KtzezFigtz

The boy was also of the same age. Would you find it fine if he also behaved the same way as that of the girl? Conveying emotions and communication is of great importance. Just as the girl was scared and unknown of what is coming next the boy was too . Don't excuse her behaviour just by saying it as momentary impulse. Let's accept someone's fault where it is just.

Very good and like their dynamics so much. The way the fl looks at the ml is so mesmerizing.

Can you tell me the name of the drama in which the ML waas disrespectful towards fl?

Fair enough—you say you're defending her because I brought her up. But let’s not pretend like that isn’t the exact definition of selective bias. You're okay with everything she does because you understand her, but when the ML lashes out, it’s emotional manipulation and whatnot. You understanding her doesn't make her less abusive. That’s not balance—that’s exactly the double standard I called out.

You keep saying “he should’ve communicated.” Sure. But slapping, gaslighting, and dragging third parties into their mess isn’t communication either. If we’re excusing abuse because “they’re both hurting,” we’re not talking about romance anymore—we’re just justifying toxicity.

Anyway, you’re tired of the back and forth—fair. So am I. Let’s leave it at this: If both are flawed, then both should be held accountable. Not just the one who doesn’t fit the narrative you’re rooting for.

Peace.

I get your point—you’re trying to say both leads are flawed and that the blame is shared. That’s fair on the surface, but let’s dig a little deeper into *how* that blame is being assigned and *what* people are excusing.

You're saying the ML “started it.” But that logic *does* become a justification when it’s constantly used to excuse the FL’s over-the-top retaliation—slaps, manipulation, jealousy games, and emotional punishment. Saying “I’m not justifying it, just stating facts” doesn’t erase the effect when those “facts” are being used to rationalize her actions. You can’t wave the flag of mutual accountability while consistently softening her faults and sharpening his.

Let’s not act like slapping someone across the face repeatedly is an equal response to lack of communication or emotional distance. The FL is physically violent *multiple* times, and instead of being called out for it, it’s brushed off because “she’s angry” or “he deserved it.” If a male lead slapped a female lead this often, no one would be defending him. Period.

And sure, the ML isn’t some angel—he’s emotionally closed off, he plays games, and yes, he hurt her. But people conveniently forget that half of the stuff he does (keeping secrets, pushing her away) is rooted in grief, revenge, or confusion about a potential incestuous relationship—not because he wants to ruin her for sport. Meanwhile, the FL’s outbursts are often ego-driven. She gets jealous and lashes out. She gets suspicious and turns cold. She gets angry and throws hands. And yes, she apologizes—*after* the damage is done.

Let’s also talk about this “he almost attempted rape” accusation. Let’s stop casually throwing that around. Force kissing is wrong, sure, but labeling it as “almost rape” when that’s not supported by the narrative is serious—and unfairly dramatic. If we’re going to criticize toxic behavior, let’s do it responsibly.

Now to your last question: *“Why does the ML get a pass and not the FL?”*
Honestly? He doesn’t get a pass. He gets criticized all the time—people call him manipulative, cold, secretive, toxic, emotionally unavailable—you name it. The problem is that whenever the FL’s actions are questioned, there’s always a scramble to explain it away with “she was hurt,” “she didn’t know,” or “he did worse.” That’s the double standard we’re pointing out.

If we’re going to be fair, let’s actually *be* fair. Stop excusing one character’s repeated emotional and physical abuse while nitpicking every bad decision the other makes. Being flawed isn’t a license to be cruel—no matter who you are.

Ah yes, the classic tale: a guy pushes a girl away, and in return, he apparently signs up for the full deluxe punishment package—emotional torture, public humiliation, a few slaps for flavor. All justified, of course, because “he started it.”
Let’s just reverse the roles for a second. Imagine a drama where the FL pushes the ML away—for personal reasons,whatever. In return, he disrespects her, hits her, uses other women to make her jealous, plays with her emotions, and still expects her to crawl back to him because deep down he “loves” her. Would you cheer for that male lead? Or would you be calling him a red flag, waving banners about toxic masculinity, and demanding justice?

Because in Cdramas, apparently a man’s role is to sit there and take whatever the female lead dishes out. Abuse? Sure. Jealousy games? Fine. Slaps on repeat like it’s a drama-inspired WWE match? Totally romantic. Because she’s the FL and her trauma, ego, and revenge are obviously sacred.
And let’s not pretend that one half-baked apology sprinkled here and there erases everything. You don’t get a gold star for saying sorry when you’ve been throwing punches the whole show. Accountability isn’t just lip service—it’s consistent action, mutual respect, and not treating your love interest like a chew toy while figuring out your personal vendettas.
Yes, the ML isn’t perfect. But newsflash: "he pushed her away" doesn’t automatically give the FL a moral blank check to walk all over him. If you're going to demand maturity from one character, it better go both ways.

Bottom line? If we wouldn’t tolerate a male lead acting like this toward a female lead, we sure as hell shouldn’t excuse it just because the roles are reversed.Abuse isn’t romantic just because it's dressed up in pretty lighting and tragic backstories.

Well it's because you are a girl , you are watching the drama from FL's pov . And so it doesn't feel that much bad. But if the relationship dynamics is changed between ML and FL, you would get what is mainly the issue that he is trying to convey .

That doesn't make it better though

Ah yes, the classic ‘just insult instead of thinking’ approach. Must be nice to live in a world where any criticism of double standards gets dismissed as ‘incel mentality.’ Try engaging your brain next time instead of just parroting buzzwords 🙂

Exactly! That whole “slap first, think later” trope is just frustrating. When an FL does it, she’s praised for being a “boss lady” or “empowered” that stands up for herself but if an ML ever dared, he’d be instantly villainized. Till date I haven't seen a cdrama where the ML slaps the FL for her wrongdoings. The narrative always pushes, “gentlemen don’t hit ladies,” but somehow, a man is just supposed to take it without complaint. And of course, he’ll probably end up apologizing for it too.

But let’s be real—Cdramas cater mostly to female viewers, so they shape the narrative to fulfill their fantasies. That’s why FLs can get away with anything, while MLs are written to just endure it.

I see what you’re saying—Sang Yan’s love was built on shared history and quiet attachment, and I agree the drama conveyed his emotions subtly rather than spelling them out.

But what you’re describing actually proves my point. His love keeps deepening, but it’s entirely internal—none of Wen Yifan’s active actions are shown as shaping it. Meanwhile, she faces uncertainty and growth, making her journey dynamic while his love remains a fixed, unwavering truth.

Subtlety only works when there’s enough foundation to make emotions resonate. The drama hinted at his struggles, but it never truly let us into his perspective the way it did with Wen Yifan. His love, while meaningful, felt more like a constant presence than a fully realized arc. That’s why, despite being the male lead.

I get that we see this differently, and I appreciate the discussion. My point was never that Sang Yan was meaningless or lacked depth—just that his perspective wasn’t explored with the same depth as Yi Fan’s. He had growth in different areas, but the emotional weight of the story remained centered on Yi Fan’s healing, with Sang Yan as her anchor, not the other way around.

It’s not about his struggles needing to be “dramatic,” but rather that his internal journey wasn’t given equal focus. Since this was marketed as his story, I expected to experience more of his emotional perspective rather than mostly seeing him through Yi Fan’s lens.

That said, I see where you’re coming from, and I respect the difference in opinion. Thanks for the discussion!

So does this balances out her number of throwing tantrums?

Sang Yan’s love and endurance definitely shaped the story, and I’m not saying his journey was meaningless. His quiet patience and regrets added emotional weight to Yi Fan’s healing.

However, being emotionally present isn’t the same as having a fully developed arc. His struggles were there, but they weren’t explored with the same depth as Yi Fan’s. We understood her trauma, her healing, and her internal conflicts in detail, while Sang Yan’s emotions—his pain, his waiting, his personal growth—were mostly implied rather than fully experienced.

You say his choices mattered just as much, but the narrative rarely let us sit with his perspective, his turning points, and his struggles independent of Yi Fan. That’s why, despite being the male lead, he ultimately felt more like the strongest supporting character rather than a true protagonist.

I agree that Sang Yan’s love wasn’t just blind devotion—he admired Wen Yifan’s resilience, and his feelings grew over time. But admiration alone doesn’t explain why his love became so unwavering that he waited years for her.

You mention his hesitation, longing, and regret, but these emotions were subtle to the point of being underdeveloped. Where was the turning point in his feelings? What moments cemented his love so deeply that he never moved on? The drama shows us that he loves her, but it never truly explores how and why his love became so absolute.

Subtlety is powerful, but there’s a fine line between being nuanced and simply leaving a character underwritten. Sang Yan’s love had depth, but his emotional journey was never given the same weight as Wen Yifan’s. And that’s the imbalance that makes his side of the story feel incomplete.

Like?

I agree that Sang Yan played a crucial role in Yi Fan’s journey. His presence, support, and influence were undeniable, and without him, the story wouldn’t have worked.
However, my point isn’t that Sang Yan was irrelevant—he was definitely important—but rather that the narrative structure placed him more in a supporting role to Yi Fan’s story. While we saw aspects of his life, they were often shown in relation to how he helped or affected Yi Fan. His motivations, struggles, and emotions were not explored as deeply as hers.
Since this was marketed as Sang Yan’s spin-off, I expected a deeper dive into his perspective—his emotional journey, what he went through all those years waiting for Yi Fan, his internal struggles, and how he dealt with his feelings. Instead, the story prioritized Yi Fan’s growth and healing, with Sang Yan as her pillar of support. That’s why I feel that, despite being the male lead, his role leaned more towards being a main supporting character rather than a protagonist in his own right.

I see your point, and I agree that Sang Yan's feelings weren’t completely shallow. The drama does show that he admired her resilience and kindness, and he was there for her during a difficult time in her life. I appreciate those aspects of their relationship.
However, my issue isn’t that he loved her—I understand that he did. My concern is that the drama doesn’t explore it deeply from his perspective. We see that he was always there for her, but we don’t truly experience how he fell for her beyond the typical 'love at first sight' trope. Did he struggle with his feelings? Was there a moment where he consciously realized she was 'the one'? What about her actions made him fall so deeply? The drama tells us that he loves her, but it doesn’t really show us those defining moments from his point of view.
In contrast, we get a lot of insight into Wen Yifan’s emotional struggles, growth, and how she moves past her trauma. But Sang Yan’s love feels more like a constant—he loves her, he waits for her, he supports her. His love is absolute, but it lacks depth in terms of how it formed and why it lasted so long. That’s what I wish the drama had explored more.

Yes , that's also what I am talking about. He was supporting in novel and more of main supporting character in the drama.

But still you can't deny the fact the story was about yi fan more than sang yan . Yeah they showed his workplace and other things but the prime focus was on yi fan , her trauma and how she dealt with it with the help of sang yan and they finally got a happy ending. I am not saying it is bad but yeah sang yan was more of a main supporting character in the story .
I expected it to be more about him while I heard that there was going to be a spin off about sang zhi's brother.