omg I just realized that Olivia Rodrigo’s song “Begged” could basically be Zhi Tao’s anthem (extra points for book Zhitao because she was in the ditches for longer 💀)
this show is manipulating viewers. Luke is not manipulating Flora. I don't intend to bring her home. Flora stares…
They’re keeping it a secret at work. Are they keeping it a secret at home too? Don’t his friends know about her? He could have asked what she wanted to do too
So true😭 someone gets her at least. So many people don’t understand where her fears come from
I knoww I wish she had the courage to express her feelings to him and damn the consequences because he might get all unreasonably angry but at worst, he probably wouldn’t fire her or cut her salary. He’d get petty though and what if he stops giving her work advice? She wouldn’t want that. If she had to talk to him about it and damn the consequences, it would mean that she’s risking her career for it, because she isn’t 100% sure how it’ll go. She afraid but it’s a valid fear. That’s why the break will be important. She needs to be her own person so she can confidently talk back to him and stand separately from him in their work life so she’s not worried about her career too Poor girl has a lot to consider
I am probably a minority here - I completed the novel and I feel like FL somehow trying to compensate for not…
This is a reply to both replies. It’s really long though, sorry in advance. It seemed like she ended the relationship on a whim to him, but it wasn’t really a whim. After he came over to see her in the North, and was mad that she hadn’t told him about Su Yuanzhu, he looked straight in her eyes, when she was most vulnerable in his arms and said that he hadn’t missed her at all, with that dead, unfeeling look in his eyes.
I hope you remember what he did to her that day. Even if she hadn’t told him about her friend being in the North, she didn’t deserve that. It was enough hurt to end their relationship for a lifetime.
She should have told him about Su Yuanzhu, but if you think about it, even at that point he wanted her to share stuff about her life with him, but when did he share things about his personal life with her? He never did. She knew his friends names but that was it. He knew she lived with a male roomate. She didn’t hide that. So what on earth does he mean by “ambiguously living with a male roomate”?! How was it ambiguous. Why can she not have friends? He decided alone, in his head, that somethimg was going on between her and Yuanzhu. She didn’t know how jealous he was about it. He was jealous to the point that he didn’t trust her completely, thinking she loved someone else, but she didn’t know that. She just knew he didn’t really like the arrangement and so avoided the topic so he wouldn’t be mad. And the truth is that if she had told him that Yuanzhu was in the North, he might have refused to approve her posting there or it would have turned into an argument, and that might have been fine, but she didn’t want to face the fact that he thought so little of her, thinking she would cheat on him with another. If they argued about it earlier, she might have broken up with him earlier because she mentioned later that his lack of trust in her, after knowing her for so long, made her feel like a fool. Because Luan Nian trusts people when he thinks they’re capable of when he respects them. She knew that about him. So it was like he didn’t consider her an equal, which was a valid way to look at it too. Doesn’t she have self control? Had she ever shown him that she didn’t? So he was just trying to control her even if he didn’t realise it. You can’t deny that he had control issues.
When she broke up with him after the whole promotion issue, she said it in the book, that after that fight they had in the North, she sort of knew in her heart that they wouldn’t work out much longer, because it continuously felt that he didn’t trust or truly respect her. She felt like her love for him was fading. The death of her friend and the promotion issue just made it happen faster. He didn’t even tell her about having dinner with Yilia either. He would demand she share her life with him but never truly did the same, and it was because he didn’t still truly know what it meant to love her as a partner on equal footing with him. He was still a work in progress there. But she got tired. She said she noticed his efforts, but got tired of trying to teach him what she needed. So it wasn’t a whim at all.
I’ll say that she definitely should have told him how she was feeling, whether he understood or not. But there’s another part to this too. Luke isn’t blind. He knew something was wrong, and that she was bottling things up. He noticed but didn’t call her out or ask her directly about it. He’d just get mad and stew over it or worse, hurt her over it. He was the one that started the whole thing about keeping each other’s personal lives separate, of course, it would be difficult for her to change that mindset. She didn’t feel secure, and he didn’t inspire security. She should have told him about Yuanzhu, but he should have asked her directly about Yunzhu too, but didn’t.
She didn’t ask him about Zhang Yao or Yilia, because she simply trusted him with those instead of asking because she knows how he prefers to keep his personal life private. She didn’t hold a stewing grudge about it. So she did have a communication gap. I’m not denying her fault there, but so did he. He put his hands on her, kissed her and looked in her eyes and said “but I didn’t miss you at all”. If that wasn’t dirty, ugly and disgusting, then I don’t know what that was.
A relationship is a two way street. He did a lot for her, yes! But for a long time in that relationship, she let him get away with a lot, hoping that they would become more. I know, and she knows he was clear about not wanting to be more, but he knew she loved him and wanted to be more, and took advantage of that for a long time. It was in the process of taking advantage of this knowledge that he fell in love with her. He knew that, that’s why after that breakup, he wanted to try again later on. He knew how much effort she put into staying with him at first. It was a lot of emotional and mental effort. She put a lot into getting to know him, understand him and giving him a chance. How many people would have been able to stand his attitude for the first 4 years they were together? She did a lot for him too. She just couldn’t overcome the structure of their first relationship, that’s why she struggled with communication. For 4 years he barely called her, they barely texted, she didn’t know anything about the trips he went on, and he never wanted to share any of that. Even for all the support he gave her at work, it was more like support a mentor would give, not your loved one. He never pampered her about work things and that was intentional because when their relationship started at first, he wanted her to rely on herself and be strong. And you can argue that it was the right thing, but because of that she never learnt to lean on him. She became used to the initial structure he created and struggled to change it. She was so young when she started that relationship, it’s not shocking the way her issues developed.
I’m just saying that, it’s not a one way thing. She did have a lot of issues but so did he. He did a lot for her and so did she. In relationships, there are times when one party needs more support at a time, and a time will come when the other needs more support. In the second half of their relationship, it was his turn to support and encourage her to open up by asking her questions and being more direct and leading my example, sharing his life first. But what did he do? Get mad. Get very very very mad. So I cannot agree that the writer showed favouritism towards the female lead.
It’s actually the reason I like this story so much. The fact that many situations between them were not black and white as it is in real relationships, and that the exploration of micro feelings that affect their outlook on their relationship was done so clearly, is a very interesting thing about this story. The writer explored very clearly, the issues that arise when a relationship develops from a long term fwb/situationship and a relationship that was created with inherent power dynamics problems
tenants have rights? how many countries do you think actually manage to enforce those rights properly for the common citizen?😭 don’t be surprised. a lot of people are suffering in this world
see, that's what happens when a screenwriter picks and chooses what they want and do not want to include from…
exactly! it’s because of how they started things in the book, but it’s a bit more confusing here since the premise changed. I guess it now means that drama Zhitao is far more insecure than her situation warrants, since drama Luke is nicer/better
How can a romantic relationship be built without saying "I love you" to each other and by sleeping in…
The fact that the relationship starts like that(in the book at least) is one of the reasons she’s insecure throughout the relationship. So a relationship can be built like that, but is it a good idea? nope!
I am probably a minority here - I completed the novel and I feel like FL somehow trying to compensate for not…
She did tell him not to buy her bags anymore He just wouldn’t listen He cooks for her buys things for her and what not, but also says “I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone like you”, “I don’t have plans to change the status of this relationship” It’s true that she has communication issues anyway but if someone is that harsh with me then I’m going to clam up too. She was in that relationship because of how much she liked him. She did it for her and tried not to expect that it would last a long time because that is literally what he told her. The truth is that even when they started officially dating and things got a bit better on his end, she could not overcome the feeling of lacking security in their relationship and she couldn’t and wouldn’t articulate what was wrong with her. That was on her for not being able to communicate it, but even then, he didn’t tell her for a long time that he was jealous of her best friend and hurt her a lot over that. Why would you put all the blame on her? Also, he coached her? Yes! But he coached her while saying she was stupid? Double yes!! If someone can’t coach me without making me feel like a fool, especially when that someone is my partner, then I’d rather not be coached lol Anyway, her reactions make sense for someone her age. She was just 22 when that relationship started and at that age, with an older, more accomplished partner, you might not be sure what the right thing to say is or not because it’s an inherently intimidating situation, not to mention a partner that told you at the start of the relationship that both of you should not intrude into your individual lives.
K-Drama 
1 
I just realized that Olivia Rodrigo’s song “Begged” could basically be Zhi Tao’s anthem (extra points for book Zhitao because she was in the ditches for longer 💀)
I wish she had the courage to express her feelings to him and damn the consequences because he might get all unreasonably angry but at worst, he probably wouldn’t fire her or cut her salary. He’d get petty though and what if he stops giving her work advice? She wouldn’t want that.
If she had to talk to him about it and damn the consequences, it would mean that she’s risking her career for it, because she isn’t 100% sure how it’ll go. She afraid but it’s a valid fear.
That’s why the break will be important. She needs to be her own person so she can confidently talk back to him and stand separately from him in their work life so she’s not worried about her career too
Poor girl has a lot to consider
It’s so gross
It seemed like she ended the relationship on a whim to him, but it wasn’t really a whim.
After he came over to see her in the North, and was mad that she hadn’t told him about Su Yuanzhu, he looked straight in her eyes, when she was most vulnerable in his arms and said that he hadn’t missed her at all, with that dead, unfeeling look in his eyes.
I hope you remember what he did to her that day. Even if she hadn’t told him about her friend being in the North, she didn’t deserve that. It was enough hurt to end their relationship for a lifetime.
She should have told him about Su Yuanzhu, but if you think about it, even at that point he wanted her to share stuff about her life with him, but when did he share things about his personal life with her? He never did. She knew his friends names but that was it. He knew she lived with a male roomate. She didn’t hide that. So what on earth does he mean by “ambiguously living with a male roomate”?! How was it ambiguous. Why can she not have friends? He decided alone, in his head, that somethimg was going on between her and Yuanzhu. She didn’t know how jealous he was about it. He was jealous to the point that he didn’t trust her completely, thinking she loved someone else, but she didn’t know that. She just knew he didn’t really like the arrangement and so avoided the topic so he wouldn’t be mad. And the truth is that if she had told him that Yuanzhu was in the North, he might have refused to approve her posting there or it would have turned into an argument, and that might have been fine, but she didn’t want to face the fact that he thought so little of her, thinking she would cheat on him with another. If they argued about it earlier, she might have broken up with him earlier because she mentioned later that his lack of trust in her, after knowing her for so long, made her feel like a fool. Because Luan Nian trusts people when he thinks they’re capable of when he respects them. She knew that about him. So it was like he didn’t consider her an equal, which was a valid way to look at it too. Doesn’t she have self control? Had she ever shown him that she didn’t? So he was just trying to control her even if he didn’t realise it. You can’t deny that he had control issues.
When she broke up with him after the whole promotion issue, she said it in the book, that after that fight they had in the North, she sort of knew in her heart that they wouldn’t work out much longer, because it continuously felt that he didn’t trust or truly respect her. She felt like her love for him was fading. The death of her friend and the promotion issue just made it happen faster.
He didn’t even tell her about having dinner with Yilia either.
He would demand she share her life with him but never truly did the same, and it was because he didn’t still truly know what it meant to love her as a partner on equal footing with him. He was still a work in progress there. But she got tired. She said she noticed his efforts, but got tired of trying to teach him what she needed. So it wasn’t a whim at all.
I’ll say that she definitely should have told him how she was feeling, whether he understood or not. But there’s another part to this too. Luke isn’t blind. He knew something was wrong, and that she was bottling things up. He noticed but didn’t call her out or ask her directly about it. He’d just get mad and stew over it or worse, hurt her over it.
He was the one that started the whole thing about keeping each other’s personal lives separate, of course, it would be difficult for her to change that mindset. She didn’t feel secure, and he didn’t inspire security. She should have told him about Yuanzhu, but he should have asked her directly about Yunzhu too, but didn’t.
She didn’t ask him about Zhang Yao or Yilia, because she simply trusted him with those instead of asking because she knows how he prefers to keep his personal life private. She didn’t hold a stewing grudge about it. So she did have a communication gap. I’m not denying her fault there, but so did he.
He put his hands on her, kissed her and looked in her eyes and said “but I didn’t miss you at all”. If that wasn’t dirty, ugly and disgusting, then I don’t know what that was.
A relationship is a two way street. He did a lot for her, yes! But for a long time in that relationship, she let him get away with a lot, hoping that they would become more. I know, and she knows he was clear about not wanting to be more, but he knew she loved him and wanted to be more, and took advantage of that for a long time. It was in the process of taking advantage of this knowledge that he fell in love with her. He knew that, that’s why after that breakup, he wanted to try again later on. He knew how much effort she put into staying with him at first. It was a lot of emotional and mental effort. She put a lot into getting to know him, understand him and giving him a chance. How many people would have been able to stand his attitude for the first 4 years they were together? She did a lot for him too. She just couldn’t overcome the structure of their first relationship, that’s why she struggled with communication. For 4 years he barely called her, they barely texted, she didn’t know anything about the trips he went on, and he never wanted to share any of that. Even for all the support he gave her at work, it was more like support a mentor would give, not your loved one. He never pampered her about work things and that was intentional because when their relationship started at first, he wanted her to rely on herself and be strong. And you can argue that it was the right thing, but because of that she never learnt to lean on him. She became used to the initial structure he created and struggled to change it. She was so young when she started that relationship, it’s not shocking the way her issues developed.
I’m just saying that, it’s not a one way thing. She did have a lot of issues but so did he. He did a lot for her and so did she. In relationships, there are times when one party needs more support at a time, and a time will come when the other needs more support. In the second half of their relationship, it was his turn to support and encourage her to open up by asking her questions and being more direct and leading my example, sharing his life first. But what did he do? Get mad. Get very very very mad. So I cannot agree that the writer showed favouritism towards the female lead.
It’s actually the reason I like this story so much. The fact that many situations between them were not black and white as it is in real relationships, and that the exploration of micro feelings that affect their outlook on their relationship was done so clearly, is a very interesting thing about this story. The writer explored very clearly, the issues that arise when a relationship develops from a long term fwb/situationship and a relationship that was created with inherent power dynamics problems
So a relationship can be built like that, but is it a good idea? nope!
He just wouldn’t listen
He cooks for her buys things for her and what not, but also says “I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone like you”, “I don’t have plans to change the status of this relationship”
It’s true that she has communication issues anyway but if someone is that harsh with me then I’m going to clam up too. She was in that relationship because of how much she liked him. She did it for her and tried not to expect that it would last a long time because that is literally what he told her.
The truth is that even when they started officially dating and things got a bit better on his end, she could not overcome the feeling of lacking security in their relationship and she couldn’t and wouldn’t articulate what was wrong with her. That was on her for not being able to communicate it, but even then, he didn’t tell her for a long time that he was jealous of her best friend and hurt her a lot over that. Why would you put all the blame on her?
Also, he coached her? Yes! But he coached her while saying she was stupid? Double yes!! If someone can’t coach me without making me feel like a fool, especially when that someone is my partner, then I’d rather not be coached lol
Anyway, her reactions make sense for someone her age. She was just 22 when that relationship started and at that age, with an older, more accomplished partner, you might not be sure what the right thing to say is or not because it’s an inherently intimidating situation, not to mention a partner that told you at the start of the relationship that both of you should not intrude into your individual lives.