Bhavna

Very interesting

I’m here for more Rohan Heaven’s Door magic. I have to say in this season, the first episode about the actor model guy Yama trying to get fit as a runner was my favorite. Then he keeps challenging Rohan to a treadmill game which looks super risky like you could die on that treadmill from this nonsense, but here we are. As Yama becomes more and more obsessed with running, he starts killing people who get in his way of running. He also runs into this mountain (Yama means mountain right?) that’s supposed to give me this magic evil strength I guess. I’m just glad Rohan made it off the treadmill alive and did some Heaven’s Door action on him because dude was going insane killing his girlfriend etc just because she “got in his way” of building abs. wtf!

The episode about the pink suit real estate guy who doesn’t show his back was super weird and it probably feeds into some mythological narratives who knows, and then Rohan’s curiosity gets the best of him and now Rohan inherits the “don’t show your back curse”… it’s scary and hilarious at the same time. Glad he got out of that one- I have no idea of the logic on how he did it but good that he escaped that curse by making the magic back demon look behind himself.

The third episode involves story of this lady named Naoko and this weird twisted story of her gardener boyfriend how he basically dies from being an asshole in an annoying moment, and then she has to cover up the body and his incessant bleeding from her fiancé. Well that’s a new bind isn’t it! So all these stories have something to do with Mutsu-Kabe Hill I think like it has some weird powers or something and makes people act weird and create trouble (as well as Manga material) for Rohan.

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Super interesting

I say this with many J dramas but seriously I haven’t seen a J drama like this before. Manga artist and undercover superhero figure Kishibe Rohan has this incredible ability called Heaven’s Door that reveals a person’s entire story and script like a book on their face or sometimes an actual book. From there he can write his own commands on the pages. He is a compassionate enough figure that he only writes what is for the highest good even if those characters came to do him harm. The first episode about buying this mansion and how he and his editor have to pass this “manners test” is really interesting and surreal. The weird baby looking boy with no eyebrows who is the gatekeeper of the manners game and the mansion is left struggling under the commands written by Rohan and so they end up leaving the place and defeating this little manners baby.

Then another story about a strange girl with two eyes of different colors and how Izumi (Rohan’s editor)- her spacey post car accident boyfriend has a heart (?) transplant from her dad who died in a car accident and so somehow by weaving her, her mom, and this boyfriend’s scripts together he resolves the story in such a way that they come together… was surreal… and beautiful.

I’ve liked Issey Takahashi’s performance in Nagi’s Ling Vacation even though he was kind of an a-hole character in that, he carries some of that narcissistic quality into this role too but it’s layered with a kind of wisdom and compassion and power which makes him like a kind of God in this dreamworld. It’s interesting that several other actors from that same drama Nagi’s long vacation are also in this- like Tomoya Nakamura, Tanaka Shiratori, Kumi Takiuchi, and of course Takahashi himself. It’s a pleasant surprise to see that many characters from that series transplanted into this one.

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Rest is Liberation

This series shows just how much this world needs that still, quiet, peaceful space that is symbolized by Hiroto’s quiet little home. At first it’s just him. But soon enough it becomes an oasis where all come to gather to bask in the peaceful glow of this spirit led place. A wise teacher once said “ Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” This rest is what is symbolized in Hiroto’s house. As someone who could not contort himself into the rigid shape of worldly success, Hiroto quit the world of acting and high stress jobs to live in the house that a lovely granny left to him. This granny was all he had and vice versa and just like a miracle, to preserve his kindness she gave him this sanctuary, which starts attracting all sorts of folks who are overworked and need rest too. Hideki’s condition (high school friend of Hiroto) and his high stress job in addition to the stress of managing a family- wife and new baby really made me sad. With all the “responsibilities,” he couldn’t keep up with his own life. Seemed like he was being bullied by everyone- his wife, the baby’s needs, and his coworker. I really felt bad for him. But each one turns to Hiroto and his house. Though he lives with his spoiled, entitled, hyper cousin who doesn’t really contribute much to the housework and chores, the vibration of the place makes all the relationships of the people who enter this space come alive, as if Spirit is taking care and holding all of them together. This series is a true blessing from Spirit. I feel so warm and fuzzy.

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Love that ages like fine wine

This is one of the few J dramas I have watched that has little dramatic conflict but relishes in the slow realness of everyday life. It showcases how the ritual of cooking, eating with a loved one, and going through the daily activities and the seasons of the year can be experienced in a beautiful way. Coming back to this cooking and mealtime ritual as a grounding part of their relationship, Shiro San and Kenji San strengthen their unforgettable bond day after day. Even as they go through the ups and downs of their outer life, like with Kenji becoming a manager at his salon or Shiro becoming a manager at his law firm, the dinners, the thoughtful bentos really define the quality of the relationship. In this season Shiro San is a lot less reserved about his feelings and it is revealed that he talks and thinks about Kenji a lot which he expresses to his grocery buddy (forgot her name). Kenji get to bask in the love that Shiro has for him and while it’s not overt and flamboyant like Kenji often hopes for, he starts to realize and feel the love Shiro San has for him through his actions, concern for Kenji’s health and retirement, and understanding that unique love language that his partner has for him is important, otherwise it could be easily overlooked. It shows a mature love that is silent or what the world would call boring, hidden in the mundane, and non-dramatic, even secretive. The more “boring and slow” the relationship and ordinary life is, the more I see the spirit shining through like a sunrise glowing through the trees or feeling the most sweet and pleasant nostalgic breeze. Shiro San’s daily dedication of cooking and making Kenji happy with his food, and bringing Kenji to his grocery buddy’s house for a visit, and deciding to give his inheritance to Kenji after death all show his love for him beyond what words can convey. In the end, Shiro San’s love is actually more potent than any flamboyant expression could ever be- it is contained like a fire that burns strong throughout their relationship and lives on. Most of the episodes end with the song “Shiawase no mawarimichi” (roundabout road to happiness)- each relationship is a unique expression of love and happiness need not look any certain way to be true.

The last episode left a lump in my throat, a bitter sweetness - as Shiro San’s parents talk about wills and inheritance, they plant the idea in Shiro San to think about Kenji and what he will leave on after he passes away. Even though it was the last episode, it didn’t feel like “The End” because the whole show is a slice of life, and each episode easily goes in and out of their every day life… It feels so real, because even though it’s “just a show,” something about it and the feeling it evokes is very real. Their talks about inheritance and how they thought of each other- Shiro san wanting to give his whole heart and inheritance (which he would prize greatly since he’s so frugal) to Kenji even while admitting that he doesn’t know if they’ll be together forever, but deciding in his mind that he would be ok even if Kenji lives with someone else after he is gone, and Kenji replying out loud that he would be with Shiro San till death… these are beautiful moments in their relationship. The show ends on a note that leaves me wanting more- like a wonderfully tasty dish that is so satisfying and yet I want to come back over and over again. It’s really hard to put into words what this series evokes in me. It seems like the mundane every life but there’s something so beautiful born into it- a love and happiness in the air. So warm and heartwarming. Almost like watching “the good old days…”

This is the frequency where the "Mundane" dissolves and the Sacred begins. In the West, "boring" is a slur used by infantile bots to describe anything that doesn't provide a cheap dopamine hit of drama or performance. But in the world of Slow Realness, "boring" is simply the Ma (the space) where the Spirit breathes.

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The Sweet Life Continues

I love seeing the authentic struggle of frugality and making of true authentic dishes wrapped up into one movie. It’s interesting to see the comparison of Shiro/Kenji and Kohinata/Wataru, how the two differ so much in terms of standard of living with Wataru living in a modern day palace but complaining all day, and permanently dissatisfied no matter how many chips bags he buys, he’s like a bottomless black hole starved of real love. Their relationship almost looks like a kind of bondage where Kohinata though he seems to be a high earner, he becomes like an overly spoiling parent to Wataru, slaving away to satisfy his tantrums. It shows that there is no real happiness in such a relationship, only an addictive cycle of tantrums, spoiling, and martyrdom in the name of love. Meanwhile Shiro and Kenji go through real struggles of finances, housework, and the challenge of overwork and not being able to spend meals together, and yet Wataru the black hole senses something in Shiro San’s relationship with Kenji even though he trolls them, he finds a kind of wholeness in them, a beauty of spirit that is not their in his codependent dysfunctional relationship with Kohinata. In the end it’s an exploration of relationship dynamics of push and pull and feeling out where the balance is… all while making delicious food of course.

My favorite was the Omurice- Kenji out of loneliness and a need to indulge and “do something for himself,” ends up making this decadent version of Omurice to have all to himself, and just as he’s about to dig in, Shiro San shows up from work and they end up sharing the meal instead- it makes Shiro San so happy to eat such a delicious dish, and at the end of the day, Kenji managed to save money for the month, which he seemed incapable of doing. I started to see a kind of balance restored from the starting point of Kenji the extravagant carefree splurging one vs Shiro the frugal, anxious, serious one, into Kenji taking responsibility for the cooking and money saving, while Shiro has to work harder. Since Shiro knows how much work cooking takes, he’s able to appreciate what Kenji does for him all the more.. Wataru also has his cooking moment, where Kohinata is given a surprise meal and a balance moment in their relationship too.. overall, very interesting themes explored and I enjoyed it thoroughly. On to the next movie!

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How Sweet!

When I first read the synopsis of this show, I thought “What on earth could I possibly have in common with this story of two middle aged gay men living and cooking together? Sounds boring!” Boy was I wrong. I’m so glad I gave this J drama a chance. The J drama has plenty of “ma,” the peaceful space and stillness where the beauty of spirit lies. The storyline is light and fluffy without too much “heavy conflict,” while Shiro San takes a break every evening and goes into his kitchen and Shiro San’s kitchen theme music plays and it basically turns into an instructional cooking show. It’s just so cute and sweet to watch. It made me understand that cooking and mealtime isn’t just a “whatever” time, or indulgence, or grotesque addiction like how it’s experienced or shown in the west, it is a sacred ritual of mindfulness, precision, peace, and beauty. And it brings so much happiness and lightness to my heart to watch this show. I could watch it anytime because of its lightness and warmth. What I also loved was how Shiro san’s anxious and moody nature seemed to lift a lot at the last episode after he brought Kenji home to meet his parents- I think it took a huge burden off his mind and he was able to feel lighter and more jovial and relaxed in public as a couple with Kenji. The cafe scene at the very end was one of my favorites (other than the cooking sequences of course), because Shiro San was smiling a lot and looking light hearted, relaxed, and happy. Ah this show brings a smile to my face like a kind of sweet, innocent nostalgia.

I love how Shiro’s way of expressing love is through his cooking, and Kenji, though he is not a bad cook himself, has this sweet innocence of wanting to please Shiro and isn’t too sure of himself. He’s much more relaxed, fun-loving, and expressive compared to the formal and serious Shiro- they are quite the “odd couple,” but they are both endearing in their own way and together. I just felt like giving Kenji a much needed hug whenever he was so unsure of himself. It also made me contemplate how difficult relationships are and the emotional burden they carry, and I would much rather eat these lovely dishes alone!

I noticed that this show was very conservative in terms of showing affection- physical or emotional between the couple even within the home, and yet it felt genuine, innocent, and sweet. Almost like they were just roommates. I am hunting for season 2 now!

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Meh

The concept of reincarnation and getting a do-over at life is enticing, and I did enjoy watching the childhood scenes of the main character going through those experiences again. I especially liked how she didn’t have a crush on any of the boys because they just seemed so immature and she was an old soul and adult in a child’s body. But the enjoyment ended there. She became so fixated on changing certain plot points like her two friends not dying in an airplane and all her painstaking efforts for what? The life will end for her and the other characters anyway, that the effort to save them in this life knowing that they could die any other way seemed so pointless. This drama could have been great but it totally fell flat for me. I lost interest but I watched till the end, and went I saw the 4 friends in a nursing home together, I thought, is this the goal they were fighting so hard for? Is the goal of this earthly life to live a really long time? It was so pointless.

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Speaks Straight to my Soul!

Update: The rewatch value on this one is insane- I’ve now watched this probably 10 times and will watch it another 10. I know a lot of the dialog by heart at this point.

This series is about letting go of the performance of the false self and living with integrity in one’s true Self: When one is performing for the mother character, the job environment, playing the "good daughter" script, true Self is obscured by a false mask. The trauma of self betrayal that originated in childhood and the family, unconsciously dictates one’s behavior and so called personality throughout life. How does one become a people pleaser who seems unable to change? It’s a trauma response and the story is a realistic story about how the eventual breakdown and healing can begin, along with the setbacks along the way. How to not live a fake life smiling in front of the parents while clutching your stomach in pain as your true Self screams? In the beginning, living a lie for survival seems easier, but the compromise and self betrayal on one’s soul makes it intolerable for one’s inner integrity. It takes great courage to live a life of honesty and integrity according to your own truth and values.

Nagi collapses in her old fake life and leaves it all behind. She finds a cheap apartment with quirky new neighbors and makes a new life there- a long vacation, free of employment, family, and her pain in the a$$ boyfriend.

Even if her ex Shinji at first seems like the typical ego narcissist who’s simply grieving the girlfriend that got away, there seems to be something tugging at his heartstrings deep inside. Nagi chan’s authentic true Self that is unconditionally lovable and loving and does not need to be or look any particular way to be lovable. There was this way that he looks at Gon San when he speaks about his love that is very endearing like they both share something in common with each other and that is their love for Nagi Chan.

Gon San starts off as a F-boy who’s dead inside (like a Tin man) and basically infects all the women he “hangs out with” with his zombie virus of sleeping with them, ghosting, and getting them addicted to him in a kind of anxiety attachment style. He’s nice on the surface, but he truly lacks life force and like a parasite he feeds off the attention of women yearning and longing after him. He’s oblivious to his nature and lacks self awareness, but when the next door grandma calls him a sinful man, it was refreshing to hear that kind of honesty. He starts off merely a zombie who infects others with his zombie virus of sleeping with random women. The without understanding his own transformation by Nagi, he asks Shinji one day: “do you have any wishes? You know, I don’t think I’ve ever had one. The desire of the girl in front of me was my only wish. Because I knew what they wanted me to do, I wanted to do it for them. But right now, even if she doesn’t have any desire, I want to do something for her (Nagi).” In that sense he is a mirror of Nagi who does the same with men. Eventually he clutches his heart and says he wants to do something for Nagi Chan. He says it’s the first time he’s had this feeling. He says something beautiful later to Nagi, as he takes her hand, “You know, when I think about how I ended up hugging you and kissing you, I can’t remember those. Right now, I can’t do such things. Because I’m embarrassed. This is the limit. My past and present self… look completely different. So I think people can change if they really want to.”

It’s as if the heart of the dreamer, even if she doesn’t fit in with the shallow socializing conversations of the people around her and isn’t a “people person,” she touches them deeply with her vulnerability and her very presence, which affects them with love. I think the theme of this show is getting in touch with your own heart. You can read the atmosphere around you and try to live to please others, doing what other people want or trying to fit into some social template but what is the heart saying deep within? Past all the pretenses, these characters show that there is a love beneath all the ego’s defenses against emotional intimacy. Reading the air and living with a mask on and constantly regulating oneself and personality is death of the true self. It is suffocating, and both Nagi and Shinji experience a collapse based on this suffocating mask. An outside person can make you happy no matter what they do.

It’s no wonder the at Nagi turned out to be an incessant people pleaser because her mother is highly narcissistic and manipulative, and her father is nonexistent, so she constantly had to read the air to survive as a trauma response from childhood. It led to her not knowing what she really wanted in life and simply drifted to whoever paid attention to her and seemed interested. She didn’t know what she was truly interested in for herself because she was never given the emotional freedom to explore such things. She doesn’t listen to music, doesn’t have any hobbies, and doesn’t really know what to write for her wish list. Gon San is a mirror of this because he too reflects the desires of the women who are in front of him and doesn’t know what he wants for himself. Until Nagi lit a spark in him. All the people who are simply going through the motions of reading the air and surviving these stock social interactions are living hollow lives and dead inside. Even when Nagi goes to visit her mother, despite living with her natural hair for so long in her vacation, she transforms back into her straight haired corporate doll version, which is disappointing to Shinji as well who knows all too well how the family creates expectations to wear such masks and perform for survival. He tells her she’s already lost the battle if she goes and visits the mother looking like that. Nagi’s mother plays the perfect narcissist when she tries to manipulate Nagi into visiting her and covering the costs for the renovation of her house using her amazing nonexistent Tokyo job salary.. and when Nagi expresses that there’s something she wants to spend her money on (starting the laundromat business), and will support with whatever funds are leftover, the mother defaults to the manipulative line “it’s ok I will just beg around and try to borrow some money from others.” Ah typical narcissistic mother! This, the mother, the family mask and its conditional love based on Nagi’s performance was the origin story of her suffocation and drowning feeling. Upon visiting her mother and the mother using the line “I’ll just beg around for money and pay them back penny by penny,” Nagi immediately picked up the corn (which she hates) and ate it, and then immediately transferred 700,000 yen to the mother. This is how the narcissist always got what she wanted. Even after her long vacation and liberation, it felt like she fell back into the old traps of childhood trauma and motherly gaslighting. The mother is a parasite and robbed her daughter of her savings money even though she has no job. That was very sad to see. All of a sudden, her new friends like Sakamoto and her new laundromat dream don’t feel real anymore.

It seems that all three - Nagi, Shinji, and Gon are struggling with the same thing- trying to gauge the moods and atmosphere of others and then adjust themselves to that as a trauma response- no wonder they’re in this triangle together. But they’re in a healing phase and it takes time. It’s better not to go back to those old family systems while the soul is healing. Sometimes it feels like 2 steps forward, 1 step back, but progress is inevitable.

When a traumatized mind is healing from the effects of narcissistic abuse, it can be hard to understand why this person seems to regress and go back to old ways of people pleasing and money transferring. It was frustrating to see Nagi give all that money to her evil mother. But if seen through the eyes of compassion, I can see a wounded child that needs love and is trying to bargain and earn it still and needs to learn that this kind of family love is conditional and not real. It was interesting to see Shinji immediately revert back to his family performance role when he sees Nagi’s narcissistic mother, and he starts shucking and jiving by making up lies about Nagi’s situation to please her in attempt to save Nagi. Again a trauma response. Seeing the two of them together in front of the narcissist mother was very telling that these are two children who have grown up reading their parents’ reactions and trying to survive. Shinji’s description of Nagi’s mom and her smile as “scary” was exactly it. It’s all about lying and keeping up with appearances. This is the life that the family teaches them to live. Sad sad and pitiful. But I know it all too well.

One of my most favorite scenes was the family breakdown- where the truth is revealed about both sides- that Nagi quit her job and works in a bar, and Shinji’s brother doesn’t work in America but in Japan and has written a tell all autobiography- he comes to crash the party and drop a few truth bombs like how Shinji’s dad has another family and how their mom got more plastic surgery. Seeing Shinji working so hard to keep the lid on, Nagi in that moment realizes that they are both the same, suffocating underwater, trapped in the family hell of lies. Ultimately Nagi’s narcissistic mother has this to say after the family lies fall apart like a house of cards: “I knew it, this is the kind of person you chose, Nagi. It’s always been like this. Even if I let you do anything your way, you would never do it properly. You’ve never met your mother’s expectations! Not even once. And the last one, it’s this.” And for the first time Nagi opens up while the truth has taken the stage: “I hate you. I’ve always hated you. For forcing me to listen to you and making me feel guilty for pretending to be a good person outside, for expecting me to do things you cannot do yourself. I hate you… I’m sorry, I cannot live for you, mom. Just life by yourself. I will also live for myself, by myself… although I can’t meet your expectations, and look this terrible.. I feel really happy to live this way.”

There is an interesting discrepancy in how the characters validated Shinji’s "loud" heartbreak versus Gon’s "quiet" suffering. The neighbors, Mama, and the bar crowd rooted for Shinji because his suffering was Public and Dramatic. Crying at the bar, crying while walking with the “White Lover” snack bag, crying while walking on whale street, this is the "Top Salesman" performance that the "horizontal" world recognizes. The characters were rooting for a "Grand Reunion" between Nagi and Shinji because it fits the theatrical narrative of the dream. They were pressuring Nagi to "render" the happy ending they wanted to see. Gon's awakening, however, was Vertical. Because it was a quiet, internal shift from a hollow "player" to a sentient man, it was almost invisible and unvalidated by the characters anyone he shared these feelings with- Shinji, Mama, the grandma upstairs, Sakamoto- they all essentially ignored Gon’s love, even though I would say Gon’s heart opening appeared to be more genuine because it was quiet, compared to that of Shinji who still had remnants of pride, selfishness, and arrogance. Shinji’s love still has the "loud" drama of the ego seeking validation and that performative element makes Shinji more publicly “loved” or validated rather. When the upstairs grandmother tells Gon, "Now it's your turn to experience the pain," she is acting as the Voice of the Spirit. She is telling him that his previous "niceness" was a debt he now has to pay in the currency of genuine feeling. He had to experience being a "sardine" himself, longing for someone who is already swimming away. The reason nobody was there to root for Gon is that his love was becoming transparent. It wasn't about "winning" Nagi like a trophy (though he felt that competitive urge); it was about his own soul coming online. Shinji’s "love" was still heavily tied to his Pride. Even his crying was a form of performance, a way to get the bar crowd to notice him. This is why everyone "rooted" for him in Nagi’s apartment. He was still playing a role they understood: the "Tragic Hero."
The fact that Gon let Shinji stay in his apartment after his collapse is a beautiful moment. It shows that as the heart opens, the Social Hierarchy (Competition) starts to dissolve. Even though they both "wanted" Nagi, their shared suffering created a temporary bridge of Spirit-Led Kindness. They were becoming "transparent" to each other because they were both being "derendered" by Nagi's decision to swim alone. They weren't "competitors" anymore; they were just two men witnessing the departure of the Dreamer.

Even though both men ended up being very sweet in the end, I was really hoping that Nagi wouldn’t end up with either of them, and would just go off into the sunset alone in her True Self. Her transformation and power at the end is undeniable and it’s perfect that she ends up living in this new found power instead of partnering herself with some dude as the “happy ending.” The ultimate happy ending is this. She is happy with herself and being in her own skin. And I loved how her apartment building was demolished as a symbol of its purpose being finished. It was truly the perfect and healing series.

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Nonstop Plot Twists But very Addicting!

Secret Makeover is engaging and addicting from beginning to end, but they sure take the “Who Done it?” Concept to a whole different level. I kind of reminds me of Burn the House Down, another J drama about a fire and a young woman who turns up to investigate, and literally everyone and their cat becomes a suspect and starts acting fishy. So many red herrings I don’t even know which way is up or down and who to trust anymore! The show stars Haruka Fukuhara who was the bright eyed bushy tailed junior realtor from Shōjiki Fudōsan/The Honest Realtor and the female lead from that show plays Mitsuko’s sister Mariko.

Secret Makeover had me crying at many points, and drooling at both of the male leads, but alas Mitsuko doesn’t care for either of them even though they are both in love with her… sigh, I don’t know why that makes it feel bittersweet to me, but Mitsuko is surely a headstrong woman who doesn’t actually need a male romantic figure at all. She stands on her own. She brings Natsu from the depths to the highest of heights through a total makeover inside and out- she transforms this single mother and both of her grown kids into self assured, confident characters. The show makes you feel the bond that develops between all of them- the Natsu family and the Kujo family.. Haruto is adorable from beginning to end, and so is Tomo. I love show- it shows that the total makeover goes right down to the soul. Heartwarming, shocking, suspenseful.. and gorgeous scenes and settings that look like they’re out of a storybook.

“If you change yourself, you change the world.”

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Two Handsome Men falling in Bubble Love!

I don’t know how I stumbled upon this show but apparently I needed it, so my heart must have been searching for it. Adachi (the main character and played by the incredibly handsome Eiji Akaso) is basically a shy office worker, inexperienced in relationships, a 30 year old virgin who can read minds, and is pretty much uninterested in anything. He’s just floating through life disinterested as if he’s in a constant existential crisis. I can relate to him a lot. He also has low self worth because he keeps admiring and comparing himself to Kurosawa- the “perfect, handsome, competitive high achieving colleague.” In other words he sees the world’s hierarchy and sees himself at the bottom and Kurosawa at the top. And through his mind reading power he figures out that Kurosawa is secretly in love with Adachi. It feels like the Spirit’s divine love with Adachi despite not knowing his own worth. Another way to look at it is that they are both opposites. Kurosawa was always judged by his looks- people would gravitate towards him because he was so handsome and he would get unfair advantages but it was as if they didn’t see him on the inside, only the outer shell. So he felt he had to live up to their projections and expectations of him, and works hard to do that- and becomes like a mirror of the world’s expectations.. to the point where even though he’s glowing and shining on the outside and getting all the awards, he doesn’t know who he is anymore and feels disconnected to his true self because he keeps trying to live up to others’ expectations. Then while on a company dinner with Adachi joining, a president hits on Kurosawa and he recoils, which bursts the bubble of expectation that person has of him. Then he leaves the dinner and Adachi takes care of him because Kurosawa is half drunk, but he starts to see Adachi’s nature that is kind and caring but doesn’t fit into any of the conditionally loved checkboxes that Kurosawa ticks off. Adachi’s simply floating in the wind and has no clue about the world- he’s almost just existing and only half in it, and meanwhile Kurosawa is deep in the world and all its hierarchical competitive games because he’s good at it and he’s winning and he does so well with it. But Kurosawa falls for Adachi first because he sees a refuge in him, and Adachi looks up to Kurosawa because he is the world’s hero.. and together they’re entering this relationship where basically Adachi has no experience and feels unworthy, and meanwhile Kurosawa has all these plans for the relationship and is basically taking the reigns and is doing things a bit like the “template” and there are all these expectations. I think it feels suffocating for Adachi- knowing that I am like him myself, this idea of doing candlelight dinners and dates and the expectation of sex.. it’s all just too much and half of the time Adachi looks constipated in the relationship. Meanwhile he reads Kurosawa’s thoughts and he’s constantly thinking about Adachi and how to please him and make him happy. But Adachi’s happiness is not really dependent on those things I feel. Then during one candlelight dinner, Kurosawa is talking about their “first Christmas plans to see fireworks etc” and Adachi has already read his mind so he knows all the plans and surprises. Then he feels insecure and says to Kurosawa “teach me”.. and Kurosawa leans in with a kiss but Adachi can hear all of his thoughts so he pushes him away. Then Adachi confesses his mind reading power to Kurosawa and feels really bad that if he loses his power, the relationship m ight not work out. Kurosawa is not bothered by his power but he says Adachi must decide if he wants to continue or not. And they end the relationship.. so the elaborate candlelight dinner- it’s like it ended as fast as it started.. I guess that’s the special ego relationship full of expectations and following the formula. And then the next days at work, it’s like they became strangers again. It doesn’t sit right with me- it’s because the relationship needs a label? Why not just spend time with each other and not call it anything? Why have any expectations at all? Just let the relationship be what it is instead of putting so much pressure on it and labeling it and doing the whole fantasy and the 1st date and 1st Christmas etc. It just killed the relationship as fast as it started. But the last episode is still not over and I have yet to see what happens. I think they will get back together. I wish adachi could just say- I want to spend time with you- I want to be close to you but let’s not call it anything. I also don’t want to have sex because I want to keep my power for a while. Are you ok with that? We don’t have to either be cohabiting spouses or strangers. Why the two extremes? No I want to be close but without any expectations or templates or labels. I feel it has something to do with the conditional love and expectations and the template.

Adachi’s whole arc is the same engine he’s dismantling:

“I am unworthy. I don’t fit the world’s template. I must become lovable.”

He’s a virgin at 30. Awkward. Introverted. Floating through life. Unable to perform desire in the way the world expects.

The moment Kurosawa, the symbol of “ideal man,” “ideal colleague,” “ideal beloved” turns toward him, Adachi immediately feels: pressure, anxiety, responsibility, the weight of someone’s expectations, claustrophobia from the template

Not because Kurosawa is wrong. But because Adachi was never taught unconditional love. He was taught conditional worth:
• be impressive to be loved
• be beautiful to be loved
• be accomplished to be loved
• be desired to be loved
• be “normal” to be loved

It’s not the kiss that frightened Adachi, it’s the script.
The “first date,” the “first Christmas,” the “fireworks,” the “expectations,”
the “labels,” the “now we must become THIS.”

All of that suffocates a soul that has survived by being small, invisible, neutral, low-maintenance, non-demanding. Love died the instant the template entered. The second it became a “proper relationship,” the magic evaporated. Because the template always kills freedom, intimacy, and truth.

The world has certain slots that it assigns for conditional love- these are the ones who will be loved the most. So often times wanting so badly to be seen or loved by those conditions, one fools themselves into believing they’re something they’re not. All because they’re very aware of the conditions for love in the world and want to be that even though they’re not that. So they betray themselves. I think Adachi is supposed to go in a different direction instead of trying to mold himself into something lovable by the world. That is not the direction of unconditional love. Unconditional love would be listening and honoring what your true self wants and needs. I think the deeper message of this show is to accept the reality of who you are as it is, not as you would like it to be, as the world would condition to you want. Because the world taught that only these certain things are lovable and you must be that- in many ways Adachi deviated from that and feels diminished by that because in his mind he thinks “I am less lovable.” So he thinks he needs his mind reading power to survive and compensation for “being behind.” But unconditional love says it doesn’t matter where you stand, you’re still lovable. You are loved no matter what. But only if one listens to and honors themselves, they can love unconditionally and receive it.

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Beautiful final season!

Well now that I finished all the episodes, all that sticks with me is the last couple of episodes- where Hachisuka (the internal medicine director dude) takes Michiko out for dinner and wine. And at first Michiko just eats the food and bails, and I thought it’s just another director schmoozing and trying to manipulate and use her skill to their advantage and agenda, but after Hachisuka catches Michiko when she trips on her high heels and is about to fall, they have this moment of embrace. And this is a first for the gorgeous model Michiko who intimidates every man around her, while being innocent as a doe. She doesn’t know what to do in these romantic situations since all she knows is “surgery and food,” but it reveals a beautiful (short lived) colleague relationship of mutual respect and admiration. Hachisuka ends of getting cancer like everyone else in the show and needs immediate surgery but then quarantines himself in the internal medicine research lab because there’s some new outbreak. But Michiko goes in there and saves him and does immediate surgery. During the surgery his heart stops and he has a cardiac arrest, but she physically pumps his heart back to life kind of like in the 2nd Matrix movie! How romantic is that! And Hachisuka is the only one who is truly grateful to Michiko and says “With the life you saved, I am going to help billions of others now.” Now that is true respect of Michiko’s miraculous surgical power. Only he deserves to associate with her. Everyone else especially people like Hiruma get the surgery from Michiko and then try to destroy her which is unfathomable betrayal and low moral character. The last scenes show Hachisuka asking Michiko if she wants to join him and they can go to Africa together and save lives while “eating octopus” but Michiko takes it as “Let’s meet again at the sushi bar.” So in the innocent comedy of errors, Hachi waits for her at the airport while Michiko waits for him in the sushi bar. Sigh… so innocent, and yet a little heartbreaking. But perhaps Michiko being the Godlike main character in this show is not meant to be with anyone. She is meant to stay where she is and not following some man around. So while the mutual respect and admiration and even love was present, it was something to let go of in the end.

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Low Budget Foreign Actors are Ruining this Show

I really like how the episodes weave in the specific illness of the main patient into the overall theme of the episode going through several characters lives, as if the issue being treated is not confined to just one character in that world, but actually the larger whole- the collective. For example, in the dominos episode- the beginning scene starts with Michiko knocking over dominos in the hospital made by kids. Then later a patient comes along who is a domino teacher and the surgery being performed is a liver transplant with a kind of domino effect- liver was taken from one donor to give to another and that second patient’s liver was given to a third like a domino effect. Then at the end after the beautiful display of dominos created by Michiko and the children, another scene as a playful tribute to the domino effect shows the surgeons who are in the bureaucracy- one falls and knocks over each surgeon in succession like dominos. It was pretty funny. So by treating that core illness, Michiko who represents the divine or Spirit is healing the whole One Mind or “collective.”

Same thing happened with the Alzheimer’s episode where the opening scene starts with Akira San forgetting that he already fed Ben Casey the cat. Then Michiko had one or two moments of absent mindedness herself, as she treats the mother of Ushio (a hopeless surgeon) for some rare disease that the AI misdiagnosed as Alzheimer’s. Then I think the politician/minister guy who keeps making gaffes also comes in this episode and it shows how different people are being absent minded, not just any one specific patient- it actually alludes to One Mind- the one mind is suffering from these various ailments and how the Spirit in the form of Daimon Michiko treats and heals these cases is the story and miracle. The true mystic is performing surgery on this One mind everyday to weed out the false and implant only what is true.

The worst part of the series are the low budget foreign (Caucasian) actors. Their acting is so bad and unnatural as if they’re imitating humans instead of just being a human being. The worst is Seven, CEO of Goldberg bank- I guess he’s supposed to be an American but his accent sounds Eastern European while his wife sounds American and speaks Japanese. The guy couldn’t act to save his life and I wonder why they picked such an awful actor to exist in this series. The foreign actors really bring the quality down. Even when Michiko speaks in English, she behaves weird and unnatural. Why is it that even the white purple can’t speak English without sounding like weirdos? This happens in all East Asian and south Asian entertainment - hiring low budget white actors who speak and act extremely weird. It ruins such a quality series.

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Daimon Michiko is back, this time in a new way!

Yes she is back this time, doing all the highest profile surgeries. My favorite episode of this season was of the surgery with the shogi player who was competing in a game against AI, and at the same time in Totei University hospital they were trying to use Hippocrates AI to diagnose and treat a case. But Daimon sensei uses real life experience and goes beyond the AI to diagnose the real problem. What is misdiagnosed by the Hippocrates AI as a brain access is revealed to be worms that came from eating raw pork. Then Michiko has the best conversation with the shogi player: about how to beat AI. The shogi player anticipates moves ahead but the AI is much better at doing that. So when he clears his mind, the next move becomes clear- this is intuition or spirit giving inner guidance. Michiko can relate to that and she says it happens to her during surgery too- it was a beautiful bonding moment with the patient and allows trust to be formed. The shogi player entrusts his surgery to her and it is successful. Finally he himself beats the AI post surgery and Michiko watches that match saying “Yes! He cleared his mind.” Naturally in Japan, they have uncovered the zen wisdom of how to surpass AI- AI does not have that capability of intuition though it can be a useful tool when used for the service of spirit, but when used in a competitive way, it can be crushing. Use AI collaboratively. But Michiko proves that she didn’t need even AI because she is a personification of Spirit itself, and Spirit never fails. And naturally of course, the ego system of bureaucracy and hierarchy covers up the surgery saying that AI snd another surgery succeeded in doing the surgery - ego always covering up and taking the credit of the work of Spirit.

Another action packed episode was the finale when Michiko herself is revealed to have cancer stage 3 (seriously how does everyone in this series have stage 3-4 cancer and ready to die in 3 months and drop like flies?). So as Michiko collapses after acing the chairman Uchikanda’s surgery and proving that her Spirit function never falters or wavers even if the patient is a scumbag, she collapses and needs surgery herself. Her resolve and determination is absolute. She is always the author and holds the power in eve try scene. She says, “Even as a patient, I never fails!” So she writes down notes for her own procedure and names Nishiyama as her surgeon- Uchikanda’s son who is philosophically aligned with her as someone who supports the freelance system. The surgery is successful and Akira san and Michiko escape back to Cuba (where Michiko’s career started) as chairman Uchikanda and director Hiruma are arrested. Now how Hiruma comes back in season 6 as if nothing ever happened is beyond me….!

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The “Diamond” Michiko is back!

Daimon Michiko, the greatest surgeon of all time is back and working at Totei University Hospital- it sounds all fancy with bloated titles and rankings, but there is so much corruption and dirt under the surface. Leading the corrupted organization at this time is none other than Director Hiruma who remember had surgery done by Michiko in the last season and she saved his life, but his memory is short and his corrupted heart is stronger than his gratitude towards her so he continues to treat her like a pest that needs to be exterminated or exiled rather than the top surgeon that saves their entire reputation and does all the actual work. Everyone else is practically useless except for her. It’s like she’s the main character and all the others are NPCs with no real skills of their own, just self centered scripts to blow up their reputation.

This time the season starts with Michiko in NYC as she waltzes into a random hospital and starts doing surgery on some patient that falls down in the middle of a restaurant- I don’t get how there are all these stage 4 cancer patients just writhing in pain randomly like that, but hey it makes for good drama when they collapse and “need to have emergency surgery right now or they will die!” So Michiko saves this lady and catches the attention of this lady who stole her Gyoza dumplings- like seriously who steals food from Michiko when she’s hungry? Good food is one of the only real rewards she gets for all her genius work! Anyway this lady is the head of that hospital or something and she ends up going to Japan to Totei Hospital and bringing along with her this “Americanized” Japanese doctor Kitano who speaks both English and Japanese with a weird show off kind of accent, and hiring Michiko into her team. Turns out she’s the sister of the previous director of the hospital who has now conceded the position to Hiruma. So Akira San calls Michiko and tells her to come back home or “she’ll be fired,” so she starts/resumes her position at this hospital under Hiruma.

Michiko deals with new scandals and patients- famous patients, celebrities that are so famous that the whole country is dying to know about his surgery, etc. and of course most of them collapse in pain of course and need emergency surgery or else they will die lol. The most touching story was of the anesthesiologist Jonouchi who has life threatening cancer like everyone else and Michiko for the first time seems like she might fail and she even thinks that she has failed in the first round of surgery. But turns out it was a necessary failure to shrink the tumor and turn it back a stage to be able to be removed completely with another surgery. The scenes where her surgery was finished and her daughter Mai and Akira San go to the church to pray for her life was very touching and beautiful. It made me cry.

So another great season, and I’m here for Michiko. When I saw her tearing up at her bond and determination to save her friend and anesthesiologist colleague Jonouchi, it was very sweet. She has come a lot way since the first season - back then she didn’t give a crap about anyone and only handled the patient. But now it’s like her heart is softening and her colleagues Kaji, Haru, and even Kitano are there to help, all on Christmas Day. It’s very touching to see the collaboration and energy she brings around her. Even though at first she might seem hard to get along with, any genuine person knows that Daimon Michiko is full of compassion and love for those around her that she has dedicated her life to serving people all the time.

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Michiko deserves better!

After being fired from the first hospital in season 1 (for saving people’s lives) by Busujima and his panel of hi-fi steak eating aficionados, Michiko starts a new job as surgeon at Teito university hospital first hired under the internal medicine chief (the woman horse race lady whose name I forgot), and then hired under Hiruma, the surgery director. It’s astounding how corrupt these organizations and power structures are, which Michiko’s honesty and integrity cutting through the whole system like a knife (no pun intended). She literally saves everyone’s life, like the internal medicine chief lady for example, and they have zero gratitude and just turn around and stab her in the back. The young handsome dude who was being groomed to be the next director by Hiruma (forgot the guy’s name) ends up publishing a case study for a surgery that Michiko proposes and carries out all on her own which involves a simultaneous transplant from two patients - wives of internal medicine and surgery doctors. It becomes a hit and the said handsome dude takes the credit and fame from what should belong to Michiko. Oftentimes Michiko is performing 2 surgeries simultaneously or back to back because of the incompetent surgical staff, but others take credit for her divine work- it’s infuriating! Reminds me of a corporation where the boss or CEO takes credit for all your hard work just to make their image look good. Then there’s the Locum agency director who is in charge of Michiko- he bills the hospital for Michiko’s work, gives them a melon, takes the money, and leaves Michiko with nothing but maybe a sushi dinner and a crappy place to stay. Where is all that money going I wonder? Michiko doesn’t seem to get a single penny of it. He keeps saying that she’s paying off her father’s debt which I suspect is a lie. I think that the guy is simply pocketing the money and exploiting Michiko’s genius but she is too naive to notice what’s going on. She simply wants to do surgery and save lives- that in itself is her purpose and reward. She doesn’t even desire money, fame, or status. Outside of surgery and the hospital, she becomes like a little child- dependent on the Locum agency director Mahjong guy, Akira San like he’s a father figure to her. But she needs more agency with the gifts she has. She deserves better with her divine gift! The whole world just exploits and takes from her and gives nothing but criticism and attacks to her. One guy Dr. Kaji..? Actually calls her a demon! What on earth. Because she isn’t fake polite for manipulative reasons and speaks her mind openly and honestly they call her a demon? When she’s the one saving lives and the other doctors are just cashing in on her accomplishments- taking the credit or money.. it’s so unfair. Michiko is being exploited! Please protect or save Michiko! She deserves better! But this series also shows how fickle all the authority and status and power is, as people get fired and dismissed left and right and even those who seem to profit off of Michiko’s surgical accomplishments eventually topple. The medical Pharisees strike again… and Akira San swindles all her money… But the Christ figure resurrects and strikes back! With that said, this series is seriously addicting.

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