Kate

My comment was more about this part of your comment: "This is totally bad writing." because I don't see how something that is consistent for the character, logical for the context of the show and follow well established pattern of behavior is a bad writing. + taking into consideration it actually matches the behavior someone who was isolated and manipulated, to some extend abused and groomed for years.

But that can also kind of help you understand Da On. You were not abused by the friend, but just saw how bad her situation was. It affected you negatively a lot And yet... it took you so long to prioritize yourself and your well being, before you cut her off. Even when we ourself are not directly in an abusive situation, we might struggle with cutting people off who drag us into one.

I had similar thought: if Su Hyeon and Jae Min were not fucked up, this would be a good poly relationship 😂

But you have to protect your own peace at times. < this. Give support as much as you can, not more. If someone else's relationship starts to affect you negatively too, you won't be able to help them anyway. It's just one more person suffering. At best you can tell then, that it's too much for you and you need to remove yourself from that situation, but if they ever decide to truly leave, you will be there to support them.

In your case tho, cutting her off completely out of your life was for you a good choice. Painful, but correct. In your 20s you truly could not do more, and it became a dangerous situation for you too.

I did more reflection on this show and characters than my own mental health 🤡

that would be ✨iconic✨

I write a rather lengthy analysis of all the characters, Jae Min included and I talk about it.

To quote myself:
"Then Su Hyeon showed up and started to win Da On over. Jae Min was losing control over the situation. Hence the contract. But that plan, even tho it worked at that moment, was also what limited his actions later on. People asked why he did not accept Da On’s confession. Well, where would it lead then? Su Hyeon would be pissed and tell the truth. That contract is not something he would be able to easily explain to Da On. It was a potential trigger and risk that could lead to Da On cutting him off of his life. He made his calculations and he saw how it was not worth the risk. I think it;s extremely important to understand he doesn't love Da On. He is obsessed over possessing him. It’s not the same."

Also, keeping relationship platonic is easier. It;s easier to keep his perfect persona, he does not risk break up etc.

If you want to read the whole thing:
https://kisskh.at/discussions/723559-secret-relationship/139286-understanding-the-characters-my-subjective-take

I got angry with her and cut her off. < and this is a healthy reaction. You cannot force someone out of toxic relationship, they need to willingly leave on their own. But sometimes it takes year. Da On literally just a few days ago found out a dude that was the perfect part of his life is a full on psycho. It would take me a moment to even start processing it, not to mention accept it 🥲

Okay guys, it's obviously Jae Min who kidnapped Da On. Su Hyeon would never go full psycho, because he still has many things that limit him and things he fears - especially his family and his father. He acted out as much as he could with the external restrictions he had.

On the other hand the only restrictions Jae Min has are the ones he placed on himself. He acted as this model teacher, great friend, cool hyung - perfect man, because it was advantageous for him. He controlled himself, because it was worth it. But now that he lost control over Da On, keeping that perfect persona is useless, he let go of all the restrictions he placed on himself, and now nothing is stopping him from going full loco.

Hence, yes it's Jae Min who kidnapped Da On. I'd say the last wish on the tree was Jae Min's too. And the kidnapping's end result is supposed to be murder and suicide.

Here's the thing - he is not the reason all that shit is happening to him, but he is responsible for dealing with it since it is his life. And I think taking into circumstances how long he has been in that toxic relationship with the two dudes, he is doing great. Small steps, sometimes he backtracks, but he is making a massive progress - slow, but meaningful. But people want him to just be on the finish line right now, when the healing and cutting these toxic relationships often a long process.

11 years actually. He was still in last year of high school when Jae Min started to tutor him.

Yeah he said he wanted to be free, and then he acted against it. Almost like... a victim of prolonged abuse? 🥲 You know... how wifes stay with their abusive husbands, sometimes even after they start abusing the kids? When you are groomed for so long, you do not quite perceive relationships, dangers etc in a normal healthy manner.

It's similar with Su Hyeon and Da On and people wanting them to be together,. I feel like a lot of people focus on the good parts, the cute flashbacks, and kind of ignore all the fucked up shit that happened and how much of an impact it might have especially since Da On was influenced by them since his young age, when his personality was still forming. The time when he finally was able to start exploring himself at university he started to be isolated by these two.

I'm just here to remind people that Da On was groomed for 11 years by Jae Min, became co-dependant on a fucking unhealthy level. He lost his own identity and had no idea how he can even live without Jae Min. Jae Min was one of the few, if not the only truly good part (from his point of view) of his life since he was teenager. No, it's not lazy writing that he decided to meet Jae Min for the last time when he said he is leaving, even after all the shit with stabbing. Ever heard of victims of abuse lying to police about tripping, instead of telling the truth that they were beaten up? Or telling people that it was their fault they were abused, and that the abuser is not that bad? Them willingly going back over and over again?

Guys, 11 fucking years. and 6-7 of these years was literally just Jae Min in his life. Being there in every part of Da On's life. Just because the character makes a lot of frustrating choices that "normal" people cannot understand coz we would never do that, does not mean it's internally illogical for the character and is a sign of bad writing.

I mean he was groomed for 11 years... He is not changing in one day. I am sure he is still processing it all, probably in a massive denial too.

Did the docs have NO mental health concerns?? M fairly sure you cannot force someone to stay in the hospital by force. Maybe if he attempted suicide and was truly close to dying. Which was not the case here. At best they could direct him to a psychiatric consultation, but he can say no, and he for sure would.

i did post the screenshots on feeds when it happened, I do need to dig them out of my feeds hell tho 😅

Jae Min for sure would do more than Su Hyeon, coz he has less restrictions. no matter how much he would want to do, he is still scared of his family and would "stay in line" out of fear.
Only limits placed on Jae Min are the ones he placed on himself and we see he is kind of giving up of them too.

facts 💯. I don;t even need a green flag, just a normal dude 🤣🤣🤣🤣

as far as I see the drama, he was never sane 🤡