112
400
15
2
5
2
7
7
3
8
1
1
1
1
2
4
7
4
9
What I liked:
I enjoyed the cast from main characters to bit players. They took great care in picking people for even small roles. The actors certainly gave it their all and most of the characters were interesting.
Much of the storyline was generic, but the trip to the past stocked with sorcerers gave it a unique twist. If only they’d tightened the writing.
The female lead was competent if in need of rescuing on numerous occasions.
What didn’t work for me:
Much of the movie involved chase scenes going nowhere to fill the time.
Another childhood connection story showing two characters were fated to be together. This trope can’t be escaped even in separate timelines.
Overall, the CGI and acting were decent even though it looked like a drama instead of a feature film. This was not an epic story, it was quite simplistic as complex as they tried to make it appear. For me, they simply didn’t have enough story to tell and spent much of the time going in circles and flashing back and forth in time. Two hours was too long for something that could have been accomplished in less than an hour. I would have enjoyed Alienoid/Alienoid 2 more if they’d shortened them to one concise film or extended them for a (very) limited drama filling out the characters whose stories were shorthanded and straightened out some of the messy writing.
6 January 2025
Was this review helpful to you?
"I'm surrounded by enemies"
I recently watched The Throne, a film about King Young Jo and Crown Prince Sado’s unhealthy relationship. The Fatal Encounter told the story of Sado’s son, Jung Jo, who inherited the throne when Young Jo died. “I’m surrounded by enemies.” That was a gross understatement. Jung Jo suffered numerous assassination attempts, including the one this film covered.King Jung Jo has only one person in the world that he trusts, his clerk Gap Soo. The Queen Dowager is seeking to kill him along with the Noron party and their many tentacles. His enemies have hired an assassin, #220/Eul Soo as well as enlisting the powerful military leader, General Goo Sun Bok. Over the period of a day, alliances are tested as Jung Jo is set up to be murdered. So much for the heavenly mandate and divine right to rule.
The film started at the end and then traveled back almost 21 hours in time. The power alliances were revealed as well as the shady group that imprisoned and trained children to be assassins. Several of the children had been imbedded within the palace as sleepers and informants.
Hyun Bin gave a strong performance as the entangled king seeking to find a way to stay alive and to protect his people. Jung Jae Young played eunuch and clerk Gap Soo in an understated manner befitting a king’s servant. Jo Jung Suk took a nuanced approach to his assassin #220. Eul Soo wanted to quit and run off with the woman he loved but the king of the assassins wasn’t ready to let him go. The other performances were all a pleasure to watch as well.
The sets and cinematography all helped to pull me into King Jung Jo’s world. The fight choreography was among the best I’ve seen in Korean cinema. Though the king needed to have better trained guards. Eul Soo cut through them like warm butter. Something I learned, it’s best to bring archers during a rainstorm, old style guns were all but useless. #2-Hyun Bin had some marvelous abs showcased in an early scene. Thank you director-nim.
The Fatal Encounter had flashbacks within flashbacks but was still easy to follow. The pacing kept the story moving, never slowing down or dragging. Starring some of the most famous Korean actors and actresses, the performances were a treat to watch. I enjoyed the deadly triangle, square, pentagon…let’s just say deadly polygon that played out over 135 minutes.
“Do your utmost in trivial things. From that you can attain sincerity…It is only those with complete sincerity who can transform everything.”
17 December 2024
Was this review helpful to you?
The story itself is universal. A son calls his mom and says he’s coming over. The mother lights up and though physically disabled hobbles to the store in order to purchase ingredients to make a quick meal for him. Mothers everywhere with children at any age want to make sure that they are well fed and happy. Any time they can see their child as they grow older is a gift.
The director's reflection was shown in the mirror while shooting the film when his mother is in the grocery store. My Mother was a sweet short film about the tenacity and generosity of a mother’s love, even for a problematic child.
15 December 2024
Was this review helpful to you?
Nothing good happens after midnight
The Woman in the Taxi is the extended version of the short film 3:00 AM. Where 3:00 AM showed the ending of the grisly film, this film tells what actions led to the culmination.A young woman is dressed up and standing at a bus stop seemingly in the middle of nowhere at around midnight. She is talking to her younger sister on a walkie talkie. A taxi stops near her which causes her to take a picture of the tag. Another man in a mask and heavy coat lurks in the shadows near a tree. In the typical fashion of someone who doesn’t want to overreact, she makes mistake after mistake.
As I said in my review for 3:00 AM, I'm not a connoisseur of horror films so I’m not sure how this matches up against other short horror films. A Woman in the Taxi appeared to be a lesson in human paralysis and denial in the face of danger. Or human stupidity often prevalent in horror films. If you enjoy true horror films this might be something you’d like although it was nothing original.
15 December 2024
Was this review helpful to you?
I'm not a connoisseur of horror films so I’m not sure how this matches up against other short horror films. This film felt more like an exploitation film by excluding all of the story leading up to the incident which was the ending of the longer film. Better to just watch The Woman in the Taxi to see a lesson in human paralysis and denial in the face of danger. Or human stupidity.
15 December 2024
Was this review helpful to you?
"Stay broken, that's normal for you"
A Man of Reason had a strong cast that was dragged down by a generic story filled with coincidences and tropes. Jung Woo Sung and Kim Nam Gil endeavored to breathe life into the bland script with mixed results.Soo Hyuk is finally out of prison after 10 years. He has no desire to return to his criminal life, especially after he discovers he has a daughter. Chairman Park Eung Kook isn’t ready to let go of one of his best men and sends his minion Kang to observe him. Kang takes matters into his own hands and hires “The Washer” to take Soo Hyuk out. Things don’t go as planned when Soo Hyuk’s daughter is kidnapped.
The biggest problem with this film was that director and writer Jung Woo Sung employed tropes that were stale by the year 2000. Execution is all important when treading over old ground. It felt like he attempted to integrate elements from The Joker by having a psychotic killer and his even crazier moll stir things up. The overuse of explosives and an amusement park hideout were a little too on the nose. In the end, none of the characters were developed enough to care about.
Jung and his deep voice made for a believable reformed criminal if not a particularly menacing one. Kim Nam Gil brought the crazy as the sinister “Washer.” He also provided much needed comic relief. Disappointingly, Park Sung Woong and his long-haired wig only dropped by for a small supporting role. The Big Bad ended up being a whiny, incompetent, and jealous assistant. Kim Joon Han didn’t have the screen presence to pull off this poorly drawn character.
A Man of Reason had well-choreographed fights and car chases even when they veered into incredulity. Fans of Jung Woo Sung and Kim Nam Gil may enjoy watching these two spar and banter. Unfortunately, that’s about all Jung’s directorial effort offered.
27 November 2024
Was this review helpful to you?
"Repent and turn back!"
Prolific martial arts director Tang Chia/Tong Kai only directed three movies. Having just finished watching Shaolin Intruders, I’ve now completed all three. Hard to believe Shaw Brothers only used him a handful of times as I enjoyed all three of his films. He utilized several well-known martial arts directors for this kung fu lollapalooza with deception, revenge, and secret identities galore!Buddies, perhaps frenemies, Lei Xun and Qiao Yi Duo come to the aid of pretty acquaintance Ye Qing Hua when she is accused of murdering 2 of the 4 most powerful clans. Xun and Yi Duo discover evidence that fighters trained at the Shaolin Temple are the culprits. In order for Qing Hua to be allowed to identify the intruders she witnessed, the two men must pass three tests. When it seems the mystery is solved, the two heroes realize it might not be as simple as it seemed.
Tang Chia and Shaw Brothers brought in numerous stunt men and actors capable of stunt fighting. The six martial arts directors utilized numerous styles, creative weapons (bolo dice!) and formations to keep the action rolling, stacking, and flipping from opening credits to ending ones. Every clan chief had their own men and the Shaolin Temple was staffed well, too.
With the exceptionally large cast of bit players, you know to expect a similarly large body count.
Derek Yee played the stern and earnest swordsman while Jason Pai Piao turned on the charm as his gambling and vivacious partner. Phillip Ko Fei brought the kung fu know-how and speed as the Big Bad. Lau Yuk Pok who only worked in 10 films before retiring played Ye Ching Hua. She held her own, though one of Shaw’s other more established actresses might have given this role the darkness it needed. Ku Feng, a regular Shaw Brothers contract player, made an appearance as one of the doomed Chiefs.
The story was rather thin with just enough substance to tie the numerous fight scenes together. Jason Pai’s Yi Duo kept things lively and entertaining. Phillip Ko Fei often played smaller roles and it was nice to see him in a weightier one. The SB sets and costumes were always more opulent than their Taiwanese competitors and a multitude of stuntmen flipped, flew, and lunged through the walls and railings to sell the action. If you enjoy old kung fu films this is one to try. As always, I grade these cheap, niche, films on a curve.
26 November 2024
Trigger warning: Snakes. Lots of snakes.
Was this review helpful to you?
Ah Ching, Ah Jung, and Kao Tzu spend most days drinking, playing pool, playing pranks and getting in fights. Ah Ching’s mother is constantly criticizing him hoping to set him straight. When the boys have a brush with the law they travel to Kaohsiung for work. They are looking for independence and new experiences before they are called into military service. Hsiao Hsing is their cute neighbor with a sleazeball boyfriend who is stealing from work. Ah Ching begins work at the factory where Hsiao is employed while the other two friends seek alternative income sources that puts a strain on the friendships.
I enjoyed this film more than some of Hou Hsiao Hsien’s other films. The characters weren’t as remote and unknowable as in his later films. Ah Ching was relatable and despite his poor behavior in his hometown, he was more sympathetic than the other two boys. The teens went from being cocky fish in a small pond to insignificant fish in a big pond. They weren’t well educated and lacked marketable skills. All three faced uncertain futures and were still learning who they were as young men. Complicating things, it was the time of life when relationships were made and broken with friendships in flux.
The Boys from Fengkuei was an entertaining slice of life film more about the experience of watching it than any sort of compelling plot. It evoked emotions of a last summer vacation before adulthood kicks in and wanting a little romance and adventure, but not knowing how to manifest either.
18 November 2024
Was this review helpful to you?
"Men like us don't deserve a woman"
Soul on a String was an unusual combination of cyclical revenge and spiritual journey, fantasy and reality. Somehow, it worked…for the most part. Beyond the story and acting the breathtaking scenery of Tibet starred as the main feature.“Treasure your new life and be kind to all.”
After he kills a deer, Tabei finds a sacred stone in the animal’s mouth. Lightning promptly strikes him. He is revived by Buddhist monks and the Incarnate Lama Zatroe. Because the holy Tibetan treasure chose Tabei he is tasked with delivering it to the Palm Print Land. Tabei will also be given the chance to redeem his sins and awaken his soul. Along the way, Tabei reluctantly ends up traveling with a female sheepherder and a small, mute boy. Hot on his trail are an enigmatic cowboy, two vengeful brothers, and numerous shady men who desire the priceless stone.
“The distance is under your feet and the road is on your back.”
Soul on a String felt like a cross between fairytale and reality. It could be hard to tell where the lines between the supernatural and natural crossed. More than one mystical being guided the characters to where they needed to be. While there were plenty of people who wanted to rob or murder Tabei, this was not an action film. The cyclical nature of revenge did take center stage though. Two brothers spent their lives hunting Tabei because his father killed their father in a fight. One brother killed several men named Tabei during his relentless search creating new enemies for his family. Though Tabei understood the brothers’ need for vengeance, he’d never even met his deceased father yet still was held responsible for his actions. As Tabei crossed the endless landscape in front of him with two people who cared for him, he began to gain some introspection and appreciation for life. All life.
“With a snap of my finger, I can take all of you out of this universe.”
Most of the actors gave natural performances, nothing too complex or nuanced. Without a better working knowledge of Tibetan Buddhism there were a few elements in the story that were somewhat confusing to me, but most of the story was easy to follow. The timelines were fluid and didn’t always move in a linear fashion. Because much of the action took place in the vast, scarcely populated areas of grasslands, desert, and mountains, where a person could die of thirst or hunger, something as simple as a Walkman seemed anachronistic. The cinematography showcased extraordinary landscapes that often competed with the actors for attention.
Soul on a String explored the useless blood feuds that destroyed the next generation’s lives and created more feuds for the continuing generations. Without being heavy-handed Tabei gained his redemption arc, step by agonizing step. Accompanied by a woman who cared for him whether he liked it or not and a pint-sized supernatural helper whether he liked it or not. I freely admit I may have rated this film too high, redemption stories are like catnip to me. 7.75 rounded up to an 8, on another day it might be a 7.5
“To turn spiteful curses into forgiving smiles
Let me understand others
Without asking to be understood
Let me love others
Without asking to be loved.”
18 November 2024
Was this review helpful to you?
Didn't make me wax poetically about it
Princess from the Moon told an updated version of the thousand-year-old story, “The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter.” A supernatural “princess”, a sea monster, and UFO should have made for an exciting tale, but connecting to the characters was more difficult than I thought it would be.A mother and father are grieving the loss of their five-year-old daughter when a bright light and explosion near their daughter’s grave draws their attention. The husband runs into the forest, not only concerned about Kaya’s grave but also to put out any fires in the bamboo forest, the source of his income. He finds a small pod that breaks open and reveals a baby, a baby that ages into a five-year-old in seconds. His wife immediately accepts the blue-eyed version of Kaya as a gift from heaven. When Kaya rapidly turns into a young woman, they decide to move away. Their traveling money is aided by the pod which turned out to be pure gold. Soon Kaya’s beauty is the talk of the town and suitors are knocking at the door. What will happen when her people decide it’s time for her to return home?
This story is right up my alley. I love fairytales, fantasy, and kaiju. Not even a guest appearance by Manda could pull me into this one. It didn’t help that the movie was either badly degraded or shot in a gauzy style which distanced me from the story. Instead of giving it an ethereal appearance it was like struggling to see through fog. Kaya came across as detached which didn’t endear me to her. Her love interest was lumped in with two other suitors and an interested emperor. The impossible tasks Kaya assigned them to test their sincerity revealed a lack of integrity in most of the noblemen. “Men trade honesty for an easy life.”
One of my favorite actors, Mifune Toshiro, played the reluctant and then committed father. “Her joy and sorrow are mine now.” Wakao Ayako made the mother’s grief at the loss of a child palpable as well as her joy at heaven providing her another daughter to love. Though beautiful, Sawaguchi Yasuko’s portrayal of Kaya/Princess Kaguya came across as stiff. Despite so much of the story revolving around her, I never emotionally connected with her character. The blind Akeno played by Odaka Megumi gave a more nuanced performance.
Even through the fogged-up lens, the scenery was striking, especially the bamboo forest. The special effects, however, were rudimentary for the most part. The sea dragon did remind me of Manda and with the movie coming from Toho it could have been. The final scenes looked straight out of 1977’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind though I give them props for doing a satisfying job on the space craft. They got their money’s worth as the ship was shown from nearly every angle quite lovingly. Throughout the film the soundtrack was delicate and unobtrusive. Then inexplicably Peter Cetera sang the closing song over the credits. He was everywhere in 1987, also singing the theme song for Karate Kid 2 (1986). Maybe he was in the neighborhood.
Princess from the Moon was a delightful fairytale that missed opportunities to engage this viewer on a deeper level. The second half was stronger than the tepid first half. I did enjoy the concept of a moon maiden growing up with Earthling parents and falling in love with an Earthman. I wouldn’t want to dissuade anyone from watching Princess from the Moon, it’s worth giving a try. For me it faltered on the emotional front for instead of being moved by the tidal tug between celestial homes for Kaya, I found myself reminiscing about Sokka and Zuko’s conversation from The Last Airbender, “My girlfriend turned into the moon.” “That’s rough, buddy.”
28 October 2024
Was this review helpful to you?
Battastically ridiculous!
The Golden Bat was a film with aliens, a rogue planet, laser weapons, a spaceship shaped like a shark, and a superhero golden mummy with a serious overbite. The science was laughable. The costumes were dreadful. And this was 70 minutes of silly fun.A secret U.N. space institute has discovered that the planet Icarus is on a collision course with Earth. The rogue planet is being assisted by Nazo “Master of the Universe” who wants to be rid of Earthlings. At the institute, Dr. Pearl is assisted by the studly Dr. Yamatone and Yamatone’s boy wonder, Akira. Pearl has built a laser cannon capable of destroying Icarus but it lacks a rare mineral. Fortunately for Team Earth, one of their spaceships has crashed on an uncharted island. When the team goes to investigate, they come across a sarcophagus with a mummy inside dressed in gold lame. Holy coincidences Batman, the mummy is holding the mineral they need to save the planet! Turns out this risen island is part of Atlantis. The tomb directions read, “Ten millennia from now mankind will face a crisis. Open this sarcophagus and I, the Golden Bat, will awaken from my long sleep to fight by your side. Pour a drop of water on me.” Pearl’s granddaughter obliges and the Golden Bat comes to life. All Emily has to do is call his name and he will appear. Team Earth will need all the help they can get with a planet barreling down on them and Nazo’s minions attacking them from all sides.
If you have ever watched an old live action Saturday morning show for kids, this would be similar---albeit with more dead bodies. Apparently, the Golden Bat is one of the earliest, if not the earliest superhero dating back to 1930. This GB was invulnerable, carried a laser shooting baton, could fly and had a maniacal laugh. The evil Nazo’s costume looked like a big mouse with four eyes and a mechanical claw for one hand. He had three high level minions-Jackal, Keloid, and Piranha. Nazo’s spaceship was a giant drill shaped monstrosity while his cruising around ship was built like a shark. Sonny Chiba played a bearded scientist who spent most of his time shooting his laser handgun at aliens and wondering if his career was what was being destroyed.
The Golden Bat was not a high-quality production and the science was scarily bad. But it was so ridiculous that it was funny. In order to enjoy this movie, you will need an extremely high cheese threshold. Like Icarus high. Or be high. Graded on a curve.
24 October 2024
Was this review helpful to you?
"Behold I will make a havoc in the Heavenly Palace!"
Rescue the Earth aka Earth Rescue Day took the old trope of aliens taking over the Earth and combined it with a little Monkey King magic. The mischievous god never made an appearance but devotee Mo Fei managed to embody some of the simian’s better qualities.The Earth has been devastated and overtaken by an alien called Giant Kun who orbits the sky. Smaller spider-like creatures called Kunzis scavenge the land and anyone who dares to come above ground. Humanity has made their homes safely below ground in modern cities. Mo Fei is a Flyman in his 20’s who goes to the surface to find objects of worth to sell below. He owes his friend, Sha Sha, money. She tags along when he tries to sell items to Boss Zhu who is not happy to see him. Mo Fei and Sha Sha end up on the run from Boss Zhu above ground in their flying vehicles when both are attacked by the Kunzis. Mo Fei rescues Boss Zhu and the civilians find themselves in turn rescued from a herd of Kunzis by the Black Falcon Squad. The squad and Flymen end up on a dangerous mission through Kunzi infested land in order to arm a weapon that might destroy Giant Kun before she reproduces and ends humanity for all time.
Rescue the Earth had some really good creatures. Although Giant Kun looked suspiciously like the Harbulary battery eating Abilisk from Guardians of the Galaxy 2. If spiders make you squeamish the hordes of arachnid inspired Kunzis with long spiky tongues may not be for you. While the creatures were properly creepy, the flying car chases came across as very low quality CGI.
Liu Jian Yu as the Wukong inspired Mo Fei had an impish smile and Monkey King hairdo. There was a nice bit to tie it all together at the end. Wang Zi Jia as his gal pal Sha Sha was the mechanic who had to run around on the snow-covered ground in her Daisy Dukes cut-off jean shorts. The writers worked hard to make the four brave soldiers have their own personalities. Capt. Li had a secret related to Mo Fei that tied him to the young man. Different characters had to make the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good and while it didn’t bring tears, they weren’t complete strangers.
Rescue the Earth had some clunky dialogue and even clunkier science but it did have an interesting premise and characters. The film was thankfully short and kept the action going non-stop. The final solution didn’t make any sense but it was done in Wukong style which made it worthwhile for me. If you can handle cheesy dialogue and don’t mind absurd science it’s a diverting 90 minutes of action and creepy crawlers.
21 October 2024
Triggers-Spiderish creatures
Was this review helpful to you?
The real seafood wars!
A space probe to Jupiter returned home with glittering aliens who created Seafood Kaiju in order to take over the world in Space Amoeba aka Yog, Monster from Space. An intrepid reporter, a biologist, and a resort developer converge on a pristine island destined to become a luxury resort site. That is, if the native islanders and newly created monsters agree to sign the contracts.Reporter Kudo Taro sees the lost Jupiter probe, Helios 7, parachuting to Earth while he is on an airplane. No one believes him and he is laughed out of the editor’s office. Hoshino Ayako who works for a resort developer asks him to take pictures of a remote island for their project. At first, he’s not interested but then his friend, Dr. Mida Kyoichi tells him he believes monsters might be inhabiting the island. Kudo can smell a buck to be made and agrees. A shady character named Obata tags along on the ship and joins the group even after the monster has already killed a worker on the island. The islanders believe the newcomers are angering Gezora, a giant octopus like creature, but Gezora seems generally pissed off about any two-legged creatures on the island. It’s not long before everyone understands that they are on their own with no way off the island and no way to contact the outside world, with a giant cephalopod out for blood.
This was Honda Ishiro’s first kaiju movie without special effects master Tsuburaya Eiji who died in 1970. Aside from a few random wires through the years, I noticed more in this film than the others combined. Of course, controlling eight legs on land is tough. There were two giant crabs-Ganimes, and a big turtle not named Gamera as well. The overall looks of the kaiju were good for the time period. If you have a bat phobia there were numerous alive and unalive bats in the last third of the film. This film got something right that many of these creature features did not. The monsters showed up early and often instead of being special guest stars in their own movies.
The actors were better than usual, with the exception of the female lead who was never called by name. I kept thinking Kudo would say, “Ayako, stop falling down!” or “Ayako, stop screaming and alerting the monster to our location!” There was never even a proper introduction. The lone island woman, Saki, had her name called out numerous times. Even characters with bit parts had their names vocalized, all but poor Ayako. At least they gave her a name in the cast list. Have I belabored that point? Probably. Lol
Space Amoeba took a different angle on the kaiju genre by having microscopic glittering space aliens take over sea creatures and even humans in their world domination goal. The humans had to survive long enough to work together to discover the aliens’ weakness. They also had a little assist from Mother Nature and a selfless soul. If you enjoy old kaiju films, this is one to try.
19 October 2024
Was this review helpful to you?
That's not a sword. Now that's a sword!
Lam Ching Ying wasn’t available for this sequel so Mr. Vampire 4 had to find two priests to take his place! Wu Ma joined the hopping fun alongside Anthony Chan’s Four-eyed Taoist. There were jiangshi and one Big Bad vampire for the boys to deal with.Buddhist priest Yi Yu returns home with Ching Ching, a female disciple. Chia Le is a disciple of the Four-eyed Taoist but respects Yi Yu. Chia Le and Ching Ching get off on the wrong foot when Chia Le mistakes her for a boy. Their misunderstanding can’t hold a candle to the childish displays by their elders who torment each other and even have a food fight. The two older men have to set aside their petty rivalry and work together when a vampire is being transported to the capital and breaks out of his traveling coffin during a lightning storm.
Lam Ching Ying’s wise unibrowed character would have had no place in this film. It’s a wonder the vampire was ever subdued with these two frenemies on the job. Wu Ma and Anthony Chan made the most of their roles as they fought each other and then the undead. Ching Ching was a more adept female character than in previous sequels making her a welcome addition. Chin Kar Lok took over his older brother’s (Chin Siu Ho) role as the bumbling Taoist disciple. His kung fu and stunt abilities were fun to watch as he was quite acrobatic. Pauline Wong returned in a guest role as a fox demon who tried to seduce the Four-eyed Taoist. Cheung Wing Cheung played a hopping vampire in Mr. Vampire 2 and played the Big Bad vampire here.
Except for a conga line of hopping vampires who also played limbo, the first 47 minutes was devoted to slapstick comedy with the two competing priests. As someone who has a low tolerance for it, those minutes were slower than a jiangshi hopping through knee deep mud. Once the Big Bad took the stage, the action picked up as well as my interest. There was still plenty of comedy, this was not a scary movie. At one point Four Eyes kept coming out with bigger and bigger swords compared to Yi Yu’s. One thing that did not age well was Yuen Wah’s gay eunuch as the role was played strictly for laughs.
Mr. Vampire 4 was comparable in quality to most of the other sequels in this franchise. The fights were well-choreographed and there were plenty of vampires both of the hopping and non-hopping varieties. Most of all, Wu Ma is always welcome on my screen even if I have to watch him in a food fight. (Graded on a ratings curve)
18 October 2024
Trigger warning: Snakes and one decapitation
Was this review helpful to you?
Monstrous and not in the good way
Monsters was a cheap, confusing film which wouldn’t have been a bad thing if it had been funny or scary. Five people ended up in a monster prison that was sealed in four dimensions but wasn’t impregnable. The ancient creators were super geniuses but forgot about solar eclipses which caused the singularity solar space time quantum magnetic black hole multiverse prison to glitch.Long before humans crawled down from the trees, giants ruled the Earth. Everything was hunky dory until an underground explosion spewed up lethal monsters that ate everything in their path. The giants decided to leave Earth but eleven warriors stayed behind and caged the monsters. A gazillion years later Gao Fei and her sidekick Su Jun Bao race to the site where her sister, Gao Wei, disappeared a year earlier during a solar eclipse. As luck would have it another eclipse is about to begin. Fei is ready to jump through the newly formed ripples when Zhang Mu Sheng drops in wielding a knife and attacks Fei. Why you ask? Who knows. Jun Bao is accidentally knocked into the portal. When Mu Sheng refuses to relent Fei bounces both of them through the portal before it closes. An observer, Ayo Sayi, finds her way through the portal as well. Hiding in the deep forest is a monster who has a Black Canary cry that disables its prey before it attacks. As the group wanders through the woods, they keep happening upon other people who look just like them, both living and dead. Fei just wants to survive, find her sister, and get everyone safely home.
The creators failed at world building on multiple levels which dragged this movie down. It could have been a translation problem but the characters’ efforts to explain what was going on were just confusing word salads of scientific terms. It seemed liked the creators used the whole black hole singularity multiverse quantum physics explanation so that they could kill off character without having to sacrifice the main characters. How did beings intelligent enough to build a fourth-dimension prison powered by the sun not take into account solar eclipses? Total solar eclipses happen around every 18 months. And how in the heck would a solar eclipse be any more problematic than nighttime? A solar eclipse doesn’t block the sun for the whole planet. The nocturnal beasts didn’t seem to have any problem coming out in the daytime either.
Along with world building, the characters were a mess. Gao Fei knew her sister disappeared through a mysterious portal. She planned to go through it as well when it appeared again. She brought no food, water, weapon, or backpack. To show she was ready for anything she wore a white sports bra instead of a shirt. The Observer in an elaborate costume and wig was not properly attired for traipsing through the forest and fighting off a monster either, although she at least carried a sword. Mu Sheng went from trying to kill Fei to becoming best buddies with her in whiplash fashion. And poor Jun Bao was given a list of scientific terms to rattle off in no particular order. Most of the characters were knocked unconscious at least once. If they survived their ordeal they all needed to schedule CTscans upon return to their world. Quite honestly, my favorite character and the only one I cared about surviving was Master the dog.
Monsters was primarily a singular monster for most of the movie with the kind of CGI you’d expect from this caliber of film. If you enjoy being confused watching confused characters wandering through a singularity solar space time quantum magnetic black hole multiverse monster prison disguised as a wooded forest, this might be something to check out. I told myself if the writers resisted using the most cliched ending for these cheap monster movies I’d give it a .5 bump. It did not receive a .5 ratings bump.
17 October 2024
Was this review helpful to you?
