Kate

Yo I need help. I cannot move on from this show. I do not want it to end next week.
I wrote almost 11 pages of analysis of the 4 main characters 🤣 11 FUCKING PAGES 🤡

I summed up the plot to a friend and after I did I went - well this sounds like a full on fucked up crazy makjang. But when you actually watch the show, while it does feel crazy, it's not "Penthouse unrealistic this would never happened in a real life" crazy. It's the - well we are fucked, coz shit like that actually happens in real life crazy.

The way it's all crazy, but it all makes perfect sense and the characters are not just doing random batshit crazy shit for the sake of doing batshit crazy shit, it's all consistent from episode 1 to the end and it creates a complete picture of who each one of them is, what motivates them, what's their internal logic is.

I love this show so much 😭😭

glad it was worth the read, coz damn even I was surprised how long it got 🤡

Yeah, but when you have technically perfect green flag they are still people who say they are actually red because they are simps and have no self respect. It's like, no matter how normal and good a dude is, someone will pick random flaw and make it seem like it;s the worst thing that can happen 🤣

He respected Jae Min as a hyung, maybe at first had a tiny crush. But then at university he met Su Hyeon and actually fell in love with him. But that's when the fake dating happened, so it lead to nowhere. Su Hyeon left the country after the "beating up the dude" issue, so Da On was left under Jae Min's "care" and that's when he moved on from Su Hyeon and started to develop feelings for Jae Min.

REALLY FUCKING LONG (you've been warned) comment of my analysis pt 4
Seong Hyeon - Puppy turned Guard Dog.

🥲🌸Analysis of Da On: https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21169602
🙂🔪Analysis of Jae Min: https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21170638
👶🏻🤬Analysis of Su Hyeon: https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21172128

Posted all on forum too for easier access. Shit is long, I know 😭

First of all, I don't know what happened, but when I started writing I could not stop and here we are with 5 pages essay 🥲

I want to start with saying: there is a difference between having flaws and being abusive. Jae Min and Su Hyeon are abusive, Seong Hyeon has flaws. Sometimes I question if anything like a “green flag” even exists, because even normal people with a healthy approach, but just normal flaws are somehow red for others.

THAT SAID, I will address the elephant in the room first - which was his non-consensual kiss with Da On when Da On was completely drunk and Seong Hyeon could not be more sober. This was wrong. There are no buts. It was simply wrong. And the lack of addressing it the next day was also wrong. Do I think this situation automatically makes him a red flag? No. Do I wish it was addressed? Yes. The drama truly did nothing to make this moment more favorable towards Seong Hyeon’s behavior. Dude did not take even one shot. It’s not like one was drunk and the other tipsy. Seong Hyeon was 100% sober. Was it abuse though? No. It was one time extremely shitty behavior that crossed the boundary, because you cannot consent when you are drunk. If he was also drunk, there would be no conversation here - it would be a mutual mistake. But he was sober, so in this situation he should push Da On away and leave. And talk about it the next day. I’m honestly glad Da On said Jae Min’s name, because if he did not… where would it lead? I like to think he would stop, but who fucking knows…

Moving on to a more “holistic” approach to this double agent - Puppy who turns into Guard Dog when needed.

I think Seong Hyeon likes the idea of being a good person - it’s something he is proud of. That’s why he helps others without asking for anything in return. BUT where his flaw is - for him intentions are more important than the results. Perfect example is him “saving Da On” and ruining his watch in the process. He is honestly annoyed that his good intention of saving Da On was ignored, and the focus was on the broken watch. He does not necessarily expect anything in return, but he also does not want his good intentions and action to be presented in a bad light. He was annoyed, because Da On saw him as a busybody rather than a helpful person. He wants his efforts to be appreciated and noticed.

What’s more, I think he values kindness and decency. Basic proper social interactions. Appreciating other people's help, helping others when they struggle, listening to what the other person is saying without interruption, apologizing and accepting an apology. As I said, basic decency. And when he thinks someone does not act according to it, he can be pity as fuck about it (all the turning off AC when Da On feels cold, letting the door go when Da On enters the room). Da On summed it up quite well - he acts childish in situations like that.

But as childish as he acts, he is also extremely willing to move on from misunderstandings and clear the situation when the other person shows they will to do that too. I honestly think he just wants to live a good and happy life: having a good social circle and positive interactions are a big part of it for him. That’s why he agrees to work with Da On on the project only if the two of them will also work on improving their work relationship. I do think he always takes like half a step too far in how close he wants to get to people, but depending on whom he interacts with it might be both a flaw and a good thing. With Da On who is so guarded and honestly socially isolated (both by his own making and schemes of Jae Min), someone being more upfront is the only way to get to him.

What I also value a lot is his ability to admit to his mistakes and simply apologize. Which then leads to him actually having good communication with Da On too. Even if they say or do something wrong, they are willing to own up to their mistakes in front of each other.

I think he has a rather high sense of self-worth, but it’s not blinding his perception. He was obviously showered with love from his grandma, who is also from what we see a rather emotionally wise and stable person - and it also shows in how Seong Hyeon behaves. While Jae Min and Su Hyeon care about themselves above others, Seong Hyeon is willing to care about others more than himself when needed. Simple example: Seong Hyeon gives up bed for Da On, while he himself sleeps on the floor. Su Hyeon takes the bed, while Da On sleeps on the sofa.

What I find most important - he is actually really flexible in his reactions and behaviors. People say he cannot read the room and situations, but for me he reads it quite well. He almost always reacts in the right way even with limited knowledge he has. He knows when it makes sense to ask questions and when to lean more into comfort and distraction. I think he reacts more based on the emotion of the other person, rather than the facts of the situation. Some examples:

Episode 2 when he asks Da On to eat lunch with him (a suggestion Da On agreed to the previous day). Da On is visibly stressed and you can see something is going on. What does Seong Hyeon do when Da On says he won’t have lunch with him? He does not push. Why? Because he sees that Da On is stressed and under the weather and it’s not a good time to push. He does not get annoyed and angry that Da On did not keep his “promise”. Instead he gets worried about him. Worried that he might be sick, worried that he might not be able to eat at all. And so he gets him meds and writes a cute note. From the start he prioritized Da On’s feelings over his own.

Same episode after Da On’s father shitshow - this time he insists on eating with Da On. Because he sees how much it hurt him how everyone is gossiping about him, how everyone who complimented him now turned their backs on him. So he wants to make sure Da On knows he is not alone and that he will stand by his side. There is a huge difference between giving someone who overall has a good support system space to calm down, and giving someone who does not have the support system space. In the first case, it will let them breathe, the other will make them feel more abandoned.

Episode 3 and their movie date - he is extremely anxious and curious about Da On’s past with Su Hyeon, but he knows it’s not the right time to ask. So he tries to distract Da On with the happy chat and movie date. Because at that time distraction and comfort was what Da On needed, not more confrontation. BUT he is also assertive and gives Da On’s excuse to at least momentarily remove himself from a stressful situation - taking away his phone and turning it off when they watch the movie “since you are supposed to turn off your phone when watching a movie in cinema” - he saw Da On kept checking his phone stressed, he understood it’s not something Da On can himself just ignore, so he created a perfect external excuse for Da On to lean into.

And then we have the “Can I hold your hand? If you are not seeing anyone, can I hold your hand?”. Da On did not say yes, but he also for sure did not say no. And yeah it might seem like a consent issue, but for me it’s more about understanding that Da On is simply not a person who says yes, but someone who does not have an issue saying no. I am 100% sure, if Da On said no, or removed his hand after Seong Hyeon held it, Seong Hyeon wouldn’t try to forcefully still hold it.

Episode 5 when he asks Da On not to like Jae Min - it is a selfish ask. But he also backtracks from it the next sentence asking if he can just stay by his side. At first it might seem like a “smart manipulation” - he asked for something big, but his goal was something smaller he knew Da On would agree on after the first unreasonable ask. But for me it’s a simple reaction to what Da On was saying. Da On did not say “I don’t want to stop liking him”. He said “I am not confident in stopping” and “I’m not as good of a person as you think I am, I will most likely hurt you”. For me, he backtracks not for his own sake, but for Da On’s sake. He does not want to burden Da On and stress him more, but he also wants to make sure Da On knows he is there, and will be there whenever Da On needs him.

What’s more - he does not take away Da On’s agency, even when he thinks Da On is making a mistake. He might share his opinion, but at the end he does not try to stop him by force or manipulate him away from it. He communicates what he wants and then leaves it to Da On to decide.

As for him being a “simp” who just sits and waits for Da On no matter how much he hurts him”. Might be wild for some people, but what he is doing right now is exactly what he should be doing if he wants to be with Da On and it has nothing to do with simping, it has everything to do with understanding how Da On feels. You cannot force someone out of abusive relationships, they need to make the decision to leave themselves - whenever it’s toxic friendship, abusive household, or partner. All you can do is make sure they know you are there for them when they decide to leave so they don’t feel alone. So they know there is something/someone waiting for them outside.. Adding pressure to choose, to take action right away, to make decisions and bold choices is the quickest way for them to push you away more and completely shut down. It’s the perfect way to make sure they will in fact stay with the abuser.

I also really want to talk about the progression of his scene protecting Da On from Su Hyeon.

First time it happened was when Su Hyeon wanted to take Da On away after work (episode 3). This happened before Seong Hyeon knew or understood anything about Da On and Su Hyeon’s relationship. He just saw Da On angry and not wanting to go with Su Hyeon so he stepped into action and made a silly excuse. He was trying to de-escalate the situation rather than confront Su Hyeon. Because at that time he did not know confrontation was needed. He probably just saw it as an uncomfortable situation Da On wanted to get away from. He set a soft boundary in a polite manner without provoking Su Hyeon.

Second confrontation happened during the “office meeting” that Su Hyeon orchestrated to basically intimidate Seong Hyeon. Was Seong Hyeon intimidated? No. I think this is when Seong Hyeon starts to grasp what kind of person Su Hyeon is and he is not willing to play the games. He is confident in his answers, but still keeps it polite/proper for a working environment.

And then we have the glorious epic scene in front of Da On’s house. This time he knows Su Hyeon is not just some random guy from Da On’s past. Based on all the previous situations, he knows it’s more serious and it’s not just about Da On feeling uncomfortable, it’s about his safety. And that’s why, compared to previous situations, he does not stand on the side, he puts himself directly between Su Hyeon and Da On. And that’s when he starts to point out how out of line Su Hyeon acts.

That moment when he puts Da On behind his back more - it was a reaction to Su Hyeon threatening to harm Seong Hyeon and I think Seong Hyeon understand Da On is willing to put up with a lot to protect people he cares for, so him pushing Da On more behind his back was not only to protect him, but also a way to reassure him he does not have to give in and that Seong Hyeon is willing to stand up for him. That the threats do not work on him, and they should not on Da On. The way he stood firm and did not even blink or backed away or try to fight with more aggression when Su Hyeon grabbed his collar.

But you know what’s more important? That he is firm and does not give in to Su Hyeon, but is also not physically stopping Da On from leaving. He asked him to stay, to not go with Su Hyeon, but he does not try to actually stop him. He makes his wants perfectly clear, while also giving Da On the freedom to make that choice, even if he disagrees with it. It’s Da On’s decision and he respects it. Even if it hurts. Seong Hyeon does not lash out, just asks Da On not to leave - not because he is "choosing" a different man, but because he is scared for his safety.

Side confrontation was the asshole “university friends”. His eyes were again locked on Da On. His reaction and what he said was constructed in a way that does not make Da On look good. He had no issue being vulnerable and saying he likes Da On alone. He set the bounty of how the dudes should behave interacting with Da On. He did not argue, did not make a scene. He cleared the situation, set the bounty and right away got Da On away from that place. Why? Because Da On is his priority. “I don’t like seeing people I care about get hurt” - this is what separates him from Jae Min and Su Hyeon who have no issue not only seeing the person they “care about and like” be hurt, they also have no issue hurting that person as long as it means they can “keep him”.

Another thing is how technically both Seong Hyeon and Jae Min keep “helping” Da On without Da On asking. With Jae Min, Da On feels uncomfortable and in debt, he asks Jae Min to stop. With Seong Hyeon he feels grateful, wants to thank him, but does not tell him to stop. Why? Because Da On reacts to the unspoken intention behind the help. There are things that do not need to be said, but you can feel it. Jae Min helps because he wants Da On to feel like he owns him. While Seong Hyeon helps simply because he wants to help and he makes sure Da On understands it “I’m giving without expecting anything in return. You can always be on the receiving end.” Technically both Jae Min and Seong Hyeon verbally said something similar, and yet Da On believes only one of them. He only starts to reject Seong Hyeon's help when he tries to separate himself from him, to protect him from Su Hyeon.

Then we have the confession - be it on Da On, or the other’s side. When Da On confessed to Jae Min, Jae Min got pissed. Why? Because his focus was on how that confession hurts HIS plan. On the other hand when Seong Hyeon confessed to Da On, he told him he does not need to reply. Why? “I’m afraid he’ll feel uneasy”. His concern was Da On’s feelings about his confession, not his own situation.

Similar shit constantly happens with Su Hyeon too. Every interaction that includes Su Hyeon, Daon and Seong Hyeon we have: Su Hyeon focusing on Seong Hyeon and trying to intimidate and piss him off, and Seong Hyeon focusing on Da On, watching his reactions and emotions and trying to act accordingly to them.

At the end of the day, Seong Hyeon might be a flawed person, but he knows how to say thank you, I’m sorry. He knows how to ask for advice and how to give it. He knows how to help others and receive it himself. He does not calculate his every move, he is an open and honest book. And that honesty, transparency, but also stable force that does not budge and is willing to wait is exactly what Da On needs.

are you trying to open it on the mld app? coz I think forum was not integrated to the app yet. that's why it does not open

let me directo you to my explanation on the forum 😅 Jae Min's analysis is the 2nd one there
https://kisskh.at/discussions/723559-secret-relationship/139286-understanding-the-characters-my-subjective-take

hope it was helpful for some 😅

To be fair, some of us knew he was a psycho by episode 2 😅

For anyone who is confused about any of the character's actions or motivations, yesterday I wrote in comments rather lengthy analysis for each character and apparently it was helpful to some people so I gathered it all on forum post for easier access 😅

https://kisskh.at/discussions/723559-secret-relationship/139286-understanding-the-characters-my-subjective-take

I liked to think I did rather good job with it, but if anyone has a different take, I'm more than happy to discuss 🤡

Yep, explanations not excuses is the key here 🔥 if you know where your bad behavior come from, you can start working on fixing it. Tho I think he might be too far gone for that 😅

anger management classes is not enough, he needs individual and group therapy and probably some meds at the beginning 🙂

I cannot convince you of anything because I have no idea what you are talking about 😅 I never watched Avatar lol 🤡 But I'll believe your word 🤣

It's not like he is a poor dude who cannot afford therapy 😅

I am honestly quite amaze how much depth this drama was able to present and how complex the characters are with such a short length.

really long comment of my analysis pt 3
analyzing the abusive emotional toddler Su Hyeon.

Oh god, time for Kim Su Hyeon. I’m already exhausted lol

Let’s start with his background, since just like in Da On’s case, it’s extremely important to understand his correct personality and behavior.

He grew up in an abusive household. Probably both emotionally (that we know for sure based on his conversation with his father and mother) and physically (I highly doubt he was not hit when he was growing up, if his father was so casual about pointing a gun at him). So this is what he learned about relationships and social interactions. I would not be surprised if the father abused all the members of his family, his mother included. He never learned emotional regulation, from whom? He learned that the “appropriate” reaction is anger. What he learned from a young age is - you either control and own people, or they control and own you. He does not understand partnership. You are either on top, or people walk all over you. There is no cooperation, there is only control.

What’s more - because his emotional needs were never met, and no one cared about them, he had to prioritize them himself. And now he is egocentric and completely lacks insight into what other people think and feel. I think that’s one of the more interesting aspects of his character that is especially clear when he interacts with Seong Hyeon.

The end of episode 5 and the whole episode 6 was a perfect example of it.
“What do I do? He’s asking me to go in with him”. Why he said it? Because he wanted Seong Hyeon to feel jealous, To feel like he lost Da On. Make it seem like Da On chose Su Hyeon. Because this is what he would feel in this situation and this is what would make him angry. Why? Because he would not be able to see Da On’s fear, he would ignore how for any normal person Da On did not willingly choose him out of love. He would completely ignore Da On and his existence as a person. He would only focus on his own feelings and the fact he “lost” something. Something was taken away from him. While Seong Hyeon’s anger comes from worry over Da On’s safety, not jealousy. More than wanting Da On to choose him and stay with him, he just wants Da On not to go with Su Hyeon because he is scared he will hurt him. Su Hyeon thinks only about his feelings, his egocentrism makes it impossible for him to understand that other people might perceive the situation differently, might have different motivations than him. So he acts, says and reacts in accordance with how he himself would feel and think in any given situation.

It’s exactly the same during the “meeting” when he tells Da On “Leave work with me later”. Da On is just a tool here to assert Su Hyeon’s dominance. He is not a person in Su Hyeon’s eyes in that scene, he is his possession. His shining toy he “won” and now is annoying Seong Hyeon with. He said “leave work with me” not because he wanted to spend time with him, he said it to hurt and anger Seong Hyeon. And he is dumb enough to think he actually won and achieved what he wanted. He recognizes anger, it’s a feeling he knows quite well. But he cannot comprehend that Seong Hyeon’s anger comes from his care and worry over Da On, not the jealousy of him being with someone else.

And him being so egocentric is exactly why it was so easy for Jae Min to manipulate him. Because Jae Min is actually really good at understanding people - he understand their emotions, he just does not give a fuck about them. He knew exactly what to say to Su Hyeon to push him to do whatever he needed to be done.

Why did Su Hyeon agree to that fucked up contract? Because he completely failed at understanding Da On’s feelings. Him and Jae Min are quite similar in one aspect - both to some extent see any and all relationships as transactions, the mix of pros and cons. They view them from a business perspective. So he could either agree to the contract and keep Da On in his life, or not agree (while thinking Da On likes Jae Min) and potentially lose Da On completely. The choice was rather simple. For us, normal people this is such a bullshit situation, but for someone who grew up seeing how any and all relationships are about potential gains and profits (since this is how his family works), this was not as wild and ridiculous as it would be for literally any other person.

Jae Min knows Su Hyeon’s default reaction to anything is anger and he used it on every turn. And Su Hyeon played along without knowing.

You know the simplistic view on different types of reactions to danger: Fight, Flight, Freeze? Su Hyeon is in constant fight mode when faced with someone who is weaker than him. And that works for both actual physical danger, but also subjectively perceived emotional danger. For him Da On being “taken away” is the danger of losing the person he thinks he loves. Fighting is the only thing he learned growing up. He had nowhere to “flight” since his family was too powerful for him to run away, freezing would mean losing and being abused more. So he fought, and now he is fighting. Coz that’s all he knows.

He does not know how to make someone want to stay with him, but he knows how to make them fear leaving him. He understands fear, because that’s how he was raised. So when Da On sets boundaries, for him it means he wants to cut him off, so he reacts with anger and intimidates Da On, because that’s the only way he knows how to make him stay. He is so emotionally inept he can easily convince himself Da On still has feelings for him, that he chose to stay with him, and not that he was forced to do that. He is so focused on his feelings alone, he is simply incapable of understanding others. Which only makes him more angry. Because it’s hard to control people when you do not understand their motivations. Fear works on him, so he assumes fear works on everyone else. So he uses his anger to make them scared.

So, by all means Su Hyeon is a social and emotional idiot. But he is also abusive and aggressive. He is not a child, he needs to own up to his abusive behavior and “mistakes”. While his current mental state is not completely his fault, it is his responsibility.

Analysis of Da On: https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21169602
Analysis of Jae Min: https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21170638

1. SH was sure Da On likes Jae Min when the contract was proposed.
2. JM did not accept the confession because it was outside of his well controlled relationship with Da On and it also could trigger SH to spill the tea about the contract which could lead to him losing DDa On completely.

for 3, you can check my analysis of JM character, coz it;s a bit complex 😅
https://kisskh.at/723559-secret-relationship#comment-21170638

I hope some people who are really harsh on Da On wil, be able to understand his character a little bit more with this 🙂