Kate

I understand a lot of people are frustrated with his “lack of action” and passiveness when interacting with Su Hyeon and how blind he was about Jae Min’s schemes. But let’s put that behavior in the larger context. Da On was neglected throughout his childhood - growing up with a father who was addicted to gambling and a passive mother who did nothing to help her family, as his sister said - just lying down crying. It’s obvious he did not receive much love and support growing up. He did not have healthy relationships examples, hence for him it’s hard to judge what is good or bad, appropriate, real care and manipulation etc. No one knows what is right, you learn by experiencing it. If he never experienced real care, how would he know if what he receives is right or not?

For specific “relationships” - Su Hyeon is not some random dude that showed up i Da On’s life and right away turned aggressive. He was his beloved hyung during university. They knew each other for 7-8 years. He liked him. From the flashbacks we can see he was pushy, borderline disregarding Da On’s feelings (the library scene with the ring would be a good example), but it was never aggressive in the past and knowing Da On liked him, it might even be seen as a possessive flirting. He was someone who protected Da On. But he was also someone Da On never thought he could have, since he was in a “relationship” with Jae Min. And then he was gone after that “beating a guy up" moment. Probably without much explanation. He never got a real closure. He saw someone who was taking care of him almost kill a man, and then he was gone.

And now he is back all angry, aggressive, possessive and with so much actual power over Da On’s life. He is not someone you can just say: fuck off, because the consequences might be: you losing your job, you being completely blacklist from the industry you work in, someone getting serious hurt or even potentially killed. Su Hyeon is not some ugly ass bitch that hit on Da On in a bar, someone he can reject and move on with his life. Su Hyeon is someone with great social, economical and emotional power over Da On. So from Da On’s perspective, with his lack of support system in literally all areas of his life, all he can do is de-escalate while trying to keep Su Hyeon in check so he won’t cross the line too far. He was not completely passive, agreeing to each and all Su Hyeon’s requests and demands. He set as much of a boundary as he could at any given moments - sometimes it was telling him no when they were in public place and Su Hyeon could not hurt him, but sometimes when they were alone, it was being passive, because he knows how aggressive and fucking nuts Su Hyeon can be when he does not get what he wants.

And that’s why he did not try to push away Su Hyeon when he forced that kiss on him in the beginning of episode 6. Because the consequences might have been worse than said kiss. He is traumatized by Su Hyeon's past and current behavior. He cannot predict when he will lash out next time, and how it will end. Many victims of sexual assault do not fight their abuser out of fear of the escalation. It’s still not their fault, they were still assaulted. Being passive out of fear is not consent.

Moving on to his “situationship” with Jae Min. Initially he just admired him. Jae Min was kind and helpful hyung who was the first person in his life that offered him help, who seemed more interested in just making sure he improves and is in a good place, than gaining anything from it (free tutoring being the case). By all means he was the tiny part of normalcy in Da On’s life. For the longest time the only friend. Jae Min is extremely good at hiding his true nature. There was no reason for Da On to suspect anything. But since Jae Min always treated Da On as just a friend, he moved on with his romantic feelings - and started to like Su Hyeon. From Da On’s perspective, not much happened or changed even when Jae Min was “dating” Su Hyeon. He still admired Jae Min, he was this constant part of his life. When something seemed wrong between Jae Min and Su Hyeon, he was on Jae Min’s side, even when he liked Su Hyeon. Jae Min was the good part of his life.

I can easily see how his feelings started to grow after Su Hyeon left. He was left with Jae Min and Jae Min alone in his life. And I’m sure Jae Min made sure it was the case for years. After what happened with Su Hyeon, I’m sure he made sure to not make the mistake of letting Da On get close to anyone else. So Jae Min was literally all Da On had. And he never did anything wrong. Not once. But maybe he did? It’s obvious he crossed the boundary Da On tried to set countless times. How Da On told him not to get involved with his family, and Jae Min kept doing that. And it made Da On feel so in debt and guilty. And that made him feel like he is connected to Jae Min even more. And Da On had no one in his life to call Jae Min’s actions out. To question the validity of his “help” and the true goals he might have. To show Da On how sneaky and manipulative he is.

But also, even if someone did, I don’t think Da On would listen. Why? Because Jae Min was the only person in his life that cared for him, stayed with him, and did not leave. Turning his back on Jae Min would mean being completely alone, and being alone is fucking scary.

And that leads me to why Da On had no issue pushing Jae Min off of him when Jae Min kissed him - because he never, not once saw Jae Min being aggressive. He never feared him. He had no reason to think pushing Jae Min away might put him or someone else in danger. It’s not like Da On did not push away Su Hyeon coz he liked the kiss, and Jae Min coz he did not. He just felt more safe to react in one situation compared to the other.

And then we have Seong Hyeon who showed up and Da On was “confronted” with what true selflessness means, true care and genuine feelings. And that’s when he slowly started to see that what was between him and Su Hyeon and him and Jae Min was just wrong. That’s when he started to set boundaries. That’s when he for the first time told Jae Min “no”. Because he experienced what a healthy friendship/relationship should be like. BUT you cannot just change your personality in one day. The bad habits and the passiveness caused by neglect, manipulation and trauma does not go away just because you were confronted with them. He takes tiny steps to improve his situation, but also himself. He falls back into bad coping mechanisms out of fear. Because change and healing takes time.

And that’s why he tries to push Seong Hyeon away, because at the moment it is the only way he knows how to protect him. He does not understand quite yet that Seong Hyeon truly likes him. He does not want him to be hurt, simply coz he feels pity for Da On and wants to help him. So he willingly locks himself in the cage with the abuser, and leaves Seong Hyeon safe, outside of it. He is yet to understand that he could lock the abuser, while stepping out of the cage himself. Tho from the end of episode 6, we might see actual progress in that area so yey!

Anyway, Da On is a dude that experienced a lot of trauma and neglect, had no examples of healthy relationships in his life, had all the burden of supporting himself and also worrying about his siblings. He was a young guy who, as far as I see it, was groomed by two influential seniors into an easily manipulated and put in place possession. He was in that cage for years (7+, with Jae Min probably longer since they met when Da On was still preparing for university). You cannot heal, move on and set strict boundaries in a day. I honestly think he actually does so much better in this situation than the MAJORITY of people would. No matter how I see him, I do not think he is weak. The fact he did not break down yet for me proves he is strong. He just needs some guidance, be confronted with good experiences and behaviors to see how bad his situation is, so he can make a conscious choice to leave.

He was controlling, gaslighting and manipulating Da On for 11 years lol He paid a guy to get Da On drunk, assault him potentially and take revealing pictures of him. He paid a guy to harass Da On's sister at work and from what Su Hyeon was saying, has people keep tabs on Su Hyeon, Da On and probably Da On's family. With guy like that there is no wake up call, there is only escalation. I am sure it's Jae Min who kidnapped Da On. I said it in other comments but for me it looks like he kidnapped him to kill him and commit suicide.

oh i read the synopsis of episode 8, i know who gets stabbed, This is not the ending I predict but the ending I want hahaha

My perfect ending 🤡

Jae Min kidnaps Da On because he wants to kill him and then commit suicide as a way to keeping him for himself forever. Fucked up, I know.
Seong Hyeon and Su Hyeon find out about it. Su Hyeon, as he always is, focuses on his anger not safely of Da On and like an idiot attacks Jae Min. They fight. He kills Jae Min "by an accident", oops.

On the other hand Seong Hyeon focuses on Da On, as he always did. Frees him and takes him away. They call the police. Police arrests Su Hyeon. He rots in jail, forced to receive psychological and psychiatric evaluation and treatment.

Seong Hyeon and Da On live happily ever after without psychos around them. On weekends they meet with Da On's sister and Seong Hyeon's grandma in the bakery and they make this tiny happy family.

The end 🔥

I don't think Su Hyeon was in on the kidnapping. While Su Hyeon was willing to "share" Da On, and even loose him as long as everyone else also loses him (hence he suggested working together with Jae Min to separate Seong Hyeon), Jae Min was never up for any sharing.

I honestly think Jae Min kidnapped Da On alone and he is planning to kill him and commit suicide. That would be my guess.

One does not exclude the other. Of course he loved how much Da On adored him. He wanted to be the only and the most important person in Da On's life. He wanted to be in full control. But the deeper the relationship it, the less control you have, the harder it is to hide your true nature.

and if it was just about what you said he would not then try to in episode 6 tell Da On he loves him and wants to be with him - because he would end up with what you said he did not want "If they had been in a relationship, he wouldn't have had those feelings that were most important to him.

not me living in this comment section.
I'm just refreshing waiting for more new comments 😂

He has 11 years of Jae Min being his safe place, protector, the only one who stayed with him no matter one, the one that helped him get some freedom from his family. And the this against one crazy night. Logically this was so nuts he should know better to cut the contant, but emotionally he would rationalize the shit out of what happened, because it makes no sense for him.

My comment was more about this part of your comment: "This is totally bad writing." because I don't see how something that is consistent for the character, logical for the context of the show and follow well established pattern of behavior is a bad writing. + taking into consideration it actually matches the behavior someone who was isolated and manipulated, to some extend abused and groomed for years.

But that can also kind of help you understand Da On. You were not abused by the friend, but just saw how bad her situation was. It affected you negatively a lot And yet... it took you so long to prioritize yourself and your well being, before you cut her off. Even when we ourself are not directly in an abusive situation, we might struggle with cutting people off who drag us into one.

I had similar thought: if Su Hyeon and Jae Min were not fucked up, this would be a good poly relationship 😂

But you have to protect your own peace at times. < this. Give support as much as you can, not more. If someone else's relationship starts to affect you negatively too, you won't be able to help them anyway. It's just one more person suffering. At best you can tell then, that it's too much for you and you need to remove yourself from that situation, but if they ever decide to truly leave, you will be there to support them.

In your case tho, cutting her off completely out of your life was for you a good choice. Painful, but correct. In your 20s you truly could not do more, and it became a dangerous situation for you too.

I did more reflection on this show and characters than my own mental health 🤡

that would be ✨iconic✨

I write a rather lengthy analysis of all the characters, Jae Min included and I talk about it.

To quote myself:
"Then Su Hyeon showed up and started to win Da On over. Jae Min was losing control over the situation. Hence the contract. But that plan, even tho it worked at that moment, was also what limited his actions later on. People asked why he did not accept Da On’s confession. Well, where would it lead then? Su Hyeon would be pissed and tell the truth. That contract is not something he would be able to easily explain to Da On. It was a potential trigger and risk that could lead to Da On cutting him off of his life. He made his calculations and he saw how it was not worth the risk. I think it;s extremely important to understand he doesn't love Da On. He is obsessed over possessing him. It’s not the same."

Also, keeping relationship platonic is easier. It;s easier to keep his perfect persona, he does not risk break up etc.

If you want to read the whole thing:
https://kisskh.at/discussions/723559-secret-relationship/139286-understanding-the-characters-my-subjective-take

I got angry with her and cut her off. < and this is a healthy reaction. You cannot force someone out of toxic relationship, they need to willingly leave on their own. But sometimes it takes year. Da On literally just a few days ago found out a dude that was the perfect part of his life is a full on psycho. It would take me a moment to even start processing it, not to mention accept it 🥲

Okay guys, it's obviously Jae Min who kidnapped Da On. Su Hyeon would never go full psycho, because he still has many things that limit him and things he fears - especially his family and his father. He acted out as much as he could with the external restrictions he had.

On the other hand the only restrictions Jae Min has are the ones he placed on himself. He acted as this model teacher, great friend, cool hyung - perfect man, because it was advantageous for him. He controlled himself, because it was worth it. But now that he lost control over Da On, keeping that perfect persona is useless, he let go of all the restrictions he placed on himself, and now nothing is stopping him from going full loco.

Hence, yes it's Jae Min who kidnapped Da On. I'd say the last wish on the tree was Jae Min's too. And the kidnapping's end result is supposed to be murder and suicide.

Here's the thing - he is not the reason all that shit is happening to him, but he is responsible for dealing with it since it is his life. And I think taking into circumstances how long he has been in that toxic relationship with the two dudes, he is doing great. Small steps, sometimes he backtracks, but he is making a massive progress - slow, but meaningful. But people want him to just be on the finish line right now, when the healing and cutting these toxic relationships often a long process.

11 years actually. He was still in last year of high school when Jae Min started to tutor him.

Yeah he said he wanted to be free, and then he acted against it. Almost like... a victim of prolonged abuse? 🥲 You know... how wifes stay with their abusive husbands, sometimes even after they start abusing the kids? When you are groomed for so long, you do not quite perceive relationships, dangers etc in a normal healthy manner.