Kate

anger management classes is not enough, he needs individual and group therapy and probably some meds at the beginning 🙂

I cannot convince you of anything because I have no idea what you are talking about 😅 I never watched Avatar lol 🤡 But I'll believe your word 🤣

It's not like he is a poor dude who cannot afford therapy 😅

I am honestly quite amaze how much depth this drama was able to present and how complex the characters are with such a short length.

really long comment of my analysis pt 3
analyzing the abusive emotional toddler Su Hyeon.

Oh god, time for Kim Su Hyeon. I’m already exhausted lol

Let’s start with his background, since just like in Da On’s case, it’s extremely important to understand his correct personality and behavior.

He grew up in an abusive household. Probably both emotionally (that we know for sure based on his conversation with his father and mother) and physically (I highly doubt he was not hit when he was growing up, if his father was so casual about pointing a gun at him). So this is what he learned about relationships and social interactions. I would not be surprised if the father abused all the members of his family, his mother included. He never learned emotional regulation, from whom? He learned that the “appropriate” reaction is anger. What he learned from a young age is - you either control and own people, or they control and own you. He does not understand partnership. You are either on top, or people walk all over you. There is no cooperation, there is only control.

What’s more - because his emotional needs were never met, and no one cared about them, he had to prioritize them himself. And now he is egocentric and completely lacks insight into what other people think and feel. I think that’s one of the more interesting aspects of his character that is especially clear when he interacts with Seong Hyeon.

The end of episode 5 and the whole episode 6 was a perfect example of it.
“What do I do? He’s asking me to go in with him”. Why he said it? Because he wanted Seong Hyeon to feel jealous, To feel like he lost Da On. Make it seem like Da On chose Su Hyeon. Because this is what he would feel in this situation and this is what would make him angry. Why? Because he would not be able to see Da On’s fear, he would ignore how for any normal person Da On did not willingly choose him out of love. He would completely ignore Da On and his existence as a person. He would only focus on his own feelings and the fact he “lost” something. Something was taken away from him. While Seong Hyeon’s anger comes from worry over Da On’s safety, not jealousy. More than wanting Da On to choose him and stay with him, he just wants Da On not to go with Su Hyeon because he is scared he will hurt him. Su Hyeon thinks only about his feelings, his egocentrism makes it impossible for him to understand that other people might perceive the situation differently, might have different motivations than him. So he acts, says and reacts in accordance with how he himself would feel and think in any given situation.

It’s exactly the same during the “meeting” when he tells Da On “Leave work with me later”. Da On is just a tool here to assert Su Hyeon’s dominance. He is not a person in Su Hyeon’s eyes in that scene, he is his possession. His shining toy he “won” and now is annoying Seong Hyeon with. He said “leave work with me” not because he wanted to spend time with him, he said it to hurt and anger Seong Hyeon. And he is dumb enough to think he actually won and achieved what he wanted. He recognizes anger, it’s a feeling he knows quite well. But he cannot comprehend that Seong Hyeon’s anger comes from his care and worry over Da On, not the jealousy of him being with someone else.

And him being so egocentric is exactly why it was so easy for Jae Min to manipulate him. Because Jae Min is actually really good at understanding people - he understand their emotions, he just does not give a fuck about them. He knew exactly what to say to Su Hyeon to push him to do whatever he needed to be done.

Why did Su Hyeon agree to that fucked up contract? Because he completely failed at understanding Da On’s feelings. Him and Jae Min are quite similar in one aspect - both to some extent see any and all relationships as transactions, the mix of pros and cons. They view them from a business perspective. So he could either agree to the contract and keep Da On in his life, or not agree (while thinking Da On likes Jae Min) and potentially lose Da On completely. The choice was rather simple. For us, normal people this is such a bullshit situation, but for someone who grew up seeing how any and all relationships are about potential gains and profits (since this is how his family works), this was not as wild and ridiculous as it would be for literally any other person.

Jae Min knows Su Hyeon’s default reaction to anything is anger and he used it on every turn. And Su Hyeon played along without knowing.

You know the simplistic view on different types of reactions to danger: Fight, Flight, Freeze? Su Hyeon is in constant fight mode when faced with someone who is weaker than him. And that works for both actual physical danger, but also subjectively perceived emotional danger. For him Da On being “taken away” is the danger of losing the person he thinks he loves. Fighting is the only thing he learned growing up. He had nowhere to “flight” since his family was too powerful for him to run away, freezing would mean losing and being abused more. So he fought, and now he is fighting. Coz that’s all he knows.

He does not know how to make someone want to stay with him, but he knows how to make them fear leaving him. He understands fear, because that’s how he was raised. So when Da On sets boundaries, for him it means he wants to cut him off, so he reacts with anger and intimidates Da On, because that’s the only way he knows how to make him stay. He is so emotionally inept he can easily convince himself Da On still has feelings for him, that he chose to stay with him, and not that he was forced to do that. He is so focused on his feelings alone, he is simply incapable of understanding others. Which only makes him more angry. Because it’s hard to control people when you do not understand their motivations. Fear works on him, so he assumes fear works on everyone else. So he uses his anger to make them scared.

So, by all means Su Hyeon is a social and emotional idiot. But he is also abusive and aggressive. He is not a child, he needs to own up to his abusive behavior and “mistakes”. While his current mental state is not completely his fault, it is his responsibility.

Analysis of Da On: https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21169602
Analysis of Jae Min: https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21170638

1. SH was sure Da On likes Jae Min when the contract was proposed.
2. JM did not accept the confession because it was outside of his well controlled relationship with Da On and it also could trigger SH to spill the tea about the contract which could lead to him losing DDa On completely.

for 3, you can check my analysis of JM character, coz it;s a bit complex 😅
https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21170638

I hope some people who are really harsh on Da On wil, be able to understand his character a little bit more with this 🙂

he is so egocentric it's on a toddler level of understanding other people's emotions and motivations 🤡

Glad I could help 😅 I actually have a lot of fun writing these analysis

But I think judging Seonghyeon's character so far, I would say he was angry because he was helpless in that situation < this! I'm writing analysis over Suhyeon character right now and this is one of the scenes I talk about. How Suhyeon completely fails at understanding others. He thinks he makes Seonghyeon angry coz he is jealous. While Seonghyeon is angry because he cannot do anything in this situation to help Da On.

he is so fucked up, but that's what makes him an interesting character 🤡😅

I like to think I did a decent job explaining Jae Min's logic in my comment about his character, if you care checking out 😅
https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21170638

If a drama makes me written essay long comments, it's at least entertaining 🔥
But yeah, I am actually surprised how good this show is with the limited resources they had and how short it is.

really long comment of my analysis pt 2
this time I talk about our local Psycho Jae Min.

I feel like many people do not understand Sin Jae Min, which is good for you, means you are normal 🙂 By all means, majority of people should not understand the “logic” behind his actions. But let me explain some shit.

He is not normal. While I cannot diagnose him based on the few scenes, he for sure is a good example of someone with personality along lines of dark triad (narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy). I know we all call him psychopath, but I do feel he falls closer to Machiavellianism with a dash of narcissism. Putting aside terminology, let’s focus on specific behaviors and his reasoning for them.

First of all, he loves being in control. That’s why he surrounded himself with weak or hurt people who are easily manipulated and controlled. Da On based on his lack of support and parental neglect was a perfect victim for him. A perfect possession to have. Su Hyeon with his complete lack of emotional control and retrospection, also growing up in an abusive family is a perfect tool to use. Even the few dudes he used for his scheme were clearly shown as people who were in a vulnerable situation - mostly financially, and Jae Min used that to make them do what he wanted. For him life is a game when, and he wants to win, whatever it takes.

I also think the aspect of control was the reason he kept Da On as a friend rather than boyfriend. Initially he probably did not have any strong feelings/obsessions about Da On. Then Su Hyeon showed up and started to win Da On over. Jae Min was losing control over the situation. Hence the contract. But that plan, even tho it worked at that moment, was also what limited his actions later on. People asked why he did not accept Da On’s confession. Well, where would it lead then? Su Hyeon would be pissed and tell the truth. That contract is not something he would be able to easily explain to Da On. It was a potential trigger and risk that could lead to Da On cutting him off of his life. He made his calculations and he saw how it was not worth the risk. I think it;s extremely important to understand he doesn't love Da On. He is obsessed over possessing him. It’s not the same.

And usually what it takes is manipulation. He makes sure he does not get his hands dirty if there is a different way to achieve his goals. And if he cannot, he makes sure the other person’s hands are as dirty as his, so they won’t spill the truth. The contract between him and Su Hyeon was a mutual agreement he achieved by making Su Hyeon believe Da On likes him, not Su Hyeon. Making him unsure to the point he would rather take the stupid deal than potentially lose Da On.

He used the other guy in the university to put Da On in a dangerous situation to 1: provoke Su Hyeon to act in an aggressive way (which would scare Da On and potentially make him move away from Su Hyeon) and also to scare Da On from trusting people and interacting with others. Keeping Da On vulnerable, scared and not willing to open up to others was the goal.

In the present timeline, why did he tell Su Hyeon about how close Da On is to Seong Hyeon? It was not out of understanding how Su Hyeon feels since they both like Da On. He wanted Su Hyeon to react badly, become more aggressive, and potentially hurt Seong Hyeon. Why? Because that would solve all his issues - Da On would push Seong Hyeon away to protect him from Su Hyeon, and hate Su Hyeon even more because of his behavior. That would leave Da On yet again alone and vulnerable, exactly how Jae Min wants him to be, so he can show up and be “good protecting hyung” saving him from the situation he himself orchestrated.

If I had to guess why he hurt Da On’s sister, I’d say he wanted to use that opportunity to get close to Da On again. Da On’s weakness is his family, especially his sister. Up till now, he did not reject Jae Min’s help because it was also helping his sister. They were in an awkward situation because of that confession and he needed a serious external factor that would force them to move away from it. He would show up as a savior to help his sister, help the person Da One cares about a lot, he wanted to create a situation where Da On would not be able to reject his help and “care”.

His goal is not to be with Da On, is to own him, isolate him from other people, and have control over his life. That’s why he was able to “be friends” instead of risking a relationship. Friendships are more stable, easier to control, easier to maintain. It’s all about pros and cons and calculations.

I think we can all agree he lacks empathy. Completely. He is remorseless and goal oriented with disregard of morality. He has no issue hurting Da On if that means he can keep him by his side. The more hurt Da On is, the easier it is to manipulate him cosplaying as a savior. He creates a dangerous situation and then shows up to solve it. He does not care who gets hurt as long as he achieves his goal.

And that leads us to him literally stabbing himself. Why? As a means of control and emotional manipulation. I am sure many heard stories of people threatening their partners that they will kill themselves if they leave. This is the case here. I will hurt myself so you feel bad, you feel guilty, you feel obligated to take care of me. He was backed into the wall when Da On confronted him about his schemes and pushed him away, so he went to extreme lengths to keep Da On by his side - even if it meant hurting himself. He did it to regain control over the situation. To force Da On to stay. It was not emotional breakdown, it was an emotionless cold calculation and manipulation.

So yeah, he is batshit crazy and if you do not understand him and his motivation, and see no logic behind his actions, that’s a good thing in real life 👍🏻

Analysis of Da On: https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21169602
Analysis of Su Hyeon: https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21172128

I will be posting a full review after the drama ends and I will be linking all the comments I made while watching in the comment under the review 🙂

Glad to know it's helpful and not complete waste of time 🤣

His behavior needs to be viewed from the the big picture and the context of his whole life. It's easy to say he should set strict boundaries and not be passive, but if you never learned, how the fuck could you do it? 🤡

really long comment of my analysis of Da On's situation and him as a character 🥲