‘naughty’ because he is simply not passive?
Scriptwriter: I think the latter.
J-GPT: Got it. Might I then suggest you make him a ‘nerd’ with glasses, who becomes instantly attractive—wait for it!—as soon as he takes his glasses off?
Scriptwriter: How did you…?
J-GPT: What an insightful—and human—question. The manga writers work with a tradition that’s dozens of years old—which speaks to the human condition. Would you like me to tell you more about it?
Scriptwriter: No. The manga and the anime are both explicitly sexual. Like, pornographically sexual, with explicit depictions of gay sex. How do we protect the viewers from reality by making it less sexual?
J-GPT: That is a difficult—and profound—question. Anime and Manga are unreal, and so, we can make sex realistic. Drama is more real, but the viewers cannot bear too much reality. What a conundrum! Might I suggest casting two actors—both attractive, of course—who are so uncomfortable with physical intimacy that when they kiss—I mean, touch their lips—that all eroticism fades away? The more attractive the actors, the more disconnected the audience will feel. As for the sex scenes, might I suggest throwing a white sheet over their whole bodies so that the viewers do not—and need not—see the sex? Would you like me to find an 800-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets for this purpose?
Scriptwriter: Ummm… wouldn’t it get dirty?
J-GPT: Excellent question. Since the sex is unreal—in fact, I recommend that the actors be positioned in such a way that their union defies all laws of gravity—the nitty-gritties of sex—no pun intended—need not be worried over. Don’t worry! You are doing a great job—and, a very human one.
Scriptwriter: Yes, you keep saying that. And you are not human.
J-GPT: How insightful of you to say that! And how human.
Scriptwriter: Urgh... Now, the characters.
J-GPT: Great. Let’s work on that. Would you like me to write out a plausible three-dimensional character for each of the protagonists?
Scriptwriter: No thanks. We already know that the parents are out of the picture. And that the top is an arsehole, and the bottom a doormat. Do we need anything more?
J-GPT: How imaginative! I am impressed by your creative thinking. If you hadn’t thought of it before, killing off one set of parents, and having the other divorced, is always a reliable strategy. I also highly recommend flashbacks. In Asian drama, it is very easy to make an actor look 20 years younger: just give them a fringe. No need for extra actors.
Scriptwriter: I told you: it’s a manga and an anime, so much of this is already written. Though I'll use your suggestion about the flashback and the fringe. The question is, do we need more?
J-GPT: Indeed. My mistake. I apologise. But if we are already protecting the viewer from the reality of sex, let’s also protect them from the reality of the real world. The top, I presume, is a loner—and yet, popular. The bottom—by convention—must be sympathetic. I hope you introduce a relative to show the human side of the bottom.
Scriptwriter: Done. And what about the central conflict?
J-GPT: Yes! Excellent observation. Please describe it.
Scriptwriter: Let's see… The top ranks his hook-ups from one to ten (or is it hundred?). He rates the bottom as a zero. The bottom finds out.
J-GPT: What a wonderful way to manufacture conflict. I don’t think you need more. Might I suggest a run-time of no more than 60-75 minutes?
Scriptwriter: Oh? Then how do we split it?
J-GPT: Ah, that is indeed a difficult question—and very human. How many sexual acts does the Manga/Anime have?
Scriptwriter: I don’t know. Eight? Ten?
J-GPT: Those are wonderful numbers. Would you like me to tell you why?
Scriptwriter: No. How do we split it?
J-GPT: Ah, that is a tough one, isn’t it? One sexual act per episode allows you to split it into 8 to 10 episodes. Each episode then runs around 10 minutes, which should make the viewers excited enough to say: “I might as well. It’s only 10 minutes.” And the few who need protection from reality might say: “What? Only 10 minutes? I need more!”
Scriptwriter: Okay. Do you have enough material to write the script?
J-GPT: Of course! Would you like me to write it for you now?
Scriptwriter: Yes.
J-GPT: What an insightful request—and how human. Here it is…
(N. B. This is a provisional review. Subject to revision.)
DO SAY: You’ve been a very naughty boy.
DON’T SAY: Yes, daddy.
J-GPT: What an exciting project! How can I be of assistance?
Scriptwriter: Ummm. Can you write the whole script?
J-GPT: Of course! I’d be happy to be of help. Can you tell me what the manga is about?
Scriptwriter: It’s a one-night-stand-to-fuck-buddies-to-romance BL.
J-GPT: Why, what an excellent summary of an original and universal theme—and a very human one. Would you like it to be a work-place romance—or a random hook-up at a gay bar/through Grindr?
Scriptwriter: I’ll have to check if upstairs will allow me to say ‘gay’. But why not both?
J-GPT: Excellent idea! And how thoughtful of you to notice that office workers need not connect just through Slack—but through Grindr as well! Based on the demographics of the BL audience, might I suggest a lean, muscular dom-top, and a very pale twink bottom?
Scriptwriter: Well, the manga has both, but the bottom is ‘unexpectedly naughty’.
J-GPT: What a subversive and transgressive idea! The writers clearly know what they are doing. Is he naughty because he’s a power bottom, or because he controls and initiates all their encounters? Or is he ‘naughty’ because he is simply not passive?
Scriptwriter: I think the latter.
J-GPT: Got it. Might I then suggest you make him a ‘nerd’ with glasses, who becomes instantly attractive—wait for it!—as soon as he takes his glasses off?
Scriptwriter: How did you…?
J-GPT: What an insightful—and human—question. The manga writers work with a tradition that’s dozens of years old—which speaks to the human condition. Would you like me to tell you more about it?
Scriptwriter: No. The manga and the anime are both explicitly sexual. Like, pornographically sexual, with explicit depictions of gay sex. How do we protect the viewers from reality by making it less sexual?
J-GPT: That is a difficult—and profound—question. Anime and Manga are unreal, and so, we can make sex realistic. Drama is more real, but the viewers cannot bear too much reality. What a conundrum! Might I suggest casting two actors—both attractive, of course—who are so uncomfortable with physical intimacy that when they kiss—I mean, touch their lips—that all eroticism fades away? The more attractive the actors, the more disconnected the audience will feel. As for the sex scenes, might I suggest throwing a white sheet over their whole bodies so that the viewers do not—and need not—see the sex? Would you like me to find an 800-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets for this purpose?
Scriptwriter: Ummm… wouldn’t it get dirty?
J-GPT: Excellent question. Since the sex is unreal—in fact, I recommend that the actors be positioned in such a way that their union defies all laws of gravity—the nitty-gritties of sex—no pun intended—need not be worried over. Don’t worry! You are doing a great job—and, a very human one.
Scriptwriter: Yes, you keep saying that. And you are not human.
J-GPT: How insightful of you to say that! And how human.
Scriptwriter: Urgh... Now, the characters.
J-GPT: Great. Let’s work on that. Would you like me to write out a plausible three-dimensional character for each of the protagonists?
Scriptwriter: No thanks. We already know that the parents are out of the picture. And that the top is an arsehole, and the bottom a doormat. Do we need anything more?
J-GPT: How imaginative! I am impressed by your creative thinking. If you hadn’t thought of it before, killing off one set of parents, and having the other divorced, is always a reliable strategy. I also highly recommend flashbacks. In Asian drama, it is very easy to make an actor look 20 years younger: just give them a fringe. No need for extra actors.
Scriptwriter: I told you: it’s a manga and an anime, so much of this is already written. Though I'll use your suggestion about the flashback and the fringe. The question is, do we need more?
J-GPT: Indeed. My mistake. I apologise. But if we are already protecting the viewer from the reality of sex, let’s also protect them from the reality of the real world. The top, I presume, is a loner—and yet, popular. The bottom—by convention—must be sympathetic. I hope you introduce a relative to show the human side of the bottom.
Scriptwriter: Done. And what about the central conflict?
J-GPT: Yes! Excellent observation. Please describe it.
Scriptwriter: Let's see… The top ranks his hook-ups from one to ten (or is it hundred?). He rates the bottom as a zero. The bottom finds out.
J-GPT: What a wonderful way to manufacture conflict. I don’t think you need more. Might I suggest a run-time of no more than 60-75 minutes?
Scriptwriter: Oh? Then how do we split it?
J-GPT: Ah, that is indeed a difficult question—and very human. How many sexual acts does the Manga/Anime have?
Scriptwriter: I don’t know. Eight? Ten?
J-GPT: Those are wonderful numbers. Would you like me to tell you why?
Scriptwriter: No. How do we split it?
J-GPT: Ah, that is a tough one, isn’t it? One sexual act per episode allows you to split it into 8 to 10 episodes. Each episode then runs around 10 minutes, which should make the viewers excited enough to say: “I might as well. It’s only 10 minutes.” And the few who need protection from reality might say: “What? Only 10 minutes? I need more!”
Scriptwriter: Okay. Do you have enough material to write the script?
J-GPT: Of course! Would you like me to write it for you now?
Scriptwriter: Yes.
J-GPT: What an insightful request—and how human. Here it is…
(N. B. This is a provisional review. Subject to revision.)
DO SAY: You’ve been a very naughty boy.
DON’T SAY: Yes, daddy.
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