Xiang83

Love has many definitions. But the most lasting reliable love is Builder's love. Choosing to build, to realise, to maintain, to rework where necessary through good and bad, and to cherish. It is also the most emotionally mature love. And it takes time with practise.

You're welcome. I will say frankly if someone does not understand the mandarin plus the culture, whatever interpretations given will be lacking even after reading the novel and watching the drama.

The other thing is that Cang Xuan, Tushan Jing and Xiang Liu are not free to choose only for themselves. Each of them is bound to very heavy responsibilities and people relying on them, and unless they can give those up, they are not free to choose for themselves solely and wrong choices all have consequences for the people they need to consider. The pressure is horrible. Cang Xuan's is the worst. Tushan Jing's evaluative abilities did not arise only because he was born to a high position. He went through a lot of trauma himself. Each of the three men were deprived of emotional support and an equal, for much of their lives. When you have an equal (not a parental figure) who can freely tell you what you need to know, whose judgment is sound, and helps you grow emotionally, that is akin to gaining a whole world.

Xiao Yao, unkind as it sounds, was never an equal for any of them. If I lived in that world, I would not find Xiao Yao attractive because of her issues, which I would not fault her for because nobody can heal her, only time and life. Only after Xiang Liu dies, can she finally reach solid ground emotionally. And then she can finally be an equal for Tushan Jing.

I have only browsed a few discussions. But what I find lacking is the evaluation of each character as a person and their past. If anything, they each have my sympathy right from the start. And ultimately, as a person, who would not want the best for each of them? What is defined as best depends on the viewer.

The drama actually answers certain questions from the books. I have read the necessary and also watched until Season 2 episode 10 of the drama. Whether Xiao Yao loves Tushan Jing or Xiang Liu is not the question, but who Xiao Yao loves as her soulmate. Cang Xuan is brother-zoned, which leaves Tushan Jing and Xiang Liu.

There are 2 incidents in the books which is shown in the drama, and gives the answer. Xiao Yao was close to waking up in her own body in the clamshell (after episode 31 in Season 1 of the drama), when Xiang Liu told her Tushan Jing was dying. In the drama, Xiao Yao's reaction is not the reaction of a woman in love. She is not heart-broken or anguished upon hearing Tushan Jing's condition of dying. She is focused wholly on Xiang Liu, and does not want him to hate her. When Xiao Yao wakes up and Xiang Liu is not present, her focus is to find him. When Furball turns up, she asks about Xiang Liu. And before she leaves on Furball, she sheds tears.

At that point, the drama is helping the audience confirm in the book that Xiao Yao is not in love with Tushan Jing, because this is how the director with the help of the author herself has wanted for these scenes. Xiao Yao is touched by what Tushan Jing has done for her and wants to be in love with Tushan Jing because that is what her rational mind tells her, but she is not in love with Tushan Jing. Xiao Yao loves Xiang Liu, because the Lovers' bugs are still safely growing inside each of them. If she was in love with Tushan Jing or his life as Ye Shiqi, Xiang Liu would have felt it. The Lovers' Bugs turning into Heartbreak Bugs would kill them both.

The second incident is in Season 2, episode 6. In the book, Xiang Liu is questioning Xiao Yao while using his abilities on her. Bear in mind that they have the bugs inside each other. Xiao Yao sent a very special crystal ball to Xiang Liu, before Fangfang Bei barged into the wedding to take her away from ChiShui Fenglong. Chapter 31 describes the efforts and time Xiao Yao spent, to gather rare materials around the world for this crystal ball that was completed 4 years ago and buried, then retrieved and was sent to Xiang Liu because Xiao Yao considered it necessary at last. The drama attempts to compensate for being unable to cover the importance of these details such as the very rare ice worm thousands of years old, by having 2 warrior specialists of different elements help Xiao Yao to finish this ball. The efforts spent by Xiang Liu to gather rare materials to have the most exquisite deadly bow was reciprocated by Xiao Yao, in this ball. You have to read this chapter, to understand what the drama could not include. Xiao Yao has never done this for anybody else. Xiang Liu, upon seeing the rare materials used for this ball and the mermaid symbolism just before her wedding to ChiShui Fenglong, understood the amount of time needed to have created this and what she is requesting.

Hence Xiang Liu has an accurate gauge and context to measure Xiao Yao's answers. In the drama episode, when Xiao Yao is asked whether whether she wants to marry Tushan Jing: She does not answer. When asked if she wants to marry Ye Shiqi, she says yes. Xiang Liu could have given up asking at that point. He does not. Why? Because the Lovers' Bugs are not giving him pain. This means Xiao Yao is giving answers that do not trigger love, hence telling Xiang Liu that he is not asking the right questions. If Xiao Yao can say yes to marrying Ye Shiqi yet not be in love with Ye Shiqi, it means marriage to Xiao Yao is not what she defines as a criteria for love. Xiang Liu knows Xiao Yao was willing to marry Chishui Fenglong without loving him. We know marriage is not used as a definition of love by Xiao Yao.

On top of that, her answers are telling Xiang Liu that Xiao Yao can differentiate between the importance of Ye Shiqi and Tushan Jing to Xiao Yao, as Xiao Yao and as Wen Xiaoliu. Knowing all this would make anyone emotional, especially a demon who thinks he will never be loved. And that is where Tan Jianci acts it out rather wonderfully: When Xiang Liu asks who she wants to spend the rest of her life with. He does not make a differentiation in this question. He simply asks her who she wants to spend the rest of her life with. What Xiang Liu wants to know is who Wen Xiaoliu and Xiao Yao, as an entire person and wholeheartedly, wants as a life companion and soulmate.

This is when Xiao Yao gets a headache. Her reactions, in what she does not say and how the bugs inside their hearts react, is the answer. The fact that she refuses to answer is because she does not want to answer and cannot answer. It would require her to look clearly at what her heart knows, and acknowledge it. You cannot answer, when you don't have an answer. As someone with severe abandonment issues from all the traumas she went through, her conscious desire to choose Tushan Jing is understandable. Xiao Yao should not be faulted for wanting this. Tushan Jing is also understandable as a character.

However, unlike Tushan Jing giving conditions to Xiao Yao such as the 15-year request, Xiang Liu has never put any conditions on Xiao Yao to stay with him or be his friend. He did not know what she really looked like or that she was Xiao Yao when they met, yet he was willing to put a bug inside his heart for the nobody Wen Xiaoliu, despite knowing the risks. In terms of love, his decisions consistently portray the extent of his love, whereby ultimate possession of Xiao Yao is what he consistently chooses to reject.

Cang Xuan and Tushan Jing want Xiao Yao, but they do not put first and foremost what would make her happy and safe and strong. They don't have to sacrifice their lives for this, but it is not flattering for them that the one person who has the least access to Xiao Yao behaves most like her mentor and best cheerleader. Xiang Liu wants her to be strong, because he recognises where she is weak. She is determined, but she is weak where she needs to be strong as a princess in her position. And it is because of his desire to strengthen her as a person, that Xiao Yao can also help Cang Xuan.

Seriously, look at what Cang Xuan and Tushan Jing have encouraged in Xiao Yao. Do they actually help her deal with any of her issues? Do they see her clearly enough for who she is in the present, other than what they remember of her or think she should be? Tushan Jing and Cang Xuan saw her reaction to Consort Jing (Season 1, episode 15), and the way she completely regressed when bawling about her mother. Xiang Liu did not even have that insight, but what did he do for her?

Xiao Yao is subconsciously touched by all this. Her heart has chosen. But she wants to use her mind to decide her future, and she has a very stubborn strong mind. Xiang Liu knows Xiao Yao loves him and not Tushan Jing, so he has to keep pushing her towards Tushan Jing because there is no future for Xiang Liu with her, and Xiang Liu knows all this. Xiao Yao's refusal to confess what Xiang Liu knows to Xiang Liu is a rejection of him. Xiang Liu knows his cause is ultimately a lost cause, but he prolongs it as much as possible. He also knows how to appreciate what enjoyments he can find along the way. In his darkest personal moments- The novel and dramas do not show this. But in the drama, Xiao Yao's "father" once said (after Ah Nian throws a tantrum and storms out saying she does not want a sister, when told Xiao Yao is Xiaoliu ) that given what happens in a country every day, if he lost his appetite he would have starved to death long ago. Xiang Liu is most likely as practical as this emperor, or he would lost his troops long ago. And if Xiang Liu didn't know the honouring of his promise to a certain general was a lost cause, why would he ask Cang Xuan for part of a certain mountain in exchange for reviving Xiao Yao?

In the drama of Season 2 episode 6, Xiao Yao is crying over the death of Fangfang Bei while clutching the bow. That bow required Xiang Liu's blood to recognise an owner. It would have been interesting, because Xiang Liu most likely would have felt her pain (loving Fangfang Bei is an indirect diluted love confession for part of Xiang Liu, not all of Xiang Liu). Losing Fangfang Bei teaches Xiao Yao a very important lesson. In the novel (not yet happened in the drama), when Xiang Liu has saved Xiao Yao from being sucked into a whirlpool and is badly wounded and wants to leave, Xiao Yao refuses to let him leave. She is afraid he will die. She uses her entire body to try to catch and keep him. She is willing to let him drain her blood dry and risk death, as long as she can ensure he will not die and leave her.

Unlike her unconscious breakdown of clawing for Consort Jing when mistaking the lady for her deceased mother, in this case Xiao Yao is finally consciously choosing to sacrifice whatever it takes to keep him and not lose him, when she thinks he might die. Decorum and propriety is tossed out, without a thought. Read the novel on this chapter (preferably in mandarin), so you can catch all the nuances of this scenario.

There are multiple instances in the novel where Xiao Yao has expressed an idea that she wants to stay like this or live like this forever, when with Xiang Liu. She even managed to sleep well in his presence, where she previously had sleeplessness for many nights. In the novel, Ah Bi is the winged fox-demon who acknowledges Xiang Liu's heart is so clear that he cannot be swayed by money, glory or power. We know from that, about Xiang Liu's love for Xiao Yao being noble and pure. Xiao Yao buries everything psychologically as demonstrated for most of the books, but when she hears of Xiang Liu's death, her reaction is no longer buried. She pushes out to create her reality. She wants to live on an island in the sea. Even at the end of the novel, she wants to continue living in a world she knows with Xiang Liu, even if she can no longer share it with Xiang Liu because he is dead. Tushan Jing has given up everything to become Ye Shiqi in status and future, so Xiao Yao will share that world with him. It would be interesting to know at this point to what extent is Xiao Yao with Tushan Jing as Tushan Jing, and to what extent as Wen Xiaoliu wanting to keep Tushan Jing as Ye Shiqi.

I do not see Xiao Yao as selfish. Xiao Yao was deprived for so many years of proper guidance from a mother or mature female. She didn't even know if she was pretty or ugly. She had to fumble and grow. At the end of the books, she is finally becoming emotionally mature and stable. Xiang Liu's death forced her to start doing so and look at herself, instead of always looking to someone else. And in doing so, she finally acknowledges the importance of what Xiang Liu shared with her. Tushan Jing also acknowledged Xiang Liu's importance, when he told Xiao Yao he was not a jealous husband and Xiang Liu has saved her many times.

The most important detail is Xiao Yao choosing consciously to live in the world she knows with Xiang Liu. Where she once consciously chose to verbally reject everything of Xiang Liu (wanting Fangfang Bei is also an indirect rejection of Xiang Liu) despite emotionally wanting him and spending the most time devoted to Xiang Liu, she has chosen to embrace their past for the present and immerse herself in that world she knows with Xiang Liu, so she does not lose what is left of their shared history. Sharing is a generous act. She is sharing her past with her present, wanting to live with both. This gives hope that she can heal further from her abandonment issues and consciously choose to finally give real love to Tushan Jing. Wait, it does not make sense, right?

For almost the entire novel. Xiao Yao is not emotionally healthy, and faulting her for being weak is to miss the fact that she is admirable for wanting to soldier on, to do the best that she knows despite how emotionally crippled she was. Being in survival mode while lacking necessary advisors for many years will do that to you. Her emotional health and growth was stunted for many years, which makes Xiao Yao weak in some aspects but not a weak person. Yang Zi gave a spot-on performance in Season 1 episode 15, whereby her entire breakdown tells us how deeply-buried her fears and pain are. Everything she went through with the demon fox and the loss of her mother also colours many of her choices. (Frankly, I could not stand Yang Zi in "Ashes of Love" because her acting seemed like only 2 expressions to me. Yang Zi's acting in this drama has been laudable, and her acting chops at this level was necessary to create the chemistry between the 3 males, or she would be overshadowed by Tan Jianci and Zhang Wan Yi.)

The emotional coffin she buried herself in is significantly fractured, by the time we get to chapter 49. And in chapter 50, after being forced to face Xiang Liu's death, Xiao Yao is more verbally honest with Tushan Jing about herself. Tushan Jing has all the time in the world of what is left of his lifespan, to enable Xiao Yao to truly fall in love with him. Time will not close the hole in Xiao Yao's heart for Xiang Liu, but time can help Xiao Yao improve on her choice of being consciously honest with herself and trying to show that in words and actions, and hence become emotionally coherent. She buried herself emotionally, she has been breaking the confines of that coffin akin to a crystal ball's limitations, and she is finally consciously pushing her way out of her emotional coffin to embrace life for what it is. Xiang Liu's death has taught her several lessons, about being honest with oneself and embracing reality here and now, instead of running or avoiding. I am not a Tushan Jing fan nor am I a Cang Xuan fan, but I want Tushan Jing to help Xiao Yao be happy. That would also be fulfilling Xiang Liu's wish of countless sacrifices.

"Lost You Forever" can be interpreted in multiple ways. It is about Cang Xuan losing Xiao Yao, Xiao Yao losing her mother and Xiang Liu, Xiao Yao losing the fractured girl that she was to reconcile Xiao Yao and Wen Xiaoliu inside as a person to grow, and also Tushan Jing losing Wen Xiaoliu and Xiao Yao to Xiang Liu after Xiang Liu's death because part of her will always be only for Xiang Liu and no one else. Xiang Liu does not lose anything in death, because he has ensured he lives on in the hearts of those who want to be with Xiao Yao. Tushan Jing is magnanimous enough not to be an ass about Xiang Liu after he dies, giving Xiang Liu due credit. Xiang Liu did not evaluate Tushan Jing wrongly.

Life is not a drama series we can watch about multiple situations in advance about multiple people, and then decide what to do. The main characters could only use what they knew to decide, there and then. And if there's one lesson this drama teaches, it is the importance of not faulting people for certain choices because all of us have burdens. Filial piety and other values play a very strong role, in how Tushan Jing had to make choices about his clan while loving Xiao Yao. This novel is not set in a modern Western society, where individualism can easily be a main priority for someone. People of his positions usually are expected to prioritise the clan. The opinion weight of elders will also be important to respect. He carries the history and heritage of a prestigious clan on his shoulders, and he had better not fuck up. If the elders of the clan are opposed to your choices until you can get them on your side (if ever), good luck with any promises you made.

There is important context which cannot be missed, when people claim Xiang Liu was abusive and hence is unfit for Xiao Yao. Xiang Liu is a general, whose men undergo life-or-death situations every day. Wen Xiaoliu as a man and stranger poisoned his unique steed which is immune to most poisons, told lies, demonstrated rebellion = Wen Xiaoliu should have been executed by Xiang Liu. Instead, Xiang Liu oddly spares Wen Xiaoliu. Xiang Liu changes along the way, after spending more time with Wen Xiaoliu. It's nice to imagine that Xiang Liu should have been nice to Wen Xiaoliu right from the start. That is also unrealistic, because Xiang Liu does not know who Wen Xiaoliu is. And Xiang Liu needs time to carefully vet Wen Xiaoliu. On top of that, Xiang Liu will not magically turn into a saint who chivalrously entertains a suspicious stranger in a respectful modern context, also because he has rough edges from a very hard life.

When encountering a stranger who can poison a unique steed and also have illusion magic that I cannot penetrate to see the real person, when I myself am considered very strong (see what he used when handling Fu Sang wood, to make the laughing doll in chapter 51)? I would definitely take as much time as I need to decide, before I decide whether to trust this person on anything, such as their judgment. Especially as a leader, a smart and highly-respected leader. I might fall in love, but it does not mean I am going to let my guard down and become stupid. Xiang Liu's reputation and longevity garnering respect and fear from his biggest foes is due to his choices and achievements which creates the gossip, not the other way around.

If Cang Xuan ordering his men to break Wen Xiaoliu's leg and getting an interrogator to ensure Wen Xiaoliu talks is understood and acceptable, Xiang Liu's reactions are also understood and acceptable.

By the way, if you work in a position where you are responsible for a whole company, a platoon or at least a division of more than 10 people, at least 99% of the time you never make decisions solely for yourself, if you are a good leader. You always bear that responsibility of considering the company/division/the team members. Xiang Liu's traumas and responsibilities are what enabled him to evaluate Xiao Yao from multiple angles, to know what Xiao Yao needs. Needs, not wants. Huge difference.

And Xiang Liu knows he cannot help Xiao Yao in some aspects because he is too aware of what he considers about himself to be lacking, but he reckons someone else who is not him can do so for her future. He saw Xiao Yao for what she is in the present, and he was also considering how to protect her in future. He was evaluating Tushan Jing accordingly and if he had thought Tushan Jing was not suitable for Xiao Yao, what would stop Xiang Liu from killing Tushan Jing earlier? Supplies for his troops? Xiang Liu had decided Tushan Jing's suitability and future by a certain point. I reckon he made that decision, when he realised the magnitude of Tushan Jing's sacrifice to protect Xiao Yao's body, then had a discussion with Cang Xuan before using up one life to revive Xiao Yao.

Xiang Liu is a demon who has never experienced love. But what he has given as love is far more selfless than Tushan Jing and Cang Xuan. Your opinion may vary. But if you want to understand this as best as possible, you'd have to understand mandarin, the cultural mores, and have digested both the books and the drama. Relying on subtitles and translations will only get you so far. That said, Zhang Wan Yi is such an awesome actor as Cang Xuan that where I was "meh" about him in the books, I really felt bad for Cang Xuan in the drama and want him to be with someone who can love Cang Xuan properly. And no, it is not Xiao Yao. She would not be good for Cang Xuan's emotional health. Cang Xuan needs someone very different from Xiao Yao, to heal. Cang Xuan needs someone who can see him for what he is, and inform him, appreciate him and show him how that works, and let him feel as if he can rely on someone emotionally. He would do best with a female version of Xiao Yao's "father". Being brother-zoned was so tragic.

And it is good that Xiao Yao is lost to Cang Xuan, so he can grow and become emotionally healthy. But that's going to take quite some time. All of them need time. So in the end, they each got what they need, to move forward. It's the best ending possible, for each of them.