swagata

Hmm. But lot of people who make bl are straight as well. Plus it's ayden that i am wanting to see. His acting touched me.whether he goes seprate ways of together as long as i am seeing him in future works that is ok with me.

Ikr. That's why the whole trope of "he fell first and he fell harder" is scary. The person who loves more suffers the most. That person gives more effort, more sacrifices and more pain whenever separation happens.

It hurted me so much when I saw lufeng just sitting in hospital wheelchair. Lost his spark and just remembering his xiao chen. All he life he just wanted his xiao chen beside him. Only that one person who always pushed him so hard. Always disappeared.

I want special ep for this seeing their happy life.

Why? Are they not going to do any projects together anymore?

Me too. The way they used to be together has just struck in my head. They were each other's world that time. So much warmth and I can actually not forget the way lufeng feng smiled and looked at yichen during that time....so innocent.

Ayden's acting was top notch.

I am still not ready to part with this drama. Although flawed this drama is perfect in its own way. I will miss Ayden's acting till his future project.

How china always produces a drama that stays with u either in traumatic way or in healthier way. This drama is my fav drama of the year.

I hope listening to "My love" and "Love songs that nobody cares about" and rewatching their sweet moments heal me...

Also u are not alone. I was also the victim of depression and constant panic attacks. Yichen was there for lufeng. But in my case people used to make fun of me that i am acting.There were days when I just wanted to die and tried lot of ways....I had to go through treatment and medicine. But more than that my body stopped working it's normal functioning. I didn't felt like getting up. Always feeling empty and drained no matter how much i sleep. After lot of care and treatment i surpassed that stage. But yeah whenever I still think about that phase of my life I feel like my whole body is trembling to harm myself...i still have to control myself a lot.

Much love and support to u. I hope u get better.
Also i am so grateful that people are coming out with their issues. Earlier mental health was regarded as nothing and going or seeking help means u are mad...glad that our generation and upcoming generation is healing this thing. We genz are glad that we are able to get series like this now in our times and prioritise our mental health as well. Because in our previous generation just suffered with no one to understand and ultimately most of them just took their life...

In drama as well they showed this part. Where yichen dreamt of lufeng commiting suicide if he didn't get cured or not go after treatment.

Although i don't know how it feels but ig these kind of situation requires so much love from family...

It's tragic....I wish no one gets separated from their love because of society.

I love this drama adaptation more. Novel lufeng was crazy....i can't imagine happy ending of him. Drama made some serious changes for which i am grateful. Because it helped me love lufeng even a bit..

Anyways it's very hard to live with a person who has bipolar disorder. I don't know how it works and what cause this. But definitely it's not easy for both the patient and their family.

It's hard to understand if their actions are coming out of aggression or it actually is coming from mental problems. Getting diagnosed is hard and for patient to accept the truth also is hard.
It need constant effort from patient, family, doctors to be understand the root cause, heal, how and what to do when episode triggers. It's painful. Idk if bipolar disorder can be cured or not. But it's definitely not an easy task.

Also the way in series, doctor stopped yichen to go towards lufeng when he was having episode, when lufeng was dying to see his xiao chen, when he was just sitting in the garden and remembering his xiao chen...if i as s viewer got so much pain by watching i can't imagine about yichen or the people who actually see their loved ones like this.....

This series dealt a lot of issues homophobia, bipolar disorder, deep love causing deep pain due to society, societal pressure of marrying to a women when u are gay, rape, torture and unsupportive parents, on and off situation tiredness from ur partner....to be able to write and show this much in 12 ep series must be hard.

I just have one doubt. Lufeng bipolar disorder came because of yichen constant on and off situation with him? Because no matter what his relationship with yichen was sooo good in school days. I guess their constant separation caused this.

Plus, i just wish nothing but them a happy life ahead in fictional world. Making good and happy memories only. Staying together for a lifetime. Just give me extra or special ep for that. Because after these much torture we deserve one. I just want to see lufeng smiling and giving the lovely eyes to yichen like in school days to heal me. Because even now in ep12 till the end I was missing that.

Watching and rewatching ep1-2 and 11-12 for therapy

I guess he was trying to control his obsession and in order to avoid hurting yichen. He just bite his own hand to control it.

I am crying.....love can really make a person bipolar and it can cure it as well. The way I was crying ugly because of lufeng....the way he showed restraint. He realised his sickness and the way he was scared that yichen will leave him again. It's all about lufeng in my head. This story never existed if lufeng never loved yichen this much.

The way it was hurting lufeng and yichen both during treatment. I was hurting too as an audience. The way after release from hospital lufeng said "i wanted to give u happiest smile in the world.but i don't know how happiness looks like" my heart wrenched. The way yichen also took effort to dress up like school days, plugging one earphone in his ear and other in lufeng like school days, the way lufeng was missing yichen like crazy during his treatment, the way yichen reassured him that he will not leave him and give him kisses.

When yichen asked " what u want to do most rn" and lufeng ans " i want to go back to past" and the way yichen took him to school and met fortune teller....their love found the round trip. It came to the same point after circling...trust me I cried a lot..... because as a viewer i got attached and I was constantly seeking the good lovey dovey vibes of ep1 and 2. And lufeng and yichen missed those moments exactly and want to go again and again there is something that proves how much they loved each other during that time.

Lufeng looked like he is soo unhappy and he is dying each second despite yichen being with him after hospital release. I was not able to see him sad...but yichen's video recording gesture made him feel happy. The way this time lufeng prioritised his yichen's wish to be in top I loved it. The way he just said I wish u were small so that I can take u everywhere with me and yichen said the same...showed they are still obsessed with each other but now in healthier way....

The way story got changed from novel about bipolar disorder from novel and they seek treatment is life changing.....

I get it why ayden said his fav ep is 11 and 12...and trust me for me as a viewer after ep1-2, ep 11-12 is the best.

Thank you all the crew members, ayden and si tong to give this story to us...

Now who all want to hate here...can hate...go ahead.

Omg the words that user used. It's totally unacceptable. That user asked for ans while sharing opinion and when we responded. This is how a person reply back if u don't have a valid point to support ur point? Did that user forgot that this is no instagram? And here while sharing opinion we should use a proper language. Calling names, using abusive language?

Hypocrisy at its limit. Let it be. If a person don't know how to respect a person's privacy and what counts as crossing boundaries then that person need proper schooling. As simple as that.

Someone literally said that i don't have a job. Really? Never thought MDL is a place like an instagram or a place to personally attack someone on their life. I can take it as a compliment that despite having 12-14 hour job with studies. I am in a sane mind to write my emotions and long paragraphs enough qualified to be book writer. 😅

Insecurity/ Also strength added- I write long paragraphs. I hope next time in exam I can stretch 2 lines for a 5 mark ques...😂😂

Again being personal. Listen I have a job apart from being a student. I would take it as a compliment that I can write a book. Because u obviously can't. Idk about u and ur job. But ig ur job is to hate someone who has different opinions than u.

U should read some research papers on this. I have seen lot of yt videos on this. As per research, majority of people who watch these genre are people who just want to experience diff emotions, life. They in real life are not like that. They are instead opposite. I don't know how much of these are true. So I will not claim it as a fact. But yeah. I do get ur concern that what if people who are watching also think like this. It's scary to know but u can't make a judgement based on just one show.

One thing u said why people are promoting? If this was a straight drama it would have cancelled. Ur concern comes as a valid point only when show depicts that this kind of behavior is ok. If there is no character development. If there is no one to say that hey wait this is wrong in series. That would be scary. But this series never portrayed all these rape, imprisonment, never promoted not having consent is not wrong, not portraying that lufeng is an acceptable character, not portraying he is ok and this is how love should be. To me that's a very very valid reason that you can watch toxic drama as long as story shows this kind of people and behaviour is problematic. And one should never fall for it in real life and specially without character development. It's a big no no no no.

One thing is also that sometimes toxic dramas are imp to be made. Not just because to serve certain section of society. But because they are kind of there to educate us. That see this is toxic, see this is not acceptable, see this is wrong... otherwise if we don't watch or filmmakers don't make these kind of stories how would anyone know that hey this is wrong?

Also I would like to conclude with the fact that I am a girl and all my life i have seen cases and taught that in love one can chase a girl, if someone is loving u with this intensity u should accept the torture of being abused, violated. I mean we are still fighting for basic rights like domestic violence, dowry. Whats more some people in my country say if u have bf so how can they rape? Marital rape is not even considered as a crime in my country. Having this bg I feel grateful to this series as it portrays exactly what we need...we need strict laws about same sex relationship, their protection, the acknowledgement and awareness that men can be raped and bring laws for that. This is foundation so that when laws are getting discussed in parliament we raise the point to include same sex rape also.

Promotion of series is not linked with promotion of crimes portrayed in the series. I hope u understand that.

True love is forgiveness. True. But if one just forgive and other don't change their way then it's better to let go. Here finally lufeng is changing so it's all worth it. I can't cancel out what he has done but their love is that deep to let go of their past and start new. Lufeng perseverance and sincerity won heart of yichen but it have him pain as well. But , lufeng is making sure that he handle yichen with care and not let his sincerity take form of hurt and pain. So it's worth it.

Ep 11 is the best ep almost at par with ep1-2. The way lufeng showed restraint and asked him " if u want I can never show u my face","say that u don't love me. Say that u despise me, say that u don't want to see me". He showed how much it's hurting him to let go of yichen but he chose to respect yichen's will for the first time . Yichen pov was showed in this ep that although he gave lufeng cold shoulder he never denied to not to meet him....

The scene in rain where yichen was running towards lufeng. Towards love of his life..the scene where he put ring on his finger. That scene made me feel yaaay finally. Finally he chose lufeng.

When they met the way they were drying each other, those glances. Lufeng just seeing yichen and wanting to etch his face in his heart again.

They shared one bed and one pillow just like in their school times. But diff being that they on school days while sharing same bed they became close with each other physically by moving their head towards each other. This time they had emotional distance and wanting for strong affirmation both in their heart and with each other to not hurt, choose each other and time to sort out feelings. This time while sharing bed while both were wearing rings. When lufeng tried to hold his hand with yichen. Yichen slide his hand away. Old lufeng would have still grabbed his hand and hold his hand. New lufeng let it go. Showing restraint and for the first time maybe consent.

Then in steak dinner, I knew it lufeng remembered old times because as a viewer i also remembered the same.

Then the way yichen felt sad about lufeng encounter with the person whom he brought to make yichen jealous again let yichen ques his position in lufeng heart. And the way after dropping home, lufeng car just drove away so fast he felt unstable in his heart. The way lufeng was showing restraint, he was questioning his love. He was questioning why he is not behaving like old lufeng asking to be in relationship, asking to be with him a longer. Then he heard lufeng Convo with ke luo. He thought lufeng don't want him there. Feeling unwanted and sad he just left.

Yichen and his old habit of disappearing without telling lufeng.

Then just like old times, when first time they got intimated in school days and yichen after being sad just went into the road and sit on the roadside. Lufeng coming to him searching all the way. This time also they re enacted the same way.

For the first time yichen's word and his actions matched to be with lufeng. He told. He himself first reach out to lufeng that he want to be with lufeng. That he chose lufeng.

Ayden ayden ayden what about actor u are. The way he reacted.Really? It's like am i dreaming? Or am I misinterpreting? Then when again yichen asked. Lufeng will be like Really? are u telling truth? Then again yichen asked this time lufeng was like Really? Can u please say it again? Then when yichen asked again? Lufeng will be like Really? Can we be finally together? We are going to be together? He was happy and ayden portrayed so well.

Old lufeng would directly jump on yichen for kiss or intimacy. New lufeng just cuddled and remembered the old times. Stealing kisses. Admiring yichen's presence and face.

I have to say. Lufeng did planned all. New house so that yichen don't remember the past. Paired shoes. Room designed specifically for him. To avoid yichen remember his past.

The way got intimate. Lufeng saw yichen's resistance and asked if yichen is afraid of him.He didn't want to force him. Old lufeng didn't showed this much respect towards the yichen's consent. They way this time yichen pulled him into kiss. So that lufeng don't think in that way. The way they kissed each other so consuming in love. The way they touched each other their facial features and body marks. Handled their kisses showed how much lufeng treasure yichen's body. He changed so much.

The way yichen was saying "yi chen, yi chen" lufeng was scared. He was scared partly ig because what if he leave again. Then ig partly he remember that how much he has given pain to yichen that he is calling his brother in sleep. Then he remember everytime they get intimate, yichen disappear and he was in fear what if they still are not on same page. And he might have done something wrong. Realisation and love both hit lufeng. Or he is afraid that he might again do something crazy to him.
Idk how else to interpret lufeng scared reaction. I hope someone make me understand on this part.

But I am very much touched with today's ep. Hope to get therapy part and more sweet moments of them. Because god i cried, smiled with them and this series made me cry more so they need to make up in ep 12.

Again Yichen chose lufeng on his own will. So i am not defending anyone.